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Searching for Mom: A Memoir
Gold Medal, Illumination Book Awards | National Indie Excellence Awards Winner | Readers' Favorite Silver Medalist | Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards, Honorable Mention Searching for Mom is a “disarmingly honest” mother-daughter story.Sara Easterly spent a lifetime looking for the perfect mother. As an adoptee she had difficulties attaching to her mother, struggled with her faith, lived the effects of intergenerational wounding, and felt an inherent sense of being unwanted that drove her to perfectionism, suicidal ideations, and fantasy mothers. When she became a mom, her search to find and become “the perfect mother” intensified ... until her mother’s death launched a spiritual epiphany. Sara’s perspective as an adoptee offers insight for anyone in the adoption constellation. And her hopeful story with themes of belonging, family, forgiveness, and being known are universally relevant to all mothers and daughters. PRAISE FOR SEARCHING FOR “Easterly examines her relationships with her birth and adoptive mothers in her engrossing debut ... a difficult story with brute honesty and impressive introspection.”
— Publishers Weekly “Easterly’s memoir contains a great deal of valuable information that may be helpful to adoptive parents, and to adoptees who feel a loss of biological connection ... A complicated but vividly portrayed search for identity.”
— Kirkus Reviews "As an adoptive mom four times over, I’m hungry for the perspective of adult adoptees. Sara Easterly’s Searching for Mom is powerfully delivered. Sara’s vulnerable writing, backed up by research and supported by scripture, allowed me a valuable glimpse into the secret places in the hearts of my children. My prayer is that through the questions, doubts, and tears, my kids will come to see, as Sara did, that they are 'unusually rich in mothers.'”
—Shannan Martin, author of The Ministry of Ordinary Places and Falling Free “I entered into Sara Easterly’s story expecting a riveting narrative—which it is, to be sure. What I didn’t expect was a story that would speak to me so personally. Searching for Mom is, on the surface, a memoir about adoption. Beyond that, though, it’s also a book about our common quest for wholeness, meaning, connection, belonging, and truth. Sara explores these deeply universal themes with unflinching honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability, which means this book will speak straight to your heart and soul—whether you are an adoptee or not.”
—Michelle DeRusha, Author of True Letting Go of Your False Self to Uncover the Person God Created “Fiercely personal, Sara’s memoir exposes the cracks in her formerly sugarcoated adoption story. Sara perseveres in seeking the truth, revealing the painful wounds of adoption loss. We follow her journey to healing with both her mothers, which unexpectedly culminates in a newfound understanding of God’s mothering.”
—Haley Radke, Creator and host of Adoptees On podcast “Sara Easterly has created a fearlessly beautiful story of a daughter’s search for a kind of perfect love she actually—in the end and much to her own surprise—finds.”
—Anne Heffron, Author of You Don’t Look Adopted and founder of Write or Die “A touching story of raw daughter-mother attachment with all its imperfections and heartaches, together with surprising twists and redemptive forgiveness. It rings true because it is truly delivered.”
—Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., Founder, Neufeld Institute, and best-selling author of Hold On to Your Kids
— Publishers Weekly “Easterly’s memoir contains a great deal of valuable information that may be helpful to adoptive parents, and to adoptees who feel a loss of biological connection ... A complicated but vividly portrayed search for identity.”
— Kirkus Reviews "As an adoptive mom four times over, I’m hungry for the perspective of adult adoptees. Sara Easterly’s Searching for Mom is powerfully delivered. Sara’s vulnerable writing, backed up by research and supported by scripture, allowed me a valuable glimpse into the secret places in the hearts of my children. My prayer is that through the questions, doubts, and tears, my kids will come to see, as Sara did, that they are 'unusually rich in mothers.'”
—Shannan Martin, author of The Ministry of Ordinary Places and Falling Free “I entered into Sara Easterly’s story expecting a riveting narrative—which it is, to be sure. What I didn’t expect was a story that would speak to me so personally. Searching for Mom is, on the surface, a memoir about adoption. Beyond that, though, it’s also a book about our common quest for wholeness, meaning, connection, belonging, and truth. Sara explores these deeply universal themes with unflinching honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability, which means this book will speak straight to your heart and soul—whether you are an adoptee or not.”
—Michelle DeRusha, Author of True Letting Go of Your False Self to Uncover the Person God Created “Fiercely personal, Sara’s memoir exposes the cracks in her formerly sugarcoated adoption story. Sara perseveres in seeking the truth, revealing the painful wounds of adoption loss. We follow her journey to healing with both her mothers, which unexpectedly culminates in a newfound understanding of God’s mothering.”
—Haley Radke, Creator and host of Adoptees On podcast “Sara Easterly has created a fearlessly beautiful story of a daughter’s search for a kind of perfect love she actually—in the end and much to her own surprise—finds.”
—Anne Heffron, Author of You Don’t Look Adopted and founder of Write or Die “A touching story of raw daughter-mother attachment with all its imperfections and heartaches, together with surprising twists and redemptive forgiveness. It rings true because it is truly delivered.”
—Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., Founder, Neufeld Institute, and best-selling author of Hold On to Your Kids
- GenresAdoptionMemoirNonfiction
316 pages, Paperback
Published November 19, 2019
12 people are currently reading
99 people want to read
About the author
Sara Easterly
9 books24 followersSara Easterly is an award-winning author of books and essays, including her latest book, Adoption Unfiltered, a collaboration with birth parent Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard and adoptive parent Lori Holden (Bloomsbury). Her memoir, Searching for Mom, won a gold medal in the Illumination Book Awards, among several other honors. Her adoption-focused articles, essays, and book reviews have been published by Newsweek, Psychology Today, Severance Magazine, Feminine Collective, Godspace, Her View from Home, and Englewood Review of Books, to name a few.
Sara is founder of Adoptee Voices and previously led one of the largest chapters of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators, where she was recognized as SCBWI Member of the Year. She is a Professional Associate and course facilitator with the Neufeld Institute, where she spearheads the Kid-Lit Book Club, and oversees the Neufeld Institute Children’s Book List. Additionally, Sara brings 20+ years of experience as a publicist and event planner orchestrating book tours, launch campaigns, and large-scale events.
For more about Sara, visit saraeasterly.com.
Sara is founder of Adoptee Voices and previously led one of the largest chapters of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators, where she was recognized as SCBWI Member of the Year. She is a Professional Associate and course facilitator with the Neufeld Institute, where she spearheads the Kid-Lit Book Club, and oversees the Neufeld Institute Children’s Book List. Additionally, Sara brings 20+ years of experience as a publicist and event planner orchestrating book tours, launch campaigns, and large-scale events.
For more about Sara, visit saraeasterly.com.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
December 29, 2020
I'm not a memoir person, but I found it hard to put this one down. It was a tender, deeply personal read that challenged me to look at my own vulnerabilities and discomforts and bring them to light. I'm grateful for Easterly's bravery for not only sharing her story but also for her fearless self examination of the paradoxes that haunt us and make us who we are. I also appreciate her for offering an adoptees perspective. Adoption is heralded as the solution to so many of the world's ills, and Easterly makes rooms in that narrative for the adoptees voice at what I imagine was great personal cost.
September 1, 2023
The writing was fine. I didn't care for her being fully bought into the primal wound theory that is reflected throughout her book. But otherwise a very touching story about her relationship with her mother.
July 23, 2023
Excellent look into the adoptee's lived experience! I thought it was written about me in so many different places.
August 17, 2020
Touching book that captivated me and had me finish in 2 days of reading.
Raw emotion, touching perspective, life events we could all do without, struggles of Moms and daughters and deep perspective on abandonment and adoption that I never knew about or comprehended.
Great book Sara. Thank you for sharing your important life journey and congratulations on facing some demons and bringing two girls into this not-so-scary world. I’m sure you are a great Mom.
Raw emotion, touching perspective, life events we could all do without, struggles of Moms and daughters and deep perspective on abandonment and adoption that I never knew about or comprehended.
Great book Sara. Thank you for sharing your important life journey and congratulations on facing some demons and bringing two girls into this not-so-scary world. I’m sure you are a great Mom.
December 28, 2020
Because adoption is such a force for good, the dark side of being adopted comes as a surprise, particularly for those of us who experience it remotely through the stories of others. While it is true that adoption rescues many children from danger and untenable living situations, it is also true that adoptees begin life with a loss.
Sara Easterly has crafted a memoir of her own experience as an adopted daughter that looks unflinchingly at the realities accompanying separation from birth parents, no matter how early the separation occurs. I learned that adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide as non-adoptees, and they are prone to “fantasy attachments” to some imagniary, ideal birth mother which often hinders their ability to attach to their adopted family.
Searching for Mom traces Easterly’s journey into motherhood, her years of ambivalence about searching for her birth mom, and the protracted illness and death of her adopted mother. She employs a bridge metaphor to describe the years of struggle and her eventual resolution, envisioning her birth mother and grandmother, her adopted mom and herself all standing together on a bridge, “all of us stuck there, paying a price in some way. One of us finally dared to venture across. Now the others had to cross, too.” (159)
If adoption is part of your story or the story of someone you love, you will benefit from Sara’s honest portrayal, scriptural insights, and unique ability to share the heart of an adopted child.
Many thanks to the author for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
Sara Easterly has crafted a memoir of her own experience as an adopted daughter that looks unflinchingly at the realities accompanying separation from birth parents, no matter how early the separation occurs. I learned that adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide as non-adoptees, and they are prone to “fantasy attachments” to some imagniary, ideal birth mother which often hinders their ability to attach to their adopted family.
Searching for Mom traces Easterly’s journey into motherhood, her years of ambivalence about searching for her birth mom, and the protracted illness and death of her adopted mother. She employs a bridge metaphor to describe the years of struggle and her eventual resolution, envisioning her birth mother and grandmother, her adopted mom and herself all standing together on a bridge, “all of us stuck there, paying a price in some way. One of us finally dared to venture across. Now the others had to cross, too.” (159)
If adoption is part of your story or the story of someone you love, you will benefit from Sara’s honest portrayal, scriptural insights, and unique ability to share the heart of an adopted child.
Many thanks to the author for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
November 12, 2020
Within a few pages of Sara Easterly’s award-winning memoir Searching for Mom, I suspected this author would reach far beyond her narrative as an adopted daughter searching for connection with her adoptive and biological mothers.
And she does, with beautifully written, courageous, and wise insights. With humility and profound authenticity.
For as long as she can remember, the original abandonment Sara experienced when her birth mother relinquished her colored not only her relationships, but her very sense of self. Until, via a holy recipe of suffering and love, she emerged from her chrysalis of isolation. To avoid spoilers, I’ll let her tell you how she did it. The story’s rich, lively, heartbreaking, humorous.
But there’s more. As expert story-tellers do, Sara gave me more than a good narrative. She hauled me beneath the engaging story of her growth from child, to adult woman, to mother of Olive and Violet— and helped me explore motives and attachments, resentments and misunderstandings, longings and love that mothers and daughters everywhere encounter, but too seldom explore head-on.
Whether you’re a mother or a grown daughter, adopted or not, this book will heap your plate. And if you are both? You’ll find touch-points in Sara’s story for examining generational trails that shape families. You’ll experience empathy for both Sara and her birth mom, and in so doing will find yourself in tears, sitting at the door of mercy, infused with courage to improve your closest relationships.
I sure did.
And she does, with beautifully written, courageous, and wise insights. With humility and profound authenticity.
For as long as she can remember, the original abandonment Sara experienced when her birth mother relinquished her colored not only her relationships, but her very sense of self. Until, via a holy recipe of suffering and love, she emerged from her chrysalis of isolation. To avoid spoilers, I’ll let her tell you how she did it. The story’s rich, lively, heartbreaking, humorous.
But there’s more. As expert story-tellers do, Sara gave me more than a good narrative. She hauled me beneath the engaging story of her growth from child, to adult woman, to mother of Olive and Violet— and helped me explore motives and attachments, resentments and misunderstandings, longings and love that mothers and daughters everywhere encounter, but too seldom explore head-on.
Whether you’re a mother or a grown daughter, adopted or not, this book will heap your plate. And if you are both? You’ll find touch-points in Sara’s story for examining generational trails that shape families. You’ll experience empathy for both Sara and her birth mom, and in so doing will find yourself in tears, sitting at the door of mercy, infused with courage to improve your closest relationships.
I sure did.
March 30, 2022
Being an Auntie to two beautiful nieces who were chosen by their parents and adopted into our family, has been a wonderful blessing. These girls are truly loved and God is continuing to bless their family through their being apart of it!
This book opened my eyes to some of the things adoptees may go through in their thoughts about themselves and what God has planned for them.
Each of us has the opportunity to be trained up in the ways of the Lord by parents who unconditionally love us -- in spite of the blood running through our veins. We choose to love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for us.
I did appreciate and learned so much from the author's candid honesty. (Parents please read this book before allowing younger teens to read, as darker themes and issues are described).
Because each chapter heading included a portion of Scripture, I knew the author would eventually give her heart and life to the Lord. However, some portions were difficult for me to read because I knew it was all true. I'm so thankful the author is continuing to learn and grow... that was encouraging to me as well.
I was able to read a copy of this book via Hoopla, but it did not in any way affect my review. All opinions are my own.
This book opened my eyes to some of the things adoptees may go through in their thoughts about themselves and what God has planned for them.
Each of us has the opportunity to be trained up in the ways of the Lord by parents who unconditionally love us -- in spite of the blood running through our veins. We choose to love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for us.
I did appreciate and learned so much from the author's candid honesty. (Parents please read this book before allowing younger teens to read, as darker themes and issues are described).
Because each chapter heading included a portion of Scripture, I knew the author would eventually give her heart and life to the Lord. However, some portions were difficult for me to read because I knew it was all true. I'm so thankful the author is continuing to learn and grow... that was encouraging to me as well.
I was able to read a copy of this book via Hoopla, but it did not in any way affect my review. All opinions are my own.
June 19, 2023
This memoir managed to surprise me. It was my book club's pick, and I thought I knew what the book was about just from the title and cover. Duh, I thought. The author, an adoptee, would chronicle her search for her birth mom.
But Sara Easterly's journey - the inner one as well as the outer one -- is so much more. Turns out she had been searching for something even deeper, even more fundamental. I won't spoil the reveals by saying any more on that.
As an adoptive mom, I always appreciate adoptees who can be vulnerable and honest about the complex emotions they experience in various stages of their journey to identity, through loss, anger, separation, connection, and eventually, redemption. Memoirs like this give me a little bit of insight into what my own children may experience deep down beyond my ken, helping me simply abide with them at the surface.
Brava, Sara!
But Sara Easterly's journey - the inner one as well as the outer one -- is so much more. Turns out she had been searching for something even deeper, even more fundamental. I won't spoil the reveals by saying any more on that.
As an adoptive mom, I always appreciate adoptees who can be vulnerable and honest about the complex emotions they experience in various stages of their journey to identity, through loss, anger, separation, connection, and eventually, redemption. Memoirs like this give me a little bit of insight into what my own children may experience deep down beyond my ken, helping me simply abide with them at the surface.
Brava, Sara!
December 15, 2019
Searching for Mom is a tender, emotional, and joyful memoir of a woman's journey to find the true meaning of motherhood. The process was not easy, but Sara is completely honest and transparent in writing about her journey. Birth mother, adopted mother, raising her own children and the death of her adopted mother lead her to find the ultimate mother who fills the hearts of all moms. This novel helps us to reflect on our own mothering regardless of the adoption process. We can all learn from Sara's story about the true meaning of love.
November 27, 2019
I found myself nodding as I read Easterly's layered story about her quest for the heart of her mother. Our journeys are not the same, but countless facets of her adoptee experience echo my own. We are all more alike than not. Adoptees will find something of themselves in Sara's longing and will celebrate with her as she learns to own her truth. This is a deep and fascinating memoir with something for everyone-- a member of the adoption constellation or not.
November 4, 2020
Sara's story was gripping from the very first page! So tender and vulnerable. I'm not a mom or an adoptee, but I found it to be both relatable, and a catalyst for self-reflection. I loved how the narration seemed to grow and change as the story progressed -- gaining both wisdom and grace along the way. This left me with the feeling that the end of the book is really only the beginning (there's more story to be told)! So, I will be on the lookout for a sequel!
March 9, 2020
This is beautifully written, heartbreaking at times as the author takes the reader through her journey. At other times I found that I was able to laugh. This is a realistic look at life, at mother and daughter relationships.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
December 31, 2020
WOW! What a wonderfully warm, open, honest and transparent book!
As an adoptee myself, I found this to be a wonderfully warm, open, honest and transparent book! I highly recommend it for adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents—everyone will benefit from the author’s insights in this memoir.
As an adoptee myself, I found this to be a wonderfully warm, open, honest and transparent book! I highly recommend it for adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents—everyone will benefit from the author’s insights in this memoir.
January 1, 2020
Completely heartwarming and breaking all in once and I loved the ride. I loved diving into such a deep read and got more from this book than I thought I would going into it.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
January 14, 2020
I have too many things to say about this book as someone who partially grew up in the Easterly house and got to be loved by Linda, too. Sara is a beautiful writer and this book made me reflect so much on my relationships with my mom and God.
September 4, 2021
It's a hard, moving, and humbling journey to be invited into someone's background and history. When that background includes adoption, there's an added layer of nuance and instruction. I appreciate the author's candor and willingness to share her life in these pages.
January 7, 2021
A terrific and affecting memoir that anyone can relate to, whether they've been involved in adoption or not. Outstanding.
September 9, 2025
Did not finish
May 17, 2020
I found myself relating to Sara in many ways in this, even though our journeys as adoptees are very different. Searching for a mother, and being a mother, is something I am familiar with. This book, with its scripture and science tied in, was wonderful to take a look at mother-daughter relationships, even if you're not in the adoption constellation.
November 29, 2019
Heartbreaking and real
To my childhood friend.. I remember we told everyone we were sisters. Those three years in Littleton I ate many dinners and spent nights at your house just behind mine. I even stayed a week at your house when my parents went to Texas to look for our new home.
I'm so sorry you felt the way you did growing up. I moved away right before those teen years :( I have thought of you and your family often and am so grateful for social media and finding you again. Thank you for sharing your story.
Xxxxxx
To my childhood friend.. I remember we told everyone we were sisters. Those three years in Littleton I ate many dinners and spent nights at your house just behind mine. I even stayed a week at your house when my parents went to Texas to look for our new home.
I'm so sorry you felt the way you did growing up. I moved away right before those teen years :( I have thought of you and your family often and am so grateful for social media and finding you again. Thank you for sharing your story.
Xxxxxx
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews