The 6 Needs of Every Child: Empowering Parents and Kids through the Science of Connection

by Amy Elizabeth Olrick, Jeffrey Olrick

Discover the power of being imperfectly present with your children, helping them develop mental, emotional, and spiritual resilience that will sustain them for a lifetime. Like most parents, Amy and Jeffrey Olrick left the hospital with their first child desperate to know, "What do we do ?" But years of parenting three kids and Jeffrey's work as a child psychologist convinced them to ask a better "How shall I be with this new person?" In a culture obsessed with parenting formulas, it's easy to miss the fact that science and lived experience have proven that human development and thriving are a matter of relationship. Drawing on decades of psychological research, neuroscience, and their own experience as parents and people of faith, the Olricks present six relational needs for human growth that will transform the way you think about your child--and yourself. Together, the needs form a trustworthy compass to guide you and your child to a path of purpose and relational wholeness. For parents who feel pulled in a hundred directions, dizzied by the volume of clashing strategies, and jaded by the parenting programs that complicated their own childhoods, The 6 Needs of Every Child is a groundbreaking roadmap integrating the science of connection with practical tools. You'll be equipped More than a parenting guide, this book is your invitation to break free from the myth of perfect parenting and embrace your child's long journey of growth. With insight, humor, and compassion, it calls parents to discover the power of being imperfectly present with their children, developing mental, emotional, and spiritual resilience that will sustain them for a lifetime.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family

224 pages, Paperback

First published June 9, 2020

Reviews

[Morgan Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll come back to this book again and again. It's not the book I would have ever picked up due to the prescriptive sounding title. I heard the authors on a podcast and I'm so glad I picked up this book! Highly recommend.

[Michelle Morse-buszard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marie Kondo may declutter homes but the Olricks declutter parenting. Both books are about the same length, and both find ways in bringing joy back with a touch of [optional] spirituality. The Olricks have successfully blended science, child psychology, and occasional light Judeo-Christianity references with real-world anecdotes into an uplifting, guilt-free guide to parenting. The book focuses on six basic categories -- delight, support, boundaries, protection, comfort, and equipping -- using a compass analogy. Draw near or explore. (I even found some parts valuable to managers in how they should treat their employees.) I found this book to be refreshing, insightful, honest and helpful. The last thing I need right now is to pay for a guilt-trip or a bunch of obvious suggestions which I've read in other parenting books and articles, but this is a fabulous guide that I'll gladly continue to revisit and consult.

[Ross Slough · Rating 4 out of 5]

I admittedly haven’t read a bunch of parenting books (dad fail) but these concepts resonated deeply and will considerably impact the way I see my kids.

[Kendra · Rating 4 out of 5]

As parents, I think most of us want to do what is best for our kids. But too often we become so invested in parenting (i.e. following a list of things to do) that we forget that being a parent to our child is all about relationship. In this helpful book, psychologist Jeffry Olrick and his wife Amy help parents get back on track in our relational journeys with our children. Following an overview of attachment styles and explaining the importance of establishing secure attachment to our kids, the Olricks show how such attachment can be developed through meeting kids’ six core relational needs of delight, support, boundaries, protection, comfort, and equipping. Relying on their own experiences, psychological research, and neuroscience, the Olricks define these needs, underscore their importance, and walk parents through how to identify and meet these needs in our kids.

I really loved the relational approach taken in this book and the exploration of how these needs connect to our faith lives. The Olrichs emphasize that even adults have these core six relational needs and they show how these needs can be met through our relationship with the Lord. It was fascinating to see the parallels between attachment science and the love of God that is woven throughout Scripture.

I felt the book could have benefitted from some stronger editing, as parts of the framework were difficult to follow, and not all of the examples seemed to fit the points that were being made. However, I’m very glad that I read this. I found the framework enlightening and applicable, and have been implementing it to understand and meet my kids’ unique needs: since reading the book, I have been able to see where I might be lacking in meeting their needs and other areas where I may be overdoing things a bit. The book helped draw me back to what is most important in this journey with my kids without invoking shame over how I am doing as a parent.

This review first appeared on my personal blog, https://kendranicole.net/june-2021-qu...

Please visit my site for more book reviews: https://kendranicole.net/category/boo...

[Brooke D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tend to be skeptical of parenting books with a religious/spiritual element. Maybe I'm expecting some kind of "spare the rod and spoil the child" mentality? Anyway, this book is NOT that. It's about science and human nature and a spiritual level of love, but it's also a pared down guide. Rather than an instruction manual, it's more like a lens to apply to any situation and any type of child to better understand how to respond.

[David McCormick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book that looks into attachment theory and the real needs of children based on a lot of good research. My only critique is that I feel like the use of Bible verses are a little weak and far stretched. There is one reference to a Bible verse that the author begins to unpack but then quickly jumps back into stories and theory. But, in general, it is very applicable and easy to understand.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is less about what to do but more about how to be. It's about relationship and less about a list of things we need to do.

[Kathryn McGregor · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 - Excellent book about parenting, scientifically backed and rooted in faith.

[Ani Darbinyan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book. The religious parts are not very matching to me, but the rest is amazing.

The first time did I stumble upon analysis, that the LEVEL of attachment parenting we're giving to our children comes from our own history - how WE have been attachment parented. And the level of attachment parenting our parents showed us came from the level of attachment parenting they received from their own parents, which is our grandparents.
Similarly, each of the 6 needs a child has (delight, support, boundaries, protection, comfort, equipping), we're able to give what has been given to us. Amazing and eye-opening analysis, never mentioned in any other parenting book.

[Karianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so good and so helpful. I borrowed it from the library, but I loved it so much I intend to buy my own copy so I can highlight sections, lol.
I didn't know when I got it that the authors were Christians, but the Christian aspects were exactly in line with my own faith, so it worked. Plus, the faith aspects weren't the driving force behind the book, so I didn't feel like I was reading a "Christian parenting book", but a parenting book written by Christians.

[Colette McNeil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good

This is a very good book describing the relationship needs of children and giving parents tools for navigation through how to support these needs. I like the connection emphasis and the relatable stories that provide the discussion foundations. Well done!

[Ashley Eaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a gem. It seems like there are a lot of resources for baby and toddler hood. Ages 5-10 (ish) are a new adventure. And what good parenting looks like in this phase often seems hard to parse. Grateful for this resource and highly recommend it. One of the best I’ve read.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really loved the explanation of these six needs, and it has helped to reframe some things for me. The compass imagery didn't work for me for some reason, and some of the example situations brought me guilt before I could sort out how my kids and our family are different.

[Alisa Jeffus · Rating 4 out of 5]

the audiobook is a little bit of a rough listen, but the authors share some great insights into what children need. I liked how each chapter allowed for reflection on how you relate to your kids in each of the 6 areas

[Emily Lockamy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found some parts to be very helpful. I liked the focus on "balance, flexibility, and connection."

[Carol Wheeler]

Listened on audible - very helpful insight, accompanying PDF is awesome!

[Amy Julia Becker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend this book for every parent!

[Bailey McCauley · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75

[Chelsea Guthrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best parenting books I've read! I would say this is a truly worthwhile read for any parents or adults who work with kids.

[Daniel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tries to do everything and ends up excelling at nothing.

[Alex Wicks · Rating 3 out of 5]

As far as parenting books go, this one is pretty average. There were a few gems but also a few things that rubbed me the wrong way.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Relevant, eye-opening, straight-forward, practical, beautiful, meaningful, and important for all to read! This helps me as a teacher and as a one-day mom. Thanks!

[Amy Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a needed read! Dealing with emotions from each of my kids and trying to give them what they individually need! This is a great resource and practice!!