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The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of Our Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time
It is virtually impossible to feel connected and supported in life when you don’t feel that way where you spend most of our time—at work. In The Business of Friendship , friendship expert Shasta Nelson unpacks the distinct ways we can make work relationships the healthiest they can be, both for the sake of the employee and the mission of the company. She inspires readers to see why friendship is crucial to our health and our careers, and teaches us exactly how to develop the supportive and meaningful connections we need. Our organizations benefit as friendships at work result in higher levels of workplace productivity, employee retention, safety, innovation, collaboration, and profitability. In having a best friend at work, we are seven times more engaged in our job, which translates to better customer service, less absenteeism, fewer workplace accidents, and more loyalty to our organizations. Through Shasta’s stories, research, and practical guidance, The Business of Friendship is for those who are ready to maximize the two most significant factors of our wellbeing—career and relationships. Whether you are a leader or an employee, when you feel more connected and supported at work, everyone wins.
224 pages, Hardcover
Published August 18, 2020
53 people are currently reading
529 people want to read
About the author
Shasta Nelson
5 books66 followersShasta Nelson is a keynote speaker, author, and leading expert on friendship and healthy relationships at home and at work.
Filled with scientific data, real-world research, and fascinating case studies, Shasta speaks to our collective loneliness and teaches strategies for us to build the healthiest friendships that will lead to greater happiness and health.
Shasta’s first book "Friendships Don't Just Happen" teaches adults how to make new friends, her second book, ""Frientimacy" teaches adults how to develop deeper and more meaningful relationships with the friends they already have, and her third book "The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of the Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time" teaches how to develop positive and supportive relationships at work.
Her Three Relationship Requirements have been featured in her popular TEDx talk and are widely praised for helping break down relationships in ways everyone understands.
Frequently featured in the media as a popular resource on healthy relationships and the increasing epidemic of loneliness, Shasta has been interviewed live on several television shows including Katie Couric’s Katie, Fox Business, The Early Show, The Today Show, and The Steve Harvey Show. She has also been featured in countless national magazines like Good Housekeeping, Real Simple, and Health; and interviewed for prominent newspapers like The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times.
Shasta was selected by Facebook to be their media spokesperson and friendship expert for Friends Day 2018.
Filled with scientific data, real-world research, and fascinating case studies, Shasta speaks to our collective loneliness and teaches strategies for us to build the healthiest friendships that will lead to greater happiness and health.
Shasta’s first book "Friendships Don't Just Happen" teaches adults how to make new friends, her second book, ""Frientimacy" teaches adults how to develop deeper and more meaningful relationships with the friends they already have, and her third book "The Business of Friendship: Making the Most of the Relationships Where We Spend Most of Our Time" teaches how to develop positive and supportive relationships at work.
Her Three Relationship Requirements have been featured in her popular TEDx talk and are widely praised for helping break down relationships in ways everyone understands.
Frequently featured in the media as a popular resource on healthy relationships and the increasing epidemic of loneliness, Shasta has been interviewed live on several television shows including Katie Couric’s Katie, Fox Business, The Early Show, The Today Show, and The Steve Harvey Show. She has also been featured in countless national magazines like Good Housekeeping, Real Simple, and Health; and interviewed for prominent newspapers like The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times.
Shasta was selected by Facebook to be their media spokesperson and friendship expert for Friends Day 2018.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
August 3, 2020
I have read Shasta Nelson's book on Friendships at work and enjoyed it immensely! It covers everything I was hoping to get - "why" of the whole thing, general how-to regarding friendships and most importantly, specific and detailed ideas about issues that friendships at work encounter, like what to do when feeling left out, what to do when one becomes a boss of the other, how to save a friendship when one leaves the company, how to approach gossiping, toxic relationships with boss and otherwise, issues regarding leadership and friendship, etc. It was a pleasure and a useful read, indeed. I plan to listen to it again when it becomes available in audio in a couple of weeks.
p.s.
Had many beautiful sentences, but I am at the moment resonating with this one:
We want to be admired, respected, and appreciated. And not because we are broken and needy, but because we have an awesome capacity to give and receive love in this world. We are made for it. We thrive on it. Our survival has been dependent on it. Our longevity has been linked to it. Our happiness is correlated to it.
p.s.
Had many beautiful sentences, but I am at the moment resonating with this one:
We want to be admired, respected, and appreciated. And not because we are broken and needy, but because we have an awesome capacity to give and receive love in this world. We are made for it. We thrive on it. Our survival has been dependent on it. Our longevity has been linked to it. Our happiness is correlated to it.
June 13, 2021
I had the incorrect belief that business relationships should be separate from friendships and personal relationships. I had believed that mixing the two would jeopardize both your professionalism and the friendship or both.
This book makes a very clear case, giving evidence based on research as to why my idea was wrong and why friendship at work is important and beneficial to both the individuals and company.
I love the way the book is divided into first explaining why and then explaining how. It is easy to read and easy to understand. It gives clear examples that can apply not to just the corporate business world but to any kind of work culture you are in.
I finished with many easy, usable ideas that I feel will make a big difference. I believe there are ideas that I can use to change my work environment for the better without having to first convince co-workers of what I am doing, learn new skills or change who I am.
This book makes a very clear case, giving evidence based on research as to why my idea was wrong and why friendship at work is important and beneficial to both the individuals and company.
I love the way the book is divided into first explaining why and then explaining how. It is easy to read and easy to understand. It gives clear examples that can apply not to just the corporate business world but to any kind of work culture you are in.
I finished with many easy, usable ideas that I feel will make a big difference. I believe there are ideas that I can use to change my work environment for the better without having to first convince co-workers of what I am doing, learn new skills or change who I am.
July 12, 2020
Prior to reading this book, I had never stopped to consider just how important my work friendships have been to me personally and professionally. I greatly appreciated the opportunity - and Shasta’s style & research - to see these relationships with a fresh eye and to understand just how critical they will continue to be.
Furthermore, as we all start to consider what our future normal will be upon our return (or not) to a physical work location, the wisdom of this book will continue to prove invaluable to all who are fortunate enough to read it!
Furthermore, as we all start to consider what our future normal will be upon our return (or not) to a physical work location, the wisdom of this book will continue to prove invaluable to all who are fortunate enough to read it!
July 10, 2020
(I received an ARC from Net Galley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review)
When it comes to career advice, we often hear the same things time and time again.
Build your network.
Find a mentor.
Create a personal brand.
I don’t know about you but not once have I ever heard “make friends at work.”
Now, after reading The Business of Friendship, I’m convinced it’s truly the key piece of advice that we need to succeed in our careers.
Backed by tons of solid primary research, the author makes a very compelling case as to why friendships at work are pivotal to career happiness.
In fact, how we feel about the people we work with is directly correlated to how much we enjoy our job and life.
This book encourages you to think differently about the idea of a “dream job.” Your vision for your “dream job” shouldn’t just focus on the role itself, but it needs to also include a great group of people to work with.
I rated this 3 stars because it often felt like I was reading a pretty dense research report. But, the book does make a ton of solid points that makes it worth the read, in my opinion!
When it comes to career advice, we often hear the same things time and time again.
Build your network.
Find a mentor.
Create a personal brand.
I don’t know about you but not once have I ever heard “make friends at work.”
Now, after reading The Business of Friendship, I’m convinced it’s truly the key piece of advice that we need to succeed in our careers.
Backed by tons of solid primary research, the author makes a very compelling case as to why friendships at work are pivotal to career happiness.
In fact, how we feel about the people we work with is directly correlated to how much we enjoy our job and life.
This book encourages you to think differently about the idea of a “dream job.” Your vision for your “dream job” shouldn’t just focus on the role itself, but it needs to also include a great group of people to work with.
I rated this 3 stars because it often felt like I was reading a pretty dense research report. But, the book does make a ton of solid points that makes it worth the read, in my opinion!
August 19, 2020
I received an advance copy of this book. I loved the consideration of loneliness and it’s impact on our organizations - especially now in Covid.
I’m so aware now about the science behind how friendships form (at work) and working to be more inclusive. I really appreciated the chapter on toxic relationships !
I’m so aware now about the science behind how friendships form (at work) and working to be more inclusive. I really appreciated the chapter on toxic relationships !
August 19, 2020
I was lucky to get a review copy of this excellent book. It’s divided into 3 parts. The short first part covers the importance of friendship at work. Part 2 is how friendships ‘work’ and what makes some better than others. And Part 3 deals with challenges that arise in friendships and how to fix them, as well as how to build them at work. Super helpful and engaging to read!
January 1, 2022
I'd really like to read more of her books. This was good.
7 Statements to determine psych safety
1: If you make a mistake on this team it is often used against you
2: Members of this team are able to bring up problems and tough issues
3: People on this team sometimes reject others for being different
4: It is safe to take a risk on this team
5: It is difficult to ask other members on this team for help
6: No one on this team would deliberately act in a way that would undermine my efforts
7: Working with this team my unique talents and skills are utilized
"1: Every relationship starts at the bottom of the triangle with the foundation of positivity
2: The healthiest relationships develop in an escalating and incremental way up the triangle as we increase consistency and vulnerability.
3: Only a few relationships develop to the top of the triangle into fiendtimacy. They get there as a result of practicing the highest of positivity, consistency, and vulnerability.
4: Most relationships therefore are somewhere in the middle of the triangle, appropriately so.
5: Any relationship that doesn't feel as good as we want it is because at least one of these requirements is lacking
6: Our expectations of the relationship should be based on the level of relationship that has been practiced thus far.
7: While we can't change people we can always change the relationship we have with them."
"Being known as someone who is generous with their recognition of others, especially when distracted, jealous, or drained."
"Engineers who worked next to each other were 4x more likely to bring up a problem they were trying to solve in contrast to a team that worked remotely from each other."
"People who spent more time with their managers, up to a point, reported higher levels of inspiration, engagement, innovation, and intrinsic motivation. That point seems to be 6 hours a week."
"The healthiest relationships are the ones who practice as many of the different paths of consistency as possible:
1) Consistency starts with proximity
2) Consistency accelerates with intensity
3) Consistency increases with frequency
4) Consistency stabilizes with repetition
5) Consistency broadens with variety
6) Consistency lasts with duration"
"Even at the bottom we are challenged to make our limited interaction clear and reliable - which is the lowest level of consistency. To make sure our actions are kind and friendly; that's the lowest level of positivity. And that our presence is as authentic and curious as possible for our context which is the lowest level of vulnerability."
"View our friendships as the place to practice tough things. So often we mistake friendship as the place where we should let each other off easily, look the other way, expect blind loyalty, hope for favors, or avoid hurt feelings. That, my friends, is all backwards. The closer we are to each other the safe we should feel to practice flexing the relational muscles that help us both become better people....such as: setting boundaries, asking for what we need, sharing how their actions left us feeling, giving loving but honest feedback, receiving feedback with the best of assumptions, praising them when jealous, giving voice to the unspoken issue we're tempted to avoid, disagreeing respectfully, revealing our insecurities and doubts, expressing pride for ourselves without downplaying our strengths, negotiating for our preferences and needs"
"I may have manifested with irritation but what am I really feeling? Most of us wish we had more clarity in our lives and yet we routinely neglect the information constantly being dispatched. Emotions are our brains way of sending us the message to pay attention to something that matters. Any mistranslation risks us not receiving the intending message."
"By naming the right emotion our strategy and response will look different. If we can take the time to self-reflect enough that we can identify what we're really feeling then we can better ask what response increases the odds of me returning to a place of peace as quickly as possible."
7 Statements to determine psych safety
1: If you make a mistake on this team it is often used against you
2: Members of this team are able to bring up problems and tough issues
3: People on this team sometimes reject others for being different
4: It is safe to take a risk on this team
5: It is difficult to ask other members on this team for help
6: No one on this team would deliberately act in a way that would undermine my efforts
7: Working with this team my unique talents and skills are utilized
"1: Every relationship starts at the bottom of the triangle with the foundation of positivity
2: The healthiest relationships develop in an escalating and incremental way up the triangle as we increase consistency and vulnerability.
3: Only a few relationships develop to the top of the triangle into fiendtimacy. They get there as a result of practicing the highest of positivity, consistency, and vulnerability.
4: Most relationships therefore are somewhere in the middle of the triangle, appropriately so.
5: Any relationship that doesn't feel as good as we want it is because at least one of these requirements is lacking
6: Our expectations of the relationship should be based on the level of relationship that has been practiced thus far.
7: While we can't change people we can always change the relationship we have with them."
"Being known as someone who is generous with their recognition of others, especially when distracted, jealous, or drained."
"Engineers who worked next to each other were 4x more likely to bring up a problem they were trying to solve in contrast to a team that worked remotely from each other."
"People who spent more time with their managers, up to a point, reported higher levels of inspiration, engagement, innovation, and intrinsic motivation. That point seems to be 6 hours a week."
"The healthiest relationships are the ones who practice as many of the different paths of consistency as possible:
1) Consistency starts with proximity
2) Consistency accelerates with intensity
3) Consistency increases with frequency
4) Consistency stabilizes with repetition
5) Consistency broadens with variety
6) Consistency lasts with duration"
"Even at the bottom we are challenged to make our limited interaction clear and reliable - which is the lowest level of consistency. To make sure our actions are kind and friendly; that's the lowest level of positivity. And that our presence is as authentic and curious as possible for our context which is the lowest level of vulnerability."
"View our friendships as the place to practice tough things. So often we mistake friendship as the place where we should let each other off easily, look the other way, expect blind loyalty, hope for favors, or avoid hurt feelings. That, my friends, is all backwards. The closer we are to each other the safe we should feel to practice flexing the relational muscles that help us both become better people....such as: setting boundaries, asking for what we need, sharing how their actions left us feeling, giving loving but honest feedback, receiving feedback with the best of assumptions, praising them when jealous, giving voice to the unspoken issue we're tempted to avoid, disagreeing respectfully, revealing our insecurities and doubts, expressing pride for ourselves without downplaying our strengths, negotiating for our preferences and needs"
"I may have manifested with irritation but what am I really feeling? Most of us wish we had more clarity in our lives and yet we routinely neglect the information constantly being dispatched. Emotions are our brains way of sending us the message to pay attention to something that matters. Any mistranslation risks us not receiving the intending message."
"By naming the right emotion our strategy and response will look different. If we can take the time to self-reflect enough that we can identify what we're really feeling then we can better ask what response increases the odds of me returning to a place of peace as quickly as possible."
August 19, 2020
An easy, fascinating and highly recommended read. In this book, friendship expert Shasta Nelson, applies the statistics and psychology of friendship to the workplace - the area of our lives where we inevitably spend the most of our time.
Full of research findings, simple diagrams and personal stories, ‘The Business of Friendship’ has completely changed my perspective on the value and importance of putting in the effort to create and maintain meaningful friendships at work. It provides the tools to understanding where our relationships are and why, as well as how to get them to where we’d like them to be - benefitting ourselves, our colleagues and our organisations.
“A new report, “Well-Being in the Workplace,” recently released from the Myers-Briggs Company, showcases the findings from a three-year international study of more than ten thousand people in 131 countries and confirms that “relationships are the leading contributor to workplace well-being.”
I believe the findings presented in ‘The Business of Friendship’ are foundational to transforming our workplaces for the better.
Full of research findings, simple diagrams and personal stories, ‘The Business of Friendship’ has completely changed my perspective on the value and importance of putting in the effort to create and maintain meaningful friendships at work. It provides the tools to understanding where our relationships are and why, as well as how to get them to where we’d like them to be - benefitting ourselves, our colleagues and our organisations.
“A new report, “Well-Being in the Workplace,” recently released from the Myers-Briggs Company, showcases the findings from a three-year international study of more than ten thousand people in 131 countries and confirms that “relationships are the leading contributor to workplace well-being.”
I believe the findings presented in ‘The Business of Friendship’ are foundational to transforming our workplaces for the better.
August 18, 2020
This book opened my eyes a lot as to how important friendships in the workplace really are. I went into it thinking that work and personal lives were completely separate things and that making friends was just a bonus. We are taught to have the mindset of 'I'm here to work, not make friends'. Some bosses even discourage friendships. I have been lucky enough to have made amazing friends in some of my positions. On the flip side, I have worked in jobs where I felt alienated and like I was on the outside of the 'clique'. The ones where I had friendships at, I definitely lasted much longer. It is true that you are more likely to stay at a job you dislike if you like who you are working WITH.
One thing that stood out was the emphasis on the friendship triangle. This can be taken with us into our friendships outside of work, as well. I learned a lot in reading about this, and things became very clear to me in why I sometimes struggle in building those closer friendships. I have just started a new job and will be taking with me what I learned in hopes to build those closer workplace friendships.
All in all, this was a very solid read with some great advice and takeaways.
One thing that stood out was the emphasis on the friendship triangle. This can be taken with us into our friendships outside of work, as well. I learned a lot in reading about this, and things became very clear to me in why I sometimes struggle in building those closer friendships. I have just started a new job and will be taking with me what I learned in hopes to build those closer workplace friendships.
All in all, this was a very solid read with some great advice and takeaways.
August 21, 2020
I wish I had read this book decades ago. As a young man, I ran on the hedonic treadmill. Crowding out time for friendships, I suffered as a result. I didn't understand I was hardwired to connect and needed connection to thrive. Although I wouldn't have said it at the time because I was always around people, absent friendships I was lonely and it had a negative effect on my physical and emotional health. That's why I appreciate this book so much.
In "The Business of Friendship" Shasta Nelson lays out all you need to know to develop meaningful friendships, including friendships at work, that will help you thrive and bring joy to your life. Shasta's frameworks are simple, memorable and actionable. Everyone will benefit from reading this book. I highly recommend it.
In "The Business of Friendship" Shasta Nelson lays out all you need to know to develop meaningful friendships, including friendships at work, that will help you thrive and bring joy to your life. Shasta's frameworks are simple, memorable and actionable. Everyone will benefit from reading this book. I highly recommend it.
August 19, 2020
This new book by Shasta Nelson, a friendship expert, does a great job explaining the importance of fostering strong relationships in the workplace. I love how she not only explains the benefits, but teaches how to achieve these relationships that can help with mental health of workers as well as having many benefits to the workplace itself!
September 9, 2020
Shasta has a way of writing like she is providing you with friendship advice over a cup of coffee while also helping you get through the tough parts of life at work- like dealing with that negative, toxic co-worker or learning how to create trust and take calculated risks in group projects. Her data-backed research is relevant for high school and college students trying to navigate those "dreaded" group projects but also relevant to those who've reached 70 or 100 years of age (aka anyone trying to navigate life's relationships). She gives practical tips throughout the book to help you form healthier, more intentional relationships at work. And even though I'm a stay at home mom, implementing the tips in the book has helped me become a better mom, wife, friend, and daughter. :) Thanks, Shasta, for your contribution to this world!!!
August 23, 2020
In the middle of a pandemic when you are working from home, there is no better time to invest in your work relationships! Before Covid-19 many already suffered from loneliness. It's only gotten worse as we've grown more distant and isolated. Well, here's a book that can help! There are lots of tips and ideas on how to make your current relationships stronger. On top of that, there are lessons on how to make our work relationships better. We spend so much time at work - probably more now - why not make those hours count? Highly recommmend this book as it is eye-opening on how to invest in yourself and others in a way that will increase satisfaction at work and elsewhere.
July 26, 2020
Should work and friendship mix? Won’t that make us less productive and more distracted?
Author Shasta Nelson asks a different question: “What if friendships at work benefitted all of us?”
Nelson doesn’t advocate the necessity of developing a best friend at work; rather, she advocates creating an environment of friendliness in the workplace. She offers practical suggestions for setting healthy goals and expectations for relationships at work, including how to deal with a toxic coworker.
Even in our current work-from-home environment, this book offers lots of practical suggestions about how to create teams of people that truly see and hear each other.
Part 1 contains a lot of research statistics and feels a bit heavy, but parts 2 and 3 provide lots of challenge, inspiration, practical application, and workplace stories.
If you want to have better relationships at work, read this book!
Author Shasta Nelson asks a different question: “What if friendships at work benefitted all of us?”
Nelson doesn’t advocate the necessity of developing a best friend at work; rather, she advocates creating an environment of friendliness in the workplace. She offers practical suggestions for setting healthy goals and expectations for relationships at work, including how to deal with a toxic coworker.
Even in our current work-from-home environment, this book offers lots of practical suggestions about how to create teams of people that truly see and hear each other.
Part 1 contains a lot of research statistics and feels a bit heavy, but parts 2 and 3 provide lots of challenge, inspiration, practical application, and workplace stories.
If you want to have better relationships at work, read this book!
August 22, 2020
I have operated under the premise that when we go to work, we are there to work, not make friends. Shasta Nelson offers research that turns that premise upside down. We need friendships at work! We spend so much time at work that we have no time or energy left to build friendships outside of work. Companies and organizations benefit from our friendships too because we are happier and less likely to call in sick, we bring our friends and their talents with us, along with many other reasons. Shasta Nelson is skilled at weaving stories and research together in such a seamless way that this book makes for a very informative and entertaining read.
Read
September 16, 2020Insightful and Practical. Loved the book so much that I also bought the audiobook to hear it straight from the author.
As an HR professional I found this book to be eye opening, insightful and practical. I had no idea how impactful a meaningful friendship at work could not only benefit the employee’s health and wellness but the company’s bottom line. Shasta first gives you the evidence and then presents her model, and then gives examples of how to implement. All of this in a positive manner to inspire you take the chance to work for better relationships at work.
I found Shasta’s other books on friendship, “Friendships Don’t Just Happen” and “Frientimacy”– helpful to me to work on making friends in my personal life as an adult and this book made me be in this book she rounds it out to the work environment.
The helpful straight forward approach of the three requirements for friendship make you feel like you can do this one step at a time without overwhelming you.
Shasta doesn’t just tell us how important it is for so many reasons to foster friendships in the workplace but provides a how to guide.
Now that I am done reading the book I put it on my desk at work as a conversation starter.
As an HR professional I found this book to be eye opening, insightful and practical. I had no idea how impactful a meaningful friendship at work could not only benefit the employee’s health and wellness but the company’s bottom line. Shasta first gives you the evidence and then presents her model, and then gives examples of how to implement. All of this in a positive manner to inspire you take the chance to work for better relationships at work.
I found Shasta’s other books on friendship, “Friendships Don’t Just Happen” and “Frientimacy”– helpful to me to work on making friends in my personal life as an adult and this book made me be in this book she rounds it out to the work environment.
The helpful straight forward approach of the three requirements for friendship make you feel like you can do this one step at a time without overwhelming you.
Shasta doesn’t just tell us how important it is for so many reasons to foster friendships in the workplace but provides a how to guide.
Now that I am done reading the book I put it on my desk at work as a conversation starter.
Read
July 26, 2020I am 75%through the book and it’s challenging what I have long believed about work relationships-that they should be separate from my personal friendships. Another thing I can say is that Shasta has sure done her research! I’m still processing and mulling over all the information, but the book has made me look at my work relationships with fresh eyes, which I am grateful for considering I have worked for the same firm for almost 20 years.
July 22, 2020
Main summary: Breaks down what creates healthy bonds and reveals the 3 requirements necessary in all healthy relationships and teams.
I have read Shasta's other books and watched some of her Youtube videos. Her insight into friendship and how to make/keep them has been so helpful. This takes it into the context of work, and really gives great insight into those relationships and why to nurture them.
I have read Shasta's other books and watched some of her Youtube videos. Her insight into friendship and how to make/keep them has been so helpful. This takes it into the context of work, and really gives great insight into those relationships and why to nurture them.
Currently reading
July 20, 2020Although I have not completed this book, what I have read so far excited me so much that I am posting a pre-review of the book. This is a great book to strengthen your personal and work relationships. The book not only walks you through exactly how to do that in a way that benefits us. Shasta is an excellent author, public speaker and teacher.
{I'll add more details as after I complete the book.}
{I'll add more details as after I complete the book.}
July 28, 2020
Such a timely and solid read. I blazed through it too quickly and half way through it I realized that this book garnished more than a drive by reading....it has so much value. I was quickly connecting many dots. My yellow highlighter and I got reacquainted. I really liked the "it is not conflict that hurts a relationship, or organization, as much as our response to that conflict."
So sometimes letting it go can fester...just like in any relationship. Even the one with ourselves. Yep. Yes. Yes Ma'me. This book should be handled out on the first day of any job or position.
So sometimes letting it go can fester...just like in any relationship. Even the one with ourselves. Yep. Yes. Yes Ma'me. This book should be handled out on the first day of any job or position.
November 12, 2020
Many people believe that close friendships should never be developed in the workplace. According to author Shasta Nelson, most people form their most intimate friendships in the work environment. Nelson builds a case for the value and importance of work friendships. In one study, she says 75% of us who have a best friend at work say we feel we can "take anything on" compared to only 58% of those who don't have a best friend at work.
The Business of Friendship is an excellent manual to understanding how to embrace business friendships while maintaining professionalism. This book is well researched and documents many sociological studies and antidotal stories that will make the point come through.
In the second part of the book, the author creates a triangle or pyramid to explain how healthy friendship must develop. Each side of the three-sided pyramid is an essential attribute that must be considered. These include consistency, vulnerability, and positivity. She goes into great detail into how each of these elements must work independently while simultaneously achieving a healthy friendship.
If you skim through the chapter titles at first glance, as I did, you may be drawn to chapter nine, "Reducing the Impact of Toxic Coworkers."
I read this chapter first. The author sites that 94% of leaders said they worked with a toxic employee in the past five years. She gives excellent examples of identifying some of the significant issues and how to respond to the toxicity that exists. "Putting up with something, as is, is not maturity; it's fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of powerlessness, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being liked, fear of change…"
The Business of Friendship should be on every leader's bookshelf. It is a reminder that leaders must encourage trust and vulnerability in the work environment.
The Business of Friendship is an excellent manual to understanding how to embrace business friendships while maintaining professionalism. This book is well researched and documents many sociological studies and antidotal stories that will make the point come through.
In the second part of the book, the author creates a triangle or pyramid to explain how healthy friendship must develop. Each side of the three-sided pyramid is an essential attribute that must be considered. These include consistency, vulnerability, and positivity. She goes into great detail into how each of these elements must work independently while simultaneously achieving a healthy friendship.
If you skim through the chapter titles at first glance, as I did, you may be drawn to chapter nine, "Reducing the Impact of Toxic Coworkers."
I read this chapter first. The author sites that 94% of leaders said they worked with a toxic employee in the past five years. She gives excellent examples of identifying some of the significant issues and how to respond to the toxicity that exists. "Putting up with something, as is, is not maturity; it's fear. Fear of confrontation, fear of powerlessness, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being liked, fear of change…"
The Business of Friendship should be on every leader's bookshelf. It is a reminder that leaders must encourage trust and vulnerability in the work environment.
April 22, 2023
Human relationships are complicated; this is why people often prefer to keep a distance from their co-workers (they are not at work to make friends after all, are they?)
This book challenges the opinion above. It begins with highlighting the importance of friendship - providing a bunch of scientific evidence - and then explains how friendships at work can be a game changer for employees' productivity and emotional balance alike. According to this book, all relationships are based on three pillars: consistency (how much time we spend with a particular person), positivity (how much positive feeling derives from our encounters with them) and vulnerability (how much we share, allowing each other to be vulnerable). Through a lot of examples, it is shown that we can improve relationships by identifying the lacking "ingredient" and work on improving it. This doesn't mean that we have to be (best) friends with everybody: not all people are destined to be at the top of our "frientimacy" triangle. To this end, there is also practical advice about how to stabilize lower-level friendships at work.
I really appreciated the practical tips provided throughout the book! The extra chapter, about how to keep the work-friendships "alive" after you (or your friends) quit the job, was also full of useful information. Last, Shasta is a great narrator! The audiobook was a pleasure to listen to!
Who recommended the book to me: I really don't recall; could have been Goodreads?
I would recommend to: people who are into non-fiction books and are interested in learning more (or in finding ways to navigate through) human relationships
This book challenges the opinion above. It begins with highlighting the importance of friendship - providing a bunch of scientific evidence - and then explains how friendships at work can be a game changer for employees' productivity and emotional balance alike. According to this book, all relationships are based on three pillars: consistency (how much time we spend with a particular person), positivity (how much positive feeling derives from our encounters with them) and vulnerability (how much we share, allowing each other to be vulnerable). Through a lot of examples, it is shown that we can improve relationships by identifying the lacking "ingredient" and work on improving it. This doesn't mean that we have to be (best) friends with everybody: not all people are destined to be at the top of our "frientimacy" triangle. To this end, there is also practical advice about how to stabilize lower-level friendships at work.
I really appreciated the practical tips provided throughout the book! The extra chapter, about how to keep the work-friendships "alive" after you (or your friends) quit the job, was also full of useful information. Last, Shasta is a great narrator! The audiobook was a pleasure to listen to!
Who recommended the book to me: I really don't recall; could have been Goodreads?
I would recommend to: people who are into non-fiction books and are interested in learning more (or in finding ways to navigate through) human relationships
October 24, 2020
Companies are searching high and low for ways to retain their talent. And one simple way to do that is to encourage friendships in the workplace.
Friendship expert Shasta Nelson goes deep into quantitative and qualitative data to explain why we (employees) feel the need to belong, and to feel seen at work.
Through her research, she outlines why friendships at work are actually helpful, and worth the work.
This book is easy to read, despite being chock-full of data. I appreciate her case studies and client examples. And like Brene Brown, Shasta addresses the need to build our vulnerabilty muscles.
She also talks about being a leader/manager and why it doesn't have to be lonely at the top. (Something I struggled with as a young leader, especially when I was responsible for managing team members who were my own age).
I recommend this book to HR leaders, CEOs and current and aspiring managers who are trying to drive employee engagement and cultural change.
Trust is vital, so a way to built it is to foster positive connections.
Shasta Nelson tells us how.
Many thanks to Harper Collins Leadership, via Netgalley, for an electronic copy of this book in exchange for my review.
Friendship expert Shasta Nelson goes deep into quantitative and qualitative data to explain why we (employees) feel the need to belong, and to feel seen at work.
Through her research, she outlines why friendships at work are actually helpful, and worth the work.
This book is easy to read, despite being chock-full of data. I appreciate her case studies and client examples. And like Brene Brown, Shasta addresses the need to build our vulnerabilty muscles.
She also talks about being a leader/manager and why it doesn't have to be lonely at the top. (Something I struggled with as a young leader, especially when I was responsible for managing team members who were my own age).
I recommend this book to HR leaders, CEOs and current and aspiring managers who are trying to drive employee engagement and cultural change.
Trust is vital, so a way to built it is to foster positive connections.
Shasta Nelson tells us how.
Many thanks to Harper Collins Leadership, via Netgalley, for an electronic copy of this book in exchange for my review.
December 12, 2022
TWith its cryptic title, “The Business of Friendship” is about friendship at workplaces. It is an advice book for managers and workers. However, the advice lacks credibility.
After advocating workplace friendship as an avenue to productivity, innovation, and employee wellbeing, the main body of the book centers on the familiar “three components” framework. Meaningful and lasting friendships are built on positivity, consistency, and vulnerability. The book introduces and explains these principles and advises on their applications in the workplace. The book also talks about some issues unique to the workplace, such as building inclusive working relationships, dealing with jealousy and gossip, and forging friendships that outlast employment.
The advice provided by the book is sensible, and some even novel. However, the book does not offer any support on how the advice would be effective. I could have written a similar book without any research or experience. I may provide a different set of advice, but they would be just as credible and sensible. Therefore, I don’t see much value in this book.
Friendship in the workplace is indeed an important topic, and I am happy to see a book on the subject. However, I also hope that this book is not the last one.
After advocating workplace friendship as an avenue to productivity, innovation, and employee wellbeing, the main body of the book centers on the familiar “three components” framework. Meaningful and lasting friendships are built on positivity, consistency, and vulnerability. The book introduces and explains these principles and advises on their applications in the workplace. The book also talks about some issues unique to the workplace, such as building inclusive working relationships, dealing with jealousy and gossip, and forging friendships that outlast employment.
The advice provided by the book is sensible, and some even novel. However, the book does not offer any support on how the advice would be effective. I could have written a similar book without any research or experience. I may provide a different set of advice, but they would be just as credible and sensible. Therefore, I don’t see much value in this book.
Friendship in the workplace is indeed an important topic, and I am happy to see a book on the subject. However, I also hope that this book is not the last one.
February 23, 2022
(I received an ARC from Net Galley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review)
I really enjoyed that this book broke down making friendships in an office environment down to 3 simple steps. Shasta is excellent at explaining the importance of fostering strong relationships in the workplace but also makes building those friendships actionable for everyone so you can walk away with steps to take so you can get closer to your co-workers.
I really enjoyed that this book broke down making friendships in an office environment down to 3 simple steps. Shasta is excellent at explaining the importance of fostering strong relationships in the workplace but also makes building those friendships actionable for everyone so you can walk away with steps to take so you can get closer to your co-workers.
October 3, 2022
I really enjoyed this refreshing take on opening up the workplace to friendship! It had a lot of supporting evidence and had a warm tone that was casual enough to keep you engaged but serious enough to take the advice seriously unlike some other social relationship books these days lmao. It really shifted my perspective on friendships and relationships as a whole!!
June 24, 2025
Solid and well-paced book with practical advice for fostering relationships at work. As an educator, I approached this with a dual lens: as a coworker starting a new job at a new school and as a teacher fostering friendship space and opportunity among my students. I think there is additional room here to take this book’s ideas and let a group of teachers apply it to classroom culture building.
April 15, 2022
This is a light and practical book. I think it would be really valuable to new college graduates or those who have worked remotely for some period of time. It is not a how to book as much as a how to think about it book.
December 26, 2020
Very good concepts, a little repetitive to listen to. Many of the statistics get redundant, but I see have they are needed to give the concepts their validity.
August 15, 2021
I had a hard time getting through the beginning chapters focused on the research, and then enjoyed the chapters about applying the techniques to work. I took several notes!
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