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Kill Reply All
Want to Marie Kondo your digital life and develop a more tactful approach to technology? By a leading tech and digital culture journalist, Kill Reply All is a guide to tidying it all up.
How do you reply to your colleague’s weird e-mail? What would Emily Post say about your Tinder profile? And just how do you know if you’re mansplaining? In this irreverent journey through the murky world of digital etiquette, Wired’s Victoria Turk provides an indispensable guide to minding our manners in a brave new online world, and making peace with the platforms, apps, and devices we love to hate. The digital revolution has put us all within a few clicks, taps, and swipes of one another. But familiarity can breed contempt, and while we’re more likely than ever to fall in love online, we’re also more likely to fall headfirst into a raging fight with a stranger or into an unhealthy obsession with the phones in our pockets. If you’ve ever encountered the surreal, aggravating battlefields of digital life and wondered why we all don’t go analog, this is the book for you.
How do you reply to your colleague’s weird e-mail? What would Emily Post say about your Tinder profile? And just how do you know if you’re mansplaining? In this irreverent journey through the murky world of digital etiquette, Wired’s Victoria Turk provides an indispensable guide to minding our manners in a brave new online world, and making peace with the platforms, apps, and devices we love to hate. The digital revolution has put us all within a few clicks, taps, and swipes of one another. But familiarity can breed contempt, and while we’re more likely than ever to fall in love online, we’re also more likely to fall headfirst into a raging fight with a stranger or into an unhealthy obsession with the phones in our pockets. If you’ve ever encountered the surreal, aggravating battlefields of digital life and wondered why we all don’t go analog, this is the book for you.
224 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 1, 2020
28 people are currently reading
418 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
January 12, 2020
Don't let the title fool you. This is not an etiquette guide. The chapter on work email provides solid advice for how to navigate technology and social norms politely, but the rest of the book is the equivalent of a tipsy girl at the bar shouting over the noise, "You want to know what ELSE I hate about people online??" while her friends laugh, slow-clap at her snarkiest points, and tell her that she should start a podcast. Also, those friends are probably all female, with one token male who enjoys being told that he's trash.
The book really did start out well. The opening chapter about email was genuinely helpful to me. I learned about the dynamics and etiquette of copying and blind-copying, about the appropriate times to send emails, and about how to sign off a message, which is something I've often struggled with. The author also shares funny stories about catastrophic National Health Service and MP email gaffes, and she says things like, "If you sign off your email with 'love,' you are either a ten-year-old girl or an HR disaster ready to happen." I laughed a lot and thought that it was a good decision for me to request this from the library. Alas, no.
Aside from that one chapter, I can only say two positive things about this book. First, it made me laugh a lot, because even though the concentration and intensity of the author's snark became unbearable before I reached the end of the book, she is very witty and had lots of funny observations and sarcastic flow-charts, about like when to leave a voicemail. (Spoiler alert: Never.) Secondly, because she is British, she beats a different dead horse than Americans and kept referencing Brexit instead of Trump, so that was a nice change of pace.
However, by the time that I was halfway through this book, I discovered that the author isn't someone I would like to hang out with in real-life, much less take etiquette advice from. She makes incredibly harsh sweeping generalizations, promotes her own subjective social views as the standard for politeness, is cuttingly snarky, and normalizes toxic online behaviors instead of holding the Internet to a standard for real-life politeness. Even though she strongly discourages ghosting, trolling, and all forms of sexual harassment, she enshrines other negative aspects of the Internet as both inevitable and appropriate, such as the expectation that people should reply immediately on messenger apps.
Instead of encouraging her readers to get perspective, she actually tells them that they are justified in getting upset and angry when someone hasn't responded promptly, especially if they can see that this love interest or friend has been active on the app. Really?! Maybe they needed to send a quick message to confirm a time for a hang-out! Maybe they need more time to think about how to respond to you! It's understandable that people feel stressed when they don't get a prompt response, but this is a sign that the Internet has warped life, not that people should have to reply instantly. Even though chronically delayed responses can be a pain point in some relationships, it is unreasonable for this supposed "etiquette" guide to ENCOURAGE people to be selfish and demanding with other people's time and attention.
On a more dramatic note, the author also writes about sexting as an acceptable norm. In the chapter on online dating, she discourages tired and cliched bios, questionable profile photos, inappropriate behaviors from men, and ghosting, but she thinks that nude photo exchanges are totally acceptable as long as both parties are of age and enthusiastically consent. She notes that you should never share the other person's nudes with your friends (yeah, and who's policing that on the other end?), and she warns that women especially should keep the potential for "revenge porn" in mind, but it doesn't occur to her that sending nude photos might have other dangers or be a generally terrible way of developing a relationship. She doesn't mention the risk of your photo being stored as data online, a site getting hacked, either persons' phone being hacked, or your love interest's mom picking up his phone while it's unlocked and looking through everything he has saved to his camera roll recently.
Even though I was thoroughly unimpressed with the chapter about romantic relationships, I pressed on, sucked in by the occasional dopamine hits from the funny parts and hoping that the book would improve later on. Unfortunately, the friendship chapter that I had persevered to get to shared pearls of wisdom like, "Friends don't let friends break Snap streaks." WOW. Let me say it again: just because something happens on the Internet doesn't mean that it is good and ought to be normalized. Snapchat streaks exist to make money for Snapchat. The company profits off relational insecurity, teenager's desperate desires to feel connected, and the fear that even adults have of disrupting a multi-day streak. This has nothing to do with actual friendship.
My other issue with this book is that even though it appears geared towards a general audience, the author has absolutely nothing positive to say about men in the entire book. It is well within the purview of this book for her to call out sexual harassment, other inappropriate behaviors, and problematic attitudes that create problems for women online, but even though this was absolutely valid and necessary, her incredibly harsh, sweeping generalizations imply that all men are terrible. She even states that any man with the word "gamer" in his online bio is a misogynist. Does she even realize that perfectly decent, kind men are going to read this book? Did she think that she was just writing this for fellow females?
Oh, look. I used the word "female." According to her sweeping generalizations and handy dandy checklist, that means I'm The Modern Misogynist. HAHAHAHA. I didn't even do this on purpose to make a point. Sometimes I just refer to "males" and "females" as catch-all terms that don't specify whether someone is a child or adult. But, you know, CLEARLY it means that I hate women.
I felt mounting rage throughout this whole book, and because I am a woman, I had the right and privilege to feel that rage. If I were a guy, then she would take this reaction as proof of all of her negative points. Then I would be a man perpetuating that whole #NotAllMen crap, simply because I had the AUDACITY to suggest that I should be treated as an individual human being instead of lumped together with the scum of the Internet! The incredibly harsh generalizations were unbearable to me, and most of her examples and advice snippets throughout the book are geared towards a female readership in such a way that the message of "you're trash; don't be a creep" is the only part of the book addressed towards men.
I would never recommend this book to anyone regardless, but I would NEVER recommend it to a guy. Even I found it incredibly demoralizing to read the constant references to men's bad behaviors without any counterbalance to show that not all men are like this. Also, this woman so adorably denies the mere possibility that she could be prejudiced in any way! On her checklist for identifying The Modern Misogynist, she mentions guys who believe that misandry is a thing. The definition of this word? "Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex)." It doesn't refer to structural inequality, as misogyny has been co-opted to mean. It refers to dislike, contempt, and ingrained prejudice, and trust me, that is ALL I saw from her!
Again, it was appropriate for her to call out specific toxic behaviors that men commonly bring into the Internet sphere. I didn't have a problem with this. However, she doesn't distinguish abusive creeps from normal, well-adjusted men, and she even over-attributes negative things online to men. For example, she thinks that the phenomenon of the Twitter thread is an outgrowth of mansplaining in which people who are not experts on a topic believe that their followers need a long, multi-stage hot take on an issue. Valid. However, she argues that this is a predominately male event. Are you KIDDING me? Women create threads on Twitter all the time! This is an equal-opportunity annoying trait.
I HATED this book. I am still flooded with stress hormones thinking about it. I HATED THIS.
I really should have given up on this book at some point. It filled me with such rage, and when I went to bed last night, I had trouble falling asleep because I kept writing and rewriting mental drafts of this review. (Trust me, a lot of them were even less charitable than this one.) I eventually turned to mindful breathing and pleasant thoughts and fell asleep, but it was still a top priority for me to tell the Internet how much I despise this book. There is no segment of society that I would ever recommend this to other than people who don't mind harsh generalizations and want to flip through a book-length Buzzfeed article and have some laughs.
The good news about this book is that it will become dated very quickly. It is full of current Internet slang and practices, and even though it may be a cultural curio in twenty years, it's not going to stay relevant and will drift away with the passage of time. I honestly hated this so much that I'm not sure why I finished it, but since I did, I have written a complete review that I will cross-post on Amazon so that I can encourage as many people as possible to skip this and look somewhere entirely different to find actual answers about etiquette in the digital age.
The book really did start out well. The opening chapter about email was genuinely helpful to me. I learned about the dynamics and etiquette of copying and blind-copying, about the appropriate times to send emails, and about how to sign off a message, which is something I've often struggled with. The author also shares funny stories about catastrophic National Health Service and MP email gaffes, and she says things like, "If you sign off your email with 'love,' you are either a ten-year-old girl or an HR disaster ready to happen." I laughed a lot and thought that it was a good decision for me to request this from the library. Alas, no.
Aside from that one chapter, I can only say two positive things about this book. First, it made me laugh a lot, because even though the concentration and intensity of the author's snark became unbearable before I reached the end of the book, she is very witty and had lots of funny observations and sarcastic flow-charts, about like when to leave a voicemail. (Spoiler alert: Never.) Secondly, because she is British, she beats a different dead horse than Americans and kept referencing Brexit instead of Trump, so that was a nice change of pace.
However, by the time that I was halfway through this book, I discovered that the author isn't someone I would like to hang out with in real-life, much less take etiquette advice from. She makes incredibly harsh sweeping generalizations, promotes her own subjective social views as the standard for politeness, is cuttingly snarky, and normalizes toxic online behaviors instead of holding the Internet to a standard for real-life politeness. Even though she strongly discourages ghosting, trolling, and all forms of sexual harassment, she enshrines other negative aspects of the Internet as both inevitable and appropriate, such as the expectation that people should reply immediately on messenger apps.
Instead of encouraging her readers to get perspective, she actually tells them that they are justified in getting upset and angry when someone hasn't responded promptly, especially if they can see that this love interest or friend has been active on the app. Really?! Maybe they needed to send a quick message to confirm a time for a hang-out! Maybe they need more time to think about how to respond to you! It's understandable that people feel stressed when they don't get a prompt response, but this is a sign that the Internet has warped life, not that people should have to reply instantly. Even though chronically delayed responses can be a pain point in some relationships, it is unreasonable for this supposed "etiquette" guide to ENCOURAGE people to be selfish and demanding with other people's time and attention.
On a more dramatic note, the author also writes about sexting as an acceptable norm. In the chapter on online dating, she discourages tired and cliched bios, questionable profile photos, inappropriate behaviors from men, and ghosting, but she thinks that nude photo exchanges are totally acceptable as long as both parties are of age and enthusiastically consent. She notes that you should never share the other person's nudes with your friends (yeah, and who's policing that on the other end?), and she warns that women especially should keep the potential for "revenge porn" in mind, but it doesn't occur to her that sending nude photos might have other dangers or be a generally terrible way of developing a relationship. She doesn't mention the risk of your photo being stored as data online, a site getting hacked, either persons' phone being hacked, or your love interest's mom picking up his phone while it's unlocked and looking through everything he has saved to his camera roll recently.
Even though I was thoroughly unimpressed with the chapter about romantic relationships, I pressed on, sucked in by the occasional dopamine hits from the funny parts and hoping that the book would improve later on. Unfortunately, the friendship chapter that I had persevered to get to shared pearls of wisdom like, "Friends don't let friends break Snap streaks." WOW. Let me say it again: just because something happens on the Internet doesn't mean that it is good and ought to be normalized. Snapchat streaks exist to make money for Snapchat. The company profits off relational insecurity, teenager's desperate desires to feel connected, and the fear that even adults have of disrupting a multi-day streak. This has nothing to do with actual friendship.
My other issue with this book is that even though it appears geared towards a general audience, the author has absolutely nothing positive to say about men in the entire book. It is well within the purview of this book for her to call out sexual harassment, other inappropriate behaviors, and problematic attitudes that create problems for women online, but even though this was absolutely valid and necessary, her incredibly harsh, sweeping generalizations imply that all men are terrible. She even states that any man with the word "gamer" in his online bio is a misogynist. Does she even realize that perfectly decent, kind men are going to read this book? Did she think that she was just writing this for fellow females?
Oh, look. I used the word "female." According to her sweeping generalizations and handy dandy checklist, that means I'm The Modern Misogynist. HAHAHAHA. I didn't even do this on purpose to make a point. Sometimes I just refer to "males" and "females" as catch-all terms that don't specify whether someone is a child or adult. But, you know, CLEARLY it means that I hate women.
I felt mounting rage throughout this whole book, and because I am a woman, I had the right and privilege to feel that rage. If I were a guy, then she would take this reaction as proof of all of her negative points. Then I would be a man perpetuating that whole #NotAllMen crap, simply because I had the AUDACITY to suggest that I should be treated as an individual human being instead of lumped together with the scum of the Internet! The incredibly harsh generalizations were unbearable to me, and most of her examples and advice snippets throughout the book are geared towards a female readership in such a way that the message of "you're trash; don't be a creep" is the only part of the book addressed towards men.
I would never recommend this book to anyone regardless, but I would NEVER recommend it to a guy. Even I found it incredibly demoralizing to read the constant references to men's bad behaviors without any counterbalance to show that not all men are like this. Also, this woman so adorably denies the mere possibility that she could be prejudiced in any way! On her checklist for identifying The Modern Misogynist, she mentions guys who believe that misandry is a thing. The definition of this word? "Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex)." It doesn't refer to structural inequality, as misogyny has been co-opted to mean. It refers to dislike, contempt, and ingrained prejudice, and trust me, that is ALL I saw from her!
Again, it was appropriate for her to call out specific toxic behaviors that men commonly bring into the Internet sphere. I didn't have a problem with this. However, she doesn't distinguish abusive creeps from normal, well-adjusted men, and she even over-attributes negative things online to men. For example, she thinks that the phenomenon of the Twitter thread is an outgrowth of mansplaining in which people who are not experts on a topic believe that their followers need a long, multi-stage hot take on an issue. Valid. However, she argues that this is a predominately male event. Are you KIDDING me? Women create threads on Twitter all the time! This is an equal-opportunity annoying trait.
I HATED this book. I am still flooded with stress hormones thinking about it. I HATED THIS.
I really should have given up on this book at some point. It filled me with such rage, and when I went to bed last night, I had trouble falling asleep because I kept writing and rewriting mental drafts of this review. (Trust me, a lot of them were even less charitable than this one.) I eventually turned to mindful breathing and pleasant thoughts and fell asleep, but it was still a top priority for me to tell the Internet how much I despise this book. There is no segment of society that I would ever recommend this to other than people who don't mind harsh generalizations and want to flip through a book-length Buzzfeed article and have some laughs.
The good news about this book is that it will become dated very quickly. It is full of current Internet slang and practices, and even though it may be a cultural curio in twenty years, it's not going to stay relevant and will drift away with the passage of time. I honestly hated this so much that I'm not sure why I finished it, but since I did, I have written a complete review that I will cross-post on Amazon so that I can encourage as many people as possible to skip this and look somewhere entirely different to find actual answers about etiquette in the digital age.
Read
January 13, 2020Aside from shunning the dreaded 'reply all,' the world of email etiquette is perpetually murky. What's the right tone for an employer? An employee? Some rando from the Internet? In this peppy book, a Wired editor lays out some guidelines, and whether you agree with any or all of them, you'll find it fascinating! My longer review is here: https://openlettersreview.com/posts/k...
January 29, 2020
Meh. A few valuable suggestions, but mostly a snarky book about online behaviors the author says aren't cool or, horrors, only OLD people do. Yep, I put punctuation in my texts sometimes - apparently I'm a troubled soul. You get the idea. The author states that 'good etiquette means...having empathy and patience, and generally just not being a jerk'. No kidding.
March 5, 2020
A funny, useful guide to better behavior online. I learned some new terms and the meanings of others that I had heard but never understood. Side note: there doesn't need to be a flow chart (as there is here on page 81) to answer the question "Should I send a dick pic?" The answer to that question, and to any question involving whether any nude photo should ever be sent, is always NO.
January 16, 2020
While this was a relatively fast read with great tips and facts to back up her claims, I truly question why some of these tips had to be in here. Seriously, if you don't know how to start a coherent, casual, non-creepy conversation on a dating site, I straight up have no idea how you've managed to live on this planet for as long as you have. A lot of this stuff isn't rocket science, folks, just common sense and basic human decency. But considering the vitriol found on social media today, maybe more people need this book more than others. A fun, fast read with some interesting facts, I just question how many people will find most of this information useful (outside of people who have never used social media sites or have no clue how to use one).
March 4, 2020
I checked this out for its advice on email etiquette (I have OPINIONS on email etiquette) and I thought it said a lot of great things that made sense. I kept reading on for the other aspects of online communication and was amused, but I'm not sure how helpful some of the items were. It's a fun book.
February 12, 2020
Meh. Not that good. Finished because some of it was helpful (although I did skip the entire section on love). Didn’t feel like an etiquette guide and instead felt like a list of things that annoy the author.
January 23, 2020
This was a great book that says the things we think about online etiquette, but haven't really been put together in one place yet. Yes, social etiquette is alive and well, and should still be a thing for online activities! Manners, people.
April 6, 2020
I heard the author on NPR and liked the interview so got the book from the library. There is some good information here (and some obvious stuff) but, wow, am I grateful my life doesn't resemble the lives implied by this book. If you need a flow chart to decide whether to send a dick pic, this is the book for you.
January 20, 2020
Voicemails are pointless and should be banned forevermore. The people who could most benefit from this book won't read it.
November 1, 2020
There's a lot to like here, especially for those who often feel as though they never know quite how to handle themselves on the all-too-public internet. Even if you've been online your whole life, you'll find something to inform or at the very least entertain you. I'm a fairly confident social media user, with a communications background that makes me unusually sensitive to etiquette in general, and I still learned plenty: handy strategies for heading off a reply-all storm, covert contexts for some of the more obscure emoji, and minimalist approaches to email management that will keep my inbox a less hectic place next time I'm swamped.
Trying to cover a topic as broad as social media etiquette is a tall order, and the book's structure felt a little uneven for me, delving deeply into some subjects and barely scratching the surface of others. As a general reference, though, I think it's worth a place on your shelf.
Trying to cover a topic as broad as social media etiquette is a tall order, and the book's structure felt a little uneven for me, delving deeply into some subjects and barely scratching the surface of others. As a general reference, though, I think it's worth a place on your shelf.
March 26, 2021
Fairly entertaining. I like the author's wit. Since I'm not part of a large corporation, nor do I use dating apps or plan to, nor am I actively on any social media platforms mentioned, not much of this book applied to me. (I also don't find email "intensely stressful.") But it's somewhat enlightening as to what's current in the online world (yikes), and I'm a fan of etiquette.
My younger children, those currently 18 and under, have been required to take Digital Citizenship as part of their elementary and middle school curriculum. Unfortunately, the majority of current adults never had that crash course in how to use the internet and social media safely and respectfully. This book may be helpful to some. It feels strongly geared toward millennials.
Quotes noted by this non-millennial:
"You should therefore always get permission from people before tagging them in an image. In fact, always get permission before you post photos of them on the internet, full stop." (p. 156)
"..everyone just had a rather different idea of digital privacy back then." (referring to Facebook, pre-2012)
"Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, but post online like everything you write could one day be read by your boss, your mother, or a court of law." (p. 160)
My younger children, those currently 18 and under, have been required to take Digital Citizenship as part of their elementary and middle school curriculum. Unfortunately, the majority of current adults never had that crash course in how to use the internet and social media safely and respectfully. This book may be helpful to some. It feels strongly geared toward millennials.
Quotes noted by this non-millennial:
"You should therefore always get permission from people before tagging them in an image. In fact, always get permission before you post photos of them on the internet, full stop." (p. 156)
"..everyone just had a rather different idea of digital privacy back then." (referring to Facebook, pre-2012)
"Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, but post online like everything you write could one day be read by your boss, your mother, or a court of law." (p. 160)
December 11, 2020
Pretty thin in the content department. First chapter was about email, had a lot of obvious advice (at least obvious if you’ve been using email for a while). I liked the following chapters better, because I know less about the subjects (online dating, social media, stuff like that). Sometimes funny, but a lot of the humor is shallow. Got an extra star for being short.
January 11, 2021
The beginning chapter on email is flawless and widely applicable. The sections on online dating are hit or miss - some stuff is clearly for a defined audience, which is okay! The social media chapters towards the end are amazing. Overall, a very good and concise read about social interaction in the modern era.
January 22, 2020
Solid electronic communication advice for both work and personal. Highly recommend.
February 28, 2020
This book is amazing! It has been in my queue for a long time, not really a priority, and I didn't have many expectations form it. Boy, was I wrong! It is not just a set of guidelines, it is brilliant, quirky, funny and generally interesting. It took me a couple of hours to finish it. And then I started it again! I haven't read anything like this for a long time! A must-read!
February 2, 2021
Kill Reply All is a snarky British etiquette manual to conducting one's self online in age of too many social media choices. I was particularly interested in streamlining the modern inbox and I gleaned a few tips to manage email a lot better.
February 18, 2020
It started off well enough, talking about work culture and the role of emails, IM, CC fields, and the like. The rest of the book wasn't that interesting (at least to me). Subjects varied from the true meaning of emojis to online dating profiles. There were some clever flow charts and fun jokes mixed in, but overall, I was uninspired.
Book in three words:
British, snarky, unimpressive
Quotes to remember:
"...I think we can all agree that email is completely out of control. It no longer helps us to work; it is work."
Book in three words:
British, snarky, unimpressive
Quotes to remember:
"...I think we can all agree that email is completely out of control. It no longer helps us to work; it is work."
March 6, 2020
The best thing about this book is the first part of its title: "Kill Reply All." You already know the stuff in this book. So disappointing.
January 28, 2020
The first chapter, which focused on work (emails, slacking, etc.) was interesting enough. It quickly went downhill, though. I have zero idea who the target reader would be -- the author explained a lot of things in extreme detail (such as what an emoji is), but I can't imagine someone who doesn't really understand the internet wanting to pick up this book. Kind of confusing, trying to be humorous, but academic. Fell a little flat for me.
February 19, 2020
I really liked the chapters for work and on social marketing, because I there's good advice that I can use, but other than that. I sort of felt like it wasn't anything new that I didn't know about. Not sure who the intended audience is for this book. Definitely not millennials. And I hate that I fall under the millennial category!
May 31, 2020
2.5 stars: Presented as a lightweight Debrett's with a pinch of Elements of Style for the digital age, the initial promise unfortunately dissolves as chapters are increasingly smattered with too frequent generational judgments passed off as snark, making the handful of helpful hints harder and harder to find.
February 10, 2020
It was a fun quick read but there was no point. As someone mentioned, it wasn’t an etiquette guide. More a couple of facts regarding internet usage. While I hummed aloud when I recognized some of the references, that was about it.
January 31, 2020
If you work in an office or for an organization or agency where you are deluged by folks who blindly hit "reply all" in response to that email reminding folks that their time sheets are due and all manner of routine processes, then any book with a title containing the words "Kill Reply All" is going to immediately capture your attention. Turk's book consists of four chapters, a glossary, and the End Notes for those who might wish to fact check some of the finer points. I was most drawn to the book for the office email element, foregrounded in its title.
From the outset, Turk immediately establishes her tone as one of serious (i.e., useful) advice delivered in a chatty mode, peppered with self-deprecating humor, helpful box text (for the visual learner) such as the "Useful Translations of Common Email Phrases" found on p. 26, and high-level overview. She'll have you Marie Kondoing your inbox and playing corporate jargon bingo in no time.
Chapter 1 focuses on the workplace and offers five "golden rules" consisting of:
reduce email at all costs;
an empty inbox is the path to enlightenment;
assume that every you email is smarter and busier than you;
reply all at your peril; and
there is no excuse to leave a voicemail.
While I disagree entirely with the last point, at least within the context of my own workplace culture, there is much here that is spot on. For instance, her summary of the Inbox Zero movement (i.e., immediately chose among five possible actions for any email: delete, delegate, respond, defer, or do) is excellent. Turk is quick to remind readers about the challenges with email as relates to nuance and tone and its weakness as a discursive medium for constructive discussion and debate. She cautions that sending an email is not the answer in all cases.
From the workplace, Turk transports readers across the social media spectrum to tackle online dating (dos/don'ts of online dating profiles; an amusing typology of the Tinder school of portraiture, how to identify and avoid "dangerous dating beasts" such as the catfish, breadcrumbers, intellectuals, married men, and misogynists; and a hilarious flow chart on p. 81--much of which ends in "Just don't"--that we only wish Anthony Weiner had access to), to how to treat our friends respectfully and well across all manner of social media (another set of "golden rules" is provided along with the pros/cons of mute, leave, or block options) as well as some amusing insights into the varied uses of emoji and emoticons, and finally lands in what she refers to as "the art of community." This last section covers such annoying practices as mansplaining (OMG, every onboarding packet should include her "Are you Mansplaining?" chart from p. 179!), vagueposting, humblebragging, and/or tweetstorming.
Whether you have no intention of ever using Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, or any of the other common platforms and their myriad apps, this book assembles in one place an amusing and helpful overview of some of the assorted dos/don'ts that will have you chuckling (and perhaps cringing) in many places. It's a fun, fast read, you may learn some new jargon, and if only more folks would abide by her "Five Signs Your Twitter Threat is Too Long" advice, we'd be all set.
From the outset, Turk immediately establishes her tone as one of serious (i.e., useful) advice delivered in a chatty mode, peppered with self-deprecating humor, helpful box text (for the visual learner) such as the "Useful Translations of Common Email Phrases" found on p. 26, and high-level overview. She'll have you Marie Kondoing your inbox and playing corporate jargon bingo in no time.
Chapter 1 focuses on the workplace and offers five "golden rules" consisting of:
reduce email at all costs;
an empty inbox is the path to enlightenment;
assume that every you email is smarter and busier than you;
reply all at your peril; and
there is no excuse to leave a voicemail.
While I disagree entirely with the last point, at least within the context of my own workplace culture, there is much here that is spot on. For instance, her summary of the Inbox Zero movement (i.e., immediately chose among five possible actions for any email: delete, delegate, respond, defer, or do) is excellent. Turk is quick to remind readers about the challenges with email as relates to nuance and tone and its weakness as a discursive medium for constructive discussion and debate. She cautions that sending an email is not the answer in all cases.
From the workplace, Turk transports readers across the social media spectrum to tackle online dating (dos/don'ts of online dating profiles; an amusing typology of the Tinder school of portraiture, how to identify and avoid "dangerous dating beasts" such as the catfish, breadcrumbers, intellectuals, married men, and misogynists; and a hilarious flow chart on p. 81--much of which ends in "Just don't"--that we only wish Anthony Weiner had access to), to how to treat our friends respectfully and well across all manner of social media (another set of "golden rules" is provided along with the pros/cons of mute, leave, or block options) as well as some amusing insights into the varied uses of emoji and emoticons, and finally lands in what she refers to as "the art of community." This last section covers such annoying practices as mansplaining (OMG, every onboarding packet should include her "Are you Mansplaining?" chart from p. 179!), vagueposting, humblebragging, and/or tweetstorming.
Whether you have no intention of ever using Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat, or any of the other common platforms and their myriad apps, this book assembles in one place an amusing and helpful overview of some of the assorted dos/don'ts that will have you chuckling (and perhaps cringing) in many places. It's a fun, fast read, you may learn some new jargon, and if only more folks would abide by her "Five Signs Your Twitter Threat is Too Long" advice, we'd be all set.
January 14, 2020
As someone who has been a user of the internet for a long time I was curious about what _Kill Reply All_ would say, but skeptical that I’d learn a lot. I was wrong. Kill Reply All is a laugh-out-loud-entertaining review of how to communicate which covers many of the styles of interaction we use (phone, text, email, chat, social media) . You’ll learn to think about when certain media are appropriate (or not), and how best to use a medium that is new to you. For example, Slack might be great, but there are times when email is better. And a phone call really only works when you plan it (with a text, say). Even if you don’t agree with the recipes Turk proposes, you’ll have a chance to think about the question.
Context is important: you’ll want to make different choices when interacting with colleagues, partners, friends, and the community on a social network and the chapters are structured along those lines.
Part of the fun of the book is how Turk illustrates the things not to do with examples that you may recognize -- either as things you have seen from others -- and sometimes yourself. (Note: Even if you think it’s only something others do, some self reflection is often the best approach to developing a good etiquette, as you may well fall into some bad habits.)
Though humor pervades the book, there is some really solid, sober advice here. A section at the end about call out culture is particularly worth consideration, and in fact, the last chapter on the “art of community” has concise advice about topics like how to identify Fake News and trolls, and how to distinguish bad behavior from honest interaction errors, and when it’s best to let things slide or simply walk away.
While not a perfect book (some of the suggestions didn't take some situations and professions into account, for example), it was a short fun read. You may get this book for the humor, and/or perhaps to get acquainted with how to use tools your kids, or parents use. You are also likely to end up thinking about how you interact with people via your devices, and whether you agree with all of Victoria Turks’ rules of etiquette or not, thinking about it is the first step to better interactions.
Context is important: you’ll want to make different choices when interacting with colleagues, partners, friends, and the community on a social network and the chapters are structured along those lines.
Part of the fun of the book is how Turk illustrates the things not to do with examples that you may recognize -- either as things you have seen from others -- and sometimes yourself. (Note: Even if you think it’s only something others do, some self reflection is often the best approach to developing a good etiquette, as you may well fall into some bad habits.)
Though humor pervades the book, there is some really solid, sober advice here. A section at the end about call out culture is particularly worth consideration, and in fact, the last chapter on the “art of community” has concise advice about topics like how to identify Fake News and trolls, and how to distinguish bad behavior from honest interaction errors, and when it’s best to let things slide or simply walk away.
While not a perfect book (some of the suggestions didn't take some situations and professions into account, for example), it was a short fun read. You may get this book for the humor, and/or perhaps to get acquainted with how to use tools your kids, or parents use. You are also likely to end up thinking about how you interact with people via your devices, and whether you agree with all of Victoria Turks’ rules of etiquette or not, thinking about it is the first step to better interactions.
February 28, 2020
Quick read with a light touch and useful framework for digital interactions. I mostly skipped the romance section, though I saw as I flipped past that some emoji have double meanings I would like to avoid. Yikes.
Turk's tone tends to the sarcastic, which left me feeling a bit down about humanity as I binge-read her book. I have committed a few of the errors she described, as is true of every etiquette book every where (or why would I read them - I'm not perfect). But she doesn't shame, she just informs and teases a bit.
She's British and I think quite a bit younger than me, so her digital peers are different than mine. I think readers can to take this book with a dose of perspective. If all your friends still like talking on the phone, it's OK. Go ahead and talk on the phone. But know that many people don't like to. She does touch on generational differences, but mostly this book shares the rules of her generation. And honestly, they are the ones setting the rules for digital stuff, so that's a good and appropriate thing.
My teens have enjoyed scanning some of this book as well. They thought what they read of it was funny and true, and helpful as they face a world in which they'll have to use e-mail rather than just texting.
Turk's tone tends to the sarcastic, which left me feeling a bit down about humanity as I binge-read her book. I have committed a few of the errors she described, as is true of every etiquette book every where (or why would I read them - I'm not perfect). But she doesn't shame, she just informs and teases a bit.
She's British and I think quite a bit younger than me, so her digital peers are different than mine. I think readers can to take this book with a dose of perspective. If all your friends still like talking on the phone, it's OK. Go ahead and talk on the phone. But know that many people don't like to. She does touch on generational differences, but mostly this book shares the rules of her generation. And honestly, they are the ones setting the rules for digital stuff, so that's a good and appropriate thing.
My teens have enjoyed scanning some of this book as well. They thought what they read of it was funny and true, and helpful as they face a world in which they'll have to use e-mail rather than just texting.
April 24, 2025
I'd love to see this as one of those things where a "journal" is actually a carrier for five little individual softcover journals - so each of the sections is basically a very professional zine or very tiny book or whatever, so that you can find ways to politely give them to people in your life who need each of them. This was an interesting perspective on concepts like "how do different sites/apps have different context and communication styles" but really, I think its best purpose would be "gift for [new grad / coworker who uses Gen X/Boomer punctuation in IMs and scares their Millenial friends and colleagues / young man starting to use online dating] in your life". The problem is, you go from the etiquette guide for the workplace right into how to use dating apps in this book as it's bound, and that's a little weirder gift.
September 15, 2025
Picked this up randomly while working a 9-5 at the library since it was short. Some of the beginning chapters about email/workplace etiquette do contain some solid advice, especially for older folks or people unfamiliar w workplace communication. As with anything regarding internet culture, this probably became out of date days after it hit store shelves, but considering this was published in 2020 and the author was using advice animals as some of her main examples of memes, I don't think she had a very up-to-date idea of internet culture to begin with. Deepfakes/AI are also added only as an afterthought to Photoshopped misinfo...what a time. Could definitely do with a revision. Also, defending the woman that tweeted that AIDS "joke?" Yeah, it was just a "joke"—a *racist* one. Not a great example of someone who has been "unjustly cancelled."
June 15, 2021
I'm not sure what I was expecting with this book but it was disappointing anyway. There were some good tips about workplace email etiquette but the rest was unhelpful stereotyping and nitpicky comments about how people use emojis and punctuation in DMs (who cares?? if you're so bothered about a misplaced emoji, go outside). It's almost comical that this came out as recently as last year because the internet moves so fast and has so many microniches that her complaints about social media are almost obsolete at this point. This seems like a handbook for boomers that have never used a smartphone.
January 2, 2021
Although I found quite a bit of helpful information in this book - especially the first chapter, about work emails - by the end I was holding my nose and stubbornly determined to finish it. I had chosen this book based on a perfectly lovely interview with the author on NPR. Perhaps she is a lovely person, but this book was filled with patronizing cynicism that got very old very fast. Not much balance or fairness here. It was witty but rude and ultimately very uncomfortable to read. I’m glad it’s over.
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