Why Did No One Tell Me This?: The Doulas' (Honest) Guide for Expectant Parents

by Natalia Hailes, Ash Spivak, Louise Reimer (Illustrator)

Full of honest advice and inclusive options, Why Did No One Tell Me This? is the funny, personality-filled, illustrated guide to pregnancy, birth, and beyond that modern parents have been waiting for.Pregnancy and childbirth are full of big questions -- what if my baby is enormous? Will my water break naturally? What even goes into a 'birth plan'? How on earth am I going to keep this child alive once it's here? And where do I turn for advice that will really work for me and my life? In Why Did No One Tell Me This? doulas and reproductive health experts Natalia Hailes and Ash Spivak answer these questions and more for today's wellness-focused, intersectional parents-to-be. Drawing on years of experience in their birth doula practice Brilliant Bodies, Natalia and Ash guide readers through the entire process, from the earliest stages of pregnancy to the jungle of postpartum feelings and responsibilities. Bite-sized pieces of advice are interspersed with vibrant illustrations by artist Louise Reimer to break down the doubts and fears that often surround childbirth, empowering readers to explore their own individual needs, know their rights, and find their voice both during and after pregnancy. By addressing common fears, incorporating regular tips for partners, and providing information on a wide array of birth and parents styles, this unique and inclusive guide is the perfect tool for a new generation of parents.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Childrens, How To, Health, Family

250 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 7, 2020

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so informational! It guides you through pregnancy, post labor, and what to expect when you have your baby. Everything you need to know is mentioned here especially as a first time parent this is very useful.

[DAAGYY · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 ⭐️ Bardzo słaba pozycja. Mało konkretów i treści, szczególnie o połogu, a dużo coachingu typu „Dasz radę”, „wsłuchaj się w swoje ciało”.
Amerykański bełkot dla amerykańskich odbiorców.

[Celise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this alongside my doula training program. Very easy to absorb information that doesn't overwhelm. The medical parts are not overly tedious, and I could see this being reassuring to new expecting parents. If any parts are not in-depth enough, it will at least act as a guide or starting point for further research.

Very inclusive language, though not consistent (flip-flops between "birthing person" and "woman"). My one complaint would be the jokey tone. It's a little corny/dated with all of the hashtags, though it was only published a couple of years ago.

[Yael · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is freaking amazing. I just finished it and I already want to read it again. So much helpful, practical information that I know I'm going to need. Highly recommend to anyone who's pregnant or supporting someone who is!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t learn nearly as much from this as I did from the Emily Oster book which is probably because:
1) this book is less informative
2) I read this on the kindle app instead of a paper copy
3) there is a lot more about birth and postpartum than there is about pregnancy
I should probably read this again in a few months but also the best option seems to be having a doula who will just know all this stuff and help you.

Two things I did not like: 1) there was a lot of distrust-your-provider energy which I do not appreciate because my provider is my friend and amazing; 2) parts of this book made my heart race because there are so many queasy, terrifying events along this path.

[Maya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a decent book and I feel like I got out of it what I wanted - a vent for my own insecurities about birth and more information about the play by play on birth and postpartum. Those aspects of it I felt were very informative.

I do like how inclusive this book is, I think that is important. There were a couple of inclusive terms that grated on me though. I don't like how it refers to childbearing people as "birthers" which feels extremely dehumanizing. I also am not a big fan of the term "chest-feeding" as I feel it needlessly genders the term breast when in fact humans of all sexes have breasts/breast tissue regardless of whether they're capable of producing milk. And it's not like it's called "chest cancer" when men get breast cancer (both cis and trans). Idk that really bothers me. I also find it inelegant when you have to constantly refer to "this/that" in text, but that's a more general pet peeve haha.

I also felt like this book is extremely woo at times and didn't much care for that aspect of it. I felt like a good portion of the beginning of the book was useless to me for that reason. I'm sure that's helpful for some people though.

Obviously this book is biased more toward doulas and midwives than OBs, but that is to be expected.

[Shelbi Pekas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative, non-judgmental, enjoyable read! I bought this to learn a bit more about the birthing process so that I can add some tools and knowledge to my doula toolset and it did not disappoint. The vernacular is inclusive, so I think this book could apply to a wider group of people although I will say the millennial talk was a little tedious to get through in the beginning (but it was kind of comforting as I read on, like I was talking to a friend about birth instead of reading a research study).

The illustrations were also simple, pretty, and informative - the cover art is actually the first thing I noticed, so I was pleased to see the illustrations carry throughout out in the rest of the book. I think this book would be great for first time birthers, new doulas, and birthing partners.

[C.B. Daring · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

It's just not for me, the tone is overly cheerful and reads more like a social media post, which is fine, just not particularly useful for me as a first time pregnant person. Appreciate that they are gender inclusive in their language, but the tone feels distinctly cis in it's "YOU GO! WOOHOO!" attitude to pregnancy.

I also felt like the opening chapter was heavily implying that if I'm not having a lot of emotions regarding being pregnant, I'm not it's pretty ok, that I must have a "block" or be suppressing something deeper. I just go to a lot of therapy, and have for many many years.

[Kaileigh]

Pregnancy books. I'm glad I'm not trying to read these anymore. "You will be fine as long as you achieve a perfect state of mindfulness, stay flexible yet always defend yourself fiercely, understand exactly what you want to happen and accept that you have no control." It's true, and yet. As it turns out, being pregnant and giving birth was the easy part. I didn't read any books about babies (seemed mildly cursed to take for granted I would get there) and now I don't have time to do so. Oh well.

[Caitlin Ford · Rating 4 out of 5]

okay I changed my mind I don’t want to give birth

[Angela Tikoft · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stiililt, sõnavalikult ja ülesehituselt väga minu tassike teed! Teeb olulise puust ja punaselt selgeks, säilitades ka huumori ja luues beebiootajas rahu ning hea tuju.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first review of the slew of parenting books I've picked up and a gift from Alyssa, no less. I really liked the low key format of this book: the authors made their values clear with lots of inclusive language and chose to place equal weight on emotions and medical information. It's a different approach from the thorough and detail-oriented What To Expect series, which aims to arm you with as much information as possible about each pregnancy/birthing scenario ever. Not a bad thing by any means, but after a while the theme boils down to, your body will have its own experience and your baby will be its own baby, and there is no way to know what will or won't apply to you. Not that helpful for this anticipation period that I'm currently in.

This book tries to avoid that and strives to get down to the basics of the entire experience, from pregnancy to birth to postpartum, without overwhelming with information. The authors lay out coaching tools for dealing with emotions (specifically fears), use lots of visuals and jokes to explain what the body goes through, and then spend the rest of the book addressing common fears or anxieties in a prenatal "what if...?" section and a postpartum one too. That made the book very digestible and I felt I could take it slow without elevating my own anxiety. I would definitely recommend this to someone like me, who is desperate for information, but also could use some support and reassurance in the form of a book.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

As I am not pregnant for the first time, most of the information laid out in this book was not new. However, I am ready to admit that for a first time mom, this book may end uo being a well of useful information. For me, it was nice to be reminded of some things, but I actually expected more information, more tips and stuff like that about pregnancy and giving birth as well. Last time I went in practically blind, second time round would like to be a bit better prepared.

[Łucja · Rating 3 out of 5]

Książka z amerykańskiego rynku i to widać. Dosyć dużo ichnije specyfiki. Pierwszy rozdział był dla mnie niestrawialny, osobiście irytuje mnie też pisanie Ciało Głowa Intuicja z dużych liter i odnoszenie się do nich jak do osobnych istot (w innych książkach też pojawiał się ten motyw ale nie w takim nasileniu). Całkiem fajny był rozdział 3 i 4, gdzie byly odpowiedzi na pewne obawy, natomiast nie zawsze one wydawały się pełne plus często były zatopione w realniach amerykańskich.

[Rylie Banning · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.4/5 if a doula wasn’t so expensive in California I’d get one in a heartbeat. Another great book about letting go and letting your body do what it knows how to do and accepting intervention when it doesn’t. This one provided a lot of opinion free information on the whole natal period which was great bc seriously how the tf do I work a breastpump?

[Lynsey Miron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful, approachable, intentional, & inclusive. Great resource.

[Rachel Wrubel · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amazing resource that is inclusive of all bodies. I just dropped it a star because of editing problems. I hope they release a new addition.

[Lesli Zorn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really good book for a first time mom. It’s easy to read, down to earth and honestly quite funny.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

very helpful. I actually bought my own copy. I found the illustrations and casual tone helped ease you into the subject and be less stressed.

[Rachel Feldman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read. Couldn't give it 5 stars because one of the earlier chapters was overloaded with cutesy parenthetical hashtags and it was very annoying.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this quickly, but really appreciated the clarity, the openness/flexibility, the tone, and the accessibility.

[Karina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pierwszy rozdział jakby z innej książki (super duper słodkiej pop-psychologii).
Pisana bardzo po amerykańsku. Mogłaby się równie dobrze zmieścić w poście na blogu z pigułką wiedzy zawartą pod koniec

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by two doulas speaking from their collective years of experience. Clear, down to earth and very positive language. The book addresses the real nitty gritty of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, but with the constant reminder that you can do it, your body is made to do this and that’s pretty incredible.

A main takeaway is that induction is not an immediate emergency action; it’s preventative. It’s not the same as an emergency C-section. If this happens you have time to think and ask questions before jumping in.

I didn’t care for the inclusive language that was used, e.g. breast/chest feeding. The breasts develop milk glands and produce milk, not the general area of the chest. This book was deeply rooted in facts and the factual, anatomically correct word is breast.

[Ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical advice on preparing for labor, managing postpartum issues and navigating breastfeeding. Also helpful section on addressing common anxieties

[Queralt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good and straight forward advice for first time mums. Very US focused though, which was not my case. So, you have to take into account that, especially the part related to hospital support

[Abby Bennett · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 60%. Unfortunately, I felt this book did not provide what I needed. It isn’t for everyone. The language used in this book, in my opinion, is the tone I quite literally can’t stand and is commonplace among pregnancy education. I found it distracting and finally I realized I needed to put this down and move on to a new book.

The advice here is helpful for some, but the language the author uses throughout is not for everyone.

[Anniek · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading And Now We Have Everything On Motherhood Before I Was Ready| by Meaghan O'Connell, this book was a breath of fresh air. It focuses on not giving a shit what other people say you should/shouldn't do during/after pregnancy and instead just doing what feels good to you in the moment. Lots of practical tips and info without overwhelming the reader. I will go back to this if or when I am pregnant myself.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh man. Would not recommend. There are way better pregnancy books out there. I understand what they were trying to do here, but it was way too over the top “millennial girl boss” “you go queen” energy. The amount of hashtags and “aka” used should be a crime. This book was just too much and not in a good way.

Had to edit this in here: the “nickname” for epidural?! Epi?! I simply cannot begin to understand how this passed editing approval

[Hope Gunther · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been a midwife for 24 years and I LOVED this book. Added it to my list of recommended books for my clients. Way to go, my Doula Sisters!

[Baba od polskiego · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pierwsza książka na temat porodu, po którą sięgnęłam zaraz po zrobieniu testu to “Dlaczego nikt mi o tym nie powiedział? Szczery doulowy przewodnik dla przyszłych rodziców” Natalii Hailes i Ash Spivak wydany przez @wydawnictwo.mamania. Nie ukrywam, że byłam w tej dziedzinie zielona, więc po raz pierwszy dowiedziałam się, kim jest doula.
To inkluzywna, nowoczesna pozycja z modnymi, pełnymi luzu grafikami, dużą liczbą tekstu, graficznie wyodrębnionymi radami, które warto zapamiętać. Do tego autorki piszą tak, jakby były naszymi przyjaciółkami, które znają się na rzeczy i potrafią wspierać, kierują swoje słowa do wszystkich — bez względu na płeć czy seksualność.
Pierwsze, co jednak mnie przeszkadzało mi w tym poradniku to liczba ćwiczeń, którymi jesteśmy zarzucani już od pierwszych stron — to z powodu mojej awersji do poradnikowych form.
Fascynuje za to obszernie przygotowana część z omówieniem różnorodnych badań, historii porodowych, spisy faktów i ciekawostek — to mnie uspokoiło i sprawiło, że jednak byłam gotowa zaufać w to, co mówią autorki, oby tylko nie kazały mi wyjmować kartek i spisywać na nich swoich myśli, albo robić map z wizją porodu.
Plusem jest zaś to, że książka uwzględnia planowanie porodu wraz z budowaniem grupy marzeń także dla osób LGBTQ+ - to na razie jedyna ze wszystkich dostępnych na rynku wydawniczym, które widziałam, by poruszały ten temat. Omówiono w niej wiele przeszkód i wątpliwości o to, czy nie będąc rodzicem biologicznym, można zrozumieć potrzeby dziecka, jak reagować na pytania, radzić sobie z lękiem przed homofobią personelu medycznego. Dowiadujemy się też, że gruczoły mleczne czy wygibasy naszej macicy były już wcześniej w akcji, co bawi i uspokaja, pokazano też supermoce, które zyskujemy w ciąży.
Wróciłam do tej książki pod koniec ciąży, gdy miałam wiele obaw, że moja jest już przenoszona, miałam urodzić niemal miesiąc wcześniej — to dzięki Natalii i Ash zyskałam spokój i dokładne omówienie przypadku takiego jak mój. Autorki opisały każdą z możliwych form porodowych i to bez ich wartościowania, bo ich dewizą jest sformułowanie, że gdy rodzi się twoje dziecko, to jest to twoja impreza i ty tu rządzisz.

#bababook #szczerydoulowy