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Fucking Good Manners
From the author of the riotous, controversial and hugely popular Fucking Apostrophes
Manners are a minefield. Remembering which behaviours are appropriate for which situation (who it is okay to swear in front of, and for who that is a definite no), can leave even the most laid back exasperated.
Enter Simon Griffin, and his no-nonsense guide to getting it fucking right.
Whether you’re at work, on an airplane, out for dinner or on your phone, learn right from wrong in this furiously hilarious gift book. Fucking Good Manners is the perfect stocking-filler for a manners enthusiast, those who could do with a few polite behavioural tips, or anyone who just loves anything a bit sweary. This is the essential guide to fucking good manners.
Manners are a minefield. Remembering which behaviours are appropriate for which situation (who it is okay to swear in front of, and for who that is a definite no), can leave even the most laid back exasperated.
Enter Simon Griffin, and his no-nonsense guide to getting it fucking right.
Whether you’re at work, on an airplane, out for dinner or on your phone, learn right from wrong in this furiously hilarious gift book. Fucking Good Manners is the perfect stocking-filler for a manners enthusiast, those who could do with a few polite behavioural tips, or anyone who just loves anything a bit sweary. This is the essential guide to fucking good manners.
197 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2019
33 people are currently reading
305 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
April 9, 2020
The whole book boils down to just two 'commandments':
1. Treat others as you want to be treated yourself.
2. In company, turn your fucking phone off.
The rest of the book is just detail, explication of the above. Plus the Lecture (see below).
_________________
Notes on reading: If the author would have stuck to his agenda discussing good manners I would have totally enjoyed it. As it is I'm getting fed up with his second agenda of saving the planet and being preached at. It's not bad enough to dnf, but it's annoying. If I want to read a book on global warming and recycling, I wouldn't have chosen a book called "Fucking Good Manners".
I have major issues with people blinded by governments and the media into thinking that people can actually make a real difference when 98% of unrecycled waste etc is from industry, restaurants and retail. So before an author gets on preaching "go without travelling away for a month if you are going to get a plane" and "cut down on your meat-eating" tell me what he's doing personally to influence industry as well as individuals into thinking of the planet.
So what might have been a 4 star humour book with some good shit to say is making me wonder if all this ecological stuff is to bulk out a thin book, or if Griffin thinks he wouldn't be able to sell that kind of book, so he's just slipping it in? Whichever, I'm irritated.
1. Treat others as you want to be treated yourself.
2. In company, turn your fucking phone off.
The rest of the book is just detail, explication of the above. Plus the Lecture (see below).
_________________
Notes on reading: If the author would have stuck to his agenda discussing good manners I would have totally enjoyed it. As it is I'm getting fed up with his second agenda of saving the planet and being preached at. It's not bad enough to dnf, but it's annoying. If I want to read a book on global warming and recycling, I wouldn't have chosen a book called "Fucking Good Manners".
I have major issues with people blinded by governments and the media into thinking that people can actually make a real difference when 98% of unrecycled waste etc is from industry, restaurants and retail. So before an author gets on preaching "go without travelling away for a month if you are going to get a plane" and "cut down on your meat-eating" tell me what he's doing personally to influence industry as well as individuals into thinking of the planet.
So what might have been a 4 star humour book with some good shit to say is making me wonder if all this ecological stuff is to bulk out a thin book, or if Griffin thinks he wouldn't be able to sell that kind of book, so he's just slipping it in? Whichever, I'm irritated.
January 1, 2020
After the demonstrably successful
Fucking Apostrophes
in 2016, Simon Griffin is back with Fucking Good Manners. December is the perfect time of year for a laugh. Everyone is busy, it's hot and hectic and there's quite a bit of argy bargy when it comes to Christmas shopping and being considerate of others. Griffin acknowledges that we can ALL do better when it comes to our manners and sets out to demonstrate.
Chapter headings like public transport, driving, public toilets, queuing, the workplace and social media give the reader an accurate picture of what will follow.
Griffin quickly identifies many of our pet hates when it comes to dealing with others (family, friends, workmates and strangers) and in doing so, inspires us to do better. The author uses his sense of humour to shed light on every day issues and just like Fucking Apostrophes , he frequently makes me laugh in doing so.
In fact, I was reading this book in a hospital waiting room and cracked up when I got to this part:
"The business world is full of ugly acronyms, obscure abbreviations and bullshitty jargon, generally designed to make people feel more intelligent than they are. It started with thinking outside the box, putting ducks in rows and hitting the ground running, but each workplace has its own unique set of bullshit buzzwords. Forget about running things up the flagpole and touching base and getting the ball rolling and peeling back the fucking onion. Stop wasting people's time with this gibberish and start using some plain fucking English." Pages 135 & 136
It was the classic cliche of laughing while reading in a public space, but this really did happen! A few old people were sitting across from me and were glowering but too bad, their loss.
However, the best part of the book came at the end while reading the Acknowledgements when I recognised my name mentioned in the thanks section. This immediately elevated this to a 5 star reading experience, but I need to stay true to the rating I'd already settled on in my mind before I lost my shit seeing my name printed in another book.
Fucking Good Manners by Simon Griffin is a funny book with instant appeal for readers of all ages. It does contain the 'f' word on every page though, so use your discretion. Highly recommended.
* Copy courtesy of Allen & Unwin *
Chapter headings like public transport, driving, public toilets, queuing, the workplace and social media give the reader an accurate picture of what will follow.
Griffin quickly identifies many of our pet hates when it comes to dealing with others (family, friends, workmates and strangers) and in doing so, inspires us to do better. The author uses his sense of humour to shed light on every day issues and just like Fucking Apostrophes , he frequently makes me laugh in doing so.
In fact, I was reading this book in a hospital waiting room and cracked up when I got to this part:
"The business world is full of ugly acronyms, obscure abbreviations and bullshitty jargon, generally designed to make people feel more intelligent than they are. It started with thinking outside the box, putting ducks in rows and hitting the ground running, but each workplace has its own unique set of bullshit buzzwords. Forget about running things up the flagpole and touching base and getting the ball rolling and peeling back the fucking onion. Stop wasting people's time with this gibberish and start using some plain fucking English." Pages 135 & 136
It was the classic cliche of laughing while reading in a public space, but this really did happen! A few old people were sitting across from me and were glowering but too bad, their loss.
However, the best part of the book came at the end while reading the Acknowledgements when I recognised my name mentioned in the thanks section. This immediately elevated this to a 5 star reading experience, but I need to stay true to the rating I'd already settled on in my mind before I lost my shit seeing my name printed in another book.
Fucking Good Manners by Simon Griffin is a funny book with instant appeal for readers of all ages. It does contain the 'f' word on every page though, so use your discretion. Highly recommended.
* Copy courtesy of Allen & Unwin *
February 2, 2023
I mean, you know I love a good fucking title. So I had to pick this up.
Much of it was pretty common sense for anyone not raised by wolves, but it seems that common sense is in short supply these days, so it makes sense that this book exists. There were quite a few chuckle-worthy quips which made it enjoyable, but it was quite repetitive and repeaty.
For the most part, the whole thing can be summed up in two bullet points:
- Remember that other people exist in and use the world, too.
- Put your fucking phone away.
...She says, as she writes this review on her phone.
Much of it was pretty common sense for anyone not raised by wolves, but it seems that common sense is in short supply these days, so it makes sense that this book exists. There were quite a few chuckle-worthy quips which made it enjoyable, but it was quite repetitive and repeaty.
For the most part, the whole thing can be summed up in two bullet points:
- Remember that other people exist in and use the world, too.
- Put your fucking phone away.
...She says, as she writes this review on her phone.
January 1, 2022
I listened to this for free on Audible. I'm glad I didn't pay for it as while it kept me amused during my drives to see family and friends over Christmas it didn't enrich my life. It felt more like an itch the author had to scratch to get his not-so-unique thoughts out there with some swearing to add personality.
September 18, 2020
Just a reminder of the painfully fucking simple, blindingly bloody obvious, head-against-the-wall-ingly basic common sense that we all need to abide by. One of the most entertaining reads i've had in a while, where i've literally stopped to laugh out loud every now and then. Reads like a grumpy drunk uncle reminding us how to be fucking polite and mindful of other fucking people.
May 10, 2020
This book is dedicated for you if you enjoy listening to Denis Leary's song "I am an asshole". Well, if you have never heard of the song, that's absolutely fine, but here is the YouTube link for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrgpZ...
If it made you laugh by reminding you of somebody you know, once knew, or that somebody you know mentioned about such a person to you; Or even, if it remotely pissed you off because you are just another self righteous prick; Or, if you somehow just related to the song, but, are still in denial about your values, then my friend, Fucking Good Manners is for you! Be proud of it: a book has been written just for you, better fucking read it!
I love books that confirm the unspoken societal values with a satirical tone, especially the ones which overemphasize on the word 'fucking', for the simple reason that, behaviourally we have all been overdosed with the dis-proportionate large supplies of motivational books, sanctimonious scriptures or the bombing of positive quotes everywhere that we go.
I firmly believe that we are in a way a little sardonic, some people have it more and some less, but in a certain way, our brains accept a little dark humour or sarcasm here and there better than anything else. It also falls under the negative influential remarks that make us grow, I guess. We are wired to learn from mistakes in general, ours or that of others. For instance, we all know deep down what we like and what we don't like; hence, manners that we inculcate and preserve, work along very similar lines.
I would categorize this book under the Contemporary Book of Values and this may be the RIGHT TIME TO READ IT because the global lockdown will soon be released; and please, it is the time maybe to just remind ourselves of our manners or how we can all be a little considerate towards others. It eventually falls under 'respect'. Manners do not stop at just saying the magic words. It is a whole behavioural process. Yet..
If people were as respectful as they were supposed to be by respecting social distancing properly, by washing their hands and not touching their faces, or by just staying at home when they were really sick to the infectious stage, or by refraining to cough in public or simply by covering their mouths, Good God, we could have avoided half the Corona Virus Madness indeed.
Just fucking learn to take responsibility.
As the author puts it, unfortunately manners are not imposed under any legal system per se; so it is up to the person's choice to inculcate them or not. Fucking Good Manners is your humorous reminder that it costs you not a singly penny be pleasant, polite, or kind. But probably it costs you just a penny to fucking think about it.
Mind you, the book as well coarsely reminds you that having a potty mouth is not as admirable! So, we might as well mind our fucking language! We do not need to passively remain a yes-man to everything, but we all earn more respect by owning up to our actions, reactions and leave our legacy in the most delicate possible way.
I have loved the dimensions explored in this book, especially when the author highlighted that manners are not restricted to how we interact with others in public spaces, but, also, how we interact with nature, as in the environment and thus, the planet. Come on, we have all at least once climbed a mountain or a peak, and found traces of garbage up there, and wondered "the fuck how did these people come up all the way to leave their trash here?!".
Oh well, this book will not change your life unless, you know, you have pondered about what you may have been doing wrong and decided to fucking own up to it by changing it. We all have that very one fucking chance. Just fucking take it, thank you very fucking much.
If it made you laugh by reminding you of somebody you know, once knew, or that somebody you know mentioned about such a person to you; Or even, if it remotely pissed you off because you are just another self righteous prick; Or, if you somehow just related to the song, but, are still in denial about your values, then my friend, Fucking Good Manners is for you! Be proud of it: a book has been written just for you, better fucking read it!
I love books that confirm the unspoken societal values with a satirical tone, especially the ones which overemphasize on the word 'fucking', for the simple reason that, behaviourally we have all been overdosed with the dis-proportionate large supplies of motivational books, sanctimonious scriptures or the bombing of positive quotes everywhere that we go.
I firmly believe that we are in a way a little sardonic, some people have it more and some less, but in a certain way, our brains accept a little dark humour or sarcasm here and there better than anything else. It also falls under the negative influential remarks that make us grow, I guess. We are wired to learn from mistakes in general, ours or that of others. For instance, we all know deep down what we like and what we don't like; hence, manners that we inculcate and preserve, work along very similar lines.
I would categorize this book under the Contemporary Book of Values and this may be the RIGHT TIME TO READ IT because the global lockdown will soon be released; and please, it is the time maybe to just remind ourselves of our manners or how we can all be a little considerate towards others. It eventually falls under 'respect'. Manners do not stop at just saying the magic words. It is a whole behavioural process. Yet..
If people were as respectful as they were supposed to be by respecting social distancing properly, by washing their hands and not touching their faces, or by just staying at home when they were really sick to the infectious stage, or by refraining to cough in public or simply by covering their mouths, Good God, we could have avoided half the Corona Virus Madness indeed.
Just fucking learn to take responsibility.
As the author puts it, unfortunately manners are not imposed under any legal system per se; so it is up to the person's choice to inculcate them or not. Fucking Good Manners is your humorous reminder that it costs you not a singly penny be pleasant, polite, or kind. But probably it costs you just a penny to fucking think about it.
Mind you, the book as well coarsely reminds you that having a potty mouth is not as admirable! So, we might as well mind our fucking language! We do not need to passively remain a yes-man to everything, but we all earn more respect by owning up to our actions, reactions and leave our legacy in the most delicate possible way.
I have loved the dimensions explored in this book, especially when the author highlighted that manners are not restricted to how we interact with others in public spaces, but, also, how we interact with nature, as in the environment and thus, the planet. Come on, we have all at least once climbed a mountain or a peak, and found traces of garbage up there, and wondered "the fuck how did these people come up all the way to leave their trash here?!".
Oh well, this book will not change your life unless, you know, you have pondered about what you may have been doing wrong and decided to fucking own up to it by changing it. We all have that very one fucking chance. Just fucking take it, thank you very fucking much.
May 18, 2022
F***ing Good Manners was funny and cute. It was a little manual of basic manners, ones you could observe everyday via interactions or reactions to 'bad manners'. They do disclose this at the very beginning, so that is not a criticism. There were some manners that I wasn't quite sure about due to lack of example or explanation and this cleared them up. Viewing it from that POV, I enjoyed it focusing on the humorous nature the author presents manners from, punctuated by a colourful arsenal of curse words. My favourite pieces of humorous advice:
On basic manners: "It's not a perfect system - as with any ideology there will always be some arsehat who takes advantage of it and feels they can do what the f*** they like. [...] This is something we have to take on the chin and accept as a part of life. They may even make it to the top one day [...] and as human beings we'll naturally do our best to fake sympathy when the giant c*ntosaurous comes crashing back down to earth."
On PDA: "Winking is also fine. (That's with an i, not an a.)"
On reasons for road rage: "[...] and perhaps a deep, subconscious insecurity that stems from their feeling unloved by their father."
The entire chapter on Queuing. Gold. One specific quote: "International cricket had been cancelled during the war, so we had to make something up that we were good at." [referring to the British]
On basic manners: "It's not a perfect system - as with any ideology there will always be some arsehat who takes advantage of it and feels they can do what the f*** they like. [...] This is something we have to take on the chin and accept as a part of life. They may even make it to the top one day [...] and as human beings we'll naturally do our best to fake sympathy when the giant c*ntosaurous comes crashing back down to earth."
On PDA: "Winking is also fine. (That's with an i, not an a.)"
On reasons for road rage: "[...] and perhaps a deep, subconscious insecurity that stems from their feeling unloved by their father."
The entire chapter on Queuing. Gold. One specific quote: "International cricket had been cancelled during the war, so we had to make something up that we were good at." [referring to the British]
August 22, 2020
I think we’ve all found ourselves in situations where we’re not sure quite what the ‘right’ thing to do is. And those classical etiquette books were written well before the world wide web dominated our lives. This book has been written to help us overcome our tendency to become pompous twats in how we relate to others. You could sum the entire tome up as ‘think about others and how they might feel about what you are doing’. But while reading the book, I cringed as I recognised all the tines where I mistakenly thought I was doing the ‘right’ thing.
The text is humorously written, and you might find yourself described in these pages as I often did. It covers emails and social media, so it’s up to date. The F-word is distracting; perhaps the author, being a copywriter by trade, wanted to attract the younger reader, or someone who already uses that word, a lot.
Well worth reading; for the humour, and also because I hope you will have read the book already if we both find ourselves in a challenging traffic situation or queue.
The text is humorously written, and you might find yourself described in these pages as I often did. It covers emails and social media, so it’s up to date. The F-word is distracting; perhaps the author, being a copywriter by trade, wanted to attract the younger reader, or someone who already uses that word, a lot.
Well worth reading; for the humour, and also because I hope you will have read the book already if we both find ourselves in a challenging traffic situation or queue.
January 15, 2021
Look, I like to fucking swear. And I don't care what you think about it. But FUCKING GOOD MANNERS is just one book-length, repetitive joke that eventually becomes a bit tiresome. Besides, most of it is general every day common sense, unless you are some sort of monster. Or Donald Trump.
Whereas all the bad language is very funny (and appeals to the ten year old in me), if you take all the fucking bad words out, what you essentially have is just a fucking book about fucking manners. And how many are there of them out there? Because that's all it is, with a sporadic and plentiful use of the word FUCK, as an adjective throughout the text. Nothing really more to this than that.
Maybe that's the next project, FUCKING ADJECTIVES. Oh wait, they already did it here.
Whereas all the bad language is very funny (and appeals to the ten year old in me), if you take all the fucking bad words out, what you essentially have is just a fucking book about fucking manners. And how many are there of them out there? Because that's all it is, with a sporadic and plentiful use of the word FUCK, as an adjective throughout the text. Nothing really more to this than that.
Maybe that's the next project, FUCKING ADJECTIVES. Oh wait, they already did it here.
September 14, 2020
Admittedly I bought this book because of the F title. I was intrigued and, as it was not the size of War and Peace I deduced that it would be an easy readable book containing acceptable naughty humour. Correct.
So much of what Simon covers about good manners one would think should be common sense - though clearly isn’t; for too many people prefer bad manners over good. There are many good anecdotes and quotes throughout the book and suffice to say I’ll choose this quote for my parting words “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind”
P.S. Was it fucking bad manners to refer to you by your first name when I’ve never met you? My apologies Mr Griffin.
So much of what Simon covers about good manners one would think should be common sense - though clearly isn’t; for too many people prefer bad manners over good. There are many good anecdotes and quotes throughout the book and suffice to say I’ll choose this quote for my parting words “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind”
P.S. Was it fucking bad manners to refer to you by your first name when I’ve never met you? My apologies Mr Griffin.
May 27, 2022
The author’s conclusion very well summarized what I felt about this book:
“I've been well aware when writing this book that a large proportion of the people who will read it will probably have a decent grasp of the subject already. And perhaps the people who need it the most won't read past the first page.”
AND
“This is so blatantly obvious that I feel slightly stupid having to even write the words down.”
That’s just about it. Good and quick read.
“Once we step outside our front door to go about our daily chores, we need to be aware that we're entering a shared space that's for all of us to use.”
“I've been well aware when writing this book that a large proportion of the people who will read it will probably have a decent grasp of the subject already. And perhaps the people who need it the most won't read past the first page.”
AND
“This is so blatantly obvious that I feel slightly stupid having to even write the words down.”
That’s just about it. Good and quick read.
“Once we step outside our front door to go about our daily chores, we need to be aware that we're entering a shared space that's for all of us to use.”
December 10, 2019
Are you gonna leave a book with a title like that just sitting on the library shelf?
I didn't think so.
Simon Griffin offers up some etiquette tips, a healthy serving of humor, and some clear thinking on the current state of the world.
It's a quick read, and you won't regret picking it up...as long as you can figure out that the language inside is just like the language on the outside.
Personally, I gotta love a book that swears almost as much as I do.
I didn't think so.
Simon Griffin offers up some etiquette tips, a healthy serving of humor, and some clear thinking on the current state of the world.
It's a quick read, and you won't regret picking it up...as long as you can figure out that the language inside is just like the language on the outside.
Personally, I gotta love a book that swears almost as much as I do.
August 14, 2021
El libro que necesitaba para al fin civilizarme. Muy agradable y facil de leer, hasta el punto en que se puede empezar y terminar en una sola tarde (es cortito). Mi recomendación es sin embargo cogerlo en pequeñas dosis, ya que abunda la ironía y podria llegar a ser un poco pesado. Además, gracias a lo cómico que resulta, es ideal para desocupar y relajar el cerebro.
PD: como regalo puede ser una excelente opción!
PD: como regalo puede ser una excelente opción!
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June 7, 2024I had some good glare on the guards today. They said they'd do anything to get back some good sleep and some laughter back to their lives. Well, they didn't say it to me. Not that I could do anything even if they said it to me. But I guess I can tell the difference between orchestrated conversations versus real ones through bookphones.
February 13, 2020
Brilliant. Had me laughing out loud at some points, and moderately giggling at all other times. Not only was this an excellent and funny read, I liked the core message of kindness and respect, and I have definitely taken on some advice. Can't wait for more.
June 10, 2020
I received this as a gift. The giver may have been trying to send a message. Anyway, the book is an okayish coffee table tome to dip into from time to time, but it comes across more as a printed blog (remember those?) than an actual book.
June 16, 2025
Think grumpy uncle at Christmas whinging about every f#&*ing thing.
Thank you for your collected words Simon Griffin, and Michael Page your narration was brilliant, very much appreciated Gentlemen :-)
Thank you for your collected words Simon Griffin, and Michael Page your narration was brilliant, very much appreciated Gentlemen :-)
November 27, 2019
A pretty good guide and - obviously - very sweary with all sorts of effing and jeffing
December 30, 2019
Read it on a plane journey. Easy read and mostly common sense but entertaining nonetheless
January 30, 2020
Nice and good to know
February 12, 2020
Yes, yes, yes! This should be required reading for everyone! Thank you!
May 14, 2020
Brilliant - funny but accurate too.
June 10, 2020
Some very valid points but a bit waffly in parts.
June 18, 2020
I think this small book improved my fucking manners exponentially.
January 13, 2021
I loved the sarcasm applied to this topic. Highly reccommend.
May 16, 2021
Insightful and often funny book about the use ,or lack of, good manners in modern society from public use to the internet. Worth a read.
May 22, 2021
"Put your fucking phone away" seemed to be the common theme. This book is the thoughts of people who use common sense and use manners. Not great, not terrible.
August 3, 2021
Very easy and fun to read. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants to read an entertaining and educational book.
December 8, 2021
A straightforward book about manners with the "hook" of using the word "fucking" periodically throughout. Essentially decent rules, although any adult should already know these.
January 6, 2022
Laugh out loud funny with dry wit-- also with down-to-earth advice we could all use.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews