We're All Not the Same, But We're Still Family: An Adoption and Birth Family Story

by Theresa Fraser, Eric E.W. Fraser

This story was written for adoptive families to explore the benefits of adoption openness. The main character, Deshaun, loves his family but always wondered about his biological family. Does he look like them? Did they love him? With the support of his adoptive parents, Deshaun gets to meet his biological family. They develop an ongoing relationship, so Deshaun feels more stable in his adoptive family, but also develops a comfortable relationship with his birth family. Deshaun and his family are reminded (as we all are) that family can include biological, adopted, foster and kin members. After reading this book, a child and their family will be able Discuss feelings about adoption Imagine what openness might mean for them Acknowledge similarities and differences among family members Discuss if an expanded sense of family is possible for their circumstances</ul> "There are many children's adoption books that address the important themes of identity, attachment, grief and loss; however, very few approach the topic of openness for older children in the in-depth manner that Theresa and Eric do in their book. The emotions that Deshaun describes are typical of many adopted children and could help normalize universal feelings for young adoptees. I would highly recommend this book for all adopted children and will certainly be using it in my practice." --Tecla Jenniskens, M.S.W., R.S.W., adoption social worker "Many foster and adoptive parents fear the consequences of introducing their children to birth parents. This story offers a redemptive look at how parents can remain history keepers for their children by helping them answer important questions about themselves and their origins. This book is a beautiful example of how fearless curiosity and compassion can lead to increased coherence in a child's story and an expanded sense of family for everyone." --Paris Goodyear-Brown, LCSW, RPT-S, clinical director of Nurture House, executive director of the TraumaPlay Institute and author of A Safe Circle for Little U and Trauma and Play Therapy "We're All Not the Same, but We're Still Family is a lovely book that tackles issues adopted children really think about when they question their identity and place within a family. The authors describe the process of a boy's search for his biological family, with the full support of his adoptive parents, and the events that brought him into the child welfare system. The illustrator's rendition of the Skyped meetings between the two families is captivating, while the text gives careful attention to the unification process. I applaud the authors on their inclusion of realistic steps in this complicated process, as we witness a child's journey to find and complete his family." --Laurie Zelinger, PhD, ABPP, RPT-S, board certified psychologist and author of Please Explain "Anxiety" to Me! From Loving Healing Press

28 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 8, 2019

Reviews

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Back when I was adopted it was not as easy to adopt a child--I was about 6 months old when my parents were finally approved and allowed to bring me home. I was told at a very young age that I was adopted but I had no problems with it. I was totally accepted by my entire family--and as I got a bit older I met others that were adopted. The only problem that I have encountered is that back then the records were sealed tight as a drum-they still are. It would have been nice to know the medical history of my birth family! But other then that--I have never had the inclination to meet them or to even know who they were.

These days it is a lot easier to find out facts and to possibly meet or at least find out about your birth family-I have a niece that did just that. Several of the friends that I knew actually were curious--but like I said--back then it was virtually impossible.

This short story about a boy who was adopted is heart warming. With the help of his adoptive parents he was able to connect with his birth family. There is a section at the end that gives advice on how to go about doing this for parents. It is extremely informative and in my opinion helpful.

I would like to note here that the book was written by the boy with the help of his Mom!

[Carly Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a young boys journey of finding out he is adopted, to searching for his biological father/family. The book is a beneficial read for both adults and children who are trying to understand the process, feelings and emotion as of the whole process of adoption.

A heartwarming story that is easily read in one sitting, but the message is poignant and certainly educated me. Books like this are important to have not only for reference but to help with an emotional journey. It contains tips for those who may wish to search for their biological relatives, and help people to empathise and understand what Deshaun feels and is going through.

I was given a copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion, and I really enjoyed the book. It was easy to read, thorough and a delightful story about an issue a lot of people struggle with.

[C.E. Hart · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s understandable how children who’ve been adopted may find it difficult to fully grasp a healthy identity. Especially if they know very little about the circumstances and reasons for their adoption. Of course, it helps if the adoptive family is loving and understanding, yet children (and adults) of adoption may still struggle.

This book provides a sweet story of Deshaun, a young boy with a desire to meet his birth father. Because of the openness of all involved, he finds answers and comfort, and senses the true meaning of ‘family.’

The story is short, but the meaning and sentiments stay with you long after you finish reading. Deshaun finds his happy ending, and family life is bigger and better than he’d dreamed.

I received a complimentary copy of this book through the Beck Valley Book Tours. I have volunteered to share my review and all the opinions are 100% my own.

[Sharon Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent story which depicts the story of Deshaun and how he has a lot of questions about being adopted. Why was he given up for adoption? Who are his real parents? How will he cope when he meets or locate his real parents?

With the support of his adopted parents Deshaun goes on a discovery to find his real dad and once they find him it tells the story of how the relationship is rebuilt, the fears Deshaun has and the positive reassurance he receives from his adopted parents.

The drawings and easy to read narrative explains what every adopted person will feel at some point in their life in searching for their true identity. The story ends on a high note with Deshaun not only finding his dad but also finds he has an extended family who readily accept him.

A well written book for a personal point of view which will help others understand adoption and the search to find out about their heritage.

[Cryssie Addis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so thankful I read this book. It opened my mind to another perspective on foster care and adoption. My husband and I want to adopt one day, so to be reminded of the hardship from both biological parents was amazing. When we hear about foster kids, you just think about a parent not able to care for them for whatever reason. Very seldom do you hear about a child blindly taken from one of the parents.

I'm glad this book was written to remind foster/adoptive parents to 1) be mindful of the child's need to know where they came from and WHO they are from a biological standpoint and 2) to be fair and open minded to the biological parent's side as well. This child character had a grandmother and siblings who loved him and wanted to be in his life.

This is a great book for the whole adopted family. It is well written and easy to ready. It is one that both the children and parents can get a wealth of knowledge and information from. Thank you for writing this. 

[Debbie Sherrer · Rating 5 out of 5]

We’re All Not the Same, But We’re Still Family: An Adoption and Birth Family Story addresses so many issues that children think about and feel when they learn that they are adopted. This book could be so much help to children and their families as they go through the emotions they will be faced with, as they seek out birth parents and their birth family members. There are steps and processes that families take and these processes are also addressed in this book. If you have an adopted child that has learned of his adoption, this would be a great book to help him or her understand a lot of their feelings, thoughts and also the process involved in finding and meeting their birth parents. Great book.

I received a complimentary copy of this book through the Beck Valley Book Tours. I have volunteered to share my review and all opinions in my review are my own.

[Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great way to talk about adoption. Adoption can bring up a lot of feelings in the adopted child, especially when they're old enough to remember part of their birth family. The story was easy to understand, and the illustrations are captivating. I can see this book helping many kids.

[D · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. I love how it is written in the viewpoint of a child - I think that really grabs the readers attention and will create a connection with any child going through a similar situation. I would definitely recommend this book for anyone going through the adoption process or if they have an adopted child with questions about their birth family.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose to read this book after receiving a free copy. All opinions in this review are my own and completely unbiased.

This story about Deshaun and his adopted and birth parents is a good book for both children and adults to read who are involved some way in the adoption process. I’m sure many adopted children have a lot of questions about their birth parents, and the way Deshaun’s parents dealt with those questions are exceptional.

As the author points out at the end of the book, openness is very important but the adoptee needs to be taken into consideration. My mom was adopted, always knew she was adopted, and she didn’t want to know anything about her birth parents until late in her life, mainly for medical reasons.

My favorite line in the book is, “Finding his birth family made a big difference in how Deshaun saw himself.” We’re All Not the Same, But We’re Still Family is what the perfect circumstances would be for Deshaun. Both families love him and finding his biological father improved his life. Such a heartwarming story!

[Keren]

This book is such a heart warming book and helps you reflect on the struggles that children in foster care or who've been adopted go through. It is natural for students to be curious and when you're adopted even from a young age you wonder and have questions. This book shows tat you don't have to be blood or look alike to be family.