More Than a Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament

by Lexie Kite, Lindsay Kite

"An indispensable resource for women of all ages, this is a guide to help us better connect to ourselves, to value ourselves, to love ourselves, and ultimately, to be ourselves."

—Chelsea Clinton

Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks.

How do you feel about your body? Have you ever stayed home from a social activity or other opportunity because of concern about how you looked? Have you ever passed judgment on someone because of how they looked or dressed? Have you ever had difficulty concentrating on a task because you were self-conscious about your appearance?

Our beauty-obsessed world perpetuates the idea that happiness, health, and ability to be loved are dependent on how we look, but authors Lindsay and Lexie Kite offer an alternative vision. With insights drawn from their extensive body image research, Lindsay and Lexie—PhDs and founders of the nonprofit Beauty Redefined (and also twin sisters!)—lay out an action plan that arms you with the skills you need to reconnect with your whole self and free yourself from the constraints of self-objectification.

From media consumption to health and fitness to self-reflection and self-compassion, Lindsay and Lexie share powerful and practical advice that goes beyond “body positivity” to help readers develop body image resilience—all while cutting through the empty promises sold by media, advertisers, and the beauty and weight-loss industries. In the process, they show how facing your feelings of body shame or embarrassment can become a catalyst for personal growth.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Feminism, Health, Psychology, Audiobook, Book Club

352 pages, Hardcover

First published December 29, 2020

Reviews

[Heather Neroy · Rating 5 out of 5]

File under: BOOKS I WANT TO DOWNLOAD INTO MY BRAIN.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here’s the thing: the message of this book is way beyond 5 stars. I loved the real life examples and the powerful reminders that our bodies are valuable because they work, not because they look good.

But gosh it was LONG. It should have been 150-200 pages, not almost 350. I found myself skimming and skipping and I don’t think I missed the message at all.

[Danielle]

I’m tempted to say “everyone should read this book,” with the caveat that someone I followed said “everyone should read this book” and I thought, I’m everyone! .. but I’m also a woman in a society that objectifies women, so...while I think it’s super important this macro message reaches a large audience, most of the details certainly won’t resonate with those who haven’t dealt with objectification or deep-rooted physical insecurities, specifically around bodies. The book is clearly written for women (understandably, as women are more often objectified, held to unreasonable beauty standards, and generally have aesthetic rolled up into our societal worth), though there are mentions towards other genders/identities and I do think the authors did a good job of trying to be inclusive.

Here’s the macro message: We are SO much more than bodies. Seems rote to type it out, yet the beauty/weight loss industry is worth BILLIONS of dollars, aimed specifically at women, and you’re telling me that’s just because beauty is just a fun hobby? Pfft.

This message is CRUCIAL and needs to be proliferated for there to be actual societal change around bodies/appearance as markers of worth. I loved a lot about this book, but mostly that there are actual actionable things we can do in our daily lives, and that we can educate others on in our daily lives, to move the dial forward. Example: complimenting others on weight loss, when you have NO idea what caused it (disease? death of a family member? and ur gunna be like, "congrats your dad died, you look great?" Do we not see how fucked up that is?!?) or the life-diminishing efforts it took to get there. In my personal life, I endeavor to not compliment other women on their haircut/jewelry/outfit as a means of making a personal connection. Those are cheap compliments that perpetuate appearances as indicators of personal value.

I will say, definitively, this should be read by anyone who has any kind of influencing power over young children (teachers, parents, coaches, etc), because the messages that we are bodies first and foremost comes at all angles early on, and the earlier we can all intervene, the better!

REPEAT: THE BODY IS AN INSTRUMENT, NOT AN ORNAMENT. Tattoo that on your fucking soul!!!

[Reanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got a free copy of this from NetGalley. Unfortunately, it's not nearly as good as I was expecting it to be, from reading the words of these authors in the past. It tries so hard to be 'inclusive' that it manages to define people by what they look like--and worse, to lecture certain people that they need to be aware of their 'privilege' when it comes to body image. If someone's reading this book, it's probably because they are struggling with what the authors call self-objectification and want to know how to fix it. If someone is struggling with a problem, it's incredibly condescending and unhelpful to immediately lecture them about how, because of *the body they have*, their struggle isn't as bad as others'. Their struggle is still real to them, so why are the authors instantly diminishing that struggle just because (giving them the benefit of the doubt that their claim is 100% true) other people struggle more? If a poor person in the US who's fighting every month to make ends meet goes to someone for help about their poverty, it would be incredibly insensitive for that person to tell them, "Well, first you have to realize that poor people in India or Africa have it WAY worse than you do." That would be so inappropriate, so how is it any more appropriate for this book to tell white or able-bodied people who struggle with self-objectification that their struggling isn't as bad as some others'? This book undermines its own reason for existing right off the bat. Which is unfortunate, because it has some good and helpful things to say otherwise.

[Jillian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic book and one that EVERYONE should read!

I’ve followed Beauty Redefined for a while and anxiously awaited this book, and it did not disappoint. I appreciated the deep dive into more of the detail and research than can be conveyed in social media posts.

The chapters were quite long and that made the readability less than ideal for me, I wish there had been 12 chapters instead of 6. However, this is most definitely 5 star in terms of content and the quality of the research and writing.

Chapter 5 was probably my favorite, but the whole book was spot on. This is such an important book. A few of my favorite moments:

“Let’s imagine something better than beautiful for ourselves and everyone we love.”

“Your beauty is not your life’s work.”

“Our bodies are instruments for our own personal use, experience, and benefit- not ornaments to be admired.”

“But what we wanted, and still want, is to push for a deeper understanding that all women are being marginalized by the very fact of being seen as bodies first and foremost by others and by ourselves.”

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

[Edit July 25, 2023 to add: If you wanted something like this book but this book wasn't it, I highly recommend checking out "Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture" by Virginia Sole-Smith. That book was what I personally wanted/needed from a weight culture book. I'd recommend it whether you're a parent or not.]

I really, really wanted to like this book, but it fell short for me.

I am 100% behind the message, but I suppose I was hoping for more of a how-to or workbook-style lesson, rather than what felt like a collection of the authors’ stories about how they missed out on various swimsuit-requiring events, until they decided not to miss out anymore.

The book focuses predominantly on weight (I had hoped it would touch on other body image issues such as postpartum and aging, at least occasionally), and seemingly instructing people to just stop following societal norms that objectify women (i.e. dying your hair, or shaving your legs).

I diligently answered all of the questions posed at the beginning of each chapter, hoping the authors would return to those and guide readers through their feelings, somehow. Instead, the questions were posed and then completely ignored, and the authors seemed to just tell anecdotes of people they’d met through their various speaking engagements who had body image issues until they realized they shouldn’t anymore.

Unfortunately, at least for me, it doesn’t seem quite so simple.

[Kelsey Grissom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some parts of this book were important, and our culture desperately needs to hear those parts: yes, people are more than a body. Women are more than bodies. I also really loved the call to analyze the media and messages that we and our children consume (the authors have a very practical guide for talking through that with your kids). But ultimately I was annoyed by all the buzz words, the highly self-conscious and verbose “correct” language (maybe understandable in today’s biting environment, but still: annoying), and the complete lack of acknowledgement of the role that food does play in any issue around bodies. I get that maybe food is “outside the scope” of this book, but in a work this long (and it did feel very long and often repetitive), they could have acknowledged it. I just don’t see how you can talk about body image, weight, health, or any of the rest without at least mentioning our screwed up relationship with food. Anything to do with bodies cannot just be a head issue. These are real, material, living and dying things, not just images or even self-images.

[Ramsee T · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow where to start with this one. This is easily in the top 3 of worst books I’ve ever read. My first Goodreads 1 star review. The writing lacked throughout the book. Chapters were 60+ pages long; filled with run on’s, continued repetition, and lacking conciseness. The length of short stories for the chapters and non engaging themes left me finding myself skimming much of the book. I would later go back and reread to try and find the substance or point of the chapter. Condescending tonality and pretension was also present thru most of the text. From there the ideals/points being made were not well thought out and tumbled over themselves. The book claims to be about positivity and empowerment but it reads quite the opposite. 2 women speaking who in general seem bitter, resentful and filled with entitlement and privilege. Many points were speaking from places they cannot with authority/conviction speak from. This didn’t stop them (back to the entitled, privilege bit) Particularly when writing about Muslim women’s experiences. They took a very westernized white so we got to be right approach. Pushing an agenda based on something they think they may know because of their PhD titles. In addition this carried over when speaking about gay men. It lacked factual and substantial logic. Though they wrote like it contained facts. With many of their point being back by well someone in our study group said this. Yes that can be but when writing about such a charged topic true research and factual data should be used. Not feelings, hunches, or because they feel this way. Their feelings are very valid for them but it doesn’t equal everyone’s.

Don’t get me wrong there was some good points and takeaways. And the rating I gave was not on the merits that I don’t necessarily align to their beliefs, it was based mostly on the writing. With the agenda they are trying to push as an after thought. There is so much they could’ve said and done with this text but instead used it as one more way to judge and tear down woman from their POV’s. To try to discourage acknowledging someone’s health journey when maybe fitness is their healthy coping mechanism. And affirmation may just be the thing the addict, the divorcee, the person struggling with depression needs. Every physical compliment is not objectification. We all every last one of us has something uniquely physically beautiful about ourselves. To be discouraged of recognizing those characteristics only just continues to limit kindness being spread, and perpetuates exclusion.

[Allison Riding Larsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stellar! One star down because it felt a little bit repetitive but overall what a lovely and powerful book. I would imagine different parts would resonate based on your own insecurities but for me, the most poignant parts were about 1) body neutrality 2) ways to set boundaries on social media 3) sections on how to engage in conversations with your own daughters made me teary.

Adding in so I can easily get back to this quote:
“Acknowledge what you are doing as you are scrolling through that person's highlight reel and comparing their favorite angles to your least favorite. Really feel and acknowledge that uncomfortable sting you get from self-comparison. Tell yourself something like this: "She is good, and I am good. We are in this together. We aren't in competition for limited resources. I want what is best for her, and I'm sure she'd want the same for me." And then wish her well and put down your phone.”

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had all the money to buy this for every woman & teenage girl I know. And, while I'm at it, all the teenage boys and men would learn a lot from reading it too. I wanted to cry when I read (and recognized) the process young girls go through: we start out thinking of our bodies as a place where we live and play (an internal experience), but over time we are moved to an external perspective where our thoughts center on how our body looks—what we see and what we imagine others see & think about our bodies (self-objectification).

I was raised and live in a conservative religious culture (LDS) and have seen the emphasis on clothing standards for girls and women become more rigid in the last couple of decades. I bought into that mindset for a long time. This book perfectly explains how, despite our sincere desire to protect young women and teach them to respect and honor their bodies, we are Being Part of the Problem and There Is a Much Better Way.

I learned a lot from the Kites about media trends that influence and promote self-objectification (including ones that seem positive and empowering at first glance), so that was pretty eye-opening. There was a lot to help me work on the way I think about & treat my own body and how I can better teach my children to relate to theirs.

Note: I'm scratching my head at the people who take exception to Drs Kite pointing out that some people experience additional layers of objectification (such as women of color, women who are disabled, etc.) and that this is something to be aware of.

[Melanie (lemonyreads) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have been sitting with this review for some time so PLEASE be patient as I unpack my thoughts…

Let's start with THE GOOD:
-Chapter 4 - divided to united as women
-Chapter 5 - Health and fitness
-The overall message to focus on more than just bodies and outside appearances.
-Have kindness and compassion for others and yourself.

THESE QUOTES:
"Positive body image is an inside job."
"We see women, including ourselves as bodies first and people second."
"Think about how you can validate others for more than their bodies or beauty. Digging deeper into their humanity."
"Your BMI or your weight do not define your worth and they do not define your health either."
"Focus on fitness instead of fatness."

Now THE BAD:
There are references of women with eating disorders throughout the book. Starting in the introduction all the way to the last chapter.
I had an eating disorder for years and worked through that addiction, and this was uncomfortable for me. Also, when the eating disorders are mentioned, it's always to prove their point that the only reason women develop an eating disorder is because they want to lose weight.
There are many contributing factors to that kind of an addiction and while it does revolve around weight loss there's so much more psychology going on. I wish they would have used other examples of body obsessive behaviors. It was too much for me.

This was written in 2021?? The media facts feel dated. They may have done Scientific research, but their media research feels incredibly picked over to only use what will convince you of their points.

THIS is where I got angry…
The authors say they don't discriminate against men, but it feels incredibly sexist. When I was taking therapy for my eating disorder, I discovered that men, straight AND gay struggled with the same body issues I did. I saw them there every week. That was almost 20 years ago. Its only gotten worse.

Quote: "Men have none of the same concerns or the pressure to fix them." ... This is absolute S***. This is repeated to an annoying degree.

Quote: "We are judged and valued for our appearance more than men are."

When I shared these quotes with my husband, he was livid.
He said that it's because of those kinds of statements, men feel lost. Even though they feel the same pressures that women do, they aren't allowed to talk about it or to mention it, because they are men, and they are “privileged.” They aren't allowed validation, and because they are male, no one cares if they struggle. Until it’s too late.

Recent statistics show that MEN commit suicide more than women. Those are worldwide statistics. Don’t you dare tell me that men aren’t affected or pressured.

I was hoping this book would be an educational read that I could share with my daughters, my son and my husband. But it's not. With the title “More Than a Body.” I would hope that it would include ALL bodies, male and female but apparently, it's only exclusively female.

“When beautiful woman are praised rewarded and valued for their beauty. Whether explicitly or implicitly, they learn that is what makes them valuable and powerful. And they have to keep it up to hold on to their value."

This is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the entire book. Doing anything to “beautify” adjust, change, or improve your body is showing the world that you are insecure, and you're only doing it for approval. The Self Care mentality that we’ve worked so hard to have people accept? Well, its wrong. Especially if it has anything to do with beauty.

Concerning makeup, the reality is that some women do it to hide, some women do it to stand out. Some women do it to express themselves and some for fun. And some do it because it's a part of their culture and their deep-rooted traditions. It is untrue and unfair to say that ALL women do it ONLY for outside approval and value.

This book is filled with them saying “don't put women in boxes” and then proceeding to put all women in a Box.

"If we don't want beauty and body judgment to take us down, we can't let it build us up either." (read that last part again)

Constant bashing body positivity because it brings focus to the body and apparently ALL and ANY direction or mention towards the body is wrong and should be avoided at all costs or else you are contributing towards body objectivism.

Basically, that Before & After picture of when you lost tons of weight, take it down. Your daily workout selfies where you killed it in the gym? stop posting it. Pictures of you dressed up for an evening out, take it down. A photo of a beautiful bride dressed up for her wedding, don't comment on her physical appearance at all.

Why can't we have both? WHY can't we celebrate the body for what it is? A beautiful God given masterpiece of a creation and praise women for more than their looks?

What then do we do about art museums that show the naked human body? Or sculptures? Do we take them down because it's bringing focus to the body?
Do we completely abolish all fashion; models and designers because it's all about our physical appearance?

I am open to books that make me think about how I view my body and my relationship with it. I like to feel challenged on how I see myself in society. I'm OK being pushed out of my comfort zone. I'm OK being told that my habits are wrong and that I need to rethink what I say and do. But I’m NOT ok with the negative messages of this book.

For women who are struggling to find themselves, this book could do serious damage. It could make women feel like all their efforts towards building themselves and others up has been wasted.

I'm glad I listened to this book for chapters 4 and 5 and because I do enjoy critical thinking and challenging myself but I'm also happy to never read it again.

[Angie Treasure · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high expectations for this, which is maybe why I feel disappointed by it.

Ultimately, I think it has some interesting ideas that were probably pretty revolutionary when we started evaluating body positivity/body neutrality as it grew alongside Instagram/influencer culture, but I'm not sure that I find it all that fulfilling now. I think I'm mostly bothered by the general re-enforcement of modesty culture (albeit through a different lens) and lack of nuance when it comes to dress.

In general, it feels like the equivalent of "forgo plastic straws" as a solution for floating islands of plastic in the ocean. Some good tools, leans towards enforcing body neutrality, but ultimately unsatisfying for me.

[Colleen Oakes · Rating 5 out of 5]

EVERY. SINGLE. FEMALE. should read this book. Free yourselves from the lifelong diet culture and engage with your body in a new way. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to engage in a new way of thinking about your body, your body image and the poison culture passed down to us from our mothers. This was freeing, it was liberating, it was magic in it's pages. It seemed to me without agenda; that we need to change the way we talk about ourselves...with ourselves. Highly recommend, and also STOP FAT SHAMING.

[Sadie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I struggled with this book and it is hard to pinpoint exactly why. The first chapter or two I feel like was just a cheap sales pitch for their research and speaking events. After that, I just felt combative during the rest of the book. I am not sure if it is because of the way they present their stance or discount anyone who may think differently. (Which I can't even say they do that because there is one part where they mention that they know it is not as cut and dry as they present.) I guess what I am trying to say is that by the end of the book I felt LESS inspired about body image than when I started, and I suppose the opposite was supposed to happen.

[Greta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Had to go with 4 stars, the message of this book hands down deserves 5 stars, but the writing itself felt pretty repetitive and I think the book could've been much shorter. That being said, I would definitely recommend this book to everyone because the message is that important. I know I'll use it as a reference in the future. Plus, I highly recommend following their instagram account @beauty_redefined.

[Skedatt · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book as it came well-recommended by a friend. But I just can't. I am sorry, my friend.

For a book about not objectifying yourself, having an introduction that says you are defined by your skin color and/or your disability or lack thereof seems completely at odds with the overall message of not letting anything define whether you are beautiful or not. Hmmm.

I have a lot more experience with with raising sons rather than daughters and having brothers instead of sisters and I can say that men have their own body image expectations and problems that arise from them. Not so fun fact: over a quarter of the reported cases of anorexia are actually male. Reported cases, by the way. It looks different than in women, but it is still there.

Podcast #520: The Surprising Origins and Prevalence of Bigorexia and Male Body Image Issues

Also, how is it any different to have women objectified as it is to have men objectified? I'm old school, so my example is walking through the romance section in any bookstore. The bodice ripper romances have bare chested men on the covers, many without heads. How is that not objectified?????

If you are going to have a book that is supposedly 'inclusive' and then dwells on how everyone is different and therefore some have it worse than others but definitely THAT MEN and how they view women ARE THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL...but not have pornography (the ultimate objectification) listed in the index as a problem for men or women? I am totally baffled.

Was there anything good or useful about this book?

I did agree with the idea that men should school their thoughts to not see women as objects. I will take it a step further: teach women not to see men as objects. I cannot tell you how many times I have been part of or overheard a conversation of a bunch of ladies admiring a male's physique in an objectifying way. If we are going to be fair, it has to be fair.

I agree that a written dress code should be equal across the board.

I totally agree that we should be more compassionate people when it comes to recognizing another's humanity.

I totally agree that you should be worried more about fitness than fatness.

I totally agree that clothes can be hard to find in certain shapes and sizes. I am one of those sizes, but when I look around, most people are hard to fit no matter what their size. But the history of clothing sizes and why they are what they are is another story that the authors didn't study that much.

So while there were hidden nuggets of wisdom in this book, it was watered down with so much fluff and verbal diarrhea that it was a chore to make it through it. It should have been 250 pages shorter and less politically correct in order to actually address the issues more directly and be more useful for the target population.

[Jenessa Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

READ THIS BOOK.

The world needs this book and the revolution the Kite sisters are fighting. While reading this book, I felt a tidal wave of anger chapter after chapter. I’m angry with the beauty industry, media, diet culture, and my own self-objectification. I’m angry for my 7-year-old self who already felt embarrassed when I went to my dance class because I was bigger than the other girls. I’m angry for my own little girls, and the world I cannot shield them from.

Because of this book and the anger it stirred, I finally threw away my scale. It felt so liberating. I’m committing now to stopping that diet talk with friends and family. I’m raising my girls to believe their bodies are instruments, not ornaments. I’m deciding to trust my body. I’m striving to be fully present, not half present and half evaluating how I might be appearing to other people. I’m choosing to invest my time and energy in my family, my spirituality, creating a homey home, reading, and writing.

“Your beauty is not your life’s work.”

Thank you, Lindsay and Lexie Kite. 100% fangirling over you. Fingers crossed my twin girls can be as brave and confident as you two someday. I already want to read this book again!

[8stitches 9lives · Rating 4 out of 5]

We are all used to those self-help guides that proclaim 'New Year, New You' but most of them only address physical issues such as weight management or generic mental health issues, which is why I was excited to read this book as it uniquely focuses on the way we conceive our bodies. As women we are frequently objectified in everyday life and learn to hate our bodies because of the media's depiction of what we all apparently should look like which can lead to self-loathing and even eating disorders.

Twin sisters Lexie and Lindsay Kite PhD take us back to basics and ultimately help us learn to love our bodies regardless of their shape and size. Including many powerful real life case studies of women fighting to overcome their lack of self worth, this is potentially a life-changing read which alters the perception you have of yourself and encourages you to feel beautiful by simply being you. I highly recommend it to those who often struggle to think positively about their appearance.

[Alessandra Fediv · Rating 3 out of 5]

Дуже важлива тема обʼєктивації нашого тіла, а особливо жіночого!

Тут ну дуууууже розжовують чому:

Худа не означає здорова
Красива не означає щаслива
Не варто бігти в гонці за красою
Не треба 24/7 порівнювати себе з іншими
Ваше тіло- не визначає Вас як особистість
Любити себе щиро та приймати- найважливіше!

Алееееее😅
Як завжди, американці в своїх нонфішкн переливають з пустого в порожнє, і ця книжка могла б бути потужною та зрозумілою на 20-50 сторінках, інше це просто розжовування.

Мало особистісних історій, вона сухувата.

Авторки явно вміють писати так, щоб згладити всі можливі конфлікти і дискусії, екологічно доносити свої думки.

Багато кому можу порадити, але мало хто осилить її повністю, як мені здається 😅

[Jillian Lightbown · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok please everyone read this!! It’s about freeing yourself from how you look- something I really want to work at. I liked how they talk about the body positivity movement being a step in the right direction, but how it still puts so much emphasis on how a woman looks. I think it got a little repetitive throughout so sometimes felt hard to get through. Message is 1000/5 though.

[Krista Seljaas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hey women of Goodreads- you really need to read this ❤️ I feel I must share this book with every gal in my life and shout from the roof tops that our bodies are instruments and not decorations to be viewed

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed listening to this one. It continues to make me think and question everything I ever thought about beauty culture and bodies! This is well researched and engaging.

I am so grateful to my mom once again while I listened to this. I talked with my sisters and we all agree that my mom was way ahead of her time on these issues. There was a whole section on the mother/daughter dynamic around beauty and I felt so much love for my mom. She never cared about our weight or what we looked like. She wanted and still wants us to go, and do, and be, and learn! I am certain that I have not done as good of a job with my kids but I absolutely had the best modeling.

[Mallory · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that I think all people -- especially women and girls -- need to read. Drs. Kite & Kite so clearly explain our culture (and probably the world's) obsession with how women and girls look, and the importance placed on girls' and women's looks from an early age. As one of over 90% of women who have struggled with the self-perception, feelings of inadequacy, self-deprecation, and endless body dissatisfaction, this book really hit me hard.

Throughout reading this book, I felt empowered to change the focus of myself and others away from the way we all look. Drs. Kite & Kite illuminate problems with current "body positivity" campaigns advertising "Every Body is Beautiful" and ask the questions: Why does beautiful matter (especially for women)? Can we have the conversation that WHAT your body can do matters and HOW it looks doesn't-- including weight and beauty regimen?

Chapter 4 specifically stood out to me as a resource I plan to scan and send to many people in my life. I currently struggle with many people who love my daughter talking constantly about the way she looks and the size (and weight!) of her body. She is one year old. This makes me very sad and defensive. Chapter 4 provided me with some useful tools and dialogue to try to direct attention that my daughter gets (often very well-meaning!) away from her looks and focusing more on her abilities.

Additionally, I am trying very hard to change my language about myself and other women both around my daughter and in general. I am surprised by how many of my conversations revolve around how people look (in movies, media, people I know)! I have a lot of work to do in this area to change bad habits, re-direct my focus and importance of human bodies, focus on my own health journey (not measured by any visual methods of success), and change the language I use surrounding all bodies.

[Janessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Kite sisters do an incredible job of unpacking the way women have been conditioned for generations to view our own bodies as objects, and the way that impedes us from fully living our lives. I love the way they challenge us to reframe our thinking about our bodies. There is no peace in the path of self-objectification, or in seeking validation and self-worth from our appearance. I first learned about the Kite sisters when my teenaged daughter was battling a life-threatening eating disorder. Her illness rocked my world and forced me to look hard at my beliefs and attitudes about my own body. I started following the Kite sisters on instagram, and their research and writing showed me a way forward. Their mantra, "Your body is an instrument, not an ornament," helped my daughter develop a better relationship with food and her body. Their work helped us both to heal. It's uncomfortable at first, challenging life-long perceptions. In the words of poet and activist Gloria Anzaldua, as quoted in the book: "'Knowing' is painful because after it happens I can't stay in the same place and be comfortable. I am no longer the person I was before." But the knowing is powerful and healing.

[Rach · Rating 4 out of 5]

Something similar books didn’t touch on as much as this one was the concept of self-objectification and body monitoring.

My whole life, especially after puberty, I’ve been viewing my body from a detached, outsider (male-gaze) perspective. If I’m doing something, what do I look like? Am I sucking in my stomach as much as I could? It’s a hyper-fixation on what others are possibly seeing that’s wrong with my body.

Which is exhausting. And apparently many many many other women do this as well because there are studies about it as detailed in this wonderful book! We need to stop spending so much mental energy worrying about what we look like instead of what we are like. I’m freshly dedicated to spending more time planning on what I want to DO with my body and what I want to achieve over endless and impossible beauty and aesthetic standards.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished More Than A Body. I’ve been following and reading the work of Lexie and Lindsay Kite for more than a decade (on their blog first and then IG). I was worried that I might get discouraged reading more about our preoccupation with beauty because, in recent years, personal health challenges have made me less focused on how my body looks and acutely aware of how my body feels. And my “instrument” has felt broken. But this was still a worthwhile, meaningful read for me. I’d love to give this book to every woman I know.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK!!

[Danni May · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this book had some really good messages and really went into allot of history on why we feel the way we do about our bodies when it comes to the media, advertising, our upbringing, social and economical factors ect.

I feel like I have struggled with self objectification and body anxiety my whole life and quite frankly I’m sick of it! This year I want to make steps in order to try to shed my oppressive thoughts about my body and body image. This book reinforces that our bodies no matter what they look like are wonderful, and to focus on what your body has been through and gotten through in life. To be kind to yourself and to not get caught up in the often unattainable beauty standards put on us. It gave some great tools to try and start doing the work that we all need to do to try and achieve body neutrality. We should all be infuriated on being objectified and it’s up to us to break down those norms.

Overall this was a good book it’s a good message. I took allot away from it. I also liked how it got me thinking about how I will treat body image talk and beauty standards with my children and how I don’t want them to end up with the same body anxiety I have. I feel like it was a good starting point for me, I will definitely have to keep digging and working on myself to free myself from my body anxiety but it’s a good starting point.

[Beth Given · Rating 5 out of 5]

Society standards for women have resulted in so many women feeling trapped by their body image: they feel that their worth hinges on their beauty and they waste time, resources, and energy trying to achieve a body more in line with an unrealistic or even impossible standard. But having a perfect body doesn't lead to happiness.

This book does a great job of deconstructing the messages we have been immersed in our whole lives. I especially appreciated the acknowledgement that commenting on others' beauty and bodies, even when complimenting them, becomes problematic because it reiterates the message that their body is an important measuring stick of their value. A compliment about their weight means that they were less worthy of compliments before.

I've heard "your body is an instrument, not an ornament" before, but I also liked the idea that "you are a human being, not a human being looked at."

Sometimes the messages in this book were a little repetitive, but I also found myself resonating more with some examples more than others, so maybe the repetition was a good thing.

I really appreciated that the authors acknowledged their privileges throughout this book. While this is an issue that harms all women, they acknowledged -- multiple times -- the added burden for BIPOC, queer, and impoverished people.


A small handful of mild swear words when quoting the works of others.

[Melodi | booksandchicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Kite sisters do such a great job explaining the problem of the world objectifying the female body. We've been doing it for years and for what reasons? Well, a big reason is for $$. There is a lot of money to be made by making girls and women feel the need to fix, cover, hide, tighten, and glam their body. A lot of money.

Some of the points that I liked was talking about body neutrality vs. body positivity which still hyper focuses on the body image. Dress codes and the purpose behind dress codes, how should dress codes be made/handled/used? Weight loss and comments made that may seem positive-but again, shows the focus of the body.

This was really interesting to listen to as a mother of a pre-teen who has already started asking questions about looks and weight and bodies. I'm hopeful that some of the thoughts in the book will help me in my dialogue with my daughter as I attempt to help her navigate the sharky waters of societies hyper focus on a perfect (and potentially) unhealthy body. I want to own a copy to mark and reference back to.

It was a bit repetitive, but overall, a book I will always recommend for everyone to read, male and female.