Equilibria

by Vrinda Pendred

Anna Nolon is obsessive – about everything. She worries about her grades, her appearance, germs, the pattern of her footsteps, the number of syllables in the words she says, her parents' approval, the future and, most of all, death.

It’s okay – so does everyone else. This is Equilibria: the first society built to accommodate OCD.

But when Aaron comes along – the strange new boy who doesn't quite fit into that pristine society of Holy Balance and Order – Anna is forced to look at the dark shadows hanging over her and decide if perfection is really what she wants.

Genres: Young Adult, Psychology, Dystopia

ebook

Published November 25, 2019

About the author

Vrinda Pendred originally grew up in Arizona, but moved to England in 1999, where she now lives with her husband and their two sons.

She is a constant writer of both original stories and freely published fan fiction, with a focus on sci-fi/fantasy, romance, and humour. She also dabbles in digital artwork.

Vrinda has self-published several books, beginning with 'Check Mates: A Collection of Fiction, Poetry and Artwork about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, by People with OCD' - a project released in 2010 under her own imprint Conditional Publications.

Reviews

[Veronica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this YA dystopian set in a world created around the symptoms and thought processes of OCD. It was especially meaningful because the author has OCD and talks about her own journey with it in the afterward. Her lived experiences made the story seem so real and gave me insight into how people with OCD think and feel. I think for that reason alone people should read it. However, there are many other reasons as well!
The book featured great worldbuilding. The author thought of a very complete world, with its own customs and religion. She included the sermons that Anna listened to at the temple, descriptions of what they wore, ate, their houses, and more. I could really picture everything in the story and the description felt like a natural part of the writing style.
The main character grew over the course of the story and felt very genuine. It was written in a way that the reader was able to experience the character's thoughts and feelings along with her, from the anxiety she feels at the beginning to the rage she feels nearer the end. I liked the added dimension of reading Anna's journal entries. Anna learns a lot about herself over the course of the story and I liked that she was able to find her own strength.
The plot is slow at first, but by the end of the book I was at the edge of my seat. I was happy with the ending as well, I thought it was a satisfying conclusion that wrapped everything up. I also enjoyed the romance subplot!
Overall I highly recommend Equilibria to a variety of readers.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Have Coffee Need Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Neuroses. Vrinda Pendred has penned what is undoubtedly a controversial young adult narrative regarding a society built on its own mental unwellness. Welcome to Equilibria where your OCD is everyone's primary concern.

Anna Nolon has many fears, but her most current are the empty chair next to her in Maths class and a chipped nail. While one of those is a quick fix, the other requires divine intervention for resolution, only what the Great Organiser delivers is a hot mess, in direct conflict with social norms. Anna isn't sure if Aaron King is a hawk or a pig, but she wants to be a hawk with him.

Vrinda Pendred has a lot of neat tricks in Equilibria, starting with the name palindromes. All the characters' first and last names are mirror names: Anna, Renner, Elle, Emme, Izzi, Eve, Otto... And the same with the last names Nolon and Kilik. The only name that bucks convention is Aaron's, and that makes sense because so does he.

There are too many things I don't wish to spoil in this book, so I want to handle the book review delicately. I will mention that there is a heavy emphasis on mathematics, engineering, logic, music, and other sciences. I loathe maths. But there is one quote in this book that made it sound beautiful.

'Mathematics isn't just about numbers and symbols, you know. That's just the way humans express it. It's a language. And sometimes, language--any language--is inadequate. But maths--real, natural maths--it's all around us. It's in us. I am one. You and I are two. And we're two parts of the whole that is the world--the universe.'

Waxing poetic about my nemesis is worth a star.

Equilibria is going to be hard for many 'normal' people to get into because they will find it hard to get started. OCD is ridiculous to us who have it, and to people who don't, it is going to read like nonsense. The first thirteen percent of the book is Anna and her rituals and conundrums. It's a lot. The payoff is more than worth it.

If I were to change anything, I wish the ending was more daring.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary advance copy of this book.

[Dr. Raye of Sunshine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was definitely a different sort of dystopian story. Dystopian is one of my very favorite genres and I was quite intrigued to read this book.

Anna lives in Equilibria, a perfect place where everything is perfect...or is it?

I do not have OCD but I appreciated the attention to detail that the author put into the characterization of what OCD is like. I DO have anxiety and I know how difficult it can be when you worry over and over about something even though you know darn well you just turned it off or whatever. I could definitely relate to that and thought it was well done.

I hated Anna's parents from the get-go. I mean, I get it, this society is supposed to be a specific way but losing your cool and saying you will have to replace an ENTIRE carpet over one spilled piece of pasta and sauce? Come on. (I realize it was the point of the OCD stuff....but in many ways Otto is just a flat-out jerk.)

Overall this was a really fresh take on a favorite genre for me. The writing was clear and engaging and I enjoyed reading it.

I was given a free copy of this book by the author and BookSirens in exchange for an honest review.

[Sara Eames · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC for free and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

An excellent dystopian novel which explores the idea of what happens if you let fear control your life. The main character, Anna, suffers from acute OCD - but that's ok because so so does everyone around her. It was obvious from reading this book that the author has had experience of OCD, she really got into the head of her main character and made the condition real. Your heart goes out to Anna (and, to a lesser extent, her family) as she struggles to make sense of the world.

The middle part of this book does get very dark and may contain triggers for some people - so readers should be aware of this. That being said, Equilibria is a fascinating read with well-written characters and a plot that moves at a steady pace. I read this in a couple of days - I didn't want to put it down. Highly recommended.

[Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best free book I have ever been given! First of all. It took me longer to read because I don’t care for reading books on my computer, because it hurts my eyes. That being said thank the Organizer (inside joke) for this book. That was a rollercoaster ride. When I had to stop reading to eat or when eyes hurt, I could not help my mind racing about what would happen next. I loved Anna she was such a good character but oh boy did I ever love Aaron!

This was such a good portrayal of anxiety. I found myself constantly comparing myself to these characters and what they went through and thought the author somehow had peered into my soul, extracted it, and laid it bare for all to see.

This was written beautifully. I loved how the authors pace slowed and sped as I read based on each scenes intentions. I loved the world building perhaps the most. When a world can envelop me the way this did it's guaranteed to be a great book for me. But to top it all off, the characters are so near and dear to my heart that this book has launched itself into my all-time favorite books.

Trigger Warning!! This does have discussions on suicide, self harm, and anxiety inducing themes. That being said for those able to read I highly recommend it.

Milk

OTTO -
I nearly sent my computer flying when Otto hit Anna. I was pissed.

Elle -
I cannot believe how Elle betrayed Anna like that. Hit me like a brick.

Afterward -
I wish there was an afterward, a chapter or more, of their new life in Australia.

[Graisi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great read. It's a different take on a dystopian novel - about a society where people are brainwashed into believing neurotic behaviour is healthy and normal. When I saw the parents reaction to Anna spilling food, I was hooked. The end was fast paced and exciting. I hope there will be a sequel, though even without one, it is a satisfying read.

[I received this book for free after agreeing to review it.]

[Kelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I quite enjoyed this book. It was an interesting read for someone who has OCD herself. Much of what Anna was going through in the book I could relate to. I think that Vrinda Pendred did a fantastic job of explaining what the disease is like, while at the same time respecting the disease for the impact that it has on people. I also think she did a fantastic job describing what the other side starts to look like when you are fighting the disease. I am not sure if that was the true plan she had, but the image of sailing away in a boat will forever be in my mind when I think about OCD. The only thing that I did not like about this book is Equilibria: the first society built to accommodate OCD. While I did need accommodations while I was fighting the disease and sometimes still today, I would never, ever want to live in the fear for always like the people of Equilibria did. I hated that the book made it seem like those with OCD should be separated and accommodated. I think that is wrong on so many levels. I know when I was fighting the disease, all I wanted was to be like everyone else...to be "normal" again. Overall, I think Vrinda Pendred writes a great story with such detail to what the characters are experiencing, especially those with OCD. She writes of the struggles and the wanting to break free with such excellent descriptions that even without a diagnosis of OCD you can experience what the characters are going through. This was a fun book to get lost in.

[Seher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Equilibria is a dystopian novel set in a country made for people with OCD, which was once Australia.

I really do appreciate a story being told by someone who has OCD; it's important that there is more representation in books and other media. I enjoyed the inclusion of purging and religion in the book; it was well done and really did convey how messed up the world was.

I'm not sure if it was my favorite book though; it's alright fiction. But none of the characters really stood out and I didn't really root for anyone. The world was just bland; there never seemed to be a crack in any armor besides Nayan's. I don't understand the point of Anna's father just throwing it out that many children died; I mean, if it was that common something would have been done about it. I also didn't appreciate his emotional insensitivity; it was too forced and it seemed too much like the purging.

Equilibria fell short because it lacked those spaces of lawlessness that allow these dystopian worlds to survive. The factory wasn't enough; it fell short because of how regimented they are too. The spaces of lawlessness needed are the ones that are created by the people to survive what is wrong with the world itself and then can go back to that world. Does that make sense?

I received an advanced review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

What would it be like to live in a perfect world where everyone and everything is in perfect symmetrical order? Equilibria gives the reader a peek into what that might be like. Anna, the main character at first appears to have OCD or something like it. But soon the reader discovers that all of the country of Equilibria is the same way. Living in perfection means living with constant fear and anxiety. When Anna meets Aaron, she is exposed to a whole new way of thinking that has huge consequences.

I enjoyed this book. I struggle with perfectionist tendencies and some of Anna's internal turmoil resonated with me. I was not surprised to discover the author herself has dealt with OCD because of how real it felt to read. I wish there was more to the ending would be my only critique. I don't want to specify of what, because I don't want to give away any spoilers for future readers. Definitely a good read for anyone who enjoys dystopian fiction.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[C · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is such a cool concept and story. It made me feel so angry for the main characters and sad such a world was ever allowed to be created.
In my opinion, it was just too long. The book dragged and I found myself wanting to skim to get to the point.
Thank you to the author and BookSirens for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review!

[Camille · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writing and thought that went into this book was a lot, and noticeable. Things that never occurred to me to be "balanced" were balanced in this book. The names were even palindromes. So the construction was spot on. The story itself did not capture my interest for long. It was heavy with details (which some people may like) but it made it long and boring to me. So this book was fine, just not my cup of tea.

I received an advanced review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.