hello, it is i, your favourite boy, coming to you with a new review for a trashy book that i've read
why have i read this you might ask - don't question me
let's get going, let's just get gone
this review will be especially annoying and will contain SPOILERS because why shouldn't it at this point. it doesn't matter. you shouldn't read this book, it's not particularly good
🍑 we are using the peach emoji cause... i won't explain. think people. you know why.
🍑 let's get it out of the way: Kevin and Sandro - horrible names. no offense to all the Kevins and Sandros out there (except my former master thesis advisor who is also named Kevin - he can go fuck himself. fuck you Kevin, like really) but neither name is especially sexy. you know what a sexy name is? i won't say it, but we're all thinking it. anyway. i can look past Kevin's unsexy name (i really can't actually, but let's pretend) but a Dom should have a sexy name. i don't make the rules.
🍑 Sandro calls him "baby boy". no. i do not agree with this. stop it right now. this is not what we need as a society.
🍑 so the plot: Kevin is basically homeless at this point (not really, but let's pretend) and he needs money (we all do) so his friend with whom he lives after his parents kinda kicked him out is like "you know what you need: a daddy" and kevin is like "but i am a virgin" and his friend is like "doesn't matter, i already send your nudes to this daddy dom i know. btw i am NOT a pimp" and kevin is like "okay i'll fuck him" and i'm like "oh boy"
🍑 kevin then sells his virginity for 10k which - i did not know we could do that??? i'm out here giving it to people for free and you all are getting paid???? i would have gladly sold my virginity for 10k, it's called smart financial decisions
🍑 kevin obviously starts calling sandro daddy from the first second because you gotta prove you're worth the 10k, hun!!!
🍑 he fucks sandro on his yacht because sandro (who owns an island btw, because of course he does) only let's special✨ boys onto his property and Kevin really wants to be a special✨ boy. so he's like "daddy, i want to go on the island" and sandro is like"you can, but there are RULES" and i am like "of course there are"
🍑 so the rules are that kevin has to stay on this island for an entire year, he can leave but if he does he can't come back. he isn't allowed internet, can only phone a select few people if sandro allows it and also there is a room which he is not allowed to go in under no circumstances
🍑 every sensible person would be like "oh, that's his room where he kills people :)"
🍑 so kevin agrees to the terms and conditions even though he has known that man for only one hour and he's obviously a killer but who cares because kevin is high on endorphins after loosing his virginity (i would be too, if i got 10k for it) and he also desperately wants to get fucked without a condom, so what's a little time in a murder cabin if you can have cum dripping out your ass :)
🍑 he also get's 1 Million for this whole year. so. honestly. what's a little time in the murder cabin when you can have 1 million bucks. i'd do it
🍑 sandro also makes him cook and clean and kevin, who is really bad at both, is like "okay, i'll do anything, if it's important to my Daddy" YOU'VE KNOWN THAT MAN FOR ONE HOUR I SWEAR TO GOD
🍑 also Kevin is really annoying. i cringe every time he opens his mouth. there is a way to make the whole "Daddy" thing sexy and it's not whatever the fuck Kevin is doing.
🍑 also i took this note: "if i was a dom, i would also make my sub cook and clean for me. like what's he gonna do about it? complain? i have my whip ready"
🍑 the dirty talk between the two is also the worst thing i've read since The Spanish Love Deception
🍑 half way through the story there is a random other man in the house who is like "sandro is sharing you with me" to which kevin is like "i don't think so", coincidentally the man also came out of the FORBIDDEN ROOM (tm) because of course and then he tries to r*pe Kevin but sandro saves him.
🍑 understandably kevin is really upset about this and demands to know what is in the room to which sandro responds with a spanking BECAUSE THIS IS TOTALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO AFTER YOUR SUB WAS NEARLY R*PED?????????????????????????????
🍑 kevin kinda forgets about the room until a time skip later when it's their "anniversary" and kevin is like "i sure hope daddy let's me stay forever <3" to which daddy is like "come into the forbidden room please, and bring a big pillow"
🍑 SURPRISE THE ROOM IS A TORTURE CHAMBER WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. not kevin, who thought it's a gaming room
🍑 Kevin obviously kills his nearly-r*pist with the big pillow sandro asks him to bring and sandro is like "i will give you 2 million for this" and kevin is like "but i want your love" and sandro is like "okay, but you need to know that i kill people" and kevin is like "that's fine, can i have it in the ass please?" and then they fuck (while there is a corpse lying there, dead, one room away. really sets the mood huh)
🍑 YOU GODDAMN IDIOT
🍑 YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE 2 MILLION
🍑 oh somewhere in between they have role play sex where kevin is dressed as an elf and he has bells everywhere but most importantly on his nipples and it's the worst thing i've ever read
🍑 i just can't stress enough how they have sex while there is someone dead in the house
🍑 also, obviously he's a mafia dude who kills people? what else would he be? this whole reveal was so anticlimactic but also:
🍑 WHY WOULD YOU STAY INSTEAD OF TAKING THE 2 MILLION, SANDRO ISN'T EVEN HOT
🍑 1 star. this just proves that you can write anything these days and slap the word "daddy" and "forbidden" on it and kindle unlimited is going to be like 👀👀👀👀👀