What do you think?
Rate this book
See-Through Marriage: Experiencing the Freedom and Joy of Being Fully Known and Fully Loved
Marriage ministry speakers and founders of the Fierce Marriage community Ryan and Selena Frederick invite couples into a life of true transparency where they can be fully known and accepted by God, their spouse, and others.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published May 5, 2020
115 people are currently reading
1655 people want to read
About the author
Ryan G. Frederick
9 books67 followersRyan & Selena Frederick are passionate about seeing the gospel change hearts and transform marriages. They believe it’s impossible for relationships to truly thrive outside of the redemptive, saving work of Jesus Christ. As writers they lead a vibrant community of hundreds of thousands of couples through their blog, Fierce Marriage.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
May 4, 2020
Tim Keller once wrote, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” In the book, See-Through Marriage, Ryan and Selena Frederick paint a compelling picture of what it looks like to be fully known and truly loved in the context of one’s marriage.
Total transparency is not exactly a popular idea in the individualized culture of 21st century America, and without even knowing it many people in the church have bought into a privatized view of marriage. Being open and honest about the struggles one is facing in marriage can feel risky, and the authors of See-Through Marriage acknowledge the risk that comes along with sharing the parts of yourself that you’re not proud of, and remind the reader that love is worth the risk.
Through studying various parts of Scripture, personal anecdotes, and the thoughts of experts in the field that have come before them, Ryan and Selena walk through what transparency looks like with oneself (see-through self), with your spouse (see-through marriage), and in gospel communities or small groups (see-through communities).
One thing I really appreciated about this book is that it is clear that the authors themselves practice what they preach. Notably, Ryan shares about a time where he was convicted to share something with his wife about his past that he felt to be shameful. He shares about his internal struggle as he was deciding whether to share or not, after all she would never know if he kept it in.
Ryan and Selena have walked the hard road of transparency in marriage and See-Through Marriage is an invitation to become a fellow traveler on that road. I’d recommend this book to any married person or anyone who desires to be married!
Total transparency is not exactly a popular idea in the individualized culture of 21st century America, and without even knowing it many people in the church have bought into a privatized view of marriage. Being open and honest about the struggles one is facing in marriage can feel risky, and the authors of See-Through Marriage acknowledge the risk that comes along with sharing the parts of yourself that you’re not proud of, and remind the reader that love is worth the risk.
Through studying various parts of Scripture, personal anecdotes, and the thoughts of experts in the field that have come before them, Ryan and Selena walk through what transparency looks like with oneself (see-through self), with your spouse (see-through marriage), and in gospel communities or small groups (see-through communities).
One thing I really appreciated about this book is that it is clear that the authors themselves practice what they preach. Notably, Ryan shares about a time where he was convicted to share something with his wife about his past that he felt to be shameful. He shares about his internal struggle as he was deciding whether to share or not, after all she would never know if he kept it in.
Ryan and Selena have walked the hard road of transparency in marriage and See-Through Marriage is an invitation to become a fellow traveler on that road. I’d recommend this book to any married person or anyone who desires to be married!
June 13, 2025
Well written! Full of Scripture and Biblical principles.
June 24, 2020
Summary: A fulfilling marriage is one that is transparent, about our joys and desires, our past and our failures, where all these things are brought into the light.
This book builds on the idea of 1 John 1:7:
"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
The authors maintain that in marriage, the most fulfilling marriages are honest marriages, where there are no secrets, where couples learn to bring to each other their joys and sorrows, their sins and failures, their desires and preferences. Part of what makes this scary is that we hide what we think will make the other love us less. Yet the vulnerability that tells the truth offers the chance to be loved even more--loved for who we are. Hiding actually distances us from each other.
They explore the lies we tell each other, the ways we hide, and what real transparency looks like. Transparency involves knowing ourselves--spiritually, psychologically, and physically. Transparency leads us into oneness. They explore the implications of this for our sexuality, for our communication, our friendships, and our experience of Christian community.
They face us with a choice:
Being completely known and still completely loved is perhaps the greatest human desire. We long for a connection so deep and so unshakable that no matter who we are or what we do, we will still be counted as lovable. The desire drives us all forward, but not always to the same destination. It either will drive you to present a version of yourself that is more readily loved and accepted by others or will drive you into the shadows in hopes of not being exposed for who you truly are (pp. 46-47).
They tell stories of how they and other couples faced this choice and what it looked like to face fear and step into the light of transparency with each other. They offer questions at the end of each chapter for personal reflection or study together.
The patterns of transparency or hiding that couples develop early in their marriages are vital to the health of a marriage. This seems like a book particularly framed for couples in the early years of marriage, though it can be helpful at any point. This is not so much a book for a marriage in trouble, where the help of a counselor may be important, but rather a book that both prevents problems, and paints a vision of what marriage is meant to be.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
This book builds on the idea of 1 John 1:7:
"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
The authors maintain that in marriage, the most fulfilling marriages are honest marriages, where there are no secrets, where couples learn to bring to each other their joys and sorrows, their sins and failures, their desires and preferences. Part of what makes this scary is that we hide what we think will make the other love us less. Yet the vulnerability that tells the truth offers the chance to be loved even more--loved for who we are. Hiding actually distances us from each other.
They explore the lies we tell each other, the ways we hide, and what real transparency looks like. Transparency involves knowing ourselves--spiritually, psychologically, and physically. Transparency leads us into oneness. They explore the implications of this for our sexuality, for our communication, our friendships, and our experience of Christian community.
They face us with a choice:
Being completely known and still completely loved is perhaps the greatest human desire. We long for a connection so deep and so unshakable that no matter who we are or what we do, we will still be counted as lovable. The desire drives us all forward, but not always to the same destination. It either will drive you to present a version of yourself that is more readily loved and accepted by others or will drive you into the shadows in hopes of not being exposed for who you truly are (pp. 46-47).
They tell stories of how they and other couples faced this choice and what it looked like to face fear and step into the light of transparency with each other. They offer questions at the end of each chapter for personal reflection or study together.
The patterns of transparency or hiding that couples develop early in their marriages are vital to the health of a marriage. This seems like a book particularly framed for couples in the early years of marriage, though it can be helpful at any point. This is not so much a book for a marriage in trouble, where the help of a counselor may be important, but rather a book that both prevents problems, and paints a vision of what marriage is meant to be.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
July 25, 2020
The biggest take away I had from this self-help book was that Jesus loves me so I can bring that knowledge with me as I communicate with my spouse. Knowing I am already loved, the authors state, gives me the freedom to be myself without fear, bring Jesus' love to my spouse, and to know nothing in this world matters more than sharing Jesus with others through my actions and words.
The authors shared personal stories and stories of others that applied to each chapter for examples of lessons learned and what to look for when trying to communicate with your spouse. I learned practical knowledge such as when to effectively communicate with others--don't try to start meaningful conversations when you are tired, need sleep, when you are hungry, or need to focus on work. Do make sure you budget extra time for each other and when you need to talk. Do make sure the world's priorities--getting ahead, getting more stuff, moving up the corporate ladder at all costs--are not your marriage priorites.
Overall, this is a conversational style book by a loving Christian couple who are actively following Christ. Lots of scripture is provided and questions to ask/Bible verse to read together. I would recommend this for Christian couples who attend church and seek to deepen not only their marriage, but also their relationship with Jesus.
The authors shared personal stories and stories of others that applied to each chapter for examples of lessons learned and what to look for when trying to communicate with your spouse. I learned practical knowledge such as when to effectively communicate with others--don't try to start meaningful conversations when you are tired, need sleep, when you are hungry, or need to focus on work. Do make sure you budget extra time for each other and when you need to talk. Do make sure the world's priorities--getting ahead, getting more stuff, moving up the corporate ladder at all costs--are not your marriage priorites.
Overall, this is a conversational style book by a loving Christian couple who are actively following Christ. Lots of scripture is provided and questions to ask/Bible verse to read together. I would recommend this for Christian couples who attend church and seek to deepen not only their marriage, but also their relationship with Jesus.
April 6, 2023
I must confess that I had little expectations of this book ( lately books on marriage seem to be so alike).
I loved the simple message that this book presents! The importance of intimacy, vulnerability and transparency in a marriage, as they call it “ to be fully known”. Everything that is written is from this perspective. Every aspect is biblical based. I really enjoyed this book. The simplicity made it beautiful and helpful
I loved the simple message that this book presents! The importance of intimacy, vulnerability and transparency in a marriage, as they call it “ to be fully known”. Everything that is written is from this perspective. Every aspect is biblical based. I really enjoyed this book. The simplicity made it beautiful and helpful
August 26, 2023
This is one of the purchases from LogosHope ship visits.
The more you keep reading the more it becomes Christianity based knowledge.
I think I’m going to stop at page 137 this was more than enough
If I’m going to learn about marriage I will base it on my religion.
The more you keep reading the more it becomes Christianity based knowledge.
I think I’m going to stop at page 137 this was more than enough
If I’m going to learn about marriage I will base it on my religion.
August 11, 2020
In any marriage, honesty is a given. Couples are expected to be truthful to each other in all things. Put it another way, good marriages have transparency as the key attribute. No secrets. No lies. No hidden agendas. According to marriage counselors Ryan and Selena Frederick, "unfettered transparency rescues relationships, glorifies God, and multiplies joy." Transparency means vulnerability. Vulnerability involves openness and humility. It invites trust. Why is this critical? One major reason is the widespread show-off culture driven by the popularity of social media. This tempts one to pretend one is well by putting forth photos and pictures of what people wanted to see. The authors believe that we live in a culture of what we see is what we expect to get. Marriages too can fall into such falsehood. The challenge is to take meaningful risk by being vulnerable and transparent. Avoid false vulnerability which essentially hides what is important and only displays what is less important. With the central thesis of cultivating a "see-through marriage," the authors lead us through different ways to accomplish that. Using Bible teachings as the key guide, they remind us that we do not need to hide in darkness but to boldly live in the light. Living in the light according to 1 John 1:6-8 contains two promises when we do that: Purification and fellowship. Transparency means not only we not hide from God, we learn not to hide from each other. There is no fear in love. A healthy marriage means we learn to be open with each other instead of hiding things from each other. That means we learn to know ourselves and the identity God has given us. If we are secured in knowing our identity in God, we will not easily compare ourselves with others. They expand on this topic of identity through the physiological self as well as the psychological self. Experiencing oneness is one of the deepest experiences transparency can provide.
My Thoughts
==============
First, the idea of transparency as the key thesis in healthy marriages are deceptively simple. It is tempting to just dismiss this book as another marriage manual. Unlike some marriage books that give us a whole list of do's and don'ts, this book takes the transparency as a big idea and shows us why it is crucial for married couples. Anyone in doubt would probably need to challenge themselves with the series of short questions for them to ask honestly. Questions such as whether they have hidden anything from their spouses in the past and why? When we learn to live in the light, we need to let light shine through us totally, and for our spouses to be able to see the real person in us. Honesty breeds trust. Transparency begets continued openness. Vulnerability dispels suspicions.
Second, this book is unabashedly Christian. The authors are clear with regard to where their primary marriage manual comes from: The Bible. Every chapter is packed with Scriptural truths from which to draw their insights from. Apart from the regular passages on marriage in the New Testament, they also include narratives from Genesis. While this might deter non-Christians to even want to pick up this book, it might be an opportunity for married couples where one is an unbeliever. Being open to the faith is a test of true vulnerability. The Christian faith has withstood the test of time. Even in the most vulnerable first century of persecution, the Church have survived many onslaughts and martyrdom. Perhaps, the believing partner could openly discuss their marriage with their unbelieving partner so that their marriage can be strengthened further. I understand that religious matters can be sensitive. I would argue that if something can help strengthen a marriage, why not?
Third, the true test of transparency is in one's inner sense of security and identity. That is why the authors spent a considerable amount of time on our self-identity. Sometimes, there are couples who think that after marriage, they feel ashamed of selfishness when they focus too much on self-identity. I would then say that they are not necessarily mutually exclusive. We can build up our marriage togetherness without having to sacrifice our own identities. After all, our identities are gifts from God. Our marriage is about being free to commit to the marriage as well as our personal relationship with God. Just because we are married does not mean we jettison our own unique selves. In fact, a strong sense of identity is a valuable asset to any marriage!
I recommend this book for married couples and those contemplating marriage. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter are opportunities for study as well as deeper understanding of each other.
Ryan and Selena Frederick have been married for 17 years and have spent the last seven years ministering to married couples all over the world. They founded "Fierce Marriage" ministry to help married couples work and process through the trials and joys that come with marriage.
Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
My Thoughts
==============
First, the idea of transparency as the key thesis in healthy marriages are deceptively simple. It is tempting to just dismiss this book as another marriage manual. Unlike some marriage books that give us a whole list of do's and don'ts, this book takes the transparency as a big idea and shows us why it is crucial for married couples. Anyone in doubt would probably need to challenge themselves with the series of short questions for them to ask honestly. Questions such as whether they have hidden anything from their spouses in the past and why? When we learn to live in the light, we need to let light shine through us totally, and for our spouses to be able to see the real person in us. Honesty breeds trust. Transparency begets continued openness. Vulnerability dispels suspicions.
Second, this book is unabashedly Christian. The authors are clear with regard to where their primary marriage manual comes from: The Bible. Every chapter is packed with Scriptural truths from which to draw their insights from. Apart from the regular passages on marriage in the New Testament, they also include narratives from Genesis. While this might deter non-Christians to even want to pick up this book, it might be an opportunity for married couples where one is an unbeliever. Being open to the faith is a test of true vulnerability. The Christian faith has withstood the test of time. Even in the most vulnerable first century of persecution, the Church have survived many onslaughts and martyrdom. Perhaps, the believing partner could openly discuss their marriage with their unbelieving partner so that their marriage can be strengthened further. I understand that religious matters can be sensitive. I would argue that if something can help strengthen a marriage, why not?
Third, the true test of transparency is in one's inner sense of security and identity. That is why the authors spent a considerable amount of time on our self-identity. Sometimes, there are couples who think that after marriage, they feel ashamed of selfishness when they focus too much on self-identity. I would then say that they are not necessarily mutually exclusive. We can build up our marriage togetherness without having to sacrifice our own identities. After all, our identities are gifts from God. Our marriage is about being free to commit to the marriage as well as our personal relationship with God. Just because we are married does not mean we jettison our own unique selves. In fact, a strong sense of identity is a valuable asset to any marriage!
I recommend this book for married couples and those contemplating marriage. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter are opportunities for study as well as deeper understanding of each other.
Ryan and Selena Frederick have been married for 17 years and have spent the last seven years ministering to married couples all over the world. They founded "Fierce Marriage" ministry to help married couples work and process through the trials and joys that come with marriage.
Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.
conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.
June 24, 2020
See-Through Marriage guides the reader as they dig through the emotional, physical and/or psychological baggage buried beneath the surface. In See-Through Marriage, that begins with uncovering one’s self first in order to become selfless in a marital relationship. This was one of the things I enjoyed the most about this book, as compared to other marriage books I’ve read, because I believe change must start inward before anything can be accomplished outward. If you think about it, it makes sense – when you are able to understand yourself and essentially why you are the way you are, you will feel more comfortable opening up to your spouse and sharing the depths of your heart. There are several chapters dedicated to discovering and understanding the inner workings of one’s spiritual self through physiological and psychological examination. I found this to be incredibly valuable and gained so much insight as well as wisdom into how I personally think, react and respond emotionally and communicatively.
Another constructive tool used throughout See-Through Marriage is the sharing of personal stories as well as testimonies from other couples who have experienced (or are currently experiencing) marital challenges. The testimonies encourage the reader to communicate their own marital struggles with a confidant, counselor, or their spouse while reminding the reader they are not alone in their fight to seek spiritual oneness with their spouse. While this adds a “me too” relatability to the book, the authors fall short on openly disclosing their own struggles and instead lean on the stories of others to carry the weight of martial transparency.**
See-Through Marriage is a book strongly rooted in biblical truth and does not shy away from tackling some tough topics including cultivating a healthy sex-life, mastering various forms of communication, establishing and maintaining friendships, amongst others. See-Through Marriage is a practical and applicable book for married couples in all seasons of life, but I think it is especially valuable for engaged couples who are undergoing pre-marital counseling. Because there are discussion questions at the end of each chapter, I would also recommend See-Through Marriage to be read as a small group or alongside your spouse. Whatever stage your relationship may be in, See-Through Marriage will help lead you out of the dark and into the light so you can experience the freedom of being fully known and deeply loved.
* I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review
**(Note: I have not read Fierce Marriage nor have I followed or listened to the Fierce Marriage podcast prior to reading See-Through Marriage. It is possible and perhaps likely that the Fredericks have shared their story more vulnerably through these platforms. I did not previously know anything about this couple prior to reading See-Through Marriage and after reading this book about transparency I feel I still do not have much depth or insight into the authors as individuals and as a couple.)
Another constructive tool used throughout See-Through Marriage is the sharing of personal stories as well as testimonies from other couples who have experienced (or are currently experiencing) marital challenges. The testimonies encourage the reader to communicate their own marital struggles with a confidant, counselor, or their spouse while reminding the reader they are not alone in their fight to seek spiritual oneness with their spouse. While this adds a “me too” relatability to the book, the authors fall short on openly disclosing their own struggles and instead lean on the stories of others to carry the weight of martial transparency.**
See-Through Marriage is a book strongly rooted in biblical truth and does not shy away from tackling some tough topics including cultivating a healthy sex-life, mastering various forms of communication, establishing and maintaining friendships, amongst others. See-Through Marriage is a practical and applicable book for married couples in all seasons of life, but I think it is especially valuable for engaged couples who are undergoing pre-marital counseling. Because there are discussion questions at the end of each chapter, I would also recommend See-Through Marriage to be read as a small group or alongside your spouse. Whatever stage your relationship may be in, See-Through Marriage will help lead you out of the dark and into the light so you can experience the freedom of being fully known and deeply loved.
* I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review
**(Note: I have not read Fierce Marriage nor have I followed or listened to the Fierce Marriage podcast prior to reading See-Through Marriage. It is possible and perhaps likely that the Fredericks have shared their story more vulnerably through these platforms. I did not previously know anything about this couple prior to reading See-Through Marriage and after reading this book about transparency I feel I still do not have much depth or insight into the authors as individuals and as a couple.)
May 16, 2020
From the opening page until the ending Bible quote, the Fredericks encourage us to go forth and live our lives for God and each other. More than that, they take us on a journey through their marriage. They present us with a roadmap for our marital journey, showing us how to move from living hidden lives to living transparently. The roadmap they present is fully supported by Biblical truths, shared with raw honesty, and filled with insights learned as they apply these methods within their marriage. This book presents a way of living true Biblical transparency as opposed to the societal norm of false transparency.
As Ryan and Selena take us through their case for living transparently, they pepper their concepts with deep biblical truths and applicable examples. They end each chapter with a section of the Bible to read with your spouse, followed by discussion questions. If you are not married, you can work through these questions with any important person in your life.
I have been married for 22 years and there was a time that, while we loved each other, we weren’t connecting. We had a huge wake-up call which started a process to re-connect and renew our marriage. During this time, I found Ryan and Selena’s podcast “Fierce Marriage”. While it helped me to initiate and stick with hard conversations, reading this book showed me WHY those conversations were so hard for me. I didn’t know how to communicate transparently, and without fear. I didn’t know myself and my motivations well enough to communicate what I was feeling and thinking.
The power in this book (besides the obvious Grace and Mercy of God working through it) is in how they don’t assume anything about where we are in our walk with Christ. They start from the smallest of seeds (ourselves) so that we know who we are in God’s eyes. Before we can be truly transparent to others, we have to work on ourselves - by knowing our spiritual, physiological, psychological selves. With that foundation, we can now start working on our marriage and relationships with others. Only then will we have the tools and ability to be see-through to others. This is why this book is more than just a “marriage book”. It’s a relationship book.
No matter what season of life you currently are in, this book will help you become a better Christian person, a better friend, and a better spouse. This book has been a blessing to me. My marital tool belt is better equipped to keep Christ in the center of our marriage and to be open and transparent and live in the joy of the light of Christ with my husband.
As Ryan and Selena take us through their case for living transparently, they pepper their concepts with deep biblical truths and applicable examples. They end each chapter with a section of the Bible to read with your spouse, followed by discussion questions. If you are not married, you can work through these questions with any important person in your life.
I have been married for 22 years and there was a time that, while we loved each other, we weren’t connecting. We had a huge wake-up call which started a process to re-connect and renew our marriage. During this time, I found Ryan and Selena’s podcast “Fierce Marriage”. While it helped me to initiate and stick with hard conversations, reading this book showed me WHY those conversations were so hard for me. I didn’t know how to communicate transparently, and without fear. I didn’t know myself and my motivations well enough to communicate what I was feeling and thinking.
The power in this book (besides the obvious Grace and Mercy of God working through it) is in how they don’t assume anything about where we are in our walk with Christ. They start from the smallest of seeds (ourselves) so that we know who we are in God’s eyes. Before we can be truly transparent to others, we have to work on ourselves - by knowing our spiritual, physiological, psychological selves. With that foundation, we can now start working on our marriage and relationships with others. Only then will we have the tools and ability to be see-through to others. This is why this book is more than just a “marriage book”. It’s a relationship book.
No matter what season of life you currently are in, this book will help you become a better Christian person, a better friend, and a better spouse. This book has been a blessing to me. My marital tool belt is better equipped to keep Christ in the center of our marriage and to be open and transparent and live in the joy of the light of Christ with my husband.
May 3, 2020
I’ve been following the Fredericks and their ministry, Fierce Marriage, on social media for some time and occasionally listen to their podcasts, but this is the first of their books I’ve read. I’ve been on a reading spree of Christian marriage books in the past few months, but this one felt different from the norm. While most books within this sub-genre of non-fiction focus on marriage as a whole and pack a ton of information into a few hundred pages, the Fredericks narrow their focus to transparency and vulnerability with your spouse. The subtitle for this is “Experiencing the Freedom and Joy of Being Fully Known and Fully Loved”. When we set out to say “I do”, that’s the ultimate goal of marriage. However, these concepts are much easier said than done and luckily, this book delves deep into these topics.
Throughout the book, many different books, chapters and verses of the Bible are related to the topics of transparency and vulnerability. I’ve read many Christian non-fiction books that focus on one specific book or passage of the Bible, so it was nice to see the authors relate the entirety of the Bible to demonstrate the will of God. The foundations of marriage, communication, and intimacy all covered within a Biblical lens and expanded upon with research and personal stories. I much appreciated the discussion of barriers to transparency and excuses to avoid them. I also enjoyed the focuses on introspection and communication to determine where your marriage needs extra attention to achieve true transparency. The Fredericks conclude the book with discussion about outside support for marriages and the importance of being able to rely on other Bible believing Christians to aid you in your daily walk together.
The end of each chapter has questions for further study and discussion with your spouse. The questions encourage couples to read sections of the Bible and apply them to their lives, as well as to think critically and apply the things discussed within each chapter. I look forward to purchasing the finished copy of this book and reading it along with my husband. I learned a great deal from this book and know those lessons and skills will only be enriched though intimate discussion with him in the future.
A huge thank you to Netgalley for providing an advanced reader copy of this title as an ebook for review, all opinions are my own.
Throughout the book, many different books, chapters and verses of the Bible are related to the topics of transparency and vulnerability. I’ve read many Christian non-fiction books that focus on one specific book or passage of the Bible, so it was nice to see the authors relate the entirety of the Bible to demonstrate the will of God. The foundations of marriage, communication, and intimacy all covered within a Biblical lens and expanded upon with research and personal stories. I much appreciated the discussion of barriers to transparency and excuses to avoid them. I also enjoyed the focuses on introspection and communication to determine where your marriage needs extra attention to achieve true transparency. The Fredericks conclude the book with discussion about outside support for marriages and the importance of being able to rely on other Bible believing Christians to aid you in your daily walk together.
The end of each chapter has questions for further study and discussion with your spouse. The questions encourage couples to read sections of the Bible and apply them to their lives, as well as to think critically and apply the things discussed within each chapter. I look forward to purchasing the finished copy of this book and reading it along with my husband. I learned a great deal from this book and know those lessons and skills will only be enriched though intimate discussion with him in the future.
A huge thank you to Netgalley for providing an advanced reader copy of this title as an ebook for review, all opinions are my own.
July 1, 2020
The Fredericks offer a compelling vision of what it means to live in a committed married relationship in "See-Through Marriage." This book provides inspiration for couples to live honestly with one another in order that their marriage might testify to God and His grace present in the married relationship.
This book could be applied more widely though. If the Fredericks had first developed a theology of See-Through Relationships and then applied this theology to various relationships, including that of marriage, the book could impact a wider audience. Marriage is an important part of many people's lives and for Christians, should be viewed through a Christ-filtered lens. Many people are not married though and could benefit from the advice in these pages. The idea of living in see-through relationships could be applied to friendships, church fellowships, work relationships, and parenting as well.
There are also a couple places where it seems they misrepresent themselves and orthodox faith. For instance, on page 42, the Fredericks speak about becoming light walkers - walking in the presence of God in their relationships. They state, "Your marriage is the main way by which all three of these are realized." when speaking of fellowship with one's self, one's spouse, and others. It would be better stated that God's church is the main way we can realize fellowship in these three areas. The Fredericks do seem to think this, but elevate marriage more highly than maybe they intend at this point.
The Fredericks do accomplish their goal of helping married couples understand how they might more fully know and love one another. Unfortunately, there are some missteps along the way and their overall argument could impact more lives if they considered how to apply it to the myriad of relationships in which people find themselves.
I received this book from the publisher in return for an honest review.
This book could be applied more widely though. If the Fredericks had first developed a theology of See-Through Relationships and then applied this theology to various relationships, including that of marriage, the book could impact a wider audience. Marriage is an important part of many people's lives and for Christians, should be viewed through a Christ-filtered lens. Many people are not married though and could benefit from the advice in these pages. The idea of living in see-through relationships could be applied to friendships, church fellowships, work relationships, and parenting as well.
There are also a couple places where it seems they misrepresent themselves and orthodox faith. For instance, on page 42, the Fredericks speak about becoming light walkers - walking in the presence of God in their relationships. They state, "Your marriage is the main way by which all three of these are realized." when speaking of fellowship with one's self, one's spouse, and others. It would be better stated that God's church is the main way we can realize fellowship in these three areas. The Fredericks do seem to think this, but elevate marriage more highly than maybe they intend at this point.
The Fredericks do accomplish their goal of helping married couples understand how they might more fully know and love one another. Unfortunately, there are some missteps along the way and their overall argument could impact more lives if they considered how to apply it to the myriad of relationships in which people find themselves.
I received this book from the publisher in return for an honest review.
June 27, 2020
If you are married, then this is a book that you probably want or need to read. I had barely started reading when I felt my toes getting stepped on. Majorly. This couple speaks with such an honest, frank manner, showing how to have a better marriage. Giving examples from their own lives, sharing stories. Showing from Scripture what God wants of us.
I loved the word picture shown, we are to be like stained glass windows. Each piece, on it's own, is nothing. Without light shining through, it is nothing. Put them all together, and shine that LIGHT through, and it becomes a stunning masterpiece. That is what God wants from His children.
Am I willing to be transparent enough that His light can shine through me? What do I need to change, what areas do I need to grow in, to make this happen?
This is one of those books that needs to be read, and then shelved for a time, and then read again. And again. Until the message permeates all the cracks and crevices of my core.
Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review, and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
I loved the word picture shown, we are to be like stained glass windows. Each piece, on it's own, is nothing. Without light shining through, it is nothing. Put them all together, and shine that LIGHT through, and it becomes a stunning masterpiece. That is what God wants from His children.
Am I willing to be transparent enough that His light can shine through me? What do I need to change, what areas do I need to grow in, to make this happen?
This is one of those books that needs to be read, and then shelved for a time, and then read again. And again. Until the message permeates all the cracks and crevices of my core.
Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review, and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
April 29, 2020
Raw, Relatable, Redemptive.
In See-Through Marriage, Ryan and Selena go back and forth between raw and relatable stories that draw you in and allow you to realize you’re not alone, and deep theological truths that have redemptive power to restore marriages (in every chapter there are both aspects). They back up every point with Scripture and are not afraid to shout their love for the Lord and for each other. Just by applying even one or two points in this book, your marriage will be transformed - mine has.
It will bring you closer to the Lord, closer to yourself, and closer to your spouse in ways you didn’t even know you needed, but is extremely healing in all areas. It will take a good marriage to great, bad marriage to so much better, and a great marriage to even greater, even if only one spouse is willing to read. No matter where you’re at in your season, whether you’re newly engaged, or have been married for 5 years or 50, you need this book.
In See-Through Marriage, Ryan and Selena go back and forth between raw and relatable stories that draw you in and allow you to realize you’re not alone, and deep theological truths that have redemptive power to restore marriages (in every chapter there are both aspects). They back up every point with Scripture and are not afraid to shout their love for the Lord and for each other. Just by applying even one or two points in this book, your marriage will be transformed - mine has.
It will bring you closer to the Lord, closer to yourself, and closer to your spouse in ways you didn’t even know you needed, but is extremely healing in all areas. It will take a good marriage to great, bad marriage to so much better, and a great marriage to even greater, even if only one spouse is willing to read. No matter where you’re at in your season, whether you’re newly engaged, or have been married for 5 years or 50, you need this book.
April 30, 2020
"We live in a time when vulnerability is stylish but true transparency is exceedingly rare."Ryan and Selena are at it again with their latest book, See-Through Marriage! Back at what? Convicting married couples around the world of their need for Christ to be at the centre of their relationships, and lovingly explaining how a marriage can flourish from such a foundation. As they put it themselves in the book, "We’re here to point your eyes to Jesus to see your truest identity as one of God’s beloved children. Then, by reminding you of whose you are, we hope to point you down the path of transparency— in life and in your marriage."See-Through Marriage contains 15 chapters, each ending with some questions for personal reflection and/or discussion. The Fredericks did a great job at writing this book to be easy to read and understand. This book will be a powerful tool in your marriage whether you read it on your own, as a couple, or in a group study.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 13, 2020
See-Through Marriage is an important book with a timely message for all marriages. In a time in which it is becoming the norm to show only the best parts of our lives on social media, it is also becoming easier to justify only showing the best parts of your life to your spouse. This, by nature, leaves you hiding parts of your marriage from your partner and begins to place a chasm between the two which should be one. By shining the light of the gospel, Ryan and Selena Frederick take their readers on a journey which will show the imperative nature of transparency in every aspect of a marriage.
Dealing with topics ranging from sex-life to community, Ryan and Selena show why true, Biblical transparency not only aids in relationship growth but it is the only way a marriage can fulfill the calling God has called it to. Anyone looking to grow closer as a couple would do well to embrace what’s written in this book. Get it. You won’t be disappointed.
Dealing with topics ranging from sex-life to community, Ryan and Selena show why true, Biblical transparency not only aids in relationship growth but it is the only way a marriage can fulfill the calling God has called it to. Anyone looking to grow closer as a couple would do well to embrace what’s written in this book. Get it. You won’t be disappointed.
May 6, 2020
This book is an easy read with many practical tips on how to be better seen as a person and in your marriage. The authors have many funny stories to keep the reader engaged and ready to read more. I felt like the authors were speaking directly to me at many times. The authors are able to point you where to look into the Bible for more references. From the beginning where the authors say, "You and I are colorful, odd-shaped bits of glass arranged in God's stained-glass masterpiece of creation.", they had me wanting to read more and see how I can be better seen through in my marriage. My husband and I struggled last year and this book has made me think more carefully about what I need to do to be more seen through by him and God. This is an absolute must read if you need any help being guided to being better seen by your spouse.
May 31, 2020
I just received #seethroughmarriage by @fiercemarriage 🌟
I’m only a few chapters in and loving it so far!
Transparency is one of the biggest foundations of our marriage, and when I saw See-Through Marriage, I knew I wanted to get it because it’s such an important part of a healthy marriage. I wanted to be able to walk engaged and married couples through the “how-to” of transparency and vulnerability and this book delivers! It’s great for small groups, Pre-marital counseling, and accountability partners. I really enjoy the discussion questions at the end of each chapter. You’ll grow in the knowledge of your husband or wife and produce a lasting fruit in your marriage of encouraging one another in your walk with the Lord.
Thank you to Baker Books for this copy. My opinions are my own.
I’m only a few chapters in and loving it so far!
Transparency is one of the biggest foundations of our marriage, and when I saw See-Through Marriage, I knew I wanted to get it because it’s such an important part of a healthy marriage. I wanted to be able to walk engaged and married couples through the “how-to” of transparency and vulnerability and this book delivers! It’s great for small groups, Pre-marital counseling, and accountability partners. I really enjoy the discussion questions at the end of each chapter. You’ll grow in the knowledge of your husband or wife and produce a lasting fruit in your marriage of encouraging one another in your walk with the Lord.
Thank you to Baker Books for this copy. My opinions are my own.
May 4, 2020
We live in an era that professes to value transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability. But how can we truly be seen, known, understood, and still loved as broken humans joined together in marriage? Ryan and Selena share openly and honestly about their own marriage journey. Their conversational style, true-to-life examples of failing and successful marriages, and practical study questions to review with your spouse after each chapter make this book's message cohesive and immediately applicable. All Christian couples should read and implement the truths found in this wonderful resource by the creators of Fierce Marriage.
own-wont-read
May 4, 2020This is entirely my own fault. I saw this on the giveaway list and thought, "In the time of quarantine especially, it can't hurt to learn a little better communication in my marriage." It wasn't until I received the actual book that I picked up on the clues that this takes a biblical and gospel-centered approach to marriage. I wouldn't have entered the giveaway if I'd noticed that. It's 100% not of interest to me. However, I do have a Little Free Library and I'll put the book in it in the hopes that it will get picked up by someone for whom this method will be appropriate. I'm sorry I can't offer the authors a review, but at least I might find them a reader.
May 8, 2020
Ryan and Selena are transparent and honest about the lessons God has taught them throughout their marriage. You might say they are see-through! The struggles they share are shared by many who may feel that is "just the way marriage is" and struggle on or give up.
One of my favorite lines in the book is "Comparison crushes everyone involved." Many people have heard about the danger of "keeping up with the Joneses" in material things, but too many times, we fall into the trap of comparing what we see in others social media feeds (images) to our lives. That crushes us, but trying to portray the "perfect life" also crushes us.
One of my favorite lines in the book is "Comparison crushes everyone involved." Many people have heard about the danger of "keeping up with the Joneses" in material things, but too many times, we fall into the trap of comparing what we see in others social media feeds (images) to our lives. That crushes us, but trying to portray the "perfect life" also crushes us.
April 27, 2020
I listen to Ryan and Selena Frederick’s podcast Fierce Marriage quite often . I really enjoyed reading this book as part of the Launch Team before its release date .( May 5th) it is full of useful information and it is thought provoking. I believe this book will be beneficial to any couple looking to have a deeper connection with their spouse, especially if your spouse is willing to go through it along with you .
June 26, 2020
This book had challenging writing and compelling to read with that also had a best interesting of the most power of marriage with sharing from their marriage story with this book will guide and help to be more understanding each other and the more intimacy you have meaning the more love with the happiness you will have in marriage life. I highly recommend to everyone must read this book. “ I received complimentary a copy of this book from Baker Books Bloggers for this review”.
i-have-it-to-read
December 5, 2020Where I live there is divorce everywhere. I wonder if it is because a couple stops sharing because they lost that transparent quality of lovers. It is sad but lack of communication kills every kind of relationship, not just marriages. Isolation in your own home may appear and strangers living under the same roof is something common. I´m glad this resource exists, hopefully, it is not just on a shelf but lived out by many.
December 15, 2024
3.5 stars. Really enjoyed most of the book, second quarter of it was a bit slow for me. I especially liked the last 25% as it talked about the importance of community to our marriages. Overall, this taught me a lot about myself and my need to become more transparent.
September 24, 2025
Good book about marriage. I read it with my discipleship group from church.
“To be loved, but not known as comforting, but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God” -Tim Keller quoted in this book.
“To be loved, but not known as comforting, but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God” -Tim Keller quoted in this book.
May 1, 2020
Great book full of scripture based advise on how to live a transparent life. Great for newlyweds and those more seasoned in marriage.
February 22, 2021
Really good book on transparency and marriage!
January 8, 2022
This book hit right at home on several topics in currently dealing with. I felt as though they were looking right into my brain. I hope I can use some of these tools to help make my marriage better.
March 13, 2022
Enjoyed this. Theologically strong and also personal and compelling
April 6, 2022
Great book that every married couple should read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews