i. am. so. upset.
hi! welcome to my rant review! please grab your popcorn and candy now😋oh and if you liked this book…look away now bestie, this review is not for you.
first things first…this book doesn’t even deserve one star, but here we are. the wait for this review is over hehe, enjoy!<33
thanks to parker s huntington and her ridiculous 700 page long, thick ass book…i’m now in a reading AND review slump. parker added that “this book may contain triggers” uh yeah! trigger warning: this book is terrible, may cause a reading slump, may die of boredom, etc. on a serious note the only trigger in there is sexual assault, but don’t worry you won’t have to read about it because i will be thoroughly convincing everyone NOT to read this book<3
you guys wanna hear the most funniest thing about this whole book!? at the beginning…there’s a note from the author and she was saying how it took her so long to finish this book. she scrapped the entire thing and started over and then finally…one day…it all just clicked. bahahahaha GIRL…WHAT EXACTLY CLICKED!? cuz it wasn’t any part of this book😳this is so harsh omg. i’m sure parker s huntington is a lovely person! i do give her props for writing a 700 page book too…i could never.
♡ playlist:
the only successful thing the author did was trap me with some of the songs listed on this playlist…
not about angels - birdy
a drop in the ocean - ron pope
skinny love - birdy
out of the woods- taylor swift
somewhere with you - kenny chesney
lover - taylor swift
ocean eyes - billie eilish
~~~first of all…who had blue eyes?! i don’t remember either of the mc’s having blue eyes LMAO. also when i finished this book…i immediately questioned why these songs were even put on the playlist. none of these fit with this story. i expected to SOB, but nope! :D the only sad thing about this whole experience was that i spent $20 on this book and then read all 700 pages.
okay where do i even begin with a book that i hated so much? hm let’s see…
♡ the lovely plot:
a whole lot of nothing. so we have emery who’s 22 and nash who’s 32. basically…the book starts with emery at age 15 and nash at age 25. emery is in love with nash’s younger brother, reed. he’s the same age as emery. reed has a gf tho so she can’t do anything about it. you kind of get these vibes that nash cares for emery and then we skip time and she’s now 18 and he’s 28. reed broke up with his gf so emery takes it upon herself to sneak into reed’s bedroom to have sex with him. the lights are off, it’s completely dark right. guys she ends up sleeping with nash. what kind of shit? like i’m sorry how is it that y’all don’t know who you’re having sex with especially when they’re literally TALKING. you’re telling me this girl was supposedly in love with reed, but she couldn’t tell that he’s not the guy she was having sex with? let’s bffr. then we skip time again to when emery is 22 and nash is 32. his dad died of a heart attack and he blames emery and her family and calls them all murderers and seeks to get revenge against her and her family. yeah. that’s the plot. a supposed “enemies to lovers” romance. garbage. boo boo caca. SEVEN HUNDRED PAGES OF THIS. why. just, why. who lied and said this book was good and ready to be sold…i wanna know. let’s talk. i have so many questions because if it were up to me…this book would not have seen the light of day.
♡ the writing:
so fucking inconsistent. the majority of the writing was so cringe that it felt like i was reading something worse than a wattpad story and then very little of the writing was good. parker…sweetie, PICK ONE! damn😭omg and then i felt like there was not a lot of dialogue. “but kendyl…the book was 700 pages, how can that be?” there was so much pointless shit…that’s what made this book so long was because you’re basically in the characters fucking heads and reading a bunch of their stupid thoughts. guys it was so bad that when characters were having conversations…i’d forget what the conversation was about because there would be so much shit in between the actual dialogue if that makes any sense. just a bunch of monologues put together. ALSO, the story would pick up from a different place and confuse the fuck out of me. like the beginning of a chapter would pick up exactly where the previous chapter ended and then during the chapters it would like change…it was so fucking backwards, i can’t even explain it. i won’t lie…i skimmed A LOT of this book. i found myself just reading the dialogue so that’s my secret on how i finished this 700 page book so quickly.
♡ the spice:
he put a cabinet knob in her ass. guys. i seriously cannot lmao. he also put the tip of a golf putter inside of her while they were at a golf course…why. oh he also calls her “tiger” and “little tiger”. it’s supposed to be this cute thing with some kind of poetic meaning behind it, but no. just no. i didn’t like it.
“you taste fucking wet to me, tiger, and i know you didn’t get wet for yourself.”
~~~alright. that’s enough. i don’t think i have to say much more about how terrible the spice was in this book.
♡ side characters:
i could not tell you guys a single thing about them. all i want to say is that every time nash or emery talked to the side characters…i would seriously skim and not take in anything of what they were saying because it was so boring. i didn’t understand why these characters were even written. definitely another reason why this book was so long. emery and nash might as well have been side characters too because i felt no connection to them. i didn’t sense any kind of chemistry either. how did i finish this book😩
♡ a good laugh:
“her nipples were hard as fuck, and they pointed right at me like two tiny sorting hats choosing my lips as their hogwarts house.”
~~~HELP ME LMAO. this had me literally gasping for air😂😂😂no wait the author wrote this…reread it and was like “oh yeah i ate”💀pls i’m crying. can you guys now understand why this book was so painfully long…because why not just say her nipples were hard and leave it at that or maybe just shut the fuck up? idk.
“i finished college and knew the ins and outs of anal while she still thought she pees and fucks from the same hole.”
~~~oh yeah this is nash talking about their 10 year age gap. i simply cannot w him. oh and the way that he literally just had to keep informing the readers how big his dick is…like i’m about to cut it off if you don’t shut up rn 🔪
♡ emery:
i hate her. i really do. she had this thing where she would talk about words that made me feel stupid because i never heard them before. probably parker’s way of trying to make her writing aesthetic, but it was just so annoying. words like finifugal, tacenda, querencia, ya’aburnee, lagom, and so much more. don’t get me wrong…i love learning new words, but this was just not it. the way parker used these words literally didn’t make any sense. it was so random and it was supposed to make sense with the story, but the story itself didn’t make any sense so it was just a clusterfuck of confusion. like babes, please learn to walk before you run idk.
“by the time we fell asleep, i’d planted flowers in nash’s graveyard of haunted memories. wilted ones, because those were me. and he watered them with stormwater, because that was him.”
~~~girl wtf are you talking about😭
“it threw me off balance. i recovered slowly, like i’d suffered a career ending injury. kobe and his torn achilles. beckham and his snapped achilles. durant and his torn achilles. why are all these motherfuckers injuring their goddamn achilles?”
~~~you see…this is the shit i also couldn’t stand. these characters would say things like this. it just drags out what they’re originally trying to say, but by the end of what they’re saying…i wouldn’t even comprehend what they were trying to say because my comprehension was buried with all this nonsense. i swear this book should have only been a 150 page novella…or just not written at all :D
♡ nash
idk if i hate nash or emery more. when this man started talking about fate and destiny…omg it was so repetitive. he would talk about fate and destiny and give a bunch of different definitions trying to be poetic. it was the cringiest thing ever. like okay…i get it😭
“i wanted to raze it all to the ground. destroy his daughter. steal his money. break his friends. tear down his neighbors. kidnap the damned golden retriever.”
~~~oooooo i’m so scared. ladies and gentlemen…nash’s revenge plot against emery and her family for “killing” his dad even tho his dad died of a heart attack. nash trying to be a villian was so bad. the least scariest fictional character i’ve ever read about.
nash had so much potential to be a swoon worthy man, but the author royally screwed him over. i can’t even be mad at the characters lmao it all goes back to the author’s poor writing.
♡ final thoughts:
besties…i read these 700 pages so you don’t have to. if it’s on your tbr…please think about removing it because it is not worth the time. this book had a lot of potential to be good, but i just felt that literally nothing was going on the ENTIRE book. what made me fume the most was that emery and nash had sex and they both didn’t know it was them they were having sex with. emery and nash were also in an elevator, the lights were out and she didn’t know it was nash she was talking to. then for YEARS they were talking to each other anonymously on this texting app. they have basically known each other their whole lives, they literally grew up together because their families were close and you’re telling me that those three instances…you didn’t know it was him and vice versa?! please bffr😭i just can’t. then the worst part is they just concluded all of that to be fate😂i laugh.
“you fucked me thinking i was someone else?” my hypocrisy was lost on me. so what if i thought he was his brother? it was different. i was in love. he thought i was a married woman. okay, we both mistook one another for other people, but for my sanity’s sake, i needed to believe we were different.
~~~a mess. a whole mess! how is it different? oh because you’re so in love with his brother? girl get some help😭please, i beg. if you’re so in love then it definitely should’ve been you who figured out you weren’t fucking the right brother. but ANYWAYS. yeah. 1 star. i’d rate this negative stars if i could.
🥳i’m finally free!
this book brought out a side of me that doesn’t show a lot because my average rating for the books i read is around 4.25 stars. this review is so bad and poorly written, but at least it matches this book perfectly. i’m sorry it took so long for me to finally put up this review, but this book was just so bad that i seriously thought about not even writing a review for this one, but because ily all sm, here it is and i hope you enjoyed!😙now i need to recover and get out of this reading slump😩
♡♡♡:
oh hi…are you guys still here? all of that was a lot, but if you made it this far…i will be telling you guys the very few things i liked. don’t let any of this convince you to read this chunky book. i’ll quote all the good stuff for you to read here instead of reading 700 pages just to be disappointed in the end😩
like i said earlier…nash had so much potential. one of the main things i liked was that at the beginning of the book. nash beats the shit out of a guy who sexually assaulted emery…of course emery thought it was reed who did that for her, but no.
♡ scenes:
i remembered that night.
broken nose, rib, and leg. separated collar bone. dislocated shoulder. the scar on able's forehead i liked to smirk at.
"that was you?" i whispered to him. nash nodded. once.
“why?" my murmur went unnoticed by reed and betty. nash, however, never looked away from me.
"he hurt you."
~~~i actually loved this little scene and it made me feel like i was reading a totally different book.
nash’s hands shot out and steadied me when a car rounded the corner too closely.
my heart punched at my chest, rendering me too useless to protest as he swapped our positions, so he walked on the street side.
~~~this little gesture will always get me. i could’ve
swooned over this man, but nope.
i just want to know who wrote these little scenes because it couldn’t have been parker…this is why i said earlier in my review that she needed to pick a writing style. if she stuck with this one…the book would’ve been way better. there were other little gestures and scenes and maybe a few quotes i liked, but let’s just leave it at this because going back into my memories to dig for what i liked about this book is an actual chore and pointless when i know after i post this review…all will be forgotten. this little section was just for those who were curious about what i kinda liked about this book.
ps: i need to check my rating for darling venom because i think i rated it 5 stars and i remember liking it, but after reading this book i seriously can’t imagine myself liking any of her books💀
pre review:
parker s huntington…SIDE. EYE.
y’all are not ready for the review i’m about to give for this book. i will never forgive myself for not dnfing. there were definitely some swoon worthy moments…but this romance book had absolutely no business being 700 pages.
the review will be up sometime tomorrow! i’m too annoyed to write it rn🥲🥲
pre read (before disaster):
♡ the blurb: “welcome to eastridge. enter if you dare…”
now that is how you get someone to read your book! i’ve never been more intrigued🫣like yes…give me nothing, but just enough to make me wanna read it asap😋i feel like i’ve never gone into a book this blind. i’m soo excited🤭
is it a romance? dark romance?? a mystery??? i cannot wait to find out😗
ALSO WHY IS THIS BOOK 700 PAGES!?!?!?!?