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The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Humor (2020)With laugh-out-loud funny parenting observations, the New York Times bestselling author and award-winning comedian delivers a book that is perfect for anyone who has ever raised a child, been a child, or refuses to stop acting like one.In 2016 comedian Mike Birbiglia and poet Jennifer Hope Stein took their fourteen-month-old daughter Oona to the Nantucket Film Festival. When the festival director picked them up at the airport she asked Mike if he would perform at the storytelling night. She said, "The theme of the stories is jealousy."Jen quipped, "You're jealous of Oona. You should talk about that."And so Mike began sharing some of his darkest and funniest thoughts about the decision to have a child. Jen and Mike revealed to each other their sides of what had gone down during Jen's pregnancy and that first year with their child. Over the next couple years, these stories evolved into a Broadway show, and the more Mike performed it the more he heard how it resonated—not just with parents but also people who resist all kinds of change.So he pored over his journals, dug deeper, and created this The New Painfully True Stories From a Reluctant Dad. Along with hilarious and poignant stories he has never shared before, these pages are sprinkled with poetry Jen wrote as she navigated the same rocky shores of new parenthood.So here it is. This book is an experiment—sort of like a family.
257 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 16, 2020
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15838 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 985 reviews
July 29, 2020
Before I start complaining, let me say that J. Hope Stein is a beautiful poet and I am so glad I got to know her work through a New York Times article and this book. Also Mike Birbiglia is very funny. I laughed aloud so much.
But, I will say that this book falls into the typical parenting roles of cliche:
Mother: Insists on having a kid. Apologizes for child's existence. Does everything. (Arguably, does too much, to the risk of her own [mental] health.) Resents father not doing anything.
Father: Does (almost) nothing. What does, does poorly. Resents bond between mother and child. Feels left out.
It's tale as old as time. In the 50s, the excuse was that men were out earning. For Birgiglia, he's out working, too, but added to the issue is the man-child who wants to have his couch to himself and then is upset he doesn't "bond" enough with the kid.
It feels like in the 21th century, people ought to have learned that if you want to feel a connection to someone, you have to do something for them. There's a bit where Jen (his wife) is able to multitask diapering, while Mike cowers in a closet over the idea of bathing the baby. It's hard not to shout, "Grow up and change a diaper! Women aren't born with magic diapering skills, you know, and why should you be proud of your ignorance and incompetence? "
When Mike does do something (he makes up silly songs when the baby cries), he begins to feel closer to the baby. When he takes her out to eat pizza as a toddler, he finds a connection with her. That! Do that!
And I get that I may be taking the whole thing too serious, falling into my own cliche of "backseat judgey parenting," especially when Mike's job is to tell jokes, perhaps exaggerating things for comic effect, but it feels a little like "The Lockhorns" by way of the The New York Times .
But, I will say that this book falls into the typical parenting roles of cliche:
Mother: Insists on having a kid. Apologizes for child's existence. Does everything. (Arguably, does too much, to the risk of her own [mental] health.) Resents father not doing anything.
Father: Does (almost) nothing. What does, does poorly. Resents bond between mother and child. Feels left out.
It's tale as old as time. In the 50s, the excuse was that men were out earning. For Birgiglia, he's out working, too, but added to the issue is the man-child who wants to have his couch to himself and then is upset he doesn't "bond" enough with the kid.
It feels like in the 21th century, people ought to have learned that if you want to feel a connection to someone, you have to do something for them. There's a bit where Jen (his wife) is able to multitask diapering, while Mike cowers in a closet over the idea of bathing the baby. It's hard not to shout, "Grow up and change a diaper! Women aren't born with magic diapering skills, you know, and why should you be proud of your ignorance and incompetence? "
When Mike does do something (he makes up silly songs when the baby cries), he begins to feel closer to the baby. When he takes her out to eat pizza as a toddler, he finds a connection with her. That! Do that!
And I get that I may be taking the whole thing too serious, falling into my own cliche of "backseat judgey parenting," especially when Mike's job is to tell jokes, perhaps exaggerating things for comic effect, but it feels a little like "The Lockhorns" by way of the The New York Times .
May 6, 2020
This little book is a fun, sometimes poignant, always funny, joy of a read. Whether you have kids, want kids, don’t want kids, don’t know yet or don’t even care about kids- this book has something for everyone.
You may know Mike Birbiglia from his comedy shows and specials, his book and award-winning comedy rather film Sleepwalk With Me, his contributions to The Moth and This American Life, or maybe just as that dude from that show (a reoccurring role on Orange is the New Black, guest appearances on Broad City, Girls, etc. Look him up, you’ll remember that face!) but in this book- which is based of his same named comedy special and Broadway show, he writes about his relationship with his wife Jen and their eventual decision to have a child. Also interspersed among the chapters are poems from Jen (who has long published poetry under the pseudonym J. Hope Stein).
A lot of comedians write books and more often than not, I’m underwhelmed. Maybe there’s a couple of funny bits or at best a number of lines where I crack half a smile. This book is an exception though. It is consistently and genuinely funny without trying too hard. Then there are Jen’s poems which at times are also funny or amusing or a little absurd but change and become quite poignant after their daughter Oona is born. It’s a unique collaboration but one that works surprisingly well.
I thought about quoting from the book but it was hard to pick a favorite passage when there’s so many good ones. Neither Mike nor Jen had ever wanted kids and suddenly this changes, or its sudden for Jen. We find Mike kind of reflecting back, standing outside himself a little and reflecting on the sheer absurdity of it all. He even has a painful testicular surgery to increase their chances of conception (so it’s clear he’s in even if he doesn’t always know it or think he is at the time) and full stop- Birbiglia is at his best with medical humor. Some personal bias here, my life is illness and doctors and medical humor is absolutely my jam but with that in mind I’m a veritable connoisseur of medical humor. And Birbiglia? Grade A medical humor, whether talking about his own experiences with a bladder cancer bout at 19, his life threatening form of sleepwalking, the aforementioned ball surgery, all the ins and outs of pregnancy and birth, health scares, health fears. Just truly awesome stuff.
I think that quality is what made the whole book so good since much as many people don’t know how to joke about illness, I think there’s a similar weirdness there when it comes to joking about having kids. He’s never crass. I can’t promise every joke will be to your specific tastes but none are tasteless. There’s a broad appeal here but done so dang much better than a lot of comedy that tries to appeal more broadly. I haven’t had the chance to watch his The New One comedy special yet but I am absolutely looking forward to it. I enjoyed this book so much more than I expected to and I genuinely believe most folks will have fun with this one. Well worth spending the day with.
You may know Mike Birbiglia from his comedy shows and specials, his book and award-winning comedy rather film Sleepwalk With Me, his contributions to The Moth and This American Life, or maybe just as that dude from that show (a reoccurring role on Orange is the New Black, guest appearances on Broad City, Girls, etc. Look him up, you’ll remember that face!) but in this book- which is based of his same named comedy special and Broadway show, he writes about his relationship with his wife Jen and their eventual decision to have a child. Also interspersed among the chapters are poems from Jen (who has long published poetry under the pseudonym J. Hope Stein).
A lot of comedians write books and more often than not, I’m underwhelmed. Maybe there’s a couple of funny bits or at best a number of lines where I crack half a smile. This book is an exception though. It is consistently and genuinely funny without trying too hard. Then there are Jen’s poems which at times are also funny or amusing or a little absurd but change and become quite poignant after their daughter Oona is born. It’s a unique collaboration but one that works surprisingly well.
I thought about quoting from the book but it was hard to pick a favorite passage when there’s so many good ones. Neither Mike nor Jen had ever wanted kids and suddenly this changes, or its sudden for Jen. We find Mike kind of reflecting back, standing outside himself a little and reflecting on the sheer absurdity of it all. He even has a painful testicular surgery to increase their chances of conception (so it’s clear he’s in even if he doesn’t always know it or think he is at the time) and full stop- Birbiglia is at his best with medical humor. Some personal bias here, my life is illness and doctors and medical humor is absolutely my jam but with that in mind I’m a veritable connoisseur of medical humor. And Birbiglia? Grade A medical humor, whether talking about his own experiences with a bladder cancer bout at 19, his life threatening form of sleepwalking, the aforementioned ball surgery, all the ins and outs of pregnancy and birth, health scares, health fears. Just truly awesome stuff.
I think that quality is what made the whole book so good since much as many people don’t know how to joke about illness, I think there’s a similar weirdness there when it comes to joking about having kids. He’s never crass. I can’t promise every joke will be to your specific tastes but none are tasteless. There’s a broad appeal here but done so dang much better than a lot of comedy that tries to appeal more broadly. I haven’t had the chance to watch his The New One comedy special yet but I am absolutely looking forward to it. I enjoyed this book so much more than I expected to and I genuinely believe most folks will have fun with this one. Well worth spending the day with.
February 11, 2020
Pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this. It's a cute book, and it really is funny! As someone who is also extremely reluctant to have biological children, I found myself able to relate to Birbiglia's observations of children, especially when he's describing his brother's kids. When I'm around people with young children I can't help but think, "Kids ruined your life, there is no way I'm doing that." Which is basically how Birbiglia feels until he actually has a kid of his own. We have his perspective in story form and then his wife's perspective in poetry form. The poems provided a nice little break between stories, and I like that they worked together to make this book.
I would say this book is "easy reading" because there's nothing urgent about it. The writing style is laid back, dry, sarcastic, and simple yet very well written. I really wasn't expecting to smile so much while reading this book. I went into it with mid-low expectations. I think that the "parenting" tag on the genres sidebar made me weary of reading this, but I think The New One is less for parents and more for people who don't have or don't want children. Or maybe that's just me since I am one of those people.
Whatever it may be, Mike Birbiglia is a great writer, and I'm glad I won this book. Thank you, Grand Central Publishing!
I would say this book is "easy reading" because there's nothing urgent about it. The writing style is laid back, dry, sarcastic, and simple yet very well written. I really wasn't expecting to smile so much while reading this book. I went into it with mid-low expectations. I think that the "parenting" tag on the genres sidebar made me weary of reading this, but I think The New One is less for parents and more for people who don't have or don't want children. Or maybe that's just me since I am one of those people.
Whatever it may be, Mike Birbiglia is a great writer, and I'm glad I won this book. Thank you, Grand Central Publishing!
July 9, 2020
Comedian Mike Birbiglia, knocks it out of the ballpark with his second collection of humorous essays and insights. Instead of discussing his hilariously terrifying sleepwalking troubles (Sleepwalk with Me: and Other Painfully True Stories) he's graduated on to scarier topics... parenthood. The New One chronicles Mike and his wife, Jennifer's journey from: denial that they'll ever want kids of their own, grim acceptance when his wife decides that she actually does want a baby, to creating an entirely new lifestyle subject to their child Oona's needs. Peppered throughout the book are Jennifer Hope Stein's poetry about their daughter, their marriage, their fears, and their love. The poems go hand in hand with her husband's insights and help balance the story of their forays into parenthood. The stories are poignant, moving, and humorous. Fantastically narrated by both the authors, this is a book that all parents will easily relate to and laugh along with. A great gift for new (and old!) parents as well as comedy fans. A fantastic and engaging listen!
June 26, 2020
This is a complicated review. All in all, the book was fine. I laughed out loud, all alone in a room with a book for the first time in forever.
But otherwise, I hated it. The further I got into the book, the less I thought it was funny and the more I hated Mike Birbiglia.
Oh, and the poems didn’t do it for me...
But otherwise, I hated it. The further I got into the book, the less I thought it was funny and the more I hated Mike Birbiglia.
Oh, and the poems didn’t do it for me...
July 13, 2020
Mixed feelings
I found much of this funny and "relatable," but Birbiglia makes the wife he says he loves sound self-absorbed and unlikable. The poetry that purports to be hers weakens the humor and story. It made me oddly angry to be exposed to it proudly. Example: "...Come out come out come out little poop/And say hello to mommy and me/My daughter poops a treasure more valuable to Earth, says Earth, than any contribution of the high arts." Really?
I found much of this funny and "relatable," but Birbiglia makes the wife he says he loves sound self-absorbed and unlikable. The poetry that purports to be hers weakens the humor and story. It made me oddly angry to be exposed to it proudly. Example: "...Come out come out come out little poop/And say hello to mommy and me/My daughter poops a treasure more valuable to Earth, says Earth, than any contribution of the high arts." Really?
September 10, 2020
Mike Birbiglia and I are very different. He lives in the city--New York City--and I basically live in the suburbs of a much smaller city. He tells jokes for a living -- among other creative projects (like this book). I read books and help other people have access to them (and other important resources) at our local library. He has a dangerous sleep disorder. I am blessed with average sleep patterns for my age and gender. We do, however, both love cats AND we are both parents! I expected this to be a really long Mike Birbiglia show centered around the subject of parenting. In reality, this book is much more than a comics view of parenthood. He and his wife J. Hope Stein collaborated on this project. Chapters of Mike's prose include poems from Jen that she was writing while that particular event was happening. A beautiful concept and it works quite well. Both Mike and Jen read their own portions of the book. Don't skip the acknowledgements. Note: there is some R-rated language and content.
May 23, 2021
I really didn't care for this. Maybe I was in the wrong headspace or something - I do really enjoy a lot of Mike Birbiglia's work - but this book was a lot of whining about how Birbiglia's wife resented him for making the choice to be barely a father and then by the time his kid turned four he became slightly more involved in their life. He, according to the book, couldn't install a car seat or change a diaper or do dishes or get groceries and he's like "for some reason my wife, who was basically raising our child alone, wasn't constantly happy." [Not a real quote] I know he's critical of his own behavior and I could stand to be less judgy here but I did not enjoy reading this book, except for the chapter where he and his wife tell President Obama that they're expecting. That chapter gets an A+ from me.
August 28, 2020
I should be the absolute unequivocal best audience for this book. On Friday, October 13th, 2017, I saw Mike Birbiglia in Washington, DC doing the standup version of this story (also called "The New One"). At the time I had a 1-year-old and an almost-5-year-old. (Birbiglia's daughter, the inspiration for the show, is a year older than my younger son.) The show resonated deeply with me and I found myself entertained and touched. In the past I had also consumed and recommended content from Birbiglia's earlier shows. In other words, I'm a big fan in general, and I was a fan of this show specifically.
It turns out a book is a very different experience from a standup show. There are some things that are so difficult to read on the printed page that, when delivered from a stage in a gentle voice to a laughing crowd, can land softer. The thrust of the stage show also seemed to be more . . . positive, maybe? Humorous? Wistful? I'm not sure.
This book felt like such a downer. A woman coerces her disabled husband into having a baby he doesn't want, knowing his disability will profoundly interfere with his ability to do a huge portion of childcare . . . and then she doesn't make the effort to actually get him involved with the things he can do. Like Birbiglia, I felt the extreme force of the mother/baby dyad in his home, but unlike Birbiglia, I am a mother and I know this situation is not inevitable. We're talking about a healthy baby whose care can be managed, at least in dribs and drabs, by any sane adult. A mother, especially a breastfeeding mother, who wants her partner to be an equal co-parent has to ease her grip on the baby (metaphorically speaking) and ensure he's involved, respected, and confident. If she doesn't do that, then of course the mother/baby dyad just gets stronger and stronger to the exclusion of every other relationship in the family unit.
If anything, this book is a cautionary tale for partnered "attachment"-style mothers who insist on total control over their babies. The misery that Birbiglia experiences within these covers is the result.
But the question is, should you want to read this book if you're just a Birbiglia fan? I'd say no. It doesn't translate well to the written word. I found myself chucking aloud maybe three times, whereas I remember laughing very hard many times at "The New One" live show.
For my money, the most profound and beautiful "painfully true" memoir about parenthood is Making Babies: Stumbling into Motherhood, by a country mile. I'd check that out instead.
It turns out a book is a very different experience from a standup show. There are some things that are so difficult to read on the printed page that, when delivered from a stage in a gentle voice to a laughing crowd, can land softer. The thrust of the stage show also seemed to be more . . . positive, maybe? Humorous? Wistful? I'm not sure.
This book felt like such a downer. A woman coerces her disabled husband into having a baby he doesn't want, knowing his disability will profoundly interfere with his ability to do a huge portion of childcare . . . and then she doesn't make the effort to actually get him involved with the things he can do. Like Birbiglia, I felt the extreme force of the mother/baby dyad in his home, but unlike Birbiglia, I am a mother and I know this situation is not inevitable. We're talking about a healthy baby whose care can be managed, at least in dribs and drabs, by any sane adult. A mother, especially a breastfeeding mother, who wants her partner to be an equal co-parent has to ease her grip on the baby (metaphorically speaking) and ensure he's involved, respected, and confident. If she doesn't do that, then of course the mother/baby dyad just gets stronger and stronger to the exclusion of every other relationship in the family unit.
If anything, this book is a cautionary tale for partnered "attachment"-style mothers who insist on total control over their babies. The misery that Birbiglia experiences within these covers is the result.
But the question is, should you want to read this book if you're just a Birbiglia fan? I'd say no. It doesn't translate well to the written word. I found myself chucking aloud maybe three times, whereas I remember laughing very hard many times at "The New One" live show.
For my money, the most profound and beautiful "painfully true" memoir about parenthood is Making Babies: Stumbling into Motherhood, by a country mile. I'd check that out instead.
June 18, 2020
Mika Birbigliu milujem spôsobom ako pes miluje klobásu - klobása nemôže urobiť vôbec nič také, čo by spôsobilo, že ju pes prestane milovať nekriticky a bezhranične.
Toto je objektívne na 4 hviezdičky, ale dávam osem, lebo nikto nie je tak bezhranične úprimný ako Birbiglia a nikto nie je tak vtipný ako Birbiglia a veľa ľudí už napísalo o tom, aké to je byť rodičom a že to nie je úplne sranda, ale nikto z nich nebol Mike Birbiglia.
Obľúbené citáty:
Jen has never called me out on looking at other women as we walk down the street, but she has called me out on looking at other pizza while I’m eating pizza.
Jen and I start having sex without a condom, which, if you haven’t tried it, by all means give it a chance. Not with my wife, but with your partner. It’s a phenomenal activity. There are videos of it online.
To be clear, I don’t have a “swimmer’s body.” I have what I call a “drowner’s body,” where it seems like I’m drowning at all times even when I’m not near water. Even when I’m shirtless and dry, people are concerned.
In the third trimester Jen starts eating like a college freshman—hot dogs and ice cream and mayonnaise. One day she’s on the couch eating three hot dogs all at once and she looks up at me and says, “I feel like I understand you now.”
I have the body of someone who’s just about to embark on a robust exercise regimen and then doesn’t.
Jen says, “A baby wouldn’t have to change the way we live our lives.” I say, “Did you get less smart? You used to be so smart.
Toto je objektívne na 4 hviezdičky, ale dávam osem, lebo nikto nie je tak bezhranične úprimný ako Birbiglia a nikto nie je tak vtipný ako Birbiglia a veľa ľudí už napísalo o tom, aké to je byť rodičom a že to nie je úplne sranda, ale nikto z nich nebol Mike Birbiglia.
Obľúbené citáty:
Jen has never called me out on looking at other women as we walk down the street, but she has called me out on looking at other pizza while I’m eating pizza.
Jen and I start having sex without a condom, which, if you haven’t tried it, by all means give it a chance. Not with my wife, but with your partner. It’s a phenomenal activity. There are videos of it online.
To be clear, I don’t have a “swimmer’s body.” I have what I call a “drowner’s body,” where it seems like I’m drowning at all times even when I’m not near water. Even when I’m shirtless and dry, people are concerned.
In the third trimester Jen starts eating like a college freshman—hot dogs and ice cream and mayonnaise. One day she’s on the couch eating three hot dogs all at once and she looks up at me and says, “I feel like I understand you now.”
I have the body of someone who’s just about to embark on a robust exercise regimen and then doesn’t.
Jen says, “A baby wouldn’t have to change the way we live our lives.” I say, “Did you get less smart? You used to be so smart.
October 19, 2021
I love Mike Birbiglia as a comedian and now as a author. What a great book. I was laughing out loud and crying the whole time. He lets you into his life. His life is similar to mine with its ups and downs and trial and tragedies. He shows you how to look at the hard things and find humor in them. It was refreshing and real and relatable to read about the struggles of bringing a child into the world and redefining family. My husband and I had our second child in our late forties and it was extremely challenging. I remember driving around at 2:00 a.m. trying to get the baby asleep. We decided that other people might be doing the same thing. We used to think if you were driving around at 2:00 a.m. you were leaving a bar. I highly recommend. A good gift for parents to be.
September 13, 2025
Mama Mia
July 13, 2020
Mike Birbiglia is one of my all-time favorite comedians. I think it's his honesty combined with the sort of guileless storytelling nature of his delivery. He invites you into his life, and his life is sort of like your life with all the ups and downs and trials and tragedies, and he shows you how to look at all the hard things and find the humor in them.
Proving that, he's written this book about having a child. I will tell you that having a child is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. And I'm not the dad in this scenario. I'm the other side of the story. But it was refreshing and real and relatable to read about the struggles of bringing a child into the world and redefining family.
There's so much honesty here and some of it HAD to be hard to write. But it resonated. I laughed out loud so many times, but I also nodded along in solidarity. He did it again - he took all the hard things in life and made them funny and honestly, the world needs more of this.
The New One was beautiful, funny, raw and real. No surprise here. An easy five stars.
Proving that, he's written this book about having a child. I will tell you that having a child is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. And I'm not the dad in this scenario. I'm the other side of the story. But it was refreshing and real and relatable to read about the struggles of bringing a child into the world and redefining family.
There's so much honesty here and some of it HAD to be hard to write. But it resonated. I laughed out loud so many times, but I also nodded along in solidarity. He did it again - he took all the hard things in life and made them funny and honestly, the world needs more of this.
The New One was beautiful, funny, raw and real. No surprise here. An easy five stars.
January 5, 2021
Kľudne by som dal aj šesť hviezdičiek. Humor. Úprimnosť. Fakt, Mike za nás mnohých napísal myšlienky, ktoré uvažujeme, ale nedokážeme ich vysloviť. Sú nepríjemné, môžu raniť, ale sú úprimné, oslobodzujú, s odstupom budujú základ ďalšieho humoru, našťastie.
February 27, 2020
"Charmingly neurotic" has often been a phrase used to describe Mike Birbiglia, a stand-up comic turned writer turned actor/filmmaker who's won our hearts and made us laugh with such efforts as "Sleepwalk With Me" and "Don't Think Twice" along with a number of other cinematic appearances where he often plays the neurotic boyfriend, best friend, co-worker, etc.
Let's face it. Mike Birbiglia is neurotic, though it's a hard-earned neuroses. Birbiglia survived cancer at the age of 19 and was diagnosed with rapid eye movement sleep disorder, a disorder so severe that he once sleepwalked out of a second-story Walla Walla, Washington La Quinta Inn window.
Based on Birbiglia's award-winning stage show "The New One," for which he won both Drama Desk and Outer Critics Circle Awards for Outstanding Solo Performance, "The New One: Painfully True Stories From a Reluctant Dad" is the kind of neurotic long-form storytelling for which Birbiglia is known best. It's simultaneously laugh-out-loud funny and awkwardly painful, filled with vulnerable truths that many of us feel yet most of us wouldn't ever dare speak.
Birbiglia speaks it and somehow makes us laugh through it all.
"The New One" kicks off with Birbiglia and his wife Jen, whom he regularly refers to as Clo for reasons either never revealed or that I'm simply too blind to catch on to, as they live into the marital vows they promised one another including such simple things as the fact that he can talk about her onstage and she can disappear. They're both natural introverts, though Birbiglia kinda sorta becomes an extrovert so that they have the ability to escape from awkward social situations.
This is Birbiglia. Almost every social situation is awkward.
They've agreed they don't want kids, but after several years of being happily married Jen changes her mind.
Birbiglia, whom I just don't want to call Mike, doesn't.
"The New One" is largely about that reluctance.
Birbiglia wants to maintain the status quo. It works. They're happy. He's happy. He's built a successful career. They've built a routine that satisfies.
For Jen, 'er Clo, suddenly something is missing. For him, not so much.
"The New One" is filled to the brim with Birbiglia's trademark neuroses, expressed here as painfully transparent and frequently funny revelations about what it's like to face parenthood reluctantly, become a reluctant dad, try but mostly fail to maintain the status quo, then somehow come out the other end with a stronger marriage, an amazing wife, a child you love, and a life that's pretty awesome.
There will be times in "The New One" when you'll love Birbiglia. There will be times in "The New One" when you'll read something and you'll gasp and go "Who is this stand-up comic I thought I knew?"
Then, you'll go back to loving him again.
Much like life and love and marriage and parenting, "The New One" is a journey with lots of ups and downs, laughs and poignancy. The stories that unfold in "The New One" are told from Birbiglia's perspective, though Jen, who's an increasingly popular poet who writes under J. Hope Stein, has her poetry woven into the fabric of the book in such a beautiful way that it balances the stories and offers her insightful, intelligent, and often quite revealing perspectives.
If you're familiar with the stage production or Birbiglia's 2019 Netflix production that served as the foundation for this book's material, some of "The New One" certainly won't feel as fresh or new and that's certainly something to be considered.
However, "The New One" possesses something special with Birbiglia's uncommon vulnerability, Jen's lyrical tapestry, and a literary experiment that digs deep and discovers both comedic and familial gold.
Let's face it. Mike Birbiglia is neurotic, though it's a hard-earned neuroses. Birbiglia survived cancer at the age of 19 and was diagnosed with rapid eye movement sleep disorder, a disorder so severe that he once sleepwalked out of a second-story Walla Walla, Washington La Quinta Inn window.
Based on Birbiglia's award-winning stage show "The New One," for which he won both Drama Desk and Outer Critics Circle Awards for Outstanding Solo Performance, "The New One: Painfully True Stories From a Reluctant Dad" is the kind of neurotic long-form storytelling for which Birbiglia is known best. It's simultaneously laugh-out-loud funny and awkwardly painful, filled with vulnerable truths that many of us feel yet most of us wouldn't ever dare speak.
Birbiglia speaks it and somehow makes us laugh through it all.
"The New One" kicks off with Birbiglia and his wife Jen, whom he regularly refers to as Clo for reasons either never revealed or that I'm simply too blind to catch on to, as they live into the marital vows they promised one another including such simple things as the fact that he can talk about her onstage and she can disappear. They're both natural introverts, though Birbiglia kinda sorta becomes an extrovert so that they have the ability to escape from awkward social situations.
This is Birbiglia. Almost every social situation is awkward.
They've agreed they don't want kids, but after several years of being happily married Jen changes her mind.
Birbiglia, whom I just don't want to call Mike, doesn't.
"The New One" is largely about that reluctance.
Birbiglia wants to maintain the status quo. It works. They're happy. He's happy. He's built a successful career. They've built a routine that satisfies.
For Jen, 'er Clo, suddenly something is missing. For him, not so much.
"The New One" is filled to the brim with Birbiglia's trademark neuroses, expressed here as painfully transparent and frequently funny revelations about what it's like to face parenthood reluctantly, become a reluctant dad, try but mostly fail to maintain the status quo, then somehow come out the other end with a stronger marriage, an amazing wife, a child you love, and a life that's pretty awesome.
There will be times in "The New One" when you'll love Birbiglia. There will be times in "The New One" when you'll read something and you'll gasp and go "Who is this stand-up comic I thought I knew?"
Then, you'll go back to loving him again.
Much like life and love and marriage and parenting, "The New One" is a journey with lots of ups and downs, laughs and poignancy. The stories that unfold in "The New One" are told from Birbiglia's perspective, though Jen, who's an increasingly popular poet who writes under J. Hope Stein, has her poetry woven into the fabric of the book in such a beautiful way that it balances the stories and offers her insightful, intelligent, and often quite revealing perspectives.
If you're familiar with the stage production or Birbiglia's 2019 Netflix production that served as the foundation for this book's material, some of "The New One" certainly won't feel as fresh or new and that's certainly something to be considered.
However, "The New One" possesses something special with Birbiglia's uncommon vulnerability, Jen's lyrical tapestry, and a literary experiment that digs deep and discovers both comedic and familial gold.
November 22, 2021
"And the blood itself doesn't faze me because, as I've stated, I'm a vampire and Jen's blood is an aphrodisiac."
I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own. Any quotes I use are from an unpublished copy and may not reflect the finished product.
I seriously considered not finishing this book after reading the above quote, because GROSS. THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Yes, this is a book about someone's experiences as a husband and father, but telling readers (more than once) how attracted you are to your wife when she's on her period, IS TAKING IT TOO FAR. Please keep those particular preferences to yourself! Am I supposed to appreciate your honesty and openness? Sorry, no. I know comedians use their personal lives and experiences for material, but that wasn't funny, entertaining, or something I needed to know.
A lot of what Birbiglia said felt forced, like he was trying too hard to be funny (especially in situations that did not call for humor). He's also SUPER self-deprecating, which I've never found funny. Although, there were a few times when I did laugh-out-loud because of something he'd said. Maybe because it was relatable, or just sounded insane? I honestly don't know. The laughs were few and far between.
The author makes it clear from the start that he never wanted kids, so some of his reactions reflected those feelings. He felt inadequate when it came to loving his child and being there for his wife, almost like he was the third wheel in their relationship. It was interesting to read about his perspective as a husband and new father, and I found myself comparing some of his stories to my own experiences with my husband after having children.
Additionally, I liked that the author chose to include his wife's poetry in this book, but most of it was about fish and went way over my head. Normally, I like poetry, even if I'm not entirely sure what the author is trying to say, but I rarely had any idea what J. Hope Stein was trying to communicate with her poems (based on the theme of this book, I'm going to assume it was about her child and being a mother). I'm pretty sure there was something in there about going in reverse and a hairy ass... I think it's amazing that they both chronicled the first year of their daughter's life in their own way (and somewhat unknowingly), but I felt detached from everything that was happening. I often found myself thinking, "How is this your life?"
I started The New One late one night, and read roughly twenty pages before falling asleep, but then finished it in a little over an hour the following day. It's a quick read, which is probably the only reason I decided to keep going. There's not really a conclusion, just a guy coming to terms with his new circumstances in life, and how he chose to address his problems as they slapped him in the face. If you like comedians, maybe give this one a shot? I honestly don't know how I would define this book... Autobiographical? Parenting for the unwilling? Memoir with a dash of Kink? If you've read this one, message me so we can discuss it in more detail! (★★⋆☆☆)
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I received an ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. My thoughts and opinions are my own. Any quotes I use are from an unpublished copy and may not reflect the finished product.
I seriously considered not finishing this book after reading the above quote, because GROSS. THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Yes, this is a book about someone's experiences as a husband and father, but telling readers (more than once) how attracted you are to your wife when she's on her period, IS TAKING IT TOO FAR. Please keep those particular preferences to yourself! Am I supposed to appreciate your honesty and openness? Sorry, no. I know comedians use their personal lives and experiences for material, but that wasn't funny, entertaining, or something I needed to know.
A lot of what Birbiglia said felt forced, like he was trying too hard to be funny (especially in situations that did not call for humor). He's also SUPER self-deprecating, which I've never found funny. Although, there were a few times when I did laugh-out-loud because of something he'd said. Maybe because it was relatable, or just sounded insane? I honestly don't know. The laughs were few and far between.
The author makes it clear from the start that he never wanted kids, so some of his reactions reflected those feelings. He felt inadequate when it came to loving his child and being there for his wife, almost like he was the third wheel in their relationship. It was interesting to read about his perspective as a husband and new father, and I found myself comparing some of his stories to my own experiences with my husband after having children.
Additionally, I liked that the author chose to include his wife's poetry in this book, but most of it was about fish and went way over my head. Normally, I like poetry, even if I'm not entirely sure what the author is trying to say, but I rarely had any idea what J. Hope Stein was trying to communicate with her poems (based on the theme of this book, I'm going to assume it was about her child and being a mother). I'm pretty sure there was something in there about going in reverse and a hairy ass... I think it's amazing that they both chronicled the first year of their daughter's life in their own way (and somewhat unknowingly), but I felt detached from everything that was happening. I often found myself thinking, "How is this your life?"
I started The New One late one night, and read roughly twenty pages before falling asleep, but then finished it in a little over an hour the following day. It's a quick read, which is probably the only reason I decided to keep going. There's not really a conclusion, just a guy coming to terms with his new circumstances in life, and how he chose to address his problems as they slapped him in the face. If you like comedians, maybe give this one a shot? I honestly don't know how I would define this book... Autobiographical? Parenting for the unwilling? Memoir with a dash of Kink? If you've read this one, message me so we can discuss it in more detail! (★★⋆☆☆)
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September 4, 2020
This book felt like a smile. Mike Birbiglia is a new parent who feels less sure-footed about parenthood than society expects, and here he shares his (mostly) unfiltered thoughts through the process of growing into this role. He is irreverent, funny (often darkly so), sometimes selfish, often scared, and honest.
Woven into his side of the story are poems written by poet Jen Hope Stein (his wife, the mother!) as she navigates her journey. It's poignant how his side often reads like it's written by someone looking onto a mother and a daughter, hers reads like an ode to the only person that exists in her world--her child.
Watching Mike Birbiglia grow into the cliches of parenthood is a delight.
Woven into his side of the story are poems written by poet Jen Hope Stein (his wife, the mother!) as she navigates her journey. It's poignant how his side often reads like it's written by someone looking onto a mother and a daughter, hers reads like an ode to the only person that exists in her world--her child.
Watching Mike Birbiglia grow into the cliches of parenthood is a delight.
December 16, 2021
I enjoy his comedy shows, and he's really progressed since having a child. Lots more to joke about, I guess. Some of the stories in the book are small parts of his comedy routine fleshed out, which tells the entire story. Loved the book. Read it after you see one of his comedy specials and you'll laugh even harder.
July 10, 2020
Thanks to Grand Central Publishing for an advance copy of this book for honest review.
Keeping track of publication dates has been challenging lately, so I missed The New One coming out by a few weeks. Fans of Mike Birbiglia's comedy and parenting memoirs alike will enjoy this one! Much of this was familiar to me since I saw Mike Birbiglia live with a lot of the same content, but that doesn't mean I didn't laugh out loud at some points, and still found the moments when he struggles very emotional. I've read a lot of motherhood memoirs, but really none from a father's perspective, especially not one who so openly talks about how hard it was to find his place in the family after they had a child, and it's an interesting perspective.
Keeping track of publication dates has been challenging lately, so I missed The New One coming out by a few weeks. Fans of Mike Birbiglia's comedy and parenting memoirs alike will enjoy this one! Much of this was familiar to me since I saw Mike Birbiglia live with a lot of the same content, but that doesn't mean I didn't laugh out loud at some points, and still found the moments when he struggles very emotional. I've read a lot of motherhood memoirs, but really none from a father's perspective, especially not one who so openly talks about how hard it was to find his place in the family after they had a child, and it's an interesting perspective.
May 12, 2020
Parenting ain’t no joke! Do any of us really know what we are doing? Its quite clear we have absolutely no idea 99.9% of the time. Birbiglia nails it when he says “I’m mostly scared. This monkey in a jumpsuit stares at me with this look like – I don’t know anything. Do you know anything? I’m thinking, I don’t know anything either.”
The New One is a collaboration of “painfully true stories from a reluctant Dad” and his wife the poet and perhaps the little less reluctant half.
The New One actually started as an off-Broadway show and moved to Broadway. Now also a Netflix series, the book contains new material as well as poetry that Jen wrote.
I thought the collaboration of stories and poetry was sweet, funny and so very true. I think parents will appreciate this dark and laugh-out-loud read.
The New One is a collaboration of “painfully true stories from a reluctant Dad” and his wife the poet and perhaps the little less reluctant half.
The New One actually started as an off-Broadway show and moved to Broadway. Now also a Netflix series, the book contains new material as well as poetry that Jen wrote.
I thought the collaboration of stories and poetry was sweet, funny and so very true. I think parents will appreciate this dark and laugh-out-loud read.
June 24, 2020
When I discovered Mike Birbiglia a few years ago, it was a revelation. He is a brilliant comedian because he is a masterful storyteller.
I've watched all his comedy specials and had the great pleasure to see his Broadway show in person.
THE NEW ONE is an absolute delight. This book was like a director’s cut of his Broadway show, but with a lot more poems, each brilliant, and so much heart and sincerity.
Hilarious and truthful.
A wonderful, poignant work.
I loved it, and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys honest humor about real life.
I've watched all his comedy specials and had the great pleasure to see his Broadway show in person.
THE NEW ONE is an absolute delight. This book was like a director’s cut of his Broadway show, but with a lot more poems, each brilliant, and so much heart and sincerity.
Hilarious and truthful.
A wonderful, poignant work.
I loved it, and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys honest humor about real life.
March 21, 2020
Goodreads win! Best win thus far!!! I laughed the entire through Mike's entire journey. It is so honest and relatable, I think every dad should read. Mike and Jen now has a huge fan!
August 20, 2021
I don't think any book has made me so relieved I never had kids.
January 1, 2021
I was worried that having watched the Netflix special, the book would be ruined. In fact it was kind of the opposite as I think a couple of the jokes probably work better if you can hear Mike's voice, like calling his wife Jen, "Clo." And of course the toy-dropping scene is special to the documentary--you can't do that in a book. But like David Sedaris, Mike Birbiglia's funny voice is a little bit of the joke. And a lot is in his deadpan delivery. So if you can hear his voice in your head while reading, it's much funnier.
Basically, Mike never wanted to have a kid. Jen agreed. At first. Until she didn't anymore. But she promised it wouldn't change anything.
Not only did Mike not want to have a kid, but he's also really unsure about passing along his genes since he's a lemon. He had cancer at 19. He has a terrifying sleepwalking disorder that has tried to kill him. Midway through this book he's diagnosed with diabetes. I think he does have a good point, here. Not to mention that their lifestyle with his job, being on the road over 200 days a year, isn't super conducive to child raising.
But they make it work! Sort of. Anyone who has ever felt like they were failing at parenting or doing it wrong should read this book. It's amazing how honest he is. He does truly love his daughter Oona (meaning "one"!) but for at least her first year, he doesn't even feel like he's part of the family anymore. I love his analogy that it's like he's the Vice-President, a purely ornamental post.
Sprinkled throughout are poems written by his wife, who apparently also had some mixed feelings at times (not reluctance about motherhood but other things). It's great to see other people being purely human and vulnerable. Even though I don't have any kids, I really identified with a lot of the issues of society telling us to be perfect, of families being weird and messed up, and of having honestly mixed feelings about a major decision. It's so rare to ever hear these admissions, and even rarer to have them presented in a funny way. I'm now going to see if I can figure out how to watch his move Sleepwalk With Me. His piece called that on This American Life is how I first discovered him and it was brilliant and unique. I want to begin this year (2021, writing this on 12/31) with a story of how all humans are weird, and yet things will work out, with laughs. That's generally Mike's whole humor theme.
Basically, Mike never wanted to have a kid. Jen agreed. At first. Until she didn't anymore. But she promised it wouldn't change anything.
Not only did Mike not want to have a kid, but he's also really unsure about passing along his genes since he's a lemon. He had cancer at 19. He has a terrifying sleepwalking disorder that has tried to kill him. Midway through this book he's diagnosed with diabetes. I think he does have a good point, here. Not to mention that their lifestyle with his job, being on the road over 200 days a year, isn't super conducive to child raising.
But they make it work! Sort of. Anyone who has ever felt like they were failing at parenting or doing it wrong should read this book. It's amazing how honest he is. He does truly love his daughter Oona (meaning "one"!) but for at least her first year, he doesn't even feel like he's part of the family anymore. I love his analogy that it's like he's the Vice-President, a purely ornamental post.
Sprinkled throughout are poems written by his wife, who apparently also had some mixed feelings at times (not reluctance about motherhood but other things). It's great to see other people being purely human and vulnerable. Even though I don't have any kids, I really identified with a lot of the issues of society telling us to be perfect, of families being weird and messed up, and of having honestly mixed feelings about a major decision. It's so rare to ever hear these admissions, and even rarer to have them presented in a funny way. I'm now going to see if I can figure out how to watch his move Sleepwalk With Me. His piece called that on This American Life is how I first discovered him and it was brilliant and unique. I want to begin this year (2021, writing this on 12/31) with a story of how all humans are weird, and yet things will work out, with laughs. That's generally Mike's whole humor theme.
November 24, 2020
I enjoyed this audiobook -- I've always been a fan of Mike Birbiglia's and when I saw he had written a book about his journey into (reluctant) fatherhood, I felt I needed to read it.
My own feelings about parenthood are somewhat mixed, so I was interested in hearing about his own experience of having a child after having been someone who had pretty definitively stated they would never have children. Birbiglia shares his reasons for not wanting to have children (some expected, some surprising), his acceptance of the idea of having a child because his wife wants one so badly, and then his experience becoming a father and feeling like he's more or less being kicked out of his family.
What is particularly lovely about this book is that it includes his wife's poetry throughout, and in the audiobook she reads the poems. So you have these little interludes between ideas/chapters where you get her perspective via poem, which really adds something unique and resonant. Especially once their daughter Oona is born, his detailing of his own experience juxtaposed with poems she wrote about new motherhood is powerful. While he feels as though he's being pushed out of his own family (despite his wife insisting having a child wouldn't change their relationship/lives), her poems reveal the loneliness and powerful emotions of becoming a mother. Birbiglia says, I think at the point where he talks about the day his daughter is born, that her birth didn't change him, but he watched his wife become a mother at that point - fully transformed by this life they brought into the world together.
Birbiglia holds nothing back here - his feelings of jealousy about his daughter, his frustrations with his wife, the ways he let them both down at times as he struggled to figure out where he fit in and what was expected of him. And that honesty is so refreshing - those quiet, darker thoughts we all have being given voice so others feel less alone in their own struggles. He is honest about how his marriage sometimes struggled as they tried to figure out their new family dynamic - but is also honest about the ways he and his wife both needed to bring their own dark truths out into the open for them to be able to move forward as a couple and as a family.
I think this is probably an excellent (and quick) read for anyone embarking on parenthood for the first time, but especially for those who are a bit more...undecided... about the whole venture.
My own feelings about parenthood are somewhat mixed, so I was interested in hearing about his own experience of having a child after having been someone who had pretty definitively stated they would never have children. Birbiglia shares his reasons for not wanting to have children (some expected, some surprising), his acceptance of the idea of having a child because his wife wants one so badly, and then his experience becoming a father and feeling like he's more or less being kicked out of his family.
What is particularly lovely about this book is that it includes his wife's poetry throughout, and in the audiobook she reads the poems. So you have these little interludes between ideas/chapters where you get her perspective via poem, which really adds something unique and resonant. Especially once their daughter Oona is born, his detailing of his own experience juxtaposed with poems she wrote about new motherhood is powerful. While he feels as though he's being pushed out of his own family (despite his wife insisting having a child wouldn't change their relationship/lives), her poems reveal the loneliness and powerful emotions of becoming a mother. Birbiglia says, I think at the point where he talks about the day his daughter is born, that her birth didn't change him, but he watched his wife become a mother at that point - fully transformed by this life they brought into the world together.
Birbiglia holds nothing back here - his feelings of jealousy about his daughter, his frustrations with his wife, the ways he let them both down at times as he struggled to figure out where he fit in and what was expected of him. And that honesty is so refreshing - those quiet, darker thoughts we all have being given voice so others feel less alone in their own struggles. He is honest about how his marriage sometimes struggled as they tried to figure out their new family dynamic - but is also honest about the ways he and his wife both needed to bring their own dark truths out into the open for them to be able to move forward as a couple and as a family.
I think this is probably an excellent (and quick) read for anyone embarking on parenthood for the first time, but especially for those who are a bit more...undecided... about the whole venture.
October 25, 2020
In 2014, my now husband and I took a trip to Las Vegas - we had booked a few shows in advance, but for one of the remaining nights, my husband pointed up at the tv screen listing discounted tickets and suggested that we see a comedian named Mike Birbiglia - I was doubtful when he purchased the tickets, and even more doubtful when we entered an auditorium that was barely a third full. What ensued was altogether a surprise and delight - Mike Birbiglia was funny and witty, relaying humour through storytelling and relatable human insight rather than through a barrage of crass punchlines. I became a fan then and there!
I missed his show The New One when he came through Vancouver on tour, later when it debuted on Broadway, and even now that it is on Netflix. However, I was able to listen to his audiobook version and it was excellent - skilled comedians have a great delivery of written text and I sped through this audiobook. Yes, there are a few strange detours but Birbiglia always manages to steer it back to the central thesis of how his life and his family’s life changes when he and his wife decide to have a child.
The last additional thing that puts this book over the top are the poems that J. Hope Stein wrote that are interspersed throughout the book, serving as additional juxtaposing perspectives to what Birbiglia is describing. There is one short poem about washing dishes that is so perfectly timed that I snorted and the guy six feet away from me at the gym looked over in disgust.
This book is a labour of love and it shows - also if you listen to the audiobook, stay for the acknowledgements because Birbiglia and Stein do them together, and their banter and patter as they riff off each other is so wonderful :)
I missed his show The New One when he came through Vancouver on tour, later when it debuted on Broadway, and even now that it is on Netflix. However, I was able to listen to his audiobook version and it was excellent - skilled comedians have a great delivery of written text and I sped through this audiobook. Yes, there are a few strange detours but Birbiglia always manages to steer it back to the central thesis of how his life and his family’s life changes when he and his wife decide to have a child.
The last additional thing that puts this book over the top are the poems that J. Hope Stein wrote that are interspersed throughout the book, serving as additional juxtaposing perspectives to what Birbiglia is describing. There is one short poem about washing dishes that is so perfectly timed that I snorted and the guy six feet away from me at the gym looked over in disgust.
This book is a labour of love and it shows - also if you listen to the audiobook, stay for the acknowledgements because Birbiglia and Stein do them together, and their banter and patter as they riff off each other is so wonderful :)
August 23, 2020
Birbiglia, a stand-up comedian, shares his experience with becoming a father in his unmistakable comedic voice. Though initially not excited at the idea of having children with his poet wife, he does so because of her longing. He tells what it's like from his perspective in the first few years of his daughter's life, watching her grow up, and the bond formed between daughter and mother never quite repeating itself between daughter and father. He relates the struggle of forming close relationships while pursuing a comedy career that takes him out of town 200 days a year. Interspersed between the very short prose chapters are many short poems written by his wife, mostly about motherhood and her daughter; frankly, I simply skipped most of these after reading a few, and finding them not to my taste.
June 23, 2022
The first half, focusing on pre-birth, I found quite relatable, and really funny. The second half, not as much, which is to be expected based on my current status, but also I think there's probably a lot more universality to pregnancy experiences than post-birth experiences. I have been warned of some fatherly experiences that no one has warned me about yet, and I hope I don't experience them as much as Mike did. But in general the second half is just much more specific to his particular circumstances that are amusing but not necessarily relatable. Still a good read though!
July 11, 2021
Mike Birbiglia is on of my favourite comics. He is a great story teller and this book is no different. It's like an expanded version of his most recent standup special. Many funny stories where I actually LOL.
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