Experiencing Grief

by H. Norman Wright, 蔡明穎 (Translator)

At one time or another, we will all find ourselves facing a dark journey—the passage through grief. Experiencing Grief is written for a person who is in the wake of despair grief leaves. This brief but powerful book will help lead readers out of their grief experience through five stages of grief. At the end of the journey is peace and a seasoned, more mature faith.

Genres: Grief, Christian, Counselling, Nonfiction, Self Help, Faith, Christian Living

92 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2004

About the author

H. Norman Wright is a well-respected Christian counselor who has helped thousands of people improve their relationships and deal with grief, tragedy, and other concerns. He helps couples bring vibrancy to their relationships through counseling, seminars, and more than 90 books, including Before You Say “I Do” and After You Say “I Do.” Norm also reveals insights for spiritual growth, great relationships, and success in devotionals that include Strong to the Core, Quiet Times for Every Parent, and Truly Devoted: What Dogs Teach Us About Life, Love, and Loyalty. www.hnormanwright.com

Reviews

[Clara Lynch Greer · Rating 5 out of 5]

i'll be honest: grief is one of the loneliest places i've found myself. as life rushes by, i find myself still and stuck and dazed and (feeling) alone. each day that passes, i wonder how i can go to work or do ministry or dare i say - attend church, when my grief is so, so heavy. for now, my shadow is one of sorrow: a seemingly unwelcome guest at your table we'd all rather not acknowledge. but reading this the past weeks, in my sleepless nights and my anxious days, i have felt validated and challenged by hope by this small book.

tear-stained with notes of gratitude on every page: a most gracious companion in my darkest hours.

i've never been one for "books like these," but in my heaviness, i could not be more glad i gave it a chance. feeling seen and understood and cared for and able to move forward with a better compass -- to move forward as slowly as i need.

the greatest, most sincere 'thank you' to my friend who had the courage to gift it.

[Shayla Raquel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will recommend this book to every single person experiencing grief. It has taught me so much about the grief process. Things that I thought were abnormal during this time are actually quite normal. Coping with the loss of a loved one will never be an easy task, but at least with this book, there's hope, information, and guidance.

[Amory Skaggs · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really great resource for those experiencing grief and also for those watching others experience it. Why you or they are reacting certain ways, how to work through those, and how to keep moving are all areas that the book really give great insight to. Highly recommend.

[Teri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I haven’t read much about grief, but among what I have - this is solid, helpful stuff. I read it thinking of my dad, my grief over adoption loss, and with friends in mind whose son died. I would recommend it to others for sure.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

My therapist recommended this book to me after my nephew died. It is incredibly short, so I read it in about 90 minutes. I didn't really connect with it, mainly because the focus of the book is so centered on recovery and making the grief go away. The hypothetical persona in the book repeatedly expresses the feeling of wanting the grief to end and wishing for normalcy. The book itself stresses the importance of allowing yourself to grieve and feel sorrow and pain, but it always qualifies this advice with an exhortation to be patient, for these feelings are temporary. Further, in the chapter on guilt, the guilt discussed is primarily guilt for wrongdoings or unfinished business.

In contrast, my grief and the grief other members of my family have described experiencing is very different. I do not want the pain to go away. It is normal to feel pain and sorrow, and I think it would be a grave injustice to my loved one's memory to wish the pain of his passing to be over. He deserves our mourning! He is worth every tear we are shedding! This book does not discuss these sorts of emotions at all. It concentrates on getting through the pain, on bearing it like an unwanted burden, not on the experience of it. As a result of my experience of grief, the guilt I have felt is a guilt that I am moving on too quickly. I feel like as I return to doing normal things, I am somehow not grieving as "well" or hard enough to give my loved one his due. Shouldn't I be more devastated? How can I return to work and just act like nothing happened? But I can, and I feel terrible about it. The guilt of moving on is not addressed at all in this book, and it seems to me to be a significant feeling.

I was also uncomfortable with the many descriptions of grief and tears as "God's gift to help us express our pain." That's not really a helpful or productive perspective to me. Like, God is handing me a gift box full of sorrow that he picked out just for me, and I'm supposed to thank him for it. That kind of phrase makes it sound like God is somehow responsible for my grief, or that he desires me to have it. I don't believe that's what is happening, so the repetition of the "grief as gift" image throughout the book was off-putting.

The book is good in that it emphasizes the ways in which people experience grief differently and establishes that we should not judge others' or even our own grief as "bad" or "inappropriate." I wish, though, that in all of the descriptions of grief processes, an experience more similar to mine had been included.

[Kassidy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely one of the most comforting books I have ever read. I cried at least every other page and highlighted nearly everything. One of those books where you just think, “Wow, they just GET it.” Sometimes you just need to be reminded that your feelings are valid and normal and okay to be felt.

[Paul King · Rating 4 out of 5]

H. Norman Wright, a well-known Christian counselor and author, wrote Experiencing Grief as a concise yet deeply personal guide for those navigating loss. Drawing from his experience as a grief counselor, Wright offers biblical wisdom, personal anecdotes, and practical advice for those struggling with the pain of losing a loved one. Unlike lengthy books on grief, this one is short and accessible, making it ideal for those who may be overwhelmed by their emotions and unable to focus on dense reading.

Wright argues that grief is a complex, individual journey that must be fully experienced rather than suppressed or rushed. He emphasizes that healing takes time and that grief is not something to “get over” but something to live through, with the hope of eventually finding peace and a new sense of normalcy. His approach is both practical and deeply spiritual, encouraging readers to lean on God while also acknowledging the reality of their pain.

The book is structured into short chapters, each addressing a different aspect of grief. Wright walks readers through the emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of mourning, using both Scripture and real-life examples. He highlights key principles such as:
• Grief is not a linear process; it comes in waves.
• Everyone grieves differently, and there is no “right” way to mourn.
• Feelings of anger, guilt, and sadness are normal and should be acknowledged rather than suppressed.
• God’s presence and promises offer comfort and hope in the midst of sorrow.

Throughout the book, Wright provides gentle encouragement for those who feel stuck in their grief, offering reassurance that healing is possible but not rushed.

Experiencing Grief begins by acknowledging the deep pain of loss and the way it disrupts life. Wright discusses the initial shock and numbness that many people feel, followed by the rollercoaster of emotions that can arise. He speaks to the need for patience and self-compassion, reminding readers that grief is not something they can control.

A significant portion of the book is dedicated to the importance of remembering and honoring the loved one while still moving forward. Wright encourages journaling, talking about the loss, and allowing oneself to cry. He also addresses spiritual struggles, such as questioning God’s goodness or feeling distant from Him. Rather than offering cliché answers, Wright validates these struggles and points to God’s love as an anchor in the storm.

The book concludes with practical advice on rebuilding life after loss, offering reassurance that, while grief never completely disappears, it does become more manageable over time. Wright encourages those who are grieving to seek community, whether through support groups, counseling, or trusted friends, and to give themselves permission to heal at their own pace.

One of the book’s strengths is its brevity. Wright understands that grieving individuals may not have the mental or emotional capacity to read a long book, so he keeps his writing concise and straightforward. His tone is compassionate, making the book feel like a conversation with a trusted counselor rather than a clinical guide.

Another strength is Wright’s emphasis on both emotional and spiritual healing. He acknowledges the deep pain of loss without dismissing it with Christian platitudes. Instead, he integrates Scripture in a way that is comforting rather than overwhelming. This balance makes the book accessible to both deeply religious readers and those who may be wrestling with their faith in the wake of loss.

However, one limitation is that Experiencing Grief does not delve deeply into complex or traumatic grief. Those who have experienced sudden or deeply traumatic losses may need additional resources or professional counseling. Additionally, because the book is written from a Christian perspective, it may not resonate as strongly with readers who do not share that faith background.

Experiencing Grief is a compassionate and practical guide for anyone walking through loss. H. Norman Wright provides a comforting, faith-filled perspective that acknowledges the depth of grief while offering hope for healing. The book’s brevity and accessibility make it an excellent resource for those in the early stages of grief, as well as for pastors, counselors, and friends who want to support those who are mourning.

For those seeking a simple yet powerful companion in their grief journey, Experiencing Grief is a highly recommended read.

[Alyssa Bond · Rating 5 out of 5]

A small book that leaves a large impact. Coming in at under 100 pages I wasn’t convinced this was going to help me, but it did. I miss my grandson (Matthew) This book won’t take the pain away but it does help you understand that what you’re going through is normal. If you’re going through the death of a loved one I recommend you check this book out.

[Amy O'Donnell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Grief 0/10, this book 6/10 for hacking my grief

[Isabel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful. The few pages for each topic was a good way to break up the info and make it easy to quickly find a topic. Highly recommend for those in need.

[Sharon Hughson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know if I could have read this book when grief over my mom's death was fresh. Even a year later, many passages put me into tears or brought other emotions to the surface. I do believe this book's greatest value lies in helping those who want to help someone they love through the grieving process. It spotlights different behaviors that are completely normal so we won't worry when we see them in our grieving loved one. Also, the information here might help me grieve more effectively through my next loss - because I'll know to silence that nagging voice in my head that tells me to "just get over it."

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for those experiencing grief. It was difficult at times to read due to the emotion, but helped a lot.

[Dennis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me understand the complex stages of my grief and move forward.

[Janelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. Very simple but helpful especially to provide comfort in losing a love one

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a simple book, but it's definitely not simplistic. It walks you through the different waves of grief, because they're not nearly so well-defined as stages. The main theme is, "it's okay that you're experiencing X emotion--you're normal, you're not alone." At first that seemed too basic to me, but the reality is, we as a society aren't taught how to grieve or how to deal with someone who is grieving. So any time you feel anything you "shouldn't," or that doesn't "look right," it's easy to feel the panic of, "I'm abnormal, I'm doing something wrong."

This was recommended to me by a relative after a loved one died. I thought I was handling the grief pretty well, until I read this, and realized I was handling the grief by not handling it at all--I was stuffing it. Reading this helped me process what I was actually feeling, including some emotions I thought I wasn't experiencing at all. The first half of the book kind of went by me in a blur, but the second half I cried through--in a good way.

One of my favorite chapters talked about some of the complicated emotions we feel when we grieve, and I'm so grateful it was there. The loved one I lost had suffered enormously for a long time, and I felt some sense of relief that she is no longer suffering. But you're not supposed to say that part out loud, and I appreciate that the author made a point of discussing it and, again, stressing that it can be a normal reaction.

It's a short little book, only a little over 80 pages, but I definitely recommend it, whether you're the one who suffered the loss, or you're trying to be there for someone else who is grieving. All of us are going to go through this at some point in our lives, more than once, and having this is a great help.

[Jeffrey Bush · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful book, especially for moments when (not if) one is going through a grieving season. My takeaways from the book are below:


In grief, it feels as if the bottom of your world falls out.

Everyone faces grief, but mourning is a choice.

Grief brings you into the world of the unknown.

You will want to ask why, Job did 16 times, and so did many others. But why is more than just a question, it is a heart-wrenching cry of protest. Matthew 27:46; Psalm 10:1; Psalm 13:1-2.

Though you may never understand, you can still accept as from God — Habakuk 3:17-18

The Bible says be still and know I am God (Psalm 46:10), it doesn’t stay be still and know why.

According to Craig Barnes, God is often silent when we prefer He speaks, and He interrupts us when we prefer He stays silent.

We should not apologize for tears, for they are a gift from God, and a fitting response to sorrow.

When words are most empty, tears are most apt.

Guilt creeps into sorrow, but challenge the thoughts of guilt instead of simply accepting them. You really don’t have as much power as guilt wants you to believe you have.

Guilt is unnecessary, paralyzing, and is the area where many get stuck on their grief journey.

Even though you can’t schedule your grief, you can schedule time to grieve, process, and be in silence.

“How long” is what everyone wants to know. You can’t compare yourself to others or their experiences, but you can know God will get you through.

Every person must give themself permission to grieve, and then permission to stop grieving.

God does not ask that you forget the person you’ve lost. Recovery means you will remember the good as well as the bad, the happy and the sad.

[David Ebel · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a pastor for many years and certified trauma, grief and loss responder I realize how few "tools" that can help people grieving. The wonderful benefit of Experiencing Grief is that it was written by a seasoned "griefoligist" H. Norman Wright, who not only helps individuals but even large businesses and churches to walk through the experience of grief smoothly and with great responses.

I have purchased and distributed over 150 copies of this book and used it whenever the need was immediate. Weeks and months later I have gotten expressions of thanks on how the thin and easy to read book was the best help they had received. Even when talking was too much the person would "escape" into the book and finish it quickly and begin loaning it to others.

This is such a powerful tool I just had to mail one to a family member across country and am looking forward to the comfort it will bring in their lives.

[Gipson Baucum · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great survey of the grieving experience. It also gives helpful suggestions for healthy responses to each stage of the grieving process. It was very insightful. I would highly recommend it for those who have suffered recent loss or are working their way through an extended season of grief. This is a very short and concise book. The chapters are typically only 2-3 pages in length so its easy to put it down at a convenient stopping place...or to speed through at one sitting. The one thing I felt the book could have done better was offer a more fitting conclusion. The final chapter seems out of place. I felt like it should have been placed 2-3 chapters previous. The next-to-last chapter seems much better suited as a conclusion.

[Coicoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

~4.89/5
Picked this up sometime after my mom passed away (after a long battle with cancer)....

It took me two or three years to read through most of this... because... even though the chapters are short, sometimes they hit me in a way that it was necessary to take a moment and pause and sit and reflect.

There are lots of useful nuggets in here, and I would characterize it as descriptive rather than prescriptive.

Today, I didn't so much finish it as put it away on the shelf. I'll likely return to some chapters in it, although, of course, I do not want to need to read it again.... but that is part of the nature of grief.

p.s. ~ in about 10 days, it will have been five years since my mother's passing.

[Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel so seen! After a miscarriage in August and so much loss before that over the past 3 years honestly, it was so nice to hear from an author who gets it.
It’s an easy, short read, but he gives plenty of practical advice and lays out what it could look like over the next several YEARS.
Grief is a process that others are often uncomfortable with and will want you to be over with long before you’re ready. Wright gives you permission to feel what you feel and take the time to recover that you need —which, he warns, will be years.

[Sidney Schwarz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this to help me understand my feelings and help me get through a broken heart. This book is mainly for those who have lost a loved one to death and does an okay job explaining the experience of grief during this time. It did provide good resources. My favorite was the youtube video Praying through the Psalms: Praying Your Tears Sermon by Timothy Keller

[Maryamawit Seifu]

The book felt more like a collection of notes defining grief rather than offering insight into the actual experience of it. While some of the biblical references were meaningful and added value, much of the content felt abstract and detached, lacking the emotional depth or practical perspective I was hoping for.

[Wade · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't love the text, but it made me feel very normal. Feeling normal was very important to me while I was going the the grieving process. I would recommend this to a friend... probably just a Christian friend.

[Elsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful

So thankful for this book. It explains grief as well as describing feelings you feel may not be normal. Also what to expect and sometimes when. I also enjoyed the reference to scripture. Excellent book

[Jayna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read it as part of a class, and I bought a bunch of them to give away as needed. From this book, I learned to speak to those who are grieving, so I feel more confident in offering support and compassion during the grief process.

[Pati Rader · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best overall resources for recognizing and understanding grief associated with loss. Easy to read and absorb. Highly recommend to everyone… as we will all be exposed to someone grieving or experience it ourselves.

[Kelley Reeves · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm sure if you are a Christian, this book could be of comfort to you, but for those who aren't, this book just may not resonate. There's a lot of interesting metaphors and imagery, but there are also sweeping generalizations about how grief is experienced.

[Becca Clancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was gifted to me by a friend after the loss of both of my family dogs within 3 months. I don’t identify as religious, so the biblical undertones weren’t exactly my jam, but otherwise a good quick read and validation of my (and others’) experiences with grief.

[Jerri Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

So soo good. It covers every aspect of grief and gives pointers on how to respond to your feelings. Grief looks differently for everyone. No wrong or right way to deal with it.
I highly recommend this book.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concise, yet deeply practical. Though written within the context of the death of a loved one, the observations and principles Wright puts forth apply equally as well to all forms of loss.