Don't Tell'em You're Cold: A Memoir of Poverty and Resilience

by Katherine P. Manley

Don’t Tell’em You’re a Memoir of Poverty and Resilience is an uplifting story of survival from abject poverty, set in the hills and coal camps of southern West Virginia. Katherine Manley and her family faced extreme challenges and struggles with ingenuity and traditional Appalachian stoicism. Beyond the poverty, other obstacles compounded Katherine’s a severely disabled father, and a mother who struggled with the day-to-day survival. On a cool October morning, she left in a taxi and never returned, leaving 14-year-old Katherine to take care of her father and raise her siblings in her mother’s stead. Katherine went on to become an award-winning teacher, paying forward her hard-learned lessons to thousands of lucky students. This is a story of triumph that encourages everyone to never give up.

Genres: Memoir, Book Club, Nonfiction

245 pages, Paperback

Published September 16, 2019

Reviews

[Laura Bentley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a page turner and a must-read. Manley is a true survivor of poverty and hardship, and her determination to succeed has been rewarded many times over. Her father, who lost his leg in a train accident when he was sixteen, managed to keep his children together and put food on the table. It is humbling and inspiring to read about how five-year-old Kathy and her father gathered left-over coal, blackberries, scrap iron, and sold pencils in front of a dime store in Logan, West Virginia. Their adventures in a beat-up truck called the Blue Goose will transport you and make you love her father’s ingenuity and his unfailing love for his children.

[Francine Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot believe this book doesn’t have a million more reviews. This memoir is truly a page turner and the characters (real people) are so vividly depicted. The author takes us into her life growing up in extreme poverty, the simple pleasures she enjoyed and life lessons her dad taught her. There were some stories so shocking...I can’t imagine a child enduring as she did. You will definitely gasp while reading this book and I highly recommend it.

[Ruth Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Kathy Manley’s memoir of growing up in poverty in West Virginia she vividly details the events and hardships she encountered while always maintaining a resilience that life would improve. I highly recommend this book.

[Peacegal · Rating 4 out of 5]

I ended up liking this one more than I was expecting to. Well-written and full of period detail, this is the story of a coal camp family's experience navigating a hardscrabble life in Logan, WV, beginning in the 1950s.

As with most childhood memoirs, I felt COLD began to lose steam as young Kathy grows up, becomes more independent, and goes out into the world on her own. That's of no fault of the author, of course, and I was glad she could pursue her dreams and get away from the crushing poverty that enveloped so much of her community growing up.

Unfortunately, an individual who comes to play a significant role in the last part of the book is an avid hunter, and stories about his "adventures" killing small, nonthreatening animals show up in the text. I don't find the inclusion of this content surprising, given the story's time and place, as well as the fact that Kathy doesn't seem to have any significant bond with animals at any point in the text; they seem to be outside of her usual circle of concern. That said, it doesn't make reading "quirky" stories about the person driving around with dead animals in his vehicle any more pleasant reading for me. Thankfully, this is overall a small part of the book.

It will be interesting to see what my book club thinks of this one. I suspect they will enjoy it, but I'm really hoping it doesn't lend itself to cringey political talk about "good" poor people (those who lived 60 years ago) vs. "bad" ones (anyone living today).

[Mindy Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. It was a very quick but impactful read.

[Susan Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book in two days. I was so moved by her story of living in poverty in Appalachia. Despite being born decades after her, I share so many Appalachian memories and experiences.

[Sam Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully descriptive story - I felt like I was there with her.

[Marie Parks Gaffney · Rating 5 out of 5]

If i hadn’t grown up poor in Appalachia and heard the stories of my parents and grandparents about the struggles of everyday life -I wouldn’t have been able to believe and feel this authors story . Heartbreaking and inspiring .

[Lois Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing view of growing up in poverty through the eyes of a child. Her story of survival and triumph are inspiring. This book pulled me through page by page. Excellent !

[Sharon Snider · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the most heartwarming books I’ve read! If you come out of this book and not be a better person, you might as well give it up. I grew up a county over from Kathy. My dad died when I was five. There were five children left and my mom. I thought we grew up poor. Not so, compared to this family. This should be a must read for everyone. We have no idea what hard living is. I was born the same year as the author. Graduated from Berea and taught school. Read this book. It will make you a better person. Thank you for sharing this with us, Kathy.

[Anne Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an inspiring memoir. Considering so many people adopt “victim mentality “ because they aren’t raised in a higher social-economic class, Manley proves that love from just one parent plus pluck and determination and education can lift a person out of poverty. No, it wasn’t easy for her but despite wanting at times to chuck it all, she kept plodding away, working hard, taking on adult responsibilities at a young age and never giving up. I highly recommend this book. This writing is fairly basic but the story is so inspiring and left me tears-eyed at the end.

[John Tipper · Rating 4 out of 5]

With crisp and clear language, Manley composed a remarkable memoir. It's highly detailed; she must have kept a journal growing up in Kanawha and Logan Counties, West Virginia. It's a story of being mired in indigence. John, the father, lost his leg trying to hop a train going to Kentucky. He worked as a dynamite loader for a coal company, until an accident took part of one his hands. He and his wife Rosa struggle to feed their family of five. Kathy is the oldest and works a lot with John, picking up coal pieces around tipples, where the coal is loaded onto trains or trucks. The two of them go door to door, selling the lumps of coal. John gets a meager check from welfare. Kathy does well in school, determined to make something of herself. Mommy (Rosa) is a troubled soul, and when Kathy is a teenager, she ups and leaves the family. Packs a suitcase and gets in a cab, heads for Ohio. Kathy is thrust into having to keep house and cook for her siblings and daddy. But she overcomes barriers and lands part-time work with the school system as a typist/clerk. This is a story about triumphing over hard times.

[Ann Lester · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this wonderful book several months ago and I enjoyed every minute of it! Once you begin reading this book, you will find it very difficult to put down. As soon as I heard the name of the book, I immediately knew what she meant. At a young age helping her daddy anyway possible she did it! I couldn't believe how excited Katherine became when there was a hard rain. You'll understand once you're into the book. When we were in elementary school many of my friends would go to the city dump to find treasure. This was back in the 50's. We definitely were not looking for a piece of wood that could be turned into a prosthetic. I cried, I laughed so much! And I'm sharing this story to as many people that will listen! Kathy visits different schools and tells them her story. I had the privilege to go to one of her readings at a local library and ohhhhh my goodness, she is so fascinating and funny! I wish this book could be made into a movie!!!!!!! Do yourself a big favor and read this awesome
book!

[Esme · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book while I was on vacation in Charleston, West Virginia at an independently owned bookstore. I always like to buy local authors when I’m in the area since you don’t usually find these titles elsewhere. I really enjoyed this book. It is a collection of short essays that fit together well in time order and thematically so you aren’t having to recalibrate yourself every few pages to figure out when and where you are. A quick read with evocative imagery.

The only part I would have liked to have seen more from her is her reconciliation with her mother. Her mother abandons the family when the author is a teen because she just can’t stand living in poverty anymore. The author steps up and does all the chores, works, along with doing her schoolwork, to keep the family going. Later in life, when the mother is dying of cancer, she returns home to her children. That had to be difficult. I would have liked a chapter on how that came about. There had to be some anger and resentment there.

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

An unflinching portrait of an Appalachian childhood from the late 1950s - to early 1970s. It is amazing that such abject poverty existed (I have to hope does not still exist) and the privations that the family endured.

The memoir consists of short chapters of mostly stand-alone stories- some just a page or two. It is the type of book you can either read straight through, or put down and pick up as time allows. Manley shows remarkable insight and compassion for her subjects and the subject matter. Incredibly, there is also a great deal of humor conveyed in the stories.

I would have rated this book a 5, but the last few chapters were not as engaging as the preceding ones. If only it had stopped after the "Graduation Day" chapter, with an epilogue giving updates on both the author and the other primary characters. Speaking of which, there was much that was left unanswered. Where exactly did her mother go in Ohio and what exactly was she doing there? Did she run off with another man? That was implied but never confirmed. How did the author's siblings turn out? Did they, too, better themselves?

While I'm glad Manley clawed her way out of poverty into an education and a life she presumably wanted, I'm a little sad that she married the first boy who showed her the slightest attention. A boy whom by her own storytelling was not kind or considerate and did not appear to treat her with courtesy and respect. She went from unceasing labor for the family she was born into to laboring for the family she created.

Manley's father comes off as the more sympathetic parent, but I'm not so sure. He was 20 years older than her mother, marrying a young girl just out of her teens. And then consigning her to a life of unremitting work both inside and outside the home, and never-ending grueling poverty. While it's never a badge of honor to abandon your children, I'm surprised the mother endured as long as she did before leaving.

And while the father came across as hard-working and of good character, I'm not so sure about that either. Although disabled, he could repair or replace almost anything. Skills included automechanics and virtually every aspect of construction from plumbing to painting. But his main sources of income was a welfare check and begging. I saw no evidence that he ever tried to parlay his considerable skills into paying jobs, during the years his health permitted.

Manley stated she was happy to help her father on his various money-making endeavors and that she was proud to help support the family, but far too much was expected from her at far too young an age.

[Neva Liv · Rating 4 out of 5]

I never would have picked this book up myself, but I actually really enjoyed reading it. It's a story poverty for sure, but it never tries to make you feel guilt and in general is a very uplifting story. The book is also very easy to read since it's written in chronological order with tons of descriptions.

[Deb Higginbotham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a relatable book for me growing up in the same era in wv and struggling with poverty and attempts at upward mobility. Very powerful

[Drema]

Outstanding story of resilience and family and love. The majority of people can identify with this book of life struggle and feel Kathy's life is partly their own.

[Brian Lester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant and well written.

[Lauren Woodworth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was captivating and the author brought us into her world. I loved the tone of the book and how the author highlighted the resiliency, especially the hard work of her father and her.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tragic. All about resilience.

[Chapter · Rating 4 out of 5]

West Virginia
coal camps
welfare
physical disabilities
garbage dumps
big ben, London, England
left-handedness
mother abandonment
wedding in the 70's

[Allyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book. Wow, just wow. To go through the entire human emotional experience in 244 pages. This is a book of hope and resilience. Well done.

[Kimberly Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book, met the author ! Book of resilience !

[bella · Rating 5 out of 5]

So absolutely gut wrenching. I got to meet the author and I love her she’s a great person

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! I was born and raised in WV and I could relate to a lot of the stories in this book. It brought back memories.

[Susan Knight · Rating 5 out of 5]

Devastatingly Wonderful!

[Hannah Guschel · Rating 5 out of 5]

AMAZING!!!!

[Andrea Proper · Rating 3 out of 5]

Starts out great but the last third really drags. The parts about her childhood are poignant and sad but it seems the story runs out of steam as she became a teen and young adult.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!
Being from WV really connected to this story.