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The Other Mother: A Wickedly Honest Parenting Tale for Every Kind of Family
'Hysterical, important, moving, wonderful' Sara Pascoe I'm Jen Brister, stand-up comedian, middle-aged adolescent and, more recently, a mum. But not that mum – I'm the other one. Confused? Let’s back up a bit. Two years ago, my partner (a woman – we're not solicitors) gave birth to twins. Yes. Yes. Already there’s a lot to take in here: gay mums, twins, solicitors… (I know! Believe me, I’m still reeling myself.) Like every new parent, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Add ‘gay’ and ‘non-biological’ to the mix and what do you get? Not a weird box of detergent, but a panicked beige lesbian desperately googling, ‘Will my babies love me?’ at 3 a.m. This is a book for any parent who feels they don’t fit the mould of a traditional 2.4 family. Stand-up comedian Jen Brister takes a very funny, very honest look at life as a parent: from IVF awfulness to crying over the pages of sleep training manuals. As ‘the other mother’ she has the perfect vantage point for us to laugh and cry alongside her.
288 pages, Paperback
Published December 1, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 90 reviews
December 8, 2024
Very relatable (satirical) parenting content.
July 15, 2020
I expected this book to focus on the perspective of being the non-bio mom. It did speak from this perspective, but 90% of the book was the story of having twins and the stages of their life from conception through the toddler years and the antics that happen, the advice you get, etc.
The 10% of the book focusing on what it feels like to be “the other mom”revealed the author’s inner feelings - which is what I wanted. Overall, not the book I was expecting to read!
The 10% of the book focusing on what it feels like to be “the other mom”revealed the author’s inner feelings - which is what I wanted. Overall, not the book I was expecting to read!
December 7, 2020
I was expecting a lot more content about being the non birth mother but unfortunately (as other reviewers have rightly said) it was more about the highs and lows of parenting. For a soon to be non birth mum myself and with no where else to look for resources this was somewhat a disappointment.
July 11, 2021
As others have commented this book is more about general parenting experience and less about life as the other mother. I probably wouldn’t have read it if I realised that before half way through
September 28, 2023
Absolutely adorable and laugh out loud funny!
Completely disagree with other reviewers who thought it needed more content on the experience of being a non biological mother. I really feel that a large part of being a non biological mother is just being a mother. Because at the end of the day, motherhood is motherhood.
And Jen (honestly feel like we're on first name basis considering how the writing read like an e-mail, albeit a long one, from a friend) relaying the emotional challenges of being "the other mother" alongside the everyday challenges of being a mother* only proves my point.
* mother, not just a parent, but a mother. It's clear from Jen's experiences that the parental behavior expected from a cis-man in a heterosexual relationship ("the other parent"/ father) is very different from the expectations set for a mother, biological or "the other". Whoever thought that gender doesn't impact non-heteronormative couplings thought wrong.
Completely disagree with other reviewers who thought it needed more content on the experience of being a non biological mother. I really feel that a large part of being a non biological mother is just being a mother. Because at the end of the day, motherhood is motherhood.
And Jen (honestly feel like we're on first name basis considering how the writing read like an e-mail, albeit a long one, from a friend) relaying the emotional challenges of being "the other mother" alongside the everyday challenges of being a mother* only proves my point.
* mother, not just a parent, but a mother. It's clear from Jen's experiences that the parental behavior expected from a cis-man in a heterosexual relationship ("the other parent"/ father) is very different from the expectations set for a mother, biological or "the other". Whoever thought that gender doesn't impact non-heteronormative couplings thought wrong.
April 3, 2020
I'm very generously giving this three stars. I really liked how the book started. It got boring and repetitive in the middle. I feel like it was less "the other mother" and more "this is parenting."
November 6, 2019
I first saw Jen Brister performing stand up in the Vauxhall Tavern in the summer, where she mentioned her book first. I loved her style, loved her jokes (especially those about family) so I thought I would read the book. Although Jen Brister's perspective on motherhood is different from mine, I totally enjoyed her story of the lows and highs of parenting. from broken biscuits, the constant boredom of solitary walks and playgrounds, to the constant worry that we are somehow not enough, this book is funny, truthful and full of anecdotes that instantly make you feel better about your attitudes towards parenting and people who give you unsolicited advice and comments. Oh, and also Perfect Mothers. Perfect Mothers of perfect Children who love quinoa and sleep through the night. Yup, you all know them. So, if you want to find out what it is like to become a parenting unit, who needs to tackle not only the day to day mundane challenges of raising your kids, but also needs to deal with loads of other issues (see unsolicited advice and comments), read this book and instantly feel better.
September 2, 2019
I found this hard work. Jen seemed to spend the whole book moaning. I know it was about mothering and the things that it involved but until towards the end she didn't mention much positive things about parenting and it was depressing. I kept reading because I was curious how it would end up.
Thanks goes to net galley and the publishers for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review
Thanks goes to net galley and the publishers for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review
April 8, 2023
BABIES!!!! So weird reading about birth from the other perspective 🤔 lovely, witty account on raising twins as a queer mother - from the beginning!
Read
July 2, 2023Maybe becoming a parent doesn’t seem like a good idea after all…
Read
January 20, 2026Insitful, entretaining, funny and very honest perspective from Parenthood
July 22, 2023
2.5*. Like a lot of the reviews said - disappointing that there wasn’t more of the “otherness” in this book. It just felt like a regular parenting book, and I’ve read enough of them.
August 13, 2024
A wonderful, refreshing account, extremely funny and real in places, took me back for sure xxx
June 7, 2025
i was really looking forward to this read, but i hate to say that i was disappointed. I wanted more re the experience of the "other mother". Sadly i found this generic and surface level. Deffo need to find more reflective accounts of the experience of non-birthing moms.
rating it 3 stars cause i love Jen Brister and don't want to bring down her avg, but in my heart it was a 2 at best 😥
rating it 3 stars cause i love Jen Brister and don't want to bring down her avg, but in my heart it was a 2 at best 😥
September 13, 2026
The Other Mother is a very funny memoir about IVF, queer parenthood, and the terrifying discovery that bringing home twins does not automatically turn a person into a calm, competent grown-up. Jen Brister writes with the kind of bluntness that makes you laugh first and then feel slightly guilty for laughing because, underneath the jokes, she is describing genuine fear, exhaustion, insecurity, and the unnerving fact that tiny people can apparently dismantle an adult’s entire sense of self before breakfast.
Brister and her wife, Chloe, have built a happy life together before deciding to have children. The decision is not presented as some inevitable next square on the approved adult-life board game, which is refreshing. They want a child, then the process of IVF begins, and the practical, emotional, and bodily complications of making that happen arrive with all the glamour of an administrative nightmare. Chloe carries the pregnancy, while Brister becomes increasingly aware that she will occupy a different, more ambiguous role: the non-biological mother, the person who will love the children but cannot rely on the obvious social shorthand of pregnancy and birth to validate that relationship.
Then Chloe becomes pregnant with twins, because apparently one enormous life change was not sufficiently dramatic. The twin pregnancy sharpens everything: the pressure, the anticipatory dread, the preparations, and Brister’s fear that she may not be as naturally connected to the babies as Chloe is. The title captures that anxiety well. Brister is not “other” in the sense of being less committed or less loving, but she feels other because so much of the language and imagery around pregnancy, motherhood, and family still assumes a heterosexual couple and a biologically straightforward path to parenthood.
One of the book’s strengths is that Brister does not pretend love instantly makes all of this uncomplicated. She worries about whether she will bond properly with the twins, whether she is entitled to call herself their mother with the same certainty Chloe can, and whether she is somehow failing a test everyone else seems to have revised for. There is something especially honest about her discomfort with the conventional performance of motherhood. She does not suddenly become serene, endlessly patient, or delighted by every grim little milestone. She remains Jen Brister: anxious, funny, tired, defensive, observant, and often one badly timed comment away from mentally leaving the building.
After the twins arrive, the memoir becomes a record of the chaos of early parenthood. Brister describes the sleep deprivation, the crying, the baffling abundance of contradictory childcare advice, and the general feeling that every book, expert, and well meaning acquaintance has a different theory about how not to ruin your children. The image of adults crying over sleep-training manuals in the middle of the night feels believable because the book understands that exhausted parents are expected to make high-stakes decisions while operating on almost no sleep and being shouted at by someone who cannot yet explain what they want.
The memoir is particularly good on boredom, which is not a word parenting narratives tend to embrace with enthusiasm. Brister is willing to say that caring for babies can be repetitive, tedious, isolating, and mentally draining even when you adore them. That honesty does not make her seem cold. If anything, it makes the book more humane. Loving children and not enjoying every second of caring for them are not opposing positions, however much the culture of compulsory parental bliss might prefer everyone to stop mentioning that.
Chloe is necessarily central to the story, although this is Brister’s account of their family rather than an attempt to narrate Chloe’s inner life for her. Chloe goes through the physically demanding process of IVF, pregnancy, and childbirth, while Brister has to reckon with the fact that supporting a partner through those experiences does not remove her own fears. Their relationship is tested by exhaustion and the sheer logistical absurdity of twins, but the book does not treat those pressures as evidence that their relationship is deficient. It treats them as pressures, which is much more convincing.
Brister also makes a thoughtful choice in keeping the twins themselves at a respectful distance. They are “Twin 1” and “Twin 2,” rather than fully exposed children whose identities and private lives are offered up for a few more amusing anecdotes. The stories are about what their arrival does to Brister: how they disrupt her routines, challenge her assumptions, force her to confront her own selfishness and vulnerability, and eventually make her understand motherhood in a less abstract and more hard-won way. The twins are present, vividly so, but they are not made responsible for entertaining the reader.
The emotional arc is not one of Brister transforming into a faultless parent who has solved the mystery of family life. Thank God. By the end, she has not discovered a secret reserve of maternal perfection, nor has she stopped finding aspects of parenting ridiculous and difficult. What changes is her confidence in her place within the family. She comes to understand that being a mother is not dependent on having carried the twins, performing femininity or domesticity in some approved way, or feeling joyful every hour of the day. It is built through care, presence, endurance, responsibility, and the daily decision to keep showing up even when everyone is tired and somebody has vomited on something expensive.
The comedy is what makes the difficult material readable, but it is not merely decorative. Brister uses humor to puncture the sentimental lies surrounding pregnancy and parenting, especially the assumption that a family must resemble the traditional “2.4 children” model to be legitimate. She also directs much of the joke at herself, which keeps the memoir from feeling preachy. She is not arguing that her family is exceptional because it is different. She is arguing, more persuasively, that all families are strange, fragile, exhausting little ecosystems, and that pretending otherwise helps no one.
I appreciated that *The Other Mother* never becomes a manual, a manifesto, or an extended plea for readers to congratulate Brister for surviving parenthood. It is simply a sharp, openhearted account of someone trying to become a mother while feeling deeply suspicious that the job description was written for somebody else. The book is funniest when it is at its most specific, and most moving when Brister allows the jokes to give way to the real fear underneath them. It is a memoir for parents, prospective parents, queer readers, and anyone who has ever looked at a supposedly normal adult milestone and thought, with increasing alarm, “Surely somebody is going to notice that I have no idea what I am doing.”
Brister and her wife, Chloe, have built a happy life together before deciding to have children. The decision is not presented as some inevitable next square on the approved adult-life board game, which is refreshing. They want a child, then the process of IVF begins, and the practical, emotional, and bodily complications of making that happen arrive with all the glamour of an administrative nightmare. Chloe carries the pregnancy, while Brister becomes increasingly aware that she will occupy a different, more ambiguous role: the non-biological mother, the person who will love the children but cannot rely on the obvious social shorthand of pregnancy and birth to validate that relationship.
Then Chloe becomes pregnant with twins, because apparently one enormous life change was not sufficiently dramatic. The twin pregnancy sharpens everything: the pressure, the anticipatory dread, the preparations, and Brister’s fear that she may not be as naturally connected to the babies as Chloe is. The title captures that anxiety well. Brister is not “other” in the sense of being less committed or less loving, but she feels other because so much of the language and imagery around pregnancy, motherhood, and family still assumes a heterosexual couple and a biologically straightforward path to parenthood.
One of the book’s strengths is that Brister does not pretend love instantly makes all of this uncomplicated. She worries about whether she will bond properly with the twins, whether she is entitled to call herself their mother with the same certainty Chloe can, and whether she is somehow failing a test everyone else seems to have revised for. There is something especially honest about her discomfort with the conventional performance of motherhood. She does not suddenly become serene, endlessly patient, or delighted by every grim little milestone. She remains Jen Brister: anxious, funny, tired, defensive, observant, and often one badly timed comment away from mentally leaving the building.
After the twins arrive, the memoir becomes a record of the chaos of early parenthood. Brister describes the sleep deprivation, the crying, the baffling abundance of contradictory childcare advice, and the general feeling that every book, expert, and well meaning acquaintance has a different theory about how not to ruin your children. The image of adults crying over sleep-training manuals in the middle of the night feels believable because the book understands that exhausted parents are expected to make high-stakes decisions while operating on almost no sleep and being shouted at by someone who cannot yet explain what they want.
The memoir is particularly good on boredom, which is not a word parenting narratives tend to embrace with enthusiasm. Brister is willing to say that caring for babies can be repetitive, tedious, isolating, and mentally draining even when you adore them. That honesty does not make her seem cold. If anything, it makes the book more humane. Loving children and not enjoying every second of caring for them are not opposing positions, however much the culture of compulsory parental bliss might prefer everyone to stop mentioning that.
Chloe is necessarily central to the story, although this is Brister’s account of their family rather than an attempt to narrate Chloe’s inner life for her. Chloe goes through the physically demanding process of IVF, pregnancy, and childbirth, while Brister has to reckon with the fact that supporting a partner through those experiences does not remove her own fears. Their relationship is tested by exhaustion and the sheer logistical absurdity of twins, but the book does not treat those pressures as evidence that their relationship is deficient. It treats them as pressures, which is much more convincing.
Brister also makes a thoughtful choice in keeping the twins themselves at a respectful distance. They are “Twin 1” and “Twin 2,” rather than fully exposed children whose identities and private lives are offered up for a few more amusing anecdotes. The stories are about what their arrival does to Brister: how they disrupt her routines, challenge her assumptions, force her to confront her own selfishness and vulnerability, and eventually make her understand motherhood in a less abstract and more hard-won way. The twins are present, vividly so, but they are not made responsible for entertaining the reader.
The emotional arc is not one of Brister transforming into a faultless parent who has solved the mystery of family life. Thank God. By the end, she has not discovered a secret reserve of maternal perfection, nor has she stopped finding aspects of parenting ridiculous and difficult. What changes is her confidence in her place within the family. She comes to understand that being a mother is not dependent on having carried the twins, performing femininity or domesticity in some approved way, or feeling joyful every hour of the day. It is built through care, presence, endurance, responsibility, and the daily decision to keep showing up even when everyone is tired and somebody has vomited on something expensive.
The comedy is what makes the difficult material readable, but it is not merely decorative. Brister uses humor to puncture the sentimental lies surrounding pregnancy and parenting, especially the assumption that a family must resemble the traditional “2.4 children” model to be legitimate. She also directs much of the joke at herself, which keeps the memoir from feeling preachy. She is not arguing that her family is exceptional because it is different. She is arguing, more persuasively, that all families are strange, fragile, exhausting little ecosystems, and that pretending otherwise helps no one.
I appreciated that *The Other Mother* never becomes a manual, a manifesto, or an extended plea for readers to congratulate Brister for surviving parenthood. It is simply a sharp, openhearted account of someone trying to become a mother while feeling deeply suspicious that the job description was written for somebody else. The book is funniest when it is at its most specific, and most moving when Brister allows the jokes to give way to the real fear underneath them. It is a memoir for parents, prospective parents, queer readers, and anyone who has ever looked at a supposedly normal adult milestone and thought, with increasing alarm, “Surely somebody is going to notice that I have no idea what I am doing.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 5, 2022
Comedian Jen Brister writes about her personal experience of motherhood from the time she and her partner Chloe decide to have children, through the birth of their twin sons and those early sleepless nights, up to the boys reaching four years old. She shares the highs and lows of that time, the expectations of others and also her own misguided expectations, and how what she has learned in that time has shaped her current perspective.
As you would expect from a comedian, Brister writes with wit and peppers her narrative with funny episodes. Her tone is honest and open, inviting the reader to empathise and engage with her and her situations. I particularly enjoyed the times when she wrote about being a non-biological parent - the careless assumptions of others, her feelings as she bonded with her sons, the way she viewed her partner as a mother - as these made the book original and heartwarming.
For me, too much of the book actually veered away from these personal reflections and became a kind of parenting manual, with the kind of preachy advice that Brister herself claims to dislike, and these parts were much less amusing and have been covered just as well, if not better, by other authors. So I liked the writing style and the personal elements more than the guide to being a mother.
As you would expect from a comedian, Brister writes with wit and peppers her narrative with funny episodes. Her tone is honest and open, inviting the reader to empathise and engage with her and her situations. I particularly enjoyed the times when she wrote about being a non-biological parent - the careless assumptions of others, her feelings as she bonded with her sons, the way she viewed her partner as a mother - as these made the book original and heartwarming.
For me, too much of the book actually veered away from these personal reflections and became a kind of parenting manual, with the kind of preachy advice that Brister herself claims to dislike, and these parts were much less amusing and have been covered just as well, if not better, by other authors. So I liked the writing style and the personal elements more than the guide to being a mother.
January 31, 2021
The Other Mother was a funny book that kept me engaged and entertained.
The blurb heavily played the ‘other mum’ / non bio parenting experience, and why I picked up this book, however this took a backseat to the general parenting experience. Ultimately, I was expecting a greater dive into the ‘other Mother’ dynamic, but it’s hard to fault someone telling their story, as it’s just that, theirs.
The blurb heavily played the ‘other mum’ / non bio parenting experience, and why I picked up this book, however this took a backseat to the general parenting experience. Ultimately, I was expecting a greater dive into the ‘other Mother’ dynamic, but it’s hard to fault someone telling their story, as it’s just that, theirs.
October 21, 2019
Brister’s experience through parenthood is written in a hilarious and catchy way. It’s hard to put down once you’ve started. An eye opener for those who do not yet have kids and a pioneering non fiction book about a two-mother family setup, but in the end this book is about parenthood above all else, whatever form it comes in.
August 1, 2024
Autobiografisches Buch über das Leben als "die andere Mutter" in einer lesbischen Familie. Jen Brister erzählt -sehr unterhaltsam und ehrlich- davon wie es ist die Mutter zu sein, die die Kinder nicht ausgetragen hat und allgemein davon wie es ist mit kleinen Kindern zu leben. Ich mag den trockenen Humor sehr gerne.
August 19, 2022
Too light/surface level. Not really about being the other mother, just about her general parenting experience.
July 30, 2019
It is important to point out before I start this review that I don't actually have kids but I do a) work with children and b) enjoy reading, so those are my main qualifications for this book review.
The first thing I'd like to say is that for the full experience of this book you really need to watch some of Jen Brister's comedy first (try this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0eeK...). She has such a distinct way with words that once she's in your head she will continue to narrate not only the rest of the book for you but, probably, the rest of your life. You're welcome.
I really enjoyed this book. From the first few lines, everything about it is drenched in the love that Brister so obviously has for her family, which is beautiful. The way she writes highlights her love for them even when, at times, things are (quite literally) shitty, and you just can't underestimate how heartwarming and reassuring that is.
From the perspective of someone who doesn't have children, I can't comment on the love between a parent (biological or not) and their offspring, but what I can say is that Brister talks about relationships and forming bonds with people, in general, in a very candid and accessible way that leaves you feeling less alone, whether you are dealing with nappies and NCT groups in your day to day life or not.
She demonstrates the importance of support, the importance of being true to how you feel and of course, of finding the humour in any given situation... or at least being able to find it a few years down the line.
I like the fact that she is so open and honest in what she says, and I think that how she writes is completely different to what you will have read before, whether that be in non-fiction books such as self-help books or parenting guides or just listening to her do her stand up. There is a new level of honesty that is reached when you talk about your children's shit in black and white, printed, bound and on sale to the masses. And I think that's a testament to her confidence and competence as a parent that she is happy and feels secure enough to be able to talk about that, like how aware she is of her own limitations and how she uses not only her weaknesses but also her strengths to make you feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to raise twins, regardless of any other hurdles or added complications that may come with anyone's personal situation, whether that be through IVF conception or prematurity or parental disagreements. Quite frankly, this book has given me a deeper appreciation for not only the parents that I work with but also of literally any parent that I see pushing a pram down the high street.
Also, there are definitely elements of this book that will work in a contraceptive capacity for many teens out there. So, definitely bear that in mind as a secondary use for this frankly hilarious take on what it means to be a parent in the 21st century.
The first thing I'd like to say is that for the full experience of this book you really need to watch some of Jen Brister's comedy first (try this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0eeK...). She has such a distinct way with words that once she's in your head she will continue to narrate not only the rest of the book for you but, probably, the rest of your life. You're welcome.
I really enjoyed this book. From the first few lines, everything about it is drenched in the love that Brister so obviously has for her family, which is beautiful. The way she writes highlights her love for them even when, at times, things are (quite literally) shitty, and you just can't underestimate how heartwarming and reassuring that is.
From the perspective of someone who doesn't have children, I can't comment on the love between a parent (biological or not) and their offspring, but what I can say is that Brister talks about relationships and forming bonds with people, in general, in a very candid and accessible way that leaves you feeling less alone, whether you are dealing with nappies and NCT groups in your day to day life or not.
She demonstrates the importance of support, the importance of being true to how you feel and of course, of finding the humour in any given situation... or at least being able to find it a few years down the line.
I like the fact that she is so open and honest in what she says, and I think that how she writes is completely different to what you will have read before, whether that be in non-fiction books such as self-help books or parenting guides or just listening to her do her stand up. There is a new level of honesty that is reached when you talk about your children's shit in black and white, printed, bound and on sale to the masses. And I think that's a testament to her confidence and competence as a parent that she is happy and feels secure enough to be able to talk about that, like how aware she is of her own limitations and how she uses not only her weaknesses but also her strengths to make you feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to raise twins, regardless of any other hurdles or added complications that may come with anyone's personal situation, whether that be through IVF conception or prematurity or parental disagreements. Quite frankly, this book has given me a deeper appreciation for not only the parents that I work with but also of literally any parent that I see pushing a pram down the high street.
Also, there are definitely elements of this book that will work in a contraceptive capacity for many teens out there. So, definitely bear that in mind as a secondary use for this frankly hilarious take on what it means to be a parent in the 21st century.
December 31, 2019
Didn't know a lot about Jen Bristow before listening to this book. Knew she was funny, and am fairly sure I knew she had at least one son, having caught part of a set she did on Live At The Apollo. For what this is worth, also knew she was part of a group of comedians I instinctively like - a pal of Sara Pascoe, Sarah Millican, Suzi Ruffel and Jessica Fostekew.
This book explains a lot more about her life than I knew. Yes, she's a mother of, as it happens, twin sons (now around 4 or 5 years old), but the meaning of the title is that she's a lesbian in a committed relationship, whose girlfriend was the bio-carrier of the boys, so Brister has always seen herself as their 'other' mother.
From that premise, Jen Brister gives a lot in this book - a lot of honesty, a lot of laughter (some of it fairly dark), a lot of appraisal both of herself and her girlfriend Chloe, the process of IVF, the whole tedious conversation about the family dynamic initiated by cishet folk on a monotonous and regular basis, about the myths, the truths, the bullshit woo-pressures of being a parent to two kids simultaneously, and about doing it a) slightly later on the human energy curve than might be ideal (she was 40 when the kids were born, and is strikingly honest about the energy-sapping reality of that), and b) while struggling to turn herself from a barely self-supporting circuit comic and responsibility-repellant into a savings-possessor, known name in comedy and responsibily-facer-upper.
Bottom line, it's a book which in no way sets out to make her especially likeable, but through which her likeability seeps anyway, almost against her will. It's a book of laughter, logic and love which gives the hearty finger to pretentiousness and guff - which frankly feels like just the right mood with which to scream towards 2020. Recommended, this one. If you're a parent, some of it will strike shivers of remembrance or cameraderie fown your spine. If you're not, you'll still enjoy it while feeling slightly smug.
Have a dip into Jen Brister's life of motherhood - it'll make your life better.
This book explains a lot more about her life than I knew. Yes, she's a mother of, as it happens, twin sons (now around 4 or 5 years old), but the meaning of the title is that she's a lesbian in a committed relationship, whose girlfriend was the bio-carrier of the boys, so Brister has always seen herself as their 'other' mother.
From that premise, Jen Brister gives a lot in this book - a lot of honesty, a lot of laughter (some of it fairly dark), a lot of appraisal both of herself and her girlfriend Chloe, the process of IVF, the whole tedious conversation about the family dynamic initiated by cishet folk on a monotonous and regular basis, about the myths, the truths, the bullshit woo-pressures of being a parent to two kids simultaneously, and about doing it a) slightly later on the human energy curve than might be ideal (she was 40 when the kids were born, and is strikingly honest about the energy-sapping reality of that), and b) while struggling to turn herself from a barely self-supporting circuit comic and responsibility-repellant into a savings-possessor, known name in comedy and responsibily-facer-upper.
Bottom line, it's a book which in no way sets out to make her especially likeable, but through which her likeability seeps anyway, almost against her will. It's a book of laughter, logic and love which gives the hearty finger to pretentiousness and guff - which frankly feels like just the right mood with which to scream towards 2020. Recommended, this one. If you're a parent, some of it will strike shivers of remembrance or cameraderie fown your spine. If you're not, you'll still enjoy it while feeling slightly smug.
Have a dip into Jen Brister's life of motherhood - it'll make your life better.
February 8, 2021
Jen Brister (2019) THE OTHER MOTHER (AUDIOBOOK)
Kindle Book - Penguin Audio
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5 out of 5 stars
Audible write, "I'm Jen Brister, stand-up comedian, middle-aged adolescent and, more recently, a mum. But not that mum - I'm the other one. Confused? Let’s back up a bit. Two years ago, my partner (a woman - we're not solicitors) gave birth to twins. Yes. Yes. Already there’s a lot to take in here: gay mums, twins, solicitors... (I know! Believe me, I’m still reeling myself.) Like every new parent, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Add ‘gay’ and ‘non-biological’ to the mix and what do you get? Not a weird box of detergent, but a panicked beige lesbian desperately googling, ‘Will my babies love me?’ at 3 a.m. This is a book for any parent who feels they don’t fit the mould of a traditional 2.4 family. Stand-up comedian Jen Brister takes a very funny, very honest look at life as a parent: from IVF awfulness to crying over the pages of sleep training manuals. As ‘the other mother’ she has the perfect vantage point for us to laugh and cry alongside her."
Utterly brilliant. I love Jen Brister and will be the first to get a ticket to see her on stage doing her stand up. Her delivery is so dry and dead pan. And her sarcasm nay objective critiques are genius. Also great was this book really does give insight into LGBTQ, families, trying for kids, having kids etc. It's a very honest and candid blow-by-blow account of all the obstacles and stacked odds as well as the joys so-to-speak of the ever after. Jen Brister - sound as a bloody pound!
#JenBrister #TheOtherMother #JenBristerTheOtherMother #Book #Books #Read #Reads #Reading #BookShelf #Library #Review #Reviews #BookReview #BookReviews #GoodReads #Kindle #Audible #Audiobook #Audiobooks
Kindle Book - Penguin Audio
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5 out of 5 stars
Audible write, "I'm Jen Brister, stand-up comedian, middle-aged adolescent and, more recently, a mum. But not that mum - I'm the other one. Confused? Let’s back up a bit. Two years ago, my partner (a woman - we're not solicitors) gave birth to twins. Yes. Yes. Already there’s a lot to take in here: gay mums, twins, solicitors... (I know! Believe me, I’m still reeling myself.) Like every new parent, I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Add ‘gay’ and ‘non-biological’ to the mix and what do you get? Not a weird box of detergent, but a panicked beige lesbian desperately googling, ‘Will my babies love me?’ at 3 a.m. This is a book for any parent who feels they don’t fit the mould of a traditional 2.4 family. Stand-up comedian Jen Brister takes a very funny, very honest look at life as a parent: from IVF awfulness to crying over the pages of sleep training manuals. As ‘the other mother’ she has the perfect vantage point for us to laugh and cry alongside her."
Utterly brilliant. I love Jen Brister and will be the first to get a ticket to see her on stage doing her stand up. Her delivery is so dry and dead pan. And her sarcasm nay objective critiques are genius. Also great was this book really does give insight into LGBTQ, families, trying for kids, having kids etc. It's a very honest and candid blow-by-blow account of all the obstacles and stacked odds as well as the joys so-to-speak of the ever after. Jen Brister - sound as a bloody pound!
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July 25, 2019
Stand up comedian Jen Brister’s first novel focuses on her experience of entering motherhood with her partner, Chloe. Once Jen and Chloe have agreed that they would like to start a family, they begin making the hundreds of decisions every parent-to-be faces, with a few extras thrown in for being a gay couple. One of these decisions was that Chloe would undergo fertility treatment, and when their twins are conceived, Jen finds herself launched into the role of ‘the other mother’. Not the birth mother, not the biological mother, not the adoptive mother, but something other.
Beginning with the couple’s early days together and ending as their boys hit four, The Other Mother is an honest, thought-provoking read. From sperm shopping to the sleepless nights from hell, from the frustration of weaning to the mess of potty training, Brister writes about her experiences in a way that made me laugh out loud. The difference between this book and other parenting books peppered with comedy is that Brister talks openly about navigating the added complexities of parenthood when you are ‘other’. Within the hilarity (believe me, there are some absolute corkers) there is an important message about the fears we have as parents, however we may have become one. The blurb on the back cover says Brister has desperately Googled ‘will my babies love me?’ at 3am; and I think many parents, whether they fit the mould or not, will be able to relate to Brister’s own hopes and fears. A fantastic read and one I’ll go back to again and again.
Beginning with the couple’s early days together and ending as their boys hit four, The Other Mother is an honest, thought-provoking read. From sperm shopping to the sleepless nights from hell, from the frustration of weaning to the mess of potty training, Brister writes about her experiences in a way that made me laugh out loud. The difference between this book and other parenting books peppered with comedy is that Brister talks openly about navigating the added complexities of parenthood when you are ‘other’. Within the hilarity (believe me, there are some absolute corkers) there is an important message about the fears we have as parents, however we may have become one. The blurb on the back cover says Brister has desperately Googled ‘will my babies love me?’ at 3am; and I think many parents, whether they fit the mould or not, will be able to relate to Brister’s own hopes and fears. A fantastic read and one I’ll go back to again and again.
December 16, 2023
I love Jen Brister as a comedian. She is dark and blunt and honest in her stand-up, and she writes in very much a similar way in this book. I aquired this book assuming it was an extension of a comedy piece or her autobiography, and in a sense, it is a little bit of both, but mostly it is the telling of her becoming a mother.
It is interesting in the sense that it explores what a lesbian couple faces when trying to have their own child, and how much harder again it is for two gay men to have a child. She articulates what it is like to be the mother who doesn't birth the children. She discusses the difficulties of being a parent and how it changes your life. She does this with the honesty. She loves her kids and that is abundantly clear in the book and she loves her wife but she also acknowledges that it is not always perfect little happy family moments. She goes into great detail, emphasizing how much having children change your life and that you have to give up a lot of yourself for them.
She tells it how it is. She tells the good, and she tells the bad, and she delivers it with brilliant comedic flair. As someone who doesn't want to have children, though, I don't think I enjoyed this book as much as someone who wants to have children or who already has children would. It was a pretty quick read, though, so I did finish it, and like I said, it offered an interesting perspective on having and raising kids that you don't often hear about. Would I read this book again or recommend it to others? Probably not.
It is interesting in the sense that it explores what a lesbian couple faces when trying to have their own child, and how much harder again it is for two gay men to have a child. She articulates what it is like to be the mother who doesn't birth the children. She discusses the difficulties of being a parent and how it changes your life. She does this with the honesty. She loves her kids and that is abundantly clear in the book and she loves her wife but she also acknowledges that it is not always perfect little happy family moments. She goes into great detail, emphasizing how much having children change your life and that you have to give up a lot of yourself for them.
She tells it how it is. She tells the good, and she tells the bad, and she delivers it with brilliant comedic flair. As someone who doesn't want to have children, though, I don't think I enjoyed this book as much as someone who wants to have children or who already has children would. It was a pretty quick read, though, so I did finish it, and like I said, it offered an interesting perspective on having and raising kids that you don't often hear about. Would I read this book again or recommend it to others? Probably not.
March 23, 2023
We needed ten years to go from "We want children" to the birth of our first child. We went to fertility clinics, internet forums, and ultimately found our donour in a friend. I didn't give birth to my daughter, but stood beside her isolette in the NICU (she was a preemie) and was the first to touch her. The fear I had of losing her when my wife was bleeding during her second trimester is the moment I realised I was irrevocably a mum. I did give birth to my son.
This book would not have helped me when I was starting out as other mother - it's mostly 101 parenting things that don't really go beyond the first year, and really, I find babies to be mostly really intuitive. You learn to read their cues and they grow up to fit into your family. It's a process, and it's tiring and stressful at times, it requires tenacity, but it's hardly rocket science.
I really wish that parenting books wouldn't stop after the first year, which, to my mind, is when it gets really interesting. Panic mode is over, there is a new normal and a new routine in place that is different in every single families, people have settled into their new roles, there is a new person in the family. THIS is family life. And yet, so many books about parenting are about fertilisation, pregnancy, birth, and the baby years, and then you're apparently done.
This book would not have helped me when I was starting out as other mother - it's mostly 101 parenting things that don't really go beyond the first year, and really, I find babies to be mostly really intuitive. You learn to read their cues and they grow up to fit into your family. It's a process, and it's tiring and stressful at times, it requires tenacity, but it's hardly rocket science.
I really wish that parenting books wouldn't stop after the first year, which, to my mind, is when it gets really interesting. Panic mode is over, there is a new normal and a new routine in place that is different in every single families, people have settled into their new roles, there is a new person in the family. THIS is family life. And yet, so many books about parenting are about fertilisation, pregnancy, birth, and the baby years, and then you're apparently done.
January 10, 2023
I am so disappointed by the other reviews. Finally, a wickedly funny and real book and folks bust the ratings with low stars bc of their disappointment that this wasn’t the end-all treaties on being a non-birth mother.
Here is a note to those evaluating whether to read or not: just f*cking buy it and read it. Then give it to a friend. Then if enough people do this maybe Ms. Brister and be paid to do a set in SF and get the Netflix comedy special she deserves.
My wife and I have children with the last one coming under the wire when I was 4 days shy of 43. How often do I see myself and my family so truly depicted in stories? Never.
And to the author:
Saludos,
If you ever read this review please note that on two separate business trips to London, 6 months apart and completely by chance, I was picked up by the SAME black cab in London. Both times on my way to the airport, a lovely gent regaled me with stories of Brighton, telling me that I should place it on my TOP three places to visit ON EARTH. It must be quite a place. Little did I know until reading your book this week that it was queer as well.
Get thee to the lesbian tourism board.
Here is a note to those evaluating whether to read or not: just f*cking buy it and read it. Then give it to a friend. Then if enough people do this maybe Ms. Brister and be paid to do a set in SF and get the Netflix comedy special she deserves.
My wife and I have children with the last one coming under the wire when I was 4 days shy of 43. How often do I see myself and my family so truly depicted in stories? Never.
And to the author:
Saludos,
If you ever read this review please note that on two separate business trips to London, 6 months apart and completely by chance, I was picked up by the SAME black cab in London. Both times on my way to the airport, a lovely gent regaled me with stories of Brighton, telling me that I should place it on my TOP three places to visit ON EARTH. It must be quite a place. Little did I know until reading your book this week that it was queer as well.
Get thee to the lesbian tourism board.
Read
September 3, 2023I added this to my list way back when I listened to the Guilty Feminist and only just got round to actually finding a copy.
In The Other Mother, Brister explores the process of becoming a mum when you’re not the mum who gave birth.
This began as an intriguing look into the dynamics of same-sex parenthood, looking at how it can feel to be the parent who’s not pregnant or who didn’t bring the kids into the world. I found the honesty around Brister’s relationship to feel like fresh air, and she didn’t hide from sharing everything, even things which may not have been flattering but were real.
However, it did turn into just a bit of a moan about being a parent. There’s a lot of content on lack of sleep and a lot on dealing with poo. Frankly, these bits lost me and I found myself wanting to put the book down. There was a unique voice in parts, where in others it felt like I could just be listening to a friend complaining about the less glam parts of parenthood.
I did enjoy Brister’s snide comments on preachy parents and mumfluencers- as an absolute cynic, I’m here for that!
Overall, I wish this had been tighter and more insightful- it didn’t deliver what I’d signed up for.
In The Other Mother, Brister explores the process of becoming a mum when you’re not the mum who gave birth.
This began as an intriguing look into the dynamics of same-sex parenthood, looking at how it can feel to be the parent who’s not pregnant or who didn’t bring the kids into the world. I found the honesty around Brister’s relationship to feel like fresh air, and she didn’t hide from sharing everything, even things which may not have been flattering but were real.
However, it did turn into just a bit of a moan about being a parent. There’s a lot of content on lack of sleep and a lot on dealing with poo. Frankly, these bits lost me and I found myself wanting to put the book down. There was a unique voice in parts, where in others it felt like I could just be listening to a friend complaining about the less glam parts of parenthood.
I did enjoy Brister’s snide comments on preachy parents and mumfluencers- as an absolute cynic, I’m here for that!
Overall, I wish this had been tighter and more insightful- it didn’t deliver what I’d signed up for.
April 17, 2025
A brilliant book told from the perspective of the non-birth mother (the "other" mother) in a lesbian relationship. After some rounds of IVF, her wife gives birth to two wonderful twin boys.
I really liked her insights, her humourous take on things and how she talked about being a lesbian mother. I found a lot of her feelings very relatable. Her love for her children is apparent, and this is such an honest and intimate account on things that it captivates you. From IVF madness, to how children affect your career and mindset, to the little ones making your protective side bloom big time, to talking with fellow mums and making space for families like yours. So glad I stumbled upon this little gem.
The way she talks about how her children made her grow as a person and made her life better is brilliant and I loved it. It meant a lot to me to know that I was understood like that.
It also pleased me to know that the author is half Spanish, made me feel even more connected to her! Albeit she's quite more "woke" than I am, but still has a lot of common sense and a good head on her shoulders.
Great book for some parent to parent comfort and a good laugh.
I really liked her insights, her humourous take on things and how she talked about being a lesbian mother. I found a lot of her feelings very relatable. Her love for her children is apparent, and this is such an honest and intimate account on things that it captivates you. From IVF madness, to how children affect your career and mindset, to the little ones making your protective side bloom big time, to talking with fellow mums and making space for families like yours. So glad I stumbled upon this little gem.
The way she talks about how her children made her grow as a person and made her life better is brilliant and I loved it. It meant a lot to me to know that I was understood like that.
It also pleased me to know that the author is half Spanish, made me feel even more connected to her! Albeit she's quite more "woke" than I am, but still has a lot of common sense and a good head on her shoulders.
Great book for some parent to parent comfort and a good laugh.
July 5, 2019
Comedian Jen Brister is having a baby but she's not pregnant - she's the other mother.
This light and humorous book take us through Jen and partner Chloe deciding to get pregnant and their lives until their offspring turn four.
I won't give too much away but life throws Chloe and Jen a bit of an extra surprise and - as a child-free person - I was amused by her 'no shit' approach to, well, shit.
I do have to say I might avoid this if you're pregnant!!
There's also a serious side to this autobiography. What is your role as the other mother (not the one who gave birth) and how do you reconcile your own choices with the opinions of a pretty conservative world?
Jen Brister writes amusingly and this is a gentle read. I picked it up and put it down over a week and it was an amusing bedtime diversion into very different lives.
Ps. I particularly liked the description of holidays: I now appreciate their true worth without kids!
This light and humorous book take us through Jen and partner Chloe deciding to get pregnant and their lives until their offspring turn four.
I won't give too much away but life throws Chloe and Jen a bit of an extra surprise and - as a child-free person - I was amused by her 'no shit' approach to, well, shit.
I do have to say I might avoid this if you're pregnant!!
There's also a serious side to this autobiography. What is your role as the other mother (not the one who gave birth) and how do you reconcile your own choices with the opinions of a pretty conservative world?
Jen Brister writes amusingly and this is a gentle read. I picked it up and put it down over a week and it was an amusing bedtime diversion into very different lives.
Ps. I particularly liked the description of holidays: I now appreciate their true worth without kids!
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