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Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary
Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. Confessions of a Gay Priest divulges the clandestine inner workings of the seminary, providing an intimate and unapologetic look into the psychosexual and spiritual dynamics of celibacy and lays bare the “formation” system that perpetuates the cycle of abuse and cover-up that continues today. Under the guidance of a charismatic college campus minister, Rastrelli sought to reconcile his homosexuality and childhood sexual abuse. When he felt called to the priesthood, Rastrelli began the process of “priestly discernment.” Priests welcomed him into a confusing clerical culture where public displays of piety, celibacy, and homophobia masked a closeted underworld in which elder priests preyed upon young recruits. From there he ventured deeper into the seminary system seeking healing, hoping to help others, and striving not to live a double life. Trained to treat sexuality like an addiction, he and his brother seminarians lived in a world of cliques, competition, self-loathing, alcohol, hidden crushes, and closeted sex. Ultimately, the “formation” intended to make Rastrelli a compliant priest helped to liberate him.
328 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2020
21 people are currently reading
592 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
February 28, 2022
4.5 "glaringly honest, painful and ultimately liberating" stars !!!
2021 Honorable Mention Read
Thank you to Netgalley, the memoirist and University of Iowa Press for an e-copy. I am providing my honest review. This was released April 2020.
I want to thank Mr. Rastrelli for his courage, humility and perseverance in getting to a place where he could express his truths, honor himself and live a blessed life away from institutional abuses, transgressions and crimes done to him from his adolescence (by a pediatrician) to various clergy that took advantage of his trauma history, naivete and personality vulnerabilities to their own sexual advantage. Mr. Rastrelli has endured too much for one soul and I hope that he has healed sufficiently to enjoy his life with his husband and friends while he continues to do good for others.
This memoir shook me, moved me and gives me hope that those that have been hurt as youth can heal and have fairly happy and fulfilling lives.
May the remainder of your life be full of grace and peace Mr. Rastrelli and thank you for sharing your very painful narrative.
If you have a history of trauma--this may be very triggering so please have the appropriate supports by your side.
2021 Honorable Mention Read
Thank you to Netgalley, the memoirist and University of Iowa Press for an e-copy. I am providing my honest review. This was released April 2020.
I want to thank Mr. Rastrelli for his courage, humility and perseverance in getting to a place where he could express his truths, honor himself and live a blessed life away from institutional abuses, transgressions and crimes done to him from his adolescence (by a pediatrician) to various clergy that took advantage of his trauma history, naivete and personality vulnerabilities to their own sexual advantage. Mr. Rastrelli has endured too much for one soul and I hope that he has healed sufficiently to enjoy his life with his husband and friends while he continues to do good for others.
This memoir shook me, moved me and gives me hope that those that have been hurt as youth can heal and have fairly happy and fulfilling lives.
May the remainder of your life be full of grace and peace Mr. Rastrelli and thank you for sharing your very painful narrative.
If you have a history of trauma--this may be very triggering so please have the appropriate supports by your side.
April 14, 2020
The intensely conflicted struggle of faith and redemption amid the power of the Catholic Church is highlighted in this unforgettable memoir: “Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary” (2020) is written by Tom Rastrelli.
When Tom Rastrelli returned to his hometown in Clinton Iowa, he was enrolled at the University of Northern Iowa and studying the dramatic arts (1994-1996). Although he was raised in an observant Catholic home by his hardworking middle class parents; he was gay, closeted, lacking in self-esteem, and felt terribly shamed and diminished by childhood sexual abuse. Rastrelli’s decision to enter the priesthood didn’t happen with any amount of ease. As his faith and spirituality deepened, his resolve to follow the teachings of the church increased. Eventually Rastrelli realized he could serve and administer to a parish flock, with the priestly vows of celibacy offering a path towards redemption, keeping him right with God.
As he entered his local parish to study under the guidance of Father Scott Bell, Rastrelli quickly learned that behind closed doors the priests were not the noble holy men of public perception—and honoring the vows of celibacy was a priestly “journey” that wasn’t clearly or directly followed. It was surprising how one priest old enough to be Rastrelli’s grandfather could face himself in the mirror. Rastrelli was advised by Father Scott to watch the movie “Mass Appeal” (1984) -- also to date women and enter therapy designed to address his homosexual orientation—none of which seemed realistic or helpful.
The path that was strictly followed was the “Code of Silence” as the governing body and hierarchy within the church acted in its own best interests to protect itself from the disgrace of all public scandal. In 2001, Pope John Paul II issued a public apology for the child sexual abuse cases within the church that had been brought to public attention. The mistrust of church officials became apparent as members began leaving the Catholic church in greater numbers.
After becoming a priest and serving in a parish, Rastrelli experienced a crisis of faith that slowly led to a mental breakdown after a shocking cold and cruel rejection by someone he had deeply loved. Despite his own difficulties and serious issues within the priesthood, this is not a memoir of judgment, self-pity, or blame but rather of a true holy man that embarked on a spiritual journey that led to unexpected love, peace, and happiness. **With thanks and appreciation to the University of Iowa Press via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.
When Tom Rastrelli returned to his hometown in Clinton Iowa, he was enrolled at the University of Northern Iowa and studying the dramatic arts (1994-1996). Although he was raised in an observant Catholic home by his hardworking middle class parents; he was gay, closeted, lacking in self-esteem, and felt terribly shamed and diminished by childhood sexual abuse. Rastrelli’s decision to enter the priesthood didn’t happen with any amount of ease. As his faith and spirituality deepened, his resolve to follow the teachings of the church increased. Eventually Rastrelli realized he could serve and administer to a parish flock, with the priestly vows of celibacy offering a path towards redemption, keeping him right with God.
As he entered his local parish to study under the guidance of Father Scott Bell, Rastrelli quickly learned that behind closed doors the priests were not the noble holy men of public perception—and honoring the vows of celibacy was a priestly “journey” that wasn’t clearly or directly followed. It was surprising how one priest old enough to be Rastrelli’s grandfather could face himself in the mirror. Rastrelli was advised by Father Scott to watch the movie “Mass Appeal” (1984) -- also to date women and enter therapy designed to address his homosexual orientation—none of which seemed realistic or helpful.
The path that was strictly followed was the “Code of Silence” as the governing body and hierarchy within the church acted in its own best interests to protect itself from the disgrace of all public scandal. In 2001, Pope John Paul II issued a public apology for the child sexual abuse cases within the church that had been brought to public attention. The mistrust of church officials became apparent as members began leaving the Catholic church in greater numbers.
After becoming a priest and serving in a parish, Rastrelli experienced a crisis of faith that slowly led to a mental breakdown after a shocking cold and cruel rejection by someone he had deeply loved. Despite his own difficulties and serious issues within the priesthood, this is not a memoir of judgment, self-pity, or blame but rather of a true holy man that embarked on a spiritual journey that led to unexpected love, peace, and happiness. **With thanks and appreciation to the University of Iowa Press via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.
June 28, 2020
Tom Rastrelli's blistering memoir follows his journey as a young seminarian. A survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of his pediatrician, his call to the priesthood leads him into a labyrinth of confusing, torturous and undependable encounters in world of secrets. Rastrelli had always been aware of his attraction to other boys, but his abuse by his pediatrician immeasurably complicates his coming of age and acceptance of his gay identity. As with many abuse survivors, his sense of boundaries are confused, and he experienced both repulsion and physical response to his abusers, and he does not know where to put his love.
In the masculine world of the Church, he finds himself vulnerable to authority figures who do not keep their boundaries with him. His search for love and need for sex in that atmosphere is a tortured one. The depiction of priestly life as it is actually lived calls into question the entire notion of celibacy and how asking human beings endowed with sexual desire to live without outlet warps their lives--at best the need for secrecy, at worst more abuse. The memoir takes place as the church is being torn apart by abuse scandal, and the way his overt pleas for help from bishop and archbishop are set aside in the interest of the institution is truly maddening.
Sexual encounters are depicted bluntly, without coyness or prurient raciness--and make for a tough and honest read. You really feel for this idealistic young man who just wants to serve the Church and minister to people and live an honest life, but who has been altered by abuse, and then whose natural desires as a young gay man seen as unholy, while all around him, gay priests try every which way to deal with their own thwarted sexuality. Crippled by hypocrisy and church doctrine, there is no way to be 'straight' about themselves. The position of the church on homosexuality is presented as both painfully intransigent and completely at odds with the reality, and ultimately leads Rastrelli to have to find his own solutions. Quite a book.
In the masculine world of the Church, he finds himself vulnerable to authority figures who do not keep their boundaries with him. His search for love and need for sex in that atmosphere is a tortured one. The depiction of priestly life as it is actually lived calls into question the entire notion of celibacy and how asking human beings endowed with sexual desire to live without outlet warps their lives--at best the need for secrecy, at worst more abuse. The memoir takes place as the church is being torn apart by abuse scandal, and the way his overt pleas for help from bishop and archbishop are set aside in the interest of the institution is truly maddening.
Sexual encounters are depicted bluntly, without coyness or prurient raciness--and make for a tough and honest read. You really feel for this idealistic young man who just wants to serve the Church and minister to people and live an honest life, but who has been altered by abuse, and then whose natural desires as a young gay man seen as unholy, while all around him, gay priests try every which way to deal with their own thwarted sexuality. Crippled by hypocrisy and church doctrine, there is no way to be 'straight' about themselves. The position of the church on homosexuality is presented as both painfully intransigent and completely at odds with the reality, and ultimately leads Rastrelli to have to find his own solutions. Quite a book.
April 24, 2020
Oof. This was a particularly tough one to read, and even more difficult to review. Tom Rastrelli, a former Catholic priest, discusses exactly what is promised in the title: sex, love, abuse, and scandal in the church.
Tom was repeatedly sexually abused as an adolescent by his pediatrician, an odious man named Dr. Lauz. In his teenage years, Tom realizes that he is gay through experimentation with one of his friends, who engages sexually with Tom but is still deeply homophobic. When Tom goes to college, a sexually and vocationally confused musical theatre aficionado, his family guilts him into going back to church, expecting him to be the good Catholic boy they raised. He meets Father Scott Bell, a cheerful and youth-friendly priest who welcomes Tom back into the church.
During one of Father Scott's sermons on a gospel reading about Jesus healing a deaf man, Tom is awakened. He suddenly and powerfully feels the calling - Ephphatha! - to become a priest.
Thus begins Tom's arduous journey to priesthood. Father Scott takes him under his wing and has him do chores around the church, but the relationship is a mixed one, often emotionally manipulative. Tom continues to struggle with his sexuality, understanding the vow of celibacy to mean that he must curb his homosexual desires. He seeks therapy to do this, and needs many years of counseling to work through his abuse as a child. However, he still "acts out" many, many times - including with other priests.
It's difficult to know what is consensual or what is coerced in this book, as there is a massive gray area for the kinds of power dynamics between a priest and a seminarian. But more than anything, the lesson you take away from this book is that the institution of the Catholic Church - the hierarchy, the lack of transparency, the righteousness of priests, the constant sinning - is deplorable. Many of the priests in this book are clearly functioning alcoholics, and many have homosexual desires (while not calling themselves gay) that they act on despite the vow of celibacy. The abuse that Tom suffered was not really prosecutable in civil law, but certainly should have been in clerical law, but when Tom tried to report it, he was silenced, shut down, and summarily dismissed. Tom even found hard, cold proof that an associate pastor he replaced was viewing child porn and potentially participating in it himself, and his efforts to report it to the diocese were not only brushed off, but the diocese sent a representative to erase the proof on the hard drive.
It's frankly sad that the institution of the Church is so corrupt, because Tom genuinely seemed like a good person and a good priest, someone who cared about his parishioners and felt the vocation to help others find solace in Catholic teachings in the way he did. Yet the institution of the church and its patriarchic, hierarchic, iron-fist rule is what ultimately destroyed Tom's relationship with the priesthood and frankly led to Tom's general downfall.
This is a fascinating book and a great insider look into the Church from someone who saw it intimately. Thank you to University of Iowa Press for the ARC.
Tom was repeatedly sexually abused as an adolescent by his pediatrician, an odious man named Dr. Lauz. In his teenage years, Tom realizes that he is gay through experimentation with one of his friends, who engages sexually with Tom but is still deeply homophobic. When Tom goes to college, a sexually and vocationally confused musical theatre aficionado, his family guilts him into going back to church, expecting him to be the good Catholic boy they raised. He meets Father Scott Bell, a cheerful and youth-friendly priest who welcomes Tom back into the church.
During one of Father Scott's sermons on a gospel reading about Jesus healing a deaf man, Tom is awakened. He suddenly and powerfully feels the calling - Ephphatha! - to become a priest.
Thus begins Tom's arduous journey to priesthood. Father Scott takes him under his wing and has him do chores around the church, but the relationship is a mixed one, often emotionally manipulative. Tom continues to struggle with his sexuality, understanding the vow of celibacy to mean that he must curb his homosexual desires. He seeks therapy to do this, and needs many years of counseling to work through his abuse as a child. However, he still "acts out" many, many times - including with other priests.
It's difficult to know what is consensual or what is coerced in this book, as there is a massive gray area for the kinds of power dynamics between a priest and a seminarian. But more than anything, the lesson you take away from this book is that the institution of the Catholic Church - the hierarchy, the lack of transparency, the righteousness of priests, the constant sinning - is deplorable. Many of the priests in this book are clearly functioning alcoholics, and many have homosexual desires (while not calling themselves gay) that they act on despite the vow of celibacy. The abuse that Tom suffered was not really prosecutable in civil law, but certainly should have been in clerical law, but when Tom tried to report it, he was silenced, shut down, and summarily dismissed. Tom even found hard, cold proof that an associate pastor he replaced was viewing child porn and potentially participating in it himself, and his efforts to report it to the diocese were not only brushed off, but the diocese sent a representative to erase the proof on the hard drive.
It's frankly sad that the institution of the Church is so corrupt, because Tom genuinely seemed like a good person and a good priest, someone who cared about his parishioners and felt the vocation to help others find solace in Catholic teachings in the way he did. Yet the institution of the church and its patriarchic, hierarchic, iron-fist rule is what ultimately destroyed Tom's relationship with the priesthood and frankly led to Tom's general downfall.
This is a fascinating book and a great insider look into the Church from someone who saw it intimately. Thank you to University of Iowa Press for the ARC.
March 8, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
The title is an honest encompassing "warning" on what this book is truly about. It's a hard one to read because of how awful the coverup of sexual abuse in the Catholic church truly is. And how far up the coverup goes. This book is a raw, honest account of the author's experience with his own sexual abuse from when he was a Child and then later while going through the Catholic seminary. His struggles with his sexuality versus the very mixed messages the church sends really give an insider's view of the corruption.
Overall, I found d this book interesting but it did seem a bit too long.
The title is an honest encompassing "warning" on what this book is truly about. It's a hard one to read because of how awful the coverup of sexual abuse in the Catholic church truly is. And how far up the coverup goes. This book is a raw, honest account of the author's experience with his own sexual abuse from when he was a Child and then later while going through the Catholic seminary. His struggles with his sexuality versus the very mixed messages the church sends really give an insider's view of the corruption.
Overall, I found d this book interesting but it did seem a bit too long.
July 10, 2020
Review of Confessions of A Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary
By Tom Rastrelli
Not for the faint of heart, Confessions of a Gay Priest is an intimate, detailed and fascinating look both within Catholic seminary life as well as the heart of its author Tom Rastrelli. The book brings the reader into an odyssey of longing, frustration, times of joy, guilt, love, sorrow, inspiration and concluding with insight.
This is a fascinating look into the quest for self acceptance, love and meaning which drives the author to make difficult choices in order to be true to himself. The concluding words are poignant and speak of peace and love.
Mark Tedesco
Author of That Undeniable Longing: My Road to and from the Priesthood.
By Tom Rastrelli
Not for the faint of heart, Confessions of a Gay Priest is an intimate, detailed and fascinating look both within Catholic seminary life as well as the heart of its author Tom Rastrelli. The book brings the reader into an odyssey of longing, frustration, times of joy, guilt, love, sorrow, inspiration and concluding with insight.
This is a fascinating look into the quest for self acceptance, love and meaning which drives the author to make difficult choices in order to be true to himself. The concluding words are poignant and speak of peace and love.
Mark Tedesco
Author of That Undeniable Longing: My Road to and from the Priesthood.
October 23, 2020
Compelling but difficult
This book left me with mixed feelings and a level of frustration. As a gay man and one who attends a progressive Christian church, I am always interested in stories that combine homosexuality and spirituality. While I am not Catholic, many people close to me are, or were in places I lived years ago. Tom Rastrelli's turbulent journey from sexual abuse survivor to priest, to ex-priest raised more questions than supplied answers. I've known others who were sexually abused and his pattern of creating situations for himself to be in direct, prolonged company of other men who desired him, test their desire, then act on it, then react in a shocked, victimized way that these men had the moral failings to try and seduce him (how dare they??) is behavior I've observed in sexually abused men. In the book, Rastrelli repeatedly creates situations where lonely, gay, closeted men are "tempted" by his self described good looks, physical endowments and charm, only to be morally outraged when these men make advances toward him. He sleeps naked in bed with closeted gay men, spends weekends in their company, gets drunk with them, chases after men who clearly tell him they're not interested, drives miles on his own to see various secret "lovers", has years-long sexual affairs with them, but then as each scenario brings him more self hatred, he becomes obsessed with punishing them, outing them (when he himself is not out) and morally bankrupting them as a way to prove his own victimhood. I related more to a lot of his therapists who tried to help him than to him as a sympathetic character. He's very manipulative, but sees himself as one who is manipulated by others. I think he goes through at least 12 therapists n the book. It's exhausting. My big question is this: whoever said being a priest was a fun, easy life? His quest to find a cozy romantic relationship with a man seems an impossible dream that this very vocation can't provide. Most of the book is about HIM (Rastrelli). Where is the part about Him (God?). Priests suffer great hardship but find spiritual enlightenment through a devout, sincere bond with God and the church. Where did this come into play? His self obsession (to me) and lack of humility seem to block his path to loving God, being grateful, weathering the awful.things all of us as flawed humans must go through. We can stay wounded victims or we can transcend our flaws into.spiritual strength, but only if we let go. I agree that the priesthood is not his calling. I'm surprised he went into it in the first place. The other flawed, human priests (who he ends up resenting because they won't change the entire church to accommodate him) tell him at one point to "grow up, you've got to become a man." Yet he seems to prefer to stay the wounded victim. We all have choices and he could have helped a lot of people. Oh well. As they say, he seems to have missed his calling and, as he tells others in what seems a superior tone: I hope he finds help. And peace. He IS loved, but he's gotta know that for himself.
This book left me with mixed feelings and a level of frustration. As a gay man and one who attends a progressive Christian church, I am always interested in stories that combine homosexuality and spirituality. While I am not Catholic, many people close to me are, or were in places I lived years ago. Tom Rastrelli's turbulent journey from sexual abuse survivor to priest, to ex-priest raised more questions than supplied answers. I've known others who were sexually abused and his pattern of creating situations for himself to be in direct, prolonged company of other men who desired him, test their desire, then act on it, then react in a shocked, victimized way that these men had the moral failings to try and seduce him (how dare they??) is behavior I've observed in sexually abused men. In the book, Rastrelli repeatedly creates situations where lonely, gay, closeted men are "tempted" by his self described good looks, physical endowments and charm, only to be morally outraged when these men make advances toward him. He sleeps naked in bed with closeted gay men, spends weekends in their company, gets drunk with them, chases after men who clearly tell him they're not interested, drives miles on his own to see various secret "lovers", has years-long sexual affairs with them, but then as each scenario brings him more self hatred, he becomes obsessed with punishing them, outing them (when he himself is not out) and morally bankrupting them as a way to prove his own victimhood. I related more to a lot of his therapists who tried to help him than to him as a sympathetic character. He's very manipulative, but sees himself as one who is manipulated by others. I think he goes through at least 12 therapists n the book. It's exhausting. My big question is this: whoever said being a priest was a fun, easy life? His quest to find a cozy romantic relationship with a man seems an impossible dream that this very vocation can't provide. Most of the book is about HIM (Rastrelli). Where is the part about Him (God?). Priests suffer great hardship but find spiritual enlightenment through a devout, sincere bond with God and the church. Where did this come into play? His self obsession (to me) and lack of humility seem to block his path to loving God, being grateful, weathering the awful.things all of us as flawed humans must go through. We can stay wounded victims or we can transcend our flaws into.spiritual strength, but only if we let go. I agree that the priesthood is not his calling. I'm surprised he went into it in the first place. The other flawed, human priests (who he ends up resenting because they won't change the entire church to accommodate him) tell him at one point to "grow up, you've got to become a man." Yet he seems to prefer to stay the wounded victim. We all have choices and he could have helped a lot of people. Oh well. As they say, he seems to have missed his calling and, as he tells others in what seems a superior tone: I hope he finds help. And peace. He IS loved, but he's gotta know that for himself.
May 16, 2020
All that has been hidden will be revealed! Tom Rastrelli is one of the people making sure this happens!
This is a very important book. First of all, it is brutally honest. Mr Rastrelli details all of his sexual activity from high school through leaving the priesthood. Second, he reveals why the Roman Catholic Church has denied priests were sexually abusing and shows it continues today. In the past thirty years a number of survivors have written books about their clergy sexual abuse, but few or none of them have been ex-priests telling all about what goes on in seminaries and in rectories between clergy. All this needs to be exposed, but it is not at all cheerful reading.
I recommend this book because, besides the above, Tom saw a dozen counselors during the years he write about. He shares visit by visit what he was learning about himself, his sexuality, and what is entailed to live a celibate life. For me, the most moving pages of the book were Tom’s realization of his internalized homophobia and the first time he was able to say out loud, “I am gay.” He details his struggle to not act on his sexual impulses. We see him come to realize the connection between his acting out sexually and his inability to believe he is loved and lovable. He knew he did not feel loved while the priest was sexual with him or when the priest ignored him but, finally, we hear him insist that he was abused. This book is not comfortable reading; however, it is very rewarding! Buy your copy today!
This is a very important book. First of all, it is brutally honest. Mr Rastrelli details all of his sexual activity from high school through leaving the priesthood. Second, he reveals why the Roman Catholic Church has denied priests were sexually abusing and shows it continues today. In the past thirty years a number of survivors have written books about their clergy sexual abuse, but few or none of them have been ex-priests telling all about what goes on in seminaries and in rectories between clergy. All this needs to be exposed, but it is not at all cheerful reading.
I recommend this book because, besides the above, Tom saw a dozen counselors during the years he write about. He shares visit by visit what he was learning about himself, his sexuality, and what is entailed to live a celibate life. For me, the most moving pages of the book were Tom’s realization of his internalized homophobia and the first time he was able to say out loud, “I am gay.” He details his struggle to not act on his sexual impulses. We see him come to realize the connection between his acting out sexually and his inability to believe he is loved and lovable. He knew he did not feel loved while the priest was sexual with him or when the priest ignored him but, finally, we hear him insist that he was abused. This book is not comfortable reading; however, it is very rewarding! Buy your copy today!
March 17, 2020
Horrific, anxiety-inducing, disgusting, but revelatory is how I'd describe this book. Having grown up Catholic and forced to be friends with more priests than I'd care to admit, it shocks me, and I find the behavior in this book completely revolting. What Rastrelli went through with his abuse and the covering up by high leaders, only makes sense given the church's history of hiding away despicable actions.
This is a book about pain in the Catholic Church and the enormous grief and shame placed on one priest as he tries to fight against everything about who he is. It moved me in a way that I was not expecting at all. Several times I was so angry that I wanted to throw my kindle across the room. But if Rastrelli was able to live through this, then I could read through his pain.
There are many triggers throughout the book: sexual assault, rape, gaslighting, and the one to me that's even worse than the rest: the acknowledgement of these things, and then turning and ignoring it. It is NOT a book for anyone who wants to continue to love and feed at the breast of the Catholic Church. This book is about abuse, and the long-enduring pain that comes from the Church's power.
It's mesmerizing and heart-breaking. And I am so glad to be away.
Confessions of a Gay Priest publishes 4.15.2020. Pre-order this book immediately. And I don't make that recommendation lightly.
6/5 Stars
This is a book about pain in the Catholic Church and the enormous grief and shame placed on one priest as he tries to fight against everything about who he is. It moved me in a way that I was not expecting at all. Several times I was so angry that I wanted to throw my kindle across the room. But if Rastrelli was able to live through this, then I could read through his pain.
There are many triggers throughout the book: sexual assault, rape, gaslighting, and the one to me that's even worse than the rest: the acknowledgement of these things, and then turning and ignoring it. It is NOT a book for anyone who wants to continue to love and feed at the breast of the Catholic Church. This book is about abuse, and the long-enduring pain that comes from the Church's power.
It's mesmerizing and heart-breaking. And I am so glad to be away.
Confessions of a Gay Priest publishes 4.15.2020. Pre-order this book immediately. And I don't make that recommendation lightly.
6/5 Stars
March 16, 2020
Confessions of a Gay Priest is a must read if you want a peak into the Church and sexual activities of its principals. I found it compelling. I was hurt by the protagonist's experience as a seminarian and then as a young priest. He eventually left the priesthood, found a young man to be his husband and they were living comfortably in the Northwest. If you are intrigued by the sexual goings on of priests it is a must read, if sad.
November 16, 2024
This is a can't-put-down expose of the Catholic Church that is shockingly sexual but has a number of major problems in the telling of this life story. It's a must-read for every priest, Catholic, potential priest, and gay man. There are a number of insights but at the same time it fails to provide the proper context of a story that is over 20 years old.
Up front I should say that I have experienced some of the same things the author went through, worked in Catholic ministry, and lived in the same state as he where I had to deal with cover-ups from Bishops and priests. I eventually left the church because of seeing how hypocritical and unethical they are, but since that time have personally had physical contact with priests and deacons who are actively looking (I know of a couple Catholic religious on gay hookup sites in my area right now). My contact came by choice after I left the church, his came by choice while he was committing to publicly follow and promote the rules of the predator Catholic leadership. Remember that hypocrisy isn't in the act of having sex with another man, it's when the person preaches that the act is wrong and then does it himself (which he is guilty of throughout).
The conclusion of the book is real--that the Catholic church is filled with gay priests, some of who abuse children, and that almost all that the author encounters are sexually active perverts. (The couple of exceptions are his priest counselors who simply refuse to reveal their own sexual choices, so they may be gay as well.) Despite the church's claim that a low percentage of priests are gay, based on reading this book just about every priest is either a practicing homosexual or a drunk that is covering up for priests that are sexually active.
Rastrelli approaches the book in hindsight with a very liberal bias, claiming that even though he knew he was gay he felt called to the priesthood in order to work for change from the inside. This shows his lack of critical thinking skills. He comes across as someone not very intelligent, who didn't understand all of the Catholic church or the Bible, and who was in denial about his sexual desires all the while acting out by bedding priests and seminarians.
He was physically abused by a doctor when he was a young teen, which he uses as a foundational excuse for his adult sexual confusion. He wants to make sure that we know he was "gay" since kindergarten (hard to believe) and that we shouldn't conclude that being assaulted dozens of times by his male doctor led him on a path of wanting sex with men. Again, hard to believe.
He initiated much of his young adult sexual contact with others, was sexually active with his college roommate before feeling a call to the priesthood. Why go to seminary and commit to celibacy when he knows he a practicing homosexual? His "call" to the priesthood makes little sense the way he states it in the book, and it obviously was his attempt to run from his true nature to be freed by taking on an ideal role he was unfit for.
He opposed just about every major church doctrine or dogma, yet he wants to be a priest? Rastrelli is proof that there are a lot of priests that don't take vows seriously, and preach one thing while believing something else. If he didn't like being a hypocrite, he should have quit while in seminary since he already knew he was the opposite of what the Catholic church approved. Instead he stays, blames others for it, and ultimately going crazy to the point of being suicidal. The incongruity was within Tom Rastrelli all the while he was pointing (behind the scenes) at the incongruity among his fellow priests, seminarians, and bishops.
A major problem with the book is that he plays victim throughout the whole thing. Yes, he was the victim of sexual abuse by a doctor when he was a child. That was illegal and wrong. But once he became an adult he began to sexually tease older religious leaders, putting himself in a position to be used sexually by them and he voluntarily entered a few unethical sexual relationships. He would sleep in the same bed as another priest or seminarian, role over and put his hand in the guy's underwear--no one forced him to do it. In just about ever case where he claims a priest took advantage of him, he placed himself in that setting and actively went along with the sexual activities. He even claims to fall in love with a couple of them. So for him to later blame others or say he was abused is unfair. Rastrelli lacks good self-introspection skills and the book fails to give helpful tips to anyone who may encounter the same sexual struggles that he went through.
His writing style varies. Some sections are filled with creative-writing style silly adjectives, including what someone wore thirty years earlier (again, hard to believe) and at least a dozen references to the soapy smell of men he gets close to. Much of the book feels like it was workshopped and is over-written. The middle part of the book gets kind of dull with repetition and bogged down by his attempt to explain what seminary life is like, but once he is ordained things really come alive and it's a page-turner through the last section.
Then he suddenly stops when he leaves the priesthood almost 20 years ago! In order for the reader to have any context of the previous 300 pages we need to know what he's doing now, how he changed over the past decades, how he adjusted to the secular world, and if he is still practicing any faith. To just end the book mentioning that he no longer can do sacraments and he's married to a gay man leaves way too many unanswered questions. Maybe he's saving that for a follow-up book, but to summarize almost 20 years in eight paragraphs is a bad choice.
The author also gives some very bad theology here, praising all sorts of leftist approaches to the Bible and spirituality, wanting the Catholic church to change based on culture. One thing I do admire about Catholicism is the difficulty to change foundational truths about Jesus, ministry, women's roles, and life. Liberalism as preached by Rastrelli is certainly not the answer, it will only make things worse. But tearing apart the hundreds of non-Biblical doctrines and dogmas that are based on human theory would be a good start, but then you'd end up with fundamental Christian theology that will be more right-wing.
University of Iowa Press should be praised for publishing this. It took a lot of guts to allow on paper detailed sexual experiences. There are some obviously watered-down sections where the author vaguely states something (like the first time he had anal sex, it's just a matter-of-fact single sentence) but then there are others that are more developed and would have been cut by most other publishers. It's nice to see specifics left in a gay autobiography for once--most homosexual memoirs skip the sex and yet for most gay men it's all about the sex.
Of course this memoir is another that up front states that names are changed, places are changed, and stories are often composites. So the reader is unsure how much of what happened is actually true. Yet even with fake names it's easy to Wikipedia some of the major players and looking at his bio you can see where he lived. There are some coincidences that just seem too crazy to be true, and the book comes across at times as exaggerated fiction, but this is probably about as close as we'll ever get to having a priest reveal truth without being sued. It's absolutely worth reading, riveting in spots, shocking in others, and will be worth rereading (which I did four years after the first read in 2020).
Ultimately, it reinforced my understanding that the Catholic church is filled with evil rule-makers, wolves in sheep's' clothing, that don't want to be held to following the rules, publicly say the opposite of what they really believe, use confession as an easy out to break the law, will do everything they can to cover up reports of abuse and even promote the perpetrators, and have almost cult-like demands of followers in order to keep sacred the secrets of the organization and its devilish leadership. They all, including Tom Rastrelli, need a whole lot more than just confession in order to go to heaven.
Up front I should say that I have experienced some of the same things the author went through, worked in Catholic ministry, and lived in the same state as he where I had to deal with cover-ups from Bishops and priests. I eventually left the church because of seeing how hypocritical and unethical they are, but since that time have personally had physical contact with priests and deacons who are actively looking (I know of a couple Catholic religious on gay hookup sites in my area right now). My contact came by choice after I left the church, his came by choice while he was committing to publicly follow and promote the rules of the predator Catholic leadership. Remember that hypocrisy isn't in the act of having sex with another man, it's when the person preaches that the act is wrong and then does it himself (which he is guilty of throughout).
The conclusion of the book is real--that the Catholic church is filled with gay priests, some of who abuse children, and that almost all that the author encounters are sexually active perverts. (The couple of exceptions are his priest counselors who simply refuse to reveal their own sexual choices, so they may be gay as well.) Despite the church's claim that a low percentage of priests are gay, based on reading this book just about every priest is either a practicing homosexual or a drunk that is covering up for priests that are sexually active.
Rastrelli approaches the book in hindsight with a very liberal bias, claiming that even though he knew he was gay he felt called to the priesthood in order to work for change from the inside. This shows his lack of critical thinking skills. He comes across as someone not very intelligent, who didn't understand all of the Catholic church or the Bible, and who was in denial about his sexual desires all the while acting out by bedding priests and seminarians.
He was physically abused by a doctor when he was a young teen, which he uses as a foundational excuse for his adult sexual confusion. He wants to make sure that we know he was "gay" since kindergarten (hard to believe) and that we shouldn't conclude that being assaulted dozens of times by his male doctor led him on a path of wanting sex with men. Again, hard to believe.
He initiated much of his young adult sexual contact with others, was sexually active with his college roommate before feeling a call to the priesthood. Why go to seminary and commit to celibacy when he knows he a practicing homosexual? His "call" to the priesthood makes little sense the way he states it in the book, and it obviously was his attempt to run from his true nature to be freed by taking on an ideal role he was unfit for.
He opposed just about every major church doctrine or dogma, yet he wants to be a priest? Rastrelli is proof that there are a lot of priests that don't take vows seriously, and preach one thing while believing something else. If he didn't like being a hypocrite, he should have quit while in seminary since he already knew he was the opposite of what the Catholic church approved. Instead he stays, blames others for it, and ultimately going crazy to the point of being suicidal. The incongruity was within Tom Rastrelli all the while he was pointing (behind the scenes) at the incongruity among his fellow priests, seminarians, and bishops.
A major problem with the book is that he plays victim throughout the whole thing. Yes, he was the victim of sexual abuse by a doctor when he was a child. That was illegal and wrong. But once he became an adult he began to sexually tease older religious leaders, putting himself in a position to be used sexually by them and he voluntarily entered a few unethical sexual relationships. He would sleep in the same bed as another priest or seminarian, role over and put his hand in the guy's underwear--no one forced him to do it. In just about ever case where he claims a priest took advantage of him, he placed himself in that setting and actively went along with the sexual activities. He even claims to fall in love with a couple of them. So for him to later blame others or say he was abused is unfair. Rastrelli lacks good self-introspection skills and the book fails to give helpful tips to anyone who may encounter the same sexual struggles that he went through.
His writing style varies. Some sections are filled with creative-writing style silly adjectives, including what someone wore thirty years earlier (again, hard to believe) and at least a dozen references to the soapy smell of men he gets close to. Much of the book feels like it was workshopped and is over-written. The middle part of the book gets kind of dull with repetition and bogged down by his attempt to explain what seminary life is like, but once he is ordained things really come alive and it's a page-turner through the last section.
Then he suddenly stops when he leaves the priesthood almost 20 years ago! In order for the reader to have any context of the previous 300 pages we need to know what he's doing now, how he changed over the past decades, how he adjusted to the secular world, and if he is still practicing any faith. To just end the book mentioning that he no longer can do sacraments and he's married to a gay man leaves way too many unanswered questions. Maybe he's saving that for a follow-up book, but to summarize almost 20 years in eight paragraphs is a bad choice.
The author also gives some very bad theology here, praising all sorts of leftist approaches to the Bible and spirituality, wanting the Catholic church to change based on culture. One thing I do admire about Catholicism is the difficulty to change foundational truths about Jesus, ministry, women's roles, and life. Liberalism as preached by Rastrelli is certainly not the answer, it will only make things worse. But tearing apart the hundreds of non-Biblical doctrines and dogmas that are based on human theory would be a good start, but then you'd end up with fundamental Christian theology that will be more right-wing.
University of Iowa Press should be praised for publishing this. It took a lot of guts to allow on paper detailed sexual experiences. There are some obviously watered-down sections where the author vaguely states something (like the first time he had anal sex, it's just a matter-of-fact single sentence) but then there are others that are more developed and would have been cut by most other publishers. It's nice to see specifics left in a gay autobiography for once--most homosexual memoirs skip the sex and yet for most gay men it's all about the sex.
Of course this memoir is another that up front states that names are changed, places are changed, and stories are often composites. So the reader is unsure how much of what happened is actually true. Yet even with fake names it's easy to Wikipedia some of the major players and looking at his bio you can see where he lived. There are some coincidences that just seem too crazy to be true, and the book comes across at times as exaggerated fiction, but this is probably about as close as we'll ever get to having a priest reveal truth without being sued. It's absolutely worth reading, riveting in spots, shocking in others, and will be worth rereading (which I did four years after the first read in 2020).
Ultimately, it reinforced my understanding that the Catholic church is filled with evil rule-makers, wolves in sheep's' clothing, that don't want to be held to following the rules, publicly say the opposite of what they really believe, use confession as an easy out to break the law, will do everything they can to cover up reports of abuse and even promote the perpetrators, and have almost cult-like demands of followers in order to keep sacred the secrets of the organization and its devilish leadership. They all, including Tom Rastrelli, need a whole lot more than just confession in order to go to heaven.
August 9, 2020
I am lucky to be able to read with great speed and would typically have finished an autobiography like this in a couple of days. But because I know the author as friend and co-worker and because the contents of the story are intense I measured the book out over 7 weeks. The trauma Tom experienced at the hands of abusive people and particularly from the institutional power of the Catholic church is harrowing in the facts but especially emotional because Tom is an articulate storyteller.
I grew up in a Catholic tradition and enjoyed participating in Mass as an altar boy. Although I never wanted to be a priest I did admire those who considered that calling and found Tom's telling of his own journey fascinating. Tom's narrative is rich with the technical jargon of the Catholic canon and is also rich with pop culture references from the '80s that are familiar and fun to those of us of a certain age. I left the Catholic faith as my critical thinking skills grew and I found more inclusive ways of being in community with folx who wanted to care for others. It is present on every page that Tom is a deeply caring person and for those that are Catholic I think you'll be sad to see what was lost in Tom's departure from the priesthood. In reading Tom's story I appreciate how little I knew about the problems within in the church and how lucky I was to have escaped abuse. Tom's book is a recommended read for those that want to understand the history of the church's scandalous sex abuse cover-up as they impacted a priest within the fold. Tom's story ends with a hopeful and healthy person and should be a welcome book for anyone who is working through the depression that follows harm and oppression especially towards those who gay.
This book is going on the shelf for further reflection.
I grew up in a Catholic tradition and enjoyed participating in Mass as an altar boy. Although I never wanted to be a priest I did admire those who considered that calling and found Tom's telling of his own journey fascinating. Tom's narrative is rich with the technical jargon of the Catholic canon and is also rich with pop culture references from the '80s that are familiar and fun to those of us of a certain age. I left the Catholic faith as my critical thinking skills grew and I found more inclusive ways of being in community with folx who wanted to care for others. It is present on every page that Tom is a deeply caring person and for those that are Catholic I think you'll be sad to see what was lost in Tom's departure from the priesthood. In reading Tom's story I appreciate how little I knew about the problems within in the church and how lucky I was to have escaped abuse. Tom's book is a recommended read for those that want to understand the history of the church's scandalous sex abuse cover-up as they impacted a priest within the fold. Tom's story ends with a hopeful and healthy person and should be a welcome book for anyone who is working through the depression that follows harm and oppression especially towards those who gay.
This book is going on the shelf for further reflection.
August 21, 2023
Honestly I was disappointed. This got a lot of hype but I had to keep putting it down and took breaks from it to get through the entire thing. Not a good one.
May 5, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley for sending me this book to review
This memoir presents a very poignant and brutally frank picture of one man trying to balance the teachings if the church with the undercurrent of sexual abuse, celibacy and homophobia.
The novel begins with 28-year-old Tom Rastrelli’s ordination in Iowa. The setting is austere and grand, as is to be expected. Suddenly, there is an explosion and everything is plunged into darkness. The cause of this is a squirrel who meets its death where the power wire meets the junction box. This is almost a foreshadowing of the events to come in Tom’s career as a priest. The memoir enfolds at a time when the church was trying to coverup the sexual abuse of minors and paedophiles. The story suddenly moves two years into the future as he leaves the archbishop’s office in tears and rage when advised to cover up the sexual abuse of the catholic church.
The memoir moves back in time to Tom’s college days and his innocent liking for drama and musicals. At this point Tom is frustrated with the catholic church and has experimented with the Lutherans, Methodists and fundamentalists. At university, Tom has an unhappy homosexual affair. However, two of the most critical events in his youth are his being taken advantage of by Doctor Lauz, whom he consults as a teenager for a earache; and by a priest Fr Scott Bell who takes advantage if his confusion and sexually exploits his instead of guiding him; he realises that the church did not consist of holy men as is commonly thought of by a faithful and devoted congregation but by a code of silence which protects the guilty priests and ironically in the case if Fr Scott Bell even rewards him by promoting him.
What is remarkable about the novel is the unapologetic and compelling authenticity and detail. Few people would be aware of the sub-culture of drinking, smoking, the secret infatuations, the sexual subterfuge, the powerful liaisons and the closeted sexual relationships which Rastrelli writes about at length and in a very convincing manner. His mental breakdown, the cruel treatment meted out to his by the alcoholic priest who runs his parish and the indifference of the people in power are described in an extremely heart-breaking manner. It is a relief to read in the Epilogue, that Tom finally finds the happiness and the peace he has been denied during his teenage years, his days at his university and seminary and his life as a priest.
This memoir presents a very poignant and brutally frank picture of one man trying to balance the teachings if the church with the undercurrent of sexual abuse, celibacy and homophobia.
The novel begins with 28-year-old Tom Rastrelli’s ordination in Iowa. The setting is austere and grand, as is to be expected. Suddenly, there is an explosion and everything is plunged into darkness. The cause of this is a squirrel who meets its death where the power wire meets the junction box. This is almost a foreshadowing of the events to come in Tom’s career as a priest. The memoir enfolds at a time when the church was trying to coverup the sexual abuse of minors and paedophiles. The story suddenly moves two years into the future as he leaves the archbishop’s office in tears and rage when advised to cover up the sexual abuse of the catholic church.
The memoir moves back in time to Tom’s college days and his innocent liking for drama and musicals. At this point Tom is frustrated with the catholic church and has experimented with the Lutherans, Methodists and fundamentalists. At university, Tom has an unhappy homosexual affair. However, two of the most critical events in his youth are his being taken advantage of by Doctor Lauz, whom he consults as a teenager for a earache; and by a priest Fr Scott Bell who takes advantage if his confusion and sexually exploits his instead of guiding him; he realises that the church did not consist of holy men as is commonly thought of by a faithful and devoted congregation but by a code of silence which protects the guilty priests and ironically in the case if Fr Scott Bell even rewards him by promoting him.
What is remarkable about the novel is the unapologetic and compelling authenticity and detail. Few people would be aware of the sub-culture of drinking, smoking, the secret infatuations, the sexual subterfuge, the powerful liaisons and the closeted sexual relationships which Rastrelli writes about at length and in a very convincing manner. His mental breakdown, the cruel treatment meted out to his by the alcoholic priest who runs his parish and the indifference of the people in power are described in an extremely heart-breaking manner. It is a relief to read in the Epilogue, that Tom finally finds the happiness and the peace he has been denied during his teenage years, his days at his university and seminary and his life as a priest.
May 26, 2020
I purchased this book because I met the author last year at a professional conference and found him to be an incredibly intelligent, engaging person; I expected the same of this book. I was not disappointed, although it was difficult to read this tell-all when I had a face to put with the story. Tom doesn’t seem to hold anything back in his memoir, and as a non-Catholic I had a lot of catching up to do about basic tenants of the Church. The book leaves me even more skeptical of organized religion than I already was, but I’m glad I took the time to read Tom’s story.
May 14, 2020
I will start by saying, Tommy is a family friend, and I was at his Rite of Ordination. I knew about some of the abuse he endured, but not to the extent his memoir shares. This was an extremely difficult book to read, the subtitle tells you what is inside!
This is an incredibly powerful, and honest memoir.
I am so proud that Tom was able to put pen to paper and share his story. Tommy’s writing is captivating! Although an incredibly sad and difficult story, I am happy Tom has found a career he enjoys and a husband he loves.
This is an incredibly powerful, and honest memoir.
I am so proud that Tom was able to put pen to paper and share his story. Tommy’s writing is captivating! Although an incredibly sad and difficult story, I am happy Tom has found a career he enjoys and a husband he loves.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 13, 2020
This is such a hard book to rate and review. As you can gather from the title, the subject matter is infuriating. I personally have a hard time with the Catholic Church and their cover-ups of pedophile priests. It’s maddening and disgusting. It appears that it’s the same old, same old with elder priests abusing their power towards seminarians. This memoir will shock you — one man’s raw and honest story kept me thinking about this topic for days. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it warrants more conversation about the Church and how it’s systemic abuse MUST end.
Thank you NetGalley and University of Iowa Press for this advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you NetGalley and University of Iowa Press for this advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
June 10, 2024
This was a good book, but I didn’t give it five stars because I didn’t really like reading about the homosexual sex acts and also cuss words. But I really felt for this man. I wondered though why did he become a priest since he was sexually abused by a priest? He was also sexually abused by his pediatrician.
Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. “Confessions of a Gay Priest” divulges the clandestine inner workings of the seminary, providing an intimate and unapologetic look into the psychosexual and spiritual dynamics of celibacy and lays bare the “formation” system that perpetuates the cycle of abuse and cover-up that continues today.
Under the guidance of a charismatic college campus minister, Rastrelli sought to reconcile his homosexuality and childhood sexual abuse. When he felt called to the priesthood, Rastrelli began the process of “priestly discernment.” Priests welcomed him into a confusing clerical culture where public displays of piety, celibacy, and homophobia masked a closeted underworld in which elder priests preyed upon young recruits. (Rastrelli’s first parish was terrible. He was sexually abused by one of the other priests—actually that started earlier, but on and off. He was even hit on by a woman and when he said “no” she told him that he was an awful priest! He asked for a transfer. At the new parish, the other priest was an alcoholic and very controlling.)
From there he ventured deeper into the seminary system seeking healing, hoping to help others, and striving not to live a double life. Trained to treat sexuality like an addiction, he and his brother seminaries lived in a world of cliques, competition, self-loathing, alcohol, hidden crushes, and closeted sex. (He sued priest who abused him. But the Church let the other priest continue. Rastrelli left the priesthood.
Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. “Confessions of a Gay Priest” divulges the clandestine inner workings of the seminary, providing an intimate and unapologetic look into the psychosexual and spiritual dynamics of celibacy and lays bare the “formation” system that perpetuates the cycle of abuse and cover-up that continues today.
Under the guidance of a charismatic college campus minister, Rastrelli sought to reconcile his homosexuality and childhood sexual abuse. When he felt called to the priesthood, Rastrelli began the process of “priestly discernment.” Priests welcomed him into a confusing clerical culture where public displays of piety, celibacy, and homophobia masked a closeted underworld in which elder priests preyed upon young recruits. (Rastrelli’s first parish was terrible. He was sexually abused by one of the other priests—actually that started earlier, but on and off. He was even hit on by a woman and when he said “no” she told him that he was an awful priest! He asked for a transfer. At the new parish, the other priest was an alcoholic and very controlling.)
From there he ventured deeper into the seminary system seeking healing, hoping to help others, and striving not to live a double life. Trained to treat sexuality like an addiction, he and his brother seminaries lived in a world of cliques, competition, self-loathing, alcohol, hidden crushes, and closeted sex. (He sued priest who abused him. But the Church let the other priest continue. Rastrelli left the priesthood.
November 29, 2025
This is a very sad memoir.
This is the story of a man who moved into the priesthood, in part he now believes as a way to cope with secular sexual abuse, and finds not healing, but more sexual repression and abuse, twining around each other.
Some of the writing descriptions are very odd (what does hair like a cinnamon roll look like?), but it is touching.
As someone who grew up in the Catholic church and schools, I saw some of how clergy suffer from the Church's power (like moving nuns who barely speak the language to different countries (I still don't know why), and strict hierarchies of power controlling their speech and political expression even within normal, civil bounds). And like most everyone, I've heard how the hierarchy has excused parishioner abuse; there was a child rapist priest in my parish who was moved out the year I was baptized. This was an account of the feelings and experiences of one man, inside of the priesthood, that I wouldn't get if not from books. I'm grateful for the power of books to connect us and communicate across these boundaries.
The author's description of the sheer proportion of priests who are gay or bisexual makes me wonder about the Church at large. Was it Pope Francis who talked about there being an "air of faggotry" about the Vatican? (his words, not mine.) Is one of the motivations for the Church being so anti-gay-rights that they know that they rely on our labor to keep the clergy and religious sisters' orders going, and that if we have good enough other options, we may opt for family life as well?
This is the story of a man who moved into the priesthood, in part he now believes as a way to cope with secular sexual abuse, and finds not healing, but more sexual repression and abuse, twining around each other.
Some of the writing descriptions are very odd (what does hair like a cinnamon roll look like?), but it is touching.
As someone who grew up in the Catholic church and schools, I saw some of how clergy suffer from the Church's power (like moving nuns who barely speak the language to different countries (I still don't know why), and strict hierarchies of power controlling their speech and political expression even within normal, civil bounds). And like most everyone, I've heard how the hierarchy has excused parishioner abuse; there was a child rapist priest in my parish who was moved out the year I was baptized. This was an account of the feelings and experiences of one man, inside of the priesthood, that I wouldn't get if not from books. I'm grateful for the power of books to connect us and communicate across these boundaries.
The author's description of the sheer proportion of priests who are gay or bisexual makes me wonder about the Church at large. Was it Pope Francis who talked about there being an "air of faggotry" about the Vatican? (his words, not mine.) Is one of the motivations for the Church being so anti-gay-rights that they know that they rely on our labor to keep the clergy and religious sisters' orders going, and that if we have good enough other options, we may opt for family life as well?
March 1, 2022
Trauma makes act against us, it's really sad he couldn't see how unfair and how everyone was treating him and to be abused by a person You trust several times!! Unbelievable.
I'm glad he got away of that Toxic place where things make no sense and the same people contradict themselves over and over and make you doubt of your sanity no wonder he couldn't take it anymore.
It's pretty interesting though the studies and discipline and having a life dedicated to serve others must be great if only I were a man and believe in God this could have been My Call but I don't believe in celibacy it makes no sense to me I want to do it because I feel like not because I have to, that's not fun and no sacrifice at all since I like following rules.
The writing was okay I feel criticizing someone else's life I'm not talking about the person just the writer, some wonderful and insightful quotes that forever would live with me so profund.
"He explained that "patience" was based on the Latin word pati, which means "to suffer." "Part of maturity is learning patience, learning to suffer well. Be patient with yourself. Don't take yourself so seriously."
"Repression only makes things worse. It leads to acting out, sometimes with tragic consequences. What you need to do is sidestep the urges."
I'm glad he got away of that Toxic place where things make no sense and the same people contradict themselves over and over and make you doubt of your sanity no wonder he couldn't take it anymore.
It's pretty interesting though the studies and discipline and having a life dedicated to serve others must be great if only I were a man and believe in God this could have been My Call but I don't believe in celibacy it makes no sense to me I want to do it because I feel like not because I have to, that's not fun and no sacrifice at all since I like following rules.
The writing was okay I feel criticizing someone else's life I'm not talking about the person just the writer, some wonderful and insightful quotes that forever would live with me so profund.
"He explained that "patience" was based on the Latin word pati, which means "to suffer." "Part of maturity is learning patience, learning to suffer well. Be patient with yourself. Don't take yourself so seriously."
"Repression only makes things worse. It leads to acting out, sometimes with tragic consequences. What you need to do is sidestep the urges."
May 4, 2020
Memoirs are read because you know of the person or event. Memoirs are read because of interesting titles and covers. After a brief moment on discerning why I requested this title, I am still unsure why I opened its pages.
The scandals of the Catholic Church are well-known, almost overly so. The institution serves both as the butt of jokes and as a highlighted example of abuse of power. Tom Rastrelli experienced an interesting life on the inside as a seminarian and as a minister. He lived through ups and downs of the church’s reputation with his own mental health on the line. I admire that he was able to keep his faith through it all, despite his disappointment with the events within his archdiocese. By the end of the book, I was so relieved that he was able to find peace and happiness in his life.
I received a free copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.
The scandals of the Catholic Church are well-known, almost overly so. The institution serves both as the butt of jokes and as a highlighted example of abuse of power. Tom Rastrelli experienced an interesting life on the inside as a seminarian and as a minister. He lived through ups and downs of the church’s reputation with his own mental health on the line. I admire that he was able to keep his faith through it all, despite his disappointment with the events within his archdiocese. By the end of the book, I was so relieved that he was able to find peace and happiness in his life.
I received a free copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.
July 30, 2020
A must read for Catholics, straight & gay, who are trying to understand the modern priesthood.
For centuries, the Catholic priesthood and its vow of celibacy provided a respectable hiding place for thousands of gay young men filled with shame and self-loathing about their sexual orientation. I should know; I was one of them, and very nearly made the same mistake as the author by becoming a priest. Thankfully, I came to my senses in high school and realized that what was really driving my so-called "vocation" was self-hatred and a desire to conceal my sexuality. So, I reversed course, eventually came out, and I've been in a loving relationship with my male partner for over 16 years. Sadly, even in 2020, there are still gay men who retreat to the priesthood to escape their homosexuality. For these men, the author's memoir offers a powerful, painful, eye-opening lesson into what happens when we sacrifice our honesty and integrity in order to escape our personal demons.
For centuries, the Catholic priesthood and its vow of celibacy provided a respectable hiding place for thousands of gay young men filled with shame and self-loathing about their sexual orientation. I should know; I was one of them, and very nearly made the same mistake as the author by becoming a priest. Thankfully, I came to my senses in high school and realized that what was really driving my so-called "vocation" was self-hatred and a desire to conceal my sexuality. So, I reversed course, eventually came out, and I've been in a loving relationship with my male partner for over 16 years. Sadly, even in 2020, there are still gay men who retreat to the priesthood to escape their homosexuality. For these men, the author's memoir offers a powerful, painful, eye-opening lesson into what happens when we sacrifice our honesty and integrity in order to escape our personal demons.
September 15, 2021
A gripping story, neatly told, while reality is a lot messier
Somehow I don’t believe it all, since it seems to have applied an overdose of polish to underlying events. The shine comes off as a bit fake at times. But I don’t believe St. Augustine either. There seems to be no real Archbishop Jacob Haggis whose villainy, if true, deserves censure, but he irresponsibly darkens the name of Archbishop Weakland who was exonerated and Cardinal Mahoney whose case was given no measured examination. Others seem guilty as charged, whether or not the names are real. Often the narrative allows itself to slip into soft-porn, as he reveals a disordered seminary world of unfairly suffering young people.
Somehow I don’t believe it all, since it seems to have applied an overdose of polish to underlying events. The shine comes off as a bit fake at times. But I don’t believe St. Augustine either. There seems to be no real Archbishop Jacob Haggis whose villainy, if true, deserves censure, but he irresponsibly darkens the name of Archbishop Weakland who was exonerated and Cardinal Mahoney whose case was given no measured examination. Others seem guilty as charged, whether or not the names are real. Often the narrative allows itself to slip into soft-porn, as he reveals a disordered seminary world of unfairly suffering young people.
December 31, 2020
Painfully sad but enlightening
I am a Catholic and had no idea what could be going on behind the scenes. I feel sorry for Tom. We are members of Resurrection Parish and I wish we would have been there for him
I am a Catholic and had no idea what could be going on behind the scenes. I feel sorry for Tom. We are members of Resurrection Parish and I wish we would have been there for him
January 23, 2021
Top notch writing, amazing details, deepest honesty
Totally wonderful. Dealt with church authorities. Such rich personal truth. Open, deeply valid support for homosexuality. Most loving, positive approach!
Totally wonderful. Dealt with church authorities. Such rich personal truth. Open, deeply valid support for homosexuality. Most loving, positive approach!
December 20, 2022
Oddly, boring.
February 29, 2024
so poetically written, especially considering the difficulty of the topic
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