Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Friendshipping: The Art of Finding Friends, Being Friends, and Keeping Friends

Rate this book
With eight billion people in the world, why is it so hard to meet and make new friends?
 
Navigating the world of adult friendships can be a real challenge when everyone is busy, overwhelmed, or too often too far away. Here to help are Jenn Bane and Trin Garritano, the duo behind the cult favorite podcast Friendshipping. Insightful, empathetic, and just a touch irreverent, Jenn and Trin give readers the tools they need to make new friends and revitalize the quality of existing friendships. The book covers it all:
Meeting new people
Mastering the art of small talk
Deciphering the levels of friendship in the workplace
Making the first friend move, plus how to give a non-creepy compliment
You’ll also learn why it’s important to use the same IRL etiquette when making friends online; how to decide if a friendship is toxic and know when it’s time to move on; and most important, how to be a better friend, to yourself and others.

224 pages, Paperback

Published December 22, 2020

70 people are currently reading
744 people want to read

About the author

Jenn Bane

3 books16 followers

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
127 (25%)
4 stars
165 (33%)
3 stars
155 (31%)
2 stars
28 (5%)
1 star
19 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews
Profile Image for Tima A..
6 reviews5 followers
July 31, 2020
Thank you Netgalley & Workman pub for the ARC —


Okay so I just finished reading FRIENDSHIPPING:The art of finding friends, being friends & keeping friends. It's a podcast turned into a book. Well, you might have heard of the friendshipping podcast started back in 2015 by two friends Jenn & Trin who answer your questions about friendship [mostly the tricky stuff].

I started reading this one as soon as it was approved because I've struggled to understand the dynamics of frindship for the longest time now and I'm always up for anything that answers my weird yet important questions.⁣


Illustrated throughout with Wei's dynamic art, this book is like a conversation with your inner self about relationships, communication, difficult choices & most of all about staying friends with the people you've already befriended.⁣


The choice of words & the writing style conveys a warm & amiable tone which is the best thing about this book. It speaks volumes about how one can talk to new people, let go of old [toxic] friends, & reconnect with those you ghosted ages ago. One thing in particular that I found interesting is the influence of social media on friendships [how one can unfollow a friend & stay friends with them].⁣


⁣Oh & now about the elephant in the room; CAN GUYS AND GIRLS EVER REALLY BE FRIENDS? ⁣

You'll have to read this one to find out!⁣

Releasing 22.12.2020
Profile Image for da AL.
381 reviews469 followers
February 19, 2021
This is a wise and chatty culmination of what the authors learned as co-hosts of their “Friendshipping” podcast. Their mantra: “Friendship is a skill.” Indeed, it’s one that merits continual honing, for which they offer great suggestions.
Profile Image for Literary Redhead.
2,700 reviews693 followers
August 18, 2020
FRIENDSHIPPING boasts a host of ideas to improve your relationships, based on the same-named popular podcast.

How do you define friendship? Find kindred spirits online and off? Grow and keep those connections? Eliminate toxic people from your lives?

The answers are here in FRIENDSHIPPING! This beautifully illustrated guide offers tips, scripts, and step-by-by-step directions for making small talk, getting to know someone better, even becoming friends with the opposite sex.

I learned a lot and highly recommend this fine friendship guide!

5 of 5 Stars

Pub Date 22 Dec 2020

Thanks to the authors, Workman Publishing Company, and NetGalley for the review copy. Opinions are mine.

#Friendshipping #NetGalley
Profile Image for Grace.
3,314 reviews215 followers
May 21, 2022
I honestly thought this book was a delight! Some great practical advice on friendship as an adult--finding it, maintaining it, removing it from your life when its toxic. I really enjoyed the concept and the style and tone here was great. I read it on Kindle, and I did think the formatting was a bit weird/distracting at times, which I suspect would not be an issue with a hardcopy, though given the prevalence of e-readers, it continues to irk me somewhat when digital files aren't well designed, but this is a minor quibble.
Profile Image for Kailey (Luminous Libro).
3,579 reviews548 followers
February 8, 2021
This book gives advice about forming friendships as an adult. It starts with how to find people that you have something in common with, where to look for friends, and how to recognize when a new acquaintance is interested in being friends. Then there are chapters about how to navigate difficult friend problems like hosting parties, lending money, or setting boundaries. There is some good advice about being compassionate and forgiving, and how to give a proper apology.

However, I found it odd that a book about friendship had so much political propaganda in it, almost preaching leftist ideology to the reader. It would have been much better to stick to the subject of friendship instead of forcing a political agenda into the book.

There are example conversations between people that are supposed to illustrate good ways to make new friends, but the dialogues don't sound like anything a real person would ever say.
There is also some profanity in this book that was completely unnecessary.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a free and honest review. All the opinions stated here are my own true thoughts, and are not influenced by anyone.
Profile Image for Emma.
1,279 reviews164 followers
August 20, 2020
I feel like 2020 has been the year of books about friendship and I have absolutely no complaints about that. Unlike other books I've read about the topic, Friendshipping: The Art of Finding Friends, Being Friends, and Keeping Friends is more of a how-to manual than a discussion of the concept of friendship. I liked the themes of the sections and found that there was a lot of useful information in this book -- everything from how to meta-think why your friends hanging out without you is making you jealous to scripts for how to handle some potentially awkward situations with friends. The advice is generous and kind yet delivered in a way that avoids the holier-than-thou tone some advice books have.

If you're looking for a book that will make you think more critically about the friendships in your life, I'd highly recommend reading Friendshipping. (You should also check out Jenn and Trin's podcast, Friendshipping, as it's a delight.)
Profile Image for Reanne.
401 reviews16 followers
December 2, 2020
For a book about as universal a topic as making friends, this book makes way too many liberal political statements. There's a completely random and off-topic "we need more gun control laws in the US" statement in the first pages. When they define what friendships are, they act like they're taking the most broad, baseline approach, but they're really not. They're essentially saying that friendship means you love, respect, and support the other person and everything about them. Which is what friendship means for some people, but it's far from universal. For example, I don't want friends who are nothing but yes-men. I want friends who will hold me accountable and help me become a better person. Also, their definition means that if someone's too different than you, it's impossible for you to build meaningful friendships with them, so don't even try. Are you an atheist? No making friends with religious people. Are you a conservative Christian? It's impossible for you to be friends with a gay person. This incredibly restrictive definition of friendship is part of what's wrong with the world today, this idea that instead of getting to know people and caring about people *even if we disagree fundamentally with them on some aspect of their/our lives*, we have to make friends only with those who we completely agree with about everything (and presumably shun those who are in any way different from us).

(I got a free review copy of this through Netgalley.)
62 reviews
July 20, 2021
I was attracted to "Friendshipping" because it is SO CUTE and because I thought the topic of friendship would be fun to read about. Well, I'd say this book covers every single aspect of friendship there could possibly be. Aspects, which I believe, come naturally to the average person without instruction.

The friendship theme, however, is in a tough competition with the topic of sexuality throughout the entire book. This competition caused me to question the whole point.

Who knew there are so many directives on making friends? I never thought of it as being such a complicated process. Apparently, there are many, many wrong ways to go about it! I became weary of reading of how hard you have to work at finding, being and keeping friends. Whew!

The book "Friendshipping" is not for me. I chose not to finish.
Profile Image for Kara Babcock.
2,110 reviews1,594 followers
December 18, 2020
I have listened to Jenn and Trin’s Friendshipping podcast for a couple of years now. I adore it, mostly for their amusing and endearing banter, but also for their compassionate takes on listener questions about doing friendship—I enjoy their emphasis on this idea that friendship is a verb, because I agree. So when I heard they had turned their podcast into a self-help book, I pre-ordered the hell out of it—and I was also fortunate enough to get to read it early thanks to Workman and NetGalley.

Friendshipping: The Art of Finding Friends, Being Friends, and Keeping Friends is a very straightforward book, divided into three parts per its subtitle. From its tone and overall language to its art design (by Jean Wei), the target audience is millennials—I suspect older generations will find Jenn and Trin’s brand of humour too youthful, whereas Gen Z and younger will look at them as “oldies.” This is a book for people of an age that is used to moving for work and school, to navigating the Internet but still holding it slightly at arm’s length, to embracing nerdiness as something that we still think is uncool (even though it is now mainstream). I’m not saying younger or older people wouldn’t benefit from this book, but it knows its niche and goes for it, which is probably for the best.

Indeed, I think this book will appeal to people who are looking for friends or friendship advice but who are skeptical of more polished, adult-looking self-help books. The chapters here are very conversational, with plenty of sidebars with practical tips. This isn’t a book I would recommend reading from start to finish—rather, you can dip into it for reference as and when you need help with various situations.

I love the inclusive nature of the book. There is a section dedicated to pronouns, for instance. They talk about healthy boundaries in friendships. They acknowledge that friendships are difficult work, sometimes, and that more often than not the issues in a friendship are the result of both parties, not just one. They talk about what to do if you are the toxic friend.

If I personally didn’t get that much out of this book on my initial read, it’s only because—and I am totally bragging here—I am very satisfied with my friendships at this point in my life. Indeed, for about the past 3 years, I feel like I have finally cultivated the types of healthy friendships and acquaintances an adult should have in her life: I have found close friends who support me and who let me support them; I am beginning to get more comfortable at making new acquaintances and expanding my circle ever so slightly. So I am lucky enough to report that I am happy, at least in that sense, and at least for now.

But friendship is something you do, not something you have indefinitely. I am sure I will face rocky moments of indecision, and when I do, this will be a good book to have on my shelf. Jenn and Trin’s wisdom comes from the fact that they don’t pretend to know it all—you will find practical advice in this book, tips for starting difficult conversations, that kind of thing, yes, but the majority of this book boils down to a single thesis: be kind to your friends and potential friends. And although I can’t remember if they say it in the book, perhaps the single best thing I have learned from Jenn and Trin’s podcast is that there is a difference between being nice and being kind. Sometimes in our attempts to be nice, to not ruffle feathers or make people upset, we do no kindness through dissembly. Sometimes telling an uncomfortable truth is kinder. Kindness is not always easy to figure out, just like friendship isn’t always easy to put into practice.

I think the best way you can decide if this book is for you is to listen to an episode of their podcast. The book is the podcast, just curated and then frozen in carbonite; the podcast is the book on a weekly release schedule with more discussion of snails and Animal Crossing. As I said at the beginning, I don’t think this book is for everyone, and that is ok and probably for the best—self-help books should target a niche. For some people, though, I suspect this book will give useful succour and guidance, and that pleases me.

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.

Creative Commons BY-NC License
Profile Image for Mandy Hazen.
1,399 reviews
October 18, 2020
I am a very awkward person and it is so much easier to have no friends, truly. This book really helped me to see some easy steps to make new friends in awkward situations and keep the meaningful friendships I have. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Profile Image for Sharon Rose.
357 reviews14 followers
April 12, 2021
4.5 stars—I loved all the practical advice and the emphasis on kindness and looking out for your friends in many different circumstances. Also the Audiobook was a great experience with Jen and Trin taking turns narrating just like in their podcast. I will definitely reference and revisit this book in the future!
Profile Image for Hairi.
389 reviews13 followers
August 21, 2020
Thank you NetGalley and the publishers for letting me read this wonderful book about friendshipping.
Let me tell you one thing: this book is lot more than what it might make you think from the title. It is so realistic and won’t let you get into imaginary things.
📚It is divided into parts. The first one is all about knowing oneself which is quite important with our without you looking for a friendship.
📒The second one is about finding friends, knowing them, dealing with them, checking if your old friends could be your best friends etc.
📙The third one tells you about keeping them or removing the toxic one and how to do it.
📋 The important point is that in addition to telling you keeping high standards for friendship, it also tells you to be a friend of high standard yourself as well. In simple words, if you want a good friend, you should be good one too. It tells you nothing would be perfect or easy but you will find out that some of them will be worth the effort.
There is a lot of explanation in this book about almost everything. I don't think they have left any loopholes. Everything in this book shows the sincerity of authors. It is so fun reading it. I learned a lot from it.
A detailed review would be on my bookstagram account.
5 stars from my side and if I could give any more stars, I definitely would. Highly recommended to everyone.
Profile Image for Nikki Edgar.
418 reviews3 followers
July 3, 2021
I gave this one star because I did get some tips on understanding other people. I wasn’t the biggest fan of this book because I felt this book had another agenda they were trying to push. They were very adamant about teaching their readers how to use the right pronouns for other people. Maybe they had some kind of traumatic experience. I don’t know. It just came up ALot!
Profile Image for Kate.
850 reviews2 followers
December 28, 2020
This book tries to help adults make friends - what a concept! It seems to be aimed at the 25-35-year-olds, but there is a lot of advice and many suggestions that people of any age could use. There are even handy dandy scripts to help one know what to say at all stages of friendship, including dismantling the ones that don't work any more. So useful for people like me, who might have anxiety and get tongue-tied.

The authors seem very honest and approachable. There are side bars with questions from listeners (the authors have a Friendshipping podcast) and the replies. Lots of anecdotes peppered throughout to let the reader know that they have company when it comes to navigating friendships.

I've already recommended it to friends and even joined an online social group - progress!

My thanks to Workman Books and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Christina.
123 reviews1 follower
December 24, 2020
Jenn & Trin - your podcast is the (continued) bright spot through this very dark & confusing year. Hooray for releasing this companion book before the end of #2020 and this unpredictable ride (corona coaster anyone?). In a time where our brain digs up random memories and plays them out as bizarre dreams that reveal friendships from past, present, and (maybe) future...this book aids in reflecting on those relationships. Appreciate the sample conversations for when you are on the giving or receiving end of a new, ongoing, or ending friendship. Thanks for writing, you're welcome for reading & reviewing 🤓
Profile Image for Lynne.
12 reviews
December 23, 2020
This book is for anyone who wants to be a better friend, to reflect on the friends they have and have had, or to consider the type of people they want to add to their life. Jenn and Trin’s writing feels as though they’re your most trusted, loving friend, yet still objective enough to give it to you straight and call you on any necessary bullshit. This book is a hug, a mirror, and a loving challenge for you to be the best version of yourself. Highly recommend.
Profile Image for Becki.
47 reviews1 follower
December 29, 2020
Phew - I think I am a pretty good friend according to this book, even if I’m a little bit of a “cactus friend” at times!
Profile Image for Stephanie.
418 reviews5 followers
April 30, 2021
As someone who's hopelessly awkward when it comes to friend things, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I also realized that I'm not a bad friend, I'm just a cactus friend, meaning I'm super low-maintenance and don't need much in the way of attention to be happy (though I prefer the term succulent friend because it sounds more voluptuous and less spiky). And honestly? I love that this book exists. I feel like we just kind of assume that everybody knows how to make and maintain friendships, so it's nice to have a kind, inclusive, comprehensive book for the rest of us.
Profile Image for Natalia.
9 reviews
February 4, 2021
I've been a fan of the Friendshipping podcast, and I was so excited when this book came out! It's the perfect "how to" manual for navigating all the different aspects that make up a friendship. I love how Jenn and Trin addressed every situation from multiple perspectives while being so kind and inclusive to the reader. I'd definitely recommend gifting this book to a friend! It's overwhelmingly sweet and thoughtful.
Profile Image for Ahri.
46 reviews
October 10, 2020
This was a really cute and interesting read. As I’m about to leave my 20s, this made me reevaluate some of my feelings towards friends and was strangely reassuring.
Profile Image for Lobo.
959 reviews
February 19, 2024
Szóval barátkozni nehéz, főleg felnőttként nem egyszerű komolyabb kapcsolatokat kiépíteni. Márpedig manapság ide-oda dobálja az embert az élet, nehéz fenntartani a régi kapcsolatokat és még trükkösebb újakat kiépíteni. Jenn és Trin igazából azt csinálták, hogy fogták azokat a kérdéseket, amiket általában kapnak a podcastjukba és megnézték, hogy mik a közös pontok: s ezek alapján írták meg a könyvet. Tehát igazából a típuskérdésekre adnak válaszokat. A közös bennük, hogy minden a barátság körül forog: ha új városba költözöl, hol érdemes ismerkedni? Mennyire jó szorosabbra fűzni a kapcsolatot munkatársakkal? Egyáltalán van-e értelme a munkahelyi barátságoknak? Ha már összehaverkodunk valakivel, hogyan tartsuk a kapcsolatot? Mennyire legyünk rámenősek? Hogyan tartsuk életben a távbarátságokat? Mennyire vagyunk mérgező barátok? Szóval van ötlet konfliktuskezelésre, tanácsadásra és még arra is kitérnek, hogyan menedzseljük, ha pénzügyek felmerülnek a barátok közt. Sőt még arra is kitérnek, hogy mi van, ha a barátságból románc lesz.

Ugyan nem úgy készült, de igazából még a COVID időszakára, a karanténra, a kötelező távolságtartásra is lehet alkalmazni egy csomó ötletet belőle, főleg arról, hogyan lehet kapcsolatot tartani távol lévő barátokkal, vagy éppen miként vonjuk magunkat mi ki ha túlságosan sok lenne a társas érintkezés. Szóval a kötet ad tippeket extrovertáltaknak és introvertáltaknak egyaránt.
Szóval abszolút gyakorlatias könyv ez, kiváló ötletekkel és nagyon szerettem hallgatni is szokás szerint Jenn és Trin hangját. Persze nem volt annyira spontán és örömteli, mint a podcastjukban, viszont jóval összeszedettebb és kevésbé csapongó tényleg hasznos és gyakorlatias tanácsokkal teli.

Részletesen: http://olvasonaplo.net/olvasonaplo/20...
Profile Image for Yami.
215 reviews
August 23, 2020
A wonderful read focused on friendship.
In this book, despite the title we see on the cover, it treats the subject in such a realistic way and does not allow delving into imaginary things.
First it is done in parts, giving the first part as: knowing yourself, without looking for friends, and giving importance that you deserve to know yourself.
The second is to try to find friends, see if those old friends can become the new best friends, and also find new friends.
The third tells how to maintain or eliminate the poison and how to do it.
The important part is: "If you want a good friend, you must be too"
It tells you that nothing would be perfect or easy, but you will find that some of them will be worth it.
It is a book with which you can feel relieved, since it is one where it gives you explanations about almost everything about friendship, how to be healthy, how to give and receive in those relationships, since sometimes the amount matters more than the amount.
It's a read where you can have fun and learn, one of the best readings I've ever had.
Profile Image for Laurie.
132 reviews2 followers
April 26, 2021
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

I feel this book is geared toward younger people. I liked that they touched base on how to introduce yourself using what pronouns you use, which is very important. They had very good tips for people on how to successfully do this. However, in some of the situations, I don’t see how It would be necessary.

As a boss, I LOVE the mention of what not to do to paid employees it made me laugh, as I’ve seen people make these mistakes.

I think it’s always a good idea to think more deeply on who your friends are and why you are keeping them as a friend.

I highly recommend this book if you have some social anxiety and are younger. But overall, a beneficial read at any age.
Profile Image for Ancillar.
668 reviews59 followers
October 16, 2020
Friendship as an adult is hard and heartbreaking so I am so grateful to the publisher for my advanced copy . I enjoyed this book and highly recommend it. It focuses and has beautiful ideas on how to improve relationships and this beautifully illustrated guide offers tips,step by step guides on how to make small talk. After I was finished with this book I felt like I could have wonderful friendships . Highly recommend this book to EVERYONE and the cover is so gorgeous
Profile Image for Donna Woodard.
342 reviews3 followers
October 26, 2021
Heteronormativity…there is a word for you. I don’t recommend this book as a reference or gift for non-adult. There is an abundant amount of Miss Manners instruction for dealing with personal pronoun preferences.
I ignored the parts that I found objectionable in order to see if there was any value in the book. There are a couple interesting ideas but nothing new.I read library copy and did not buy this book.
Profile Image for Emmy Neal.
591 reviews161 followers
August 25, 2020
I *loved* this--the voice, the layout, the lessons! I'm buying it for my YA collection--some of the lessons are geared more towards the in-college-or-just-out-of range, but I think there is a LOT that teens could learn about communication, boundaries, and priorities. Also a great chapter on keeping friends when you're moving away/growing apart.
Profile Image for Terri.
4 reviews
December 22, 2020
I am a huge fan of the Friendshipping podcast, and have been eagerly awaiting this book since Jenn and Trin announced it would be coming out this year. It did not disappoint! This is a book I wish I had , especially as a teenager and in my early 20s, and am so glad I have now, even in my 30s. The writing flows really well, the art is beautiful, and the chemistry the podcast hosts have translates into this book.

Friendship is such a foundational part of who we are and how we see the world, and this book is full of hilarious and insightful advice, scripts, and anecdotes to help you navigate those relationships - both the good parts and the really tough conversations you sometimes need to have. It also helps distinguish between what are toxic patterns/relationships you should run from now and what are forgivable mistakes everyone will make because we are humans - and the spectrum of in between. This book offers many chances for introspection and examining your own behavior/patterns, and above all else encourages empathy and kindness, even when it is difficult.

I also appreciated how the authors used and encouraged gender inclusive language, and also addressed dynamics that have very real impacts on marginalized folks (racism, classism, ableism, sexism, transphobia, etc).

Overall, I absolutely recommend this book and the podcast!
Profile Image for you.
13 reviews
January 20, 2024
Positives:
Was easy to follow and easy to read

Advice provided was somewhat useful

Good use of dialogues to help us better understand what to say to our friends in certain situations, and how to interact with our friends

Good classification of headings and sub-headings which aid the reader in finding the sub-topics they are interested in / need help in

Negatives:

This book wasn’t the most memorable and didn’t really have any parts which resonated with me. It lacked the “wow” factor. As a result, I found myself remembering close to nothing about the book.

I saw a review which commented that the authors seem to be “pushing some sort of political agenda” onto the readers”, and I have to agree on that. As much as I understand the authors’ backgrounds, they kept on bringing up these topics in the book. There were even parts where they seemed to be imposing political correctness onto the readers, which may cause some readers to feel uncomfortable when reading the book. I would appreciate if a book about friendship kept to friendship.
Profile Image for Jennifer.
2,279 reviews19 followers
November 14, 2020
I received an eARC courtesy of Workman Publishing Company & NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

This book is full of practical, straight-forward advice on making and keeping friends as an adult (or ditching them if need be). The book works quite well as a straight read through, but might work best as a reference source (i.e., looking up specific sections that pertain to your situation). Let's be honest, making friends as an adult is super awkward, so any book that can help with that-yay!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.