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He Came in With It: A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness
In an idyllic Los Angeles neighborhood, where generations of families enjoy deep roots in old homes, the O'Rourke family fits right in. Miriam and Craig are both artists and their four children carry on the legacy. When their teenage son, Nick, is diagnosed with schizophrenia, a tumultuous decade ensues in which the family careens permanently off the conventional course.
Like the ten Biblical plagues, they are hit by one catastrophe after another, violence, evictions, arrests, a suicide attempt, a near-drowning...even cancer and a brain tumor...play against the backdrop of a wild teenage bacchanal of artmaking and drugs. With no time for hand-wringing, Miriam advances, convinced she can fix everything, while a devastated Craig retreats to their property in rural Washington State as home becomes a battlefield.
It is while cleaning out a closet, that Miriam discovers a cache of drawings and journals written by Nick throughout his spiral into schizophrenia. She begins a solitary forensic journey into the lonely labyrinth of his mind.
This is the story of how mental illness unspools an entire family. As Miriam fights to reclaim her son from the ruthless, invisible enemy, we are given an unflinching view into a world few could imagine. It exposes the shocking shortfalls of our mental health system, the destructive impact of stigma, shame and isolation, and, finally, the falsity of the notion of a perfect family. Throughout the book, it is the family's ability to find humor in the absurdities of this life that saves them. It is a parable that illustrates the true definition of a good life, allowing for the blemishes and mistakes that are part of the universal human condition. He Came In With It is the legacy of, and for, her son Nick.
Like the ten Biblical plagues, they are hit by one catastrophe after another, violence, evictions, arrests, a suicide attempt, a near-drowning...even cancer and a brain tumor...play against the backdrop of a wild teenage bacchanal of artmaking and drugs. With no time for hand-wringing, Miriam advances, convinced she can fix everything, while a devastated Craig retreats to their property in rural Washington State as home becomes a battlefield.
It is while cleaning out a closet, that Miriam discovers a cache of drawings and journals written by Nick throughout his spiral into schizophrenia. She begins a solitary forensic journey into the lonely labyrinth of his mind.
This is the story of how mental illness unspools an entire family. As Miriam fights to reclaim her son from the ruthless, invisible enemy, we are given an unflinching view into a world few could imagine. It exposes the shocking shortfalls of our mental health system, the destructive impact of stigma, shame and isolation, and, finally, the falsity of the notion of a perfect family. Throughout the book, it is the family's ability to find humor in the absurdities of this life that saves them. It is a parable that illustrates the true definition of a good life, allowing for the blemishes and mistakes that are part of the universal human condition. He Came In With It is the legacy of, and for, her son Nick.
316 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 23, 2020
34 people are currently reading
697 people want to read
About the author
Miriam Feldman
1 book7 followersMiriam Feldman is a painter, writer, and mother originally from Los Angeles, California. After her son, Nick's, diagnosis with Schizophrenia more than ten years ago, she began writing to document and explore the ways this new reality affected her relationship with her children, her husband, and herself. Her memoir, He Came in With It, explores issues of motherhood, mental illness and the politics of our mental health system.
She is also the founder and owner of Demar Feldman Studios, Inc., a specialty painting company that focuses on architectural finishes, murals, and decorative art for residential and commercial locations in Southern California and abroad. She holds an MFA in fine art from Otis College of Art and Design. Her paintings are in collections across the United States. She is represented by Hamilton Galleries in Santa Monica, Ca.
Most recently, she joined Bring Change 2 Mind, Glenn Close’s organization to fight discrimination and educate around mental illness. She is on the Advisory Council and has a monthly blog on the website. She is a frequent guest on mental health podcasts.
Miriam now resides on a farm in rural Washington State with her husband, Craig. Nick lives in the small town nearby. She splits her time between the farm and Los Angeles, painting, writing, and staying active in the mental health community.
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September 9, 2024
Artist Miriam Feldman
In the 1980s Miriam Feldman and her husband Craig O'Rourke - both artists - were happy to purchase a craftsman-style home in the toney Larchmont Village neighborhood of Los Angeles. And they were thrilled when their son Nicholas was born soon afterwards. Nick was strong and adorable and "his future was as bright as the goddamn sun."
Miriam Feldman with baby Nick O'Rourke
Craig took Nick on fishing trips and to museums, and the boy would follow Craig to his work studio in the garage. Nick was artistic like his parents, and Miriam anticipated a great career for him.
Miriam Feldman with young Nick O'Rourke
When Nick's sisters Lucy and Rose came along, they adored their big brother, and Miriam - feeling blessed with her wonderful family - strove to be the best mother she could be.
By his teens, however, Nick started to exhibit troubling behavior. He would frequently destroy things around the house, steal his sisters' belongings, and lie about where he went and what he did. After a painful break-up with a girlfriend, Nick complained of terrible thoughts in his head, and Miriam once found him with bloody slashes on his wrists. Nick became a heavy marijuana user, and spent a lot of time alone and brooding.
A drawing by Nick O'Rourke
A self-portrait by teenage Nick O'Rourke
Miriam was in denial about Nick's problems, and made a second career out of cleaning up and covering up, to hide the extent of Nick's difficulties....even from family members. Miriam clung to the belief that Nick was showing typical teenage behavior, and refused to admit - even to herself - that something was very wrong with her son.
A painting by Nick O'Rourke
Miriam Feldman writes of this painting: "This is one of my favorite paintings of Nick’s. It shows the fragmented, non-linear side of human existence. I know that Nick sees the world is a different way and his paintings are a window into his mind."
Craig thought Nick was just being lazy and willful, and thought his son only needed a firm hand to set him on the right track.
When Nick's disruptive and destructive behavior escalated, his parents confined him to the house. Craig was adamant about grounding Nick, but Miriam gave in to the boy's pleas to have coffee with his girlfriend. The outing led to a vicious physical fight between Nick and his father, the police were called, and Miriam had the opportunity to have Nick held for a psychiatric evaluation. Instead, Miriam took Nick home, thinking that if she could just get him through high school and into college, all would be be well.
Nick O'Rourke
Miriam's obsession with her son had severe consequences for the entire family. Miriam and Craig owned a property in Washington state, which they were fixing up for their golden years. Miriam encouraged Craig to spend great swaths of time in Washington, thinking she'd have freedom to 'fix' Nick without his interference. And Craig left it largely to Miriam to raise the children.
Miriam writes of her husband, "Craig's own father had walked away from his infant son and teenage wife, leaving them to make their own life. Craig had cleaved to his own son with the urgency of the bereft. We all mused that they were like John and Sean Lennon. Once schizophrenia scooped Nick up, Craig stood paralyzed as his redemption disappeared in front of his eyes." The end result was that Craig sidestepped interactions with Nick, being unable to face the boy's illness.
Miriam Feldman and Craig O'Rourke
In retrospect, Craig's absence from the family seems like a bad idea. Lucy and Rose felt deserted by their father and overlooked by their mother, who had little time for them. Rose came to feel 'invisible', and her escalating anger eventually tore her from the family.
Nick lasted all of seven days in college, and psychiatrists diagnosed him with bipolar disorder before they realized he actually had schizophrenia - one of the most frightening of all mental illnesses.
Miriam relates Nick's tragic saga in the book, admitting Nick had to be banned from the house for fear of what he'd do. Miriam writes about finding Nick a place to live; taking him to doctors; bribing him to take his medication; making financial arrangements for his well being; calling the police when he acted out; finding programs and studies to enroll him in; etc. Miriam hoped against hope that Nick would get well, but Nick is now in his thirties and still mentally ill. Miriam says about herself, "I ran headlong, haunted and wild, after my son. I am running still."
Unfortunately, the family's medical difficulties weren't confined to Nick. Miriam had severe physical problems, and Craig and Lucy fell ill as well. Luckily, Miriam had a wonderful support network of neighbors, friends, and relatives, who helped her get through the dark days.
Miriam Feldman and some of her family members
It would be instructive to learn about Nick's illness from his point of view, but the disordered thoughts of severe schizophrenics make that impossible. However, Miriam did find notebooks from Nick's teen years, which contain jottings that foreshadow his descent into mental illness. It's clear that Nick was a talented intelligent boy whose mind became clouded by the chemical imbalance associated with schizophrenia.
Though Miriam's narrative is sad and disturbing, she infuses her anecdotes with humor, which makes a welcome respite from the gloom. Miriam's ongoing ordeal has made her an advocate for those who can't speak for themselves, and she's on the advisory board of Bring Change 2 Mind, is active in the leadership of the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI), is a frequent guest on mental health podcasts, and uses social media to communicate with families dealing with mental illness.
Miriam Feldman
This book is recommended to people dealing with mentally ill individuals, and anyone else with an interest in the subject.
Thanks to Netgalley, the author (Miriam Feldman), and the publisher (Turner) for a copy of the book.
You can follow my reviews at https://reviewsbybarbsaffer.blogspot.com
August 6, 2020
A beautiful, timely work, the stunning memoir of the mother of a schizophrenic son. I have to admit, I expected a very different kind of book--something requiring many Kleenexes. Instead, artist Miriam Feldman's chronicle of the first ten years of her son's mental illness is brash, poignant, paced like a suspense novel and bravely self-revealing, as she follows his schizophrenic break and its effects not only on him and her but on every member of this family. How did a painter learn to write such gorgeous prose? And how did she learn to pace so well? The humor clearly was intrinsic, but the ability to tell the raw truth was hard-won.
It's a time when our society has begun to question the way police have become charged with being the main interface between the mentally ill and what is left of our mental health system. In the absence of a concerted support network of mental hospitals, social workers, psychiatric first responders, and insurance as exist in many other countries, families are on their own. In America, you have the police and the churning wheel of the 72 hour "stabilize and release" system. You have families forced to care for very disturbed people, trying to get them to stay on medication and keep a roof over their heads, always a step way from eviction. As Feldman that the police are the ones who show up and can save you, but on the other hand they are armed and could very well kill her son if things go wrong:
"Nick, you have to leave. I told you that you can't be here."
"Cmon, Mom. I just want something to eat. What's the big deal?"
"I told him that if he didn't leave, I would call the police. He was trespassing. I had learned that these situations can be an opportunity. If you call the police, there is the possibility that you can get them hospitalized. There is also the possibility that someone could end up dead..."
What I liked especially about this book was how the emotional key keeps changing. Also that there are no big whacks of undigested medical or psych facts, no clinical or pop-psych terminology. This isn't a clinical book, it's a book about one specific, tough, flawed woman and what it's like to take care of someone so unpredictable, to live in such an extreme uncertainty. The impression you're left with is one of incredible vitality, humor and earthiness as a human being, qualities that that enabled her to fully engage in the place life dumped her.
Anybody who has a serious mental illness in the family will recognize so much of this. Yet as such a person myself, I was surprised how the opposite of 'triggering' it was. Not reassuring, exactly, though yes, it was--because Feldman and her family are surviving it, each shattered in his or her own way, pulling each other together again. Not only because of Nick's illness but the individual problems exacerbated by the stress on the family. It is reassuring and desperate and knowing and honest, allowing to be said out loud things many have thought and experienced without talking about it--as if to talk about it would make it worse, would make it more real.
In the process, Feldman continues working her mural painting business, begins fine-art painting again after a long hiatus, and develops a yoga and a meditation practice which is never presented as a panacea, but as a strengthening to face life. She undergoes physical illness, as do other family members. A person who never wanted to rely on others, Feldman finds herself reaching out--to friends, to family, and to strangers. She shares. She overshares. She keeps a lid on it. Sometimes help comes in the form of someone in the street, a waitress at a fast food place her son goes to, a daughter, a medical person--but just as often, she's fighting her way through the maze of what's left of our disastrous mental health system--Kaiser its own labyrinth--and Social Security--when she's not trying to keep her son on his medication and in an apartment.
One of the most difficult things is for Feldman to really accept is that her son will be "right" again. He will be mentally ill for the rest of his life. He was an exceptionally talented, handsome, charismatic young person, and she sees glimpses of that from time to time, and it raises her hopes that THAT Nick will return. But only when she lets go her illusions of returning to a picture-perfect life, a super-achiever Nick who goes on to college and marriage and a full life, can she embrace the Nick she's got, the life she's got, and move forward for herself and her family.
There's her marriage, her husband whose response to the son's break is altogether different from Feldman's---he and the son had been very close before the break, but now he pulls away, his son's illness is too painful for him to interact with. Their two daughters have their own strengths and their own issues--one becomes the little mother, while the youngest suffers the absence of her mother in the years the brother demanded so much attention, and develops difficulties of her own.
What's lovely about the book is that it reads like a novel--the ups and downs, the complex of characters, the layers of motivations, and such beautiful writing which brings us into Feldman's world and keeps us there. Here is a bit from the beginning, as sixteen year old Nick begins to show signs of trouble, calling her at 4:45 a.m. from a party in Topanga which the father did not want him attending:
" 'I just need you to come get me.' It was still dark when I left the house. Los Angeles is a big, full city, but at certain times it shimmers like an empty stage set, waiting for the show to start."
And so it does..
It's a time when our society has begun to question the way police have become charged with being the main interface between the mentally ill and what is left of our mental health system. In the absence of a concerted support network of mental hospitals, social workers, psychiatric first responders, and insurance as exist in many other countries, families are on their own. In America, you have the police and the churning wheel of the 72 hour "stabilize and release" system. You have families forced to care for very disturbed people, trying to get them to stay on medication and keep a roof over their heads, always a step way from eviction. As Feldman that the police are the ones who show up and can save you, but on the other hand they are armed and could very well kill her son if things go wrong:
"Nick, you have to leave. I told you that you can't be here."
"Cmon, Mom. I just want something to eat. What's the big deal?"
"I told him that if he didn't leave, I would call the police. He was trespassing. I had learned that these situations can be an opportunity. If you call the police, there is the possibility that you can get them hospitalized. There is also the possibility that someone could end up dead..."
What I liked especially about this book was how the emotional key keeps changing. Also that there are no big whacks of undigested medical or psych facts, no clinical or pop-psych terminology. This isn't a clinical book, it's a book about one specific, tough, flawed woman and what it's like to take care of someone so unpredictable, to live in such an extreme uncertainty. The impression you're left with is one of incredible vitality, humor and earthiness as a human being, qualities that that enabled her to fully engage in the place life dumped her.
Anybody who has a serious mental illness in the family will recognize so much of this. Yet as such a person myself, I was surprised how the opposite of 'triggering' it was. Not reassuring, exactly, though yes, it was--because Feldman and her family are surviving it, each shattered in his or her own way, pulling each other together again. Not only because of Nick's illness but the individual problems exacerbated by the stress on the family. It is reassuring and desperate and knowing and honest, allowing to be said out loud things many have thought and experienced without talking about it--as if to talk about it would make it worse, would make it more real.
In the process, Feldman continues working her mural painting business, begins fine-art painting again after a long hiatus, and develops a yoga and a meditation practice which is never presented as a panacea, but as a strengthening to face life. She undergoes physical illness, as do other family members. A person who never wanted to rely on others, Feldman finds herself reaching out--to friends, to family, and to strangers. She shares. She overshares. She keeps a lid on it. Sometimes help comes in the form of someone in the street, a waitress at a fast food place her son goes to, a daughter, a medical person--but just as often, she's fighting her way through the maze of what's left of our disastrous mental health system--Kaiser its own labyrinth--and Social Security--when she's not trying to keep her son on his medication and in an apartment.
One of the most difficult things is for Feldman to really accept is that her son will be "right" again. He will be mentally ill for the rest of his life. He was an exceptionally talented, handsome, charismatic young person, and she sees glimpses of that from time to time, and it raises her hopes that THAT Nick will return. But only when she lets go her illusions of returning to a picture-perfect life, a super-achiever Nick who goes on to college and marriage and a full life, can she embrace the Nick she's got, the life she's got, and move forward for herself and her family.
There's her marriage, her husband whose response to the son's break is altogether different from Feldman's---he and the son had been very close before the break, but now he pulls away, his son's illness is too painful for him to interact with. Their two daughters have their own strengths and their own issues--one becomes the little mother, while the youngest suffers the absence of her mother in the years the brother demanded so much attention, and develops difficulties of her own.
What's lovely about the book is that it reads like a novel--the ups and downs, the complex of characters, the layers of motivations, and such beautiful writing which brings us into Feldman's world and keeps us there. Here is a bit from the beginning, as sixteen year old Nick begins to show signs of trouble, calling her at 4:45 a.m. from a party in Topanga which the father did not want him attending:
" 'I just need you to come get me.' It was still dark when I left the house. Los Angeles is a big, full city, but at certain times it shimmers like an empty stage set, waiting for the show to start."
And so it does..
July 4, 2020
Originally published on The Nerd Daily | Review by Beth Mowbray
In He Came In With It: A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness, artist Miriam Feldman expands into writing by sharing very personal experiences with her son’s mental illness as well as the greater impacts on the entire family.
Growing up Nick was a bright, shining light in Feldman’s family. Intelligent and creative, with a great big heart, he charmed those around him and showed great promise as a budding young artist. As he grew into his teenage years, Nick began to engage in some typical adolescent behaviors of exploration and rebellion — lying to his parents about where he was going and what he was doing, experimenting with drugs, falling in love, and having sex for the first time. These behaviours gradually slid into the more bizarre, however. Like so many mothers would, Feldman found herself wanting to protect her son, to explain away these occurrences as something she could fix if only given the proper space and time. For years she took this approach until finally it could be denied no longer that something more significant was happening with Nick.
Read the FULL REVIEW on The Nerd Daily
In He Came In With It: A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness, artist Miriam Feldman expands into writing by sharing very personal experiences with her son’s mental illness as well as the greater impacts on the entire family.
Growing up Nick was a bright, shining light in Feldman’s family. Intelligent and creative, with a great big heart, he charmed those around him and showed great promise as a budding young artist. As he grew into his teenage years, Nick began to engage in some typical adolescent behaviors of exploration and rebellion — lying to his parents about where he was going and what he was doing, experimenting with drugs, falling in love, and having sex for the first time. These behaviours gradually slid into the more bizarre, however. Like so many mothers would, Feldman found herself wanting to protect her son, to explain away these occurrences as something she could fix if only given the proper space and time. For years she took this approach until finally it could be denied no longer that something more significant was happening with Nick.
Read the FULL REVIEW on The Nerd Daily
August 5, 2020
At about the half-way point Miriam describes being at a party where someone asks about her son, Nick. Two hours later everyone has cleared out and she is still talking. I could relate, at the 2/3 point I had to put the book aside. I couldn't spend more time with her family. The book is intense, it's one damn thing after another. There is never any rest or breathing room. In a way, this relentlessness is effective, but I was overwhelmed. I needed less.
This book could be a lifesaver for anyone going through an unbelievably difficult circumstance of dealing with a loved one's mental illness. It's well written, feels organic and very heartfelt. For the right person this is an essential read.
This book could be a lifesaver for anyone going through an unbelievably difficult circumstance of dealing with a loved one's mental illness. It's well written, feels organic and very heartfelt. For the right person this is an essential read.
November 20, 2020
Audiobook for me and I really enjoyed the narrator. One of the best I’ve heard. Highly recommend it.
This is my second book on schizophrenia and I loved it.
I’m originally from California so I clearly understand all of the story and the places in this book.
I was moved by the authors honesty. Watching her take me through her tough decisions, such as.
*Banning her son from the house.
*His Homelessness because of it.
*Drugs use.
*The Violence, and so much more.
I completely understood her tantrum toward God, and it really spoke to me. I know the raw crippling pain of a dysfunctional life. When you’re trying to find “normal”. It all feels like it just to much. Anybody understand what I’m saying?
If you want to get a glimpse of this mental illness and read a well written novel, then this is the book for you.
Thanks to the publisher via Netgalley for this great audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
This is my second book on schizophrenia and I loved it.
I’m originally from California so I clearly understand all of the story and the places in this book.
I was moved by the authors honesty. Watching her take me through her tough decisions, such as.
*Banning her son from the house.
*His Homelessness because of it.
*Drugs use.
*The Violence, and so much more.
I completely understood her tantrum toward God, and it really spoke to me. I know the raw crippling pain of a dysfunctional life. When you’re trying to find “normal”. It all feels like it just to much. Anybody understand what I’m saying?
If you want to get a glimpse of this mental illness and read a well written novel, then this is the book for you.
Thanks to the publisher via Netgalley for this great audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
August 24, 2020
I finished this book the same day as Mental: Lithium, Love, and Losing My Mind, which was A Lot. Both books deal with unraveling minds among the Jewish-American Bohemian Bourgeoisie set in Los Angeles. Both could only have been written by members of the upper-middle class. A searing indictment of our contemporary society.
April 16, 2022
Miriam Feldman’s wonderful book will be released tomorrow, and I highly recommend it.
Ever since my book was released (when there were very few memoirs around that dealt with schizophrenia in a child) they now seem to be everywhere. I have read many of them, and Miriam’s memoir stands out as not only relatable (I marked so many passages I almost ran out of ink) but also poetic, artistic, and funny. Miriam is an artist (murals and more) by trade, and her artistry definitely extends to the written word.
Plus she made me laugh out loud – something you wouldn’t think you can do when your heart is broken by a devastating, unrelenting illness thrust upon your beloved child. But you can, and we must.
Miriam Feldman takes us through the facts, the loneliness, the strength, the love, and the roller coaster of hope and heartbreak.
You will fall in love with her son Nick, and grieve the loss of what might have been…and hope for what might be. As I do every day with my son Ben.
Ever since my book was released (when there were very few memoirs around that dealt with schizophrenia in a child) they now seem to be everywhere. I have read many of them, and Miriam’s memoir stands out as not only relatable (I marked so many passages I almost ran out of ink) but also poetic, artistic, and funny. Miriam is an artist (murals and more) by trade, and her artistry definitely extends to the written word.
Plus she made me laugh out loud – something you wouldn’t think you can do when your heart is broken by a devastating, unrelenting illness thrust upon your beloved child. But you can, and we must.
Miriam Feldman takes us through the facts, the loneliness, the strength, the love, and the roller coaster of hope and heartbreak.
You will fall in love with her son Nick, and grieve the loss of what might have been…and hope for what might be. As I do every day with my son Ben.
December 30, 2020
Miriam and Craig seem to have it all. Fulfilling and rewarding careers as successful artists, four amazing kids and a beautiful home in a great area of L.A. Their lives are blessed ... at least, that was how it seemed until suddenly their son, their beautiful, artistic, intelligent and sociable son, Nick, started behaving strangely.
Thus began a multi-year odyssey into the world of mental illness and the search for someone, anyone, who could help Nick, and the rest of the family cope with his Schizophrenia.
In HE CAME IN WITH IT, Nick's mother Miriam, learns just how terribly flawed the U.S. Mental Health system is, and how profoundly the lives of not just Nick, but the rest of his siblings are irrevocably changed by his new reality.
While Miriam tries to maintain her successful art and mural painting career with its exclusive clientele, Nick's behavior rapidly worsens and it soon becomes apparent that Nick's suffering will not end anytime soon (if ever.)
Once when talking with a friend, Miriam admitted to having a brief fantasy of driving herself and Nick off a cliff together. "The swath of maternal pretending fell away. We sat with the truth of what it means to be a mother."
I was thoroughly drawn into her story. I too have a son with mental illness (bi-polar, not Schizophrenia) and I empathize with her struggles. At one point she mentions how difficult it is "To see the unspooling of your son's mind, like fine wire...." A statement loaded with so much emotion.
Although we live in separate countries (Miriam in the United States and I in Canada) I see many parallels and similarities in our lives.
A touching and real view into the life of a mother, a family, and a country and how a single person's mental illness touches the lives of all those around them. It is not always pretty (in fact it rarely is) but in the midst of anguish there are moments of redemption that are just enough to keep hope alive.
I listened to HE CAME IN WITH IT as an audiobook and I highly recommend this as the way to experience Miriam and Nick's story. Narrator Ann Richardson is a phenomenal talent. Her pacing is sheer perfection and the way she emotes will have readers feeling as if it is the author herself speaking. Her narration rates a ten out of ten and it is easy to see why she continuously wins awards for her voice.
I rate HE CAME IN WITH IT - the Audiobook - as a solid 5 OUT OF 5 STARS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I highly recommend this memoir to anyone who wants to learn more about the realities of loving someone who is profoundly mentally ill through no fault of their own.
Thank you to #NetGalley for providing me with a free copy of #HeCameInWithIt
http://bit.ly/SchizophreniaMom
Thus began a multi-year odyssey into the world of mental illness and the search for someone, anyone, who could help Nick, and the rest of the family cope with his Schizophrenia.
In HE CAME IN WITH IT, Nick's mother Miriam, learns just how terribly flawed the U.S. Mental Health system is, and how profoundly the lives of not just Nick, but the rest of his siblings are irrevocably changed by his new reality.
While Miriam tries to maintain her successful art and mural painting career with its exclusive clientele, Nick's behavior rapidly worsens and it soon becomes apparent that Nick's suffering will not end anytime soon (if ever.)
Once when talking with a friend, Miriam admitted to having a brief fantasy of driving herself and Nick off a cliff together. "The swath of maternal pretending fell away. We sat with the truth of what it means to be a mother."
I was thoroughly drawn into her story. I too have a son with mental illness (bi-polar, not Schizophrenia) and I empathize with her struggles. At one point she mentions how difficult it is "To see the unspooling of your son's mind, like fine wire...." A statement loaded with so much emotion.
Although we live in separate countries (Miriam in the United States and I in Canada) I see many parallels and similarities in our lives.
A touching and real view into the life of a mother, a family, and a country and how a single person's mental illness touches the lives of all those around them. It is not always pretty (in fact it rarely is) but in the midst of anguish there are moments of redemption that are just enough to keep hope alive.
I listened to HE CAME IN WITH IT as an audiobook and I highly recommend this as the way to experience Miriam and Nick's story. Narrator Ann Richardson is a phenomenal talent. Her pacing is sheer perfection and the way she emotes will have readers feeling as if it is the author herself speaking. Her narration rates a ten out of ten and it is easy to see why she continuously wins awards for her voice.
I rate HE CAME IN WITH IT - the Audiobook - as a solid 5 OUT OF 5 STARS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I highly recommend this memoir to anyone who wants to learn more about the realities of loving someone who is profoundly mentally ill through no fault of their own.
Thank you to #NetGalley for providing me with a free copy of #HeCameInWithIt
http://bit.ly/SchizophreniaMom
December 31, 2020
This is a fabulous Audiobook and should be on every adult's #mustread list.
Go to http://bit.ly/SchizophreniaMom to read the full review and to see pictures of the author and her son Nick who has #schizophrenia
Thanks to #NetGalley for providing me with a free copy of this #audiobook
Go to http://bit.ly/SchizophreniaMom to read the full review and to see pictures of the author and her son Nick who has #schizophrenia
Thanks to #NetGalley for providing me with a free copy of this #audiobook
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July 21, 2020When a book, in this case a memoir, is heaped in praise before it even gets out of the gate, that’s usually reason for readers to take notice.
Read our full coverage here:
https://booktrib.com/2020/07/he-came-...
Read our full coverage here:
https://booktrib.com/2020/07/he-came-...
September 24, 2020
O.k. So I’ve known this woman for a long. I know she can paint like nobody’s business, but write? I don’t know about you, but how many plays, poetry readings etc have you gone to and had to lie to a friend because you didn’t want to hurt their feelings? Miriam is my friend and she has writen a book. So of course I bought it.
Started reading early in the evening. By 6 pm I canceled everything I was supposed to do and kept reading until I was finished, somewhere around 3 am in the morning.
It read like a thriller. “I know her”, I thought to myself, as I wondered, “what the hell is she going to do now”? It was beautiful, painful and meaningful. I believe because Miriam is a painter she was able to create a world so vivid, so specific, I felt every experience. I was in every hospital, sidewalk, Dr’s appointment, small dark apartment. Every grim experience to the small and hopeful glimmer of light was a world painted with words. A world where I wept, a world where I laughed till I fell out of my chair. And schizophrenia is not a funny subject. Her level of honesty was a vulnerabilty rarely seen in a story written about a child by their mother. It is such a great testament to her heart and her depth of love for her son. You come away knowing there has to be hope, and there must be changes in the mental health system. Even if you don’t have a child who has a mental illness or a disability, buy this book, read it, then buy some more books. The holidays are coming. This book needs to be in peoples hands. It is a Grand book.
Started reading early in the evening. By 6 pm I canceled everything I was supposed to do and kept reading until I was finished, somewhere around 3 am in the morning.
It read like a thriller. “I know her”, I thought to myself, as I wondered, “what the hell is she going to do now”? It was beautiful, painful and meaningful. I believe because Miriam is a painter she was able to create a world so vivid, so specific, I felt every experience. I was in every hospital, sidewalk, Dr’s appointment, small dark apartment. Every grim experience to the small and hopeful glimmer of light was a world painted with words. A world where I wept, a world where I laughed till I fell out of my chair. And schizophrenia is not a funny subject. Her level of honesty was a vulnerabilty rarely seen in a story written about a child by their mother. It is such a great testament to her heart and her depth of love for her son. You come away knowing there has to be hope, and there must be changes in the mental health system. Even if you don’t have a child who has a mental illness or a disability, buy this book, read it, then buy some more books. The holidays are coming. This book needs to be in peoples hands. It is a Grand book.
September 27, 2020
This important memoir gives us a window into living with a family member who is suffering with mental illness---in this case, a son, Nick. Told by his mother, Miriam Feldman, it's a story we are woefully unfamiliar with in our society, as we continue to sweep mental health away, out of our sight. Feldman holds her life up to us, in full view, warts and all, as she skillfully navigates us through one harrowing, humorous, and moving scenario after another. We, the reader, can't help but fall in with this mother-son pair as they do the very best they can in an untenable landscape of our non-sensical health system, biased views, and "normal" conventions of life. Although it's a story trained through a lens of mental illness, at its heart it's a story of unconditional love, and what it means to be a mother. Highly recommend.
January 20, 2021
This book reminded me of a lot of what my family has gone through. I like that the author was able to elaborate on all the various emotions and experiences that families go through related to a loved one with mental illness on top of everything else life throws at us.
June 30, 2023
what a wild ride this was..
September 28, 2020
Nick's life isn't the way anyone expected it to be. Born into a family of artists, his parents dreamed about his future. You see him grow up. Then you see a shattering, and you see his mother—my grandma—trying to put together the pieces, wondering if everything was already broken.
Nick is my uncle. One of my strongest memories of him is of a day he carefully read a story to my siblings and me. I asked him why he paused at every period. He said, "Because that's the way it's supposed to be."
I have never been able to wrap my brain around what it is that plagues my uncle's mind. What is schizophrenia? What is it like to live with it? Seeing Nick from my grandmother's eyes, reading his poetry—this book offers a perspective that leaves me reeling and longing for hope.
This memoir is a poignant intertwining of memories—of Nick, his parents, his sisters, the people around him who entered and left, who entered and stayed. It is unashamedly honest. You will step through the doorframe and enter the house. It will not always look the way you wish. My grandma's artist's hands will shape a story for you of the things that both break us and change us: disease, depravity, loss, love. You will walk beside her, you will laugh and cry.
"As it progressed, the script got sloppier, and he changed colored pencils often. The poems became blatant calls for help. Requests for another chance. Promises of reformation. Then he started writing on anything. His sentences no longer held level; they curved downward, as if falling off the page.
"After a while, if you're lucky,
you'll find that as an artist you'll
arrive at a flow that is
your style of painting.
And, sticking to it, you'll develop a sort of font
that can be recognized as
something you've written."
– He Came in with It, poem by Nick
This book is beautifully written. Her masterful command of the English language is evident on every page. The tension between mother and son, hope and despair drives the story forward until you are on the edge of your seat. The story captivated me, the writing. My grandma's examination of past events puts into words the fears that often circle through my own mind: if we had done differently, would we be where we are today? There are warnings and questions, and you are reminded Nick's story still continues.
As I closed the book, in all these stories, I saw a thread. A cry for something more. A hope that pain cannot be all there is to life. A deeper work that is not always wished for but desperately needed. I was reminded of how we do not wish for pain; yet, through it, we are taught lessons that would never take root in our hearts otherwise.
Keep writing, Grandma. I love you!
Nick is my uncle. One of my strongest memories of him is of a day he carefully read a story to my siblings and me. I asked him why he paused at every period. He said, "Because that's the way it's supposed to be."
I have never been able to wrap my brain around what it is that plagues my uncle's mind. What is schizophrenia? What is it like to live with it? Seeing Nick from my grandmother's eyes, reading his poetry—this book offers a perspective that leaves me reeling and longing for hope.
This memoir is a poignant intertwining of memories—of Nick, his parents, his sisters, the people around him who entered and left, who entered and stayed. It is unashamedly honest. You will step through the doorframe and enter the house. It will not always look the way you wish. My grandma's artist's hands will shape a story for you of the things that both break us and change us: disease, depravity, loss, love. You will walk beside her, you will laugh and cry.
"As it progressed, the script got sloppier, and he changed colored pencils often. The poems became blatant calls for help. Requests for another chance. Promises of reformation. Then he started writing on anything. His sentences no longer held level; they curved downward, as if falling off the page.
"After a while, if you're lucky,
you'll find that as an artist you'll
arrive at a flow that is
your style of painting.
And, sticking to it, you'll develop a sort of font
that can be recognized as
something you've written."
– He Came in with It, poem by Nick
This book is beautifully written. Her masterful command of the English language is evident on every page. The tension between mother and son, hope and despair drives the story forward until you are on the edge of your seat. The story captivated me, the writing. My grandma's examination of past events puts into words the fears that often circle through my own mind: if we had done differently, would we be where we are today? There are warnings and questions, and you are reminded Nick's story still continues.
As I closed the book, in all these stories, I saw a thread. A cry for something more. A hope that pain cannot be all there is to life. A deeper work that is not always wished for but desperately needed. I was reminded of how we do not wish for pain; yet, through it, we are taught lessons that would never take root in our hearts otherwise.
Keep writing, Grandma. I love you!
Read
February 10, 2025I found this book through the “3 Moms in the Trenches” podcast and my OTD Capstone experience. Feldman describes her lived experience of having a son labeled with schizophrenia. Feldman pours out her heart and shares her story in a candid way. I loved this memoir so much because of Feldman’s rawness, honesty, and how heartfelt the memoir was. As hard as it was to read some of the stories Feldman has experienced, I learned so much through her lived experience.
September 22, 2020
An amazing book! So well written, and so relatable as a mother with an young male adult schizophrenic child. I felt she was telling the world the story of what we have gone through and are still experiencing as a family. It made me feel like I was not alone in this world, someone else had gone through the very same feelings and experiences. Thank you Miriam, for writing this book!
May 1, 2020
A deeply profound and troubling story about one family's struggle with their son's devolve into a severe mental illness, and yet, it's hopeful and unifying.
Miriam Feldman, an artist, a mother, writer, a mental health advocate, and so much more invites the reader into her chaotic, heart-breaking, but hugely honest and authentic life raising a son with schizophrenia in HE CAME WITH IT (Turner Publishing, June 23 2020).
I'm no stranger to mental illness. My mother died by suicide five years ago after a lifelong battle with schizoaffective disorder. I worked as a child/adolescent psychiatric R.N. and to say that I've seen it all would be inaccurate. Each individual and each family present differently. We're individuals. We don't always respond the same, even if the diagnosis--or the overall issue--is similar. That's why so much more awareness, openness, and advocacy is needed. And that's why we need more books like HE CAME WITH IT.
The Feldman-O'Rourke's live in an idyllic L.A. suburb where generations of families enjoy deep roots in old homes. Miriam and Craig are both artists. Together, they have four children. But something's 'off,' about Nick, and maybe always has been, but Miriam is sure she's 'missed the signs.' Nick's teenage years get off to a bumpy start--art, dark poetry, drugs--could it just be that this is simply 'being a teenager?' But stranger things happen still. A failed attempt at college. Violence. Cutting. Suicide attempts. Eviction. Filth. Arrests. And it's not just Nick. His sisters struggle, too. Not with mental illness, per se, but boyfriends and illness and alcoholism. Miriam needs neck surgery and there's a tumor in her brain, another daughter gets cancer. Meanwhile, Craig retreats to their Washington 'farm,' leaving Miriam to work her way through the wreckage.
HE CAME WITH IT is a tough read. It's open, and honest, a portrait of a so-called 'perfect' family stripped to the studs as each of these issues are revealed. It's not just a story about how mental illness affects one person, but how it can unspool an entire family. At the heart of the narrative is Miriam's can-do, will-fix attitude. She dispenses her adult son's medication daily for eight years, she cleans his roach-invested apartment, she arranges drug trials, seeks out psychiatrists, attends family group sessions, takes her son to therapy and endless lunches out. And yet, there's a shortfall. It's the mental health system. It's privacy concerns.
But that's not the focus of HE CAME WITH IT; here's what is: finding the silver lining. Because there is one. It just might look different from what you planned. It might not be what your neighbors have or even what someone else living with mental illness experiences.
I applaud the author's willingness to expose the ugly truths of her son's mental illness as well as her personal struggles. At times, I found the narrative hard to read. There is some gallows humor that may turn some off, for me, I saw it as the author's wry sense of humor, a stripped-down honesty; others might take offense. There were a few decisions the family made that made me wince, but that could just be me--and again--I have not been in these unique situations.
Ultimately, HE CAME WITH IT is about hope, finding a good life, and allowing the mistakes and blemishes be a part of our everyday. Because, we're all flawed.
You might also enjoy Kay Redfield Jamison's work, Terri Cheney's books (THE DARK SIDE OF INNOCENCE and MANIC), MY LOVELY WIFE IN THE PSYCH WARD (Mark Lukach), NO ONE CARES ABOUT CRAZY PEOPLE (Ron Powers). And...though it's not about mental illness, I found some similarities between this title and HOUSE LESSONS (Erica Bauermeister) in terms of Washington state and old homes.
For all my reviews, including author interviews, please see: www.leslielindsay.com|Always with a Book
Special thanks to Spark Point Studio and Turner Publications for this review copy. All thoughts are my own.
Miriam Feldman, an artist, a mother, writer, a mental health advocate, and so much more invites the reader into her chaotic, heart-breaking, but hugely honest and authentic life raising a son with schizophrenia in HE CAME WITH IT (Turner Publishing, June 23 2020).
I'm no stranger to mental illness. My mother died by suicide five years ago after a lifelong battle with schizoaffective disorder. I worked as a child/adolescent psychiatric R.N. and to say that I've seen it all would be inaccurate. Each individual and each family present differently. We're individuals. We don't always respond the same, even if the diagnosis--or the overall issue--is similar. That's why so much more awareness, openness, and advocacy is needed. And that's why we need more books like HE CAME WITH IT.
The Feldman-O'Rourke's live in an idyllic L.A. suburb where generations of families enjoy deep roots in old homes. Miriam and Craig are both artists. Together, they have four children. But something's 'off,' about Nick, and maybe always has been, but Miriam is sure she's 'missed the signs.' Nick's teenage years get off to a bumpy start--art, dark poetry, drugs--could it just be that this is simply 'being a teenager?' But stranger things happen still. A failed attempt at college. Violence. Cutting. Suicide attempts. Eviction. Filth. Arrests. And it's not just Nick. His sisters struggle, too. Not with mental illness, per se, but boyfriends and illness and alcoholism. Miriam needs neck surgery and there's a tumor in her brain, another daughter gets cancer. Meanwhile, Craig retreats to their Washington 'farm,' leaving Miriam to work her way through the wreckage.
HE CAME WITH IT is a tough read. It's open, and honest, a portrait of a so-called 'perfect' family stripped to the studs as each of these issues are revealed. It's not just a story about how mental illness affects one person, but how it can unspool an entire family. At the heart of the narrative is Miriam's can-do, will-fix attitude. She dispenses her adult son's medication daily for eight years, she cleans his roach-invested apartment, she arranges drug trials, seeks out psychiatrists, attends family group sessions, takes her son to therapy and endless lunches out. And yet, there's a shortfall. It's the mental health system. It's privacy concerns.
But that's not the focus of HE CAME WITH IT; here's what is: finding the silver lining. Because there is one. It just might look different from what you planned. It might not be what your neighbors have or even what someone else living with mental illness experiences.
I applaud the author's willingness to expose the ugly truths of her son's mental illness as well as her personal struggles. At times, I found the narrative hard to read. There is some gallows humor that may turn some off, for me, I saw it as the author's wry sense of humor, a stripped-down honesty; others might take offense. There were a few decisions the family made that made me wince, but that could just be me--and again--I have not been in these unique situations.
Ultimately, HE CAME WITH IT is about hope, finding a good life, and allowing the mistakes and blemishes be a part of our everyday. Because, we're all flawed.
You might also enjoy Kay Redfield Jamison's work, Terri Cheney's books (THE DARK SIDE OF INNOCENCE and MANIC), MY LOVELY WIFE IN THE PSYCH WARD (Mark Lukach), NO ONE CARES ABOUT CRAZY PEOPLE (Ron Powers). And...though it's not about mental illness, I found some similarities between this title and HOUSE LESSONS (Erica Bauermeister) in terms of Washington state and old homes.
For all my reviews, including author interviews, please see: www.leslielindsay.com|Always with a Book
Special thanks to Spark Point Studio and Turner Publications for this review copy. All thoughts are my own.
August 22, 2020
I was initially drawn to this book as a mental health professional. When you work in this field, it seems one can never get enough stories and personal experiences. Each person's testimony helps create a clearer picture of the onset, progression, and lifetime of the diagnosis while also reinforcing the understanding that each person's experience is his/her/their own.
Miriam writes an honest depiction of what its like to raise a son with Schizophrenia. Just saying that word can bring to mind all kinds of scary scenarios for people. However, as shown in this book, medication and supportive individuals, can help a person with this diagnosis manage symptoms and even live independently. It's not a death sentence.
I appreciated Miriam's raw honesty. She didn't seem to pull her punches and wrote what she was actually experiencing as a mom who loves so deeply but is pushed far beyond her limit. I admire this writer as a wife and a mother; she proved she has a wealth of strength and bravery to keep pushing, trying, providing for, and, above all, loving unconditionally. It is truly amazing what can be managed for the love of a child.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story and am thankful Miriam Feldman decided to journal her experience and share it with all of us.
Miriam writes an honest depiction of what its like to raise a son with Schizophrenia. Just saying that word can bring to mind all kinds of scary scenarios for people. However, as shown in this book, medication and supportive individuals, can help a person with this diagnosis manage symptoms and even live independently. It's not a death sentence.
I appreciated Miriam's raw honesty. She didn't seem to pull her punches and wrote what she was actually experiencing as a mom who loves so deeply but is pushed far beyond her limit. I admire this writer as a wife and a mother; she proved she has a wealth of strength and bravery to keep pushing, trying, providing for, and, above all, loving unconditionally. It is truly amazing what can be managed for the love of a child.
Overall, I really enjoyed this story and am thankful Miriam Feldman decided to journal her experience and share it with all of us.
November 30, 2020
He Came In With It is a bold observation of a son’s dizzying descent into schizophrenia. More than that, it is an unflinching look at his mother’s experience with this life-changing journey.
The author shines a bright light on her thoughts and actions as a mother. The self-reflection is raw and often unflattering. It is clear that she was often angry at her son and her other children for their shortcomings, likely fueled by a mother’s difficulty mourning lost dreams and expectations. The anger was intense and hinted at her own unfulfilled needs for love, success, and a picture perfect family.
This audiobook was expertly narrated. She achieved the perfect balance between neutrality and bringing the characters to life. Even with this masterful narration, I found myself disliking the author’s depiction of herself. I realized it is hard to read true stories of a mother who has been impatient and unkind to her struggling child. However, the author should be praised for her honesty and beautiful writing. It is my hope that this self-awareness will continue to help her heal.
Thank you to NetGalley, author, narrator, and publisher for the opportunity to listen to this audiobook. The opinions in this review are entirely my own.
The author shines a bright light on her thoughts and actions as a mother. The self-reflection is raw and often unflattering. It is clear that she was often angry at her son and her other children for their shortcomings, likely fueled by a mother’s difficulty mourning lost dreams and expectations. The anger was intense and hinted at her own unfulfilled needs for love, success, and a picture perfect family.
This audiobook was expertly narrated. She achieved the perfect balance between neutrality and bringing the characters to life. Even with this masterful narration, I found myself disliking the author’s depiction of herself. I realized it is hard to read true stories of a mother who has been impatient and unkind to her struggling child. However, the author should be praised for her honesty and beautiful writing. It is my hope that this self-awareness will continue to help her heal.
Thank you to NetGalley, author, narrator, and publisher for the opportunity to listen to this audiobook. The opinions in this review are entirely my own.
August 4, 2020
This an unrelenting fast paced memoir into that brings to life the devastation caused by a family members decent into schizophrenia.
The writing is vivid, real, and I felt as if I was experiencing the frustration, heartbreak, redemption, confusion, upyielding hope the entire time.
I can envision this memoir as a must read for family members who live with a loved one who has schizophrenia. Much in the same way people who enter AA find comfort, solace, and strength sharing their stories with people with similar problems, this book can be leveraged for the same purpose.
The unfiltered narrative at times feels a little too revealing but after reflecting upon the story as a whole I think this memoir only works with the way nothing was held back. It is honest, brutal, and unyielding.
One part of the book stood out to me though was a moment when Miriam was sitting with her husband talking about their son and he said to the effect that he can’t look at his son because he feels that he himself is a hair breadths away from being just like him. I could relate to that and it was very powerful moment for me in the book.
The writing is vivid, real, and I felt as if I was experiencing the frustration, heartbreak, redemption, confusion, upyielding hope the entire time.
I can envision this memoir as a must read for family members who live with a loved one who has schizophrenia. Much in the same way people who enter AA find comfort, solace, and strength sharing their stories with people with similar problems, this book can be leveraged for the same purpose.
The unfiltered narrative at times feels a little too revealing but after reflecting upon the story as a whole I think this memoir only works with the way nothing was held back. It is honest, brutal, and unyielding.
One part of the book stood out to me though was a moment when Miriam was sitting with her husband talking about their son and he said to the effect that he can’t look at his son because he feels that he himself is a hair breadths away from being just like him. I could relate to that and it was very powerful moment for me in the book.
September 28, 2020
I was profoundly moved reading Miriam Feldman's masterpiece of story telling, He Came in With It, which is a raw and honest mother's memoir of her remarkably intelligent and talented artist son Nick's decline into the dark chasm of schizophrenia. It chronicles decades of her courageous fight to keep him afloat in America's severely broken mental health system. I laughed out loud, cried more than once, and was at moments profoundly shocked. Mental illness is still often a taboo discussion and one that is so misunderstood and feared; it is time people tell their stories and that change happens in the medical and social arenas. Miriam is a heroine, a warrior mother who has never given up hope that Nick can improve and live a more fulfilling life, and perhaps paint again.
A philosopher and poet, Nick's condition has fettered his deepest thoughts and emotions. As a mother of two sons I applaud her devotion and her super heroine tenacity to do right by her family and Nick.
A philosopher and poet, Nick's condition has fettered his deepest thoughts and emotions. As a mother of two sons I applaud her devotion and her super heroine tenacity to do right by her family and Nick.
September 28, 2020
He Came With It is a poignant memoir of a mother's (indeed, the whole family) struggle with her son's mental illness. I expected that I would cry by the end of this book. I expected that sadness would overwhelm me. But instead, I came away with hope.
The writing is beautiful and the reader feels like she is going through every instance right along with Miriam. It is because of Miriam and her strength, perseverance and unconditional love that the book ends with hope.
Thank you. Miriam, for shinning a spotlight on the effects of mental illness in families. Thank you for doing so in a way that is touching, but also sometimes funny. Thank you for sharing your journey with the world.
The writing is beautiful and the reader feels like she is going through every instance right along with Miriam. It is because of Miriam and her strength, perseverance and unconditional love that the book ends with hope.
Thank you. Miriam, for shinning a spotlight on the effects of mental illness in families. Thank you for doing so in a way that is touching, but also sometimes funny. Thank you for sharing your journey with the world.
Read
August 19, 2020This is a brutally honest, funny story of a journey through raising a child who is descending into a mental health nightmare. I was impressed by the author's take on the story and how it mirrored my own journey with raising my child who has suffered a traumatic brain injury. While she does not have the same mental illness, parenting issues are remarkably similar. It was refreshing to hear that there are others who have been through the same things and to find out that you are not alone in this process.
I applaud Miriam for sharing her journey with us all and shining a light on mental illness. It shouldn't be hid in a closet. We should be trying to understand and be tolerant.
I applaud Miriam for sharing her journey with us all and shining a light on mental illness. It shouldn't be hid in a closet. We should be trying to understand and be tolerant.
October 21, 2020
I’ve read a lot of great memoirs this year, but this one stood out.
Miriam is an artist, mother and spouse. The story centers on her relationships, mainly with her son who has schizophrenia. I think reading how she navigated her own feelings surrounding the diagnosis and life shifts after would be relatable to anyone who has cared for a family member in any capacity. I also found interesting (and terribly sad) how she mentally created a version of her son to help her cope.
Also, the Book Description in goodreads is superfluous and don’t bother reading that. I don’t know if I would have read this had I read that first.
Miriam is an artist, mother and spouse. The story centers on her relationships, mainly with her son who has schizophrenia. I think reading how she navigated her own feelings surrounding the diagnosis and life shifts after would be relatable to anyone who has cared for a family member in any capacity. I also found interesting (and terribly sad) how she mentally created a version of her son to help her cope.
Also, the Book Description in goodreads is superfluous and don’t bother reading that. I don’t know if I would have read this had I read that first.
December 7, 2022
Took me a while to get through because I was listening to it on Audible. Read it because my brother had schizophrenia and ultimately disappeared one day and ended up on the streets and is believed to have died there. Although my brother’s disappearance affected our family and my parents badly this book in a way made me think that in a way it was a blessing that it ended the way it did for my family. I do not believe that my family could have coped with what the author and her family have and continue to cope with because of her sons diagnosis.
Book was well written although quite a lot to take on. I wish their family peace hopefully from all the trauma they’ve faced.
Book was well written although quite a lot to take on. I wish their family peace hopefully from all the trauma they’ve faced.
October 9, 2020
This is a book about a beautiful boy suffering from mental illness and the story that Miriam wrote about it is quite moving. A heart-wrenching tale of schizophrenia and what it can do to not just one person, but his or her entire family. The book is moving, informative, sad, heartbreaking, funny and occasionally even hilarious. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you learn. I highly recommend this book to anybody on the prowl for a book you won’t be able to put down for more than a minute. Read this book! You won’t regret it!
September 26, 2021
I have just finished reading this book. I’m so amazed by how beautiful it can put feelings into words. Although I’m a slow reader I was “drinking” this book (sometimes didn’t even have the patience to google a word because I wanted to just keep reading). I feel every single thing written very much in my heart. I admire how human, raw, honest and open it is. That’s so much more inspiring than anything else. The love described as a mother is so beautiful and deep and superhuman. I hope this book gets translated into German soon I have so many friends that I would love to gift it to.
August 1, 2020
I wish Miriam lived in my state of Minnesota. Her big open heart and sense of humor displayed fully in her beautifully written book would be welcome here or anywhere families who have children with schizophrenia like hers and mine are trying to cope.
This book also illustrates differences in two state mental health systems. More than any other illness, it matters where you live for serious mental illness.
This book also illustrates differences in two state mental health systems. More than any other illness, it matters where you live for serious mental illness.
September 23, 2020
This is a heartbreaking and beautiful book that also had moments that made me laugh out loud. Miriam Feldman’s story of the pain and frustration of desperately trying to save one child from mental illness while holding the rest of her family together is told with brutal honesty. How our broken mental healthcare system has made it nearly impossible to help the most vulnerable people in our society should concern us all. This is a book that every parent should read.
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