Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond

by Hilary Flower

Finally, the 2nd edition of a much-needed book! There is no doubt about it—when breastfeeding and pregnancy overlap, the questions abound. This book is still the only comprehensive resource on this topic. Hilary Flower gives complete and in-depth answers to a wide range of questions related to breastfeeding during pregnancy and tandem nursing. Drawn from a great reservoir of mother wisdom, this book pools the stories of over 300 mothers from around the world. Extensive reviews of medical research and discussions with experts in the fields of nutrition, obstetrics, and anthropology have provided the author with a thorough understanding of this important topic. Each person’s experience will be a one-of-a-kind adventure, full of surprises and choices. Adventures in Tandem Nursing provides an essential source of support, humor, and information for the journey. The 2nd edition has the latest research on safety and nutrition, many more mothers’ stories and quotes, checklists to keep you on track, chapter summaries, online resources, and all new photos and illustrations. You will also find four additional high risk pregnancy, the nursling’s needs, closely spaced babies, and "triandem" nursing.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Health, Family

407 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2003

About the author

Hilary Flower lives in Florida with her youngest (16 yrs). She teaches Environmental Studies at Eckerd College. She holds a B.A. in English from the University of Virginia, an M.A. in Geological Sciences from the University of California, Santa Barbara, and a Ph.D. from the University of South Florida, Tampa. Her writing has appeared in many magazines, including Mothering Magazine, Salon.com, and Brain, Child. Hilary Flower is the author of the books, ADVENTURES IN TANDEM NURSING and ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE.

Reviews

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up from the library of my local La Leche League group because we are in the process of adopting baby #3 and I am currently nursing baby #2. Ideally, I hope to breastfeed our adopted baby and I expect this will be most likely to work out if I'm still nursing our daughter, thus making me a tandem nursing mama. This book is chock full of information and personal perspectives on what it means to nurse two children at once and has a lovely encouraging, non-judgmental tone about whatever choices mothers end up making. There was lots of info that doesn't apply to my situation (breastfeeding through pregnancy) but there is indeed a whole chapter on breastfeeding an adopted baby.

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was a little disappointed that it didn't have much about nursing a small baby through pregnancy, but it has lots of great information about the safety of nursing through pregnancy and what to expect. Also great nutritional info about how many calories to consume (2500!? What, do I LOOK like Michael Phelps!?), and very reassuring research about how your body is very unlikely to become deficient of anything as long as you're eating a balanced diet.

[Sonya Feher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read only the sections of this book that pertained to weaning. Of all the research I’ve done on weaning, this book was the most valuable resource. Whether you are ever planning on having another child, chapter 10, “Changes in Breastfeeding” will help you evaluate readiness for weaning, negative feelings you have about nursing or struggles with your child, how to but back with empathy. It offers very loving solutions for both mother and child. Also, be sure to read the anecdotes on pages 291-7, if you have a high need or "spirited" child.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

LLL was a lifesaver for me after the death of my daughter, Celeste. The night before her funeral I called the Austin LLL representative on duty, Rebel, at FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, weeping because I was so engorged and in pain and I flat didn't think I could get through the approaching funeral. Without so much as a, "Couldn't you have waited a couple more hours before you called?" she gently and kindly talked me through what I needed to do. (And sending my dad out to the grocery store to buy cabbage at four in the morning is the stuff of family legend. What that cashier must have been thinking!) At various other times during my childbearing years LLL was a tremendous help and a guide, so I am generally a fan of the organization and the very needed and practical support they provide. When this book was in my daughter's pile of schoolbooks for her doula training and because she thought it would answer most of the questions I was asking her, she loaned it to me to read for myself so that I would be the most well-informed Marmee around.

The book is divided into three sections. All the useful information in Section 1 could easily be reduced into a nice, long magazine article. Section 3, personal stories, was interesting, but unnecessary. Section 2, however, is the reason to buy the book and keep it on hand during childbearing years. The meat is all in Section 2 and the answers to most questions about tandem nursing and lactating through pregnancy are there and thoroughly annotated. It too could be edited to be a pamphlet length treatment or a few blog posts.

It is a pet peeve of mine when I can tell that a publisher is padding a book to make it of a certain length and that is what happened here. . .huge margins, lots of very unneeded repetition, the insertion of indented anecdotes and cutesy graphics to fill space, etc.

While I am sure that tandem nursing mothers might not mind all the repetition and graphics and anecdotes, I can also envision that tandem nursing mothers are BUSY and superfluous content is not their friend. On the other hand, if they have some down time while nursing, they might enjoy all the extras that fall into my pet peeve category at this season of my life.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nursing and trying to conceive? Already pregnant? Nursing a toddler and a baby?

This book will make you feel normal, not like the freak so many people will assume you are :-)

Everything from detailed dietary information to pictures showing nifty positions for your nursing toddler and new baby. It gives tips for if you're nursing a baby and pregnant again, to help make sure your baby is getting enough food or if you will need to add in some formula.

As far as I know, this is the only book out there dedicated to nursing while pregnant or nursing two children who are different ages.

I recommend it to all nursing moms who are currently trying to conceive or are pregnant because the advice and tips start for pregnancy, before the new baby arrives and you are officially a tandem nurser.

And don't judge - most of my fellow tandem-nurses say "I would NEVER have expected to be one of those weird moms." Sometimes plans change :-)

*******
I'm donating this book to the local LLL. My adventures are over (and have been for a while) but this was a great resource for me.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I never intended to be this crunchy.

This was a helpful resource for me as I finished up a second pregnancy while still occasionally nursing a toddler. I thought my daughter would "self-wean" while I was pregnant because that's what everyone told me ... but when she turned two as I entered my third trimester and she still asked to nurse at bedtime, I decided I needed some input.

This book is well-researched, full of practical tips and good advice. I could have done without the long anecdotes at the end (part 3), but can see how some readers would find solace in knowing they aren't alone.

My favorite chapter had very little to do with breastfeeding, but simply addressed the general challenges and concerns of becoming a mother of two—how a mom might feel differently toward her first baby, how bonding might be different the second time around, how it might affect the partner, how it might affect the heart. I found it surprisingly comforting.

My second favorite chapter suggested that your partner leave snacks in convenient places around the house for you, and I jokingly showed this to my husband ... then bawled like the post-partum hormonal mess I was when he actually did leave snacks and full water bottles by all my nursing spots every morning the first week he went back to work. So I'm thankful that this book reminded both of us that nursing moms have important physical needs, even if it seemed "over the top" at first. ❤

[Danielle Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another book chosen while researching child spacing. This is the only book out there written completely about tandem nursing, and since there's not a lot of scientific data about the practice (here or elsewhere in the world), the author is very dependent on testimonials written by mothers who attempted to nurse through pregnancy and/or to tandem nurse. Some were successful and others weren't. I learned a lot from the book about tandem nursing, but I also learned a lot about how long-term breastfeeding works, like how mother's milk changes over time. I didn't realize how much that wasn't covered in the other breastfeeding texts I've read until I read this. There's also some good and interesting information about what's "normal" in terms of breastfeeding in other countries, usually developing ones where culture is still dominated by indigenous practices. Also very positive is how friendly the language of this book is to families who fall outside of the two partner, heteronormative structure, including women who are adopting infants or who are in same-sex relationships.

[J E · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the 2003 edition and skipped the chapter on adoption; otherwise I read everything.

This book is a MUST for any woman entering pregnancy with a nursing child. The first section of the book was a very broad overview, and while I felt at times I wanted more details (like how to prioritize self care when nursing a toddler and pregnant), I realized that what was most important was that the decision to wean or not is complex and will be different for every mother-child pair. I loved reading the other mothers' stories and dog eared some pages with tips for my daughter.

The health information was also so clear about advantages and disadvantages at every step. After a nurse suggested I wean my child because nursing could induce contractions, I was happy to find a section in this book that addressed that exact worry and conclude that the human body is incredibly made with plenty of natural inhibitors that make those "nursing contractions" ineffective until the pregnancy is at term.

This book gave me knowledge, strategies, and confidence to continue mothering both my born and unborn child in the way that works best for our family. ❤

[Helin Shiah]

Well, I wish I'd known about this book earlier, as the first half is about nursing while pregnant. I only heard about it from a lactation consultant a couple weeks after having baby though.

Overall this book was reassuring about tandem nursing and the common concerns, eg supply, boundaries. I appreciated the suggestions for managing the older kid, like specific language to use to explain boundaries and why you are implementing them. And I also thought it was helpful to understand that nursing order for the two kids is largely irrelevant if the baby is pretty much nursing constantly (ie Baby will get enough milk over the day even if sibling is nursing whenever as well).

It was also nice to read some stories about other families and what is normal behavior for the older sibling.

[Jennifer Truman · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is full of great research alongside personal success stories if tandem nursing mom's. Put my mind at ease and gave me answers for all the questions other people had while I was pregnant and nursing. Love the chapter on nursing nutrition.

Only two things I wish, that there was an update in the last 15 years with more research and that it had more of a chapter on dealing with the toddler side if tandem nursing including weaning strategies.

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book because we want our first born to have a close-in-age sibling, but it would also break my heart to stop breastfeeding before she's ready! This book gave me a lot of insight on what to expect, and honestly inspired me to give tandem nursing a go! It balances the benefits of tandem nursing with non-judgmental words if you chose to wean during pregnancy.

[Karin · Rating 5 out of 5]

The value of this book lies in its uniqueness. There is still nothing like it. It has info for safety of nursing during pregnancy, weaning and the normal, but sometimes uncomfortable feelings which seem so prevalent while nursing 2.

[Sydney Wise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was nervous about tandem nursing but after reading this book I was so much more confident in my choice to tandem nurse and how to overcome any challenges

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative, especially in terms of your options around weaning and what tandem could look like. Positives and negatives!

[Annie Donette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a necessary book on a subject that somehow still feels taboo.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best breastfeeding books/resources I have ever come across. Excellent research combined with relatable testimonies!

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good anecdotes and very informative. I really enjoyed the honest stories of other mothers and their journeys in tandem nursing

[Justina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I had read this while I was pregnant. I basically learned everything anyway, the hard way, but I think it would have helped me to know how hard it was for others. Everything I had read about tandem nursing before doing it myself was all rainbows and unicorns, and the truth is, tandem nursing is REALLY HARD. Especially in the beginning. And a whole lot of moms never quite figure out how to nurse both at the same time, and that's okay. I always thought it was just physically impossible for me and/or that I must be doing it wrong. I thought there was something wrong with me because I avoid nursing both at the same time like the plague, and can't relax and enjoy it when I am nursing both. Reading this book, especially the last section with the mothers' stories, assured me that plenty of other moms are in the same boat.

[Alisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book really helped me at this point, right before having my baby and still nursing one. I wish I had realized how much it talks about nursing during pregnancy, and that THAT is when tandem nursing starts. I could have used it this whole TIME. It wasn't the suggestions on how to balance both needs that helped (though after this baby is born it may help most with that)-- for me it was the honest recollections of how the mom felt emotionally while being so needed by more than one baby.

Glad to have read and to have added to my knowledge base. So many people don't even know its completely OK to nurse two at once. They respond thinking something is WRONG and that I'm endangering my health. Glad to have some comraderie through the women in this book.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

i skipped a couple chapters since they probably won't apply to me (adopting and twins) but overall it was a really informative book. however, i was hoping it would be a more of an encouraging "you will get through this" type of tandem book. it was in some areas but i was just looking forward to reading quite a few stories of women not losing their milk supply during pregnancy but instead it was the opposite. oh well, im sure i will find this book much more useful and helpful when i become pregnant.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this when I was nursing while pregnant. Now six months later and long after I've weaned my older, I finally got around to reading it. I did wish I'd read it back then. It would have helped me have a better attitude about dealing with the pain during breastfeeding, and maybe a better way of dealing with the situation. Still, I found it interesting to read because a lot of it applies to the situation I now am in - having a newborn and toddler. Even though the toddler does not nurse, a lot of what the book talks about helps in my situation.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have really mixed feelings with this book. I think there was a lot of good information, but I almost feel discouraged about tandem nursing. I don't know if reading the logistics and possible problems was more intimidating than I expected, or some of the photos that just look so exhausting that make me nervous about our tandem journey. I did really enjoy the mother's stories at the end because they assuaged some of my fears and made the process sound manageable even though there may be some speed bumps along the way.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found it very interesting and reassuring for any future pregnancies I might have while breastfeeding. I wish it had more information on nursing a small child while pregnant- most of the stories were of toddlers and not babies who are still so dependent on breastmilk for nutrition. But interesting and I'm glad I read it and I know why it's always checked out at the library.

[Kit · Rating 4 out of 5]

It really helped me envision the logistics of nursing two. I think the most disappointing part of the book was that because there are so few studies of tandem nursing - and the studies that exist have tiny samples - it's hard to make a fact-based decision about nursing through pregnancy, particularly if you're experiencing a pregnancy that has some complications.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book & knowing what my options are if I am in this situation. I loved reading other women's stories, their anxieties, emotions etc. towards this topic. I found it very helpful to know there is a great resource out there if I need it. it was very easy to read; to put down & pick back up. The chapters were broken up easily.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really helpful book for anyone who is still breastfeeding when she becomes pregnant again. Lots of good information about what to expect and it's still useful even if you don't plan to still be nursing the older child when the baby is born. Although, there's lots of help for managing nursing two at once also, once the baby is born!

[phoenix · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you happen to need it, this is a great book, full of information that is otherwise difficult to find and complete with real life stories from women who have survived and at times thrived with this particular mamahood challenge.

[Katrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for those mothers out there you are pregnant while nursing, considering getting pregnant while nursing, or find themselves nursing two little ones. Very well researched with lots of personal anecdotes from many mothers also.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for nursing mothers with siblings, whether you nurse more than one at a time or not. The stories of other women validated and normalized just about every dark/wierd/crazy thought that I had or other worries. Such a precious collection.

[Monique · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good resource for pregnant woman who are still nursing. I didn't know anyone who had nursed while pregnant and it gave me the information I was looking for and the support I needed.