Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate

by Neil Clark Warren, Ken Abraham (Contributor)

The founder of eHarmony online relationship service offers guidance for identifying character traits that can be measured to evaluate a couple's potential compatibility.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Psychology, Nonfiction, Love, Personal Development, Marriage

233 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Neil Clark Warren is an American clinical psychologist, Christian theologian, seminary professor and co-founder of the online relationship sites eHarmony and Compatible Partners.
In 1995, Warren and his son-in-law, Greg Forgatch, created Neil Clark Warren & Associates, a company which offers seminars and teaching tools based on Warren's books. In early 2000, they established eHarmony, an online compatibility matching service which gained two million users in its first three years. After retiring in 2007, Warren came out of retirement in July 2012, returning as the chief executive of eHarmony.

Reviews

[Ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really recommend this to anyone who is dating. The end goal does not have to be marriage and it's not only for traditionalists. I wish I had read this years earlier. I lent it to a friend, but I suspect it's sitting in a box unread somewhere deemed too cheesy. Although the advice the book gives is based on common sense, it's good to get a reminder from time to time. Before reading this book I'd made poor relationship choices. Clark Warren would say I "ignored the red flags" like lying, cheating, and stealing. You can give a person a few chances, but after that, their behavior is most likely part of their character. And character is pretty hard to change. Anyways, not long after reading this I met a wonderful man. We're still together four years later. This book helped me open my heart to meeting people who were more compatible with my beliefs and interests. Sorry if that sounds too much like an eHarmony add!

[Princess · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is okay. At times I felt I was reading an extended commercial for eharmony though and it was a bit annoying. There was good information though. I wish it had been available when I was in my dating years. I may do their online personality profile. I was glad to learn that my husband and I are indeed compatible, something that the author presents as very difficult unless you've done things their way.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really relculant to read this book, I didn't want to feel bad about my relationship. I decided I wasn't going to read it, when I flipped it open and read just one chapter on an attribute to look for in mate and I was hooked. The book is written very well, clear and concise. I lost steam about 30 pages to the end, but it was a good book. I would recommend to anyone who is about to get married or any single person who is wondering about their relationships.

[Funda Guzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amerika da e harmony programını anlatan bu kitap Türkiye de Esra Erol programının bilgisayar programı işe yapılmış kopyasını anlatıyor. Detaylar gayet güzeldi. Aklımdaki işi yapmışlar.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very informative. Warren definitely preached about the pros of his baby, eHarmony.com.
It gives great advice about how to identify a good spouse and what will make a life-long lasting relationship. Some of his ideas in this book were contradictive. One case is that he describes that before a relationship you need to be mentally stable, part of me wonders if this pertains to people with mental disabilities, like depression and anxiety? Or if he means it's hopeless for people to find love who have depression and anxiety or that you need to have it figured out with either professional help, medication, etc... before getting married? That's just one example, but overall the book gives you some excellent things to think about before getting married.

[K · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m not sure what he was trying to say but I hope it wasn’t what I read.

Apparently, a lot that HAS to happen otherwise the relationship is doomed. For example, marrying a depressed person is a huge mistake because you will never be able to enjoy time together?
This book isn’t for people who don’t have their crap together already. And if you struggle with mental health issues or aren’t the average “ideal” person looking to date then this book is more of a get to know yourself guide if you still have to read it.

[Joy Archibald · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, I found the relationship advice really insightful and helpful! My only complaint would be that the first part of the book (and some references throughout) read like a commercial for eHarmony. Understandable, though, since he founded it and believes strongly in it. However, even if you don't use eHarmony, the information about the 29 dimensions of compatibility, and the tools in the appendix are very valuable!

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughtful. Categorized and opened my eyes to some things I couldn’t articulate. Even learned a new word - obstreperous.

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first 50-pages read like an eHarmony ad. If you ignore that and read the traits the book talks about, it's pretty interesting. There is nothing revolutionary or life-changingly new, but the author breaks down things everyone should be looking for when they are seriously looking for a spouse.

The author put feelings I've had into words that give me the vocabulary to explain what I want and why some things never worked out.

[Chey Chaitanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book to understand compatibility with life partner.Explained various factors to look for.

[Tricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting view of relationships from a more secular perspective.

[Doug · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons” is a book by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony. The book describes all of the dimensions which eHarmony has come up with which make for good, long-lasting relationships. I personally think this book is an excellent reference which I’d recommend to almost anyone who is dating or would like to be. This book could be your brain when your judgement is foggy due to your feelings of attraction. It contains a bunch of solid, well researched advice. It’s logic minus the feelings which can help with the perspective you may wish you had when in love. However, if you’re a person who just wants to go with whatever you feel at the moment and don’t really want to think about it, then you aren’t likely to enjoy this book. Read more...

[Shreyas Saxena · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons” is a book by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony. As cheesy as the title sounds, it is quite a decent book. Every now and then in your life, a person is haunted by the question of soul mate. A friend of mine passed on the book to me during my bachelor.

The book is well written and has some really interesting points. The author is a clinical psychologist, and gives interesting anecdotes from his career to back up his claims or opinions. I find myself in accord with all the crucial points he raise for a serious relationship. If you are having second thoughts, take my advice: "Buy it!". At the very least, the book will give you some interesting stories/anecdotes.

[JoAnne Potter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr Warren's 29 measures of compatibility have some merit, but his hard experience with marriage counseling has led him to disallow completely those suffering from habitual moral lapses or anger issues from effective relationships. That makes some sense, but it also leaves out a significant percentage of us. Certainly it helps to know those things beforehand, but sometimes, such as in my marriage, that God entrusted my husband and I to one another, knowing we had issues to work through, and helped us do it. In some ways, Dr. Warren is too simplistic, but his 29 attributes do make a good guide.

[Marc · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the author does present himself as the end all be all in terms of his relationship expertise, I believe one benefits most from this book by viewing it with skepticism. Some of his assertions that every person can and deserves to find a 'perfect' match seems to conflict with the breadth of people he is encouraging you to 'run away from' because they are depressed or otherwise curse with some incurable ailment (slight exaggeration).

Overlooking that you come away with very direct and rationally stated areas of compatibility which, make a lot of sense.

[Monica Mckeon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A close friend gave me this book to read after her and her husband had dinner with Dr. Warren. EHarmony was pursuing him as the companies potential controller (as I recall). She really was impressed with their meeting. She gave the book to me as I was sorting out lots of conflicts with, at the time, my spouse. After reading it I was shocked that out of the 29 dimensions, I had only one in common with said spouse. Eye opening book!! Should have read it years ago. 10 years ago to be specific.

[Jaime · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was recommended by a friend--the book was used in her divorce recovery class. It is basically a description of how eharmony works and the criteria it uses--the 29 dimensions--to match prospective suitors. I thought the book had many valid points and think it would be useful for anyone returning to dating-or for younger people who want to get it right the first time.

[Angelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really like this book. It helped me know what I'm looking for. The research is in. The best relationships are those where two people have the same interests, backgrounds etc. "Birds of a feather". This book also had the best secular argument I've ever read for why you don't have sex before marriage.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

God used this book to lead me to my incredible husband, so it's very dear to my heart. I'm also reading it again because it's just so good. Solid solid principles for finding the right person to marry. Highly recommend it to anyone!!!

[patience · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wholeheartedly believe that to be happiest in a relationship you should be as much alike as possible with your partner. This book essentially explains Warren's philosophy and how eHarmony works. He's on to something, love or hate him.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

skip the first section selling you on the website- very solid advice on a healthy marriage. practical advice, not exclusively Christian.

[Mmuskopf1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned about the 29 dimensions that make for successful relationships. Very good information.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This should be required reading for everyone, young and old alike, before they start dating!

[The Corrupt Author · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beautifully written, it is a plug to join E Harmony, but other than that it's perfect. I don't think anyone wound dislike this book

[Rachael Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for work - we interviewed Dr. Warren for our podcast. The 20+ areas of compatibility are great food for thought when discerning whether or not a partnership would work long term; however, I rated only 4 stars because, frankly, the prospect of filtering through so many categories is overwhelming. As such, this book is good to skim if you're wondering why you keep picking incompatible partners, or if you are a member of eHarmony and want to better understand how they select your matches. There are better dating books out there, such as Boundaries in Dating by Drs. Cloud & Townsend.