My mother is in her 70s and she has spent the last decade often casually mentioning the fact that if she didn't happen to look in the mirror, or down at her aging hands, she would never know that she is that old. She doesn't feel her age. What it means to be in your 70s is of course subjective, but what she means is that she doesn't feel the way that others seem to expect her to feel. She doesn't want to slow down, she still has big dreams and plans for the next decades, she still travels, and is learning a new language (her fifth? sixth?) and she does intense physical work in her garden. Sure, there might be some aches here and there, but overall, she has very little interest in the "senior" activities offered by her community and the implied lower level of these activities. Last summer, one of her neighbors kindly reprimanded her for traveling abroad, saying that "people our age really shouldn't be doing those sorts of things." We often talk about aging and the way she notices people treating her differently, or the feeling of becoming more and more invisible as you age. Society, it seems, has very low expectations for the later decades of our lives.
And so when I saw this book, I was excited to read it, because it seemed to be a book that goes against the general trend of talking about older age as this terrible time of aches and pain and decline. After reading it, I’d highly recommend this book to everyone, both because we will all age someday and/or have people we love who might get there first.
There is so much information packed into these pages, but here are some of the key takeaways:
1. One of the most important things that will determine how well you age is the strength of your bonds to others. So cultivate love and friendships, and keep at them, throughout life. And rid yourself of toxic people; stress is bad. Love is good.
2. Physical activity matters, a lot. Your brain wants novelty and exercise, ideally in nature. So go for runs and walks and hikes and bike rides and keep at it. Most of what we think of as inevitable signs of aging is actually just the effect of being out of shape. Even if you have been out of shape, start now, even if you are in your 80s and 90s. It will make a huge difference to your mental alertness.
3. Your brain wants and needs to keep exploring and learning new things. So take walks and take in new surroundings. Travel if you can. Interact with new people. It is especially important to engage with new technology, both because learning to use it is good for your brain, but also bc it keeps you from feeling like you are too old to be current.
4. Drink more water, and use hydration salts if needed. A lot of mental fogginess is probably just dehydration, because as we age, the system responsible for signaling thirst gets worn out and we don't register the need as much.
5. Eat well. There are probably many forms of eating that will work, but the few absolutes are that we need veggies, lots and a variety, and proteins and good fats. Also, restricting calories (via fasting intervals) seems to be really healthy, but do whatever healthy thing feels doable. But lots of veggies, and nuts and fish and lean meats.
6. If you enjoy your profession, don't ever retire. Or if you retire, find a way to fill your day with meaningful work. Retirement is bad for your brain. Feeling needed and knowing you have a reason to get up each morning to meaningfully contribute to society matters. Knowing someone is counting on you to deliver matters. Stay involved. There is no reason you can't still be contributing in your 80s and 90s and beyond.
7. A lot of mental confusion in elderly adults is often actually a side-effect of all of their medicines interacting and causing havoc. Take responsibility for your medical records, and continue discussing what you are on, and whether you should drop any drugs. Many doctors are reticent to do this, since the status quo is easier to uphold than risking seeing how you fare without all of the medicines, but you are often overly medicated. Find a primary care physician you trust and build a relationship with them.
8. When it does come to aging, three questions to ask yourself will help guide decisions about where and how to live: Who will change the lightbulbs? (targets questions of care, cleaning, housework, cooking). What if I want to go out for ice cream? (targets questions of spontaneity, walkability of neighborhood, autonomy). Who will I have lunch with? (targets questions of social network, community fit, availability of social events and activities, friendship).
Reading this book made me realize that there is a lot more hope in aging and aging well than we usually talk about. And it did make me realize why, in part, my mother has done well: she is intellectually engaged, keeps trying new things, keeps learning new languages, is very physically active, and eats healthily. She isn't letting a number keep her from setting goals. She is, in other words, doing many of the things this book recommends. Now if only I could get here to drink more water. But that might be a battle I will never win.