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Raising Upright Kids in an Upside Down World
From raunchy television shows to immoral peers, the barriers to raising moral and mature children are higher and more treacherous than ever. In Raising Upright Kids in an Upside-Down World, acclaimed Catholic psychologist Dr. Ray Guarendi offers parents a roadmap through this difficult and sometimes frightening terrain.
Dr. Ray brings to bear his decades of clinical experience—and his experience as a father of ten—with some of the hardest questions of modern parenting:
How do you manage kids' access to pop culture—and to the corporations who all want a piece of their allowance? How do you respond to others, including your own family, who don’t approve of your countercultural parenting? How do you handle the overabundance of stuff—toys, clothes, technology—that clogs up your family's everyday life? When do you give (or take away) a smartphone? How much freedom do you give your kids to choose their own friends—and when do you step in when they make wrong choices? What are the habits of mind you need to form in them so they can stand strong against a morally and spiritually corrosive culture?Raising Upright Kids in an Upside-Down World is a clarion call for strong, confident parenting in confusing times. More importantly, Dr. Ray gives you the resources to grow in that confidence: the knowledge of an expert, the insight of an experienced clinician, and the wisdom of decades of fatherhood. This is a book for parents who aim to form children who value the things of God, no matter the work and the effort. Dr. Ray is here to tell you: it's worth it.
144 pages, Paperback
Published January 15, 2020
33 people are currently reading
188 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
June 29, 2020
My existing bias is in support of many of the high-level concepts in this book (for instance: excessive media exposure can have a negative impact on children). However, I found this book off-putting and would recommend finding a different book on this topic.
First, the tone is needlessly snarky and hostile. More importantly, the book is constructed as an overdramatized emotional appeal to frightened parents. The author presents a poorly composed argument backed with broad generalizations, several “studies” quoted without citations (although a few do reference specific examples, most don’t), and anecdotal evidence. Hypothetical examples are also mixed in with the author’s personal experience and it is sometimes difficult to decipher which is which.
The author presents his claims as evidence-backed conclusions, so I would have liked to see more robust data rather than such a strong reliance on hearsay.
First, the tone is needlessly snarky and hostile. More importantly, the book is constructed as an overdramatized emotional appeal to frightened parents. The author presents a poorly composed argument backed with broad generalizations, several “studies” quoted without citations (although a few do reference specific examples, most don’t), and anecdotal evidence. Hypothetical examples are also mixed in with the author’s personal experience and it is sometimes difficult to decipher which is which.
The author presents his claims as evidence-backed conclusions, so I would have liked to see more robust data rather than such a strong reliance on hearsay.
December 31, 2020
I really enjoy listening to Dr Ray Guarendi's show on Catholic radio. From prior experience listening to him, I know he is a no nonsense person that will tell you how it is no matter how non-p.c. it may be. I love his occasional sarcasm and humor. Not everyone does so you may be offended listening to him or reading his books. However with that being said, he is a treasure trove of information between his decades of psychiatry practice and raising his TEN children.
This was a rather quick, no nonsense approach to how to keep the current ungodly culture from permeating our children's lives. Lots of tips, little doctor speak.
This was a rather quick, no nonsense approach to how to keep the current ungodly culture from permeating our children's lives. Lots of tips, little doctor speak.
April 9, 2020
Quick read for anyone who feels like they are at times swimming against culture when it comes to parenting.
April 13, 2021
A helpful read for any parent who doesn't want their kids embracing today's culture. Guarendi gives good insights and practical tips for the battle.
May 8, 2024
I read this book aloud to my wife during nursing periods for our firstborn. This is my first foray into this author and into the parenting genre in general. I am also a Catholic mental health counselor, and found the book highly relevant to my practice, and found myself thinking of a number of my clients, both children and parents. It was a quick read as well, only about 135 pages or so.
The author is very witty and humorous, and comes from a place of a lot of experience, both as a psychologist who has worked with many families, and as a father of ten. It was largely an enjoyable and entertaining read while still providing keen insight into the parenting situation.
The central thesis of the book is this: as a parent, you're allowed to say no, irrespective of all the pressures put on you to say yes. The book also does an excellent job differentiating psychological harm from moral harm, the latter of which the field of psychology is often uninterested in addressing but which is of high concern to parents.
My favorite chapter was the last one, since it presented a shift in perspective and offered words of encouragement and reality for parents.
What I Liked:
I enjoyed the humor and sarcasm, though I understand not every reader might.
I appreciated how he was able to set up the negative case, explaining in detail what the reader as a parent is up against, and walking exactly through the pressures that might be on them, and why the rhetoric pressuring parents is faulty.
I appreciated the constant return to the central point: you're allowed to say no.
I liked how although it comes clearly from a Catholic perspective, it can be read by a wider audience. Certainly available to all Christians; most of the book before the last page or so should be accessible to non-Christians as well. I have a Protestant friend to whom I am going to recommend this book.
What I Disliked:
Stylistically, some of the humor, snark, and puns were a little too much. There was quite a bit of creativity when it came to naming children in anecdotal examples, some of which was charming (e.g. Mario was a kid addicted to video games) but some of it was confusing and required a double take when kids were named random nouns and it took a few moments to figure out that it's referring to a human.
The author admits to not being very tech-savvy, but most of the book revolves around technology. Granted, the relevant information is about the psychological and moral effects of technology, about which the author is an expert. Nonetheless, the way some technologies were explained was somewhat outdated, lending to a reduced feeling of credibility on the part of the reader, even if the expertise of the author wasn't actually in question.
On the issue of technology, most of the middle chapters started out with something along the lines of "Now I'm not saying technology is intrinsically bad, but" and then walks down to a conclusion that most technology should be either eliminated or at least limited as much as reasonably possible. (There were, however, many helpful recommendations for how to navigate technology in situations where getting rid of it was impossible.) I don't disagree with the sentiment, but the repetition made the middle segment of the book feel a bit like a slog.
One thing that is important in my approach to my work with kids is making sure they feel respected. Granted, this is less important than the child's safety, and the book wasn't about this, but it was a question that kept coming to mind for me. I do get the argument that sometimes keeping your child safe is going to make you look like a tyrant in their eyes, and that as a parent it's important to be okay with that. Still, in my work with children, I find that a huge factor that does stress them out, and often is cited as a reason for rebellion, is feeling disrespected. To illustrate an example of how I feel, in one part of the book, an experiment was described: turn off a video game in the middle of the child playing it. It wasn't meant as an intervention for the child, but just to demonstrate that the child's reaction indicates an unhealthy attachment to the game. Whether the game is healthy or not, it feels to me like that kind of intervention does not recognize that the child considers the game to be important, and to trespass on the activity in that way just to see if it will rile them up feels like a disrespectful thing to do - this is different from taking away a game or shutting it off for the child's protection. Again, I am aware that this book isn't, "How to Make Your Child Feel Respected While Setting Boundaries With Them," and I understand that the author's perspective is largely that if the child doesn't like what you do to keep them safe, then too bad. Nonetheless I think it would have been an excellent addition if feedback on how to blunt the emotional response to some of the tyrannical-feeling moves could have been given, or coaching on how to navigate the relational fallout from a child perceiving a new rule as a major transgression. I think the last chapter started to introduce some of that, so maybe I should look into some of this author's other work. But that is what stood out to me as the major point of confusion/disagreement that I experienced when reading.
The author is very witty and humorous, and comes from a place of a lot of experience, both as a psychologist who has worked with many families, and as a father of ten. It was largely an enjoyable and entertaining read while still providing keen insight into the parenting situation.
The central thesis of the book is this: as a parent, you're allowed to say no, irrespective of all the pressures put on you to say yes. The book also does an excellent job differentiating psychological harm from moral harm, the latter of which the field of psychology is often uninterested in addressing but which is of high concern to parents.
My favorite chapter was the last one, since it presented a shift in perspective and offered words of encouragement and reality for parents.
What I Liked:
I enjoyed the humor and sarcasm, though I understand not every reader might.
I appreciated how he was able to set up the negative case, explaining in detail what the reader as a parent is up against, and walking exactly through the pressures that might be on them, and why the rhetoric pressuring parents is faulty.
I appreciated the constant return to the central point: you're allowed to say no.
I liked how although it comes clearly from a Catholic perspective, it can be read by a wider audience. Certainly available to all Christians; most of the book before the last page or so should be accessible to non-Christians as well. I have a Protestant friend to whom I am going to recommend this book.
What I Disliked:
Stylistically, some of the humor, snark, and puns were a little too much. There was quite a bit of creativity when it came to naming children in anecdotal examples, some of which was charming (e.g. Mario was a kid addicted to video games) but some of it was confusing and required a double take when kids were named random nouns and it took a few moments to figure out that it's referring to a human.
The author admits to not being very tech-savvy, but most of the book revolves around technology. Granted, the relevant information is about the psychological and moral effects of technology, about which the author is an expert. Nonetheless, the way some technologies were explained was somewhat outdated, lending to a reduced feeling of credibility on the part of the reader, even if the expertise of the author wasn't actually in question.
On the issue of technology, most of the middle chapters started out with something along the lines of "Now I'm not saying technology is intrinsically bad, but" and then walks down to a conclusion that most technology should be either eliminated or at least limited as much as reasonably possible. (There were, however, many helpful recommendations for how to navigate technology in situations where getting rid of it was impossible.) I don't disagree with the sentiment, but the repetition made the middle segment of the book feel a bit like a slog.
One thing that is important in my approach to my work with kids is making sure they feel respected. Granted, this is less important than the child's safety, and the book wasn't about this, but it was a question that kept coming to mind for me. I do get the argument that sometimes keeping your child safe is going to make you look like a tyrant in their eyes, and that as a parent it's important to be okay with that. Still, in my work with children, I find that a huge factor that does stress them out, and often is cited as a reason for rebellion, is feeling disrespected. To illustrate an example of how I feel, in one part of the book, an experiment was described: turn off a video game in the middle of the child playing it. It wasn't meant as an intervention for the child, but just to demonstrate that the child's reaction indicates an unhealthy attachment to the game. Whether the game is healthy or not, it feels to me like that kind of intervention does not recognize that the child considers the game to be important, and to trespass on the activity in that way just to see if it will rile them up feels like a disrespectful thing to do - this is different from taking away a game or shutting it off for the child's protection. Again, I am aware that this book isn't, "How to Make Your Child Feel Respected While Setting Boundaries With Them," and I understand that the author's perspective is largely that if the child doesn't like what you do to keep them safe, then too bad. Nonetheless I think it would have been an excellent addition if feedback on how to blunt the emotional response to some of the tyrannical-feeling moves could have been given, or coaching on how to navigate the relational fallout from a child perceiving a new rule as a major transgression. I think the last chapter started to introduce some of that, so maybe I should look into some of this author's other work. But that is what stood out to me as the major point of confusion/disagreement that I experienced when reading.
September 15, 2020
If you're reading this book, you already know and agree with all of it.
January 28, 2021
This short book arrived the day after I discovered that my young daughters had been exposed to lesbian moms while watching Clifford the Big Red Dog on Amazon Prime. Apparently, they "modernized" the series although at first glance it looks like the old series. So, yeah.
At first it felt overwhelming, reading about all the ways the culture seeps into our Catholic home. But I'm glad I read this book. It provided a few moments of insight and things to watch out for, but mainly just encouragement and motivation to swim against the stream and be anti-cultural in a good way. I had to buy this book (a rare thing!) because the library didn't have it. But I don't mind, I could see myself re-reading it every couple years to keep the dangers fresh before me. Dr. Ray validated my fears and the need to be "abnormal" in order to raise good kids.
I'm a regular listener of Dr. Ray's radio show, so I'm familiar with his personality and jokes. I'd even heard several of the stories in the book before. Readers who are unfamiliar with him might be put off. He does have a very dry sense of 'dad' humor.
With the exception of the last chapter, there was very little religious talk. Dr. Ray assumes that the people listening to him and reading his books are already dedicated Catholics who share a common faith and parenting goal. Oftentimes, even homeschooling parents. So a lot can go unsaid. Ironically, this might make the book more palatable to readers not as strong in their faith. Surveys and anecdotal stories (vs God) are referenced to reinforce Dr. Ray's points through the book.
At first it felt overwhelming, reading about all the ways the culture seeps into our Catholic home. But I'm glad I read this book. It provided a few moments of insight and things to watch out for, but mainly just encouragement and motivation to swim against the stream and be anti-cultural in a good way. I had to buy this book (a rare thing!) because the library didn't have it. But I don't mind, I could see myself re-reading it every couple years to keep the dangers fresh before me. Dr. Ray validated my fears and the need to be "abnormal" in order to raise good kids.
I'm a regular listener of Dr. Ray's radio show, so I'm familiar with his personality and jokes. I'd even heard several of the stories in the book before. Readers who are unfamiliar with him might be put off. He does have a very dry sense of 'dad' humor.
With the exception of the last chapter, there was very little religious talk. Dr. Ray assumes that the people listening to him and reading his books are already dedicated Catholics who share a common faith and parenting goal. Oftentimes, even homeschooling parents. So a lot can go unsaid. Ironically, this might make the book more palatable to readers not as strong in their faith. Surveys and anecdotal stories (vs God) are referenced to reinforce Dr. Ray's points through the book.
April 15, 2021
A mixed bag
Pros: advice about keeping TVs out of children’s bedrooms; advice about setting limits on mobile phones; defence of the right of parents to parent their children and make decisions about their children’s upbringing and welfare; advocates an actions/consequences model of behaviour management.
However, has a very pessimistic view of contemporary culture; seems to advocate a directional style of parenting.
This work would resonate with those who have a similar outlook and model of parenting.
Pros: advice about keeping TVs out of children’s bedrooms; advice about setting limits on mobile phones; defence of the right of parents to parent their children and make decisions about their children’s upbringing and welfare; advocates an actions/consequences model of behaviour management.
However, has a very pessimistic view of contemporary culture; seems to advocate a directional style of parenting.
This work would resonate with those who have a similar outlook and model of parenting.
February 5, 2021
"Few parents feel more distressed and besieged by society's course than those whose faith in God is at the core of their family life. They face great pressure to compromise their most cherished beliefs in light of the culture's code." ---One of the innumerous quotes highlighted in my copy.---
Parenting gurus of today are part of the psychological correctness that undermine our authority and confidence as a parent.
This book is a gem and left me feeling positive and equipped.
Parenting gurus of today are part of the psychological correctness that undermine our authority and confidence as a parent.
This book is a gem and left me feeling positive and equipped.
December 14, 2023
Good, mostly obvious parenting advice, albeit very hard to implement. Main takeaways are: don't allow kids to have smartphones, restrict Internet access, don't let your kids hang out with bad influences (adults or other children, family or strangers) and if your kid grows up to be a failure or immoral person it's not entirely your fault because ultimately they have free will and not even Jesus was able to convince everyone to follow him and he's the "master psychologist".
July 12, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. If you listen to Dr. Ray or have read any of his other books, this is kind of repetitive. BUT, it's also the affirmation (and some cheerleading) that conservative parents really need these days. I should reread it every couple of years just for that aspect alone.
April 23, 2022
I wish I had found this book when the kids were younger. All the pushback from others when I didnt like what they were exposed to...This would have helped me stick to my guns. Every parent should read this book.
March 22, 2020
Excellent advice! Excellent book!
July 31, 2023
Pretty good but not a whole lot of practical advice as I'd like
June 2, 2025
Important info delivered in Dr. Ray's style of humour, although it wasn't new info, it was still good to be reminded.
June 26, 2025
This book is everything any parent in 2025 needs to read! I read it in a day and loved it.
February 25, 2021
Great book, but it you’ve been paying attention and acting in a faithful way it will come across more as a reminder than new advice.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews