Bittersweet: Confessions of a Twice-Married Man

by Philip Lee

Sometimes the life we have constructed needs to fall apart before we can begin the process of making something better. After his first marriage ended, Philip Lee found himself living with his younger brother in an old fisherman's house by the sea, trying to restore some order to the wreckage of his life. It was a dark year of rain-bucket showers, blowtorch espresso, and abandoned renovation projects. They were bachelors in every sense of the word. With wit, warmth, and sensitivity, Philip Lee writes about this dark year, the struggle to rebuild his life and family and his rediscovery of love's possibilities. Lee's journey takes him from the coastlines of Eastern Canada to the cities of China and the Greek island of Naxos. Cutting to the heart of the matter, he explores how it is that we might lift ourselves up through the great work of love.

Genres: Memoir, Autobiography

216 pages, Paperback

First published September 14, 2001

About the author

A journalist, lecturer, and bestselling writer, Philip Lee began his career as an investigative reporter on Canada’s east coast. Restigouche emerged from his long-standing interest in rivers and the people who love them. His first book, Home Pool: The Fight to Save the Atlantic Salmon, grew out of his award-winning reporting on the decline of the Atlantic salmon. Lee is also the author of Frank: The Life and Politics of Frank McKenna, a national bestseller, and Bittersweet: Confessions of a Twice-Married Man, which was long-listed for the BC National Award for Canadian Non-Fiction.

A professor at St. Thomas University in Fredericton, Lee developed the Dalton Camp lecture series, broadcast annually by CBC Radio’s Ideas and edited The Next Big Thing (a published collection from the lectures). When he is not writing and teaching, Lee spends as much time as he can following the currents of rivers.

Reviews

[Evan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bittersweet has been an enjoyable late-summer read over the past week or so for me. Lee’s first hand accounts of marriage, parenting, and divorce elucidate the struggles and wisdom he acquired throughout the 10 odd years that it takes place. This is bolstered (good word, right?) by vivid eastern Canadian back drops and a satisfyingly descriptive writing style. I can happily recall cozy scenes paired with the wisdom and poignancy of a seasoned writer. Overall, the recollection of events in the final quarter can feel a little too descriptive/matter-of-fact at time but very much glad I read this one. Shout-out to library perusing for revealing this little New Brunswick gem. Also, might as well add a quote I appreciated to show what I’m talking about here.

“We repacked in the parking lot, turned back on the road, and drive slowly through the town, passing boarded up store windows on the main drag and the majestic red-brick railway station on the hill, still advertising a lunch counter that had stopped serving meals long ago. When I pass through these forgotten places on the east-coast, I feel as if I’ve drifted into the margins of a page, that the stories told here are outside our society’s main narrative. That morning it felt just fine to be out there in the margins; another few miles and we would’ve disappeared off the page altogether.”

[Barbara Leary · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much wisdom in a little more than 200 pages, I started to re-read it as soon as I finished the first read. I appreciated how the author writes of the break-up of his first marriage and his fumbling start to a new romance while protecting the privacy of his partners. If you're looking for a lurid read, move along. Philip Lee doesn't waste time on petty grievances or tell tales out of school. He gives a starkly honest account of his own journey on the path toward being a better partner, father, and man. This is a man who obviously likes and respects women and takes to heart the admonishment of Deb, the lovely woman who becomes his life partner: "Love is a verb." If you're into memoir, don't overlook this gem.

[Wendell Hennan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having been twice married myself, this book brought back those desperate gut wrenching emotions over the possible loss of your children. He referred to the Dark Year relying on the support of his brother who was going through the same thing and a sister with divorce experience, in my case I had the support of a gay couple that I moved in with and while there were many laughs I later realized I did very little other than work and sleep, living almost in a coma. The counsel of the Saint John Catholic priest was interesting, apparently we don't necessarily see and learn the skills of a good marriage from parents, who make it look flawless and easy. Philip's relationship with his three children remained sound and I am sure continues to this day. Learning from experience and managing a second marriage is not automatic and then adding to that with the adoption of a daughter from China further complicates and Philip's life seemed to be an unending whirlwind to child care, home care, work and relationship building.

I lived in Fredericton, next door to the Anglican Church where Barry Craig was the rector and sincerely regret not reaching out to Barry when I heard of his marriage ending. I respected him highly and knew how important his children were to him. A huge thank you to Philip for this book which I am sure has helped untold divorced fathers heal and a thank you to Barry and Sara for agreeing to their story being included. No one is exempt from an unhappy marriage and we should not carry the guilt for a lifetime but we do.

[Bill Coe · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a twice married man myself, I really enjoyed Philip Lee's account. I only wish that my divorce had been as amicable as was his.
Very well written. Nice little feel good story.

[Andréanne Duplessis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not a twice married but this book really resonated in many ways. I will definitely be reading it again. 5 stars!

[Julie bear · Rating 5 out of 5]

To read this book is to live a whole lifetime. I felt so many of the emotions that Lee talks about when I haven’t been in a situation where the emotion is warranted. I felt his need for the house out of town, and the girl he couldn’t have, the rink for the kids, the perfect book and life. This book made me uncomfortable in a way that is so human. I loved and hated his choices. But subconsciously knew that I will make mistakes and good decisions too in my life. Because life is bittersweet. And there’s really nothing else to it.

[Marion Pilger · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book and I liked the way it was written as it had a really nice flow to it. A broken marriage, a broken down cabin, broken families and broken hearts for sure and then a rebuilding and new relationships emerge and there is love and life again. Our book club read this book and there were certainly varied opinions and lots of discussion which makes for a great book club evening! We left the book club meeting knowing alot more about every member than we did when the night began.
I highly recommend this book for a book club choice.

[Jeffrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life lessons learned and shared in a poignant and personal memoir that should be required reading for all men and parents. By addressing his own 'dark year', Phillip Lee addresses so many issues all men face at some point in their lives. How he emerged is not only a great story and a good read but a bit of a playbook for us all. If you don't thoroughly enjoy this book, you definitely have someone in your life / network who will.

[Arlene Richards · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautifully written book by a man with a master's degree in the classics, now working as a journalist and and associate professor of journalism at St. Thomas University in Fredericton. I have always been interested in the other side of a marriage breakup and the recovery if that happens to occur. He gives a very astute, honest and thought provoking account of the odyssy he undertook.

[Megan Graff · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the story of his daughter's adoption best.

[Denise Going · Rating 1 out of 5]

I put this one aside. Dry reading.