MM SAILING DEEP by Noah Harris
What was right about this one? Nothing—nada--- zilch--- Here’s what went wrong and we’re only talking to the end of the 3rd chapter here before I called it quits. I also decided to write my review in much the same way the story was written, chaotic, lacking proper commas, and unorganized.
--Dylan is on a mission, not sure what kind of mission just a mission- not sure where or to do what. It’s just a mission but hey, Dylan is prepared. Except for everything that happens in the story. The author will even tell you this several times. He is prepared except for such and such. There are a bunch of weres, shifter SEALS and two officers. Nope not a clue what kind of officers. There’s a werebear and a flippant out-of-left field mention about being a wolf. Their mission was one (whatever that means), if all goes according to planned. (But wait… isn’t Dylan supposed to be prepared for everything?)
--There is some mention about shifting to relieve tension the night before the full moon, to help them keep in control of themselves. (Wait! Aren’t these guys on a Mission? As in like shifter SEALS? So one would think they are in control of themselves, right? Not newbies?
--Alphas are wandering around and some omegas. I got the sense that the author isn’t entirely sure what an omega is but used it anyways hoping no one would notice.
--There is a constant mention about staying down wind. (I guess someone didn’t take a bath or something.) Then the mention of being in heat. (maybe that’s why they are downwind? They don’t really clarify on this. I had to double check this was still MM and all the shifters on the ‘Mission’ were also all male. No mention of mpreg so far. That checked out so not sure who was in heat. But just to be clear (for the author), unless you’re creating mpreg, dudes don’t go into heat. Some anatomically correct biology would have been a welcome here. There was apparent news received of a mate giving birth. We’re ‘told’ that.
--A werebear who is cranky and loud, but knows not to make too much noise even though he is stomping around and ripping up trees. (make up your mind: he is either noisy or not. Shredding trees tends to suggest a lot of noise)
--Dylan wanders away from the others but has two following with him. (Again, make up your mind: alone means alone.)
--Now mind you there is zero world building here. Outside? Warehouse? Took over the circus tent? Nothing. No mention of enemy territory, terra forming, social network, is there milk and cookies later? Again nothing is there to set a place/stage, just the banging about on a mission to steal Johnny Walker’s crayons. Or something.
--Next they’re preparing to tranquilize themselves. Not enough to dope themselves out because that wouldn’t be safe. Better to be high as a kite but still be able to run away then be passed out sloshed drunk on the ground. Except they staked their dumb asses to the ground. The whole thing just makes the SEALS more like fools and unimpressive.
--It should have been routine except someone (the werebear got ratted out in the next sentence) got the doses wrong, maybe? (can’t decide?)
-- then it jumps back to saying “All was going smoothly….” (Make up your mind… it was going according to plan then it went wrong but is started off good???)
--then it goes into ‘telling the future scene’ of their doped up full moon night in past tense. Wtf?
Stop! Stop! Stop! Don’t publish until you learn to write a coherent story that readers can follow without getting a headache. Please learn to write in a forward thought. A consistent thought that will develop a plot or something. Some trees and a roof would be nice. And bacon. Everything goes down better with bacon.
--And get an editor. One sentience had six commas when it didn’t need even one. Patient and patience are not interchangeable.
--Formatting is sloppy
WARNING for readers: first three chapter in their entirety read exactly as I displayed above. Banging around topics like bumper cars. The author can’t seem to make up their mind if they are coming or going, bouncing off walls, doing the moonwalk or passing tokes around. Through and through. I stopped after that.
For those who like to attack reviewers with the nonsense that I have to read an entire book to qualify to review you. Here is my suggestion to you, go ahead and grab that rotten apple from the bottom of the fruit stand and take a big a** bite of it and chew on that awhile. Now try and tell me you have to eat the entire rotten thing to know if it was truly suck ass bad or maybe the last bite surprised with a sweet decadence. I don’t need to waste any more time than I already have.
POST NOTE: Just to prove my point, I skipped to the end, last two lines read as…
“Blake was infuriating and cocky, but he was also kind and caring. Dylan was prepared for many things, but one thing he could never have been prepared for was getting a mate.”
Two sentence both contradictions. I rest my case. You may want to pass on this one or keep aspirin close and pillow to buffer tablet throwing.