The Parent Compass: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness and Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World

by Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick, Jenn Bowie Curtis, Denise Pope (Foreword)

Bragging rights and bumper stickers are some of the social forces fueling today’s parenting behavior—and, as a result, even well-intentioned parents are behaving badly. Many parents don’t know how best to support their teens, especially when everyone around them seems to be frantically tutoring, managing, and helicoptering. The Parent Compass provides guidance on what parents’ roles should be in supporting their teens’ mental health as they traverse the maze of the adolescent years. For anyone daunted by the unique challenge of parenting well in this pressure-laden and uncertain era, The Parent Compass offers:
Advice on fostering grit and resilience in your teen 
Strategies to help your teen approach life with purpose
Guidance on how to preserve your relationship with your teen while navigating a competitive academic environment
Clear explanations of your appropriate role in the college admission process
Effective ways to approach technology use in your home, and much more!
Using The Parent Compass to navigate the adolescent years will help you parent with confidence and intention, allowing you to forge a trusting, positive relationship with your teen. 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family

224 pages, Paperback

Published September 15, 2020

About the author

Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick, MA, is a graduate of Stanford University and has been working in education for the past 25+ years as a former Assistant Director of College Admission, high school teacher, educational consultant, and author of five other education-related books. She speaks professionally to parent, student, teacher, and business groups on topics such as study skills, the adolescent journey, college admission, and now the parent compass movement.

Reviews

[Miranda Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having no teens myself...nor having any little ones at all (unless you count my fur-baby...who...really is convinced that he's a real child at this point), I feel like I don't have a TON of experience parenting.

That being said, as an avid reader and over-preparer, I really like reading books like this.

It provides me with context and informational insights to behaviors I've noticed or that I might run into when I eventually have ankle-biters of my own.

This book provided a lot of really neat observations, scenarios and responses tailored to teenage needs - many of which I recognized from my own teen years.

I liked delving into the psychology of parenting and why the author would advice parents to approach issues in certain ways and directions.

All in all, this was a surprisingly fun book to read and definitely one I'll be holding onto!!

With thanks to Familius for sending me a free copy in exchange for an honest review

YouTube | Blog | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Snapchat @miranda_reads

[Andi Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

BUY. THIS. BOOK.

I have to admit, I wasn't sure it would apply to me. My oldest is only 16 and we already encourage hard work and following interests over a getting into a specific school. Wow, did I eat some humble pie! Far from only speaking to those who are in a competitive college mindset--although I found applications for myself in those discussions, too--Muchnick and Curtis address all kinds of parenting concerns: device time, homework strategies, import of family dinner and more. I listened to it on Audible and found myself wishing for a hard copy so I could underline sections and discuss them with my spouse (instead, I paused it and texted him.) I found myself bringing up ideas and concepts I learned in various discussions with friends and appreciated how applicable they were to so many aspects of parenting life.

One of my favorite takeaways has definitely been teaching my children to be better self-advocates. I already did this, I thought, but after listening to this book, I realized I was stepping in for my children in small ways without knowing it. When we went to parent-teacher conference, for example, I realized I usually lead the conversations with teachers. This time, I let my son do most of the talking. When discussing a difficult class with my oldest--because of this book--I recognized it was unduly stressing him out, and that it wasn't the end of the world for him to transfer out of it so he could have a better experience overall. This made us both feel better and I saw immediately the gratitude and surprise he felt when I chose to root for him over rooting for an ill-conceived idea of what he "needed." Even my youngest has benefited from my new knowledge: at five years old, I realized I jump in and help her much more than I ever did with my older children, and was taking away her opportunities to speak up for herself and take pride in minor accomplishments.

BUY. THIS. BOOK. It is worth every penny because it not only shows where you can improve, but empowers you with simple tools and bite-sized advice to help you become an even better parent than you already are.

[Christine Irvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great guidebook for parents trying to navigate the hazardous world of teenager. The books 12 chapters are filled with helpful advice and there is a list of resources at the back of the book for parents to go to for more help and advice.

[The Sub Librarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is such an important read! So much great advice is squeezed between the covers of this one. Any parent will find beneficial information in here.

I had the pleasure of reading this one during a road trip with my family. It prompted lots of discussion even though my children are still younger at 9 and 10. In the beginning of the book, there are some great "starter" questions for conversations and I will be using some of them as conversation pieces at the dinner table. One that stood out for me was "If today had a theme song, what would it be?"

There was some great pointers referring to praising outcome over effort. Also, great articles about navigating jobs, volunteering and so important today, technology.

This is a great book to have on your shelf and one that I know I will be referring to!

Thank you so much Workman Publishing for gifting me a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Jessica Speer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes the book you need to read lands in your lap at just the right moment. As the parent of a middle schooler and a high school freshman, the college application process is in our near future. My daughter is already starting to pick up on growing pressures and anxieties in her peer group. After reading this book, I feel grounded and prepared to navigate this dynamic time with more confidence and compassion. I'm grateful to have this book in my heart and on my shelf as we begin this journey.

[Amanda Rowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the parent of two teenagers I found this book to be an invaluable resource. Not only does it offer suggestions on how to have more meaningful conversations with your kids, it also teaches you how to help them navigate this critical phase of their lives without being overbearing. If you have or will have teenagers, The Parent Compass is a must read!

[Mary Kenyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read in today's world if you have children. I have eight children. I know good advice when I read it. Don't just survive your children's teen years, thrive as a parent and family. Do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of this book.

[Tracy Gold · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great guide for parents of teens to help know themselves, know their teens, and move forward in a hyper competitive world. Great focus on finding INTRINSIC and not EXTERNAL motivation and allowing your teen to speak for themselves and discover who they are.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great mix of real-life examples and practical advice on how to more effectively parent your kids during their tween and teen years.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspired by the college admissions scandal, this book is all about helping your teen navigate a complicated and competitive world. The authors draw on both their experiences as moms and their professional pasts. In this book, they give us advice, strategies, and tools on how we as parents can be supportive of our children and allow them to make mistakes without over-managing them.

This book reminds us not to be helicopter or snowplow moms. And that we may need to check ourselves as parents and remember that this is our kid's journey. So, how do we help our kids find their journey, learn to speak for themselves, and become young adults? The book addresses those complex questions as a kind of etiquette guide for parents to prevent their kids from learning the skills they need to become adults. Another key message of the book is to appreciate the child we have in front of us and guide them to be themselves. The book also gives some probing questions that my son and I had had fun discussing. Questions like: What do you wish your parents knew about you and your school? What have you always wanted to try? What are you trying to get better at? What's your biggest dream in life? You may be pleasantly surprised by the answers. I know I was!

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/cin....

[Phyllis Fagell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a terrific road map for anyone working with kids, and I say that as a parent, therapist and school counselor. I appreciate The Parent Compass's approach to raising emotionally healthy, resilient, centered kids who can navigate everything from extracurriculars to family life to college applications without losing sight of what really matters. That goes for parents and caregivers, too, who all too easily can succumb to the ambient pressure we all feel to adequately prepare our children and students to thrive. I appreciate that the authors give concrete suggestions without suggesting that there's any one "right way" to do anything. They recognize that the greater goal is to keep the lines of communication open, enhance our kids' independence and self-awareness, and recognize and focus on their strengths. (All while maintaining a sense of humor!)

[LivingBiblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parent Compass by Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis is everything you want it to be. As someone who doesn’t typically become absorbed by parenting books, this book drew me in and created a positive safe exciting yet calming space to think about the tween/teen years. It is timely and addresses all of our modern dilemmas and blessings. Mostly it helps us as parents to be mindful, to listen, to ask questions, and to be better. It feels supportive and caring, like the authors and the community are there to encourage and motivate. I will remember and use the wisdom and tips I’ve learned from this book to create more of the genuine growth we hope for during these years. This book is a valuable read for every parent!

[Frandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parent Compass came to me at just the right time. With three high school boys and three middle school girls under my roof, the pandemic has derailed life as I knew it. Cynthia Muchnick and Jenn Curtis came to my rescue with their intelligent, compassionate, no-nonsense breath of fresh air. Finally... there are two people out there calling it like it is, with loads of real-life experience backing up their beautifully written truths. From the college application process to extracurricular activities to family meals, social media, and mental health, Muchnick and Curtis "get teens" and "get life." They were just the voices I needed to inspire me to take a deep breath, realize the gift I have in my kids, and to become the best version of my parenting self. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[Kristin Buchtel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parent Compass is a BIG sigh of relief for parents of tweens and teens! The authors, who are teen experts, give parents the cheat sheet they need to get started not only with a fresh perspective, but with actionable strategies in every chapter! With so many bulleted lists of tips and ideas, I would recommend reading it with sticky notes handy so that you can mark all of the pages you will want to revisit! This book helps parents pull out of the anxious vortex that fuels the pressure to be a “perfect” parent. It’s time to gain the parenting moxie you need to mentor that teen of yours into their adult years, and maybe, just maybe actually enjoy the trip! Cheers to a fresh way to parent tweens and teens!

[Audrey Monke · Rating 5 out of 5]

How much of your parental energy is spent worrying about where your kid will go to college? Probably way too much! Experienced college counselors Cynthia Clumeck Muchnick and Jenn Curtis have coached hundreds of teens - and their parents - through the process. In this quick read, they give solid guidance about how to really help your child - and not harm them - during this stressful time. I especially like the helpful questionnaire under the heading "Don't be a helicopter, snowplow, or tiger parent" in which they ask us to reflect on questions like, "Do you complain to your teen's coach about playing time?" If you'd like to get off the crazy train of advice from people who have helped their own one or two children through the process, and would like to learn what strategies will help you and your teen come out the other end with a positive relationship and a hopeful future, pick up a copy of this guide. Highly recommend for parents who are starting to think about college BEFORE you start talking to your kid about it.

[Kim Harms · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book.

The experience and perspectives Muchnick and Curtis have from counseling students and students' parents, along with the significant amount of research they did for this book, really makes this a valuable read.

The technology chapter has great implementable advice.

I love the focus throughout the book on family time.

And I love the encouragement to see each of our kids for the individuals they are.

There were parts of the book I could not relate to. One - the overuse of tutors. Maybe it's a small town Iowa thing, but I can't think of one kid in any of my boys' friend groups who are receiving extensive tutoring. Two - I have never had the desire for my kids to get into a "top" college. It's just not important to me. So, I skimmed through those chapters.

Favorite Quotes:

"Parents, one of your primary goals in following your parent compass should be to truly see your child - the child you have, not the child you want to inauthentically create."

"Life's not fair. Holding ever so tightly to the belief that it is will only lead to a constant sense of dissatisfaction and unnecessary comparison."

[Chad Gremel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for any parent with a child who is middle school age or beyond! The advice given is well-rounded and touches on a whole host of issues that come up while raising kids: From communication skills to athletics, from goal-setting to dealing with disappointments, and from pursuing a college education to choosing entry into the workforce out of high school, Jenn Curtis and Cynthia Muchnick have delivered a powerful and informative resource for all parents to reference as they navigate raising their child in a competitive environment. Their expertise in counseling and relating to students is evident in every page. The Parent Compass is a must read!

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The Parent Compass” is this Summer’s #MustRead ‘Parenting Book Club’ pick! The authors’ Cindy and Jenn had me at “Bragging rights and bumper stickers are some of the social forces fueling today's parenting behavior, and as a result even well-intentioned parents are behaving badly.” A practical, tactical handbook that offers tough-love tips, sage advice and gentle guidance assisting parents with identifying and defining their own individual parenting style. What’s your #ParentCompass?! Pack your Beach Bag and find out 🏖💫...

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the perfect comprehensive road map to navigating those complicated teen years. Muchnick and Curtis cover everything from how to let your child fail to the healthy role you can play in their college admissions journey, even discussing alternate routes like gap years, apprenticeships, and the military. I appreciated their conversational tone and their effort to be inclusive of all readers and family types. The anecdotes, example questions, and scenarios also make it a quick and engaging read. Highly recommend.

[Betsy Jewell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must-read for parents of teenagers and younger. The authors bring so much wisdom and expertise in the areas of academics and mental health. As a recovering helicopter parent myself, I wish I would have had a resource like this years ago to help me better support my teens while helping them develop the resilience and independence they need. This is so much more than a book. It's a roadmap (or in this case a "compass") filled with actionable steps and helpful tips to guide the way.

[Cindy Burnett (Thoughts from a Page) · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parent Compass is a must read for parents of tweens and teens. Navigating parenting in today’s world is really difficult at times, and this book will provide guidance, helpful tips, questionnaires and more to make a parent’s job easier. I find myself returning to the book when parenting issues arise and finding clear and reasonable pointers to work through any problem. The book is written in a clear and straightforward manner and is organized in a way that makes answers easy to find. Highly recommend it!

[Megan Rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parenting Compass is the REAL DEAL!

This book offers a refreshing view on how to communicate with your ever changing teen. My favorite part of this book is how the Parent Compass gives you a guide on how to not only communicate with your teen but how to be a better listener. In an ever changing world, as parents, we need to be more present in our parenting journey. Thankfully the Parenting Compass gives us a helpful hand in that journey.

HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful resource! As a mom of a teen and a tween, I found this book to be both thought-provoking and easy to digest. The timely advice offered by the authors is honest and straightforward; their insights apply to much more than our kids' academic lives. They advocate for a holistic approach that sets children up to thrive in the real adult world. The Parent Compass helps parents to center themselves—and teach their children to do the same—using a values-driven approach that stands out in our results-obsessed, hyper-competitive world. I'd recommend this book to any parent I know!

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

The whole notion of having a parenting compass (let alone properly using it) was a bit of a foreign concept to me … until I read the entire book. I am SO glad I did!! The concepts Cindy & Jenn talk about, paired with real world examples and case studies, really made the book come ALIVE! If you want to reach your teenagers and make a difference in their lives as well as your relationship with them … BUY, READ, AND IMPLEMENT WHAT’S IN THIS BOOK (you’ll be glad you did)!

[Mike Navarrete · Rating 5 out of 5]

With so many demands that kids/teens experience, along with inevitable expectations they face, especially at a time where they are immersed in a digital age, this book really speaks volumes to parenting. I am so grateful for this book and all of the tips I gathered – it's so important that we acknowledge our kids for who they are and not what we want them to be. Praise the journey, not the destination. Such a powerful book – a must-read/buy!

[Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Especially now, when teens need to be supported and encouraged by their parents more than ever, The Parent Compass offers great guidance on how to engage with our teens and teaches you how to parent with confidence. An easy read that will certainly make a positive impact on you and your teens relationship. This world can be challenging for our teens as they enter adulthood, but with The Parent Compass, you can sleep better at night knowing you have the right tools in place and your teens will evolve into well-established adults ready to handle the curveballs that may be thrown their way.

[Marisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent read and good to be reminded of some things. The book requires you to do some self awareness exercises as well about your experiences as teen before delving into how to navigate the competitive world of high school (academics and extracurriculars) and university applications.

In short - itsnot about you, your child is their own person and academics is not everything. Everyone must follow their own path, just because it worked for you does not mean it's right for your child.

It's more important to teach resilience vs being the best.

The book is based on the American experience, but most of the advice is applicable anywhere.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The authors have years of experience counselling tweens and teens. Many anecdotes were used in this book and they are excellent.

Parents, let go and let your teens bloom!

1. Don’t advocate for them- let them self advocate.
2. Don’t do their homework /projects for them.
3. Don’t employ tutors unless they are scoring Cs.
4. Don’t overburden them with sports training since only a minority will reach competitive level.
5. Don’t always call on bullies; let your teen try to deal with them first.
6. Don’t provide everything for them- let them work for their goals.
7. Don’t compare. Ever.
8. Put down your phone and talk to them.
9. Let them explore their interests.
10. Be open to colleges not on the top lists. Find a good fit instead.
11. Don’t write their college admission essays or pay someone to do it.
13. Help them set goals. Limit their smart phone time.
14. Let them work through difficult stuff. By themselves.

5 stars!

[Deirdre Fitzpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are so many books for parents when their kids are young. Not so much once you get to the teen years and let's be honest, that's when we need the guidance the most. This book is for anyone who is raising high school kids and couldn't believe Aunt Becky did what she did to get her kids in college. The authors explain the phenomenon of extreme parenting and offer tips on why backing off is best when it comes to inspiring your children. It's a quick read and should be handed out at 8th grade graduations.

[Erin Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are two Marriage and Family Therapists who specialize in working with teens and their parents and we cannot recommend this book enough! In an age where parents and teens are more anxious than ever, this book offers tools, strategies, and direct feedback on how to handle daily stressors. This is SUCH an important book for parents to read and really digest how to let their children grow into autonomous, independent, and capable human beings. We have referred parents to this book time and time again and continue to pull information to use daily with our clients and their families.