UpDating! How to Get a Man or Woman Who Once Seemed Out of Your League

by Leil Lowndes

Straight-from-the-hip advice on how to find, date, and land that special person In this follow-up to her international bestseller How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You , Leil Lowndes explains why, when it comes to the quest for true romance, no one needs to settle for anything less than Mr. or Ms. Right. Whether it's someone rich and classy, drop-dead gorgeous, with a high IQ, or truly honorable that a reader finds most desirable, Leil Lowndes shows how to weed out the frogs and find your own true prince or princess. Combining Lowndes's trademark wit and sage insights into human behavior with easy-to-master strategies and techniques, UpDating! :

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Self Help, Business, Relationships, Personal Development, Leadership

288 pages, Hardcover

First published December 1, 2003

About the author

Leil Lowndes is an author and internationally recognized communications expert who specializes in subconscious interactions. She has conducted hundreds of seminars in the US and around the world for major corporations, associations, and the general public, and frequently appears as a guest expert on national television shows and major news networks. She has authored ten bestselling books on communications — most recently, How to Talk to Anyone at Work: 72 Little Tricks for Big Success Communicating on the Job — and is published in over 26 foreign languages. She lives in New York City.

Reviews

[Veronica Scully · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn't even going to put this on Goodreads because it's super short and kind of embarrassing, but I had to come here and give it 1 star because it was *comically* bad. There is literally a tip in here about women smiling more, especially to men. The author's narration is also probably the worst I've ever heard. This is a 3 hour audiobook and I couldn't get through more than half of it.

[Richard · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book should be titled "How to be an A**hole". I honestly cannot believe that I actually finished it. If it was not checked out from the library I would have burned it or returned it.

As an actual review: There are some tips in here for making people feel more comfortable or open with you, however, most are here to try to trick people into giving you what you want, and that is how they are framed by the author.

[Charlene]

How to Talk to Anyone
By Leil Lowndes was an interesting read. Prior to seeing this book appear on my feed, I would have never considered it. However, I decided to give it a try, as I minimally enjoy self-help books. However, this book was no, How to Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Yet there were some good tips that could be helpful for a Middle School or H.S. Student for college or job seeking. As some may believe the current generation is lacking basic communication skills, with the overconsumption of social media.
Each lesson is short and easy to follow. Again, Great for younger folks or older who need learn to talk to anyone and can use 62 Tips for Big Success in Relationships. 😊

[Brandon Hair · Rating 2 out of 5]

Short book with a few practical tips for becoming a more interesting and engaging conversationalist. I am sure most of the tips were great but unfortunately the outdated language, tone, and stories made this one tough to take in. To be honest, I was waiting for her to refer to women as dames or legs as gams. The overall tone made me think I was sitting in a cigar bar wearing my favorite fedora while listening to a lounge singer talk about her main squeeze between songs. This one could really use an update as it uses quite a few words with regularity that simply no longer mean what they used to mean. (I'll leave it at that.)

I listened to this one on audio which was read by the author. To be honest, the whole tone of the audio comes across as smug and condescending. She even roasts some of her own friends in order to make a point here and there. Unfortunate.

If you can get past the awkward word choice and dated anecdotes, some of the actual tips are pretty useful. Suffice it to say, control your face, take interest in people, and speak with confidence. Do these things and you'll be a winner! On the other hand, some of them read as straight up manipulation tactics. I'd try to avoid those. Good luck out there.

[Lexi]

Okay this is like manipulator's guidebook lowkey. And most of them are kinda intuitive. Like I am pretty sure I already knew it was good to compliment someone, but this nice reassurance at least, lol.

[Holly Haney · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️- in 2026 I want to be a better conversationalist!

[Forrest · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is awkwardly comical! But to me, some of the "tricks" are also very useful and inspiring. I learned a lot.

Below are a few of my favorite suggestions from the author.


-Maintain direct eye contact with women, but not so much with men. Practice by counting the number of times they blink.

-Use good posture.

-When meeting someone for the first time, turn your whole body towards them and give them your full attention. Imagine they are an old friend.

-Find something unique about a person, such as something they are wearing or something about their hair. Use that as a conversation starter in the future. Wear a "what's it" or something unique to help other recent acquaintances to start a conversation with you.

-Before confronting a stranger, gather information from someone else about that person and use that as a conversation starter.

-When someone asks you a question about yourself, never give them a one-line response. For example, when someone asks you where you are from, respond with details.  This will help lead into further conversation.

-To revive a dying conversation, repeat the last item mentioned by the other person feigning interest. This will hopefully spark the other person to continue talking.

Increase your vocabulary. Find mundane words that you use everyday such as fun or smart and replace them with intelligent sounding words. Learn new words and incorporate them into your vocabulary.

[Lindsey Hileman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m shocked this book was published less than 20 years ago. The advice is suited for 19 century cotillion training, not real life businesses or social situations. And the “slang” the author uses (in earnest)? Boner = mistake. Puss = face. It’s not like I’m a 12 year old boy but can we all agree that common usage of these words has evolved (or more accurately, devolved) and these are dated and distracting references?

[Bethany · Rating 1 out of 5]

Hilariously bad, especially the audiobook version.

[Sara Schlesinger-Whittaker · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5⭐️ Comically bad audiobook delivery, dated, and a smidge manipulative, but it was so dang short and there were a few useful tips, that I can’t dismiss the entire book just because it felt like a slightly creepy networking book for business majors.

[Keith Book Korner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very insightful book.. It’s a slow read if you want to get anything from it.. Great for people in business..

[Cynthia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to it, and some of the things on here were good reminders. Keyword: SOME

[Courtney Chase Simon · Rating 1 out of 5]

this was not at all helpful like i had hoped as someone who is terrible at small talk lol

[Annalise Minogue · Rating 2 out of 5]

some stuff was not revolutionary but it was fun to learn some new things

[Katie Graham · Rating 1 out of 5]

Quirky!!! In a really annoying way!!!!! 🤪

[Aulaire Schmitz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not care for this book. The title is misleading, being more about how to manipulate people into giving you what you want and less about how to have conversations with people you don't know very well. I'm sure someone would find a few helpful tips, but overall, this book felt like a really outdated and patronizing excuse for the author to name drop and show off how fabulous her life is.

[Anna Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is more about how to manipulate people into liking you, which, call me crazy, is weird.
There were some good tips, none which I can remember, but reading this was just so off putting. I would only recommend this to business majors because manipulation seems right up their alley ! <3

[Jackson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook bc it was recommended on instagram reels. Mostly it’s a waste of time and a list of ways to be manipulative and/or mask neurodivergent traits. There are like 2/62 tips that fall into the category of genuinely useful, kind conversational skills/lessons. And those were covered in the reel. Everything else is either the most banal common sense observations or scary Machiavellian business people shit.

[Julie Brough · Rating 1 out of 5]

There's not much more that I can say that other one-star reviews haven't. I can summarize the book for you: here's how to absolutely be anyone but yourself while manipulating everyone around you. By far the worst book I've ever read. I cringed through the whole thing. My next TBR is at an unfair advantage over others I'll read this year after reading this book. Don't waste your time.

[Madeline Taylor · Rating 1 out of 5]

My new year resolution includes reading more educational/“self help” books. I picked this one first because it was the shortest. However it was completely outdated and even tone deaf. I zoned out about 90% of the book. Not helpful at all. Looking into it, I think there’s an updated version so maybe I should’ve read that one ?

[Morgan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting ideas but i’m not sure I would recommend it. This book has some interesting tips for being a better conversationalist and maybe for interviews and it wasn’t bad but not insanely you have to read this now.

[Zach Mullenax · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars. I didn’t gain much from this book. I’d guess this was written for an audience that has very little social skills. The only thing I think I gained is some reinforcement of skills I’ve already learned through being social.

[Katharine · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was recommended in an NYT article, but I should have read the Goodreads reviews first. It is really corny at best, and weirdly manipulative at worst. Reached 77% and quit. But I'm behind in my reading goal so I'm counting it!

[Sara McMillan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve been trying to consume more non fiction via audio books so I thought this would an easy one for my husband and I to listen to. It was not good. I mean, some tips were interesting but her lingo is so outdated and I think the tips on the book are not super applicable in 2026.

[Starlightnb · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5..

[Kat Lokken · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was wildly terrible and has not aged well. Advising women to “smile more” with men was frustrating advice to hear.

[Hediyeh]

So bad. Should have checked reviews before reading.

[Bridget · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is a lot of info...i think i need more people to talk to to practice.

[Kristen Gregoire · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awful yet a short audiobook.

[_nandini24_chilllll · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can tell it's bad if I'm being compelled to read this. But tbh, some of these were actually useful.