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I Will Be Okay
The intensity of two boys' feelings for each other threatens to be overwhelmed by family tensions that rip them apart before their relationship even starts.
Mateo's father is overly obsessed with his fifteen-year-old son's baseball achievements to the exclusion of other interests (manga, indie rock music, and Stick-the boy from the "troubled" family down the street, the one with thirteen children of mixed races).
Mateo's mother comes from a sprawling Puerto Rican family that provides little privacy and complicated support as Mateo and his father clash over a baseball injury that jeopardizes his season.
Down the street, Stick is dealing with the sudden loss of his father and living up to an image he believes his father saw in himself, one that wasn't gay, which drives him to drink and do drugs beyond anything he and Mateo have experimented.
They come together and fall apart. Like a mantra, Mateo repeats the words from one of the band's songs whenever he gets hurt or afraid: I WILL BE OKAY.
Unfortunately, it doesn't always work.
Mateo's father is overly obsessed with his fifteen-year-old son's baseball achievements to the exclusion of other interests (manga, indie rock music, and Stick-the boy from the "troubled" family down the street, the one with thirteen children of mixed races).
Mateo's mother comes from a sprawling Puerto Rican family that provides little privacy and complicated support as Mateo and his father clash over a baseball injury that jeopardizes his season.
Down the street, Stick is dealing with the sudden loss of his father and living up to an image he believes his father saw in himself, one that wasn't gay, which drives him to drink and do drugs beyond anything he and Mateo have experimented.
They come together and fall apart. Like a mantra, Mateo repeats the words from one of the band's songs whenever he gets hurt or afraid: I WILL BE OKAY.
Unfortunately, it doesn't always work.
250 pages, Paperback
Published June 30, 2020
7 people are currently reading
311 people want to read
About the author
Bill Elenbark
4 books16 followersBill Elenbark wrote his first novel longhand in the empty pages of engineering class notebooks at Rutgers University. He went on to get an engineering degree but continued to write in his spare time and eventually fell in love with writing YA stories, particularly those with an indie rock theme or undercurrent. He has lived for the past seven years in Hoboken, NJ, with his partner Mike and their dog Elie.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
June 30, 2020
Originally published on The Nerd Daily | Review by Ellie King
I Will Be Okay is a unique and beautifully written YA contemporary novel focusing on the intense rollercoaster that is the broad spectrum of teenage relationships. This debut novel from Own Voices author Bill Elenbark is a refreshingly accurate representation of the male perspective of sexuality and coming out. I have read quite of few LGBTQ+ books focusing on gay male relationships, but the majority have been written by women. While they have been excellent, it has always felt slightly detached and voyeuristic. I Will Be Okay was something else. It gently pulls the reader into the lives of these teenage boys and takes you on a compassionate but rollercoaster ride that is part of working out your own identity and then coming out to your family and then the world.
Read the FULL REVIEW on The Nerd Daily
I Will Be Okay is a unique and beautifully written YA contemporary novel focusing on the intense rollercoaster that is the broad spectrum of teenage relationships. This debut novel from Own Voices author Bill Elenbark is a refreshingly accurate representation of the male perspective of sexuality and coming out. I have read quite of few LGBTQ+ books focusing on gay male relationships, but the majority have been written by women. While they have been excellent, it has always felt slightly detached and voyeuristic. I Will Be Okay was something else. It gently pulls the reader into the lives of these teenage boys and takes you on a compassionate but rollercoaster ride that is part of working out your own identity and then coming out to your family and then the world.
Read the FULL REVIEW on The Nerd Daily
June 13, 2020
Me gustó mucho, más que nada por el final. La historia se centra en Mateo, un chico de quince años con sangre estadounidense y latina, el cual, está profundamente enamorado de su mejor amigo de toda la vida: Stick. A lo largo de los capítulos se puede apreciar la amistad que hay entre ellos, el cómo los sentimientos de Stick hacía Mateo van cambiando, el cómo deben de enfrentar diversos problemas personales que existen en sus familias y descubrir su sexualidad. El comienzo del libro se me hizo lindo, por la manera diferente de cómo se encontraba narrada la historia pero comencé a tener unos problemas con diferentes cosas que pasaban en la trama y con algunos personajes. En realidad, logré simpatizar con los personajes hasta casi finalizar la historia porque en el resto del libro hacían o decían cosas que no me parecían, como el papá de Mateo (que al final me cayó un poquito bien) o que Mateo pensaba en casi todo el tiempo en Stick (a mí me llegó a fastidiar un poquito). Las cosas que si me gustaron es que si logré identificarme un poco con Mateo en la cuestión de que es súper friki, las referencias que se presentaban de la música, el cómo estaba narrada la escena del partido de béisbol y los dos capítulos finales del libro. No es un libro que se vaya a quedar grabado en mi mente o corazón pero sin duda fue entretenido y lindo de leer.
I received an e-ARC this book, so thank you very much to Edelweiss+ for providing it to me.
I received an e-ARC this book, so thank you very much to Edelweiss+ for providing it to me.
June 19, 2020
ARC recieved from the Publisher via Edelweiss
Ultimately there were things I liked and things I didn't like. But the biggest drawback for me was the author's writing style. I'm not often a fan of run on sentences and stream of consciousness. I will also say this book is messy and deals with both main characters having a lot of internalized homophobia that isn't fully addressed for being what it is. However, I don't think that inherently makes it bad.
Ultimately there were things I liked and things I didn't like. But the biggest drawback for me was the author's writing style. I'm not often a fan of run on sentences and stream of consciousness. I will also say this book is messy and deals with both main characters having a lot of internalized homophobia that isn't fully addressed for being what it is. However, I don't think that inherently makes it bad.
May 24, 2020
"I Will Be Okay" is a really beautiful YA novel. The writing style is creative and the characters are on point. I'm pretty particular about the YA novels that I read. I think I actually expect more from the genre than I do from adult fiction. I am aware because of my work at the library that young readers are really choosey about what they read. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this book to anyone.
Mateo and Stick are best friends. They are also feeling the beginnings of sexual attraction to one another from the first pages of the book. There is so much going on around these two characters, it's not surprising that they are looking for a bit of escapism. They love their music, committed to the Indie band "The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die" and they huff glue, drink... to lose themselves.
At the same time that Mateo is struggling with his own sexual orientation and whether or not he should "come out"... his father is leaning on him heavily about baseball. Mateo was a good ballplayer, then he injured his ankle. Now that he is healed, he's much less interested in playing and that is a bone of contention with his father. There is a lot of pressure in his Purto Rican family to be "the man", and playing baseball was how he used to connect with his father. There is a lot of friction between Mateo and his father when it becomes clearer that Mateo isn't interested in continuing to play ball.
Stick lives in a different world than Mateo. Stick's family is huge and his siblings are adopted. His mother left and he's always been close with his father. When tragedy strikes and his father dies, he is completely caught up in his grief. I don't want to go into great detail and ruin the plot of this story... suffice to say that Stick is dealing with a lot as he struggles with the way his friendship with Mateo begins to change.
I loved the writing style in this story. When Matt is caught up in his own head, the sentences stretch out, the thoughts and feelings jumping around. It was a lovely way to get to know Mateo as he is getting to know himself. His thoughts do jump around because it's really hard for him to deal with everything that is happening at once. As he is exploring his own sexuality and his growing feelings for his best friend he is also struggling with the tricky relationship with his father.
When Mateo and Stick are caught up in music, or a moment of substance inspired beauty, their thoughts are drawn out and it almost becomes a stream of consciousness. I love that music is so bound up in their emotions. I know that music was huge for me when I was a teenager. At times, I felt as though there was nothing that described how I was feeling other than the songs that I listened to. The author must love music because I could totally relate to the way Mateo and Stick got caught up in music... especially when they went to a live show! You have to be a music lover to really be able to catch the feeling of live gigs.
This is a wonderful YA novel that will appeal to people of all ages. It's touching, unique, and has a remarkably authentic voice. I loved it.
Mateo and Stick are best friends. They are also feeling the beginnings of sexual attraction to one another from the first pages of the book. There is so much going on around these two characters, it's not surprising that they are looking for a bit of escapism. They love their music, committed to the Indie band "The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die" and they huff glue, drink... to lose themselves.
At the same time that Mateo is struggling with his own sexual orientation and whether or not he should "come out"... his father is leaning on him heavily about baseball. Mateo was a good ballplayer, then he injured his ankle. Now that he is healed, he's much less interested in playing and that is a bone of contention with his father. There is a lot of pressure in his Purto Rican family to be "the man", and playing baseball was how he used to connect with his father. There is a lot of friction between Mateo and his father when it becomes clearer that Mateo isn't interested in continuing to play ball.
Stick lives in a different world than Mateo. Stick's family is huge and his siblings are adopted. His mother left and he's always been close with his father. When tragedy strikes and his father dies, he is completely caught up in his grief. I don't want to go into great detail and ruin the plot of this story... suffice to say that Stick is dealing with a lot as he struggles with the way his friendship with Mateo begins to change.
I loved the writing style in this story. When Matt is caught up in his own head, the sentences stretch out, the thoughts and feelings jumping around. It was a lovely way to get to know Mateo as he is getting to know himself. His thoughts do jump around because it's really hard for him to deal with everything that is happening at once. As he is exploring his own sexuality and his growing feelings for his best friend he is also struggling with the tricky relationship with his father.
When Mateo and Stick are caught up in music, or a moment of substance inspired beauty, their thoughts are drawn out and it almost becomes a stream of consciousness. I love that music is so bound up in their emotions. I know that music was huge for me when I was a teenager. At times, I felt as though there was nothing that described how I was feeling other than the songs that I listened to. The author must love music because I could totally relate to the way Mateo and Stick got caught up in music... especially when they went to a live show! You have to be a music lover to really be able to catch the feeling of live gigs.
This is a wonderful YA novel that will appeal to people of all ages. It's touching, unique, and has a remarkably authentic voice. I loved it.
November 13, 2021
Emotional book. So very emotional. But I love it. This novel had me in tears at the end. I liked it and would give it a 3.3 out of 5 stars. Not to say it wasn’t good, but it got kind of repetitive in that Stick does not want to come out yet or try anything with Mateo it seems, yet Matt keeps trying for it to work, and I know how much he loves him, but I feel like he should have been more “there,” more present for his best friend. He is a bit selfish, thinking of himself only, and I believe he would have more success to get together with Stick if he had listened to his feelings and be more supportive for him. It was a great read, though I know nothing about baseball or the rock band they’re into, but the author explained it well. What really made me happy was that the main character was happy. Every time, he’d get so excited when Stick’s coming over or when he finally texts him or something, Mateo is just so cute and happy with Stick, and Stick is so afraid of his own feelings and doesn’t seem ready for a relationship yet, that I felt so sad when Stick got so upset with doing something he wasn’t ready for, and Matt not listening to him, and that caused their relationship and friendship to end, with Mateo feeling like everything is over. No more Stick (even if it was for a while, anyway). I hope Stick continues to figure out who he is and is able to cope with his family struggles and his own true desires, because I hate to see him hurting like this and he finds comfort with the drugs and alcohol, which many teens do. Though they made up and it was a good-happy ending, I still cried because of the most sweetest, the most amazing words Stick said to Matt, that he doesn’t want him to leave him. That it scares him even more than being gay. He is not only afraid of coming out and his confusing feelings, but is afraid of losing his best friend since dating each other might not work out again and they may stop being friends. This shows how much they love each other, even as friends, they don’t want to be without one another and that to me is just so beautiful I had to cry. But yeah. It’s a really good book and sorry for rambling too much about it, and to be honest, I would recommend this book to a friend, if I had one lol. I will say, if you like gay romance, heartbreak, and coming-of-age novels, this book is for you and it is not like the other ones you’ve read. I think I will continue to remember these characters forever. Thanks to the author for creating such a wonderful book come to life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 4, 2021
I loved this. I will be okay. Everything.
July 31, 2024
Quick Things
--I could do without the constant mentions of Naruto, dear lord. We get it, you love Naruto. Do you need to make a reference to it literally every chapter? No.
-- I'm sure it's probably just a stylistic choice, but there are a lot of run-on sentences and comma splices, which I personally wasn't the biggest fan of.
--The author is also weirdly obsessed with the number 38 for some reason? Every time a number is mentioned, it's always 38.
38 Unanswered text messages
38 seconds
38 times that a character does something (hyperboly, of course)
Like... why?! That's such a weirdly specific number!
My biggest gripe...
My biggest gripe with this book is that in the last 20 pages, the dad does a COMPLETE 180 from who he was for the entire book leading up to this point. Like, for the entire book the father is established as this major hard-ass who's pushing Matteo into baseball. He belittles him, he screams at him... he's borderline verbally abusive to him, to the point where Matteo's mother at times has to intervene, which just makes his dad angrier. He even refuses to take Matteo to the hospital when he suffers an injury during one of his games that is later revealed to be a broken wrist. After which, by the way, his father basically calls him a "retard" for getting injured in the first place. He is portrayed in every way to be the angry, domineering patriarch of this family for the entire book. And then the moment that Matteo comes out to his dad, he instantly transforms into a different character: being sincere, telling Matteo it doesn't matter to him that his son is gay, and giving him a hug.
Uh... What?
I'm obviously not mad that Matteo's dad is being caring and compassionate in this moment. But in relation to his character and his actions leading up to this moment, it does not make sense at all. So, he was fine for the entire book to berate his son, call him slurs... but the moment he comes out, his dad just decides in an instant to become an ally? And then, there's no follow-up. No moment where they sit down and have a long overdo heart-to-heart. No conversation where his father says, "Hey, I know in the past that I've treated you a certain way. That was wrong and I'm sorry. I should never have behaved that way." Nope, none of that. So we're just forced to accept this reality where everything has now magically been resolved. Again, I'm not against the idea of Matteo's dad growing and evolving as a character. But... let us see that! Make it make sense! Take the time to establish his growth as a character rather than just deciding in a single page to have him completely change in every way and then not talk about it. That's not good writing!
And it's not like the author was pressed for space. This book is short, coming in at 223 pages. He absolutely could have written that conversation. He had plenty of space to create better pacing and tension with regard to Matteo's dad's response to him coming out, going through his own journey in accepting his son. Maybe he really doesn't at first. Maybe he's in denial. He resorts to his typical anger response, and Matteo's mother has to intervene and protect him again, and his dad gets angrier that she's yet again coming to her son's defense--which we've already established! That's the thing, you've already established this relationship between Matteo and his father. You've established how he is at home, how he interacts with others, how these altercations tend to go. Even Matteo's mother knows better than to tell Matteo's father that his son is gay. She wouldn't do that unless she had reason, right? Because she knows how Matteo's father would react.
But then all that buildup, all those scenes showing Matteo’s father as this terrible, angry man, the threat looming over Matteo of what would happen if his father ever found out the truth… all just for nothing to actually happen.
There was just such a glaringly missed opportunity to expand on Matteo and his father's relationship, both coming to terms with the other and on where Matteo's coming out leaves them. So to see none of this executed and have it be an incredibly short book on top of that... was just a pretty big letdown for me. This book could've been so much more. Emphasis on more.
--I could do without the constant mentions of Naruto, dear lord. We get it, you love Naruto. Do you need to make a reference to it literally every chapter? No.
-- I'm sure it's probably just a stylistic choice, but there are a lot of run-on sentences and comma splices, which I personally wasn't the biggest fan of.
--The author is also weirdly obsessed with the number 38 for some reason? Every time a number is mentioned, it's always 38.
38 Unanswered text messages
38 seconds
38 times that a character does something (hyperboly, of course)
Like... why?! That's such a weirdly specific number!
My biggest gripe...
My biggest gripe with this book is that in the last 20 pages, the dad does a COMPLETE 180 from who he was for the entire book leading up to this point. Like, for the entire book the father is established as this major hard-ass who's pushing Matteo into baseball. He belittles him, he screams at him... he's borderline verbally abusive to him, to the point where Matteo's mother at times has to intervene, which just makes his dad angrier. He even refuses to take Matteo to the hospital when he suffers an injury during one of his games that is later revealed to be a broken wrist. After which, by the way, his father basically calls him a "retard" for getting injured in the first place. He is portrayed in every way to be the angry, domineering patriarch of this family for the entire book. And then the moment that Matteo comes out to his dad, he instantly transforms into a different character: being sincere, telling Matteo it doesn't matter to him that his son is gay, and giving him a hug.
Uh... What?
I'm obviously not mad that Matteo's dad is being caring and compassionate in this moment. But in relation to his character and his actions leading up to this moment, it does not make sense at all. So, he was fine for the entire book to berate his son, call him slurs... but the moment he comes out, his dad just decides in an instant to become an ally? And then, there's no follow-up. No moment where they sit down and have a long overdo heart-to-heart. No conversation where his father says, "Hey, I know in the past that I've treated you a certain way. That was wrong and I'm sorry. I should never have behaved that way." Nope, none of that. So we're just forced to accept this reality where everything has now magically been resolved. Again, I'm not against the idea of Matteo's dad growing and evolving as a character. But... let us see that! Make it make sense! Take the time to establish his growth as a character rather than just deciding in a single page to have him completely change in every way and then not talk about it. That's not good writing!
And it's not like the author was pressed for space. This book is short, coming in at 223 pages. He absolutely could have written that conversation. He had plenty of space to create better pacing and tension with regard to Matteo's dad's response to him coming out, going through his own journey in accepting his son. Maybe he really doesn't at first. Maybe he's in denial. He resorts to his typical anger response, and Matteo's mother has to intervene and protect him again, and his dad gets angrier that she's yet again coming to her son's defense--which we've already established! That's the thing, you've already established this relationship between Matteo and his father. You've established how he is at home, how he interacts with others, how these altercations tend to go. Even Matteo's mother knows better than to tell Matteo's father that his son is gay. She wouldn't do that unless she had reason, right? Because she knows how Matteo's father would react.
But then all that buildup, all those scenes showing Matteo’s father as this terrible, angry man, the threat looming over Matteo of what would happen if his father ever found out the truth… all just for nothing to actually happen.
There was just such a glaringly missed opportunity to expand on Matteo and his father's relationship, both coming to terms with the other and on where Matteo's coming out leaves them. So to see none of this executed and have it be an incredibly short book on top of that... was just a pretty big letdown for me. This book could've been so much more. Emphasis on more.
April 1, 2020
I was able to get this book as an advanced review copy from the publisher. I thought this was a really authentic book that teen readers will enjoy reading. It can be really sweet and utterly heartbreaking at times as it explores Mateo and Stick's experiences and potential love story.
I loved that this story went beyond the friendship and possible romance between our two MCs and explored their lives as a whole. Both boys are grappling with their sexuality. Mateo struggles living up to his father's expectations concerning his future in baseball and dealing with how his parents interact with one another. While Stick is just trying to move past his grief over losing his father and being thrust into a really troublesome home experience.
I also appreciated that this story ended on a hopeful and positive note but wasn't a stereotypical happy ending.
I loved that this story went beyond the friendship and possible romance between our two MCs and explored their lives as a whole. Both boys are grappling with their sexuality. Mateo struggles living up to his father's expectations concerning his future in baseball and dealing with how his parents interact with one another. While Stick is just trying to move past his grief over losing his father and being thrust into a really troublesome home experience.
I also appreciated that this story ended on a hopeful and positive note but wasn't a stereotypical happy ending.
February 18, 2021
5/5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
-Great for fans of Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe
-Wow, this book is hugely underrated! To be honest, I had never heard of this book before and took it out as my library had a free ebook of it. What a great decision! I was apprehensive at first as the book did not have many reviews, but from the very first chapter I was hooked!
-So, SO beautifully written. I found myself almost inside the mind of Mateo, and the story equips such a unique writing style that is addictive. The dialogue also felt very natural for the characters, but the characters were well formed outside of the dialogue as well.
-I enjoyed the references to pop culture and it really brought the story to life, such as references to the band Mateo and Stick enjoyed as well as the naruto references. Very witty!
-A fast paced and short read, I never found myself bored
-Great for fans of Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe
-Wow, this book is hugely underrated! To be honest, I had never heard of this book before and took it out as my library had a free ebook of it. What a great decision! I was apprehensive at first as the book did not have many reviews, but from the very first chapter I was hooked!
-So, SO beautifully written. I found myself almost inside the mind of Mateo, and the story equips such a unique writing style that is addictive. The dialogue also felt very natural for the characters, but the characters were well formed outside of the dialogue as well.
-I enjoyed the references to pop culture and it really brought the story to life, such as references to the band Mateo and Stick enjoyed as well as the naruto references. Very witty!
-A fast paced and short read, I never found myself bored
March 23, 2020
I am not going to give this book the justice that it totally needs. This was a hit of a book that I will not soon forget. This book is all about family and moving on and it was so beautifully written. Well paced and a great story with wonderful characters.
July 7, 2020
“Stick at my side watching the fireworks erupt, one by one then in a sweltering rush with this high and these thick jolting booms crashing through every second with a flash in the distinct-splintered darkness like I’m dreaming.”
3.5 stars
This book is about Mateo and Stick, who are best friends who start to feel more for each other. But Stick’s family is complex, large, and abusive. Mateo’s father is too obsessed with making the perfect athlete. And when Stick’s father dies, both their paths spiral out of control in a hazy mix of drugs, abuse, and internalized homophobia. And holding on to each other is suddenly the hardest thing to do.
There is a lot to love about this book, but what is most prominent is the way the book is written. It’s a lot of run on and on sentences that in a stream of conscious style. It’s very dreamlike and poetic in many ways, but it’s definitely not for everyone. It can get confusing and even tiring at some points, but overall, I tend to enjoy this style. Especially since the writing isn’t over descriptive, more focusing on the story.
The story is really interesting and not something I’ve ever really read about before, I don’t think. It was written with a very specific story and specific characters. It’s a perspective on life so different from mine it’s almost jarring. It’s book like this that reminds me about how different people can be from each other despite having so much in common. The story felt so specific that it comes off as universal. Mateo and Stick are really great characters that both complement and oppose each other’s stories.
Though, Mateo wasn’t always easy to follow along with and could get a bit a frustrating at times. His story is very complicated, but also full of miscommunication with pretty much everyone. It’s always something I hate reading because it constantly frustrates me. Regardless, I still feel for him in a lot of ways. His story is really brutal, vulnerable, complicated and unique that the writing really supports. The same for Stick, who I felt even more sorry for. I really loved their dynamic the whole way through. It really added a lot to the story that they had such great chemistry from the get go. You could really feel just how much was at stake with their friendship on the line.
It’s interesting that even though there is somewhat of a romance developing between these two characters, the book doesn’t necessarily feel like a romance. I think the story wasn’t framed as a romance and puts more pressure on the two of them as individuals and friends. It’s more concerned with how their choice change their lives both together and apart, which I found really interesting, insightful, and worth reading.
I also thought centering this book kind of around the band that Mateo and Stick both love. With the title of the book drawing from a song lyric. I think it’s a nice side message about how important music can be to people. And the universality of emotions. I think this is definitely a feelings book. Just a book that you need to get into your feelings with and not think about much else. By investing into it, you feel the drama and candor of the story.
TL;DR: A really compelling read with a unique perspective and gut-wrenching story. Written with really incredible writing, Mateo and Stick have you feeling so many emotions.
E-galley and ARC provided by Edelweiss and Walrus Publishing in exchange for an honest review. All quotations and opinions are based off an uncorrected proof.
3.5 stars
This book is about Mateo and Stick, who are best friends who start to feel more for each other. But Stick’s family is complex, large, and abusive. Mateo’s father is too obsessed with making the perfect athlete. And when Stick’s father dies, both their paths spiral out of control in a hazy mix of drugs, abuse, and internalized homophobia. And holding on to each other is suddenly the hardest thing to do.
There is a lot to love about this book, but what is most prominent is the way the book is written. It’s a lot of run on and on sentences that in a stream of conscious style. It’s very dreamlike and poetic in many ways, but it’s definitely not for everyone. It can get confusing and even tiring at some points, but overall, I tend to enjoy this style. Especially since the writing isn’t over descriptive, more focusing on the story.
The story is really interesting and not something I’ve ever really read about before, I don’t think. It was written with a very specific story and specific characters. It’s a perspective on life so different from mine it’s almost jarring. It’s book like this that reminds me about how different people can be from each other despite having so much in common. The story felt so specific that it comes off as universal. Mateo and Stick are really great characters that both complement and oppose each other’s stories.
Though, Mateo wasn’t always easy to follow along with and could get a bit a frustrating at times. His story is very complicated, but also full of miscommunication with pretty much everyone. It’s always something I hate reading because it constantly frustrates me. Regardless, I still feel for him in a lot of ways. His story is really brutal, vulnerable, complicated and unique that the writing really supports. The same for Stick, who I felt even more sorry for. I really loved their dynamic the whole way through. It really added a lot to the story that they had such great chemistry from the get go. You could really feel just how much was at stake with their friendship on the line.
It’s interesting that even though there is somewhat of a romance developing between these two characters, the book doesn’t necessarily feel like a romance. I think the story wasn’t framed as a romance and puts more pressure on the two of them as individuals and friends. It’s more concerned with how their choice change their lives both together and apart, which I found really interesting, insightful, and worth reading.
I also thought centering this book kind of around the band that Mateo and Stick both love. With the title of the book drawing from a song lyric. I think it’s a nice side message about how important music can be to people. And the universality of emotions. I think this is definitely a feelings book. Just a book that you need to get into your feelings with and not think about much else. By investing into it, you feel the drama and candor of the story.
TL;DR: A really compelling read with a unique perspective and gut-wrenching story. Written with really incredible writing, Mateo and Stick have you feeling so many emotions.
E-galley and ARC provided by Edelweiss and Walrus Publishing in exchange for an honest review. All quotations and opinions are based off an uncorrected proof.
July 23, 2020
What do I say about this story? When I read the first pages I didn’t know if I would like it, the long sentences, huffing glue and fifteen year olds who drink whenever they can.
But when I read more and more I understood that the long sentences were because Matt’s head was constantly full of thoughts. His love for Stick, not wanting to come out at this point but wanting to touch and kiss Stick so badly, his self-consciousness. A fifteen year old who sometimes wants to forget but also thinks clearly when necessary.
And Stick who’s family situation gets bad after his father dies. Who’s in pain, struggles at home and at the same time doesn’t want to acknowledge his sexuality, maybe doesn’t have the strength to acknowledge that he likes boys. Because his other problems are even bigger.
And those boys with their struggles make this story more than okay.
But when I read more and more I understood that the long sentences were because Matt’s head was constantly full of thoughts. His love for Stick, not wanting to come out at this point but wanting to touch and kiss Stick so badly, his self-consciousness. A fifteen year old who sometimes wants to forget but also thinks clearly when necessary.
And Stick who’s family situation gets bad after his father dies. Who’s in pain, struggles at home and at the same time doesn’t want to acknowledge his sexuality, maybe doesn’t have the strength to acknowledge that he likes boys. Because his other problems are even bigger.
And those boys with their struggles make this story more than okay.
April 13, 2020
Thank You to Edelweiss & Amphorae Publishing for sending me this book in return for an honest review.
You can also find it on Instagram @OhYouRead !
This is exactly the book I needed right now. The story had many highs and lows, leaving my emotions feeling like they were riding a rollercoaster the entire time I was reading. The characters are well written and thought provoking. They go through some very intense things: a broken home filled with drugs and alcohol, a parent who may be homophobic, loss, and coming out. And all of this the summer before their Sophomore year in High School. This coming of age story is heartwarming, heartbreaking and will not soon be forgotten.
You can also find it on Instagram @OhYouRead !
This is exactly the book I needed right now. The story had many highs and lows, leaving my emotions feeling like they were riding a rollercoaster the entire time I was reading. The characters are well written and thought provoking. They go through some very intense things: a broken home filled with drugs and alcohol, a parent who may be homophobic, loss, and coming out. And all of this the summer before their Sophomore year in High School. This coming of age story is heartwarming, heartbreaking and will not soon be forgotten.
September 14, 2020
This one actually felt real, and it painted images in my head that I loved (fireworks on a black sky while two people lying on the grass). I liked it.
June 25, 2020
First Impressions
I could tell from the beginning that this book was really interestingly written. I felt a little like a stream of consciousness and while I don’t normally enjoy that style, I think it fit the tone of the first chapter really well. Even though their interactions were brief early on, the tension between Stick and Mateo was almost palpable and after their encounter in chapter one, I wanted to know where things would go from here. Also, who doesn’t like a good, strong, Naruto reference in any book? +10 points to Bill Elenbark and whatever house he’s in!
Thoughts While Reading
I enjoyed the writing in this book a lot. I felt very realistic and I liked how many of Mateo’s emotions were captured just in the story telling. Also, I know I already mentioned this but I loved how many Naruto references were in this book. I actually watched the show for the first time as an adult and it was great having a common interest with Mateo.
The chemistry between the two main characters was great, but awkward at times. But that’s to be expected, considering that these two boys were best friends and decided to take the chance to be something more. Their encounters were natural and some of the situations they found themselves in felt really real. On more than one occasion I found myself immersed in the story, feeling all of Mateo’s emotions with him, as if they were my own. At times, this book was heartbreaking.
I was really happy with the awkward moments (and the happy ones) just because I felt like they were things that could actually happen. I was a big fan of all of the supporting characters in this book and I loved that it was written in first person because we got to experience their interactions with Mateo first hand.
There were some surprises at the end of this book, good ones, and I absolutely loved the ending. I know I keep saying this but everything felt so real. I was really excited by the end and I loved the resolution and I found myself wanting more of Mateo and Stick.
Final Thoughts
Overall, I thought this was a solid debut novel. It was emotional and realistic and entertaining. As much as I enjoyed this book, I couldn’t give it 5 Tree Stars. I felt like the beginning, not my first impression but the lull right after, made it a little hard to stay engaged and while it didn’t stop me from loving the book, it did stop me from giving it a perfect 5. Nonetheless, the emotions were so real that I felt heartbroken at times but in that good way where you’re happy to feel it because the emotional payout was so much better because of it.
I’d recommend this book to anyone who wants to be reminded that sometimes love, especially first love, isn’t easy but when you put in the work, you can make it something beautiful.
I could tell from the beginning that this book was really interestingly written. I felt a little like a stream of consciousness and while I don’t normally enjoy that style, I think it fit the tone of the first chapter really well. Even though their interactions were brief early on, the tension between Stick and Mateo was almost palpable and after their encounter in chapter one, I wanted to know where things would go from here. Also, who doesn’t like a good, strong, Naruto reference in any book? +10 points to Bill Elenbark and whatever house he’s in!
Thoughts While Reading
I enjoyed the writing in this book a lot. I felt very realistic and I liked how many of Mateo’s emotions were captured just in the story telling. Also, I know I already mentioned this but I loved how many Naruto references were in this book. I actually watched the show for the first time as an adult and it was great having a common interest with Mateo.
The chemistry between the two main characters was great, but awkward at times. But that’s to be expected, considering that these two boys were best friends and decided to take the chance to be something more. Their encounters were natural and some of the situations they found themselves in felt really real. On more than one occasion I found myself immersed in the story, feeling all of Mateo’s emotions with him, as if they were my own. At times, this book was heartbreaking.
I was really happy with the awkward moments (and the happy ones) just because I felt like they were things that could actually happen. I was a big fan of all of the supporting characters in this book and I loved that it was written in first person because we got to experience their interactions with Mateo first hand.
There were some surprises at the end of this book, good ones, and I absolutely loved the ending. I know I keep saying this but everything felt so real. I was really excited by the end and I loved the resolution and I found myself wanting more of Mateo and Stick.
Final Thoughts
Overall, I thought this was a solid debut novel. It was emotional and realistic and entertaining. As much as I enjoyed this book, I couldn’t give it 5 Tree Stars. I felt like the beginning, not my first impression but the lull right after, made it a little hard to stay engaged and while it didn’t stop me from loving the book, it did stop me from giving it a perfect 5. Nonetheless, the emotions were so real that I felt heartbroken at times but in that good way where you’re happy to feel it because the emotional payout was so much better because of it.
I’d recommend this book to anyone who wants to be reminded that sometimes love, especially first love, isn’t easy but when you put in the work, you can make it something beautiful.
June 18, 2020
I Will Be Okay is a YA fiction book, LGBT+ themed that follows the story of Matt, a Puerto Rican teenager who is in love with his best friend, Stick. However, not everything is going to be as easy as in the movies. They are minor spoilers in the review.
"You know I can't hate you." I love you.
― Bill Elenbark, I Will Be Okay.
At first, the writing was a bit confusing. The sentences were too long and with too much information in them. But after reading a couple of characters, I started to like that style! It gives a lot of information and portrays the character feeling so well that I cried a couple of times (believe it or no, that's a positive aspect!) Also, the pacing is great. It is not too fast or too slow, making hard to putting that book down. Although I sometimes felt that the writing was too long or a bit confusing to read.
For the characters, I have to say that I loved each of them. I would have liked it if there was more development in Cara, but this is just personal because I loved her personality. An unexpected character I ended liking was Matt's mom. I thought that she would tell his dad what she saw, but she didn't, and instead, she gave Matt time yo clear up his mind and space. I loved that. Matt's father really surprised me in the end. I didn't expect his reaction and how he started to change. Although I'm still a little bit mad that he didn't apologize for all the offensive comments he made before.
"You know I can't hate you." I love you.
― Bill Elenbark, I Will Be Okay.
At first, the writing was a bit confusing. The sentences were too long and with too much information in them. But after reading a couple of characters, I started to like that style! It gives a lot of information and portrays the character feeling so well that I cried a couple of times (believe it or no, that's a positive aspect!) Also, the pacing is great. It is not too fast or too slow, making hard to putting that book down. Although I sometimes felt that the writing was too long or a bit confusing to read.
For the characters, I have to say that I loved each of them. I would have liked it if there was more development in Cara, but this is just personal because I loved her personality. An unexpected character I ended liking was Matt's mom. I thought that she would tell his dad what she saw, but she didn't, and instead, she gave Matt time yo clear up his mind and space. I loved that. Matt's father really surprised me in the end. I didn't expect his reaction and how he started to change. Although I'm still a little bit mad that he didn't apologize for all the offensive comments he made before.
May 16, 2020
ARC provided by the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
Pleasantly surprised by this read! In the beginning, I was a bit worried because the writing was weird and consisted of many run-on sentences with not a lot of commas, but I got used to this writing reflecting Matt, the main character's, though process and I got over the weird writing pretty easily.
The story follows two teenage boys, Matt and Stick, as they navigate their sexuality and relationship over the course of a summer. Matt doesn't have a great relationship with his father, who is obsessed with Matt playing baseball, and Stick has just lost his father to a heart attack and is grieving the loss.
Honestly, the book didn't bring a lot of new content to the plethora of coming-out stories there are now. Of course, every new queer romance is revolutionary, but I really didn't find anything new about this situation, and I did feel like the ending was wrapped up much too fast, and I hated how the subplots were barely there. But I still rated it 4/5 stars because I still really enjoyed it and I loved the two characters, especially Matt. Also it gave me major We Are Totally Normal by Rahul Kanakia vibes.
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Pleasantly surprised by this read! In the beginning, I was a bit worried because the writing was weird and consisted of many run-on sentences with not a lot of commas, but I got used to this writing reflecting Matt, the main character's, though process and I got over the weird writing pretty easily.
The story follows two teenage boys, Matt and Stick, as they navigate their sexuality and relationship over the course of a summer. Matt doesn't have a great relationship with his father, who is obsessed with Matt playing baseball, and Stick has just lost his father to a heart attack and is grieving the loss.
Honestly, the book didn't bring a lot of new content to the plethora of coming-out stories there are now. Of course, every new queer romance is revolutionary, but I really didn't find anything new about this situation, and I did feel like the ending was wrapped up much too fast, and I hated how the subplots were barely there. But I still rated it 4/5 stars because I still really enjoyed it and I loved the two characters, especially Matt. Also it gave me major We Are Totally Normal by Rahul Kanakia vibes.
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April 10, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
This is the story of two fifteen year old boys, Mateo and Stick, who are battling with accepting their sexuality and romance between the themselves, while also dealing with their family dynamics.
My favorite part of this book was that the boys were both dealing with a slew of problems aside from just their sexuality. Family problems, in fact, that are all-too common today.
This book is a constant rise and fall of emotions; a constant back-and-forth, particularly because the boys are struggling with accepting themselves. So just be prepared to feel happy one second and then, suddenly, frustrated and sad.
**SPOILER BELOW THIS LINE**
The only thing I didn't like is how quickly Mateo's dad accepted him after EVERYTHING we saw in the book. Although I'm happy he supports Mateo, of course, I just didn't think it fit with his entire characterization. But, the conflict with the father drove a lot of the story so that's why I think that it needed to develop better.
This is the story of two fifteen year old boys, Mateo and Stick, who are battling with accepting their sexuality and romance between the themselves, while also dealing with their family dynamics.
My favorite part of this book was that the boys were both dealing with a slew of problems aside from just their sexuality. Family problems, in fact, that are all-too common today.
This book is a constant rise and fall of emotions; a constant back-and-forth, particularly because the boys are struggling with accepting themselves. So just be prepared to feel happy one second and then, suddenly, frustrated and sad.
**SPOILER BELOW THIS LINE**
The only thing I didn't like is how quickly Mateo's dad accepted him after EVERYTHING we saw in the book. Although I'm happy he supports Mateo, of course, I just didn't think it fit with his entire characterization. But, the conflict with the father drove a lot of the story so that's why I think that it needed to develop better.
May 12, 2020
First of all, I love that Matt and Stick were obsessed with the band The World Is a Beautiful place. They're a band I used to listen to a few years ago in high school and it was so cool for them to be something that the characters bonded over.
Matt and Stick are fifteen and best friends. They share a kiss and everything sort of goes down hill for them after that. Stick's dad dies from a heart attack and his estranged mom makes a come back, which he isn't happy about. Matt was supposed to go to baseball camp, which he wasn't looking forward to because he would rather spend all summer hanging out with Sticky, but then breaks his wrist, much to the displeasure of his father. While Matt and his dad are always fighting, his mom is a lot more understanding. I loved her and their entire family. The story follows Matt as he struggles with his sexuality and feelings for his best friend, who is also dealing with a lot right now. This book was a little angst-y at times as it dealt with serious topics, but has a hopeful ending. Once I started it, I could not put it down.
Matt and Stick are fifteen and best friends. They share a kiss and everything sort of goes down hill for them after that. Stick's dad dies from a heart attack and his estranged mom makes a come back, which he isn't happy about. Matt was supposed to go to baseball camp, which he wasn't looking forward to because he would rather spend all summer hanging out with Sticky, but then breaks his wrist, much to the displeasure of his father. While Matt and his dad are always fighting, his mom is a lot more understanding. I loved her and their entire family. The story follows Matt as he struggles with his sexuality and feelings for his best friend, who is also dealing with a lot right now. This book was a little angst-y at times as it dealt with serious topics, but has a hopeful ending. Once I started it, I could not put it down.
June 27, 2020
I was provided a DRC for reviewing. Thank you, Walrus Publishing, for your kindness!
I was always a fan of long sentences so seeing them in a YA novel was a plus, and I felt they truly captured the mix of emotions that Mateo was trying to process all at once and that is typical of adolescence. However, this fast-paced narrative isn't that light, since it focuses on troubled family dynamics and the fear of letting others down, unstable friendships, unrequited feelings, and sexual repression and internalized homophobia.
It's a bittersweat read that made me feel a bit frustrated due to the themes it addresses, and although I enjoyed it, I found the overall character development of a couple characters a bit sudden and unrealistic given what happened previously happened during the summer. I reccomend it to those who are looking for what (unfortunatly) is a more realistic approach on how a big portion of LGBT youth experiences their first same-sex attraction and the fears that come along with it.
I was always a fan of long sentences so seeing them in a YA novel was a plus, and I felt they truly captured the mix of emotions that Mateo was trying to process all at once and that is typical of adolescence. However, this fast-paced narrative isn't that light, since it focuses on troubled family dynamics and the fear of letting others down, unstable friendships, unrequited feelings, and sexual repression and internalized homophobia.
It's a bittersweat read that made me feel a bit frustrated due to the themes it addresses, and although I enjoyed it, I found the overall character development of a couple characters a bit sudden and unrealistic given what happened previously happened during the summer. I reccomend it to those who are looking for what (unfortunatly) is a more realistic approach on how a big portion of LGBT youth experiences their first same-sex attraction and the fears that come along with it.
July 24, 2023
I really liked it in the very beginning, the only things I didn't really like were drugs, kind of a lot of them and how often the MCs had arguments. About the arguments though, they were an important part of the book and overall I recommend the book, btw it's very emotional so be ready. About drugs: including the fact that the MCs are not even seniors(I read this awhile ago so i don't remember whether they were sophomores or juniors) and they are already abusing drugs like that is just sad, but since I'm not from USA it just doesn't seem realistic to me, but if that's the way it is in USA then that's just sad. Anyway you should read if you like intense and emotional stuff!!
November 16, 2024
this book was pretty good. such a rollercoaster. i think it would have been better if elenbark had better developed stick as a person, and had explained his familial and social relationships. it was confusing towards the end where he kept saying he wasnt gay but then kept, for lack of better words, being gay. ?? i enjoyed this read, though, even if it was just a bit confusing at times.
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June 28, 2020dnf - 39%
i can bear some references about naruto but damn it’s tiring when you have one every chapter.
also, the writing style kept me from getting into the book. like, why are the sentences this long?
+ how many times the author will put the book’s title in the narration challenge
i can bear some references about naruto but damn it’s tiring when you have one every chapter.
also, the writing style kept me from getting into the book. like, why are the sentences this long?
+ how many times the author will put the book’s title in the narration challenge
November 21, 2020
The angst of coming out, self doubts and denial and unexpected acceptance all make appearance in this short novel that takes a little time starting but then hits full throttle for a thought provoking read
July 8, 2021
Um that went from silly and relatable to shattering my heart in approximately 0.5 seconds.
Howeverr, I do feel one very specific aspect of the story was way too quickly and unnaturally resolved. Though that really couldn't take away from how fantastic a book this is for me.
Howeverr, I do feel one very specific aspect of the story was way too quickly and unnaturally resolved. Though that really couldn't take away from how fantastic a book this is for me.
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October 10, 2020Queer content: m/m
Takes place in NJ. What's up with the number 38 repeated throughout the book though?
Takes place in NJ. What's up with the number 38 repeated throughout the book though?
November 2, 2020
A realistic story of teens struggling with coming of age/coming out. I enjoyed the fact that the friendship between the main characters was so important and kept the story moving.
January 14, 2021
3,5 stars
December 20, 2021
Oh, wow, that made me far more emotional that I would have imagined.
June 16, 2022
This book felt a bit all over the place but the ending was really cute.
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