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272 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2005
Owen gave her some wine. We don't know much, do we? About one another, I mean.
We don't ask, said Lou. I would always tell you if you asked. But saying that
she thought, I'm an entrance into nothingness so put your questions softly or
the earth will open up. But you, she said, I always supposed you must be very
deep and now you tell me there's a grown-up daughter in you, so I was right.
Owen shrugged. Except she's not, he said. Her absence is. I like you in that
dress.
In the way that human beings are bound to, Lou was thinking, What is this like? And ideas
came to mind, rough gestures towards the thing itself: like a heart and a pulse,
though not of any beast she knew; like an engine, the thrumming of a steady - but varied -
working; like an oven, a furnace, if you could think of its cold as heat. But it was
easier to compare this thing whose utterance was close and that was really of the earth,
to phenomena she would never be anywhere near and was at liberty merely to imagine. The background noise of space, for example, the aural context of all the galactic debris
still dispersing. So Lou spun ideas, as any human would, to try to say what the sound of the
cave was like; but in the midst of her ideas, despite their interference, she knew
with a thrill of horror, that what she was listening to, though nameless, was familiar. So
reading a poem, often what dawns on you is a thing you knew already but had forgotten or didn't know well enough and now the lines with a vengeance will remind you and make you know it this time close and true.
I was going to say, said Owen, that we can walk across to the gritstone from here, if you like, all the way back to my house, if you would like. I looked at the map while you were seeing to yourself. That is exactly what I would like, she said. And will it be warm? I'd say so, he said. In an hour or so. Good, said Lou. I want some sun. I know I look funny at the moment, bundled up. But things will improve as we go along, you'll see.
He heard this as recrimination. She had left the particular argument and moved aside to his more general capacity for disappointing her. He, however, clung to the argument, but she knew, even if he didn't know or wouldn't admit it, that all he wanted was something which the antagonisms that swarmed in him could batten on for a while.