How to Die: A Book About Being Alive

by Ray Robertson

“He who would teach men to die would teach them to live,” writes Montaigne in Essais, and in How to Die: A Book on Being Alive, Ray Robertson takes up the challenge. Though contemporary society avoids the subject and often values the mere continuation of existence over its quality, Robertson argues that the active and intentional consideration of death is neither morbid nor frivolous, but instead essential to our ability to fully value life. How to Die is both an absorbing excursion through some of Western literature’s most compelling works on the subject of death as well as an anecdote-driven argument for cultivating a better understanding of death in the belief that, if we do, we’ll know more about what it means to live a meaningful life.

Genres: Philosophy, Nonfiction, Audiobook

182 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2020

About the author

Ray Robertson is the author of six novels including Moody Food and What Happened Later, a finalist for the Trillium Book Award. He has also published a collection of nonfiction, Mental Hygiene: Essays on Writers and Writing. He is a contributing book reviewer for The Globe and Mail.

Robertson lives in Toronto.

Reviews

[Belknits · Rating 3 out of 5]

A lot of yap, and a lot of quoting other people’s yap. And I am still no closer to knowing how to die.
🤪😤😭😬😂

[Enid Wray]

With apologies… but I did not finish this book, so I won’t give it a score. My inability to read this is probably more a reflection of where my head is at at this moment in time than anything particular to do with this title.

It is just far too cerebral and academic for my interests right now… just not grabbing me and making we want to read it. It’s just not lively enough (really bad pun intended). Perhaps I’m spending too much time reading about life and death and the dying process and hospice work and all that in general, in part because and in addition to building a library - from the ground up - for our local hospice… (donations gratefully accepted…)

I will admit to having read, just yesterday, Liz Levine’s Nobody Ever Talks About Anything But the End… a deeply personal and funny account which considers essentially identical territory. I will also admit that I sped through that title… not wanting to put it down.

I will still be adding this title to the Hospice library though… which will give me a chance to come back and revisit this in a few months time.

[Felix Amyot · Rating 1 out of 5]

Decided not to finish this book. I didn’t like the way it was written and it was way too formal to follow along. Only lesson I learned was that those close to death prefer to focus on life which I liked

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

They say not to judge a book by its cover, but...how could I not? The design of this one is perfectly aligned with my aesthetic. Left-centered type, a beautiful crow drawing, lots of white space, an unexpected pop of bright color, and of course, the title itself: How to Die: A Book About Being Alive.

I've been terrified/fascinated by death since I was a middle schooler. In the last few years I've been getting more and more into thanatology (the study of death and dying), so when I saw this book at my favorite local indie bookstore (Old Firehouse! If you're ever in Fort Collins, go there!) I was drawn to it immediately.

Robertson may be a bit rambling for some, a bit too cynical for others, but I really enjoyed this book. It was a thoughtful exploration of various attitudes about death, both Robertson's own and those of various other philosophers, thinkers, and writers.

At the end of the day, perhaps there's no huge revelation here - I would state Robertson's overall message as "Death/oblivion is frightening, but how incredible that we are, any of us, alive at all, so let's enjoy life while we have it." But considering how taboo talking about death is in Western culture, just writing a book about how to think about death is revelatory enough.

One of my favorite quotes from the book: "And if we can better educate ourselves about what death is, we'll certainly know more of what life consists. Pondering death isn't morbid or frivolous. Not unless we believe that asking what makes for a fully realized life is as well. To become better acquainted with death is to better comprehend life."

[Christopher · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked this up at the library thinking that it might be interesting. Who doesn't like to fall into a philosophical rabbit hole once in a while? When I arrived home I noticed that it appeared like no one had read through the entirety of the book as, except for the 1st quarter of the book, it looked as it had not been opened. Once I started to read, I understood why.

The author rambles on and on and uses other people's works as a crutch. Seriously, I have never encountered a book with so many quotes other than a book specifically about quotes. Instead of using the quotes as a jumping off point for further considerations, they will often be followed up with something like "Indeed" or used as the ending point of one of his thoughts without any further consideration.

As for those thoughts, the author seems more interested in telling us that he is an author or has a book collection that he doesn't read or collects records or discovered the Allman Brother's Band than discussing the topic that the book is supposedly about.

I would suggest that you are better off to read Seneca or Shakespeare or any of the many writers that the author quotes than this book about death and life.

[Marina Akamatsu · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a person who hasn't taken the time to dive into much philosophy of the past, this was a good summation of many differing thoughts. It was going to be more of a 3 star review until I came across a bit about cancer nearing the end. It struck me as odd as the author meticulously took care to cite philosophers and influencers of modern thought. However, when it came to scientific facts, he took it upon himself to present matters of opinions as if they were fact without any data or content from a professional in the field. He claimed that cancer (and other diseases like it) serve a "biological purpose," and that if we didn't have them in our population, our elderly could live a few extra years (he literally proposes five years an example) and our society would crumble under the burden of having to provide medical care. WOAH. So, that quite literally a significant pillar in theories of eugenics. Additionally, if our population and resources were actually that delicate, we would have MUCH larger issues to sweat over. Additionally
(again,) not just old people get cancer and other debilitating diseases.
Diseases do not serve "biological purpose," that is just incorrect. It's the same kind of logic that assumes there is a goal point to evolution -- no. Things just exist and compete to exist. It reminds me of when people say "oh, COVID-19 is so smart by creating new strains." No, there is no "viral intelligence," it's just natural selection and process of rapid mutations, like everything else. There is no greater intent in those functions of life, and I found it remarkably ironic that in a book about being alive, such a faulty and frankly ableist claim was made right before the finish line.
Obviously, I got heated about that. But I did find previous parts of the book valuable. I did find it interesting that the vast majority of cited philosophers were European men (hello, Chinese philosophy?) but I can somewhat understand in terms of the gender skew as women weren't allowed to write or record much in the past.
Overall: A few interesting ideas to chew on, padded with some fluff and punctuated by questionable eugenics-based logic.

[Dave Barie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ray treats this seemingly unpleasant topic with a conversational approach. What I liked most was the absence of some kind of prescription for how one ought to live. I’ve lived enough life to know that thinking on this topic daily can enhance how we choose to live. I found a sense of kinship with the author because, like him, I’ve thought about death since I was 7. Until recently, this fact often left me feeling a bit abnormal. We need more books like this that discuss death with an honest, exploratory intent. “How To Die” is a book meant for those who wish to look at death with the same unflinching, abiding awareness that so many great thinkers and writers have done for millennia.

The addition of a bibliography is especially useful.

[Juliette · Rating 3 out of 5]

not sure how i feel about this. part philosophical approach to death, part memoir; it does neither part well. the philosophy is repeating what has already been said and thought and said and thought better with a lot of quotes and small summary from direct quotes that say very little new things. the memoir part falls short. interesting in theory but not particularly well done. i can tell he is a good writer—his novel excerpts and small pieces of auto-fiction are great—but the rest of it is not anything special.

[Preston · Rating 2 out of 5]

Book presents the writer’s well read knowledge mixed with his personal wanderings (or is it ramblings). Choice of words makes the reader either give up or take on the challenge of increasing their vocabulary.

Some nuggets provided to assist in your pondering but not a book I could pass on or recommend.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the last 2 parts were enjoyable, I'm not sure that makes up for how unpalatable the first 2 parts were. The ruminations on death were mostly negative, and though I enjoyed the bits on 'being alive' they made up a small portion of the book.

[Janeschmidt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this up on a whim when my father-in-law brought it home. Aside from some thoughts on legacy and parenting, there was nothing much of interest for me.

[Bob Lingle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read on the topic, that offered me any sense of calm on the subject of my eventual demise.

[Wolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s good but I find it jumps and talks about unrelated information.

[JW · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoughtful.

[Bo K · Rating 2 out of 5]

no pearls of wisdom here; can't remember a single thing from the book that wasn't a quote or reference to some other piece of work