Living is Dying: How to Prepare for Dying, Death and Beyond

by Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse

No matter who we are – pop star, nurse, teacher, real estate magnate, gardener, atheist, CEO, secretary, road sweeper, agnostic, film critic, Buddhist, home maker – each and every one of us will die. We have no choice, no alternative option, no wiggle room. Death is inevitable. So why do so few of us even think about death, let alone make any effort to prepare ourselves for it?

In his new book, 'Living is Dying', Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche offers a broad spectrum of advice about how to prepare for dying, death and beyond no matter who you are. Inspired by nearly one hundred questions that were put to him by friends and students, Rinpoche describes how to:
prepare for our own death
help, comfort and guide a dying friend or loved one
approach the moment of death
navigate the bardos (intermediate states)
guide the dead
help loved ones who have died

“These teachings about death and the bardos have been passed down through a long lineage of brilliant Buddhist thinkers, each of whom went to great lengths in order to examine the process in minute detail and from every angle. Their advice may well be especially useful for Buddhists, or those attracted to the Buddha’s teachings. Even those of you who know nothing about the teachings of the Buddha but who are open-minded, curious, and perhaps contemplating your own death or that of a loved one, may well find something in these pages that will be of help.”
- Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche

Genres: Buddhism, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Religion, Death, Philosophy

242 pages, ebook

Published January 1, 2018

About the author

Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche was born in Bhutan in 1961 and was recognised as the incarnation of Jamyang Khyentse Chokyi Lodro (1894-1959). From early childhood, he has studied with some of the greatest contemporary masters, particularly his father, H.H. Thinley Norbu Rinpoche and H.H. Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.

From a young age he has been active in preserving the Buddhist teachings, establishing centres of learning and practice, supporting practitioners, publishing books, and teaching all over the world. Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche supervises his traditional seat of Dzongsar Monastery and its retreat centres in Eastern Tibet, as well as his new colleges in India and Bhutan. He has also has established centres in Australia, North America, and the Far East. These are gathered under Siddhartha's Intent.

In addition to Siddhartha's Intent, in 2001, the Khyentse Foundation was founded by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche. It is a non-profit organization with the stated goal "to act as a system of patronage for institutions and individuals engaged in the practice and study of Buddha's wisdom and compassion."

His two major films are The Cup (1999) and Travellers and Magicians (2003).

Reviews

[George Ilsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Straightforward yet complex, this book begins with the startling assumption that we are all going to die, and then gives some advice and practices to help make it all —living and dying— go a little easier. "Living is Dying" is not only the title, it is the theme of the whole book. Or perhaps the theme of life itself. So how we live is how we die, and all of life is preparation for our transition into the next phase, whatever it may be.

So many of us do not want to acknowledge the reality of death, yet none of us will avoid it.

This book is free to download through Siddharta's Intent. May it be of benefit. May you be free of suffering and the causes of suffering.

Added link in comments

[Betty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book. This is the only book. I should just read it over and over, again and again.

[Na Le · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had a dream about preparing for my death, out of the blue. I was not reading or watching any content about that topic. I was not stressed either.

The dream was so vivid that when I woke up, I remember clearly how fearful I was approaching my death date and how clingy I was to life. It was strange because when I am fully alert like this, I don’t feel and think that way.

Then this book was popped up in the recommended list so I jumped into it like a drowning person catching a lifebuoy. Just to figure out, what is death actually and how to prepare for that.
The first chapter is mesmerizing. I was so engaged into it. I think it has wrapped up basically the whole principles and point of view of the author around death; which I cannot agree more. I love the idea that there is no reality at all. We are “living” in a bubble that is created by the reflection of our consciousness. So if there is simply nothing there, there is no hook for you to be clingy to the so-called life or death. You cannot get hold of the zero. However, some parts of the books (actually a great length of the book) demonstrate the procedures to prepare for death and contemplate death is quite process-driven and a bit religious to me that I wonder.. what I am actually reading.

I still think it is a nice book in the sense that this is my first serious encounter to the matter and I hope that I have time to kick off process for my death in peace and calmness from now on.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

A Buddhist teacher discusses how to prepare for death in the Buddhist tradition. Though not a practicing Tibetan Buddhist, I picked this book up because I am interested in ideas of dying and the afterlife of varied cultural traditions. The author, who is not a particularly good writer, cops to to writing the book on his phone, assumes a good deal of Buddhist knowledge, and is contradictory in places (die in the presence of someone who can introduce you to Buddha Nature / die solitarily), and seems ill-equipped to explain essential concepts at times. One example is in this illustration of "the ground of liberation" via this metaphor:

It's a bit like this: Imagine you are sitting on a sofa in a very small living room. Suddeenly, all you want to do is dance, so you move the sofa into the dining room. You can move the sofa because, no matter how heavy and bulky it is, the sofa is movable, and the space you move it into is inherently available.

No more is said about the sofa.

[Max Nemtsov · Rating 5 out of 5]

Очень полезная краткая инструкция. Хотя не отменяет необходимости чтения источников, конечно.

[Ivy Nguyen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lúc xem chương đầu của quyển này thì cảm thấy hứng thú. Sau khi xem qua cả quyển thì thấy đúng ra mình đọc chương đầu thôi là được rồi.
Có thể quyển này có giá trị cho những độc giả thực hành tôn giáo, quan tâm đến hành pháp và truyền pháp. Nhưng chắc chắn không dành cho mình. Cũng không phải mình chưa từng đọc sách về phật giáo, nhưng với góc độ một người đọc muốn tìm hiểu với góc nhìn khách quan thì thú thật mình không đọng lại được gì ngoài cảm giác khó chịu khi đọc vì quá nhiều bài nguyện và kinh chú mà mình không hiểu nội dung.
Nếu bạn không phải phật tử và chỉ đơn thuần là người đọc muốn tìm hiểu về chủ đề sự sống và cái chết thì nên cân nhắc những lựa chọn khác.

[Yuni Amir · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book oozes with humility and compassion. It amazes me how a dire concept such as death could be still about being compassionate to others, either you’re dying or tending to someone who is dying.

[Richard · Rating 3 out of 5]

"As soon as you're born you're old enough to die," Dylan. Probably before, if there's a "you" in utero - beyond my paygrade.

By the subtitle, "preparing for death, dying..." was an interesting Buddhist doctrine read. Nothing really new, but then - what is? It was the "beyond" part that threw me.

Like all good hippies on a "spiritual path," I had a copy of The Tibetan Book of the Dead, and like most of us I never read it. Kind of like "A Short History of Time," eh? So, I've been aware of the after-breath rituals, and readings, and the idea of bardos. It all seemed like a good idea, but not one that the book made any more comprehensible. "Lincoln in the Bardo," by George Saunders is a pretty good guide, though. So, when Living is Dying hit the bardos I was intrigued, but what I discovered was that not even Lama Khyentse really knows what happens as the breath travels on, and the body dies. He believes that consciousness continues, and cites Raymond Moody's "Life after Life" study as a good source, but also admits that it's all inconclusive. That admittal was a bit of a jolt, and shook me out of the idea that the Buddhists had a handle on the after-life.

I also got to thinking that all religion is a response to our fear of death/dying. I've always believed that a Buddhist sort of surrender to the inevitable was the way to go, but it never completely dawned on me that the whole system of after-life was as much a fabrication as whatever the Christians, or Hindus, or anyone else has come up with. I've always thought that we went off into the void, but held on to the idea that maybe, just maybe consciousness continues, and we might even remember "self" on the next go-around. Well, the good Lama disabused me of that magical thinking.

My aunties, and uncles were believing Catholics, and they saw their deaths as the entrance to the dining room of departed souls, where the family would gather and bask in divine love, and good food. My Auntie T. even reached out to grasp her dead brother's hand before she "gave up the ghost." I decided that whatever gets you through the passage was just fine, though I felt most deeply that there's nothing on the other side. "Living is Dying," unintentionally reaffirmed that belief.

So, all in all, another good text about living well, preparing for the end, and passing with some surrender; but another fantasy about what happens next.

[Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a book for practicing Buddhists, not for someone interested in death and dying from a non-religious perspective. I feel that it was deceptively marketed by Shambala and was very disappointed in the book. In order to read the book and find it useful, you have to believe in reincarnation - the advertising might have mentioned this.

[Tristan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Slightly underwhelming, just because I have read books and listened to talks that covered most of the same stuff in better ways - I highly recommend Robert Thurman’s lectures on the Tibetan Book of the Dead, available on youtube.


“Everything you are experiencing terrifies you.
Violent fury rages,
As sharp, angular shapes and symbols surround you, and Wrathful figures and tumultuous sounds fill your perception.
Never before have you seen or heard anything like it.

Grotesque figures with many heads and flaming faces
Fill all of space.
A strange and thunderous cacophony deafens you;
Like a mighty hail storm,
Sharp needles of light pierce the space around you.

O Son or Daughter of a Noble Family,
[name of dead person],
Do not be afraid!
This is the radiance, the display, the dance,
The ebb and flow of the same Buddha
That your mind experienced at the moment of death.
You are afraid because the experience is so alien.
This has never happened to you before,
So of course you are afraid.
Try to remember: this is the nature of your mind.
This is the Buddha.

You know now that you are dead.
Although you long to live again,
The causes and conditions for your new life have not
yet ripened.
Instead, you are entangled in your perception of death.
Multitudes of booming sounds and transfixing lights
Continue to terrify you.
You may feel as if you are falling into an abyss.
Everything you perceive is erratic and strange.
It all shifts and changes so quickly,
You never have time to get used to any of it.

Everything you experience strikes terror in your mind.
You have no point of reference,
Nowhere to rest,
No peace,
Nowhere to be silent,
No opportunity to contemplate.

O Son or Daughter of a Noble Family,
[name of dead person],
Throughout all this,
Try to remember:
Everything is a manifestation of your mind.

Mind is like the sky,
It has no colour, no shape, no boundary,
Yet 'cognition' and 'awareness' are always present.
Be confident in the nature of your mind.”

[Lydia Vaile · Rating 5 out of 5]

# 👍🏻 What I Liked About It

- It’s so funny to read the author’s jokes about modern consumerism and greed, with wit and irony, this approach is very light-weight and clever!
- It’s very comprehensive collection of methods and rituals
- Some funny and “not that so” stories

# 👎🏻 What I Didn't Like About It

- Despite the fact that the intention of this book is to show you useful tools to cope and understand the Death as phenomena, its collection of many rituals looked very frustrating for me. It seemed like on any occasion or any “problem” there is always a solution rooted in rituals. And yet, the main concept of compassion and good-will still reciting during the whole book.
- Do you really need to create all of those “unnecessary” movements and things in order to commemorate someone? I don’t know…

# 👨‍🎓 What I’ve Learned

- Bardo’s reading, - very useful to know the reading during and after the process of dying
- The vast majority of the pain suffered at death is caused by an emotional attachment to life, possessions, friends, family, property and fretting over unfinished business.
- The separation of body and mind is a terrible shock. It’s like being hit on the head with a baseball bat and most people faint.

# 📜 Quotes

“If all you care about is learning how to relax and unwind, meditation is probably not your best option. Smoke a cigar instead; it’s a far easier and more immediately effective way of relaxing yourself than meditation.”

“Mind is such a masochist! It’s as if it wants to feel alienated from god, just to have something to pray to.”

“Even if you are fit and healthy enough to beat Michael Phelps in the 200m butterfly, it is never too early to start preparing for death.”

[ieva · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book explained a lot of great Buddhist wisdom simply and in an accessible manner. The topic itself is foundational - we all start dying from the moment we start living, and the author does wonderfully at tackling it. However, it is very geared towards a specific Buddhist audience, where even for a practicing Buddhist from a different school, large parts are challenging to relate to. Nevertheless, if you "ignore" that aspect slightly, it's a great read when your current human life puts you in a position to deal with or contemplate death, and it's simply a good read in case you're interested in delving deeper into one of the preliminaries.

[arkan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book, way exceeding my expectations. Knowing Rinpoche, I knew it would be serious, at places humorous, but always beneficial. I never thought that alongside essays and transcripts of question and answer sessions, this book would also contain many many sadhanas and mantras for you to practice. You get a bonus tagdrol that you could photocopy and consecrate, too.

It's very immersed in both theory and practice. I think, in these harrowing times, this is an extremely important book to have printed at your house.

[Stephen Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have been a student of Vajrayana Buddhism, been accepted by a teacher, then this is like a refresher. It covers things revolving around the Bardo Thodol that can become not so clear in one’s memory. If you’re looking for insight into this school of thought but have never experienced the oral tradition, the instruction of your teacher, then it may seem a bit repetitive. What I found very interesting was the variance over the different schools and the practical advice about the bardo of dying. Not a light read. A certain level of understanding is necessary.

[Phil Calandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is probably reserved for the practicing Buddhist in which the preparation for death and the dying process is a tenet in Buddhist philosophy. Much of this book will seem very foreign to the western reader with its over emphasis on religiosity and Eastern culture. The great beauty of Buddhist philosophy, which sets it apart from other philosophies/religions, is the idea that you only accept what you experience. Perhaps any belief should be made on this basis.

[Petr Khi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really great explanation of death from a Tibetan Buddhist perspective. Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche's explanation is easy to understand, even when grieving. The bardo instructions are clear, concise, and written in a way that is meant to be used as a practice text (i.e. indicates where the deceased should be called by name, etc.). As much as I like Bob Thurman's translation, this has become my favorite version of Liberation Upon Hearing in the In-Between State. 10/10 would recommend.

[Yonten Jamtsho · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am really happy to know that this book is releasing very soon and very thankful to Our Rinpochoe for writing this book la. As a buddhist, I belive in birth and after life and I feel that this book will give us the right direction to prepare for our present and next life.
Thank you Rinpochoe La.

[A.B. McFarland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse has casual style of writing, which belies the gravity of the topic. Appropriate for Buddhists, particularly Vajrayana practitioners, the book covers many topics including descriptions of the dying process, prayers to read to someone who is dying or who has died, instructions on water offerings, tadrol "liberation through wearing" and crafting tsa-tsas.

[Tashi Lhamo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is recommended for people who faces death and wish to know more. It is especially written for Western and eastern who have no clue about what to do, how to do and when to do. Really good guide

[Lena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful for mortals. Loads and loads of helpful notes and links to guide anyone who wishes to think about death from a Buddhist perspective. What’s also great is how often Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse emphasizes how anyone can benefit from them practices within.

[Zhi Yi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche.. we go about our lives thinking that we are living forever but actually this book reminds us about impermanence and we should gather more merits and wisdom in this life, using this life as a vessel

[Jigme · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would like to buy and read this book very soon.

[Rubi Valentin-Jaranson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was beautifully written and is very helpful to see how Tibetan Biddhists understand life and death. It includes prayers and practices to help the dying.

[Hossain Salahuddin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Offers invaluable teachings and practices from Tibetan Buddhism that not only assist in preparing for the inevitability of death but also inspire a profound appreciation for the present moment.

[Vu Phong · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5

[Gcardoso · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ensinamentos para lidar com a morte

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pith instruction with clarity. There are some answers/view points I don’t completely agree with, but overall found this book to be very helpful and inspiring for what to do in the face of death.

[Kadek Ariana · Rating 5 out of 5]

best book

[Paasiri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read book!

[katscoolbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Takes some time to wrap head around