So I have this mental list of amazing male protagonists from novels, men who get to stand proud and tall in their billowy tucked-in, unbuttoned shirts, as I bestow upon them admission to the exclusive “Best Romantic Heroes in Literature” Club.
…Nigel Bevelstoke, Viscount Turner
is not
one of them.
**Full-Steam Spoilers (and Rants) Ahead**
First off, I would like to point out that this is the third book by Ms. Quinn that I have read, and funnily enough, the three books I have read have been THIS little series of hers (The Bevelstokes). The first book I read was actually book #3, Ten Things I Love About You which I *loved*--Sebastian, the hero from that book? HE gets admission to the club. Book #2, What Happens in London was ok, though it by no means wow-ed me the way #3 had, but all in all, it wasn’t bad. So I finally pick up book #1, and I read the premise and think “this will be good!”
Boy was I wrong.
Fair warning, I am going to spoil the crap out of this book, as well as rant about how much I hated it, and I’m not saying that lightly—I hated it, and the hero can have admission to the other club for WORST “romantic” Heroes of All Time.
The Secret Diaries of Miss Miranda Cheever opens with our darling Miranda at the tender age of 10, attending the birthday party of her best friend Olivia (the future heroine of What Happens in London). Miranda needs an escort home as apparently her father is neglectful and spends all his free time studying ancient antiquities rather than knowing where the hell his only child is, and so Olivia’s mother asks Olivia’s 19-year-old brother Nigel (who hates that name and prefers to be called “Turner”, the name of his title…but since I hate him, I’m calling him Nigel) to take Miranda home, which he dutifully does. And while traveling, Miranda reveals that another girl teased her at the party, making some mean comment about her looks (she’s not supposed to be very pretty), to which Nigel says that the other girl was wrong, that he thinks there is nothing wrong with Miranda’s looks, even going to the point of declaring that he believes the color violet looks lovely on her, unknowingly going against something the mean girl previously said to Miranda. FROM THIS ONE REMARK ALONE, 10-year-old Miranda falls head over heels in love with Nigel Bevelstoke, and for the next ten years, harbors a crush on him.
During this ten year period, Nigel (I’m still refusing to call him Turner) gets married to a cardboard cut-out villainess named Leticia, who has recently died, as well as done many a dastardly deed off page, so all we have to go on when it comes to her horribleness is Nigel’s rather bias memories of her. Apparently Leticia (the hussy) charmed him, making him think he was in love with her, convincing him to marry her even though she was pregnant with another man’s child, but after marrying, not only does she lose that child, she continues with her various affairs for years and years and years, until finally one day she dies due to a riding accident.
“…Under mysterious circumstances”…actually no, that never comes up, though I thought it might. It certainly would have made things a bit interesting, as this book was rather BORING, when it wasn’t pulling out all the stops to infuriate me.
But Loathsome Leticia has left her mark on “poor wittle Nigel”, and it’s apparently all her fault that he’s now a complete asshat. Miranda attends the funeral, momentarily reminiscing about the day she witnessed him marry Leticia, and how “in love” he seemed, while she remained in love with him (gag). The Bevelstokes often invite Miranda to stay with them (they’ve practically adopted her), and so she goes to the library to fetch something and runs into a drunk Nigel who makes several bitter remarks before shocking Miranda by kissing her. But it’s not sweet, nor is even done out of passion, or if there is passion, it’s an angry, punishing kind, and Miranda even remarks to herself that his kiss is hurting her. He then dismisses her and she runs back to her room, tears streaming down her face, her heart shattered because the kiss she has always longed for and imagined from him has been destroyed. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with him and I’m thinking, “Ok, this might work—she’s ‘woken up’ from her crush and now he’s going to have to reform and seek forgiveness and earn her love and trust…” Oh if only I had been so lucky. But not so. His apology to her the next day is half-assed at best, and despite her “convictions” to detest him, she fails miserably and continues to love him from afar.
As a reader, this romance was so *painful* to watch. Miranda seemed to have multiple personalities, because one minute she was “strong-willed heroine who wasn’t going to put up with Nigel’s bullshit” and the next she was “submissive doormat who can’t stop mooning over him”. It was exhausting to see. As for Nigel, for the first half of the book—perhaps even longer—he has 0 interest in Miranda; he sees her as nothing more than Olivia’s friend, he even thinks of her at times as a “little sister”, if he does think of her. He’s condescending, he’s patronizing, he’s a bully even, he makes it clear that he doesn’t want to marry again, he just wants a shack up with some widow, and when he does learn that Miranda is in love with him, he’s practically horrified by the revelation! You would think if he were THAT steadfast in his convictions of wanting to avoid her or at the very least, not wanting to develop anything further than an acquaintance through his sister, he WOULD return to the country, he WOULD encourage his younger brother to pursue Miranda, but no, he has to mettle, and he strikes me as one of those guys who can’t stand the thought of a girl liking anyone BUT them, even if they themselves have no intentions of pursuing something.
But while that’s pretty bad, that isn’t why I hate Nigel Bevelstoke. Because up until this point, I was willing to give this book 2 stars, in fact I WANTED to give it 2 stars, because that would mean there was something salvageable about it, but no…no, Nigel ruined everything after he seduces Miranda against her will.
There are A LOT of “red flags” in this book in regards to abuse. Nigel and Miranda find themselves seeking shelter from a storm in a little hunting lodge (typical trope, it was even used in Lisa Kleypas’ Scandal in Spring, a book I gave 5 stars to!), and Miranda asks Nigel to leave the room she’s occupying so she can undress and dry off. Instead, Nigel makes it SOUND as if he’s left the room, walking away and shutting the door, BUT without really leaving. Miranda doesn’t realize he’s still in the room (she has her back to him) until he groans at the sight of her naked skin and quite rightfully she shrieks and tells him to get out, but he doesn’t! No, NOW he wants her, NOW he’s interested; never mind that he disregarded her wish to be left alone in that moment, or that he betrayed her trust and refused to listen to her when she asked him to leave.
Things quickly go downhill from here. They have sex, and he promises Miranda that they will get married, BUT, he needs time to “think”, apparently (YOU SHOULD HAVE “THOUGHT” BEFORE YOU HAD SEX, YOU ASS!) but yeah, he needs a fortnight to think about things before announcing their engagement. He “assures” Miranda this is for the best, because if he announces right now that they’re engaged, everyone will assume they’re guilty of the thing they actually did, so really, he’s doing this out of "HER best interests". But turns out he’s not gone for a fortnight; he’s gone for 2-3 months! And Miranda has no way to contact him, and then she learns that she’s pregnant.
So Miranda has been knocked up and left to fend for herself by a man who MORE THAN ONCE has shown NO regard for her feelings, and has made it clear that entering into a marriage with her is not on his priority list.
When Nigel does finally reappear, instead of groveling and begging for Miranda’s forgiveness, he gives half-assed apologies and makes various threats that THEY WILL marry because HIS PRECIOUS HONOR is at stake.
It’s not about Miranda, it never has been. The guy couldn’t give a flying fuck for her feelings or reputation in all this, but oh no, HIS HONOR might be called into question, so NOW they have to marry. THAT is the incentive, not her.
The threat of physical violence is EVERYWHERE in this book. Nigel shoves his sister against a wall when she’s upset at the prospect of losing her friend; he shakes her like a ragdoll and threatens to backhand her if she doesn’t tell him why Miranda has gone to Scotland (she retreated there when she found out she was pregnant and Olivia is the only person who knows the reason), and when he corners Miranda in Scotland, he tells her that he has people watching her house so she can’t escape. He grabs her wrist and painfully squeezes it until she complies and agrees to whatever he wants, and gives her many a disturbing glare, all with the threat that something *bad* is going to happen to her if she dares disobey him.
This is NOT a man to fawn over. This is not a man, period. This is a monster, and by no means is he worthy of giving one’s heart to. Furthermore, Nigel treats Miranda like a child, cruelly teasing her, bullying her, continuing to talk to her in a patronizing manner, taking the book she’s reading straight out of her hands and mocking her…HE IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER ASS!
…And yet she still loves him. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???
She can’t stay angry with him, though I truly wish she would. She gives in, marries the douche, but apparently he’s a “stand-up guy” again (like he ever was) and I skimmed over the wedding night chapter because I’m not that much of a masochist.
Oh, and she loses the baby. Apparently during that 2-3 three month period when Nigel was away leaving Miranda to fend for herself, she miscarried, but no one seems to be heartbroken about it, least of all Miranda. It’s skimmed over and presented like an after-thought. But not to worry, because she soon gets pregnant again, and then the book does a crazy time jump in a matter of two pages and BOOM, it’s now 8-9 months later and Miranda is approaching her due date.
And if Nigel weren’t enough of a asshole, let’s also throw in the fact that Miranda tells him, just before he leaves for London (why, I don’t know) that she loves him (because all this time, he’s never once said the big L word to her). Nigel panics and his throat dries up. He CAN’T say it back; his speech is quite literally crippled. Miranda’s heart is broken (again) and they begin a “separation”, where they are married, but living like two strangers under the same roof. Nigel fumes and broods and is angry at Miranda for forcing them to be apart, but doesn’t truly try to make things right. He’s man enough to recognize that *this* is at least his fault, but he doesn’t seem to be as sorry as he should be. And it should be noted that while he can’t say “I love you”, he WANTS to hear her say to him over and over. Double-standard hypocrite.
Well the book does have a “happy ending” if you can call it that. For me, a happy ending would be Miranda leaving Nigel’s ass and running off with his younger brother who seemed sweet on her at the beginning of the story. Any other writer would have done just that, but nope! No, in this case, it’s the sound of his daughter’s cry when she is born that FINALLY has Nigel realize “OMG, I *DO* love Miranda!” But before he can say anything, she’s losing blood AND MIGHT DIE. But she doesn’t, and when she wakes up from her mystical birthing coma, she hears Nigel confess that he does love her. Awwww—barf.
I mention all of this because I NEED people to know how disgusting and unlikable Nigel Bevelstoke, aka “Turner” is. He’s not swoon-worthy, he’s not admirable, and he definitely is not the kind of guy, fiction or real, that should be desired by anyone. He’s a condescending, patronizing, hypocritical, abusive dickhead who needs to be kicked in the balls repeatedly.
Miranda can do so much better. And so can readers.