Caverns and Creatures: Volume I

Caverns and Creatures #1-4

by Robert Bevan

What if you and your friends got to live the game for real? What if you and your friends were assholes?

Genres: Fantasy, Audiobook, Fiction, Humor, Classics, Urban Fantasy, Adventure

Audible Audio

Published June 20, 2019

Reviews

[S. K. Pentecost · Rating 2 out of 5]

Terrible. Worse the farther into the series you read...

But something about the unashamed repetition of piss jokes brings me right back to being 13 and absolutely unlayable.

So yeah, 2 stars, but it's 2 Evil Dead stars.

It sucks, but if the internet keeps trying to sell you tee-shirts with d20s on them, you're gonna love it.

[Mandy Rae · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent, once you remove the juvenile & asinine "humor"

This series reminds me of something the kid who sat in the back of the class during middle school who did nothing all day long but draw penises would have written. The overly excessive use of feces, urine and vomit do nothing but detract from what would otherwise be a great series.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Critical Failures book 1
I love this series, I'm so glad I found this author and his work! :D

I find Cooper oddly charming and his friend/coworker, Julian, who's invited to a game night with the rest of Cooper's friends, (Dave and Tim), to play Cavern's and Creatures or C&C for short. So they decide to to drink a lot of beer while they play their game because god damn it - it make's the experience more fun! So why they're waiting for their new Cavern Master (CM) to arrive, Julian decides to read the C&C's Handbook as he has never played the game before. And Dave is missing and no one but Tim notices his not there. Dave's in the freezer by the way... yeah, poor guy. :( Luckily it wasn't at a high cold temperature in there because he would have some horrible lasting affect for at least a little while. And Tim's sister, Katherine, is great. I love her no-nonsense attitude and her lade-back way of life!

So the CM's name is Mordred, he's a little shit - more on that later. I like the character's they choose to be; Dave's a dwarf who is a cleric, Cooper is a half-orc barbarian, Tim is a halfling rogue, and Julian decides to be an elf that's a wizard! Its an interesting team up! I agree with Cooper on this one - it would have been better for Julian to chose to be a sorcerer instead! I like the conversation with the character here:
' “Quite an unlikely group of comrades. You do realize, of course, that dwarves and half-orcs don’t get along, don’t you?” “That shouldn’t be too hard to role play. Dave and Cooper don’t get along anyway.” '

So they rolled three dices and the group has been punished, (unfairly, might I add!) by Mordred to spend the rest of their lives in a fantasy game as the characters they chose at the start because this guy doesn't take criticism well and he doesn't have a think-skin. Lovely... I would take the group of assholes over Mordred any day because at least with them they don't over react and take you from your world!!!! And seriously - Why make it a rule that you have to memorize all your spells every morning just to be able to use magic! At least let them be able to remember the 0 level spells all the time!!

Time skip: The guy's have to save Tim because he's been thrown into jail. And have now acquired a wagon, (taken by polite force?!) to sneak into the city unnoticed. And now Dave and Cooper are trying to convince Julian to drive the wagon, and that he is an expert smooth talker, and should ride up front, and Julian doesn't believe he is capable of it. I love Julian's familiar, Ravenous, A huge black raven that is now the size of a falcon. I love how much he admires and loves Julian, and he's the cutest when he's trying get Julian's approval and attention, and Ravenous wanting to call him Master or Sir, and Julian's not having any of it. When the situation gets too much for the bird; he losses his cool, clam, and posh demeanor and he swears, and then we, (the readers) now know he's the perfect new member for the group.

Dave now has a spotted leopard skin arm permanently which is hilariously funny - he literally has a hairy arm. A fluffy, furry arm. And I love how Julian tell's his familiar to 'go find Tim', um... I don't know how to put this nicely but - YOUR FAMILIAR DOESN'T KNOW WHO TIM IS or what he look's like, so how can he find him?!!! -_-''' Incompetence at its finest folks. But I can't dislike Julian, he's too lovable! And now Katherine and Chaz are in the game. Yay! Kat is Druid half-elf that has a large gray wolf companion (Butterbean), and a sickle as a weapon. And poor Chaz is a human bard with his lute, that's just horrible.

Julian, STOP summing horses and then using them as meat shields - that's not what they are for!!

Tim, why did you shoot Ravenus in the wing! Not cool man... not cool. I love their interaction in this scene though:
“Timberly here shot me.” “It’s Timothy,” said Tim. “It’s Fuckhead,” argued Ravenus.
And the best come-back ever from my favourite bird:
“Because fuck you, that’s why!”

I can't wait to meet the others humans stuck in C&C with them. I just know they are going to be interesting characters. A rule to live by when your stuck in a fantasy world and the real world:
“This is C&C world,” said Tim. “I’m always expecting something to come out of the trees and kill us.”

And the ending of book 1 - I'll try not to spoil the ending so I'll hide the spoiler part. I love how smart Tim is and him pretending to be super mad to the point of losing his ever-loving-mind to trick Mordred into doing what Tim wants - is just genius! I agree with Cooper 100% on this one, if you find a way to get Mordred out of that F'ing freezer he will never bring you back because he is a heartless, bully, cruel basted who thinks he's better than everyone when all he is - is a coward who hides behind his magical 20 sided dice's. But now I'm mentioning it - I want to know how he got those dice and how are they in the real world where magic doesn't exist. And as Cooper says: he’s a sad little fuck who gets off on having power over other people.



Critical Failures book 2
So now the guy's are drinking their worry's away in a bar, they meet Jorn the she-dwarf. Then they get kicked out for using a little magic and now their at The Whore's Head Inn where all the weirdos go, a.k.a. the human's that were transported into the game. And because of what happened at the end of the first book are guys have decided to make their very own magic dice to use to get back home, and because of how expensive/be a more powerful magic user to accomplish this - its going to take a lot of time. So that's their goal. I love that Cooper who is 30 years old and Julian who's about 18-19 are BFF's - friendship always transcends age.

And Katherine just disappears with this strange guy, no survival skills dude! But to be fair she has been enchanted to follow the guy and Chaz followed because his not letting his girlfriend go of with a creep on her own... but you could have taken like a sword or knife with you, you know to protect yourself with instead of just a lute.

Some dickhead kids playing adults come's into play now, and who are bullies; they call themselves The Four Horsemen. One of them is called Eric. I don't like them... yeah I'll say more about these boys later.




Frank
Tony the Elf is an elf, duh.



As if waking up from a horrific nightmare, Stuart opened his eyes and gasped. He rolled over on his side and coughed up what seemed like half a liter of blood.

“He wants to go?” asked Cooper, not quite sure if he was understanding this correctly. “Well that’s fine with me. Tell him not to let the door hit his ass on the way out.”

“You hurt his pride.” “His pride can suck my balls.”
“You’re kicking us out?” said Tim.

“Do you guys notice anything strange about this place?” asked Julian. “Other than that it’s creepy as fuck?” offered Cooper.

“Oh come on,” said Julian. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Do you mean to tell me that – Hey, where’s Tim?” Julian looked back at the spot where Tim had been standing, but Tim was gone.

Butterbean tore into the badger’s side with his teeth. Even Ravenus flew down and pecked at its head. The badger didn’t even seem to notice. Its eyes never left Julian. “Dave,” Julian called out weakly, making an effort not to throw up when he spoke. Dave was occupied fending off attacks from the other badger.

Cooper, as it turned out, was right behind him. “I’m really angry!” he shouted. He brought his axe down on the badger’s back,

Julian, barely able to sit up, made his own scant contribution to the fight. He raised an arm that felt like it was made out of lead, pointed a finger weakly at the badger and breathed the words “Have some.”

Julian could feel Ravenus’s fear as he was forced to the ground. He felt a sensation like having the air suddenly forced out of his lungs when the tree landed. It was too much. He fell on his back and passed out.

“Where’s Ravenus?” “Your fucking bird is fine.” Ravenus hopped out from behind a nearby tree. He raised a wing. “So happy to see you awake, sir. I’m afraid I took a bit of a tumble.” “What’s wrong with your wing?” “It might be broken.” “Dave!” Julian called out. “Do you have any heals left?” “I was saving one for you,” said Dave, wiping blood and bits of bone from his mace. “I’m fine,” said Julian. “Ravenus has a broken wing.” “You’re not fine,” said Dave.

“Listen,” said Dave. “Your affection for this fictional bird is charming, but we need to –” “He’s not a fictional bird,” said Julian. “He’s right fucking here.”

“We’re in a game. If the bird dies, well, he never really existed to begin with. If you die…” He shrugged. Julian struggled to his feet, only now feeling the intense pain between his neck and shoulder.

“We’re in a dangerous forest. This is my last fucking spell. If I waste it on a bird, you are probably going to die if we run into anymore badgers, or whatever.

“Do you have any zero level healing spells available?” “Those only heal one hit point a piece. They’re next to worthless.” “Worthless for a full grown multi-level adult with a serious injury, maybe,” said Tim. “But what about for a bird with a broken wing?” Two zero level healing spells were all it took to bring Ravenus back up to his full health. Dave’s remaining first level spell brought Julian back up to minor scrapes and bruises.

Tim looked at Butterbean, and then at Ravenus. “Ravenus, you can’t talk to wolves, can you?” “What makes you think that I’d be able to talk to wolves?” said Ravenus. “Just a shot in the dark.”

“Julian. Do you have any of those horse spells?” “You mean Mount?” Cooper giggled. “Shut up, Cooper,” said Tim. “Yeah. Do you have any Mounts?” He gave Cooper a warning look. Cooper

“Fly ahead and look out for danger.” Ravenus, ever faithful to his master, did as he was bid.

“These horses are only good for two hours. Have you been keeping track of the time?” “No. I seem to have left my stopwatch in my other loincloth.” “If we’re riding at full gallop when the spell’s duration runs out, they’ll disappear right out from under us,

“What the fuck are all of you guys talking about?” asked Cooper, who couldn’t understand the Elven language.

which means whoever owns this place is probably an asshole who is going to try to murder us all.” “I concede you may have found a potential flaw in my logic,” said Cooper. “It doesn’t matter,” said Tim. “We don’t have a lot of options available to us.”

Nothing, that is, but a small stone keep, as Ravenus had reported, and about two dozen zombies, which Ravenus had failed to mention.

“How does it work?” asked Julian. “Hell if I know.” “Just point it at the zombies and say something,” said Tim. “As long as your intention is to turn them, it should work.

I’ll run out next with Butterbean. We’ll try to take down whatever Dave’s turning doesn’t cover. Julian… I don’t know. Cheer us on or something.”

Julian threw his first flask over the ledge. “Ow!” shouted Dave just after the sound of breaking glass. Shit. “Sorry!” shouted Julian. “Dammit, Julian! It’s all over my hair! Watch where you’re throwing that shit!”

Julian picked up the torch and threw it into the crowd, making his best judgment as to where he thought it might have a good chance of catching some oil. His heart stopped for two seconds while nothing happened. He had failed and they were all going to be eaten alive by zombies because of it. But he hadn’t failed.

“No,” said Dave. “These aren’t movie zombies. They don’t spread a zombie disease. They are just dead people that have been animated by some kind of necromancer.” Julian let out a long, steady breath.

He fired. It collapsed into a burning heap. “How do you think that necromancer is going to feel when he sees that we’ve destroyed all of his handiwork down here?”

“You inconsiderate bitch!” Tim was losing his shit.

“Something’s off,” he said. “I’ve never seen your sister that happy.” The fury left Tim’s eyes. He raised an eyebrow. “Just chill the fuck out until we see what’s going on, okay?” Tim nodded.

Julian wondered if this was the look Mordred had been going for when he first met him at the Chicken Hut. If so, Mordred had failed horribly.

“No thanks,” said Tim curtly. “I'll just be taking my sister and going, if it's all the same to you.”

“I've had enough of this bullshit,” said Tim. “Cooper, pick her up.”

“And what about Butterbean?” Tim snapped at his sister. “Are you going to just abandon your Animal Companion again? Leave him out here in the cold with these two butchers?”

Tim stood next to Julian. “This is wrong,” he said just loud enough for Julian to hear. “That's not my sister.”

He looked back up at Chaz. “Have you noticed that Katherine's been acting strange?” Chaz nodded his head vigorously as he sang.

“Dude,” said Chaz. “You've got to get us out of here.” “Chaz!” said Katherine. “I don't think anyone told you to stop singing.” “Shut the fuck up, Kat!” said Chaz.

“What's going on, Chaz?” “Millard is a vampire." “Ooh!” said Julian. “I was going to guess that!” “You're very clever,” said Tim.

“Has he been draining your blood?” “No.” “Is he fucking my sister?” “Tim!” shouted Katherine. “Shut up, Katherine. Something is fucked up around here, and I'... This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.

“Well that explains you being dressed up like a space-whore.” Dave stifled a laugh just a moment too late. “Not cool, man.”

then why is he keeping you here as prisoners?” “I'm here of my own free will,” said Katherine. “That's bullshit,” said Chaz, almost pleadingly. “He's got her under some kind of trance.” “I know,” said Tim. “That much is obvious."

“So if everything's so great around here,” said Tim, “then why are you so keen for us to bust you out of here?” “Well,” said Chaz. “He's a vampire. That's pretty terrifying by itself. But there's also the torture.” “He tortures you?” “Not physically.” Tim closed his eyes. “Chaz, I don't have the patience for riddles right now. What are you talking about?”

he's got a lot of songs.” “I only know four!” said Chaz. “If I have to sing Holly Holy one more time, I'm going to jump out of a fucking window.”

He looked at Ravenus, who seemed to be the only one paying any attention to him. Ravenus shrugged.

said Chaz. “I don't think he's been a vampire for very long. “What makes you say that?” “He's not very good at it.” “Go on.”

But did you see that giant painting on the wall when you entered?” “The one of himself?” “Yeah!” said Chaz. “Who does that?”

“I kind of feel bad for him. He's like the fat rich kid in school with a bunch of expensive toys and no friends. He's just overly eager to impress people. You'll see what I mean when he brings back dinner.”

Just do yourselves a favor and try to look impressed." “Why don't we just grab Katherine and get the hell out of here while he's gone?” asked Dave.

But what about the rest of us? If we don't take this chance to bounce while he's away, what makes you think he's going to ever let us go? I mean, if he's that lonely... I'll remind you that we've been stripped of our weapons. We aren't going to be able to take down a vampire.”

Anyway, two permanent guests ought to be enough for him. Six guests, and a wolf and a bird... nobody wants that in their house all the time. And once he spends any appreciable amount of time with Cooper, I don't think he'll be able to show us to the door fast enough.”

“Last door on the left,” said Dave. “How could you get lost? You only had one direction to follow." “Fuck you, Dave,” said Cooper. “I got confused. You know that trick where you put your hands out in front of you, and the left one looks like the letter L?” “Yeah.” “Well I'm illiterate now. I don't know what the letter L looks like.”

Julian approached him and spoke softly enough so that only Cooper could hear him. “Did you really get lost, or were you jerking it to Tim's sister?” “Both,” said Cooper. “Did you at least wash your hands?” “Does this place look like it has running water?”

The whole process took less than six seconds, after which Millard, fully clothed, stood smiling at them. Julian looked at his friends. They were all looking at each other, unsure of what the protocol for this was. Chaz started a polite golf clap, and everyone else followed suit.

Dinner, not surprisingly, consisted of roasted deer. Chaz was right. It was delicious. But Julian might have found shoe leather delicious as hungry as he was.

Millard, naturally, did not eat. He merely sat back, enjoying the music and the company. Julian felt a little sorry for him.

Millard was nothing if not a generous host. He even managed to scrounge up a bottle of hard stuff for Dave.

“Since I became acquainted with Professor Goosewaddle’s Magical Bath Salts.” “Is that a euphemism for cocaine?”

Julian and Dave eyed one another and, without a word being spoken between them, faced off in a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Dave's rock beat Julian's scissors. Dammit, of course it did. Why did he pick scissors? Nobody ever picks paper.

He said he wants you out of here right after breakfast.” “What a cockbag,” said Cooper through a mouthful of bacon. “Of course, I wouldn't want us around either if I was fucking your sister rotten all day.”

“Well he's got a point, doesn't he?” said Tim.

“Holy shit,” said Cooper. “You’re saying he can’t get his pecker up?” “Jesus,” said Tim. “I never thought of that.” “What a raw deal,” said Julian. “You get to live forever, but you don’t get to have sex.” “It’s like being Dave,” said Cooper.





Now reading Book 3:
Critical Failures book 3

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was not by any means a piece of fine literature. It was bawdy, obnoxious, grotesque and repugnant. It was also the most hilarious listen I have ever heard! I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my cheeks.

[Ron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laugh out loud funny!

Reminds me of all of the worst screw ups from my gaming history. I can't wait to see how he wraps this up successfully and hope he does!

[Riley Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fun book! I was laughing so much while reading this Volume. It is one that I don't recommend reading while out in public. Mostly because of the random moments that have you almost spitting your drink while you laugh. Since I am also familiar with playing D&D, I can totally understand and appreciate the amount of work the author put into this story! The game is fun, but unforgiving just like the story these characters are playing thru. And like the characters learn early on: The rolls are everything!

If you've played the game, I recommend this book to you all! You might even see some situations your own groups have made memories of and this book will have you walking back into in the past.

Also, Not Kid Appropriate! This is totally meant for adult ears. Not only from the crude language, but also due to the graphic and lewd scenes of all types. I wasn't a fan with the amount of times some type of bodily function occurred during the stories. Seemed like that author was trying to get a poop joke in every chapter and sometime even more often than that.

[Tomcat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing!

Warning: Don’t read in public spaces, unless you don’t mind people looking at you with rare looks or friends asking you to explain why are you laughing.

I laughed a lot with this books, honestly in every chapter I laughed a lot and in some instances I had to put the book down while I laughed. The author did a great work, the characters are great, the world is great and every situation the characters are in is nicely written. Of course, you need to have a minimum understanding of roleplaying and D&D to understand the puns and jokes along the story. Highly recommend book to any fan of D&D and other rpg systems.

[Matthew · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really embarrassed to have continued to read this after realizing how bad it was. Like, really, actually, real-life embarrassed. It's bad. Do not read this. I swear to you you will not regret not reading this.

I don’t know why I keep giving this genre a chance. The premise seems like it wouldn’t be too hard to make something entertaining from, but the authors drawn to it just seem kind of shitty. Aside from a go-nowhere plot, weak dialogue, and abrupt and unsatisfying ending, this one constantly attempts to pass racist, sexist, homophobic, and consistently juvenile tropes off under the pathetically veneer of “iT’s wHaT mY ChAracTeR wOuLd dO.” I recommend a hard pass.

[Tammy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only finished book 1 - just couldn't get past all the juvenile body humour. And really, the best put down that these 20 something gamers can come up with is 'fat' or 'gay' - You are not 12 and even a 12-year-old knows that type of shaming is disrespectful and hurtful.
While the story started to engage me, all the snot, poop and vomit was just too much and none of the characters was developed enough for me to care for any of them let alone stick with them for 3 more books
There are much better examples of this genre to waste any time here.

[P.j. Pirrello · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with some of the other commenters here. I really like the plot and general storytelling. I think it's a great concept that the author executes very well. I think the overuse of juvenile humor detracts from what I otherwise think is a great read.

[Tory Thai · Rating 5 out of 5]

This entire series has to been some of the most purely entertaining and honestly very well written commedies I've ever experienced.

It has been consistently fun getting to experience this crude world and the comedy style is perfect suited for me. Honestly its so offensive at times that it probably won't be for everyone but I enjoy the stupid humor.

I wrote individual reviews for books 1-3 so this review is mostly going to be about book 4.

Book 4 has my rolling with laughter the entire time. It lacked a bit of direction though, felt like its plot was sorta non existant and being made up as it goes along as it didn't have a clear path to go to.
The lack of plot didn't bother me though as much as it really gave me a major sense of world building again. It builds off the events of the prior books and so it sorta reintroduced you to the world a bit to refamiliarize you. I felt like 80% of the plot was just the characters walking around trying to find Mordrid and sorta stumbling into one thing after another aimlessly. It was fun to the jokes and banter but was probably the weakest of the 4 book volume.

What this last book in the volume does though is set up the premise of the next books in the series quite well and im very anxious to get into them.

[Lise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This digital boxed set is full of coarse humor (mostly bathroom humor, but a substantial amount of slapstick, all topped off by really blasphemous humor) and unlikable protagonists. It's surprising that I actually finished the first chapter. I think I cut it some slack because I could tell the author had real affection for the subject matter (gaming and gamers). I'm glad I did.

Yes, the characters are (almost without exception) jerks, but they're also jerks who really do seem to have affection for each other. They have (just barely) enough empathy to keep the book readable, and their less savory traits make it less painful to read when terrible things happen to them.

Which is just the right balance to make this book series enjoyable. Old school gamers will recognize a lot here - the trite situations which go off the rails (no scenario has ever survived contact with the player characters), the weird power adaptions and improvisations, and even the meta game tropes (as in the characters incursion into the players' world). Sure, there are a couple which haven't been explored, but then there are evidently more books in the series.

[Michael P Gallitelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series grew on me as I read it. The characters are very funny and their misadventures in the fantasy C&C land they are magically transported to are quite actually well done. There is a lot of juvenile profanity and bathroom humor. Sometimes it detracts from the main story, but it remains constant throughout the series, making the characters consistent. I have read all 5 books and have real appreciation for this series and greatly look forward to the next installment. I will also say after completing reading all the C&C novels, i read a few other books in the RPGlit genre , bur C&C by far has the best characters. Unlike many of the other books I have read where the main characters wind up being Uber players with phenomenal gears and super hero like stats. C&C's boys are "normal" characters with serious flaws. It's very refreshing to see all the limitations imposed upon them by having realistic stats.

[Nik Ekonomakis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what to think of this when I got it. It seemed interesting enough to pick up on a lark.

Basically it feels a lot like 3.5/pathfinder players getting dragged into a mystical world. A lot of the humour is crude, but honestly, it's a lot more 'real' with people I've gamed with in the past, when you have those moments, and seeing consequences of dump stats and what not. All four books I enjoyed, and I enjoyed all of the characters, even the over the top NPCs.

All four main characters are interesting at the beginning, and other than Dave pretty fleshed out. I'm currently on book 5 and Dave is kinda still backgroundy.

If you're a fan of roleplaying games, you'll probably enjoy this

[Mike Milligan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun but VERY VERY crass

As a long time roleplayer myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this because I could envision several of the friends I've played with over the years as the different characters in the story. Though it is an enjoyable story, it's quite predictable at times if you're at all familiar with roleplaying tropes. Also, I can't recommend this for anyone who is sensitive to foul language, crass humor, lewd comments, and irreverent jokes. But if those don't bother you, this series is a rollicking good time. I nearly hurt myself laughing a few times at the absurdity of the situations the characters found themselves in.

[Phoebe Prince · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm reviewing each book separately, but I bought the box set. The dick, fart, and sex jokes don't disappoint. This series has it all: orgasm magic, dildo vampire stakes, Arby's, and Jesus Christ fighting a lich king. I love reading books that I didn't know I wanted until I started reading them, and then I realized I desperately needed them. Quality fantasy humor has this effect on me often. See: my Discworld obsession.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This series is rude, crude and often irreverent. Also very funny-particularly for fantasy game fans. It's a stroll through familiar territory with a group of reluctant sort-of-heroes, who mostly just want their life of slack back, tyvm. Fart gags, and dick jokes abound. So maybe not for everyone. But for me, it was the perfect escape from constantly checking my Twitter TL for news of the end of the world as we know it.

[Neil · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was at times, really cringe worthy in a political correctness kind of way. And there's a few of the characters that really got on my nerves. I can understand some peoples negative reviews as a result of this.

But, I loved it. As a table top gamer the subject matter was of interest to me and by the end of book 4 I was totally invested in the story.

I'll definitely be returning to the series.

[Maarten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing read, starts off fresh and interesting but by book 4 you start to notice some strain on the storytelling. The finish was not very surprising and a little small in scale imo, but who knows what book 5 will bring. I'll be back to read it!

The characters and style is entertaining and enjoyable as I've picked up D6 and 2D6 right after this :)

[William Siracuse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Low charisma be damned

Thinking even if the move silently roll was a 20, Cooper's wet fart would over ride the 20 and you would be screwed....lol. But seriously, if you ever played DnD you will really love this romp in the world of C&C...just don't be a useless bard... Can't wait to dive into more books by the author.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterically funny, vulgar, and a rolicking good time

Don’t even start this if bad language, poop jokes, and penis humor offends you. But amongst all the shenanigans, a really good story gets told. Very fun and highly recommended for those who like their litrpg with a side of ‘your mother’ jokes!

[Sean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stupidly Hilarious

Sophomoric. Juvenile. Hilarious. The stories have just enough going on to keep you interested but are light enough to just be quick, easy easy reads to pass the time. I thought I was going to wake my wife up due to laughing so hard. Tolkien novels these ain't, fun reads they are.

[Carlos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Action, excitement, orcs and farts

I can probably count on one hand the number of books that made me laugh aloud & this one tops the list. Characters are fleshed out enough that you care deeply what happens to them. Impossible odds. Dilated orifices. Fabulous!

[John Adkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Hardest I Have Laughed in Ages

I laughed so hard reading this book that my wife snuck and filmed me giggling to put up on Facebook. The book is vulgar in all the right ways. Fantastic!

[David Pyles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Greatness

You know, the only thing better then reading these books, would be rolling some dice with Bevan... if you are ever interested Mr. Bevan... Haha let's roll some fucking dice!

[Michael · Rating 1 out of 5]

A travesty of literature

If you like your humor juvenile and idiotic, read on. I’m pretty sure the author doesn’t just condone the use of drugs in the books. It appears he partakes too often as his maturity level indicates a stunted growth.

[Dan Pritchett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Someone borrowed my tablet and read this

This book was fun to read but embarrassing if anyone knows you read it. The story is deeper than the profanity and general childishness. A neat little book for D&D fans. Still better than Twilight

[Marty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Twisted humor

Bevan is a sick genius. If humor that is right the edge of socially acceptable norm hard for you then stay away but if nothing is off limits and yet you still have a kind a decent heart then definitely take a chance on this series.

[Hamish · Rating 2 out of 5]

Had great potential. Pity the crew are a pack of A-holes.

I actually was enjoying it for a while. But the main group of characters just wore me down. They were simply a pack of assholes.

If you like dick jokes. Dumb people doing dumb shit. Then this book is for you!

[Freya Salazar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really funny in a dark way. 🤣 I enjoyed it. My husband turned me to this series. His hope was to get to me to understand somewhat DND better. Kinda lol. I mean it worked. I do appreciate the story. Can't wait to get started on the next book.