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You Can't F*ck Up Your Kids: A Judgment-Free Guide to Stress-Free Parenting
Cribsheet
meets The Sh!t No One Tells You in this no-holds-barred, judgment-free parenting guide that sets the record straight on every hot-button parenting topic by longtime journalist and founder of the viral #NoShameParenting movement.
What if you could do more for your kids, by doing a whole lot less?
Parenting today has become a competitive sport, and it seems that everyone is losing. From the very moment that little line turns blue, parents-to-be find themselves in a brave new world where every decision they make is fraught, every action they take is judged, and everything they do seems to be the wrong thing.
Formula feed? Breast is best.
Breastfeed in public? That’s indecent.
Cry it out? You’re causing permanent harm to your child.
Don’t sleep train? Your child will never learn to sleep on his or her own.
Stay home? You’re setting a bad example for your kids.
Go back to work? Don’t you love your kids more than your job?
Lindsay Powers—former editor-in-chief of Yahoo! Parenting, creator of the #NoShameParenting movement, and mom of two—is here to help parents everywhere breathe a collective sigh of relief. This laugh-out-loud funny, accessible, and reassuring book sets the record straight on all of the insane conflicts that parents face—from having a glass of wine while pregnant to sleep training, childcare, feeding, and even sex after baby.
Drawing on the latest research and delivered in a relatable, comforting voice, You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids demonstrates that it is possible to take the stress out of parenting and sit back and enjoy the ride.
What if you could do more for your kids, by doing a whole lot less?
Parenting today has become a competitive sport, and it seems that everyone is losing. From the very moment that little line turns blue, parents-to-be find themselves in a brave new world where every decision they make is fraught, every action they take is judged, and everything they do seems to be the wrong thing.
Formula feed? Breast is best.
Breastfeed in public? That’s indecent.
Cry it out? You’re causing permanent harm to your child.
Don’t sleep train? Your child will never learn to sleep on his or her own.
Stay home? You’re setting a bad example for your kids.
Go back to work? Don’t you love your kids more than your job?
Lindsay Powers—former editor-in-chief of Yahoo! Parenting, creator of the #NoShameParenting movement, and mom of two—is here to help parents everywhere breathe a collective sigh of relief. This laugh-out-loud funny, accessible, and reassuring book sets the record straight on all of the insane conflicts that parents face—from having a glass of wine while pregnant to sleep training, childcare, feeding, and even sex after baby.
Drawing on the latest research and delivered in a relatable, comforting voice, You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids demonstrates that it is possible to take the stress out of parenting and sit back and enjoy the ride.
320 pages, Paperback
Published March 31, 2020
57 people are currently reading
504 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
April 11, 2020
I can still remember the first time I went on a play date with my 3 year old son and fresh from the womb daughter. She was tucked in the baby wearing shawl at the time and my son was running wild through the house, and the other Moms gave me looks. Ha, I wish that I’d had this book then!
It’s a fun read for parents on different avenues you can take regarding all of the many options out there, and the unsolicited looks you may receive depending on what you have chosen as best for your family.
*thank you Atria for the gifted copy for review
It’s a fun read for parents on different avenues you can take regarding all of the many options out there, and the unsolicited looks you may receive depending on what you have chosen as best for your family.
*thank you Atria for the gifted copy for review
February 2, 2020
I help run and facilitate a Motherhood book club at our local library for moms in our community so I am always on the lookout for books to add to our reading list. Our book club focuses primarily on nonfiction books related to parenthood so when I saw this book available as a galley, I couldn't wait to check it out.
One of the most common things that come up in our discussions is the ways we moms feel like we aren't measuring up. Whether our kids are big or small, whether we work full time, part-time or stay home, everyone feels infiltrated with how we think we "should" be doing things and all the ways we feel like we are lacking.
With technology and social media, we are bombarded with more information than ever before and while there are many benefits to this, there are also just as many reasons we are having parenting information overload.
In You Can't F*ck Up Your Kids, author Lindsay Powers takes on some common and often highly sensitive parenting topics such as breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, daycare vs. staying home, screentime, and the idea that any parent has it "all figured out'".
Her writing is relatable and I enjoyed how she interweaved research with a conversational style of writing in her chapters. There is a great balance of information from her won experiences as well as other parents which helped give a wider perspective on these topics.
Her overall message is that the majority of parents are really just doing the best they can and that most of these choices are not going to make it or break it for our children. She talked through each of these topics and why either way, your kids are going to be just fine. Enter her #noshameparentingmovement.
I appreciated the end of her book and how she shared how her own childhood trauma affected her not only as a parent but also as a writer. There are, of course, choices that can significantly impact children negatively, but they are not because someone didn't breastfeed or allowed their child to fall asleep on their own in their crib.
I appreciated this relatable and informative approach to discussing the many issues parents (and primarily mothers) are up against these days.
Thank you to Atria Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
One of the most common things that come up in our discussions is the ways we moms feel like we aren't measuring up. Whether our kids are big or small, whether we work full time, part-time or stay home, everyone feels infiltrated with how we think we "should" be doing things and all the ways we feel like we are lacking.
With technology and social media, we are bombarded with more information than ever before and while there are many benefits to this, there are also just as many reasons we are having parenting information overload.
In You Can't F*ck Up Your Kids, author Lindsay Powers takes on some common and often highly sensitive parenting topics such as breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, daycare vs. staying home, screentime, and the idea that any parent has it "all figured out'".
Her writing is relatable and I enjoyed how she interweaved research with a conversational style of writing in her chapters. There is a great balance of information from her won experiences as well as other parents which helped give a wider perspective on these topics.
Her overall message is that the majority of parents are really just doing the best they can and that most of these choices are not going to make it or break it for our children. She talked through each of these topics and why either way, your kids are going to be just fine. Enter her #noshameparentingmovement.
I appreciated the end of her book and how she shared how her own childhood trauma affected her not only as a parent but also as a writer. There are, of course, choices that can significantly impact children negatively, but they are not because someone didn't breastfeed or allowed their child to fall asleep on their own in their crib.
I appreciated this relatable and informative approach to discussing the many issues parents (and primarily mothers) are up against these days.
Thank you to Atria Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
August 26, 2021
Published in 2020, the nonfiction book, "You Can't F*ck Up Your Kids: A Judgement-Free Guide to Stress-Free Parenting," by Lindsay Powers, is a fairly short, accessible book intended to help parents of young children (ages five and under) stop shaming themselves, and stop shaming other parents, over their parenting choices.
The book is full of self-help tips to help make parenting less stressful.
I'm not a parent, and I grew up parenting five younger siblings, a life skill that led to many jobs in daycare and public school teaching as an adult, so I'm not the target audience for this book. The target audience are readers who are currently parenting children ages five and under.
As I read this book, I kept thinking that the parents who seem to have the hardest time with all of the self-shaming and shaming of others are the people who are not familiar with babies and young children before they become parents. The more responsibility you've had care-taking babies and young children before starting a family, the less acute stress and drama you probably have as a parent.
Good parenting is really hard work, and if your own parents weren't good ones, parenting is just that much more stressful.
And, as with any skill, no matter how good you are at performing it, there will always be more to learn. So much of my adult life has been spent performing childcare, and this book has a lot of great tips to help people get real about all the inherited "parenting advice" that was created with an agenda, especially corporate and/or religious agendas that people might or might not agree with.
I'd definitely recommend this book to any parent or child caretaker who wants to help free themselves from self-judgement and shame.
Five stars.
The book is full of self-help tips to help make parenting less stressful.
I'm not a parent, and I grew up parenting five younger siblings, a life skill that led to many jobs in daycare and public school teaching as an adult, so I'm not the target audience for this book. The target audience are readers who are currently parenting children ages five and under.
As I read this book, I kept thinking that the parents who seem to have the hardest time with all of the self-shaming and shaming of others are the people who are not familiar with babies and young children before they become parents. The more responsibility you've had care-taking babies and young children before starting a family, the less acute stress and drama you probably have as a parent.
Good parenting is really hard work, and if your own parents weren't good ones, parenting is just that much more stressful.
And, as with any skill, no matter how good you are at performing it, there will always be more to learn. So much of my adult life has been spent performing childcare, and this book has a lot of great tips to help people get real about all the inherited "parenting advice" that was created with an agenda, especially corporate and/or religious agendas that people might or might not agree with.
I'd definitely recommend this book to any parent or child caretaker who wants to help free themselves from self-judgement and shame.
Five stars.
February 10, 2020
Reassuring, wish I had this with my first baby! Highly recommend as a gift to new parents who are freaked out about doing everything "right." I like this even more than Emily Oster's CRIB SHEET.
April 15, 2020
If I didn't know better, I'd say Powers stole my idea. After reading about the development of "parenting" in Late Bloomers (Kaarlgard) and Normal Sucks (Mooney), I started to realize that part of the reason raising children is so hard these days is because parents place extraordinary expectations on themselves to be perfect. There are largely social reasons for this: parents want to give their kids the best possible opportunities for success given the various racial, economic, social and other constraints they may operate within. Parents want their children to rise to the top and try to navigate the onslaught of conflicting information to do so.
Powers takes a look at several hot topics, including breastfeeding, daycare and prenatal nutrition and examines the scientific literature. She essentially comes to the conclusion that if you're doing your best to be a loving, supportive parent, you're doing enough. She makes it clear that abuse, neglect and other traumas DO have the potential to "f*ck up your kid," but she also reminds readers that it's still possible for children to thrive despite their difficult childhoods (this is not an excuse to mistreat children, though!). Her writing style is clear and somewhat conversational.
I appreciate the way Powers looks not only at what the studies say, but also the cultural and historical context in which they were written. She argues that what may be "the right thing to do" for one set of parents may be (at best) unattainable or (at worst) damaging for another set of parents. If you (or someone you know) is an anxious parent, this book may help.
I received a review copy from NetGalley and this has not impacted my review.
Powers takes a look at several hot topics, including breastfeeding, daycare and prenatal nutrition and examines the scientific literature. She essentially comes to the conclusion that if you're doing your best to be a loving, supportive parent, you're doing enough. She makes it clear that abuse, neglect and other traumas DO have the potential to "f*ck up your kid," but she also reminds readers that it's still possible for children to thrive despite their difficult childhoods (this is not an excuse to mistreat children, though!). Her writing style is clear and somewhat conversational.
I appreciate the way Powers looks not only at what the studies say, but also the cultural and historical context in which they were written. She argues that what may be "the right thing to do" for one set of parents may be (at best) unattainable or (at worst) damaging for another set of parents. If you (or someone you know) is an anxious parent, this book may help.
I received a review copy from NetGalley and this has not impacted my review.
April 12, 2020
You Can't F*ck Up Your Kids by Lindsay Powers is not a manual on how to raise perfect children. It is a piece of advice on how to chill as parents and stop trying to do everything to raise the most perfect kids out there. This book is not about breaking the rules but about being comfortable and content as parents. Let the kids watch tv, eat a candy, go to the kindergarden or stay home, let them cry till they fall asleep or monitor their every breath. No matter what you do as the parents, your kids will be great if you pay them and their needs enough attention. Most importantly pay yourself, parents, enough attention. The author gives a great deal of examples from her personal experience and from the experience of a vast amount of parents.
I "ate" this book in a few days because it is a fun and easy read. And the best part is that you don't feel blamed as a parent, after reading this book, for something that you do or don't do. After reading the book I feel good enough to do exactly what i know is best for my kids.
I received #YouCan'tF*ckUpYourKids from #netgalley in return for my honest review.
I "ate" this book in a few days because it is a fun and easy read. And the best part is that you don't feel blamed as a parent, after reading this book, for something that you do or don't do. After reading the book I feel good enough to do exactly what i know is best for my kids.
I received #YouCan'tF*ckUpYourKids from #netgalley in return for my honest review.
February 11, 2020
All of the major "questionable" parenting decisions are RESEARCHED and those researchers are INTERVIEWED for further explanation by Lindsay Powers. Powers does the hard work weeding through the material in the parenting choices we make and demonstrates that very little will F up our kids. It was a very validating, fascinating and comforting read. I wish I had this to read along side the What to Expect parenting books in preparation to becoming a parent.
April 6, 2020
WOW!
I will buy this book for every expecting parent from this day forward. If you don't like the "f word" you should still read this book because sometimes it's just necessary. Lindsay Powers perfectly states, "I read all the books so you don't have to." What a blessing this book is going to be to so many trying to keep up with all of the advice, do the right thing, and not fuck up their kids.
#NoShameParenting movement.
From a mom who breastfed, co-sleeps, has no scheduled bedtime or routine, tries to maintain a healthy diet and tone of voice, then journals about all the guilt I feel when falling short.
I will buy this book for every expecting parent from this day forward. If you don't like the "f word" you should still read this book because sometimes it's just necessary. Lindsay Powers perfectly states, "I read all the books so you don't have to." What a blessing this book is going to be to so many trying to keep up with all of the advice, do the right thing, and not fuck up their kids.
#NoShameParenting movement.
From a mom who breastfed, co-sleeps, has no scheduled bedtime or routine, tries to maintain a healthy diet and tone of voice, then journals about all the guilt I feel when falling short.
March 31, 2020
This is the book that every parent needs to read. Warm, funny, reassuring and research-driven, Powers is like a smart and soothing friend who reminds you that you’re probably a much better parent than you think.
November 14, 2020
Pretty odd that Amazon placed it under People and Entertainment->Humour.
Anyway, I'd recommend the book to new parents; and in particular working moms.
Especially recommended for Asian mothers given a number of these myths that guilt trip parents are highly prevalent in Asia.
The first 4 chapters covered myths and facts of pregnancy and early newborn. Covering topics from whether one should drink alcohol and coffee during pregnancy, miscarriage to breast feeding and often debated topics on whether as a parent you should let your baby "cry it out" or placate them
Next 4 chapters are on toddlers e.g. childcare, screen time, disciplining and junk food. While the final 3 about being a family unit including the sex life of parents.
To summarize the key takeaways are:-
- Times have change; women are also breadwinners; don't get guilt trip or shamed into your decisions with your child as a working mum.
- Find a doctor that you can trust who can meet you half way emotionally as well as professionally. Don't listen to quacks or 'customs'; especially when it's not medically proven
- It's all about 'moderation'; just because the findings says you 'can' doesn't mean you should go crazy. There's always "pros" from the different approaches; and there's no magic bullet; it's what fits for you and your child, not what society compels you.
- It's all about 'consistency', 'repeatability' and 'routine' in creating order for the kid and disciplining.
Anyway, I'd recommend the book to new parents; and in particular working moms.
Especially recommended for Asian mothers given a number of these myths that guilt trip parents are highly prevalent in Asia.
The first 4 chapters covered myths and facts of pregnancy and early newborn. Covering topics from whether one should drink alcohol and coffee during pregnancy, miscarriage to breast feeding and often debated topics on whether as a parent you should let your baby "cry it out" or placate them
Next 4 chapters are on toddlers e.g. childcare, screen time, disciplining and junk food. While the final 3 about being a family unit including the sex life of parents.
To summarize the key takeaways are:-
- Times have change; women are also breadwinners; don't get guilt trip or shamed into your decisions with your child as a working mum.
- Find a doctor that you can trust who can meet you half way emotionally as well as professionally. Don't listen to quacks or 'customs'; especially when it's not medically proven
- It's all about 'moderation'; just because the findings says you 'can' doesn't mean you should go crazy. There's always "pros" from the different approaches; and there's no magic bullet; it's what fits for you and your child, not what society compels you.
- It's all about 'consistency', 'repeatability' and 'routine' in creating order for the kid and disciplining.
April 6, 2025
As the title suggests, the whole point of the book is to get you to relax a bit and not stress too much about making the perfect choice every time. Because the choices often have almost identical outcomes, and you invest a ton of time, money, and energy into one that is questionably slightly better but also not sustainable for you. Or you just stress for months about something that doesn't actually matter.
The book is organized into chapters by topic - such as breastfeeding, sleeping arrangements, and other aspects of childcare and parenthood. The author lays out people's varying stances on the subject, then examines their arguments and the research they cite, and cites additional research to paint a fuller picture. For example, the harm of consuming alcohol during pregnancy: in the most commonly cited study about its harms, 40% of participants drinking alcohol during pregnancy also took cocaine. So... you know.
I fully support the project of this book. I remember how lost and scared I was when my son was just born. I would have benefitted more from this book if I had read it then. Now that my son is over 1.5 years old, I am much more confident and relaxed anyway. So, I think this book was skippable for me at this point. But I'm not mad I read it.
The book is organized into chapters by topic - such as breastfeeding, sleeping arrangements, and other aspects of childcare and parenthood. The author lays out people's varying stances on the subject, then examines their arguments and the research they cite, and cites additional research to paint a fuller picture. For example, the harm of consuming alcohol during pregnancy: in the most commonly cited study about its harms, 40% of participants drinking alcohol during pregnancy also took cocaine. So... you know.
I fully support the project of this book. I remember how lost and scared I was when my son was just born. I would have benefitted more from this book if I had read it then. Now that my son is over 1.5 years old, I am much more confident and relaxed anyway. So, I think this book was skippable for me at this point. But I'm not mad I read it.
July 29, 2020
I hesitated to read any parenting books, but this one did not seem to be full of all the terror inducing worst case scenarios that other ones are. Instead of telling you how to raise your kids it presents all of the options to you along with pros and cons from people who have tested them in real life. It dispels all the favourite myths people love to use when they judge other parents. A very comforting read for someone who is about to be in charge of keeping a tiny human alive.
Read
February 2, 2024Despite my generally Type-A personality, it was reassuring that, only a few chapters in, I realized I did not need to read this book. I felt fine about all my parenting decisions. I kept thinking, "Maybe this is something I'll need to read later?" But 4 years later, I still don't. Yay?
May 16, 2022
I love the #Noshameparenting! It's time we stopped pressuring ourselves and everyone else to fit into the same box of socially perceived perfection! There is no one size fits all when it comes to parenting and we shouldn't all feel the need to parent the same, and we shouldn't judge others for choosing to parent in a way that is different from our own. Great book!
February 2, 2020
Good common sense advice to new parents. Using humor and behavioral examples, the author presents a guideline for parents to raise children without fear.
February 12, 2020
I was sent this book by the publisher, thank you!
This is a very interesting book. Basically parents can’t screw up there kids. Parents need to just relax and go with what’s best for their kids.
This is a very interesting book. Basically parents can’t screw up there kids. Parents need to just relax and go with what’s best for their kids.
December 8, 2020
This is....okay. While I agree with the fundamental message, I think one reason I was lukewarm towards this was that it didn't feel thematically coherent somehow. It is a combination of "dive into the evidence to see what it really says" a la Emily Oster but mixed with lots of anecdotal stories (i.e. a few interviews with moms who tried various sleeping strategies) and occasional historical dives.
I'm naturally disinclined to not care much about the anecdotal stuff -- though I acknowledge that many readers do like that kind of thing. But I think the lack of thematic coherence shows up in other ways too.
In some of the later chapters especially it seems like she strays further and further from the "Why It’s Okay to Break Most of the Pregnancy “Rules”" theme she started out with and just becomes fairly all-encompassing parenting advice.
The sections on breastfeeding versus formula, c-section versus natural birth, going to daycare versus stay at home parent fit well into her theme of "there's lots of conflicting advice but as long as do anything half way reasonable you're not going to fuck up your kids". But later sections like how to discipline your kids or cooking dinner or how much sex to have don't really fit that.
This book is definitely targeted at the anxious parent and calming those anxieties. If you're not anxious, you'll get less value from it. Some of the short takeaways that conclude each chapter are banal (though that's kind of her point): "Don't feel like you have to be your kid's best friend or that you have to resort to spanking right away." "Not every meal needs to be homecooked, perfectly balanced, or eaten with every member of the family present." "Kids can flourish in all sorts of family situations".
In the end, though I didn't feel like I learned enough from this to make it 4-stars for me.
I'm naturally disinclined to not care much about the anecdotal stuff -- though I acknowledge that many readers do like that kind of thing. But I think the lack of thematic coherence shows up in other ways too.
In some of the later chapters especially it seems like she strays further and further from the "Why It’s Okay to Break Most of the Pregnancy “Rules”" theme she started out with and just becomes fairly all-encompassing parenting advice.
The sections on breastfeeding versus formula, c-section versus natural birth, going to daycare versus stay at home parent fit well into her theme of "there's lots of conflicting advice but as long as do anything half way reasonable you're not going to fuck up your kids". But later sections like how to discipline your kids or cooking dinner or how much sex to have don't really fit that.
This book is definitely targeted at the anxious parent and calming those anxieties. If you're not anxious, you'll get less value from it. Some of the short takeaways that conclude each chapter are banal (though that's kind of her point): "Don't feel like you have to be your kid's best friend or that you have to resort to spanking right away." "Not every meal needs to be homecooked, perfectly balanced, or eaten with every member of the family present." "Kids can flourish in all sorts of family situations".
In the end, though I didn't feel like I learned enough from this to make it 4-stars for me.
March 29, 2020
Thanks to @atriabooks and @noshameparenting for my #gifted copy of You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids.
Y’all, if you want to read a book about parenting while in quarantine...read this one. Lindsay Powers is a longtime journalist and founded the #NoShameParenting movement, which has reached over 170 million people on social media (including me, before I discovered her book). Powers was tired of being told what she was doing wrong, so she created #NoShameParenting to remind parents everywhere that everything will be ok, and that they won’t f*ck up their kids.
Powers presents several well-thought out and researched arguments for pulling back as parents and relaxing. The chapters cover topics including feeding (at several ages), screen time, getting it on after kids, and more. She speaks with experts, cites research, and talks to you as if you are a close friend that she’s sitting with and sharing a bottle of wine. The arguments she presents are especially fitting right now, during quarantine and self-isolation. She presents all the sides of an issue, and ends each chapter with a quick “takeaway” that sums up the information that was presented.
Lastly, a HUGE aspect of this book that I love is that it appeals to everyone. I can’t speak to a lot of roles, but as a teacher, I would have read this. My husband isn’t opposed to reading it. And, if you have twins, you’ll feel included (sometimes, when you have multiples, it’s hard to see your life reflected in a parenting book).
You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids is out on Tuesday March 31st! Grab your coffee and this book, let your kids play together with the TV on, and take a little time for yourself.
Y’all, if you want to read a book about parenting while in quarantine...read this one. Lindsay Powers is a longtime journalist and founded the #NoShameParenting movement, which has reached over 170 million people on social media (including me, before I discovered her book). Powers was tired of being told what she was doing wrong, so she created #NoShameParenting to remind parents everywhere that everything will be ok, and that they won’t f*ck up their kids.
Powers presents several well-thought out and researched arguments for pulling back as parents and relaxing. The chapters cover topics including feeding (at several ages), screen time, getting it on after kids, and more. She speaks with experts, cites research, and talks to you as if you are a close friend that she’s sitting with and sharing a bottle of wine. The arguments she presents are especially fitting right now, during quarantine and self-isolation. She presents all the sides of an issue, and ends each chapter with a quick “takeaway” that sums up the information that was presented.
Lastly, a HUGE aspect of this book that I love is that it appeals to everyone. I can’t speak to a lot of roles, but as a teacher, I would have read this. My husband isn’t opposed to reading it. And, if you have twins, you’ll feel included (sometimes, when you have multiples, it’s hard to see your life reflected in a parenting book).
You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids is out on Tuesday March 31st! Grab your coffee and this book, let your kids play together with the TV on, and take a little time for yourself.
November 2, 2020
My Review: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher; the following is my honest review and opinion. I love a good parenting book, especially when they don't sugar coat how much your life changes and how difficult some things become. This is definitely a book I will be giving to new moms (at least the ones I know can handle it). I like how it really takes on the tone of no judgement, each chapter reviews several different methods a parent can use, all have their ups and downs, it does a nice job of breaking those down for you, but in the end it all boils down to no matter what just pick what works for you. So many subjects are covered, from feeding to sleeping, medical care to screen time, it is definitely a book to refer back to as needed for a first time parent. The author includes personal experience and even how drastically one child's needs can differ from another. My only complaint is that I didn't have the benefit of this book when my son was a baby, and I wish it was expanded more for as your kids get older because let me tell you, school aged kids bring a whole new realm of struggles and judgmental people.
September 5, 2022
3.5/5 stars rounded down. Physical book. I saw this one at the library and was intrigued. I've never been one to read parenting books, but this one was warmly written and offered really great advice. The rise of social media has led parents to become more judgmental over everything involving their children. Lindsay Powers takes the approach of not judging and doing the best for your child because, aside from abuse, neglect, starvation, and skipping vaccines you cannot fuck up your kid.
I liked that the author did good research for this book, but some of it felt a little boxed in. She writes from her perspective, which is a mother with a partner to help. While there is a whole chapter devoted to single mothers and other different family situations, it is written subtly keeping in mind that a family unit should be two people. I agree with this because I have this myself, but it's not realistic to think everyone does. Other than that, I learned a lot, mostly that social media is a cesspool and any parenting advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
I liked that the author did good research for this book, but some of it felt a little boxed in. She writes from her perspective, which is a mother with a partner to help. While there is a whole chapter devoted to single mothers and other different family situations, it is written subtly keeping in mind that a family unit should be two people. I agree with this because I have this myself, but it's not realistic to think everyone does. Other than that, I learned a lot, mostly that social media is a cesspool and any parenting advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
April 15, 2021
I wanted to read something that had a different central message than other parenting books. This really didn’t deliver in that regard. There are tidbits that are helpful and there are reminders to not be judgmental of others who have built their lives differently, whether in purpose or in response to circumstances, than our own.
In Powers’ reality, no matter how often she claims that we can’t fuck up our kids, she still believes we can. What I think she’s trying to say is that the presumed straight and narrow is much wider than we often assume. I jokingly summarized the book to my wife: “It’s like she’s saying that we don’t have to walk a razor thin line of parenting. It’s much more like walking on a fence! So much better!”
It is better. But that is a far-cry from stating that I can’t fuck up.
In Powers’ reality, no matter how often she claims that we can’t fuck up our kids, she still believes we can. What I think she’s trying to say is that the presumed straight and narrow is much wider than we often assume. I jokingly summarized the book to my wife: “It’s like she’s saying that we don’t have to walk a razor thin line of parenting. It’s much more like walking on a fence! So much better!”
It is better. But that is a far-cry from stating that I can’t fuck up.
July 4, 2020
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thanks!
Like many new parents, I’m a sucker for a good parenting book. Most books promise the secret to a full nights sleep, no tantrums, and more. This is not that book. In fact, it sets out to make you forget about those books and the anxiety they might make you feel about the “right” way to parent your child.
The premise of the book is “no-shame parenting” and each chapter focuses on a different aspect of motherhood and provides reassurances, back by studies, that there is no magic bullet to working, marriage, food, or behavior issues.
While this book was not revolutionary, it was a good reassurance. If you like Emily Oster books, you would probably like this one.
Like many new parents, I’m a sucker for a good parenting book. Most books promise the secret to a full nights sleep, no tantrums, and more. This is not that book. In fact, it sets out to make you forget about those books and the anxiety they might make you feel about the “right” way to parent your child.
The premise of the book is “no-shame parenting” and each chapter focuses on a different aspect of motherhood and provides reassurances, back by studies, that there is no magic bullet to working, marriage, food, or behavior issues.
While this book was not revolutionary, it was a good reassurance. If you like Emily Oster books, you would probably like this one.
October 2, 2024
This book covers a lot of the same ground as The Informed Parent: A Science-Based Resource for Your Child's First Four Years, but with a more personal, conversational approach. It's very helpful that Powers lays out the five things that CAN F*ck up your kids very early on in the book. It sets a very attainable bar!
It's really about a lot of the issues at the center of the debate for relatively privileged parents -- sleep training, nursing, staying home vs going back to work, etc. And reveals that getting bogged down with all these details is really a waste of time because kids with consistent, safe caregivers pretty much turn out okay. Good review of research and revelation of potential bias. Although I can't decide whether this book would have been helpful or threatening if I'd read it earlier in my parenting journey, when I had to hold fast to the "rightness" of my decisions for dear life out of fear that all this sacrifice and strife was for naught! Now that I have a little more experience and distance from those early years, though, I can say that I'm glad a balanced, nonjudgmental book like this exists.
It's really about a lot of the issues at the center of the debate for relatively privileged parents -- sleep training, nursing, staying home vs going back to work, etc. And reveals that getting bogged down with all these details is really a waste of time because kids with consistent, safe caregivers pretty much turn out okay. Good review of research and revelation of potential bias. Although I can't decide whether this book would have been helpful or threatening if I'd read it earlier in my parenting journey, when I had to hold fast to the "rightness" of my decisions for dear life out of fear that all this sacrifice and strife was for naught! Now that I have a little more experience and distance from those early years, though, I can say that I'm glad a balanced, nonjudgmental book like this exists.
December 26, 2020
This book served as a way to reassure parents to not stress the little stuff in parenting. This is a great message in our society of overanalyzing every parenting decision and feeling guilty that we aren't doing enough. However, I do take issue with the book's title. Because I think you can f*ck up your kids. Maybe not so that their whole life is ruined and that they can't repair it, but you can leave them with scars. Children can be left trying to make sense of the trauma, left sad, depressed, confused by the actions of their parents. The main focus of the book is saying as long as you don't abuse them, then you can't f*ck up your kids.
January 8, 2023
Where was this when I had my first baby 10 years ago?! I lived through so much mom guilt, judgements, and shame. Some of it downright traumatic.
My kids aren't toddlers anymore, so I found most of the content not applicable to my current family situation. However, I would definitely recommend this to new parents and those interested in starting a family. This book is easy to read, like she's giving you a pep talk. It's clear she's done a lot of research and presents it without slapping her opinion or shame for anyone's choices. It's practical and empowering for parents just starting their journeys and I really do wish this type of thinking/acceptance/parenting book was around sooner!
My kids aren't toddlers anymore, so I found most of the content not applicable to my current family situation. However, I would definitely recommend this to new parents and those interested in starting a family. This book is easy to read, like she's giving you a pep talk. It's clear she's done a lot of research and presents it without slapping her opinion or shame for anyone's choices. It's practical and empowering for parents just starting their journeys and I really do wish this type of thinking/acceptance/parenting book was around sooner!
February 17, 2020
There are only a handful or pregnancy/parenting books I recommend, and this is now one of them. Powers’ refreshing, heavily researched book on all the things we obsess over as parents are debunked and give you the confidence that you really can’t f*ck up your kids as long as you tend to their basic needs and offer them love, support, and your attention. In an era of Instagram & Pinterest perfection, this book is a much needed dose of reality of what parenting REALLY looks like, and how to embrace it fully.
January 15, 2024
This book would be helpful if it actually broke down the reality of parenting in 100 pages or less. Parenting can't be done in a right or wrong way. There are legal and compliance considerations and requirements that one should follow in order to keep their child. Outside of that, it is a game where you lose more often than you win. And that's the beauty of it all. Love your child, learn how to love them in a way they need, learn how to improve and love yourself better, and try to enjoy this journey we call life.
April 28, 2021
I wanted to like this book more. But my youngest is 9 years old. I listened to the breastfeeding bit and the cry it out bedtime stuff and at a certain point, I was like, is this only for babies and young kids? Yes. The answer is yes. I think I got about 75% through before moving on. I just don't care about the baby stuff anymore. This book seems like it would be good for someone who isn't confident in their parenting and just needs reassurance that their kids will turn out okay.
February 21, 2020
This book needed to be written! There is too much pressure on parents now to be perfect, and too much judgement. This book reminds you that it's okay to raise your kids how you want, to birth them how you want, to feed them how you want, etc. Don't let society make you feel bad about it. The author even backs this up with research to prove her point! If you are a parent, read this book!
March 31, 2020
When it comes to parenting books, I feel the advice comes with judgement! FINALLY, a parenting book with NO Judgement!! You Can’t F*ck Up Your Kids by Lindsay Powers give you a way of #noshameparenting. In today’s world, instead judging ourselves and others we need to enjoy our kids and all that comes with it!
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