What do you think?
Rate this book
13 months: Diary of a Caregiver's Grief
For therapist and instructor Jaye Tee, her grandmother had always been a source of comfort, the person she could turn to when she needed help.
As her grandmother grew older, their roles shifted. At first all the visits, appointments and errands seemed manageable, but her grandmother began to need more and more care. Jaye kept trying to adapt—only to find herself sinking into a pit of “caregiver quicksand,” barely able to keep up yet never feeling like she was doing enough.
In the end, Jaye was at her grandmother’s side for almost 15 years.
When her grandmother died, Jaye falsely believed that her training as a therapist would help her navigate this loss. The hospice that had provided support services toward the end of her grandmother’s life offered 13 months of grief counseling, and Jaye set out to take charge of her grief with a positive attitude and grieve “appropriately” throughout these months.
But she soon found grief doesn’t follow schedules or obey commands.
Her plan to “focus on the positive” derailed quickly into unrelenting nightmares, growing anxiety, a tendency to push away the people closest to her, and finally a sense of disconnect so strong Jaye felt like a stranger to herself. But in the end, help from unexpected directions and some surprising discoveries led her to a new way of thinking about grief—and remaining connected with her grandmother.
13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief follows Jaye’s journey through the messy, tangled landscape of grief and post-caregiver PTSD to the hope that lies beyond.
As her grandmother grew older, their roles shifted. At first all the visits, appointments and errands seemed manageable, but her grandmother began to need more and more care. Jaye kept trying to adapt—only to find herself sinking into a pit of “caregiver quicksand,” barely able to keep up yet never feeling like she was doing enough.
In the end, Jaye was at her grandmother’s side for almost 15 years.
When her grandmother died, Jaye falsely believed that her training as a therapist would help her navigate this loss. The hospice that had provided support services toward the end of her grandmother’s life offered 13 months of grief counseling, and Jaye set out to take charge of her grief with a positive attitude and grieve “appropriately” throughout these months.
But she soon found grief doesn’t follow schedules or obey commands.
Her plan to “focus on the positive” derailed quickly into unrelenting nightmares, growing anxiety, a tendency to push away the people closest to her, and finally a sense of disconnect so strong Jaye felt like a stranger to herself. But in the end, help from unexpected directions and some surprising discoveries led her to a new way of thinking about grief—and remaining connected with her grandmother.
13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief follows Jaye’s journey through the messy, tangled landscape of grief and post-caregiver PTSD to the hope that lies beyond.
96 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 6, 2019
4 people want to read
About the author
Jaye Tee
2 books3 followersJaye Tee received her master’s degree in counseling and has spent nearly 20 years in the fields of mental health and addiction as a therapist, supervisor and instructor.
Throughout much of that time she also acted as a caregiver for her grandmother and found her caregiving role steadily increased as her grandmother’s aging, dementia and various medical conditions worsened—a scenario no doubt familiar to many.
After her grandmother’s death, Jaye found herself lost in the despair of mourning, unable to make sense of what she was experiencing. She soon started to question everything she’d been taught about grieving and began to search for a more humane approach to understanding the complexities of grief after caregiving, as well as ways to heal after loss. She wrote 13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief as a way to advocate for caregivers in all varieties, and those struggling with bereavement in its many forms.
Throughout much of that time she also acted as a caregiver for her grandmother and found her caregiving role steadily increased as her grandmother’s aging, dementia and various medical conditions worsened—a scenario no doubt familiar to many.
After her grandmother’s death, Jaye found herself lost in the despair of mourning, unable to make sense of what she was experiencing. She soon started to question everything she’d been taught about grieving and began to search for a more humane approach to understanding the complexities of grief after caregiving, as well as ways to heal after loss. She wrote 13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief as a way to advocate for caregivers in all varieties, and those struggling with bereavement in its many forms.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
December 21, 2019
5 stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
The author Jaye Tee was able to describe the grief process in words I couldn't define when going through the loss of my father. Reading this book brought tears to my eyes. It also brought acceptance to the many emotions I felt when being a caregiver or witnessed others provide care for a loved one. I now understood the roller coaster of back and forth emotions when dealing with grief.
This book is tremendously insightful, a written symphony for the world to hear.
The author Jaye Tee was able to describe the grief process in words I couldn't define when going through the loss of my father. Reading this book brought tears to my eyes. It also brought acceptance to the many emotions I felt when being a caregiver or witnessed others provide care for a loved one. I now understood the roller coaster of back and forth emotions when dealing with grief.
This book is tremendously insightful, a written symphony for the world to hear.
December 21, 2019
I recently lost my father. My wife was adamant about me reading this book to understand my grieving process and to find out ways to accept when people were trying to help and said "oh well he was 93 years old." But... he was my father.
This book is awe-inspiring and has helped me tremendously. I will gift away to the many who like me who cared for a loved one and mourn their loss.
This book is awe-inspiring and has helped me tremendously. I will gift away to the many who like me who cared for a loved one and mourn their loss.
January 11, 2020
Death is as natural as birth
I perfectly identified myself with the author's feelings, as I have experienced the death of my parents. To understand that grieving is normal, and that it is a lengthy process, it is not an easy task.
The book literally make you feel that you are not alone.
I perfectly identified myself with the author's feelings, as I have experienced the death of my parents. To understand that grieving is normal, and that it is a lengthy process, it is not an easy task.
The book literally make you feel that you are not alone.
November 15, 2021
A must-read for caregivers!
13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief is an intimate view of self reflection, and the willingness to let grief be a transformative experience toward a richer life. We are invited into the heart of the author’s relationship with her grandmother, the choices she makes, and the love they share. All the while, told from the inner workings of Jaye’s experience of grief, her expectations, and how she grapples with and comes to terms with the loss not only of her grandmother, but loss of who she used to be, and the way it informs her life and choices going forward. One thing I especially appreciate was her portrayal of how caregiving can be a mutual exchange of presence that enriches both parties.
Because of her very intimate experience of being willing to be present, first while giving care, and then to the way grief showed up after the passing of this woman she had devoted so many years of love and care to, Jaye brings forth a path that unfolds as we have the courage to walk upon it, one day, one moment, at a time.
13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief is an intimate view of self reflection, and the willingness to let grief be a transformative experience toward a richer life. We are invited into the heart of the author’s relationship with her grandmother, the choices she makes, and the love they share. All the while, told from the inner workings of Jaye’s experience of grief, her expectations, and how she grapples with and comes to terms with the loss not only of her grandmother, but loss of who she used to be, and the way it informs her life and choices going forward. One thing I especially appreciate was her portrayal of how caregiving can be a mutual exchange of presence that enriches both parties.
Because of her very intimate experience of being willing to be present, first while giving care, and then to the way grief showed up after the passing of this woman she had devoted so many years of love and care to, Jaye brings forth a path that unfolds as we have the courage to walk upon it, one day, one moment, at a time.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews