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We Need To Talk: A Memoir About Wealth
"We Need to Talk: A Memoir About Wealth gives voice to an experience millions share, but no one discusses: what it's like to be rich. The book is an honest, personal story that explores the hidden impact of wealth on identity, relationships, and sense of place in the world. Too often, we link net-worth to self-worth and keep quiet about how our finances make us feel. Money is a taboo subject. The author hopes We Need to Talk becomes a catalyst for conversation that demystifies wealth, gets us talking on a personal level, and confirms we are ninety-nine percent the same. In 1991, at twenty-six years old, Jennifer took a job at Microsoft and got lucky. She met her future husband, David, and the stock options she was granted were worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. His were worth far more. Years later, when David joined a small, unknown start-up called Amazon.com, she got lucky again. They both did. They were in their early thirties and had tens of millions of dollars. It was amazing. The freedom and benefits were obvious. But after growing up saving her pennies and being wary of the rich, Jennifer was embarrassed to have joined their ranks. She wasn't worried about being liked for her money, she was worried about being hated for it. People looked at her differently. She didn't know how to ensure her children stayed motivated and not entitled, was shocked when a friend asked for $25,000, discovered philanthropy isn't as straightforward as just writing a check, and grappled with the meaning of enough. For years, she didn't share her dilemmas with others for fear of being judged. No one talks about money-but we should"--
280 pages, Hardcover
First published September 15, 2020
78 people are currently reading
1398 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Risher
1 book31 followersJennifer Risher was born in Seattle, Washington, grew up in Oregon, and graduated from Connecticut College. She joined Microsoft in 1991 where she worked as a recruiter and then as a product manager. She and her husband, David, have two daughters and live in San Francisco, where David is CEO of Worldreader, a nonprofit he cofounded with a mission to create a world where everyone is a reader. In May, 2020 Jennifer and David launched the #HalfMyDAF challenge to inspire more giving. We Need to Talk is Jennifer’s first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 137 reviews
September 23, 2022
I found this memoir an interesting foray into the lives of the wealthy. I appreciate Jennifer Risher’s willingness to write in-depth about being rich and the complicated emotions that that experience can elicit. In addition to delving into a topic that is still not talked about too openly, the memoir is overall well-written, readable, and generally self-aware.
At the same time, I thought Risher could have explored a lot deeper, both personally and politically. On a personal level, I wanted more interrogation of what money means. For example, at one point she writes with great honesty about her conflicting emotions when she realized she wanted a bigger diamond wedding ring after having grown up middle-class. I wished she had explored more about the emotional current underlying the desire for a ring, about how people are conditioned to project security onto material objects (I think of Caroline Knapp’s Appetites when she writes that consumerism fills emotional voids.) I also found it odd that Risher did not examine her white privilege and her husband’s privilege as a light-skinned biracial man.
I also wanted more from a political level. Risher mentions that she supports wealth redistribution a couple of times in this memoir, I think once at the beginning and once toward the end – yet she doesn’t write about what that looks like in a more extensive way. I felt curious too about how she writes that she and her husband made their fortune through her husband working at Amazon, though she doesn’t unpack the ethical implications of that given reports of Amazon’s mistreatment of employees. Finally, I wished she had written more about the overarching political issue of: how can we live in a world where some have literally so much and others have close to nothing?
My final critique: intermittently throughout the book and especially toward the end, Risher engages in a thought process that comes across as “rich people are people too and we have problems too.” While I understand that rich people can and do have problems and that rich people aren’t a monolith, the persistent emphasis of this point did strike me as similar to “not all men are bad people” or “not all white people are bad people.” This idea strikes me as a deflection from the real issue at hand, which is a matter of wealth inequity. Sure, rich people can face challenges in their lives, though I’m more interested in how we can reduce the needless excessive suffering of those who don’t have financial resources to begin with.
Anyway, I did find this an enjoyable read despite these critiques and clearly the book elicited reactions from me.
At the same time, I thought Risher could have explored a lot deeper, both personally and politically. On a personal level, I wanted more interrogation of what money means. For example, at one point she writes with great honesty about her conflicting emotions when she realized she wanted a bigger diamond wedding ring after having grown up middle-class. I wished she had explored more about the emotional current underlying the desire for a ring, about how people are conditioned to project security onto material objects (I think of Caroline Knapp’s Appetites when she writes that consumerism fills emotional voids.) I also found it odd that Risher did not examine her white privilege and her husband’s privilege as a light-skinned biracial man.
I also wanted more from a political level. Risher mentions that she supports wealth redistribution a couple of times in this memoir, I think once at the beginning and once toward the end – yet she doesn’t write about what that looks like in a more extensive way. I felt curious too about how she writes that she and her husband made their fortune through her husband working at Amazon, though she doesn’t unpack the ethical implications of that given reports of Amazon’s mistreatment of employees. Finally, I wished she had written more about the overarching political issue of: how can we live in a world where some have literally so much and others have close to nothing?
My final critique: intermittently throughout the book and especially toward the end, Risher engages in a thought process that comes across as “rich people are people too and we have problems too.” While I understand that rich people can and do have problems and that rich people aren’t a monolith, the persistent emphasis of this point did strike me as similar to “not all men are bad people” or “not all white people are bad people.” This idea strikes me as a deflection from the real issue at hand, which is a matter of wealth inequity. Sure, rich people can face challenges in their lives, though I’m more interested in how we can reduce the needless excessive suffering of those who don’t have financial resources to begin with.
Anyway, I did find this an enjoyable read despite these critiques and clearly the book elicited reactions from me.
September 22, 2020
This book is one of the most tone deaf things I've read in a while. I can solve all your wealth problems in a few seconds, donate all of your money immediately. Wow, doesn't that feel better, now you're normal again with none of the problems of wealth. If you're too scared to be normal or poor, just tell people you made a bad investment and move into a two bedroom apartment and drive a mid-range car. That way you can keep your money and not tell anyone. If you really want normal people to feel bad for you, the least you could do is lower the price for this thing and make it accessible; $27 for a hardcover and $13 for a digital copy is simply laughable and shows how out of touch you are.
September 23, 2020
I'm not giving this book 5 stars because I'm friends with Jennifer and David, who I met through their amazing work at WorldReader.org. Though if I do have a criticism of the book, it's that it doesn't talk enough about everything that organization has done and is doing, helping kids all over the world get sucked into the magic of reading good books.
But I liked this book for two reasons: The first is that it was fascinating to learn more about their journey and how they handled it. The second is that it's bold - but I think important - to talk about wealth. Wealth is not glitzy, and it doesn't make you happy - but I think most people have the opposite impressions.
I also fully agree with this:
"Relationships and social connections, not money, were found to make people the happiest. Generosity was key as well. When given money to spend on themselves or on others, those who spent on others reported feeling happier than those who spent on themselves."
But I liked this book for two reasons: The first is that it was fascinating to learn more about their journey and how they handled it. The second is that it's bold - but I think important - to talk about wealth. Wealth is not glitzy, and it doesn't make you happy - but I think most people have the opposite impressions.
I also fully agree with this:
"Relationships and social connections, not money, were found to make people the happiest. Generosity was key as well. When given money to spend on themselves or on others, those who spent on others reported feeling happier than those who spent on themselves."
September 21, 2020
I'm giving this book five stars not because Jennifer's my wife (which she is), not because she's amazing (which she is), and not because I watched her invest 14 years of her life and suffer through countlesss rejections and revisions (she did, to both.)
I'm giving the book five stars because it's funny, poignant, honest, and most of all important. It shines light on our last taboo subject-- one that matters maybe more than ever: the way we deal with wealth. You may not agree with how she has handled her wealth, but you'll appreciate her willingness to share her journey. Hopefully the result is that we're all more able to talk and connect as a result.
I'm giving the book five stars because it's funny, poignant, honest, and most of all important. It shines light on our last taboo subject-- one that matters maybe more than ever: the way we deal with wealth. You may not agree with how she has handled her wealth, but you'll appreciate her willingness to share her journey. Hopefully the result is that we're all more able to talk and connect as a result.
November 8, 2019
I wanted to like this book - the premise was interesting enough to download it (Edelweiss+). The memoir is basically the author's journey into the world of affluence and her coming to terms with it over the course of many decades. She seems like a nice person who really wants to help people, but being a nice person does not necessarily mean your solutions are the right ones. To her credit, she does raise completely valid points surrounding the discussion of wealth in the lives of upper-middle-class or lower-high-class families. The chapter regarding the financial legacy for the next generation(s) was particularly poignant.
However, like many wealthy folks, the author falls into the trap of thinking that throwing enough money at it will solve the problem of socio-economic inequity. The entire narrative seems like an endeavor to relieve a feeling of guilt.
I am giving this book 2 stars out of 5 not due to any animosity towards the author, but rather to display my skepticism towards the subject matter, and the solutions proposed, whether implicitly or otherwise.
However, like many wealthy folks, the author falls into the trap of thinking that throwing enough money at it will solve the problem of socio-economic inequity. The entire narrative seems like an endeavor to relieve a feeling of guilt.
I am giving this book 2 stars out of 5 not due to any animosity towards the author, but rather to display my skepticism towards the subject matter, and the solutions proposed, whether implicitly or otherwise.
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October 13, 2020Full disclosure: I know Jen and David personally and I'm on the board of David's excellent nonprofit Worldreader. Please check it out. The mission is to help kids get addicted to reading and we work with children all over the globe.
That being said, I think Jen has done an admirable job attacking a subject that is incredibly sensitive for people on all sides of the spectrum.
I also really enjoyed learning about how they came together and their life trajectory. I can't wait to someday see them in person again and ask them more questions!
That being said, I think Jen has done an admirable job attacking a subject that is incredibly sensitive for people on all sides of the spectrum.
I also really enjoyed learning about how they came together and their life trajectory. I can't wait to someday see them in person again and ask them more questions!
September 15, 2020
This is the most out of touch thing ive ever seen
September 28, 2020
I’m very interested in the emotions, taboos, and practices surrounding money, so I read this book, and found it compelling, yet disagreeable.
The author (who, along with her husband, became tech millionaires) spends a good deal of time explaining how initially conflicted, but ultimately comfortable she became spending money on luxuries and household help, private jets, a large diamond, second house, private schools, and $2,500 purses, etc. Congratulations.
All the while, I’m thinking about her carbon footprint and what a huge amount of resources this one small family is consuming. Just because you can spend money on excess, doesn’t mean you should.
On finding the author now lives in smoke choked San Francisco, I wonder if the author is re-thinking some of the environmentally unfriendly practices of the rich. Not once is that brought up.
I also wonder, if given that much of the source of their fortune is Amazon, how much of that money was built on the backs of low wage warehouse workers? How many small businesses were shuttered, unable to compete with Amazon?
While a component of the weird dynamics of wealth is inequality within families, her anecdotes on giving family members money seem self-congratulatory. I wonder what the recipients feel about it. Also, it is distasteful to blow one’s own horn about how charitable one is.
Kudos to the author and her husband for their generosity and philanthropy, but the yawning chasm of wealth inequality will not be solved by personal gifts, rather, wealth redistribution and taxing the rich more — a point the author does make in the epilogue.
This book does bring up a lot of taboo societal questions about wealth that I’ve not seen dealt with, and will begin a lot of important conversations. It’s entertaining, breezy, and truthful to the author’s experience. But I can’t help but think that what enabled her and her husband’s immense wealth is an obscene system that is corrupts personal integrity and destroys our planet.
The author (who, along with her husband, became tech millionaires) spends a good deal of time explaining how initially conflicted, but ultimately comfortable she became spending money on luxuries and household help, private jets, a large diamond, second house, private schools, and $2,500 purses, etc. Congratulations.
All the while, I’m thinking about her carbon footprint and what a huge amount of resources this one small family is consuming. Just because you can spend money on excess, doesn’t mean you should.
On finding the author now lives in smoke choked San Francisco, I wonder if the author is re-thinking some of the environmentally unfriendly practices of the rich. Not once is that brought up.
I also wonder, if given that much of the source of their fortune is Amazon, how much of that money was built on the backs of low wage warehouse workers? How many small businesses were shuttered, unable to compete with Amazon?
While a component of the weird dynamics of wealth is inequality within families, her anecdotes on giving family members money seem self-congratulatory. I wonder what the recipients feel about it. Also, it is distasteful to blow one’s own horn about how charitable one is.
Kudos to the author and her husband for their generosity and philanthropy, but the yawning chasm of wealth inequality will not be solved by personal gifts, rather, wealth redistribution and taxing the rich more — a point the author does make in the epilogue.
This book does bring up a lot of taboo societal questions about wealth that I’ve not seen dealt with, and will begin a lot of important conversations. It’s entertaining, breezy, and truthful to the author’s experience. But I can’t help but think that what enabled her and her husband’s immense wealth is an obscene system that is corrupts personal integrity and destroys our planet.
May 4, 2024
I wish with every fiber of my being that I could remember who recommended this book so I could lose any respect I had for them. There were so many things that I can imagine I’d prefer to reading this book about a whining rich lady, like playing in traffic or getting a massage with sandpaper. All I kept asking myself throughout this book was, “Who the hell is this book written for?”
I’m going to do my best to not write an essay about this book, but please bear with me.
Jennifer Risher is a multimillionaire that I guess you’d call “new money”. She grew up with humble beginnings, but she clearly always cared about money. She lucked out working at Microsoft in the early 90s and married a guy from Microsoft who got hired at Amazon right before it blew up. They were worth a few million when he went to Amazon, and after Amazon went public, they were worth about $40 million.
This book is a memoir from Jennifer discussing how tough it is being rich. One of the few good things about this book is she is ridiculously honest throughout the book, but I think her self-awareness is lacking. The author keeps trying to socially signal that she feels guilty about her money while simultaneously flaunting her wealth, embracing overconsumption, and whining about what her husband did or didn’t buy.
It starts with the engagement ring and her obsessing about how the diamond wasn’t big enough until she finally is in tears and tells him she wants a more expensive ring. After having a child, she says she feels guilty about hiring a cleaner. Then, after the second child, she says she feels guilty about hiring a nanny for their home and as they travel the world. After that, she feels guilty about no longer cooking and hiring a chef for the house.
There are so many disgusting displays of wealth throughout this book, that I couldn’t list them all when I tried. They take private jets and then she gets concerned about her kids not being “grounded” after a conversation in a car that they don’t drive because they hired a driver. They no longer take a private jet with their kids, but they keep taking private jets for their day-long trips and fly first class around the world with the children.
For the life of me, I just can’t understand how someone who didn’t come from money can become this disconnected from reality. Then, at the end of the book, this woman has the audacity to discuss the Occupy Wall Street movement and how people shouldn’t stereotype the rich after she literally wrote an entire book about being a rich person stereotype.
Again, who the hell is this book for?
The only people I can think of is rich people or people hoping to be rich. For rich people, this book will help them feel less bad about hoarding their wealth and over-consuming while so many people have so little. Then, there are the delusional people who read this and think they’re somehow going to join the 1% and need this as a training manual for how to get used to being disgustingly rich.
One of the only other good things about this book is the chapter on charitable giving. It’s cool that they give, but even in this chapter, she’s aware that it has selfish motives. And it’s hard to give rich people like this kudos when they’re donating thousands here and there while also spending millions on ridiculous things they don’t need.
I almost forgot, at the end of the book, she tries to separate herself from the “ultra-wealthy”. She explains that “not all rich people are like the Kardashians”, further plunging her into the stereotype of filthy rich people who don’t consider themselves rich because someone has more money than them.
Am I glad I read this book? Absolutely. It fed me a delicious meal of confirmation bias about how awful rich people are. I guess it’s a little sad knowing that even people who came from nothing can become the absolute worst. I guess, fortunately, not many of us will ever have the opportunity to be come as awful as this author.
I’m going to do my best to not write an essay about this book, but please bear with me.
Jennifer Risher is a multimillionaire that I guess you’d call “new money”. She grew up with humble beginnings, but she clearly always cared about money. She lucked out working at Microsoft in the early 90s and married a guy from Microsoft who got hired at Amazon right before it blew up. They were worth a few million when he went to Amazon, and after Amazon went public, they were worth about $40 million.
This book is a memoir from Jennifer discussing how tough it is being rich. One of the few good things about this book is she is ridiculously honest throughout the book, but I think her self-awareness is lacking. The author keeps trying to socially signal that she feels guilty about her money while simultaneously flaunting her wealth, embracing overconsumption, and whining about what her husband did or didn’t buy.
It starts with the engagement ring and her obsessing about how the diamond wasn’t big enough until she finally is in tears and tells him she wants a more expensive ring. After having a child, she says she feels guilty about hiring a cleaner. Then, after the second child, she says she feels guilty about hiring a nanny for their home and as they travel the world. After that, she feels guilty about no longer cooking and hiring a chef for the house.
There are so many disgusting displays of wealth throughout this book, that I couldn’t list them all when I tried. They take private jets and then she gets concerned about her kids not being “grounded” after a conversation in a car that they don’t drive because they hired a driver. They no longer take a private jet with their kids, but they keep taking private jets for their day-long trips and fly first class around the world with the children.
For the life of me, I just can’t understand how someone who didn’t come from money can become this disconnected from reality. Then, at the end of the book, this woman has the audacity to discuss the Occupy Wall Street movement and how people shouldn’t stereotype the rich after she literally wrote an entire book about being a rich person stereotype.
Again, who the hell is this book for?
The only people I can think of is rich people or people hoping to be rich. For rich people, this book will help them feel less bad about hoarding their wealth and over-consuming while so many people have so little. Then, there are the delusional people who read this and think they’re somehow going to join the 1% and need this as a training manual for how to get used to being disgustingly rich.
One of the only other good things about this book is the chapter on charitable giving. It’s cool that they give, but even in this chapter, she’s aware that it has selfish motives. And it’s hard to give rich people like this kudos when they’re donating thousands here and there while also spending millions on ridiculous things they don’t need.
I almost forgot, at the end of the book, she tries to separate herself from the “ultra-wealthy”. She explains that “not all rich people are like the Kardashians”, further plunging her into the stereotype of filthy rich people who don’t consider themselves rich because someone has more money than them.
Am I glad I read this book? Absolutely. It fed me a delicious meal of confirmation bias about how awful rich people are. I guess it’s a little sad knowing that even people who came from nothing can become the absolute worst. I guess, fortunately, not many of us will ever have the opportunity to be come as awful as this author.
June 3, 2024
I suggested this book as a joke, but I’m glad we read it for book club. And I like that there will now be a disproportionate amount of reviews for this book from Saskatchewan lol
I thought the beginning was pretty relatable. The transition from being a broke college student, to getting your first “real” job can be confusing. I’ve been facing similar feelings to the author over the last two years. The way I spend money has changed and my attachment to money has changed - I don’t always pick the cheapest option anymore, I tip more generously, I don’t get down on myself for wanting to buy things that aren’t “necessities”. I liked that the book gave me opportunity to reflect on this part of my life.
The rest of the book was very not relatable and I think lacked a lot of perspective and gratitude. In my current financial situation, I have a lot more money than what I grew up with. And I agree with the author that’s it can be uncomfortable to face your family and friends. I can feel my parents’ judgement in the way I spend my money and how I live my life. But I don’t let it get to me. I’m not gonna whine for 300 pages about it. The discomfort is so minuscule compared to the gratitude I have for my education and my career. I have friends that are in similar positions to me, so I don’t feel lonely. I have friends with more money so my head doesn’t grow too big. And I have friends with less so I know that I’m incredibly fortunate. Maybe I’ve managed to find the perfect goldilocks level of wealth, but I really think I just have more perspective and more gratitude. I have no real problems in my life, and neither does the author.
I thought the beginning was pretty relatable. The transition from being a broke college student, to getting your first “real” job can be confusing. I’ve been facing similar feelings to the author over the last two years. The way I spend money has changed and my attachment to money has changed - I don’t always pick the cheapest option anymore, I tip more generously, I don’t get down on myself for wanting to buy things that aren’t “necessities”. I liked that the book gave me opportunity to reflect on this part of my life.
The rest of the book was very not relatable and I think lacked a lot of perspective and gratitude. In my current financial situation, I have a lot more money than what I grew up with. And I agree with the author that’s it can be uncomfortable to face your family and friends. I can feel my parents’ judgement in the way I spend my money and how I live my life. But I don’t let it get to me. I’m not gonna whine for 300 pages about it. The discomfort is so minuscule compared to the gratitude I have for my education and my career. I have friends that are in similar positions to me, so I don’t feel lonely. I have friends with more money so my head doesn’t grow too big. And I have friends with less so I know that I’m incredibly fortunate. Maybe I’ve managed to find the perfect goldilocks level of wealth, but I really think I just have more perspective and more gratitude. I have no real problems in my life, and neither does the author.
October 5, 2019
*I received a free copy of We Need to Talk: A Memoir about Wealth. This has in no way influenced my review which is honest and unbiased.*
I agree that it's important to talk about money. And to find a way to maybe balance the riches better than it is right now. I liked that there was talk about stock-options, and the feeling of not necessarily being deserving of all that money that appeared quite suddenly. It was interesting to see all the different questions Jennifer asked herself about the money. How to deal with being wealthy, what new 'rules' to play by, and how to understand that different part of the world better.
Also, showing readers that everybody has problems that money can't solve in any way is an important message in my opinion. I think it's easy to look at someone from the outside and think their lives are perfect. Because they have this or that, or because they're wealthy, or because they love their job. But perfect lives are just an illusion.
However, I found the writing to be simplistic, and a bit naïve in places. The way the time-line jumped between the past and the present, then even to the future was also confusing at times. I also didn't really like the tone of some of the chapters, nor the questions that were at the end of each chapter. They felt a little patronizing to me, which I'm sure was not the intention at all.
Overall, a good memoire, with interesting takes on work, gender roles, and wealth. And how to deal with it all.
I agree that it's important to talk about money. And to find a way to maybe balance the riches better than it is right now. I liked that there was talk about stock-options, and the feeling of not necessarily being deserving of all that money that appeared quite suddenly. It was interesting to see all the different questions Jennifer asked herself about the money. How to deal with being wealthy, what new 'rules' to play by, and how to understand that different part of the world better.
Also, showing readers that everybody has problems that money can't solve in any way is an important message in my opinion. I think it's easy to look at someone from the outside and think their lives are perfect. Because they have this or that, or because they're wealthy, or because they love their job. But perfect lives are just an illusion.
However, I found the writing to be simplistic, and a bit naïve in places. The way the time-line jumped between the past and the present, then even to the future was also confusing at times. I also didn't really like the tone of some of the chapters, nor the questions that were at the end of each chapter. They felt a little patronizing to me, which I'm sure was not the intention at all.
Overall, a good memoire, with interesting takes on work, gender roles, and wealth. And how to deal with it all.
January 10, 2021
3.5 stars rounded up
I'm always fascinated with reading about how people view money, and how their views change (or don't) over time. This book is definitely a memoir, not an analysis, so those expecting more policy than just "tax the rich more" will be disappointed.
This was a fun, interesting read for me, particularly because the author is formerly local to where I live. She and her husband worked at Microsoft in the 90s, gaining some modest wealth from stock options, but then her husband got into Amazon as a VP on the ground floor and their net worth exploded. The culture of paying employees with stock vests or options and all the luck or unluckiness that comes with the timing of the stock valuations/vests is still very much alive in Seattle, and it was fascinating to see the earlier days of it. This phenomenon is best described by one of her stories about a coworker who started work on the same day she did. But, because the coworker had accepted his offer (and thus had his options valued earlier), he got lucky with a stock split and made twice as much as the author did because of it.
One of the biggest criticisms I've seen about this book on Goodreads is that the author is out of touch. Well, duh, that's the point. The book is literally a story about how her family came into huge sums of money through her husband's work at Amazon, and the story of how she fell into the "expectations" of the wealthy. It's easy for me to say "Wow, I can't believe she would start buying designer clothes" but the truth of the matter is that I really don't care about clothes all that much. Sure, I have preferences, but Fashion with a capital F has never been my thing. I can say with confidence that if I got $20 million dollars tomorrow, I would not start buying designer handbags. But, that's my own value judgment. I know people who if they got $20 million dollars tomorrow would be THRILLED to be able to buy higher-end clothing.
People all come with their own values, judgments, biases, and internal thought processes about money. What seems extravagant, or on the opposite end, cheap to one person is going to be different for another. So I think it's good that the author explored her own changes in attitudes about money after getting a lot of it, if for no other reason than because it made for an entertaining book for me!
I'm always fascinated with reading about how people view money, and how their views change (or don't) over time. This book is definitely a memoir, not an analysis, so those expecting more policy than just "tax the rich more" will be disappointed.
This was a fun, interesting read for me, particularly because the author is formerly local to where I live. She and her husband worked at Microsoft in the 90s, gaining some modest wealth from stock options, but then her husband got into Amazon as a VP on the ground floor and their net worth exploded. The culture of paying employees with stock vests or options and all the luck or unluckiness that comes with the timing of the stock valuations/vests is still very much alive in Seattle, and it was fascinating to see the earlier days of it. This phenomenon is best described by one of her stories about a coworker who started work on the same day she did. But, because the coworker had accepted his offer (and thus had his options valued earlier), he got lucky with a stock split and made twice as much as the author did because of it.
One of the biggest criticisms I've seen about this book on Goodreads is that the author is out of touch. Well, duh, that's the point. The book is literally a story about how her family came into huge sums of money through her husband's work at Amazon, and the story of how she fell into the "expectations" of the wealthy. It's easy for me to say "Wow, I can't believe she would start buying designer clothes" but the truth of the matter is that I really don't care about clothes all that much. Sure, I have preferences, but Fashion with a capital F has never been my thing. I can say with confidence that if I got $20 million dollars tomorrow, I would not start buying designer handbags. But, that's my own value judgment. I know people who if they got $20 million dollars tomorrow would be THRILLED to be able to buy higher-end clothing.
People all come with their own values, judgments, biases, and internal thought processes about money. What seems extravagant, or on the opposite end, cheap to one person is going to be different for another. So I think it's good that the author explored her own changes in attitudes about money after getting a lot of it, if for no other reason than because it made for an entertaining book for me!
November 11, 2020
I would imagine that this was a hard book to write. Hard to put yourself and your family's fortune out there and thus be vulnerable to the snarky criticisms, and hard to find the right tone to share your story honestly and compellingly, with the understanding that not all readers will come from the same place of privilege. Risher's seems to be a story that will resonate most strongly for those in similar circumstances of lucking into tech or other wealth, but her writing is so honest that I very much enjoyed it, too, even from my place of more modest means.
I feel like a lot of the one-star reviews demonstrate that we DO need talk. People are people, and our country can't keep demonizing the 'other' among us. Is income inequality a problem? Absolutely, and Risher wholeheartedly agrees. But don't blame her that she doesn't have the answer to that massive systemic issue in a book like this. I give her and her husband credit for doing what they can through philanthropy and leading by example in that sphere. With their nonprofit and other giving initiatives, they seem to be doing a fair amount more to chip away at that inequality than most of similar means.
I feel like a lot of the one-star reviews demonstrate that we DO need talk. People are people, and our country can't keep demonizing the 'other' among us. Is income inequality a problem? Absolutely, and Risher wholeheartedly agrees. But don't blame her that she doesn't have the answer to that massive systemic issue in a book like this. I give her and her husband credit for doing what they can through philanthropy and leading by example in that sphere. With their nonprofit and other giving initiatives, they seem to be doing a fair amount more to chip away at that inequality than most of similar means.
July 25, 2021
5stars not because she’s my daughter but because the book is a fascinating look at the complexity of wealth
December 2, 2020
Disclaimer: I am not rich. But this book gave me incredible insight on my relationship with money. An inevitable relationship for all of us. One that can be baffling and challenging to navigate.
The author provides questions prompting thoughtful contemplation to the readers individual experience, regardless of wealth status. That and her detailed accounts of events made this book hard to put down for me! Definitely recommend!
The author provides questions prompting thoughtful contemplation to the readers individual experience, regardless of wealth status. That and her detailed accounts of events made this book hard to put down for me! Definitely recommend!
October 11, 2020
Pathetic, self-absorbed, and horrifically out-of-touch. Notice that a large number of the positive reviews are from her equally entitled friends and family. Don’t waste your time and certainly not your money on this drivel.
February 13, 2025
I really enjoyed this one. There are other books about the general psychology of money, but seemingly fewer that provide a firsthand account of one's life circumstances and how their relationship to money, and wealth in general, change over time.
June 2, 2024
if i could give this -5 stars i would
November 5, 2020
Wealth-wise I am a person of middleclass income with a job and an average size family.
This well written book offers the possibility to travel along with a life story of someone of my own generation who became a multi-millionaire at a young age.
And then what?
The memoir shows that the Rishers’ search in life after becoming rich is not so different from my own main drivers.
Such as the need for creating, connecting, accomplishing your personal mission, sharing, and providing to your community.
In her book, the author presents a truly honest and brave perspective in which a complex journey is revealed. She and her family discover that wealth is a medium, an instrument, and not a goal or condition for living a good life.
“We need to talk” about this phenomenon, it made me happy and strengthened my own attempt to make something of this so-called thing we call life.
This well written book offers the possibility to travel along with a life story of someone of my own generation who became a multi-millionaire at a young age.
And then what?
The memoir shows that the Rishers’ search in life after becoming rich is not so different from my own main drivers.
Such as the need for creating, connecting, accomplishing your personal mission, sharing, and providing to your community.
In her book, the author presents a truly honest and brave perspective in which a complex journey is revealed. She and her family discover that wealth is a medium, an instrument, and not a goal or condition for living a good life.
“We need to talk” about this phenomenon, it made me happy and strengthened my own attempt to make something of this so-called thing we call life.
May 15, 2021
While this book was overall an interesting read, there were several points where the author lost me as she departed from problems I’m familiar with to problems I’m not. The major thing was her angsting over how to tell her fiancé she wanted a bigger diamond. It took up an entire chapter. What?? But I did really like the later chapters on talking about money with children, managing friendships across differing income levels, and philanthropy. I just wish she’d gotten to those juicy parts sooner.
June 2, 2024
The most out of touch book I’ve probably ever read. While I respect her opening up about this subject and appreciate that I would probably have similar emotions in her situation I feel like it could have been handled much much differently?? Only gets 1 star because it was an interesting read but really made me sad thinking about how messed up our world is. A good book for book club though .. think it will lead to good discussion!!
November 7, 2023
A unique perspective I haven't seen in a memoir before. At times, the author speaks very vulnerably about her struggle to accept herself as a wealthy person. As someone who grew up on welfare, I certainly learned a lot about a very different life experience than my own. But there are some craft problems with this book and I wish the author had done more research, reflection, and processing of her experiences before publishing this book.
The first and last chapters, where the author attempts to connect her narrative to a larger context, could be cut. I found her insistence that non-wealthy people try harder to understand where wealthy people were coming from grating. I don't understand why she included questions for readers between each chapter. Maybe she could have gathered them at the end of the book in an appendix. They sounded like great reflection questions for privileged people who've never reflected on their class position before. But they were annoying to read between every chapter, interrupting the flow, and it's certainly not why I was reading the book.
Although I appreciated the author's vulnerability and openness to write a book like this, the narrative often stops short of true insight. If the author had done more in inner work and challenged a lot of her own assumptions and perceptions, this book could have gone much deeper and become much more affecting. For example, she talks at length multiple times about how guilty she feels for having money and privilege, and describes many scenes where she was triggered by people sharing their struggles with money--and her reaction was to emotionally shut down. There is no current-day reflection by the author about how problematic this is. I felt frustrated that the narrator didn't do more to own her privilege and help out those in her orbit. Though she turns toward philanthropy near the end of the narrative--I think partly as a way to assuage her guilt--the narrator never truly shows a class consciousness or solidarity with people from other classes. I would have liked to have seen the narrator grapple with these big issues in a much more complex and vulnerable way.
However, reading the comments here in Goodreads, this book seems to represent how a lot of wealthy people feel and there is value in that. I did learn more compassion for people with a lot of money although I wish the narrative had better emphasized the need for empathy to go the other way as well. In the end, I don't regret reading this book and I think we need more narratives from people of all classes talking honestly about money. For that effort, I do appreciate this book.
The first and last chapters, where the author attempts to connect her narrative to a larger context, could be cut. I found her insistence that non-wealthy people try harder to understand where wealthy people were coming from grating. I don't understand why she included questions for readers between each chapter. Maybe she could have gathered them at the end of the book in an appendix. They sounded like great reflection questions for privileged people who've never reflected on their class position before. But they were annoying to read between every chapter, interrupting the flow, and it's certainly not why I was reading the book.
Although I appreciated the author's vulnerability and openness to write a book like this, the narrative often stops short of true insight. If the author had done more in inner work and challenged a lot of her own assumptions and perceptions, this book could have gone much deeper and become much more affecting. For example, she talks at length multiple times about how guilty she feels for having money and privilege, and describes many scenes where she was triggered by people sharing their struggles with money--and her reaction was to emotionally shut down. There is no current-day reflection by the author about how problematic this is. I felt frustrated that the narrator didn't do more to own her privilege and help out those in her orbit. Though she turns toward philanthropy near the end of the narrative--I think partly as a way to assuage her guilt--the narrator never truly shows a class consciousness or solidarity with people from other classes. I would have liked to have seen the narrator grapple with these big issues in a much more complex and vulnerable way.
However, reading the comments here in Goodreads, this book seems to represent how a lot of wealthy people feel and there is value in that. I did learn more compassion for people with a lot of money although I wish the narrative had better emphasized the need for empathy to go the other way as well. In the end, I don't regret reading this book and I think we need more narratives from people of all classes talking honestly about money. For that effort, I do appreciate this book.
December 20, 2020
FYI: I'm not Jennifer Risher's ideal reader from her questions at the end of each chapter, but I found it a story I could not put down, and some places made me laughing out loud, but probably not in the way Risher intended. The engagement ring diamond wasn't big enough and OMG it had so many flaws had me in stitches. It was as if she played right into the bridezilla stereotype. And when she couldn't relate to the women in her baby group that couldn't afford a new stroller, thought it was honest and heartfelt, but it also felt cringy that she could no longer even relate to real world problems. And the things she made her contractors change on their house and the swimming pool. Serves them right it cracked after years. Risher often ended up being exactly what I already thought rich people were like. And sure it was funny like the competition at the auction between her husband and another person, bidding up on children's art, intent on outdoing each other, but it also reminded me of David Sedaris's story Christmas is Giving where rich people were donating their kidneys to outdo each other. Sedaris was being sarcastic. Times have changed. Why were the questions at the end of each section in the third person? It just felt off for a memoir, schizophrenic, quizzing readers about money after each chapter. Who are her ideal readers? I'm not sure she gave it much thought. Put your study questions at the end and let a reader decide whether to read them or not. Her last sentence: "In our desire for acceptance and love, for being part of a community, and for meaning and purpose in our lives, we are all the ninety-nine percent the same." Oddly it sounds like the people at the Black Lives Matter protest that say all lives matter, and totally miss the point. Overall, a compelling, funny read, but the 'why can't we all talk about money and then we'll get along' is a simplistic way of looking at the world.
November 29, 2020
I really enjoyed reading this story of a woman (really a young woman) who was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and her husband who did the same -though they both worked hard and were well educated which helped- and them coming into an incredible amount of money from tech stocks. This is the story of how the author learned to deal with her wealth and take a look at how it changed her.
For anyone that looks at huge houses or people walking around with fancy clothes or cars and wonders how those people live and what their lives are like...Jen gives you a little peak into her life and her thoughts and feelings as she learns to accept the fact that money doesn't change your insides but definitely can take away a lot of the stresses of everyday life that many feel. I really enjoyed watching the author mature as she grew into her wealth and how she used her advantages to help others and get others to help others through giving. She and her husband have both done great things to help the disadvantaged through founding a non-profit called Half my DAF and encouraging others in similar positions to spend their money in helping others.
This book was an easy read and Jen takes a huge chance in exposing herself through her writing. At times I was a little annoyed at some of the things she did and wondered if I would do the same given the same opportunities. A lot of the things she wrote about, I still do today (making sure lights are out before leaving, saving plastic bags to reuse, not throwing things out until the last crumb is eaten, searching 15 sites to get the best deals on hotels and airfares etc...) so I really related to her. It was a fun read.
For anyone that looks at huge houses or people walking around with fancy clothes or cars and wonders how those people live and what their lives are like...Jen gives you a little peak into her life and her thoughts and feelings as she learns to accept the fact that money doesn't change your insides but definitely can take away a lot of the stresses of everyday life that many feel. I really enjoyed watching the author mature as she grew into her wealth and how she used her advantages to help others and get others to help others through giving. She and her husband have both done great things to help the disadvantaged through founding a non-profit called Half my DAF and encouraging others in similar positions to spend their money in helping others.
This book was an easy read and Jen takes a huge chance in exposing herself through her writing. At times I was a little annoyed at some of the things she did and wondered if I would do the same given the same opportunities. A lot of the things she wrote about, I still do today (making sure lights are out before leaving, saving plastic bags to reuse, not throwing things out until the last crumb is eaten, searching 15 sites to get the best deals on hotels and airfares etc...) so I really related to her. It was a fun read.
January 25, 2021
This book is about the author's success in life and how things have developed. It's about her relationship with family and struggling with the small questions—am I spoiling my daughter by going to Hawaii when she's eight months old—to the more significant questions in life.
I found it very interesting that among all of the personal stories and the thought-provoking issues, the author had interspersed discussion questions—as if she wanted the reader to stop and have these little conversations.
To listen to my interview with Jennifer and her husband, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jen...
I found it very interesting that among all of the personal stories and the thought-provoking issues, the author had interspersed discussion questions—as if she wanted the reader to stop and have these little conversations.
To listen to my interview with Jennifer and her husband, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jen...
December 14, 2020
When I saw the subject of this book I was thrilled. We do need to talk more about money and the disparity between the haves and have nots. Money is about as taboo, maybe even more than, sex to talk about. I guess I'd just like to here from someone who isn't so judgemental and classist. She talks about being responsible with money as something wealthy people don't need to do. She labels people and herself based on superficial things that made me cringe again and again. No, having money doesn't make you a bad person or one of 'those people' as the author would say. There is a real need for people who have struck it rich in the tech boom to talk about the choices this gives them and the conflicting emotions around it but without the condescending attitude. I was hoping to hear more about taxes and wage transparency/disparity. I was hoping to hear more about the reckoning going on in philanthropy. I'm glad she went on this journey but this is not the discussion we need. The last four pages of the book do talk about inequity and are more in line with my thinking but it doesn't line up with all the pages before them. I guess I was just surprised given the half my daf initiative.
December 21, 2021
Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Frank, honest, open discussion about attitudes towards money and how it changes people’s behaviors.
The author, Jennifer Risher seems approachable, forthright and sincerely interested in encouraging people to be more accountable for what they teach their children about money, how they perceive people with money and changing the conversation.
We all want success for our families, our kids, our friends, but then it seems like the very thing we want for them becomes something people refuse to talk about or actually resent.
It’s okay to say you’re struggling financially and how it’s affected your life, shouldn’t it be okay to say I’m financially very fortunate, but it’s caused some deep dilemmas for me and struggles as well?
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
Nor does the lack of money necessarily make you more or less honorable, kind, caring, intelligent or worth listening to either.
All of us should have a conversation.
Maybe philanthropic endeavors would greatly benefit as a result & in turn, all of society.
Frank, honest, open discussion about attitudes towards money and how it changes people’s behaviors.
The author, Jennifer Risher seems approachable, forthright and sincerely interested in encouraging people to be more accountable for what they teach their children about money, how they perceive people with money and changing the conversation.
We all want success for our families, our kids, our friends, but then it seems like the very thing we want for them becomes something people refuse to talk about or actually resent.
It’s okay to say you’re struggling financially and how it’s affected your life, shouldn’t it be okay to say I’m financially very fortunate, but it’s caused some deep dilemmas for me and struggles as well?
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
Nor does the lack of money necessarily make you more or less honorable, kind, caring, intelligent or worth listening to either.
All of us should have a conversation.
Maybe philanthropic endeavors would greatly benefit as a result & in turn, all of society.
May 4, 2024
This book is an honest memoir on managing life while becoming wealthy in a few years.
When your middle-class upbringing gets challenged by the huge money you make in legit means in your career, it is daunting. It takes time to adjust to this and come to terms with your past and your relationships. I connected very well with the author's rise from middle-class upbringing to a relative affluence story. I could empathize with her.
But I completely lost her in the latter half of the book on the problems of affluent people. She is honest and genuine, but I couldn't relate or connect with them. I could enjoy the Crazy Rich Asians kind of story where I vicariously indulge in the filthy rich's lifestyle. But here I couldn't. Maybe it is because it is an unknown terrain. Perhaps it wandered into the domain of interviewing other affluent people and their opinion making the memoir non-personal. It's more of 3.5 stars.
When your middle-class upbringing gets challenged by the huge money you make in legit means in your career, it is daunting. It takes time to adjust to this and come to terms with your past and your relationships. I connected very well with the author's rise from middle-class upbringing to a relative affluence story. I could empathize with her.
But I completely lost her in the latter half of the book on the problems of affluent people. She is honest and genuine, but I couldn't relate or connect with them. I could enjoy the Crazy Rich Asians kind of story where I vicariously indulge in the filthy rich's lifestyle. But here I couldn't. Maybe it is because it is an unknown terrain. Perhaps it wandered into the domain of interviewing other affluent people and their opinion making the memoir non-personal. It's more of 3.5 stars.
July 13, 2021
Let me start this review by clarifying that I am not even in the same ballpark of wealth as the author. Though my husband worked for both Microsoft and Amazon, it was much later and at a lower level. Even still, as our net worth recently passed into 7-figures, many of the same feelings and questions the author notes in the book have happened to me. In my family-of-origin, my dad went through several periods of unemployment, so I've always felt a little anxious and hyper-frugal about money. It's been odd to let that go without judging myself for it. And there's the guilt about wondering if we should be saving for early retirement versus saving the world by giving it all away. Though this book isn't going to give you any conclusions about these or other dilemmas, it is a good way to get started thinking about why you behave the way you do about money and why others might behave differently around you if you have more of it.
January 2, 2021
After reading Risher’s op ed in the New York Times, I was thoroughly excited to read this book. Alas, it was a huge disappointment. The writing falls flat, nothing interesting happens, and Risher doesn’t offer any unique insights about wealth other than “we’re all human.” The one thing I learned is that being wealthy can buy you an op ed in the NYT even if you write a lackluster book.
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