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The Secret Self
Since his teenage years, Adam has struggled with a terrible, inescapable truth—he is hiding the secret of a distinctly feminine self from the world. Following a startling adventure with a much loved and very beautiful aunt, Adam spends 12 years nurturing this self in the privacy of his home. But now he has moved to a new city and been accepted into one of the country's most exclusive transvestite clubs, the Creme de la Creme. This, however, is only the beginning of a journey that will see Adam's secret self finally revealed, in a series of highly erotic adventures and startling revelations. This exciting thriller is also a deeply sensuous, detailed psychological study of a tormented and beautiful transvestite. It will enthrall cross-dressers and their admirers everywhere.
256 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published October 1, 2006
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
March 22, 2024
Important books stick with you. It’s not just about the story or the characters (although they clearly matter), but about who you were when you first read the story.
The Secret Self by Christina Shelly is one of those books.
14 years ago I was very much in a transition phase. I’d come out to my wife, we’d had many wonderful (and some painful) chats about gender, and we’d gotten through the question of trust that had plagued our relationship since that coming out. I still didn’t know who I was or how I identified but, for the first time, we both knew it wasn’t necessarily as who she’d fallen in love with.
At the time, I was already aware of Christina Shelly, having read some of the books in her Silken Slavery series. These were hugely important books for me because they were mass market paperbacks that I could buy right off the shelf at the bookstore in the mall. Not cheap mail order chapbooks, not glossy digest magazines kept behind the counter at the variety store, but paperbacks you could buy alongside the latest selections by Stephen King or Robert Jordan.
Unlike so much of the commercially produced erotica available at back then in the form of Nexus, Masquerade, or Sapphire paperbacks, which paid lip service to the transgender community by mixing a little forced feminization in with the female domination, Christina’s books were unapologetically for and about ready-and-willing transgender women.
With The Secret Self, Christina took that expression to the next step. Her protagonist is already an accomplished, extremely passable crossdresser, although one stuck very much in the closet. While there is a femdom element to the backstory, with a Mistress largely removed from the immediate action, that relationship is more about forcing Adam to overcome his fears and fully embrace the Eve within than it is about forcing him to be something/somebody he doesn’t want to be.
Much of the story revolves around an exclusive, invitation only club (Crème de la Crème), populated by the transgender/genderfluid community and their admirers. There, Eve is challenged and encouraged to explore her secret self. Christina’s descriptions of how it feels to dress, walk, and act like a girl are absolutely breathtaking. She doesn’t gloss over the preparation, and doesn’t shy away from the confusion of being in transition.
This isn’t just a story about sexual fetishism, no matter how delicious those scenes may be. It’s a story about relationships. As the story progresses, Eve find herself involved in a relationship with two Mistresses (one largely off-stage, and the other very prominent in the club); another transwoman whom she admires, envies, and adores; and a male admirer who pushes her to complete her transformation. The romance that develops between Eve and Richard is one of the strongest aspects of the novel. It’s not something Adam could ever want, but it is something Eve is coming to desire, and Christina handles that emotional conflict between beautifully.
The relationship between Eve and Richard is an intense one. He is the strong, forceful, dominant male that Eve craves if she is to let go of the lingering aspects of Adam’s persona. Even though Richard treats her like a woman, the spectre of her dual-persona is always there, and they frequently cross the line from romance to BDSM in an attempt to overwhelm those ‘drab’ memories. Even as we thrill at Eve’s seduction, however, we never entirely trust Richard or his motivations.
Fortunately, whenever things start to get too intense, Christina smartly reintroduces Cherry into the action. A long-time member of Crème de la Crème, she serves as Eve’s buxom and beautiful transition guide. She is equal parts big-sister, BFF, and bisexual lover. Eve’s relationship with Cherry is never casual, but sweet, silly, fun, and even a little bit frantic. Their roles within the club don’t allow them much time to play, but you can’t help but smile every time they get together.
Without giving away too much, the book’s conclusion is as deeply arousing as it is satisfying. Yes, it’s very heavily weighted on the fantasy side of things, but that’s entirely appropriate for a story about dreams and desires.
I identified with Adam/Eve, with their desires, their wants, and their confusion. Though Christina’s eyes, I felt as if I had a chance to explore who I could be, who I might be, and to be invited to do so openly was a pivotal experience.
https://sallybend.wordpress.com/2024/...
The Secret Self by Christina Shelly is one of those books.
14 years ago I was very much in a transition phase. I’d come out to my wife, we’d had many wonderful (and some painful) chats about gender, and we’d gotten through the question of trust that had plagued our relationship since that coming out. I still didn’t know who I was or how I identified but, for the first time, we both knew it wasn’t necessarily as who she’d fallen in love with.
At the time, I was already aware of Christina Shelly, having read some of the books in her Silken Slavery series. These were hugely important books for me because they were mass market paperbacks that I could buy right off the shelf at the bookstore in the mall. Not cheap mail order chapbooks, not glossy digest magazines kept behind the counter at the variety store, but paperbacks you could buy alongside the latest selections by Stephen King or Robert Jordan.
Unlike so much of the commercially produced erotica available at back then in the form of Nexus, Masquerade, or Sapphire paperbacks, which paid lip service to the transgender community by mixing a little forced feminization in with the female domination, Christina’s books were unapologetically for and about ready-and-willing transgender women.
With The Secret Self, Christina took that expression to the next step. Her protagonist is already an accomplished, extremely passable crossdresser, although one stuck very much in the closet. While there is a femdom element to the backstory, with a Mistress largely removed from the immediate action, that relationship is more about forcing Adam to overcome his fears and fully embrace the Eve within than it is about forcing him to be something/somebody he doesn’t want to be.
Much of the story revolves around an exclusive, invitation only club (Crème de la Crème), populated by the transgender/genderfluid community and their admirers. There, Eve is challenged and encouraged to explore her secret self. Christina’s descriptions of how it feels to dress, walk, and act like a girl are absolutely breathtaking. She doesn’t gloss over the preparation, and doesn’t shy away from the confusion of being in transition.
This isn’t just a story about sexual fetishism, no matter how delicious those scenes may be. It’s a story about relationships. As the story progresses, Eve find herself involved in a relationship with two Mistresses (one largely off-stage, and the other very prominent in the club); another transwoman whom she admires, envies, and adores; and a male admirer who pushes her to complete her transformation. The romance that develops between Eve and Richard is one of the strongest aspects of the novel. It’s not something Adam could ever want, but it is something Eve is coming to desire, and Christina handles that emotional conflict between beautifully.
The relationship between Eve and Richard is an intense one. He is the strong, forceful, dominant male that Eve craves if she is to let go of the lingering aspects of Adam’s persona. Even though Richard treats her like a woman, the spectre of her dual-persona is always there, and they frequently cross the line from romance to BDSM in an attempt to overwhelm those ‘drab’ memories. Even as we thrill at Eve’s seduction, however, we never entirely trust Richard or his motivations.
Fortunately, whenever things start to get too intense, Christina smartly reintroduces Cherry into the action. A long-time member of Crème de la Crème, she serves as Eve’s buxom and beautiful transition guide. She is equal parts big-sister, BFF, and bisexual lover. Eve’s relationship with Cherry is never casual, but sweet, silly, fun, and even a little bit frantic. Their roles within the club don’t allow them much time to play, but you can’t help but smile every time they get together.
Without giving away too much, the book’s conclusion is as deeply arousing as it is satisfying. Yes, it’s very heavily weighted on the fantasy side of things, but that’s entirely appropriate for a story about dreams and desires.
I identified with Adam/Eve, with their desires, their wants, and their confusion. Though Christina’s eyes, I felt as if I had a chance to explore who I could be, who I might be, and to be invited to do so openly was a pivotal experience.
https://sallybend.wordpress.com/2024/...
Displaying 1 of 1 review