Preparing for a Better End: Expert Lessons on Death and Dying for You and Your Loved Ones

by Dan Morhaim, Shelley Morhaim (Primary Contributor)

A vital roadmap to planning your own end-of-life care. While modern Americans strive to control nearly every aspect of their lives, many of us abandon control of life's final passage. But the realities of twenty-first-century medicine will allow most of us to have a say in how, when, and where we die, so we need to make decisions surrounding death, too. Or those decisions may be made for us. Threading compelling real-life stories and practical guidance throughout, this book helps readers navigate end-of-life care for themselves and their loved ones. In this practical guidebook, Dr. Dan Morhaim and Shelley Morhaim offer readers hope, empowerment, and inspiration. What we choose for our end-of-life care, they assert, depends on accurate information and on our personal values. We need these not only to understand new medical advances but also to appreciate the wisdom of humanity's past and present. Dan Morhaim, an emergency medicine physician and former Maryland state legislator, guides readers through the medical, legal, and financial maze of end-of-life care. He details the care choices available to patients and explains why living wills and advance directives are a necessity for every American. He tells readers where to find free and readily available living wills and advance directives and why it is so important for everyone―young and old―to complete them. Meanwhile, Shelley Morhaim draws on her experience as a therapeutic music practitioner for hospice and hospital patients to offer compassion to readers facing hard decisions. The authors reflect on a number of timely topics, including • what doctors―including Dr. Morhaim specifically―want for themselves in terms of end-of-life care
• how legislative initiatives on assisted dying vary by state
• how to obtain medical orders for life-sustaining treatment (MOLST/POLST)
• how to deal with dementia
• what to expect from palliative and hospice care
• how to cope with pain at the end of life, including with medical cannabis and narcotics
• how organ donation and body disposition work
• how to communicate individual needs to lawyers, physicians, and family members
• how to make decisions when selecting the best care for yourself and others and more. Organized as a roadmap that people should follow when they plan end-of-life care and contingencies, this book helps readers keep decisions in their own hands and spare their families the uncertainty and trauma of guessing about their end-of-life wishes. Breaking down the barriers to a difficult but essential topic, Preparing for a Better End helps readers open this often-avoided discussion with their loved ones while providing the information and guidance needed to ensure that deeply held values are reflected and honored. Praise for the Author "In The Better End , Dr. Morhaim helps the reader to see that while death does have its sting, it need not be bitter, and each of us can prepare for the end in better ways."―Maya Angelou "Dan Morhaim's message is a must read for anyone who is facing end-of-life crisis issues and concerns, whether it be for themselves or for a family member or loved one. When so many others shun away from the topic, Dan Morhaim addresses the situation with clarity, insight, and sensitivity."―Montel Williams

Genres: Nonfiction

272 pages, Hardcover

Published November 17, 2020

Reviews

[Sheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Effectively explains end of life care and the decisions that can and should be made long before the time comes so that each patient can receive the medical care they desire. The real-life stories show exactly how medical diagnoses, situations, and decisions, or the lack thereof, play out in real life. A hard topic to read about and consider, even causing overwhelming emotions at times, but a necessary difficulty that must be faced.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical guide to end-of-life planning, which is presented in a way that is both matter of fact and personal.

What I learned from this book, which is important to me:

1. Creating an advance directive "costs nothing. Completing, legalizing, and distributing these forms is free or of minimal cost and takes only a few minutes, but the benefits are invaluable."

2. The difference between palliative care and hospice care.

3. That, "in some respects, it's more important for younger people to complete advance directives than for elders." This is eye-opening to me. Dr. Morhaim explains that elders usually have advance warning of of their demise through diagnosis and have an established support network to help them make decisions, whereas a young person is more likely to experience a sudden traumatic event, such as an accident, sudden onset of illness, or drug overdose and may have not have established long-term relationships and a support system yet. Young people tend to be transient, they could be in college, transitioning between jobs or changing careers, or traveling around to discover what they want out of life.

4. Cremation is not as environmentally sound as I thought it was. "It releases carbon dioxide, sulfur dioxide, and other greenhouse gases and persistent organic pollutants into the atmosphere."

5. The author uses the following national registry system: MyDirectives.com

6. I truly appreciate how Dr. Morhaim shares his personal experience and what he has learned from his years as an ER doctor and former Maryland state legislator.

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This knowledgeable and intelligent guide was obviously created with years of experience, compassion, and a strong voice. I would recommend it as an excellent introductory book for anyone venturing into the world of end-of-life care. The time to make important medical decisions is not when death is approaching; instead, the earlier a person can consider their own mortality, the better. Advocacy for advanced directives is both courageous and compassionate and the author provides numerous resources that anyone can use. These types of books are vital to our society and should be encouraged wherever possible. Highly recommended!

[David Ward · Rating 3 out of 5]

Preparing for a Better End: Lessons on Death and Dying for You and Your Loved Ones by Dan Morhaim, MD (Johns Hopkins University Press 2020) (179.7) (3618).

Here are author Dan Morhaim’s two most useful “end-of-life” lessons: (1) prepare “advance directives” now, and (2) decline CPR or heroic measures.

According to the author, physicians overwhelmingly prefer to be allowed to die without intensive medical intervention:

“Physicians’ wishes for their own end-of-life care have been revealed in a series of studies. The most cited one was done in 2014 and published in the medical journal of the Public Library of Science. More than 1,000 physicians were surveyed, and over 88% said they would not want CPR in an end-of-life situation. That is, they would choose a DNR [Do Not Resuscitate] status. Furthermore, about 80% said that they would not want intense medical intervention if there were no hope of recovery.

Most significantly, the study concludes, ‘Our data show that doctors have a striking personal preference to forgo high-intensity care for themselves at the end-of-life and prefer to die gently and naturally. This study raises questions about why doctors provide care to their patients, which is very different from what they choose for themselves, and also [from] what seriously ill patients want.’”(pp.79-80).

I’m convinced.

Here are a couple of interesting bits of trivia from the book.

“VSED” is medical charting shorthand for “voluntarily stopped eating and drinking.” This is a strategy sometimes employed by patients seeking to hasten death in states where physician-assisted suicide is illegal. (p.146).

And finally, here’s a prescient quote from one whose end-of-life issues became overwhelming. In the words of the bard himself, Jim Morrison: “Drugs are a bet with your mind.” (p.151).

My rating: 7/10, finished 2/2/22 (3618).

[David Gifford · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful book that is designed to make a person think seriously about getting ready, being prepared for that eventuality that we all face, dying and death. My wife and I heard the author speak and were motivated to get his book. Although we already had prepared advance directives we really didn’t realize how important they are. Nor did we realize the importance of getting copies to our health providers or to our children. There’s much more that could be said about the book; it covers many aspects of dying and death that one generally doesn’t think about, or hears discussed. I am grateful for the author’s frank discussion of them all and glad I read it. I enjoy good health at 80 years old so it is time to prepare for “a better end.”

[Dodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a sad fact of life that it ends in death and that sometimes happens much sooner than we expect it to. Dan Morhaim cites examples in his book of young people who wind up in vegetative states without advance directives. For me, that was the most important segment of the book. It's easy to find a suitable form online and let those close to you know your wishes. Although it's not fun to consider the possibilities surrounding death and dying, it's a kindness to your survivors to think about it while you're able.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of a lot of useful information. The biggest take away is complete your advanced directive!! The back of the book includes “Resources,” which easily summarizes the authors recommendations. Excellent stories in the book. Useful information. Short. Highly recommend

[Mark Rimelspach · Rating 4 out of 5]

Outlines the benefits of preparing for dying and documenting what you want when your time comes.

[Renzhong · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely filled out an advance directive after reading it.