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Undead as a Doornail
"I was already dead by the time I was born, and I've died a lot of times since then. But somehow, someway, I came back. I always come back. My name is Phoenix Bones, and I hunt monsters."----------------The first novel in the International Monster Hunter series introduces Phoenix Bones, self-trained bane of the things that go bump in the night.Phoenix knows what horrors lurk in the shadows. When he overhears a police scanner report of a teenage girl missing from her bedroom without a trace, he knows something sinister is afoot. His worst fears are confirmed when the trail leads him to a ghastly scene in the catacombs of Paris ... and the vile truth of the vampire underground's evil plans.
284 pages, Paperback
Published August 12, 2019
375 people are currently reading
183 people want to read
About the author
William F. Aicher
24 books324 followersWilliam F. Aicher is the author of The Trouble With Being God, A Confession, The Unfortunate Expiration of Mr. David S. Sparks., Calibration 74, and the Phoenix Bones: International Monster Hunter series, as well as a series of short horror and suspense pieces collectively referred to as “Creepy Little Bedtime Stories.” Tending to lean toward the creepy and fantastical, his work has appeared alongside such well-known writers as Stephen King, Richard Chizmar, and Neil Gaiman.
A graduate of the University of Wisconsin, Madison, he holds degrees in journalism and philosophy. He currently lives outside Milwaukee with his wife, three sons, and a pair of lazy cats.
A graduate of the University of Wisconsin, Madison, he holds degrees in journalism and philosophy. He currently lives outside Milwaukee with his wife, three sons, and a pair of lazy cats.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
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August 15, 2019As usual, marking as read because as the author, I've read through this thing dozens of times. :)
September 9, 2019
I have a new favorite indie series that replaces my loss of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Picture Sookie meets Lula and Stephanie Plum in male form.
Add in whiskey, a drug addict Dr. Who sidekick, and a male protagonist who is pretty much my f'ing soulmate.
AND THE SERIES TAKES PLACE ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!
Aicher came for me with Undead As a Doornail. Not fair...
Set in the catacombs of Paris, watch as Phoenix tries to solve a murder mystery while scarfing on some crepes. If only blueberry vs strawberry were his toughest choices.
Did I mention vampires?! Plus, Phoenix has some magical powers too...
The next book will focus on werewolves in the Phoenix Bones: International Monster Hunter series. I cannot wait!
Thank you to Aicher for a free copy in exchange for a fair review (yes, he is a repeat author for me).
Find my full review and links where you will find Aicher's books, more in-depth reviews, and book lists with similar titles on The Uncorked Librarian:
https://theuncorkedlibrarian.com/unde...
Add in whiskey, a drug addict Dr. Who sidekick, and a male protagonist who is pretty much my f'ing soulmate.
AND THE SERIES TAKES PLACE ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!
Aicher came for me with Undead As a Doornail. Not fair...
Set in the catacombs of Paris, watch as Phoenix tries to solve a murder mystery while scarfing on some crepes. If only blueberry vs strawberry were his toughest choices.
Did I mention vampires?! Plus, Phoenix has some magical powers too...
The next book will focus on werewolves in the Phoenix Bones: International Monster Hunter series. I cannot wait!
Thank you to Aicher for a free copy in exchange for a fair review (yes, he is a repeat author for me).
Find my full review and links where you will find Aicher's books, more in-depth reviews, and book lists with similar titles on The Uncorked Librarian:
https://theuncorkedlibrarian.com/unde...
August 23, 2021
Highly recommend!
If you like Harry Dresden, Monster Hunters International or any series like those I highly recommend this series! Down to earth hero just trying to get by with strange abilities, monsters, international travel.... I love it and cannot wait to read book 2
If you like Harry Dresden, Monster Hunters International or any series like those I highly recommend this series! Down to earth hero just trying to get by with strange abilities, monsters, international travel.... I love it and cannot wait to read book 2
February 21, 2022
Phoenix Bones , monster hunter is hysterical. He also tells a great monster story. Funny and a bit gruesome at times. If you love mystery and a bit of horror this is the 1st in the series. Don't miss the prelude Blob in the Bayou , you won't be disappointed
September 24, 2021
Good book
I enjoyed reading about Phoenix. I thought it was a very entertaining and interesting story. He reminds me of Bubba the Monster hunter, an early in his career version anyway. Want to see what troubles he gets into next trying to save the world.
I enjoyed reading about Phoenix. I thought it was a very entertaining and interesting story. He reminds me of Bubba the Monster hunter, an early in his career version anyway. Want to see what troubles he gets into next trying to save the world.
September 4, 2019
Exciting and fun!
I enjoyed this book from beginning to end. The characters are fun, the plot surprising, and I’m ready for book 2 already. The only issue I had was a few typos that pulled me out of the story for a second, but they weren’t enough to stop me from reading. Highly recommend this book!
I enjoyed this book from beginning to end. The characters are fun, the plot surprising, and I’m ready for book 2 already. The only issue I had was a few typos that pulled me out of the story for a second, but they weren’t enough to stop me from reading. Highly recommend this book!
August 20, 2019
William Aicher carefully plays with the rules of the horror and supernatural genre and gives us original vampires (would you believe it?!) with a witty yet blasé hero who has his own interesting quirks and abilities. His dangerous little European tour leaves us wanting more.
March 27, 2021
Fun supernatural adventure!
This was the most fun I’ve had reading a Vampire novel in some time. The character development is enough to keep you interested and the author doesn’t take him self too seriously. I look forward to the next one.
This was the most fun I’ve had reading a Vampire novel in some time. The character development is enough to keep you interested and the author doesn’t take him self too seriously. I look forward to the next one.
August 15, 2021
Great story. Main character is fun. Spoilers below.
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I liked how he tried so hard to be hero but he really wasn’t. He had powers and abilities but he was always too late in most cases. I appreciate how he was described, not some yolked out muscle hunk.
I laughed out loud multiple times in this story. It kept me reading as fast as I could to see what was happening next.
I think this idea was fresh and I haven’t heard or read a story like it before. Looking forward to the next book.
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I liked how he tried so hard to be hero but he really wasn’t. He had powers and abilities but he was always too late in most cases. I appreciate how he was described, not some yolked out muscle hunk.
I laughed out loud multiple times in this story. It kept me reading as fast as I could to see what was happening next.
I think this idea was fresh and I haven’t heard or read a story like it before. Looking forward to the next book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 23, 2021
What a neat book! On one hand, I'm a bit bummed that I didn't read Undead as a Doornail sooner. On the other hand, I'm excited that I don't have to wait long for the sequel. It's a really fun ride with an inventive take on the vampire/monster genre. It's got some cool Dresden Files and Doctor Who vibes that, while maybe not intentional, made for a unique and satisfying story.
As someone who, admittedly, doesn't have a ton of experience in the vampire/creature feature-type genre, I found the fresh take, the sense of humor, and the action-packed pace of the story (it was almost cinematic) to be really wonderful. This was a quick read, but absolutely well worth the time.
This is not the first book by William F. Aicher that I've read and I feel confident that it will be far from the last. I am looking forward to checking out more Phoenix Bones adventures in Blob in the Bayou and Every Bullet Has A Silver Lining.
As someone who, admittedly, doesn't have a ton of experience in the vampire/creature feature-type genre, I found the fresh take, the sense of humor, and the action-packed pace of the story (it was almost cinematic) to be really wonderful. This was a quick read, but absolutely well worth the time.
This is not the first book by William F. Aicher that I've read and I feel confident that it will be far from the last. I am looking forward to checking out more Phoenix Bones adventures in Blob in the Bayou and Every Bullet Has A Silver Lining.
October 2, 2019
Did you ever contemplate the smell of a vampire's breath? The answer to this query opens Undead as a Doornail, a deliciously humorous segue into the world of Phoenix Bones, Monster Hunter. Buckle up, this is one campily macabre ride with things that go bump in the night, parafairies, and an errant raccoon from the get-go.
Mr. Bones, aka a mild-mannered Animal Control Specialist by day, morphs into Monster Hunter at the squeal of the police scanner or a bang on his door. Traveling through the ‘Eitherspace – a kind of a limbo between the living world and the dead world, a no-man’s-land where, if you know how to travel it, you can take a trip anywhere you want. Problem is, you gotta die to start the journey.’ Phoenix dies and RISES on this first perilous quest – vampires – guided by a mysterious amulet and a crazy tag-a-long helper, Sofi.
Hilariously sophisticated, intentionally exaggerated, Undead as a Doornail, Aicher’s first book in this series, has me impatiently waiting for Bones and his next gruesome hunt.
Mr. Bones, aka a mild-mannered Animal Control Specialist by day, morphs into Monster Hunter at the squeal of the police scanner or a bang on his door. Traveling through the ‘Eitherspace – a kind of a limbo between the living world and the dead world, a no-man’s-land where, if you know how to travel it, you can take a trip anywhere you want. Problem is, you gotta die to start the journey.’ Phoenix dies and RISES on this first perilous quest – vampires – guided by a mysterious amulet and a crazy tag-a-long helper, Sofi.
Hilariously sophisticated, intentionally exaggerated, Undead as a Doornail, Aicher’s first book in this series, has me impatiently waiting for Bones and his next gruesome hunt.
October 26, 2019
I love Phoenix Bones
I fell in love with Phoenix Bones within the first page of this book. He has the right mixture of humor and humanity to make me want to go on a journey with him - any journey - and it turns out this is an exciting ride! The magic, or whatever you call the mechanics of monster hunting, is very original and totally awesome. I can’t wait for the second book in the series. I hope there will be many more Phoenix Bones adventures to come.
I fell in love with Phoenix Bones within the first page of this book. He has the right mixture of humor and humanity to make me want to go on a journey with him - any journey - and it turns out this is an exciting ride! The magic, or whatever you call the mechanics of monster hunting, is very original and totally awesome. I can’t wait for the second book in the series. I hope there will be many more Phoenix Bones adventures to come.
May 21, 2020
Fun monster Hunter story!
Author William F. Archer has written a fun story about a Monster Hunter named Phoenix Bones. This book has all the elements of an awesome read. Action humor, and intrigue are all woven neatly into the take. My favorite part has to be how Aicher describes things like My Little pony and Vampire Halitosis. I absolutely will read more of his work in the future.
Author William F. Archer has written a fun story about a Monster Hunter named Phoenix Bones. This book has all the elements of an awesome read. Action humor, and intrigue are all woven neatly into the take. My favorite part has to be how Aicher describes things like My Little pony and Vampire Halitosis. I absolutely will read more of his work in the future.
August 16, 2019
A fun read
I enjoyed this book and recommend it. Being a monster hunter is dangerous work, but Phoenix is well-suited for this life given his unusual "condition" and means of travel.
I enjoyed this book and recommend it. Being a monster hunter is dangerous work, but Phoenix is well-suited for this life given his unusual "condition" and means of travel.
September 25, 2019
New Monster Hunter on the block
Phoenix Bones, a portentous name for an animal control officer who seems to keep running into some pretty odd animals. Follow this unique hunter through a painful maze of death and blood in a high stakes chase to the death.
Phoenix Bones, a portentous name for an animal control officer who seems to keep running into some pretty odd animals. Follow this unique hunter through a painful maze of death and blood in a high stakes chase to the death.
September 16, 2019
Good book!!
Very entertaining to read..very fast read too..the main character is someone I could like very easily..Would recommend this book to anyone!!
Very entertaining to read..very fast read too..the main character is someone I could like very easily..Would recommend this book to anyone!!
June 28, 2023
Overall Stars: 4.5/5 (but I round down for all reviews)
Themes:
- Vampire swarm
- Undead/undying
- Morally gray hero
- Horror
Pros:
- Very fun read with a twist to vampire hunting and views on death (i.e. Eitherspace)!
- Descriptive writing, great similes and metaphors and creative plot
- Dry sarcasm and well-placed bits of comedic relief (i.e. when MMC is driving through the surrounding lands and forests of Munich and rolls down the window to breathe the fresh air – but instead it smells like shit…. because there’s a sewage plant nearby lol)
- Multiple gory and detailed fight scenes
- Author does a great job of portraying Europeans and the Bulgarian farmer and cop with accents and choppy English dialogue. I felt like I could actually hear them in my head!
Cons:
- Sometimes Phoenix monologues a bit too much.
- The humor feels forced/trying too hard at times. It was mostly great comedic situations and dialogue but there were a few times I wanted to shake Phoenix and say, "get to the point!"
- For some reason the first third of the book was slow for me. I’m not sure if it was pacing or what but I had to put it down a few times. After 30% I was much more interested and once I was at 70% I couldn’t put it down.
- There was a lot of “explaining” (i.e. how he dies/comes back to life, Eitherspace travel) and re-explaining in the beginning of the book to ensure the reader understood. I think this may be why I struggled through the first third of the book.
- Considering this has never happened to him before… I’m not sure how Phoenix knows if his arm/appendage gets amputated and he lives for a while then dies, he’ll come back normal but still have an amputated arm.
- I didn’t like that there were several chapters of flashbacks. I think this could have been reduced and made into a prologue.
You would like this book if:
- You liked the movies Day Shift, Van Helsing or Blade
Fav quotes:
“There was no mistake. I was born a corpse.”
“With each gingerly placed footstep, I crept forward like a ninja. A ninja with a flashlight though, so now that I think of it, I wasn’t being all that sneaky.”
“A cocktail of various fluids and fleshy bits exploded into the air, and its dead body slapped against the far wall with a wet smack.”
“. . . silver doesn’t do shit against a vampire. But then I saw it, sad and stained red with marinara sauce: a wooden spoon.”
“Moments later, I hit the ground with a sickening thud, feeling my bones crumble and my skull crack as I exploded like a water balloon onto the streets of Paris.”
“I’m not dead. I’m alive. I just die a lot.”
“You are serious now? Deathbringer? This is maybe your PlayStation name?”
“We found ourselves in an immensely cavernous space, lit from high above by rows and rows of dead-white fluorescent tubes. I was immediately reminded of a Costco.”
“Yes. Shit brick. Crap stone. Both painful. Just come.”
“’Lets get this party started,’ I say, and as I stand up, I fall right back down, face-first onto the concrete.”
Would I read again? Yes
Would I read a book from this author again? YES!
Themes:
- Vampire swarm
- Undead/undying
- Morally gray hero
- Horror
Pros:
- Very fun read with a twist to vampire hunting and views on death (i.e. Eitherspace)!
- Descriptive writing, great similes and metaphors and creative plot
- Dry sarcasm and well-placed bits of comedic relief (i.e. when MMC is driving through the surrounding lands and forests of Munich and rolls down the window to breathe the fresh air – but instead it smells like shit…. because there’s a sewage plant nearby lol)
- Multiple gory and detailed fight scenes
- Author does a great job of portraying Europeans and the Bulgarian farmer and cop with accents and choppy English dialogue. I felt like I could actually hear them in my head!
Cons:
- Sometimes Phoenix monologues a bit too much.
- The humor feels forced/trying too hard at times. It was mostly great comedic situations and dialogue but there were a few times I wanted to shake Phoenix and say, "get to the point!"
- For some reason the first third of the book was slow for me. I’m not sure if it was pacing or what but I had to put it down a few times. After 30% I was much more interested and once I was at 70% I couldn’t put it down.
- There was a lot of “explaining” (i.e. how he dies/comes back to life, Eitherspace travel) and re-explaining in the beginning of the book to ensure the reader understood. I think this may be why I struggled through the first third of the book.
- Considering this has never happened to him before… I’m not sure how Phoenix knows if his arm/appendage gets amputated and he lives for a while then dies, he’ll come back normal but still have an amputated arm.
- I didn’t like that there were several chapters of flashbacks. I think this could have been reduced and made into a prologue.
You would like this book if:
- You liked the movies Day Shift, Van Helsing or Blade
Fav quotes:
“There was no mistake. I was born a corpse.”
“With each gingerly placed footstep, I crept forward like a ninja. A ninja with a flashlight though, so now that I think of it, I wasn’t being all that sneaky.”
“A cocktail of various fluids and fleshy bits exploded into the air, and its dead body slapped against the far wall with a wet smack.”
“. . . silver doesn’t do shit against a vampire. But then I saw it, sad and stained red with marinara sauce: a wooden spoon.”
“Moments later, I hit the ground with a sickening thud, feeling my bones crumble and my skull crack as I exploded like a water balloon onto the streets of Paris.”
“I’m not dead. I’m alive. I just die a lot.”
“You are serious now? Deathbringer? This is maybe your PlayStation name?”
“We found ourselves in an immensely cavernous space, lit from high above by rows and rows of dead-white fluorescent tubes. I was immediately reminded of a Costco.”
“Yes. Shit brick. Crap stone. Both painful. Just come.”
“’Lets get this party started,’ I say, and as I stand up, I fall right back down, face-first onto the concrete.”
Would I read again? Yes
Would I read a book from this author again? YES!
September 15, 2023
Half is slow, the MC not so bright, then it's almost as if somebody else took over the author duties. The action picks up, the chapters are shorter (?) and the plot thickens. Highly unlikely I'll read another...
Prime freebie- advertised as "Undead as a Doornail will have you laughing, gagging, and hoping for a new HBO series" on insta. Failed to deliver. It's also in dire need of an editor
Prime freebie- advertised as "Undead as a Doornail will have you laughing, gagging, and hoping for a new HBO series" on insta. Failed to deliver. It's also in dire need of an editor
June 8, 2020
3.5 out of 5.0
Characters were interesting but the story sort of lagged. The last few chapters felt rushed. Honestly if I had bigger chunks of time to read I probably would have enjoyed it more. The premise of a monster hunter has many good possibilities so I would like to see where this goes.
Characters were interesting but the story sort of lagged. The last few chapters felt rushed. Honestly if I had bigger chunks of time to read I probably would have enjoyed it more. The premise of a monster hunter has many good possibilities so I would like to see where this goes.
October 6, 2021
Normally, I'm not a vampire fan. But right off the bat I'm hooked. I liked the main character Phoenix and his vampire adventures. This was a hard one to put down I always wanted to know what was next.. Good job, I'll be waiting for the next hunt Phoenix takes. Every Bullet Has A Silver Lining
October 20, 2021
A fun premise and an action packed style of writing. This is a funny, scary, and exciting romp. I was a little confused by the protagonist's powers but I loved the characters and plot. I have already read Blob in the Bayeau which was also a fun story by Aicher. A great pick for Halloween time!
April 1, 2022
Plot Works
The plot works. The action is good, and the abilities of the main character are original. But the story would have made five stars if the characters had been more fully developed both in their personal histories and
emotions.
The plot works. The action is good, and the abilities of the main character are original. But the story would have made five stars if the characters had been more fully developed both in their personal histories and
emotions.
June 28, 2022
The story line is good but the writing style is different. I don't particularly care for the 1st person POV (in any book, not just this one) & to me, Phoenix came across like a monster-hunting game show host. Not a bad read but I think I'm going to pass on the next one.
November 19, 2022
Great read - Fangs galore!
Loved this book. The whole concept is fresh and keeps you engaged. There's plenty of monster/vampire action to enjoy.
I also found the dark humour to be a great way of building a three dimensional main character.
Looking forward to the next book.
Loved this book. The whole concept is fresh and keeps you engaged. There's plenty of monster/vampire action to enjoy.
I also found the dark humour to be a great way of building a three dimensional main character.
Looking forward to the next book.
November 29, 2022
What a great read!
I love this book, very imaginative take on vampire slaying. It could do with a bit of additional editing, though. I found quite a few sentences that were missed by proofers. Still a good story line and interesting characters.
I love this book, very imaginative take on vampire slaying. It could do with a bit of additional editing, though. I found quite a few sentences that were missed by proofers. Still a good story line and interesting characters.
October 24, 2025
2.5 rounded up. This started out good, and I liked the premise, but then the writing started to really drag it down. The characters were not well developed and it dragged in the middle and felt rushed at the end. I don't know if I'm going to read the next one or not.
September 29, 2021
Boring first person narrative. Plot with holes and weak, uninteresting protagonist.
October 20, 2021
First I must say I love the cover of this book. It’s so old school and reminds me of 80s horror.
I loved this book. I devoured it and can’t wait to read the next book in the series.
I loved this book. I devoured it and can’t wait to read the next book in the series.
November 1, 2021
Fun read
This is a really fun read.The comedy and the tone we're both fun and life.The book was easy to read and flew by and a pinch Good job.
This is a really fun read.The comedy and the tone we're both fun and life.The book was easy to read and flew by and a pinch Good job.
January 18, 2022
Amusing
Amusing. It reads like it was written for TV. Its not Ash vs Evil Dead but I think it wants to be.
Amusing. It reads like it was written for TV. Its not Ash vs Evil Dead but I think it wants to be.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews