Gone from My Sight: The Dying Experience

by Barbara Karnes

With over 30 million sold the "Little Blue Book" is the first, most beloved and widely used resource of its kind. Written by American hospice pioneer Barbara Karnes, RN, Gone From My Sight explains the signs of approaching death from disease and old age.

What are the signs of dying? Death from disease is not happenstance. It doesn't just occur; there is a process. People die in stages of months, weeks, day and hours. Having this knowledge will help address the fear of death and dying that most of us bring to the bedside of a person approaching death.

The biggest fear in watching someone die is fear of the unknown. Gone From My Sight reduces that fear. It is designed to help people understand the normal, natural way that death occurs from disease or old age. Like her other booklets, How Do I Know You?, A Time To Live and My Friend, I Care - Gone From My Sight is in large print and written on a fifth grade reading level in a manner that is simple and direct, yet gentle.

Gone From My Sight has been shown to significantly improve CAHPS scores, family survey results, meets Medicare requirements for consistent family education, and is a powerful marketing resource when branded with an agency logo or sticker.

Agencies put it along with its companion booklet, The Eleventh Hour, into their initial family packets to inform families on the signs of approaching death.

Use this guideline while remembering there is nothing concrete, all is very flexible. Any one of the signs in this booklet may be present, all may be present, none may be present. For some it will take months for others only minutes. The most frequently asked question Barbara gets from families is “How long?” Gone From My Sight will give as close and accurate an answer to that question as can be provided.

Genres: Death, Nonfiction, Medical, Self Help, Grief, Philosophy, Relationships

14 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1986

Reviews

[Zweegas · Rating 3 out of 5]

When you're facing something like this and you feel so directionless, you need something simple, plain, logical like this booklet to get a handle on the situation, to lay steady groundwork when nothing makes sense. Some people try religion. Some need other or supplemental information or points of view instead of or in addition to religion. I don't know if the things it says are true, but this booklet was there for me when I needed it. I identified some of the things it said with my loved one's particular situation, but when I tried to tell others about what he was going through, the only thing they all said was, "Oh yeah, those symptoms must be caused by the drugs." My psychologist and my best friend both told me that while they were trying to say something nice. Their comments really upset and alienated me from both of them though. I felt like they didn't know what I was going through. They hadn't read this same booklet that I had. No, my dying loved one's symptoms weren't because of drugs. It was a whole spiritual process of self-reflection that he was going through. I know because the hospice gave me this booklet about it.

I like the poetic little story at the end and I do believe in the analogy it makes, but the physical descriptions about dying did not really apply to my loved one's situation even if it gave me comfort at the time to read this and pretend they did. The physical descriptions of dying probably do apply to a lot of others.

This booklet made a utterly wrenching experience for my whole family less painful and devastating.

[Emily Krueger · Rating 3 out of 5]

this did not make me feel better!

2025’s reading list includes hospice care information.

-It feels weird to sell these kinds of chap books to assisted living and hospice facilities, etc.

-The fact that there are multiple different books in this series about different types of grieving and death baffles me. Why not put it all in the same booklet?

-It does a nice job of outlining symptoms and a general timeline of death, but it doesn’t make me feel better because some of the phrasing about how they’re moving beyond Earth is not comforting?? Like it’s vaguely religious but in a way that doesn’t provide any sort of comfort, whether faith-based or not.

[Vannessa Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gone From My sight was an important and informative read that educated readers concerning the dying experience. Gone From My Sight contained nothing but the facts from a Registered Nurse who had probably witnessed many deaths. Gone from My Sight will be helpful to those who want to understand when it is time to let go of their love ones because they will know what it looks like.

[Ron · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Death comes in its own time, in its own way. Death is as unique as the individual who is experiencing it.

A short, helpful guide to the signs and stages of approaching death to aid loved one recognize and adjust themselves to what is happening. Lists physical and behavioral changes to be expected. The author is a career hospice nurse who wrote this to assist families.

“And just at the moment someone at my side says: ‘There, she is gone!’ There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: ‘Here she comes!’ And that is dying…” From a 19th century funeral sermon

[hannah ౨ৎ]

only read this cause my maw maw is on hospice care and the nurses recommended it

[rdmickey1989 · Rating 4 out of 5]

We were given a copy of this while my husband's father was in palliative care during the last week of his life.

I read the small book many many times over the final days. I understand that everyone steps to the end are different, but this was such a great resource for my husband and I. Many things I could relate to and we lived through.

Two years later, I am looking for the book to give my mother as hospice has been called in for my grandmother.

Worth every penny.

[grace ✨]

I looked this up on here as a bit and since it is here I figured I gotta log it 🤪

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a hospice nurse we supply this book to our families who have loved ones who are terminally ill. I cannot tell you how invaluable this little book is. It answers alot of the tough questions families do not know how to ask. It is honest and gives a time line of the symptoms one will experience when getting close to passing away. I always hear the same things from my families " I wish I had known about this book sooner then I would of realized more of what was taking place with so and so." This little book is worth its weight in gold. I use it daily and it is truly an asset in the hospice setting.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short pamphlet style of book which succinctly explains the dying process for people who have not witnessed death before. As a social worker, I use this book on a regular basis to give to families on hospice care to explain the process.

[Tom Schulte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoughtfully and respectfully written, this slim chapbook contains an RN's carefully considered experience on the dying experience; physiologically and behaviorally. There is real value here for someone confronted with an unfamiliar experience of a loved in hospice.

[Edwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and concise with the most important facts surrounding death in an easily digestible and referential 14 pages. I keep referring back to it frequently to confirm that what I'm seeing is typical and what to expect going forward. Highly recommended.

[Río · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a helpful albeit brief overview of signs and symptoms in the months, weeks, and hours as a person approaches death. I appreciate that it starts with a note about the diversity of how death can look and how this is not a definite list of what to expect, but rather a general guideline of what might occur.

It is not the most detailed, but it still packs a fair bit of detail into such a short read. It also includes a summary timeline on the last page, so one can have a quick overview. This booklet was shared at the bedside of a dying family member and was helpful for those who read it to not be startled by any of the changes described within.

I only mark this as a 4 star (4.5 really) because the language is conducive of an afterlife, which is not helpful language for all, but they do so with more subtlety and grace, so it is not overbearing (or explicit) in any way, which is nice. I would recommend this to those who are dealing with loved ones of terminal illnesses, as well as those wanting to be prepared for when they find themselves in such a situation.

[Susan]

What a wonderful resource.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect, short read but very informative in simple terms. It gave me an understanding of what I’m experiencing now and what to expect.

[Chelsea Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really specific, and beautifully worded summary of the dying process. I can see how this would bring peace to a dying person and their circle of care.

[Kelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly important and informative. I wish I'd been equipped with this knowledge before experiencing end of life and bereavement but it's comforting and normalizing parts of the experience even retroactively.
I'm glad to have this little blue book on my shelf

[Bookewyfe · Rating 4 out of 5]

The hospice I volunteer for had stacks of these guides in the office. Good, basic information for what the last weeks and hours of life can look and sound like. The signs can be scary if you don’t know what to expect. Great info to have at the next death cafe!

[Tanya Harrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Difficult book to read when you have a loved one who will soon experience this process. But it gave the facts in a very respectful manner so that you could prepare yourself for what is soon to come. I appreciate having this book to comfort me when I have questions about what is happening to my loved one.

Recent update...this book also helped my Mother. The hospice nurse urged her to read it the night before my Father died. Because of this book she was able to say goodbye to her husband and have his family with him as he took his last breath. It's short but very informative. This book probably changed her grieving experience, giving her the clarity she needed at a time it counted the most.

[Jennifer Morefield · Rating 5 out of 5]

My mother was diagnosed w/Alzheimer's disease awhile back. The day after Easter, she had a stroke. She was evaluated for a week in the hospital and doctors discovered that she has metastatic colon cancer that has moved to her lungs. She returned to her home with hospice care waiting for us. She was given months to live. She is passing to the later stages of the death process and will not be with us much longer. I have appreciated this book. It has helped me understand the death process more and has helped our family to face this experience w/o fear.

[Cheri Raye]

Here is what i will say about this pamphlet, READ it if you have a loved one dying. This book deserves 5 stars as it prepares the ones left to live without their loved ones.
I dont feel it lacks anywhere it gives you the basics and from there you can deal with each part of the death process.
It is wonderfully written and sensitively put together. I recommend it to anyone who has someone they love dying from whatever cause.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most amazing part of this short book was the ending poem by Henry Van Dyke. I suggest everyone read it! Van Dyke likens one that is dying to a ship sailing away into the distance. On the horizon, the ship seems to disappear, but really it is not gone. It is still sailing, just out of our sight. What we can't see is that there are others awaiting it on a different shore, shouting "here she comes!" And as Van Dyke says, "that is dying." What a beautiful image.

[Songbirdlinda2yahoo.Com · Rating 5 out of 5]

An outstanding resource that is very short, very clear and very helpful in our understanding the signs of later life and the approach to the transition from this life to the next. It’s a calming, reassuring resource to have and was given to me by a social worker before my Daddy was admitted to Hospice. It gave me a sense of peace and preparation so that when Daddy crossed over, I saw it as a gift to witness; not something to fear.

[Hyacinth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource on dying and its process. I read one similar if it was not this one when my dad died. I found myself nodding at the process as it happened. When my stepmother died, I began looking for "the little blue book" because I couldn't remember its name. When I happened upon it, I had to order it. This is the book.

[Beverlee Jobrack · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple to read and quite informative. Everyone dies and for some reason, it is not common knowledge how it happens. My knowledge was based on dramatic ends from tv or movies, but most people, including my mother, go through phases. These are quite familiar to people who work in nursing homes. It's good to know.

[Mary Perdue · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful little book filled with easy to understand information on the dying process. As a former Hospice nurse we often gave out this book when teaching families about the dying process. I highly recommend it as a great tool that helps to answer many questions about the symptoms observed at the end of life.

[Ralph Dinsmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent informative booklet makes good sense for family watching loved one decline by natural causes. Reverse of the amazing birth growth process. Last year she was as a child, now an infant. Let her work it through. She is uncomplaining and not a problem. We love you Mom.

[Annabelle]

I think this is a helpful little booklet, especially those like myself who have little to no experience with death or dying. It lays out what some of the indicators are as people reach different stages in the dying process.

[shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was extremely helpful, as we sat with my dad who passed away in hospice a few weeks ago. Even if you're not in the situation, this book is extremely insightful to understanding death and the process of dying.

[Donnabear79 · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extremely helpful and insightful book for anyone caring for a loved one with a terminal illness. My husband and I have recommended it several times after it was given to us during my mother in law's battle with breast cancer.

[❀Aimee❀ Just one more page... · Rating 5 out of 5]

Small pamphlet from author in Depoe Bay, OR. Explains several aspects of the dying process. Five minute read but really good.