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How To Raise A Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men
At a time when many boys are in crisis, a much-needed roadmap for helping boys grow into strong and compassionate men
Over the past two decades there has been an explosion of new studies that have expanded our knowledge of how boys think and feel. In How to Raise a Boy , psychologist Michael Reichert draws on his decades of research to challenge age-old conventions about how boys become men.
Reichert explains how the paradigms about boys needing to be stoic and "man like" can actually cause them to shut down, leading to anger, isolation, and disrespectful or even destructive behaviors. The key to changing the culture lies in how parents, educators, and mentors help boys develop socially and emotionally. Reichert offers readers step-by-step guidance in doing just this by:
Featuring the latest insights from psychology and neuroscience, How to Raise a Boy will help those who care for young boys and teenagers build a boyhood that will enable them to grow into confident, accomplished and kind men.
Over the past two decades there has been an explosion of new studies that have expanded our knowledge of how boys think and feel. In How to Raise a Boy , psychologist Michael Reichert draws on his decades of research to challenge age-old conventions about how boys become men.
Reichert explains how the paradigms about boys needing to be stoic and "man like" can actually cause them to shut down, leading to anger, isolation, and disrespectful or even destructive behaviors. The key to changing the culture lies in how parents, educators, and mentors help boys develop socially and emotionally. Reichert offers readers step-by-step guidance in doing just this by:
Featuring the latest insights from psychology and neuroscience, How to Raise a Boy will help those who care for young boys and teenagers build a boyhood that will enable them to grow into confident, accomplished and kind men.
352 pages, Paperback
Published July 21, 2020
560 people are currently reading
2982 people want to read
About the author
Michael C. Reichert
11 books10 followersMichael C. Reichert, Ph.D., is founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys’ and Girls’ Lives at the University of Pennsylvania, and a clinical practitioner specializing in boys and men who has conducted extensive research globally.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews
May 21, 2019
As a mom of boys, I'm forever wanting the American education system to do their job better as I think they continue to fail their male students from elementary to high school level. This book was interesting with its studies researched although some of the real life experiences were a bit dry and made me skim here and there. I don't usually go for books like these because there's no book in the world that can tell a parent how to raise a child; I was intrigued by the subtitle and did feel the author did a good job at supporting his proof on the power of connnection to building good men - that title alone would be best. This is not a parenting book.
I find the relationships between boys fascinating and it is so different than girls. Again, being a mom to boys, I see this from them, their friends, and the experiences raising them through the past 20 years. The frustration for me is when you send your boys into the world - how will people respond to them, help them, teach them, love them, interact with them. As a parent, you know your child very well. You have a very good idea how the child will do these things when put in the world - but how the world comes back at them can be life changing. We as a society tend to take more care in helping girls navigate through these issues and changes than we do for boys. Boys, according to the book, have twice the harder time of it in so many areas yet again, they aren't tended to as girls are. I wonder how and when this can change.
I find the relationships between boys fascinating and it is so different than girls. Again, being a mom to boys, I see this from them, their friends, and the experiences raising them through the past 20 years. The frustration for me is when you send your boys into the world - how will people respond to them, help them, teach them, love them, interact with them. As a parent, you know your child very well. You have a very good idea how the child will do these things when put in the world - but how the world comes back at them can be life changing. We as a society tend to take more care in helping girls navigate through these issues and changes than we do for boys. Boys, according to the book, have twice the harder time of it in so many areas yet again, they aren't tended to as girls are. I wonder how and when this can change.
June 29, 2019
Boys are over diagnosed with ADHD and do less well in schools and end up in jail more often. How can we change this? Reichert shared his experience counselling boys:
1. Build strong bonds. Do not assume any bad behaviour as wilful misbehaving and testing the limits of power. Mothers must not withdraw from boys. Try and try again. Listen and do not give advice: attention, appreciation, affirmation. Be relaxed when confronted with bad behavior is key. Repair is always the job of the caregiver.
2. Ban hazing completely. Do not tolerate this tradition which the school board usually turns a blind eye to.
3. Arrange after school meeting in dangerous neighbourhoods to talk to them, let them play games and chit chat. Connections are vital to boys just like girls. Rugged individualism has no anatomic basis. Boys learn about character from how other people treat them.
4. Let boys talk about their emotions and struggles. The masculine requirement is harming their emotional health.
5. See connection between our own past hurt and the relationship problems with our sons.
6. Schooling: 4 common misconceptions. 1) Boys must act strong to avoid being bullies so do sports to increase their standing. 2) Schools are failing boys. 3) Boys will be boys so schools cannot help. 4) There are different learning styles.
7. Connection with the teacher is everything: a boy will do it for that someone with whom he has a connection. However it is not just all fuzzy warm feelings. Teachers need to know their stuff, expect high standards, be responsive to the boy’s strength, share a common interest or trait with the boy, accommodate the boy’s naughty behaviour, and be vulnerable.
8. Good grades and being in the fast lane do not get along. Boys are teased if they do their homework and study hard, by the boys at the ‘top’.
9. They drink, have early sex, bully others, and try marijuana. Inside they are lonely and scared. Connections with a good friend and family protect boys from self-destructive behavior.
10. Pornography: a strong foundation and good close male senior figure helps. Boys find it hard to have normal relationship with girls after watching pornography which is often degrading to women. Most boys (and more girls) prefer committed romantic relationships than hook-ups, contrary to cultural depiction of boys always wanting to score. Boys with distant relationship with mothers, and whose fathers treat their mothers with disrespect, find it hard to be emotionally close to or respect girls. Amazingly, listening is much more important than correcting behaviour.
11. Health: the masculine ideal does not do vaccines, wear sunscreens or seat belts. The ideal man also drink excessively, drive dangerously, and take more drugs. They do more suicides. So boys die more than girls.
12. Violence: traditional masculine myths such as toughness, dominance, repression of empathy and extreme competitiveness encourage violence in kids. And that persists into adulthood. Violence observed and heard about (80% of some neighbourhoods) affect boys’ development. Violence prevention programs try to avoid fighting, but boys feel that they need to fight to preserve their dignity, show their prowess and avoid being bullied. Solution? ‘Relationship with caring adults, on top of parents’ according to the CDC!
13. Bullying, hazing: only 2 effective methods: 1. Talk to parents. 2. Whole school anti-bullying integration into teaching. Staff must challenge bullying; victims are empowered, bullies are not tolerated, and their frustrated energy redirected. For boys who are already at risk, group therapy (intense mentoring, positive reinforcement of good behaviour) is effective.
14. Social Media: explain to boys that images involving pornography and alcohol, and tweets with racist/anti-social contents will adversely affect their chance of college admission and getting a job. Limit their use of social media, and use the smartphone together with boys.
15. Incels and men going it alone result from men feeling left behind by social development. These include the growing importance of soft skills, the diminishing returns of physical strength, the outsized importance of education, gender inequality, globalisation and immigration. Reichert is especially against ‘back to the old days’ advice from such authors as Jordan Peterson, because they are based more from ideology, not evidence.
16. Advocate for your son, celebrate boyhood. Understand their situation and discuss solutions. Stand firm with limits but in a considerate and thoughtful manner. Act like a coach. Encourage emotional expression, including anger but never violence or other destructive behaviours.
This is one of the rare books that is evidence based!
1. Build strong bonds. Do not assume any bad behaviour as wilful misbehaving and testing the limits of power. Mothers must not withdraw from boys. Try and try again. Listen and do not give advice: attention, appreciation, affirmation. Be relaxed when confronted with bad behavior is key. Repair is always the job of the caregiver.
2. Ban hazing completely. Do not tolerate this tradition which the school board usually turns a blind eye to.
3. Arrange after school meeting in dangerous neighbourhoods to talk to them, let them play games and chit chat. Connections are vital to boys just like girls. Rugged individualism has no anatomic basis. Boys learn about character from how other people treat them.
4. Let boys talk about their emotions and struggles. The masculine requirement is harming their emotional health.
5. See connection between our own past hurt and the relationship problems with our sons.
6. Schooling: 4 common misconceptions. 1) Boys must act strong to avoid being bullies so do sports to increase their standing. 2) Schools are failing boys. 3) Boys will be boys so schools cannot help. 4) There are different learning styles.
7. Connection with the teacher is everything: a boy will do it for that someone with whom he has a connection. However it is not just all fuzzy warm feelings. Teachers need to know their stuff, expect high standards, be responsive to the boy’s strength, share a common interest or trait with the boy, accommodate the boy’s naughty behaviour, and be vulnerable.
8. Good grades and being in the fast lane do not get along. Boys are teased if they do their homework and study hard, by the boys at the ‘top’.
9. They drink, have early sex, bully others, and try marijuana. Inside they are lonely and scared. Connections with a good friend and family protect boys from self-destructive behavior.
10. Pornography: a strong foundation and good close male senior figure helps. Boys find it hard to have normal relationship with girls after watching pornography which is often degrading to women. Most boys (and more girls) prefer committed romantic relationships than hook-ups, contrary to cultural depiction of boys always wanting to score. Boys with distant relationship with mothers, and whose fathers treat their mothers with disrespect, find it hard to be emotionally close to or respect girls. Amazingly, listening is much more important than correcting behaviour.
11. Health: the masculine ideal does not do vaccines, wear sunscreens or seat belts. The ideal man also drink excessively, drive dangerously, and take more drugs. They do more suicides. So boys die more than girls.
12. Violence: traditional masculine myths such as toughness, dominance, repression of empathy and extreme competitiveness encourage violence in kids. And that persists into adulthood. Violence observed and heard about (80% of some neighbourhoods) affect boys’ development. Violence prevention programs try to avoid fighting, but boys feel that they need to fight to preserve their dignity, show their prowess and avoid being bullied. Solution? ‘Relationship with caring adults, on top of parents’ according to the CDC!
13. Bullying, hazing: only 2 effective methods: 1. Talk to parents. 2. Whole school anti-bullying integration into teaching. Staff must challenge bullying; victims are empowered, bullies are not tolerated, and their frustrated energy redirected. For boys who are already at risk, group therapy (intense mentoring, positive reinforcement of good behaviour) is effective.
14. Social Media: explain to boys that images involving pornography and alcohol, and tweets with racist/anti-social contents will adversely affect their chance of college admission and getting a job. Limit their use of social media, and use the smartphone together with boys.
15. Incels and men going it alone result from men feeling left behind by social development. These include the growing importance of soft skills, the diminishing returns of physical strength, the outsized importance of education, gender inequality, globalisation and immigration. Reichert is especially against ‘back to the old days’ advice from such authors as Jordan Peterson, because they are based more from ideology, not evidence.
16. Advocate for your son, celebrate boyhood. Understand their situation and discuss solutions. Stand firm with limits but in a considerate and thoughtful manner. Act like a coach. Encourage emotional expression, including anger but never violence or other destructive behaviours.
This is one of the rare books that is evidence based!
October 22, 2020
„Nuo tos akimirkos, kai nustatoma, kad kūdikis bus vyriškosios lyties, net kai jis dar įsčiose, su berniuku jau elgiamasi kitaip nei su mergaite.”
Esu dviejų berniukų mama ir labai džiaugiuosi, kad vis garsiau kalbama apie stereotipus ir mitus, kuriais gausiai apipintas vyriškumas mūsų kultūroje. Pradedant žaislais, žaidimais, drabužiais ir baigiant elgesio normomis.
„Tikri vyrai neverkia”
„Pakentėk, būk vyras”
„Nebūk mamyčiukas”
„Neverkšlenk kaip boba”
Labai jautriai, nuoširdžiai ir pozityviai parašyta, atspindinti šiuolaikines aktualijas, knyga. Autorius nepamokslaudamas atsisako tradicinio pasaulio skirstymo į rožinį ir mėlyną. Jis į berniuką pirmiausia žiūri kaip į ŽMOGŲ, unikalią asmenybę, gebančią jausti įvairius jausmus ir emocijas, o ne tik chromosomų rinkinį. Rekomenduoju berniukų tėvams, darželių auklėtojams, mokytojams, treneriams ir visiems, kam rūpi berniukai.
Apžvalga: https://profesionalimama.wordpress.co...
Esu dviejų berniukų mama ir labai džiaugiuosi, kad vis garsiau kalbama apie stereotipus ir mitus, kuriais gausiai apipintas vyriškumas mūsų kultūroje. Pradedant žaislais, žaidimais, drabužiais ir baigiant elgesio normomis.
„Tikri vyrai neverkia”
„Pakentėk, būk vyras”
„Nebūk mamyčiukas”
„Neverkšlenk kaip boba”
Labai jautriai, nuoširdžiai ir pozityviai parašyta, atspindinti šiuolaikines aktualijas, knyga. Autorius nepamokslaudamas atsisako tradicinio pasaulio skirstymo į rožinį ir mėlyną. Jis į berniuką pirmiausia žiūri kaip į ŽMOGŲ, unikalią asmenybę, gebančią jausti įvairius jausmus ir emocijas, o ne tik chromosomų rinkinį. Rekomenduoju berniukų tėvams, darželių auklėtojams, mokytojams, treneriams ir visiems, kam rūpi berniukai.
Apžvalga: https://profesionalimama.wordpress.co...
May 12, 2019
I cannot express how profound this book is. If you have a son, if you work with boys, love a boy, or just know one; I am begging you to read this book. Dr. Reichert presents the most inspiring, hopeful portrait of boyhood I have ever read. He provides compelling research and information on how we are getting masculinity all wrong, how we are damaging our sons and how to fix it. Boys are hurting and in turn hurting others. They need deep, meaningful connections with others and the ability to express the full range of human emotions. Such important information. As a mother of four sons, I found this book especially powerful. I know you will too!
April 7, 2022
Dažniausiai praleidžiu komentarų skiltį, bet šį kartą negaliu. Knyga labai nuvylė, tikėjausu visai kitokio turinio. Atrodė kad skaitau nesibaigiantį mokslinį straipsnį su daug profesorių pavardžių, universitetų pavadinimų, straipsnių pavadinimų LT ir EN kalbomis. Vietomis net praverčiau puslapius nes pamiršti apie ką skaitai, kol perskaitai visas pavardes ir pavadinimus.
September 25, 2023
Z reguły omijam wszelkie publikacje poradnikowe szerokim łukiem, ale jako młody ojciec widzę, że czasem mnie tego typu chwytliwe tytuły potrafią złamać. Niestety książka Reicherta nie wnosi zbyt wiele odkrywczych rzeczy poza tym, co można dość łatwo zrozumieć po prostu czytając. Nadrzędna myślą autora jest to, że życiem chłopców nie rządzą chromosomy i hormony, a uwarunkowania społeczno-ekonomiczne, maczyzm, patriarchat i niezdolność, lub brak ogólnego przyzwolenia na wyrażanie przez nich innych emocji niż gniew. Nie trudno się jest oczywiście z tym wszystkim zgodzić, sama książką czyta się raczej kiepsko, a odpowiedź na pytanie zawarte w tytule można by zawrzeć w jednym rozdziale pod tytułem "buduj relacje, rozmawiaj, daj wyrażać emocje", co z resztą autor robi bodaj w ostatnim z nich. Reszta książki to wata o dokonaniach zawodowych autora i powtarzających się przykładach z życia jego pacjentów. Nic specjalnego.
June 5, 2019
I listened to the audiobook, the first time I have ever tried the format. This title would be fine for somebody who hasn't read into the topic before. However, having finished a couple of other similar works, this was too general, consistently repeating the importance of connection and covering all the stereotypical issues. I was hoping to find much more detailed and creative suggestions for building the father-son relationship, perhaps interviewing more families with successful outcomes. Given the vast quantity of research cited, I felt this book was very thin on helping the reader/listener to develop many specific action steps for building connections, and heavily focused on boys with significantly troubled family situations.
Also, I am the father of a now 5 and 3 year old. This book is almost all focused on adolescents.
Also, I am the father of a now 5 and 3 year old. This book is almost all focused on adolescents.
February 15, 2021
DR. MICHAEL C. REICHERT “KAIP UŽAUGINTI SŪNŲ. RYŠIO SVARBA AUGINANT BERNIUKUS.” (2020 M.) 5/5.
Knygoje pateikiamos naujausios psichologijos ir neuromokslų įžvalgos nekvestionuojamai suteiks daug žinių ar gražiai susistemins jau turimas visiems auginantiems berniukus ir paauglius. Tai svarbus traktatas ir MOKYKLOMS, ŠVIETIMO ĮSTAIGOMS, kurios irgi turi didelę įtaką formuojant jaunąjį žmogų. Tad labai norėtųsi, kad Lietuva, šiuo metu kurianti, svarstanti švietimo reformas, KAD ir tie atsakingieji asmenys PASKAITYTŲ ŠIĄ KNYGĄ. Labai rekomenduoju. Būtinai paskaitykite, nes labai svarbu.
Autorius remiasi galinga informacijos baze (10,5 lapų knygos gale skirta visoms cituotoms studijoms, moksliniams tyrimams, straipsniams ir t.t.) ir kalba apie poreikį keisti požiūrį į tai, kaip mes elgiamės su berniukais, kaip brukamas stereotipinis “toksiškas vyriškumas” ir nesąmoningai slopinamas emocinis intelektas. To pasekoje stebima destrukcinis elgesys paauglystėje, susvetimėjimas, maištas, muštynės, nesidomėjimas mokslu. Absoliučiai žalingą poveikį turi lyčių vaidmenų poliarizacija ir stereotipų gausus taikymas berniukus auklėjant/ auginant KITAIP nei mergaites. “Padauža” mergaitė yra viena, bet “lepūnėlis” berniukas- visai kas kita. Ir namie, ir žaidimų aikštelėje berniukai kur kas uoliau prižiūrimi, kad nenukryptų nuo nustatyto kurso.” (P. 23.)
“Kultūriškai paplitęs ir per žiniasklaidą sklebiamas IŠPŪSTAS VYRIŠKUMO SUPRATIMAS kursto berniukų ekstremalų elgesį.” P. 24.
Autorius parodo, kaip išankstinės nuostatos apie tai, koks TURI BŪTI berniukas ir kokias stereotipines vyriškumo normas jis TURI atitikti, YRA ŽALOJAMI berniukai ir jų psichologija. Toksiškas stoiškas darviniškasis vyriškumo kodas jau yra taip seniai atgyvenęs, bet vis dar nesąmoningai taikomas ugdant berniukus. Autorius išsamiai ir pagrįsdamas kalba apie viso to pasekmes.
Kartu, knygoje gausu ir rekomendacijų, KAIP mes visi - tiek tėvai, tiek mokytojai, mokyklos bendruomenės, visos visuomenės - galėtume pasipriešinti šioms atgyvenusioms “toksiško vyriškumo” paradigmoms ir geriau rūpintis tvirto ryšio užmezgimu ir leidimu berniukams augti glaudžiame ryšyje su jųjų vidiniu “aš.” Nes kuo labiau toliname ypač berniukus, vyrus nuo jų tikrojo savęs, tuo labiau nukenčia ne tik jie patys bet ir visa aplinka. Nes nieko nėra sunkiau, turbūt, kaip nuolat įrodynėti, kad atitinki kažkokias normas.
Autorius pozityviai ir viltingai žvelgia į šią temą. “…aš optimistiškai manau, kad šiuo metu bręsta istorinis perversmas. Nors į berniukus vis dar žiūrima laikantis praeityje susiformavusių mitų ir išankstinių nusistatymų, o nauja, palankesnė vyriškumo samprata dar neišstūmė paradigmų, prieštaravimai tarp ekonominių realijų, šeimos dinamikos ir tradicinių normų neišvengiamai verčia kitaip žvelgti į berniukų vaikystę. Nūdienos socialiniai poreikiai atskleidžia, koks ribojantis yra senasis berniukų vaikystės modelis, todėl naujos idėjos netruks paplisti.” P. 26-27.
Aš taip pat esu šios nuomonės, kad padėtis gerėja, nes daugėja sąmoningų tėvų ir visų ugdymo bendruomenių žmonių tiek berniukų, tiek mergaičių ugdymo klausimais. Globalusis internetas ir žinių visuomenė keičiasi progresyviomis naujienomis, edukacine informacija; tad mes visi, kritiškai mąstydami, vengdami išankstinių vertinimų ir atsižvelgdami į kiekvieno- tiek mažo, tiek suaugusio- žmogaus teisę į unikalumą ir savastį, atidžiau įsiklausysime ir pamatysime visus žmones pagal jų potencialą. Tiesiog LEISKIME BŪTI. Ir labai svarbu visada visada kvestionuoti VISUOTINĘ IŠMINTĮ. Nuolat klausti ir klausyti savęs ir savo intuicijos.
Knygoje pateikiamos naujausios psichologijos ir neuromokslų įžvalgos nekvestionuojamai suteiks daug žinių ar gražiai susistemins jau turimas visiems auginantiems berniukus ir paauglius. Tai svarbus traktatas ir MOKYKLOMS, ŠVIETIMO ĮSTAIGOMS, kurios irgi turi didelę įtaką formuojant jaunąjį žmogų. Tad labai norėtųsi, kad Lietuva, šiuo metu kurianti, svarstanti švietimo reformas, KAD ir tie atsakingieji asmenys PASKAITYTŲ ŠIĄ KNYGĄ. Labai rekomenduoju. Būtinai paskaitykite, nes labai svarbu.
Autorius remiasi galinga informacijos baze (10,5 lapų knygos gale skirta visoms cituotoms studijoms, moksliniams tyrimams, straipsniams ir t.t.) ir kalba apie poreikį keisti požiūrį į tai, kaip mes elgiamės su berniukais, kaip brukamas stereotipinis “toksiškas vyriškumas” ir nesąmoningai slopinamas emocinis intelektas. To pasekoje stebima destrukcinis elgesys paauglystėje, susvetimėjimas, maištas, muštynės, nesidomėjimas mokslu. Absoliučiai žalingą poveikį turi lyčių vaidmenų poliarizacija ir stereotipų gausus taikymas berniukus auklėjant/ auginant KITAIP nei mergaites. “Padauža” mergaitė yra viena, bet “lepūnėlis” berniukas- visai kas kita. Ir namie, ir žaidimų aikštelėje berniukai kur kas uoliau prižiūrimi, kad nenukryptų nuo nustatyto kurso.” (P. 23.)
“Kultūriškai paplitęs ir per žiniasklaidą sklebiamas IŠPŪSTAS VYRIŠKUMO SUPRATIMAS kursto berniukų ekstremalų elgesį.” P. 24.
Autorius parodo, kaip išankstinės nuostatos apie tai, koks TURI BŪTI berniukas ir kokias stereotipines vyriškumo normas jis TURI atitikti, YRA ŽALOJAMI berniukai ir jų psichologija. Toksiškas stoiškas darviniškasis vyriškumo kodas jau yra taip seniai atgyvenęs, bet vis dar nesąmoningai taikomas ugdant berniukus. Autorius išsamiai ir pagrįsdamas kalba apie viso to pasekmes.
Kartu, knygoje gausu ir rekomendacijų, KAIP mes visi - tiek tėvai, tiek mokytojai, mokyklos bendruomenės, visos visuomenės - galėtume pasipriešinti šioms atgyvenusioms “toksiško vyriškumo” paradigmoms ir geriau rūpintis tvirto ryšio užmezgimu ir leidimu berniukams augti glaudžiame ryšyje su jųjų vidiniu “aš.” Nes kuo labiau toliname ypač berniukus, vyrus nuo jų tikrojo savęs, tuo labiau nukenčia ne tik jie patys bet ir visa aplinka. Nes nieko nėra sunkiau, turbūt, kaip nuolat įrodynėti, kad atitinki kažkokias normas.
Autorius pozityviai ir viltingai žvelgia į šią temą. “…aš optimistiškai manau, kad šiuo metu bręsta istorinis perversmas. Nors į berniukus vis dar žiūrima laikantis praeityje susiformavusių mitų ir išankstinių nusistatymų, o nauja, palankesnė vyriškumo samprata dar neišstūmė paradigmų, prieštaravimai tarp ekonominių realijų, šeimos dinamikos ir tradicinių normų neišvengiamai verčia kitaip žvelgti į berniukų vaikystę. Nūdienos socialiniai poreikiai atskleidžia, koks ribojantis yra senasis berniukų vaikystės modelis, todėl naujos idėjos netruks paplisti.” P. 26-27.
Aš taip pat esu šios nuomonės, kad padėtis gerėja, nes daugėja sąmoningų tėvų ir visų ugdymo bendruomenių žmonių tiek berniukų, tiek mergaičių ugdymo klausimais. Globalusis internetas ir žinių visuomenė keičiasi progresyviomis naujienomis, edukacine informacija; tad mes visi, kritiškai mąstydami, vengdami išankstinių vertinimų ir atsižvelgdami į kiekvieno- tiek mažo, tiek suaugusio- žmogaus teisę į unikalumą ir savastį, atidžiau įsiklausysime ir pamatysime visus žmones pagal jų potencialą. Tiesiog LEISKIME BŪTI. Ir labai svarbu visada visada kvestionuoti VISUOTINĘ IŠMINTĮ. Nuolat klausti ir klausyti savęs ir savo intuicijos.
March 22, 2020
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How to Raise a Boy ⠀
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I'm doing a lot of reading on #menswork , on being a man. ⠀
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It's beneficial to me, even at 40+, but it's not necessarily for me. ⠀
⠀
I have two sons. Two boys. Two future men. I need them to be better than me. The world needs them to be better than me. ⠀
⠀
That is the point of every generation, of evolution. To evolve. To improve. To leave those after you better than you, better than those before you. ⠀
⠀
The main takeaway I took from this book was in the sub-title "The Power of Connection to Build Good Men". ⠀
⠀
Our boys need connection. ⠀
⠀
They need parents who are their for them, regardless of their issues. ⠀
⠀
To actively listen without judgement. ⠀
⠀
To allow them to express their emotions without a "man up" or "suck it up". ⠀
⠀
When you get right down to it, the book isn't calling for a lot. It's calling for you to be there for your child, mentally, physically, emotionally. ⠀
⠀
To put down the phone, to walk away from your "work". To prioritize them. To prioritize their emotions, their development. ⠀
⠀
It's a lot to unpack. I need to review my notes, to type up a playlist. ⠀
⠀
I do realize #COVID isn't all bad. I'm quarantined with these two great young men. I get to spend quality time with them. To talk, to listen. ⠀
⠀
We workout. We talk superficially. We talk deeply. We connect. We bond. They grow. They fee safe. They feel protected. They feel I have their back. ⠀
⠀
Thanks #COVID for something. ⠀
⠀
⠀
How to Raise a Boy ⠀
⠀
⠀
I'm doing a lot of reading on #menswork , on being a man. ⠀
⠀
It's beneficial to me, even at 40+, but it's not necessarily for me. ⠀
⠀
I have two sons. Two boys. Two future men. I need them to be better than me. The world needs them to be better than me. ⠀
⠀
That is the point of every generation, of evolution. To evolve. To improve. To leave those after you better than you, better than those before you. ⠀
⠀
The main takeaway I took from this book was in the sub-title "The Power of Connection to Build Good Men". ⠀
⠀
Our boys need connection. ⠀
⠀
They need parents who are their for them, regardless of their issues. ⠀
⠀
To actively listen without judgement. ⠀
⠀
To allow them to express their emotions without a "man up" or "suck it up". ⠀
⠀
When you get right down to it, the book isn't calling for a lot. It's calling for you to be there for your child, mentally, physically, emotionally. ⠀
⠀
To put down the phone, to walk away from your "work". To prioritize them. To prioritize their emotions, their development. ⠀
⠀
It's a lot to unpack. I need to review my notes, to type up a playlist. ⠀
⠀
I do realize #COVID isn't all bad. I'm quarantined with these two great young men. I get to spend quality time with them. To talk, to listen. ⠀
⠀
We workout. We talk superficially. We talk deeply. We connect. We bond. They grow. They fee safe. They feel protected. They feel I have their back. ⠀
⠀
Thanks #COVID for something. ⠀
⠀
⠀
November 19, 2023
This was great. I cried! Its emphasis on protecting boys’ humanity through loving, rock solid, nonjudgmental relationships was deeply moving. I also appreciated the long discussions of the role teachers can play in affirming boys’ essential goodness and helping them reconnect with warm relationships that help them withstand damaging social messaging. It definitely made me examine some of my own past assumptions about male students who seem disengaged or disruptive in class. Very much enjoyed, though I think some of the later chapters sort of meander a bit and could’ve been condensed.
June 21, 2022
Dar viena knyga apie vaikus ir jų auklėjimą. Tačiau ši orientuota tiktai į berniukus, kaip juos auklėti ir ko nedaryti. Daugybės rekomendacijų sulaukusi knyga. Knyga, kuri nėra parašyta remiantis tik moksliška informacija. Skaitosi tikrai lengvai, neapkrauta per daug statistikos ar neįdomių faktų. Gausu pavyzdžių, patarimų, tačiau, kad būtų kažkas wow... dėja. Kam ši knyga būtų aktuali? Tai pirmiausia tiems, kam ji bus pirmoji knyga kalbanti šia tema. Knygoje tikrai kalbama nuo pačių mažiausių iki jaunuolių, nuo prisitaikymo darželyje iki seksualinių potyrių ir paauglystės. Duoda ne vieną patarimą tiek mokytojams, kaip prieiti prie užsisklendusio vaiko, tiek tėvams, ieškantiems kelio su nekalbančiu jų sūnumi. Kaip ir minėjau, skaičiau ne vieną jau knygą apie vaikus (kadangi šiuo metu man tai labai auktualu), tad šioje knugoje man nebuvo labai daug kažko naujo ar įdomaus.
March 2, 2023
Neradau tai, ko ieškojau. Man, kaip moteriškei, norėjosi išsamesnių pavyzdžių ir elgesio modelių.
May 24, 2019
This book changed how I parent my boys. I have a three year old and six year old. As you might imagine, they are sometimes hard to manage/discipline/get through to. Michael C. Reichert’s advice to provide predictable, dependable, special alone time with each boy, to let them dictate what we do, to listen them, even if it’s uncomfortable or awkward, even if I am triggered and don’t want them to be feeling what they are feeling, to be with them anyway, to stay connected, was all so revelatory to me. I loved what he says about every relationship going through a cycle or connection, disconnect and reconnection, and that as parents, we have to show and teach our kids how to reconnect; they don’t know how to do it. I wished I had been parented that way. I still, to this day, feel scared and alone when I’m in the stage of disconnection. This is hard work, but worth the effort. I imagine it like meditation. You’re not going to perfectly erase your mind of thoughts, but you can keep trying to let them go. This relational approach to nurturing boys and being the guardian of their boyhood demands open-hearted presence. I am up for the challenge. Are you? I hope so!
August 31, 2021
„Santykiai su svarbiu žmogumi - tai tarsi kompasas, rodantis kelią jų sunkiame kelyje į vyriškumą.“
„Geriausias būdas ugdyti gerus vyrus - užmegzti su jais santykius, kur berniukai būtų pripažįstami ir mylimi.“
„<...> žmoniškumo ugdymas yra galinga ir patikima jėga. Jei elgiamės tinkamai, paisome savo vaikų reikmių, jiems puikiai sekasi. Berniukai, glaudžiais ryšiais susiję su palaikančiais tėvais, mokytojais, mentoriais ir treneriais, gali būti savimi, o jų žmoniškumas klesti.“
Kaip beveik ketverių sūnaus mama, manau, kad esu perskaičiusi per mažai apie berniukus ir jų auginimą. Iki šios knygos buvau perskaičiusi vieną knygą, iš kurios liko tik vienas prisiminimas - berniukui būtinas suaugusio vyro pavyzdys. Ši knyga papildė žinias ir kartu įrodė, kad berniukui - nėra būtinas tik suaugusio vyro pavyzdys. Šios knygos autorius teigia, kad pavyzdžiu tikrai gali būti ir mama. O pagrindinė tema, kaip užauginti berniuką, kad jis taptų geru ir laimingu vyru, pasak autoriaus, yra paprasta - užmegzti gerus, tvirtus ir žmogiškus santykius su berniuku. Šioje knygoje akcentuojami ryšiai su tėvais, mentoriais, mokytojais ir kt. berniuko kelyje pasirodžiusiais suaugusiais. Kadangi pati pritariu išsakytoms autoriaus mintims, tai ir knyga patiko.
„Geriausias būdas ugdyti gerus vyrus - užmegzti su jais santykius, kur berniukai būtų pripažįstami ir mylimi.“
„<...> žmoniškumo ugdymas yra galinga ir patikima jėga. Jei elgiamės tinkamai, paisome savo vaikų reikmių, jiems puikiai sekasi. Berniukai, glaudžiais ryšiais susiję su palaikančiais tėvais, mokytojais, mentoriais ir treneriais, gali būti savimi, o jų žmoniškumas klesti.“
Kaip beveik ketverių sūnaus mama, manau, kad esu perskaičiusi per mažai apie berniukus ir jų auginimą. Iki šios knygos buvau perskaičiusi vieną knygą, iš kurios liko tik vienas prisiminimas - berniukui būtinas suaugusio vyro pavyzdys. Ši knyga papildė žinias ir kartu įrodė, kad berniukui - nėra būtinas tik suaugusio vyro pavyzdys. Šios knygos autorius teigia, kad pavyzdžiu tikrai gali būti ir mama. O pagrindinė tema, kaip užauginti berniuką, kad jis taptų geru ir laimingu vyru, pasak autoriaus, yra paprasta - užmegzti gerus, tvirtus ir žmogiškus santykius su berniuku. Šioje knygoje akcentuojami ryšiai su tėvais, mentoriais, mokytojais ir kt. berniuko kelyje pasirodžiusiais suaugusiais. Kadangi pati pritariu išsakytoms autoriaus mintims, tai ir knyga patiko.
July 24, 2024
Mano manymu, tokios knygos turi būti parašytos aiškiai, paprastai, suprantamai ir įdomiai. Nes prireikė labai daug valios pastangų sutelkti dėmesį, suprasti, ką skaitau. Turiu omenyje, kad yra naudingos informacijos, bet pateikimas netikęs. Aišku, lyginu su tuo, kad skaičiau ir daug labiau patiko "Augant Kainui" bei "Kaip auginti berniukus XXI amžiuje".
Cituoju, kas atkreipė dėmesį:
"<...> berniukai ir mergaitės skirtingai reiškia emocijas, o ne skirtingai jas patiria."
"Kai berniukas neįsitraukęs į mokslus, tradicinio paaiškinimo, kad jam "tiesiog nerūpi", negana. Nerūpėjimas - pasekmė, bet ne priežastis."
"Geriausias būdas ugdyti gerus vyrus - užmegzti su jais santykius, kur berniukai būtų pripažįstami ir mylimi."
Cituoju, kas atkreipė dėmesį:
"<...> berniukai ir mergaitės skirtingai reiškia emocijas, o ne skirtingai jas patiria."
"Kai berniukas neįsitraukęs į mokslus, tradicinio paaiškinimo, kad jam "tiesiog nerūpi", negana. Nerūpėjimas - pasekmė, bet ne priežastis."
"Geriausias būdas ugdyti gerus vyrus - užmegzti su jais santykius, kur berniukai būtų pripažįstami ir mylimi."
January 16, 2022
I'm raising two boys, so I hoped I can get inspired or guided by this book on how to raise them in the best manner and help them to overcome obstacles in their lives, especially stereotypical ones related to the male gender.
The book has reviewed a great number of researches about boys, their feelings and urge for connections, but I missed some deeper analysis or examples of how not only what.
The author gives many, but way too shallow examples from his practices, he says that sometimes parents lose the connection with a boy and it's necessary to help to restore it, but forgets to give deeper tips on what helps to do that, especially in different age groups.
And one more thing was a bit bothering me - cultural aspect. There was a lot about American culture and its system, and for international readers, some parts didn’t make sense.
A bit disappointed, but maybe expected too much.
The positive note about this book is that it has a great mission to talk loudly about our stereotypical mind and society and how it affects boys from an early age.
The book has reviewed a great number of researches about boys, their feelings and urge for connections, but I missed some deeper analysis or examples of how not only what.
The author gives many, but way too shallow examples from his practices, he says that sometimes parents lose the connection with a boy and it's necessary to help to restore it, but forgets to give deeper tips on what helps to do that, especially in different age groups.
And one more thing was a bit bothering me - cultural aspect. There was a lot about American culture and its system, and for international readers, some parts didn’t make sense.
A bit disappointed, but maybe expected too much.
The positive note about this book is that it has a great mission to talk loudly about our stereotypical mind and society and how it affects boys from an early age.
November 9, 2019
I really struggled to get into this book, and eventually gave up. The structure of each chapter and the writing didn't draw me in. Through the expository part, the frequent anecdotes, and citations, I found it hard to figure out exactly what he was telling me to DO.
I also struggled to follow the author's approach to facts. He claims that boys are different than girls and need to be treated differently. But he also says boys behavior is sociologically based and that biological determinism is pseudoscience. He also cites copious social science studies that are entirely correlative as if they are fact.
That said, my skim suggests he's not saying much that most other 'boy books' don't. He says to keep the lines of communication open, that boys need mentors, and that they need friendships with other boys. His new spin is to say that boys really want to be emotionally open and vulnerable, including with their parents. I can believe that. I just wish he took less time to say it.
I also struggled to follow the author's approach to facts. He claims that boys are different than girls and need to be treated differently. But he also says boys behavior is sociologically based and that biological determinism is pseudoscience. He also cites copious social science studies that are entirely correlative as if they are fact.
That said, my skim suggests he's not saying much that most other 'boy books' don't. He says to keep the lines of communication open, that boys need mentors, and that they need friendships with other boys. His new spin is to say that boys really want to be emotionally open and vulnerable, including with their parents. I can believe that. I just wish he took less time to say it.
July 1, 2021
Knyga nebloga, ir autorius jaučiasi kad nuoširdžiai myli tai ką daro, galbūt tik mano lūkesčiai buvo kitokie. Vis laukiau atsakymo, tai kaip gi ji uagint, o visas knygos turinys buvo apie problemas su kuriais susiduria vyrai... Tik į pabaigą gavau šiek tiek atsakymų, kurie manau rūpi tevams kurie įsigija tokia knygą. Bet keli faktai, citatos, verti dėmesio ir pamąstymų.
April 1, 2024
It’s not a parenting book. I tend to stray away from any books that are written about “how to raise kids”, because no one can truly tell you how to raise your children. This book, however, is an evidence-based collection of real life stories, experiences, studies (all cited, love that) that tell a message about how old school cultural norms are failing our new generations of boys, growing into men. It was a fantastic book & I encourage anyone who cares for young boys in any capacity, whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, counselor, to give this book a read. “Holding boys in relationships where they are known and loved is the best way to build good men.”
August 24, 2019
I could not finish reading this book it was slow and I thought it was a little bit boring.
December 8, 2021
Good ideas. Lots to chew on
November 28, 2024
Loved this book on raising emotionally intelligent boys.
October 26, 2025
Totally agree with the author's points but it could have been much more succinct.
February 25, 2024
I found this book to be too general for what I was looking for. He talks about general concepts regarding the challenges of raising boys, sites large studies, and mentions his own specific instances. However he doesn’t give much insight on practical application of skills to overcome these challenges other than “connecting” with your son.
September 12, 2025
This resonated with me. I was glad to find that the author's conclusions are based on scientific data and his experience as a counsellor and psychologist. I expected to learn skills to help me raise our son but didn't expect to also gain insights into how I was raised and how I can help other boys in my life. Recommended.
November 12, 2024
Good book, but I was hoping for more tools and techniques on how to put the concepts into practice.
January 19, 2024
Can I admit I was nervous to read this book? I'm a mom of two boys and was nervous this book was going to be a bunch of stereotyped garbage without much to back it up. What I found instead was an incredibly thoughtful book about 1) the very real social pressures that men and boys face - the penalties for not fitting into the "man" box - but also 2) what parents and teachers can do to help create more space for boys become who they truly are. It both help reassure me that we're on the right track, gave me a foundation to start discussions with my husband, and gave me some additional perspective into the challenges we might prepare for as they grow up.
March 19, 2021
Reichert taps into all of the latest psychological, neurological, biological, social, cybersocial, relational, and philosophical studies of how boys grow, think, and feel and, unfortunately, how they are almost all underserved by today's society, teachers, coaches, and parents. It's no revelation that boys (and men) today find themselves at a tricky crossroads. As social movements and awareness push us (albeit not quickly enough) toward greater equality, justice, and virtue, the way we view and nurture boys is still operating on old, outdated, and ineffective paradigms. Where girls and women have made incredible and vital strides in broadening our notions of what a girl is and can be, boys consistently still get shoved into the narrow so-called "Man Box." The result is higher rates of violence, suicide, depression, neurosis, academic and relational failure, and loneliness. Reichert argues persuasively that the key missing ingredient is relational--boys crave and need intimate, emotional relationships with trusted adults in their lives. He points to the latest neurological and psychological studies to show that boys are just as emotional as girls, their needs are just as emotional, and they may even have a greater dependence on relationships for success. Reichert mostly writes for parents/coaches/teachers of boys who are older than my own sons, but I see truth in his analyses in my boys. I also see common shortcomings in how I parent. Reichert does a great job establishing the high stakes of getting boyhood right and of how "simple" the solution can be--just time and attention, devoted warmly and without judgment to a boy, along with consistent reminders that you know and love who he is regardless of how he performs. It's not new, but it still feels revolutionary because society and culture are stacked against it. Reichert, a psychologist, shares some stories of boys he has encountered to illustrate his point, and I feel these passages are either too short or idealized to be very effective. I wish he spent more time on times when things did not eventually go well. Even his breakthroughs with his hardest cases sound like assured successes. But he makes strong points nonetheless. I appreciated his criticisms and taking to task of so-called "traditionalists" like Jordan Peterson, who seem wedded to those outdated, ineffective paradigms. It is refreshing to read a book that reaffirms what you are doing right and then, without judgment, allow you to see where you might do things better. It is kind of like the approach Reichert encourages parents to take with their sons.
January 26, 2023
This is for boys of all ages
This one is personal, and I took as much time as needed to slowly digest the lessons in the book. Because my little boy is growing up fast, closer to his tweens now and along with it comes the growing dilemmas of all young teenage boys. So I need to understand more about his inner struggles and feelings and how to best help him and cater to his needs.
This book is a great source of information to learn just that. Written by an applied psychologist Dr. Michael C. Reichert who has studied and worked with children for more than 3 decades. To make his points across, apart from his own expertise in the field, Dr. Reichert also use a tremendous list of books, publications, huge amount of data, and most importantly real life cases of “troubled boys” and the responding approaches to properly solve the problems.
Here are the bottom lines: 1. be the boy’s safety net. Not necessarily to always rushing to rescue him, but to notify him that he is not alone and we will stand with him and provide a shield if necessary. 2. Offer relationship with a strong sense of self, that our relationship with him is their primary fortification, to prevent overcompromise. 3. Encourage emotional expression. 4. Exercise authority. 5. But also promote autonomy.
Now, here are few key messages from the book that I think worth a little elaboration:
Firstly, the vital importance of good communication. Such as listening without judgement or without adding any opinion, to make the boy felt heard and understood. As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[t]here are several rules to get the most out of special time: not giving advice, not dividing attention among other tasks, not talking to others or interrupting the time that’s been promised, and not modifying the activity the boy has chosen, no matter how hard it might be to see its point.” Or simply put, “boys want what everyone wants: to talk with someone who will listen, understand, and care.”
This includes the importance for us to acknowledge their feelings (and not being dismissive), and our reliability in their eyes: “Alone with their own feelings and reactions, children feel frightened and insecure. Research on secure attachments teaches that children who are able to depend on their caregivers are stronger, happier, and more confident.”
Secondly, on shame. The book addresses the brave “face” that boys are putting while having emotional turmoils inside, to hide shame. As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[k]eeping secrets is a normative part of boyhood. But bottling up feelings never works very well, often leaking into behaviour.” Dr. Reichert then added, “feelings of shame can cause a boy to isolate himself in order to still anxious self-criticism.” Again, just like the next two points, establishing a good rapport with the boy and a good communication are the absolute keys.
Thirdly, just like the rest of us, boys are the product of their environment. The many stories told in this book illustrate the behaviour change on them after a traumatic thing happened, whether domestic violence, bad neighbourhood, bullying, or many others, with them unable to properly processed what happened and instead resort to rebelliousness or sinking to a secluded depression. The key problem lies in the way they decide to keep the story and the emotions to themselves. As Dr. Reichert commented, “once the habit of keeping things to himself was established, it took deeper root.”
Fourthly, the pattern of male isolation. As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[t]he pattern of male isolation develops early. Normal feelings of wanting to be close with his mother, for example, become suspect when a boy receives messages that he should be tough, independent, and self-sufficient.” This is a crucial point in a boy’s transition from a young kid to a teenager (those difficult years), where according to psychologist William Pollack, “[t]his painful separation process by which many very young boys are shamed into withdrawing from their mothers more than they naturally want to, and then are only partially nurtured by their fathers, is a devastating disruption in a boy’s emotional life.”
Indeed being a boy is not easy, with all the pressure from society to “man up” or “rough it out” and trying their best not to be seen as a “mama’s boy.” And the book is not easy to read either, as it dived deep into the most chaotic and messy problems that boys have, but that’s exactly what the book is written for, to address all of the issues.
The book then proceeded to cover a lot of topics that expand from these 4 key messages, including popularity contest, romantic relationship, the awkward conversation about sexual desires, body and health, playing sports, drugs and alcohol, self harm, integrity, bullying, how to respond to violence, and so much more, including that delicate situation when our boy is starting to crave for more independence from us.
It’s heartbreaking to read all the struggles that the boys are having in the book, whether those who were successful on turning things around or those who don’t and became a cautionary tale. And to my surprise, I can identify some of those struggles in my own experience. Even today as an adult. I didn’t know this was a problem or that isn’t supposed to be the way we feel, and there’s actually a healthier way to express/solve them.
As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[i]t has surprised me how often, as boys grow into men with deeper voices and bigger muscles, parents forget that they still need care and protection. The myth that a man bears responsibility on his own seeps into relationships with boys as they grow.”
Like I said, this one is personal.
This one is personal, and I took as much time as needed to slowly digest the lessons in the book. Because my little boy is growing up fast, closer to his tweens now and along with it comes the growing dilemmas of all young teenage boys. So I need to understand more about his inner struggles and feelings and how to best help him and cater to his needs.
This book is a great source of information to learn just that. Written by an applied psychologist Dr. Michael C. Reichert who has studied and worked with children for more than 3 decades. To make his points across, apart from his own expertise in the field, Dr. Reichert also use a tremendous list of books, publications, huge amount of data, and most importantly real life cases of “troubled boys” and the responding approaches to properly solve the problems.
Here are the bottom lines: 1. be the boy’s safety net. Not necessarily to always rushing to rescue him, but to notify him that he is not alone and we will stand with him and provide a shield if necessary. 2. Offer relationship with a strong sense of self, that our relationship with him is their primary fortification, to prevent overcompromise. 3. Encourage emotional expression. 4. Exercise authority. 5. But also promote autonomy.
Now, here are few key messages from the book that I think worth a little elaboration:
Firstly, the vital importance of good communication. Such as listening without judgement or without adding any opinion, to make the boy felt heard and understood. As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[t]here are several rules to get the most out of special time: not giving advice, not dividing attention among other tasks, not talking to others or interrupting the time that’s been promised, and not modifying the activity the boy has chosen, no matter how hard it might be to see its point.” Or simply put, “boys want what everyone wants: to talk with someone who will listen, understand, and care.”
This includes the importance for us to acknowledge their feelings (and not being dismissive), and our reliability in their eyes: “Alone with their own feelings and reactions, children feel frightened and insecure. Research on secure attachments teaches that children who are able to depend on their caregivers are stronger, happier, and more confident.”
Secondly, on shame. The book addresses the brave “face” that boys are putting while having emotional turmoils inside, to hide shame. As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[k]eeping secrets is a normative part of boyhood. But bottling up feelings never works very well, often leaking into behaviour.” Dr. Reichert then added, “feelings of shame can cause a boy to isolate himself in order to still anxious self-criticism.” Again, just like the next two points, establishing a good rapport with the boy and a good communication are the absolute keys.
Thirdly, just like the rest of us, boys are the product of their environment. The many stories told in this book illustrate the behaviour change on them after a traumatic thing happened, whether domestic violence, bad neighbourhood, bullying, or many others, with them unable to properly processed what happened and instead resort to rebelliousness or sinking to a secluded depression. The key problem lies in the way they decide to keep the story and the emotions to themselves. As Dr. Reichert commented, “once the habit of keeping things to himself was established, it took deeper root.”
Fourthly, the pattern of male isolation. As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[t]he pattern of male isolation develops early. Normal feelings of wanting to be close with his mother, for example, become suspect when a boy receives messages that he should be tough, independent, and self-sufficient.” This is a crucial point in a boy’s transition from a young kid to a teenager (those difficult years), where according to psychologist William Pollack, “[t]his painful separation process by which many very young boys are shamed into withdrawing from their mothers more than they naturally want to, and then are only partially nurtured by their fathers, is a devastating disruption in a boy’s emotional life.”
Indeed being a boy is not easy, with all the pressure from society to “man up” or “rough it out” and trying their best not to be seen as a “mama’s boy.” And the book is not easy to read either, as it dived deep into the most chaotic and messy problems that boys have, but that’s exactly what the book is written for, to address all of the issues.
The book then proceeded to cover a lot of topics that expand from these 4 key messages, including popularity contest, romantic relationship, the awkward conversation about sexual desires, body and health, playing sports, drugs and alcohol, self harm, integrity, bullying, how to respond to violence, and so much more, including that delicate situation when our boy is starting to crave for more independence from us.
It’s heartbreaking to read all the struggles that the boys are having in the book, whether those who were successful on turning things around or those who don’t and became a cautionary tale. And to my surprise, I can identify some of those struggles in my own experience. Even today as an adult. I didn’t know this was a problem or that isn’t supposed to be the way we feel, and there’s actually a healthier way to express/solve them.
As Dr. Reichert remarks, “[i]t has surprised me how often, as boys grow into men with deeper voices and bigger muscles, parents forget that they still need care and protection. The myth that a man bears responsibility on his own seeps into relationships with boys as they grow.”
Like I said, this one is personal.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 96 reviews