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How Not to Be a Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide
On the one hand, nobody wants to be a dick. On the other hand, dicks are everywhere! They cut in line, talk behind our backs, recline into our seats, and even have the power to morph into trolls online. Their powers are impressive, but with a little foresight and thoughtfulness, we can take a stand against dickishness today. How Not to Be a Dick is packed with honest and straightforward advice, but it also includes playful illustrations showing two well-meaning (but not always well behaved) young people as they confront moments of potential dickishness in their everyday lives. Sometimes they falter, sometimes they triumph, but they always seek to find a better way. And with their help, you can too.
192 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2013
132 people are currently reading
1471 people want to read
About the author
Meghan Doherty
6 books21 followersMeghan Doherty has written for the Brooklyn-based web magazine, Brokelyn.com, and has created illustrations, websites and posters for a variety of clients. She currently lives in Brooklyn, New York, and How Not to Be a Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide is her first book.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
October 5, 2019
great title, okay book.
it is probably better than okay; i am just being a dick.
the advice is good, but i am baffled about who the target audience is meant to be. it is published as "children's nonfiction" on "houghton mifflin harcourt children's book group," but so many of the situations are not applicable to children: how not to be a dick to your boss, how not to be a dick when you are the boss, the perils of sexting, online dating tips, how not to be a dick when drunk and tempted to yell "dogs are little people!" (although it does coyly refer to this situation as when you have had too many "sugary beverages," and are on a "sugar high," or have had "too much punch" and should not be driving, and how to not harass the "soda jerk" to whom you may find yourself attracted at the "drugstore" etc etc.)
but then later it does refer explicitly to 40's.
there is also a section about how to handle "sleepover" parties and the "extended sleepover." it is oblique, but we know what this means:
When hosting a sleepover, be considerate of your roommates and any other people who share your space. Staying up late and making loud noises will disrupt their lives (and sleeping patterns). So try to keep any noise or disruptions to a minimum.
keep your o's down, people!!
so i don't think this is really for kids, although they do grow up so fast...
but it isn't funny enough to be a satirical little book for adults.
so i am somewhere in the middle.
the advice is good, i'm not gonna lie.
you will learn to not yell "oi!" or "you are the worst!!" at your server in a restaurant.
not to spit on food to claim it as your own
not to pee in the shower (oops)
not to steal people's hair
not to say to people to whom you are attracted, your skin is like cream cheese.
not to say when calling out of work: I think I am dying…of a shark bite.
or in a meeting: I see what you are saying about our sales this quarter. More important, when can we get an office dog?
that this is too much when trying to flirt: I love dogs! I respect women! I have an extra pudding pack!
not to crotch-stare: When other people know you want to undress them with your eyes, then it makes it all the more considerate and respectful when you don't.
and many general guidelines about self-confidence, slowing yourself down in tense situations before you say something regrettable, tolerance of the differences of others, and how to maintain personal space.
and it's generally cute. it has a hearty tone that frequently sounds like an ESL textbook:
-I would like a ham sandwich. Thank you for your help!
-I have made a mistake.
-I respect myself, and I don't need to send pictures of my ding dong to strangers for attention.
-Hi there, colleague. I would really like to kiss you while we make copies, but I will take you to dinner instead.
-I fell off my trike once! Saw some cheese and just lost my concentration. Let me tell you about my cheese company!
-I can't let this disagreement ruin the awesomeness club that is us!
-I am mad about so many things that I'm not articulating right now!
-Thank you so much for passing the meatloaf. So graceful and apt. I'm going to ask you to pass plates of food more often, you're so good.
also a strange fascination both with tricycles and cheese logs, and one really puzzling picture i don't understand of what looks like macaroni art of a penis?? that one i will need explained to me please.
there are tips for when you are attending a party: If the place is decorated, comment on how lovely it looks. If that's not possible, mention how much you like the music. If that is also difficult, ask where the bathroom is.
this is noteworthy because it reminds me of that excellent passage from Going Down which i do not have handy right now to quote, but it is great, and if you have read it, you know which one i mean.
and as someone who worked retail for countless years, this was appreciated:
If you need help finding something or getting something down from a high shelf, look for someone to help you. Don't stand in the aisle shouting for help.
yes. this.
and there was a little nod to the artist formerly known as bird brian:
You may think you're talking in secret behind someone's back, but in this day and age, someone's probably recording or retweeting you. Everyone will eventually know who said what, so nip that nastiness in the bud.
and the entire chapter about internet etiquette is one that i found particularly helpful and i am typing out great chunks of it now, so it will be easier for me to cut and paste next troll i get:
-if you read something that makes you angry, take a breath and make sure you aren't about to act like a dick.
-The internet creates a mask of privacy and anonymity. This can sometimes lead us to say and act online in ways we wouldn't if we were speaking with someone face to face. On the internet, we may feel freer to use profanity and hateful language. We may be quicker to express our anger and disapproval. We may even take pleasure in deliberately leaving hurtful comments on sites and with people or groups we don't like. This is called "trolling."
-Sometimes, the subject of an argument isn't worth fighting over, and the best strategy is to agree to disagree. Each person's point of view can be valid. If you try to convince other people that they're wrong, you run the risk of saying something mean and making the argument personal - "your face looks like a butt."
-And remember that the world is a diverse place with many points of view. Just because people share their points of view doesn't mean that they don't understand your point of view or think it's invalid. Approach others and the internet with an open mind; you might learn something! Even if you don't, consider whether your comment addresses the topic at hand or is just venting confusion and frustration that not everyone's like you.
also greatly appreciated was the entire chapter about public transportation. seriously, people, stop being dicks. there was a close call at the end, where i frowned a little:
Public transportation is not a talent competition. If you must sing, hold out your hat so people will think you're busking. They still won't like it, but they might give you money so you'll move along. Or better yet, save it for recording at home!
a last-minute save, there…no one "must" sing anywhere. understand this.
and it turns out,surprise, surprise, i am a dick.
APPARENTLY, it is a dick move to "throw hair on (the) wall" (p. 56). but i maintain that if you leave it there in the shape of a heart, it becomes a delightful surprise:
my dad was pleased.
as a fun game, you can play find the bob's burgers quote in the book! i already won, though, sorry. i'm a dick.
come to my blog!
it is probably better than okay; i am just being a dick.
the advice is good, but i am baffled about who the target audience is meant to be. it is published as "children's nonfiction" on "houghton mifflin harcourt children's book group," but so many of the situations are not applicable to children: how not to be a dick to your boss, how not to be a dick when you are the boss, the perils of sexting, online dating tips, how not to be a dick when drunk and tempted to yell "dogs are little people!" (although it does coyly refer to this situation as when you have had too many "sugary beverages," and are on a "sugar high," or have had "too much punch" and should not be driving, and how to not harass the "soda jerk" to whom you may find yourself attracted at the "drugstore" etc etc.)
but then later it does refer explicitly to 40's.
there is also a section about how to handle "sleepover" parties and the "extended sleepover." it is oblique, but we know what this means:
When hosting a sleepover, be considerate of your roommates and any other people who share your space. Staying up late and making loud noises will disrupt their lives (and sleeping patterns). So try to keep any noise or disruptions to a minimum.
keep your o's down, people!!
so i don't think this is really for kids, although they do grow up so fast...
but it isn't funny enough to be a satirical little book for adults.
so i am somewhere in the middle.
the advice is good, i'm not gonna lie.
you will learn to not yell "oi!" or "you are the worst!!" at your server in a restaurant.
not to spit on food to claim it as your own
not to pee in the shower (oops)
not to steal people's hair
not to say to people to whom you are attracted, your skin is like cream cheese.
not to say when calling out of work: I think I am dying…of a shark bite.
or in a meeting: I see what you are saying about our sales this quarter. More important, when can we get an office dog?
that this is too much when trying to flirt: I love dogs! I respect women! I have an extra pudding pack!
not to crotch-stare: When other people know you want to undress them with your eyes, then it makes it all the more considerate and respectful when you don't.
and many general guidelines about self-confidence, slowing yourself down in tense situations before you say something regrettable, tolerance of the differences of others, and how to maintain personal space.
and it's generally cute. it has a hearty tone that frequently sounds like an ESL textbook:
-I would like a ham sandwich. Thank you for your help!
-I have made a mistake.
-I respect myself, and I don't need to send pictures of my ding dong to strangers for attention.
-Hi there, colleague. I would really like to kiss you while we make copies, but I will take you to dinner instead.
-I fell off my trike once! Saw some cheese and just lost my concentration. Let me tell you about my cheese company!
-I can't let this disagreement ruin the awesomeness club that is us!
-I am mad about so many things that I'm not articulating right now!
-Thank you so much for passing the meatloaf. So graceful and apt. I'm going to ask you to pass plates of food more often, you're so good.
also a strange fascination both with tricycles and cheese logs, and one really puzzling picture i don't understand of what looks like macaroni art of a penis?? that one i will need explained to me please.
there are tips for when you are attending a party: If the place is decorated, comment on how lovely it looks. If that's not possible, mention how much you like the music. If that is also difficult, ask where the bathroom is.
this is noteworthy because it reminds me of that excellent passage from Going Down which i do not have handy right now to quote, but it is great, and if you have read it, you know which one i mean.
and as someone who worked retail for countless years, this was appreciated:
If you need help finding something or getting something down from a high shelf, look for someone to help you. Don't stand in the aisle shouting for help.
yes. this.
and there was a little nod to the artist formerly known as bird brian:
You may think you're talking in secret behind someone's back, but in this day and age, someone's probably recording or retweeting you. Everyone will eventually know who said what, so nip that nastiness in the bud.
and the entire chapter about internet etiquette is one that i found particularly helpful and i am typing out great chunks of it now, so it will be easier for me to cut and paste next troll i get:
-if you read something that makes you angry, take a breath and make sure you aren't about to act like a dick.
-The internet creates a mask of privacy and anonymity. This can sometimes lead us to say and act online in ways we wouldn't if we were speaking with someone face to face. On the internet, we may feel freer to use profanity and hateful language. We may be quicker to express our anger and disapproval. We may even take pleasure in deliberately leaving hurtful comments on sites and with people or groups we don't like. This is called "trolling."
-Sometimes, the subject of an argument isn't worth fighting over, and the best strategy is to agree to disagree. Each person's point of view can be valid. If you try to convince other people that they're wrong, you run the risk of saying something mean and making the argument personal - "your face looks like a butt."
-And remember that the world is a diverse place with many points of view. Just because people share their points of view doesn't mean that they don't understand your point of view or think it's invalid. Approach others and the internet with an open mind; you might learn something! Even if you don't, consider whether your comment addresses the topic at hand or is just venting confusion and frustration that not everyone's like you.
also greatly appreciated was the entire chapter about public transportation. seriously, people, stop being dicks. there was a close call at the end, where i frowned a little:
Public transportation is not a talent competition. If you must sing, hold out your hat so people will think you're busking. They still won't like it, but they might give you money so you'll move along. Or better yet, save it for recording at home!
a last-minute save, there…no one "must" sing anywhere. understand this.
and it turns out,surprise, surprise, i am a dick.
APPARENTLY, it is a dick move to "throw hair on (the) wall" (p. 56). but i maintain that if you leave it there in the shape of a heart, it becomes a delightful surprise:
my dad was pleased.
as a fun game, you can play find the bob's burgers quote in the book! i already won, though, sorry. i'm a dick.
come to my blog!
August 17, 2013
Rating = 3.5 stars
Hmmmmm...how do I review this without being dickish?
This book was irresistible to me because it was listed as children's nonfiction. "How," I asked myself, "does one discuss dickful behavior with that age group? And what parent would let his/her kid read it?"
Turns out the book is directed at teenagers, and one teaches etiquette by using juvenile humor, (which I admit I loved), and by talking a lot about cheese. Yes, cheese. If you want to avoid being a dick, never insult another person's cheese log. And don't steal anyone's gouda from the communal refrigerator. And while we're on the subject of foodstuffs, "Is that a baguette in your pocket?" is probably not the most tactful way to greet someone.
How Not to Be a Dick is essentially a more realistic version of How to Win Friends and Influence People. That book never addressed the social issues we really care about, but Meghan Doherty has come to the rescue. To wit:
1) Don't leave pee on the seat.
2) Pee in the toilet, not in the shower.
3) Don't throw hair on the wall in the shower.
4) Don't look at someone's "package" while you're talking to them.
5) Don't text people photos of your "bathing suit areas".
See what I mean? Practical. Dale Carnegie, beat that.
p.s. There's supposed to be an appendix called Get to Know Your Dicks, but my e-galley seems to have had an appen-dick-tomy. The pages were blank. So I guess until the final version comes out, I'm still in the dark about dicks.
May 21, 2023
„So stay away from jokes based on racial, ethnic, cultural, or gender stereotypes. And if someone makes a tasteless joke, let that person know that kind of humor is wrong and only peddled by dicks and stand-up comics looking to express their inner regret.“
Ein nettes kleines Büchlein darüber, wie man sich in angemessen verhält. Süß und witzig, außerdem habe ich die beiden Kinder in den Zeichnungen sehr ins Herz geschlossen.
Es ist zwar wirklich nichts Neues dabei, aber trotzdem fallen mir auf Anhieb genügend Menschen ein, denen ich das Buch unironisch schenken könnte und sie würden tatsächlich was daraus lernen können. Die hier angebrachte Kritik, dass die Zielgruppe unklar ist, verstehe ich. Einerseits geht es darum, wie man sich in der Schule verhält, andererseits behandelt das Buch Themen wie Onlinedating.
Ich habe es jetzt einfach aus Unterhaltungszwecken gelesen und fand es ganz witzig. Kein Muss, aber mir hat es ganz gut gefallen. Eine nette Erinnerung daran, dass man sich im Leben auf das Wichtigste konzentrieren sollte: kein Arschloch zu sein.
Ein nettes kleines Büchlein darüber, wie man sich in angemessen verhält. Süß und witzig, außerdem habe ich die beiden Kinder in den Zeichnungen sehr ins Herz geschlossen.
Es ist zwar wirklich nichts Neues dabei, aber trotzdem fallen mir auf Anhieb genügend Menschen ein, denen ich das Buch unironisch schenken könnte und sie würden tatsächlich was daraus lernen können. Die hier angebrachte Kritik, dass die Zielgruppe unklar ist, verstehe ich. Einerseits geht es darum, wie man sich in der Schule verhält, andererseits behandelt das Buch Themen wie Onlinedating.
Ich habe es jetzt einfach aus Unterhaltungszwecken gelesen und fand es ganz witzig. Kein Muss, aber mir hat es ganz gut gefallen. Eine nette Erinnerung daran, dass man sich im Leben auf das Wichtigste konzentrieren sollte: kein Arschloch zu sein.
Want to read
November 8, 2013Just the book I was looking for! It's the perfect "Just Because I Love You" gift!
January 2, 2015
I had such different expectations for this book and it failed to fulfill every single one. I was curious about the title "How Not to Be a Dick", I thought it might be satirical or at the very least, a little funny...Nope.
Ok, maybe I did not like it because it was telling me how to behave in the most condescending of ways. I was reading some of the reviews and some could not tell who this book was geared towards. I think it was towards anyone 18+, it tells you how you should behave but as if you were a 5 year old and maybe here is where the confusion lies. However, that being said some people need some lessons in etiquette and some people need to be treated as if they are 5.
Now I might be a little dickish...yeah, ok, this might be why I don't like this book.However,etiquette is very important and you can be late bloomer always but I don't think people are always dicks because they don't have any manners, just sometimes life is shit and people decide to take a dump on another person...you know as a stress reliever. Not saying this is right, it is not, it is never alright to treat another human being like crap just because you yourself feel like crap. That being said, dickish behaviour is not necessarily rooted in a lack of etiquette.
However, it was alright, I just wanted it to be funny.
Ok, maybe I did not like it because it was telling me how to behave in the most condescending of ways. I was reading some of the reviews and some could not tell who this book was geared towards. I think it was towards anyone 18+, it tells you how you should behave but as if you were a 5 year old and maybe here is where the confusion lies. However, that being said some people need some lessons in etiquette and some people need to be treated as if they are 5.
Now I might be a little dickish...yeah, ok, this might be why I don't like this book.However,etiquette is very important and you can be late bloomer always but I don't think people are always dicks because they don't have any manners, just sometimes life is shit and people decide to take a dump on another person...you know as a stress reliever. Not saying this is right, it is not, it is never alright to treat another human being like crap just because you yourself feel like crap. That being said, dickish behaviour is not necessarily rooted in a lack of etiquette.
However, it was alright, I just wanted it to be funny.
September 28, 2013
This book is a quick read of advice for the modern person on how to act better in a variety of situations. Like most people (I assume, anyway), I was intrigued by this book because of its awesome title. But for me, the rest of the book wasn't as awesome.
This is due in large part to the fact that I have no idea who this book is supposed to be marketed towards. I initially thought it was just an adult satire, spoofing the old primer books. But then I realized it was published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Children's Book Group. Children's. I don't want my children to be reading advice on how not to be a "dick." And sure, I got a few chuckles out of this, but it's not laugh out loud funny to the point where it's for adults. My guess is that it's aimed for young adults, even though there's advice included about being a boss and more adult themed sitautions.
That being said, the advice is solid, and the examples and illustrations did make me smile. This book at the very least will be amusing to the reader, and will probably teach them a thing or two, no matter the age.
Thanks to Netgalley and Zest books for my copy. This review can also be found on my blog, Bitches n Prose.
This is due in large part to the fact that I have no idea who this book is supposed to be marketed towards. I initially thought it was just an adult satire, spoofing the old primer books. But then I realized it was published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Children's Book Group. Children's. I don't want my children to be reading advice on how not to be a "dick." And sure, I got a few chuckles out of this, but it's not laugh out loud funny to the point where it's for adults. My guess is that it's aimed for young adults, even though there's advice included about being a boss and more adult themed sitautions.
That being said, the advice is solid, and the examples and illustrations did make me smile. This book at the very least will be amusing to the reader, and will probably teach them a thing or two, no matter the age.
Thanks to Netgalley and Zest books for my copy. This review can also be found on my blog, Bitches n Prose.
November 20, 2014
There is a lot to like in this little book. Fans of websites like Captain Awkward or The Pervocracy will find themselves nodding their heads along with discussions of topics like active listening, self-respect, and treating people you're attracted to like they're also real! However, I find that I cannot write a review of this without taking umbrage on two particular topics.
On sick leave: “So long as your company is part of an industrialized nation, you will have sick days allotted to you.” Excuse me? If you just straight-up Google U.S. sick leave, Wikipedia tells you that "The United States does not currently require that employees have access to paid sick days to address their own short-term illnesses or the short-term illness of a family member. The U.S. does guarantee unpaid leave for serious illnesses through the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)." Last time I checked, the U.S. was an industrialized nation & all, but as an example, my husband does not now & has never had access to paid sick leave. I get that Doherty doesn't actually specify paid leave, but I think that's implied; to my mind, taking unpaid time off ≠ "leave." I’m of the mind that if you asked just about any worker in either the food service or the hospitality industry if they'd feel comfortable taking unpaid sick time, most would tell you no, either because their employer doesn’t let them or because a day without pay is just not feasible. I’m not trying to be a dick here, but I find it utterly ridiculous that when B gets sick, we have to make the untenable compromise between him going to work & being miserable & maybe getting some of his co-workers sick too or just missing out on the money he’d make that day. This is a big issue for many, many people in this country & it seems pretty irresponsible to just throw this industrialized nation stuff out there without making note of it, especially since the U.S. is practically the only industrialized nation that does not offer paid time off to most of the workers in the country. Here’s good ol’ Wikipedia again: “At least 145 countries provide paid sick days for short- or long-term illnesses, with 127 providing a week or more annually. 98 countries guarantee one month or more of paid sick days. Many high-income economies require employers to provide paid sick days upwards of 10 days, including: Japan, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and Singapore.” Way to be, America.
Here’s Doherty on tipping: “Here’s a quick guide for standard tips: 10% delivery.” Ahem. I’ve worked for several different places delivering food over the years & here’s what I’ll tell you. If you tip 10% and you haven’t just had $200 worth of food delivered to you, you’re flat out not tipping enough. Most places pay their drivers minimum wage plus a flat fee per delivery. What the customer pays as a “delivery charge” does not always go to the driver. I’ve worked in places that pay $.75 per delivery, $1.50 per, and 6% commission on sales (which was the best ever & I don’t know of anyone who pays it anymore). Gas in Denver right now is at $3.29 a gallon (which seems really super cheap so I’m totally going to fill up on my way home from work!), so I’ll say it again: if you tip 10%, you’re not tipping enough. You should be tipping your delivery person at least 20% & if the weather sucks, you should be tipping at least 30-40%. And if you ever, ever tip either your delivery driver, your cocktail waitress, your bartender, or your server less than 10% on any meal ever, then you’re probably destined for a hot place when you leave this life.
But other than all that, yeah, okay, pretty good book. And all the other reviews here seem to allude to this being a book for young adults, so maybe I'm a dolt for taking it so seriously.
On sick leave: “So long as your company is part of an industrialized nation, you will have sick days allotted to you.” Excuse me? If you just straight-up Google U.S. sick leave, Wikipedia tells you that "The United States does not currently require that employees have access to paid sick days to address their own short-term illnesses or the short-term illness of a family member. The U.S. does guarantee unpaid leave for serious illnesses through the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)." Last time I checked, the U.S. was an industrialized nation & all, but as an example, my husband does not now & has never had access to paid sick leave. I get that Doherty doesn't actually specify paid leave, but I think that's implied; to my mind, taking unpaid time off ≠ "leave." I’m of the mind that if you asked just about any worker in either the food service or the hospitality industry if they'd feel comfortable taking unpaid sick time, most would tell you no, either because their employer doesn’t let them or because a day without pay is just not feasible. I’m not trying to be a dick here, but I find it utterly ridiculous that when B gets sick, we have to make the untenable compromise between him going to work & being miserable & maybe getting some of his co-workers sick too or just missing out on the money he’d make that day. This is a big issue for many, many people in this country & it seems pretty irresponsible to just throw this industrialized nation stuff out there without making note of it, especially since the U.S. is practically the only industrialized nation that does not offer paid time off to most of the workers in the country. Here’s good ol’ Wikipedia again: “At least 145 countries provide paid sick days for short- or long-term illnesses, with 127 providing a week or more annually. 98 countries guarantee one month or more of paid sick days. Many high-income economies require employers to provide paid sick days upwards of 10 days, including: Japan, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, and Singapore.” Way to be, America.
Here’s Doherty on tipping: “Here’s a quick guide for standard tips: 10% delivery.” Ahem. I’ve worked for several different places delivering food over the years & here’s what I’ll tell you. If you tip 10% and you haven’t just had $200 worth of food delivered to you, you’re flat out not tipping enough. Most places pay their drivers minimum wage plus a flat fee per delivery. What the customer pays as a “delivery charge” does not always go to the driver. I’ve worked in places that pay $.75 per delivery, $1.50 per, and 6% commission on sales (which was the best ever & I don’t know of anyone who pays it anymore). Gas in Denver right now is at $3.29 a gallon (which seems really super cheap so I’m totally going to fill up on my way home from work!), so I’ll say it again: if you tip 10%, you’re not tipping enough. You should be tipping your delivery person at least 20% & if the weather sucks, you should be tipping at least 30-40%. And if you ever, ever tip either your delivery driver, your cocktail waitress, your bartender, or your server less than 10% on any meal ever, then you’re probably destined for a hot place when you leave this life.
But other than all that, yeah, okay, pretty good book. And all the other reviews here seem to allude to this being a book for young adults, so maybe I'm a dolt for taking it so seriously.
August 14, 2013
How Not to Judge a Book by Its Cover
Meghan Doherty's unapologetic title "How Not to Be a Dick" stopped me in my tracks. My first thought was: This book is listed as "children's non-fiction"? My reaction was one of surprise, and maybe even shock. Then, I thought back to all those Dick and Jane books from childhood, and it all began to make sense.
"How Not to be a Dick" is a funny, yet practical guide every young person should read before adulthood. Its tongue in cheek humor is an effective way to illustrate the practical life lessons offered, which include everything from basic "good manners" to proper and professional etiquette in the workplace. The direct and honest approach is appropriate and enhances the subject matter, and if nothing else, each lesson is concluded with a reminder " how not to be a dick." The examples and illustrations also offer an additional touch to emphasize each teaching. I especially appreciated the not so veiled allusions to pop culture celebrities and their behavior.
The book's content fits the young adult age range, and is a perfect book for a young person to read. This book would make a great gift for a high school or college graduate. In the social media age, basic good manners are often seen as something of the past. For young people, the teachings of Emily Post's etiquette are outdated and impractical. Today's young people prefer their information in a simple, blunt manner, and will no doubt embrace Doherty's 21st century lessons on "how not to be a dick!"
Note: I received an advanced reader digital copy of this text via NetGalley.
Meghan Doherty's unapologetic title "How Not to Be a Dick" stopped me in my tracks. My first thought was: This book is listed as "children's non-fiction"? My reaction was one of surprise, and maybe even shock. Then, I thought back to all those Dick and Jane books from childhood, and it all began to make sense.
"How Not to be a Dick" is a funny, yet practical guide every young person should read before adulthood. Its tongue in cheek humor is an effective way to illustrate the practical life lessons offered, which include everything from basic "good manners" to proper and professional etiquette in the workplace. The direct and honest approach is appropriate and enhances the subject matter, and if nothing else, each lesson is concluded with a reminder " how not to be a dick." The examples and illustrations also offer an additional touch to emphasize each teaching. I especially appreciated the not so veiled allusions to pop culture celebrities and their behavior.
The book's content fits the young adult age range, and is a perfect book for a young person to read. This book would make a great gift for a high school or college graduate. In the social media age, basic good manners are often seen as something of the past. For young people, the teachings of Emily Post's etiquette are outdated and impractical. Today's young people prefer their information in a simple, blunt manner, and will no doubt embrace Doherty's 21st century lessons on "how not to be a dick!"
Note: I received an advanced reader digital copy of this text via NetGalley.
Want to read
November 8, 2013This is my very favorite 'give as a gift' title to date. Must buy this. Must be careful to give it to someone with a sense of humor. Or to someone really, really mean. I didn't realize at first how classic the cover is!
July 15, 2014
Amusing (mainly due to the side illustrations) but basic etiquette & manners stuff. Still, the verbal and cartoon asides are a stitch.
August 28, 2020
Got this for my 13YO who had been feeling himself a little too much. At first he thought it was a joke, but he actually read the whole thing and found he content engaging and useful. (No, really.)
April 4, 2019
I’m torn. On the one hand, this book, with its subtle Dick-and-Jane double entendre made me laugh the moment I saw it. I was looking for books for my 14yo son to read for our reading time (I homeschool). In the earlier part of the book, there was quite a bit of good etiquette info, humorously presented, which would work for a 14yo...but I was on the fence about giving him the book because the repeated use of “dick” (even though, as I said, that was totally funny to me).
As I read on, though, I did become puzzled as to who, exactly, is the intended audience. The section on “at work,” in particular, was full of dilemmas for a much older person than the early part of the book. I did think the author was clever in her oblique way of talking about drunks at a party or guests who sleep over. A 14yo could plausibly still be reading this and think we’re talking about too much Mountain Dew. But then, why the weird stuff about work etiquette for someone who could be no less than 25?
So - the book was funny to me, because I got the Dick-and-Jane joke. There’s sound advice in there I would really want my son to read. But I hesitate; it might be a little too crude to come from a mom to her son. He also would not be aware of the Dick reference, so he might wonder why his mom thinks all this talk about being “dickish” is appropriate. And I still don’t know what to do about the parts that couldn’t possibly pertain to a young teen.
In a different family culture, it may work better than it would at my house.
As I read on, though, I did become puzzled as to who, exactly, is the intended audience. The section on “at work,” in particular, was full of dilemmas for a much older person than the early part of the book. I did think the author was clever in her oblique way of talking about drunks at a party or guests who sleep over. A 14yo could plausibly still be reading this and think we’re talking about too much Mountain Dew. But then, why the weird stuff about work etiquette for someone who could be no less than 25?
So - the book was funny to me, because I got the Dick-and-Jane joke. There’s sound advice in there I would really want my son to read. But I hesitate; it might be a little too crude to come from a mom to her son. He also would not be aware of the Dick reference, so he might wonder why his mom thinks all this talk about being “dickish” is appropriate. And I still don’t know what to do about the parts that couldn’t possibly pertain to a young teen.
In a different family culture, it may work better than it would at my house.
May 20, 2020
It’s taking everything in my power to not send this to a few select people in my life.
But, that would be a dick move. And, I read the book, learned a few lessons, and therefore will not be sending this book to those select few.
But, I want to...
It’s a fun, cheeky read and perfect if you ever find yourself with only 5-10 minutes to read. You can digest a few “chapters” in that time. And, then, go about your life, not being a dick.
But, that would be a dick move. And, I read the book, learned a few lessons, and therefore will not be sending this book to those select few.
But, I want to...
It’s a fun, cheeky read and perfect if you ever find yourself with only 5-10 minutes to read. You can digest a few “chapters” in that time. And, then, go about your life, not being a dick.
May 15, 2020
Was so bad. Didn’t help whatsoever
December 17, 2021
This book is full of bits and rules on how to behave in a modern society. To the most part its a common sense unless someone is very unfamiliar or ignorant of mainstream etiquettes. If you are a well behaved individual. Just skip this one. It will add no value to your life.
November 9, 2019
Cute book, but probably more intended for someone college age. I honestly hope my older kids read it and take it a bit to heart. A lot of the illustrations are hilarious, but I found a lot of the etiquette to be self-explanatory.
September 13, 2020
I was being a bit of a dick. Now I will be less so
Want to read
November 16, 2013To my mind, three audiences exist for this book:
This book puts itself in an awkward marketing position because, odds are, if you need to read this book (1), your sense of self righteousness will tell you doing so isn't necessary. Of the remaining audiences, one consists of people who feel they need help identifying people who are the subject of the book (2). Of course, if you required a breakdown of characteristics that make people "dicks", there's a good possibility it's because you don't recognize these characteristics as problematic, in which case, you may be a dick yourself. To my mind, this sort of person has a better chance of being reclaimed through dick shame than the righteous dick.
The third group, those subject to dicks and their dickishness, are the most likely to benefit from the book, which offers methods for dealings with specific episodes of dickishness. The efficacy of these methods will undoubtedly depend upon the depth of the dickishness, ignorance, and righteousness. Generally speaking, the best way to avoid being subject to dickishness is to avoid dicks altogether, though you're just as good saying the best way to avoid getting wet in a storm is to stand between the raindrops.
The book appears to do a good job of identifying dickishness by indicating what you ought not do if your goal is to escape the label, and this is the focus of the book.
The book mentions a variety of behaviors that are considered no-nos. Among these include urinating in the shower, trolling message boards, and a number of other things that border on dickishness or require no explanation for their connotation as dickish.
Frankly, I have no difficulty identifying these dickish characters, and would gladly suggest the book to them if it weren't for the fact that they are all out promoting their own books with the goal of teaching people why it's perfectly okay to be a dick, and even better when you make a fortune doing it.
The presence of Stephen Colbert on the left and right is a clear indication of Poe's Law in effect.
Are you a dick? If you have to ask that question, you're probably not going to like what you find in this book. Are you trying to combat dickishness? Bad news. They're everywhere. And they're indifferent to your civility--that's what makes them dicks in the first place. In any of these cases, this book will probably only confirm what you already knew, tell you something you didn't want to hear, or alert you to the general hopelessness of the situation.
1. Dicks in need of reformation
2. Those unfamiliar with what makes one a dick
3. Those who need a method of dealing with dicks
This book puts itself in an awkward marketing position because, odds are, if you need to read this book (1), your sense of self righteousness will tell you doing so isn't necessary. Of the remaining audiences, one consists of people who feel they need help identifying people who are the subject of the book (2). Of course, if you required a breakdown of characteristics that make people "dicks", there's a good possibility it's because you don't recognize these characteristics as problematic, in which case, you may be a dick yourself. To my mind, this sort of person has a better chance of being reclaimed through dick shame than the righteous dick.
The third group, those subject to dicks and their dickishness, are the most likely to benefit from the book, which offers methods for dealings with specific episodes of dickishness. The efficacy of these methods will undoubtedly depend upon the depth of the dickishness, ignorance, and righteousness. Generally speaking, the best way to avoid being subject to dickishness is to avoid dicks altogether, though you're just as good saying the best way to avoid getting wet in a storm is to stand between the raindrops.
The book appears to do a good job of identifying dickishness by indicating what you ought not do if your goal is to escape the label, and this is the focus of the book.
The book mentions a variety of behaviors that are considered no-nos. Among these include urinating in the shower, trolling message boards, and a number of other things that border on dickishness or require no explanation for their connotation as dickish.
Frankly, I have no difficulty identifying these dickish characters, and would gladly suggest the book to them if it weren't for the fact that they are all out promoting their own books with the goal of teaching people why it's perfectly okay to be a dick, and even better when you make a fortune doing it.
The presence of Stephen Colbert on the left and right is a clear indication of Poe's Law in effect.
Are you a dick? If you have to ask that question, you're probably not going to like what you find in this book. Are you trying to combat dickishness? Bad news. They're everywhere. And they're indifferent to your civility--that's what makes them dicks in the first place. In any of these cases, this book will probably only confirm what you already knew, tell you something you didn't want to hear, or alert you to the general hopelessness of the situation.
September 29, 2013
The dubiously inappropriate title aside, How Not to Be a D*ick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide (censorship mine) is like Emily Post for normal people, people who don't go around presenting their calling cards to household butlers and waiting in the drawing room for their lady friends to descend the stairs. No, this book features actual daily life application social norms. It contains important chapters on topics like how to get along with peers and co-workers, how to cook your food in the office microwave so as not to offend people, even little reminders like get in the bathroom, do your business, and get out...don't tweet while chatting to someone using the facility. And don't forget to wash your hands.
Doherty's guide is a fun, tongue-in-cheek look at the manners that we all just assume everyone learned at home but in truth--if the comments section on YouTube or Yahoo! News is any indication--they didn't. Part of the fun of the guide is the appearance of Dick, Jane, and Spot-era line drawings of the characters in these exact social scenarios, acting out the right and wrong way to behave for our reading pleasure.
Published by Zest Books, whose titles are distributed by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, is known for publishing edgy-but-instructional non-fiction for teens. Doherty's title definitely speaks to a broad age range, covering cliques and bullies at school and the appropriate way to ask someone to the dance, as well as how to behave on an airplane or little things to keep in mind if you're using your local Starbucks as a temporary office. Perhaps most important of all are the many reminders of how to not get drunk at the office party and snatch your boss's toupee before running around the room with it and declaring it to be a flying cat. If the worst should happen and you do, in fact, snatch the toupee, there is also information on how to recover from that little faux pas gracefully the next day, all while hoping you still have a job.
Doherty's guide is a fun, tongue-in-cheek look at the manners that we all just assume everyone learned at home but in truth--if the comments section on YouTube or Yahoo! News is any indication--they didn't. Part of the fun of the guide is the appearance of Dick, Jane, and Spot-era line drawings of the characters in these exact social scenarios, acting out the right and wrong way to behave for our reading pleasure.
Published by Zest Books, whose titles are distributed by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, is known for publishing edgy-but-instructional non-fiction for teens. Doherty's title definitely speaks to a broad age range, covering cliques and bullies at school and the appropriate way to ask someone to the dance, as well as how to behave on an airplane or little things to keep in mind if you're using your local Starbucks as a temporary office. Perhaps most important of all are the many reminders of how to not get drunk at the office party and snatch your boss's toupee before running around the room with it and declaring it to be a flying cat. If the worst should happen and you do, in fact, snatch the toupee, there is also information on how to recover from that little faux pas gracefully the next day, all while hoping you still have a job.
October 3, 2015
Obviamente no esperaba una obra maestra de la literatura universal, pero sí tenía esa expectativa de ver un libro que me tuviera riendo a cada vuelta de la página.
Sí es gracioso en ciertos puntos pero son contados; la guía sin embargo es buena y las ilustraciones me gustaron bastante.
Es sencillísimo de leer, y creo que es buena idea tenerlo por ahí a la mano como libro de consulta rápida.
Sí es gracioso en ciertos puntos pero son contados; la guía sin embargo es buena y las ilustraciones me gustaron bastante.
Es sencillísimo de leer, y creo que es buena idea tenerlo por ahí a la mano como libro de consulta rápida.
January 1, 2016
Because you gotta start the year off right...
April 20, 2020
The title sounded exciting. I was prepared to be bombarded with a wisdom-packed morals & ethics discussion in a tongue-in-cheek tone.
But after the first pages I just gave up. I especially cringed when I read this bit:
"Jokes that belittle others or trade in stereotypes—particularly if they make fun of some aspect of the person you’re with— can backfire. A bad joke is one thing, but intolerance is no laughing matter. So stay away from jokes based on racial, ethnic, cultural, or gender stereotypes. And if someone makes a tasteless joke, let that person know that kind of humor is wrong and only peddled by dicks and stand-up comics looking to express their inner regret."
I disagree (but that may be because I am a dick). I believe nothing is out of bounds when it comes to comedy. Furthermore, for having such a politically-correct stance with regards to humor, does the author realize she is using male genitalia as a pejorative? She should follow her own advice, or be a dick like the rest of us.
Couldn't finish the read.
But after the first pages I just gave up. I especially cringed when I read this bit:
"Jokes that belittle others or trade in stereotypes—particularly if they make fun of some aspect of the person you’re with— can backfire. A bad joke is one thing, but intolerance is no laughing matter. So stay away from jokes based on racial, ethnic, cultural, or gender stereotypes. And if someone makes a tasteless joke, let that person know that kind of humor is wrong and only peddled by dicks and stand-up comics looking to express their inner regret."
I disagree (but that may be because I am a dick). I believe nothing is out of bounds when it comes to comedy. Furthermore, for having such a politically-correct stance with regards to humor, does the author realize she is using male genitalia as a pejorative? She should follow her own advice, or be a dick like the rest of us.
Couldn't finish the read.
November 8, 2021
Somebody left this book behind at my job. I picked it up, thinking it might be humorous. Instead, it made me sad. It has no target group. It is the perfect storm, somehow off-putting for everybody. It contains humor that only the 60+ crowd might find appealing, but also advice only useful for kids in elementary school, and lazy, boring illustrations that no-one can possibly like. Apparently, there is humor to be found in repeated references to cheese logs...? Clearly, this book was published as a gag gift, meant to be purchased for the "funny" cover, with the hopes that the recipient will never crack it open and cringe through actually reading it. I did, because I'm stubborn. I finished it, felt embarrassed for the author and publisher, then experienced a wave of sadness, thinking that some trees died for this book to be printed. My only consolation is the fact that the paper will be put to better use once it gets recycled.
January 30, 2018
I was such a fan of this book! Initially, I thought it'd just be a humorous short book for teens about how to act like adults, but after reading it I have to say the advice in this book could benefit everyone. Accompanied by cute little illustrations that reference pop culture, this book covers social situations ranging from parties to airports to how to act online. It's very comprehensive. I only wish to have read more specifically about dating (although it was referenced) and I also wish the author had highlighted how pedestrians can not be dicks when crossing the street. This is a humor filled, light read which is highly applicable to how to be a nice and considerate person. If I were still teaching my course on active listening, I'd probably recommend this to my students to really get the concepts across. great work! (less)
December 27, 2020
I thought this would make a funny passive aggressive secret Santa gift for my boss but then realized that would be a dickish thing to do. Aside from that, the HR rep I contacted never got back to me on wether on not this was appropriate. I guess the best rule is if you have to ask, it probably isn’t. I doubt the prospect recipient in mind has a sense of humor.
As stated in other reviews, I’m not sure who exactly the target audience this is for but as an adult reading this, I thought it was fun. I like the humor and the artwork. As for self-help, it does make you self-aware of dickish behavior and has some decent advice. I don’t read a lot of self-help but I was entertained by the title and the novelty of this book even if the tone is a bit off when addressing its audience.
It’s a good time, no sugary drinks required.
As stated in other reviews, I’m not sure who exactly the target audience this is for but as an adult reading this, I thought it was fun. I like the humor and the artwork. As for self-help, it does make you self-aware of dickish behavior and has some decent advice. I don’t read a lot of self-help but I was entertained by the title and the novelty of this book even if the tone is a bit off when addressing its audience.
It’s a good time, no sugary drinks required.
June 11, 2021
Since Emily Post came out with her guides to excruciatingly correct behavior, many people may feel we don’t need yet another guide to etiquette. But Ms. Doherty plants herself firmly within the modern age while giving advice about proper behavior pertaining to moments or situations you might not consider (walk on the dexter side of the sidewalk, don’t spit on your food to claim it because that’s just disgusting, et al.).
It’s a serious subject treated in a lighthearted vein and accompanied by old-fashioned line drawings evocative of Dick-and-Jane-type characters in various situations.
Whether you’re in the office or sharing a living space with others, sexting or texting, How Not to Be a Dick is an intelligent primer for the 21st century…or you could be passive-aggressive and give it to someone you know who’s a dick.
It’s a serious subject treated in a lighthearted vein and accompanied by old-fashioned line drawings evocative of Dick-and-Jane-type characters in various situations.
Whether you’re in the office or sharing a living space with others, sexting or texting, How Not to Be a Dick is an intelligent primer for the 21st century…or you could be passive-aggressive and give it to someone you know who’s a dick.
August 3, 2025
All the life lessons about how to be generally polite, considerate, and empathetic. Your parents should have told you most of this stuff, and you should learn the rest of this stuff through living life and being generally empathetic.
Organized by sectors life life, such as "school," "work," and "at play," the only thing that was slightly baffling to me was that in the "at play" chapter, which deals essentially with going out partying and drinking (chapter aimed at young adults), there were consistent euphemisms for alcoholic beverages as "sugary beverages" and being drunk as "being too sugared up," as if conflating a sugar high with being inebriated.
At this point in my life (adult in his 50s), I don't need the information in this book, but if I were raising children, I'd likely have them read relevant chapters as they entered that phase of their lives... or I'd just talk to them, because as a parent, I would want to take responsibility for how my child behaved in the world.
Organized by sectors life life, such as "school," "work," and "at play," the only thing that was slightly baffling to me was that in the "at play" chapter, which deals essentially with going out partying and drinking (chapter aimed at young adults), there were consistent euphemisms for alcoholic beverages as "sugary beverages" and being drunk as "being too sugared up," as if conflating a sugar high with being inebriated.
At this point in my life (adult in his 50s), I don't need the information in this book, but if I were raising children, I'd likely have them read relevant chapters as they entered that phase of their lives... or I'd just talk to them, because as a parent, I would want to take responsibility for how my child behaved in the world.
November 14, 2016
An essential book given the current social and political situations in America. If everyone could learn to be a little more considerate and a little less, well, dickish, then everyone would be a lot happier.
If I honestly thought they would read it, I would give this book to every obnoxious teenager or self-important adult I've ever met. The only problem is that if somebody is already a dick, usually they're arrogant enough that they don't believe they need to change their ways. Unfortunately, it's completely legal to be an dick. :P
If I honestly thought they would read it, I would give this book to every obnoxious teenager or self-important adult I've ever met. The only problem is that if somebody is already a dick, usually they're arrogant enough that they don't believe they need to change their ways. Unfortunately, it's completely legal to be an dick. :P
January 10, 2021
I love this book. Truth will give you calmness, and principles will set you free.
It’s easy read, but highlights important etiquette that every good citizen/human being shall watch out and be reminded. While I check on some common principles like everyone probably have heard of, like respect and be considerate of others, there are a few points I definitely haven’t taken as seriously. For example, emails at work is no less important than regular messages or callings (I used to treat emails considerably less prioritized than other means of communication).
Good book. Enjoyed it.
It’s easy read, but highlights important etiquette that every good citizen/human being shall watch out and be reminded. While I check on some common principles like everyone probably have heard of, like respect and be considerate of others, there are a few points I definitely haven’t taken as seriously. For example, emails at work is no less important than regular messages or callings (I used to treat emails considerably less prioritized than other means of communication).
Good book. Enjoyed it.
September 22, 2022
I am giving this book 5/5 stars not because it is an exceptionaly good book but because it perfectly achieves at what the title suggests - its an everyday etiquette guide on how to properly behave in todays society without being a dick. I wish i had read this book when i was 15. You won't find anything in this book that will leave you with a dropped jaw or amazed but you will find yourself agreeing with most of the stuff in this book. Clear, simple, easy to read, no-nonsense book. Personally, i enjoyed it.
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