A brilliantly insightful novel, engrossing and haunting, about marriage, love, family, happiness and sorrow, from New York Times bestselling author Sue Miller.
Graham and Annie have been married for nearly thirty years. A golden couple, their seemingly effortless devotion has long been the envy of their circle of friends and acquaintances.
Graham is a bookseller, a big, gregarious man with large appetites—curious, eager to please, a lover of life, and the convivial host of frequent, lively parties at his and Annie’s comfortable house in Cambridge. Annie, more reserved and introspective, is a photographer. She is about to have her first gallery show after a six-year lull and is worried that the best years of her career may be behind her. They have two adult children; Lucas, Graham’s son with his first wife, Frieda, works in New York. Annie and Graham’s daughter, Sarah, lives in San Francisco. Though Frieda is an integral part of this far-flung, loving family, Annie feels confident in the knowledge that she is Graham’s last and greatest love.
When Graham suddenly dies—this man whose enormous presence has seemed to dominate their lives together—Annie is lost. What is the point of going on, she wonders, without him?
Then, while she is still mourning him intensely, she discovers that Graham had been unfaithful to her; and she spirals into darkness, wondering if she ever truly knew the man who loved her.
Occasionally I will run into someone I don't know very well, or even a total stranger, and for some reason they will begin to tell me some endless story about some small thing in their life that they seem to think is very significant, and very important. These endless stories are so unbelievably boring that I often have to cut these inane storytellers off with a quick, "Wow, I'm running late, but great story, byeee!!!!" Reading this book felt like being stuck in one of these excruciating conversations.
Annie and Graham are the most basic boomer couple you can imagine. Graham owns a bookstore in Boston (of course he does) and Annie shows her photographs at mid-range galleries in Boston (of course she does). They are a white, upper middle class couple with a fairly regular life. They have been married for so long that they love each other in a very inevitable way, the way people who have been together for many years do. Although they were both married previously before they met each other, they are steadfastly happy together. When Graham dies very suddenly, Annie is left to deal with her grief. Then just as she begins to get used to it, she learns that Graham has had affair that she knew nothing about.
That is basically the entire book. As I said, it went on and one, and the characters were very caught up in the drama of something that seemed so stupid, especially in this dumpster fire of a year. Gee Annie, your husband who clearly loved you had a brief affair he was clearly very sorry for? Wow, Graham you're older, and you had a hard childhood. Seriously, the both of you, there is real suffering in this world. Your petty problems really aren't that interesting. There's a lot of nostalgia as the characters wistfully remember their younger years, and there's a lot of endless crying, and sighing, and white people complaining about not being enough, having enough, getting enough, etc.
The sentences are well written. But I have to say if I ran into Annie at a party, I would make the quickest excuse I could think of and run away. I wouldn't be able to stand her whining.
As the title seems to reflect, this book is about marriage, but it really is about so much more - grief, self awareness and discovery, about family and a father, mothers and their son and daughter and about friendships and yes about a husband and his wives. These relationships beg a number of thought provoking questions.
Graham is a big man in all ways, a needy man, self centered, open to life’s experiences, a father, an ex husband, a husband, an adulterer, but everyone loves him. I can’t say I loved him, but yet I did liked him in some ways in spite of his flaws. He’s been married to Annie for thirty years, divorced from Frieda for longer than that and has a grown child with each of them. We come to know the people in his life through their relationships with him. That is the most striking thing about this story - how well we come to know the characters. It’s not just about their relationship with him, but with each other. Annie and Frieda are friends. Their children have great relationships with the women who are not their mother. Everyone loves everyone else. One big happy story, well as in life, not quite.
Miller’s strength is in how she gives us a full sense of who they are and I felt as if I knew all of them. Such a realistic portrayal, with the good things about them and their imperfections . Just like most of us, a complex mix and so it makes for complex relationships, for self evaluations as the characters evaluate their feelings about Graham and about each other and most of all themselves. While it centers around a Graham, the story for me was about Annie’s journey. She was my favorite character and I was so interested in how things would be for her in the end. The writing is wonderful with Miller allowing us such an intimate look . There are no perfect relationships here, but there is genuine love .
Can you really know someone, even after 30 years of marriage? Do our perceptions of people change after they die? Do you truly love someone if you are able to have an affair with another? How does one grieve when torn between grief and anger and disappointment? There’s a lot to ponder here. Having lived in Massachusetts for about five years, I enjoyed the familiarity with Cambridge where most of the novel is set. A captivating read for sure.
I read this with my bookish friends Diane and Esil and as always we had a great discussion.
I received an advanced copy of this book from HarperCollins through Edelweiss.
So much for my high expectations.... .... a married couple, a bookseller, ( in lovely Vermont), and a photographer....should have been interesting enough for me. Add the nice house in Cambridge, adult children, ( living in New York and San Francisco), a first wife, friendships between the two women: Annie, (present wife), & Frieda, ( ex-wife), Graham,(the charming man), the kids, a death and surprise infidelity.....sounds like the perfect enlightening book..... ha.... except it wasn’t for me.
There was nothing new under the sun in this novel. I didn’t even think the writing was anything special — from our seasoned author.
A novel which revolves around a penis obsessed middle-aged man, even if written by a woman with impeccable credentials, is still a novel which revolves around a penis obsessed middle-aged man. There is no spin that can make this fresh or new. Please. Just stop.
Monogamy by Sue Miller is a 2020 Harper publication.
Takes the long way home…
This is my first novel by Sue Miller.Based on the synopsis, I was hoping for some dark secret to emerge that would explain Graham’s infidelity, but, as it turns out, the story doesn’t offer that as an out.
We have two people with very different temperaments- Annie- who is a photographer and more reserved, and Graham, who is the outgoing owner of a bookstore.
Despite the differences between them, Graham and Annie have been married, happily, as far as anyone can tell, for thirty years. When Graham dies suddenly, it hits Annie very hard, but before she can begin to grieve in earnest, she discovers her husband has been unfaithful to her.
This stunning revelation, for all intents and purposes, derails her ability to mourn her husband, to go through the steps of grief in a healthy way. Instead, her emotions travel down a different path, as she navigates the other relationships in her life, trying not to let on to others what she is going through.
The story is very slow moving and the attempt to branch out and examine the other relationships Annie has cultivated, and adding her adult children into the mix, took away from the main purpose of the novel, in my opinion.
Despite that, I liked the way the book eventually came together in the end. The flashbacks and memories that aide Annie as she analyzes her marriage, her round about journey to accepting Graham’s death, and her own personal awakening, is the saving grace, making it worth the time spent reading it.
The conclusion is positive and satisfying. Annie embraces the promise of a new day, a new phase in her life, and is finally able to find perspective and peace, instead of pain and bitterness.
This is yet another book I’m not typically drawn to. I stuck it out to the end, although there were many dull spots, but I’m glad I did. Still, it was a 'take it or leave it' type of novel for me, overall. It wasn’t great, but it was definitely not a total loss, either.
Seeing into the heart of families, reflected in her amazing character portrayals are all apparent in this insightful and quiet novel. Marriages, motherhood, friendships and grief. Finding out at the end of a person's life, that they had perhaps not been the person you thought they were. Love, how much did it matter? Do we ever truly know how deep inside a person feels or thinks? Possibly not.
Annie, Graham, their wonderful bookshop all seem so very real. I actually felt at times that I could run across the street and knock on Annie's door, asking to borrow a bottle of wine. Miller made these characters that authentic. She makes each of them, regardless of their actions, understandable, relatable. I also loved how the characters changed throughout the book, some growing, some sorting things out but all reaching toward a time when life will again make sense. Sort of like we are now, but of course different reasons. A terrific read with slot of insight and heart.
My monthly read with my two book buddies, Esil and Angela, which are always special.
In Monogamy Annie, an introvert photographer, and Graham, a lively bookseller, have been married for years. They have two adult children. When Graham dies unexpectedly, Annie must grapple with the loss of her husband and her feelings toward him as she learns more about his life, including the fact that that he was unfaithful to her.
Monogamy started off strong — Early on, I was interested in the story, it’s very well-written with descriptive, flowing language. As it progressed, I felt an increased sense of meandering. The book includes a lot of internal character thoughts, reflections, and flashbacks. The characters weren’t necessarily unlikable, though I wanted to like most of them more than I actually did. I really enjoy character-driven stories and appreciate the range of complex feelings at play in many situations, but I was left wanting more from the plot in this book.
I listened to Sue Miller narrate her own novel, “Monogamy”. It’s a “quiet” story about a marriage (surprise), and its quiet strength is in all the character’s thoughts. This is not an action-packed story. It’s a slow story revolving around the marriage of Annie and Graham. They have been married for over thirty years when Annie wakes up to a dead Graham. Graham is only in his mid-sixties, so it comes as a shock to Annie and all the characters in the story.
Their marriage is the second marriage for both. Graham’s first marriage was an “open” marriage, in which his first wife found that she didn’t want to be in such a marriage. Frida and Graham had a son, so Graham kept in close contact with them. When Graham remarried Annie, remarkably the two women became friends. Graham and Annie had a daughter Sarah, and Sarah and the son basically grew up together. Both children are adults when Graham dies, and both come to Annie’s aid after the death, along with Frida.
After the death of Graham, the reader learns of their relationships to each other. It’s an interesting character study of an extended family. When Annie learns of Graham having an affair, at Graham’s memorial service, this information adds depth to the characters and their reaction to this knowledge.
It’s mostly about Annie though. It’s a story of Annie reflecting on her life with Graham. It’s Annie coming to terms with the affair. It’s Sue Miller’s prose that make this a thought-provoking read. It’s lush with poignant thoughts.
I’m not sure this is a novel for everyone. It’s meditative and reflective. I enjoyed it because I’m Annie’s age and I could relate to much of it (not the dead husband thank god….nor the cheating husband…to my knowledge). However, if I found out my husband did have an affair, I can see myself wrestling with the same emotions that Annie did.
I enjoyed Miller’s narration, as I felt she provided the emotional impact of her voice that helped with her intentions of the prose. I found it a provocative read.
So I spent all day Sunday, lost in this book, I purchased it as I usually enjoy Sue Miller, & admittedly, the day I ordered it, she was on Weekend Edition. with Scott Simon & the interview was goode. I usually REALLY enjoy her books. I admit it I am a book consumer. And the interview lulled me in. Big Mistake! I begin the read & I am: "Okay, Graham takes up a LOT of the pages. His presence is just all over the place". Keep Reading Alice. I continued. Some of the characters do not seem fully developed. Frieda the first wife, seems to be (well..kind of) & then she is just abandoned & returned to. As needed. (Her character ~I mean.) She stays with us all through the book & finally on page 292, she realizes what her place was in Graham's life. And it upsets her & then she is upset that all of the folks in her circle, her son, his wife, the new wife, the new daughter, do not allow her beingness, so to speak, she is just taken for granted, she realizes that no one really CARES what she is going through or what she needs & she gets angry. She is upset that NO ONE cares what SHE needs or is going through. It seems they never have. Lucas & Sarah~the grown children, in asides analyze the heck out of her. And then we are DONE with that. Annie discovers after Graham's impromptu memorial dinner, that Rosemary has been having an affair with her husband. She discovers Rosemary in his study weeping. She assumes Frieda knew he cheated & is enraged. Frieda knew he cheated but did NOT know about Rosemary & now Frieda is even more upset. Oh dear. This book. Okay. I FORCED myself to complete the read. I almost tossed it across the room, when on page 168, I read " In the late 1940's and 50's, Annie & Sofie Kahn had been in the same grammar-school class in a public school in Hyde Park." I literally screamed out loud " HOW OLD ARE THESE PEOPLE??" I did the math, & I went back & reviewed previous pages to make sure I did NOT miss a spot, where HOW OLD they are IS discussed. I kept thinking: "WAIT they cannot be this old!!" Only later in the pages do we learn, a lot of this takes place in the run up to the 2008 Presidential Election. That would have been pretty relevant for a reader, no? I mean that is like 12 years ago, could we not have had a movie reference or musical note, to date stamp this nonsense? Come On!!!!!!!! And so at that point....I was just mad at Sue Miller & at the book. I kept reading. Begrudgingly. Yes Graham is a cad. Yes Annie is just well a bit boring. Yes, he was the center of everyone's world. Good Grief. He died in his sleep. Okay got it. And so I completed the read. There was just too much of a lot of things that were supposed, to help us understand Annie, but I imagine at some point, she was supposed to actually grieve? We kept being TOLD that, Ms. Miller keeps pointing out Annie's angst at the whole "Graham is Gone", but we never get PAST that, it is like a road sign to a deserted street. Turn the car around Annie. So Ms. Miller has Annie FINALLY delve into "grief" on the last page and a half. What? This after a weird encounter, with a man she kissed 30 years before, who shows up to read at the bookstore, that she no longer owns, and the reading chairs are gone & she is upset & .........goode gawd........you see what I mean....this book is just a mess. Boy......If I could give "Monogamy" a negative star ~ well ~ I would. Ms. Miller...... I demand my reading TIME back, you literally John Cheever'd me & that is wrong! I cannot recommend this book. I just cannot.
At one point in this immensely readable and page-turning new novel, one of the characters describes why we read fiction: “…because it suggests that life has a shape and we feel…consoled.” Fictional narrative, she goes on to say, makes life seem to matter.
It is that quality that I’ve enjoyed most in Sue Miller’s novels. Here, she sets up a storyline of a 30-year marriage: Graham is an oversized man in every sense of the word, guided by his appetite for life; Annie, his more reserved wife, is a photographer who in some ways lives in his shadow.
When Graham suddenly dies—and we know this from the book jacket and blurbs—Annie and her good friend (Graham’s first wife Frieda) and their two adult children (Frieda’s son is Lucas and Annie’s is Sarah) need to navigate that painful road to self-understanding and, for some more than others, forgiveness.
Part of doing so means embracing what marriage and monogamy really mean. “Is it the wounds inflicted, back and forth, the inevitable disappointments, the unbridgeable distances?” Or is it a more consoling and transcendental concept that a person can be secure in knowing that their spouse chose them and only them…on their wedding day and every single day thereafter? Do monogamy and trust go hand-in-hand? Is it possible to truly love and NOT be monogamous?
The shape of each character emerges and Sue Miller displays a spot-on ability to mine the emotions and the desires of each one. We—the readers—feel as if we know them and understand their insecurities, their wants and needs, their misguided choices, and the yearning for love and connection that makes their lives matter. Most importantly, we want each of them to be happy or at least, somewhat fulfilled.
The author’s enormous sensitivity to her characters made her choice of dwelling on their physical appearance a little disconcerting. Frieda, for example, is repeatedly referred to as homely and/or plain. The descriptor was fine for the first time or two, but the repetition was unnecessary. After the focus shifts from Graham, the narrative slows down a bit (one character, a pianist and old friend of Annie’s, may not be entirely needed).
These are quibbles. Let it be said that I deliciously turned pages, immersed in this psychologically astute book and the world Sue Miller so painstakingly created. A heartfelt thanks to Harper books for giving me the privilege to be an early reader in return for an honest review. #MonogamyBook.
With a title like, “Monogamy”, you know going in that it’s going to be, in part, about adultery. And it is. But most essentially it’s about marriage, grief, family, and our uniquely American culture regarding these things. This is the first new novel by Sue Miller in six years, and I sat down and devoured it as I have all her others; to further press the metaphor, as after a delicious and plentiful meal, in the end I felt happily satiated.
“Monogamy” is the story of a particular marriage, that of Graham and Annie. Graham owns a bookstore in the Boston area, and Annie is a professional photographer. They have one daughter, and also make room in their lives for Graham’s first wife, and his son by her. Don’t expect to always like these characters, for Miller has skillfully written them as flawed yet relatable humans. That’s all I’ll say about the story because it’s all I would want to know going in.
A few other impressions I had of the novel: one is that this novel will be particularly enjoyable for English Majors (I are one!) It is rich in literary references, allusions, and “hidden” quotes, for Literature fans to love, but not so many or so obscure as to bother anyone else.
One of the other things I enjoyed about reading of Graham and Annie’s lives is that it was all SO FOREIGN to me. I’ve never lived on the east coast or in an urban area. I don’t have a social life that in any way resembles Graham and Annie’s (heck, I’m not even married much less in a long marriage) and I have no experiences with things like artist colonies or summer homes. Graham and Annie’s life together is familiar to me only through novels such as this one.
Toward the end of the book there is a wonderful section where Annie meets someone that she knew more than thirty years previously. It’s beautifully written and humanizes Annie more than any other part of her life story, in part because she recognizes her own vanity through honest self-reflection, and because what happens at this reunion is something that could easily happen to any one of us “of a certain age”.
I read “Monogamy” during the early summer of COVID-19, and I hope that by the time it comes out after Labor Day Sue Miller will be able to do the press tour that had been planned for it!
Miller is a prolific writer, but this was my first time reading her work. I listened to this on audio, and thought the novel was wonderful in this format. It's the rare fiction author who narrates their own work, but Miller's narration of her story was top-notch.
Graham and Annie have a strong 30 year marriage. Graham owns a bookstore, and this is a fun thread throughout the novel because much of the couples' life revolves around bookstore events (they met at an author event!). Early in the book—this is not a spoiler—Graham suddenly dies. This prompts Annie to reflect on their life together, and in the process she trips over new information about him and their life together, causing her to question the very foundations of their relationship.
A sad, wistful, reflective literary story about marriage, happiness, and family.
My first (finished) read of 2022, and it's a five-star book. Why have I only just heard of Sue Miller? At least now I have her seven previous novels to go and read. I listened to this while doing the world's hardest jigsaw. It's read by the author and is absolutely wonderful - detailed, precise emotions that Miller gets down in such a tender moving way. Really not much happens. Annie meets Graham at the opening of his bookshop in the 1980s and they fall in love and marry. He is a fat man and greedy for everything life brings: food, women, love. This is the story of their thirty-year marriage and what happens afterwards. Devastating. Brilliant.
Hahahaha. Am I an asshole or what? Okay, so this was a pretty major flop for me. When I hear things like “first wife” and “second wife” and “affair” and “DEAD” (!!!!!!) I get all excited for some good family throwdown shit. Unfortunately, this was B.O.R.I.N.G. It didn’t bring any of the drama I was expecting. Heck, it didn’t bring much of anything at all aside from me waking myself up snoring after I had dozed off. It wasn’t even more than average length either, but there was so little happening regarding plot progression that it was a real slog. I didn’t feel like any of the characters were fully fleshed out and I couldn’t connect with the subject matter at all. Not to mention, there was a LOT of sex. And it was old people sex, so I felt like the poor kid in this commercial . . . .
Sue Miller’s MONOGAMY is a slow burn rather than a bright flame. Focusing on married couple Annie and Graham (second marriage for both), the chapters alternate between characters and time periods. The plot is more like a through-line in the story than a sequence of events, but before the end of the novel, you’ll see that the grief process is the main “action.” Grief associated with death, yes, but also other kinds of grief. Miller’s strength in conveying the pain of loss was authentic, moving, and realistic. Graham is the lodestar of the story, the pivot point, but the other characters have their own inner lives, also. Annie and her daughter, Sarah, have a tendency to look at their emotional wounds from multiple angles, obsessively, and allow the anguish to eat at them.
This is a nuanced character study, chiefly interior—reflective, thoughtful, complex, with a keen emotive quality that is both quiet and disquieting. Don’t look for passion, carnage, active adventure. The author instead deftly constructed a cerebral but also visceral narrative. I know that I provided a lot of descriptors, which may or may not be helpful for a potential reader curious about the premise and the dynamics of this book. This is the most stately, restrained, and measured of all of Sue Miller’s novels. The voice and tone of MONOGAMY reveal the private hells of people who share blood or bond but carry despair privately, often silently. Secrets intensify their loneliness, and the burdens they shoulder create deep, yawning wounds that hemorrhage when disturbed.
Blended family issues raise tensions between them, and revelations bleed through with Miller’s artless subtlety. Graham, a partnered owner of a Boston bookstore, is the most gregarious and generous of the family, a big man with a big voice and big appetites. An oversized Teddy Bear, warm and devoted. Overwhelming at intervals, and periodically oblivious to the guilt and distress he places on others.
Annie is pretty and reserved, not confrontational, reticent to share her most conflicted concerns. First wife Frieda remains in the picture and is Graham’s closest confidante; she still has residual and unresolved pain. They have a son together, Lucas, now a successful man. Annie and Graham have a daughter, Sarah, who as an awkward teen turned to Frieda for maternal support. Moreover, Frieda and Annie gradually form a bond, progressing to best friends, which pleases Graham. But this isn’t a soapy story; Miller keeps it seasoned and sophisticated.
Graham’s garrulous nature seduces others to concede to his way of shaping life, his narrative. But you can still pick through the individual memories that sway to perception. It’s the kind of story that, despite the title, is not a beach read or skin teaser. It’s adult, mature, and requires the inward patience you reserve for a sober, contemplative tale.
Some readers may conclude that there is too much unnecessary detail, which I initially thought when Miller expanded on what may seem extraneous detail. However, these small, even trivial matters verify our own quotidian lives. I closed the book satisfied and also relieved to return to my own concerns. Excellent but with minimal levity, not a relief from this pandemic, but it is bittersweet and ultimately redemptive. 4.5 rounded up
Thank you to HarperCollins for sending me an ARC to read and review
This is one of those books that is difficult to fairly rate, as there were some great and memorable parts, but at other times it was like a story that someone tells you and you know where it's going, but they just keep rambling on and on with every minor, trivial detail they could possibly throw in, and you wish they would just get to the point and be done with it. That's kind of how I felt about this book.
You know from the title and the back cover blurb that is a story about marriage, adultery, family, and secrets - Annie is not the first love of Graham's life, but in her mind, she is his last and greatest love. The children are grown, and Annie and Graham both have a very odd, intriguing relationship with his first wife, Frieda. You quickly learn though, that Graham has recently faltered in his faithfulness; but he realizes he has made a mistake and means to put it right. Then the unthinkable happens and Graham dies (not a spoiler, as it is prominently highlighted in the blurb). Once Annie learns about Graham's unfaithfulness, she can't seem to find her way, questioning just how well did she knew the man who loved her and every other part of her life.
I thought the book was great until Graham dies, and then the rest of the book focuses on the aftermath. It had much promise and could have been a great story, but for me it went downhill at that point, as it seemed to ramble on and became a bit tiresome. I think the book could be shortened by a hundred or so pages without losing a thing. I also realized about halfway through the book that most of the characters weren't all that interesting, or even really likable. Not a prerequisite for a fabulous read, but the characters still need to be somewhat engaging and these just weren't. There were some emotionally raw, poignant parts that spoke to me, and I would begin to think I was ready to start losing myself in the book; but then one of the characters would say or do something really off-putting, and I would be turned off once again.
Overall, I admire Miller's lilting, almost-poetic, writing style and beautiful prose, and the cover is gorgeous! Unfortunately, I just couldn't wholeheartedly embrace the plot and the characters. Lots of others seemed to love this book, but for me, it was a middle-of-the-road, 3-star read.
i simply don’t believe that none of the characters (“artsy,” upper middle class cantabrigians) would have a therapist. perhaps it because if anyone in this book did have a therapist, the plot would crumble.
I really hated this book. the characters we're self-indulgent, pseudo-intellectuals who apparently didn't have a clue about parenting probably because they were so selfish about their own lives they had no idea that others were in the world.
The ending made absolutely zero sense. She can't take photo's cause of a broken arm so NOW she's grieving??? What does that have to do with anything? And what about Frieda? her son is a selfish little prick (well look at his step-mother & father) who can't think about how she may be feeling about her ex-husband who was still prominent in her life. All any one cared about was ANNIE ANNIE ANNIE. She could care less about any of them. Even her husband was an afterthought to how she was feeling or needing. I only finished it cause I though something has to happen. They all drive somewhere on a very rainy night and no one dies? Nothing at all happens....nothing!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Pub dates keep changing on me which means I read this book early - it comes out September 8th from HarperCollins.
This novel felt so much like it was written by James Salter - if you like stories of lifelong relationships with all the ups and downs, or the impact of one death on the lives branching off from those LTRs, this is a novel for you. It's set in Connecticut but still somehow people have live an upper middle class existence while owning a bookstore and practicing a non lucrative photography career... A little suspension of disbelief, shall we say. But I enjoyed it.
Started off promising but a bit of a let down in the end
This book had a lot going for it, the title, the cover, the premise and the writing but it kinda fell flat overall.
In Monogamy we meet long time married couple Graham and Annie who are both living and working in Vermont. Graham can be described as a teddy bear who co-owns and runs a Bookstore. Annie is a photographer who is in the midst of putting together a show that could land her back on the market. This is both Graham and Annie’s second marriage, they have one child together- Sarah and Graham has a child from his previous marriage Lucas. They have been married for a long time and life is easy and comfortable, that is until one day Annie wakes up to find Graham dead.
With the sudden death of Graham the family is scrambling to make sense of it all. There is a big hole where Graham use to be and everyone is not coping. It is at a wake for Graham that his wife Annie finds out he wasn’t faithful to her. She doesn’t know how to grief the man she thought he was and who he actually was.
First let me know, this book is beautifully written, it is clear Sue Miller knows how to write.
Second, this is a book about nothing really. This book could have been wrapped in 100 pages. Have you read a book where the entire book was the blurb? Lol. I kept waiting for something to happen but… yeah, if you read the blurb you read the book.
Son partita pensando di leggere un libro sui rapporti coniugali. D'altra parte leggendo titolo e sinossi era abbastanza ragionevole supporlo. Ed è senz'altro un libro sulle relazioni amicali e d'amore. Un libro che tratta di maternità e paternità in una famiglia allargata. Un libro in cui si riflette sul tema tradimento e monogamia matrimoniale.
Ma. Dal mio punto di vista, o quello che mi ha maggiormente catturato, è il suo trattare di immagini. Immagini in senso letterale (la protagonista del romanzo è una fotografa) e immagini in senso figurato, ovvero della rappresentazione che ci facciamo delle persone che ci stanno accanto e di noi stessi.
Di come crolliamo quando, in una qualche maniera, abbiamo l'evidenza della mancanza di rispondenza tra immaginario e realtà. E il punto di vista mediato è similare allo sguardo del fotografo (o del pittore) che, nello scatto (nel dipinto) mostra una rappresentazione sicuramente parziale del soggetto e spesso teso a uno scopo rappresentativo particolare.
Un libro inaspettatamente per niente banale, ricco di spunti di riflessione e di arte.
We've seen this before. Well written, but nothing sparked for me except the gorgeous descriptions of meals in the past, the importance of food as a connective device, and the Nancy Meyers like interiors.
There are two things that I'd like to point out right away. First, this is a marvelous novel but only for a specific kind of reader, of which I am one (books without plot, ruminating about love and life? sign me up!) Second, the description made me think that much of the novel revolves around the affair but in fact this affair is discovered only two thirds into the book and has only moderate consequence on the story - this is something that's been weighing on me (even though this was the primary reason I picked this up after having read Esther Perel's The State of Affairs!) up until we got to the point when the affair was discovered and the way it was handled made me admire the novel even more.
I think it will be difficult for me to convey why I loved this novel so much because I barely understand it myself. It is beautifully written and portrays very realistic human beings, none of whom are bad (seriously, no one to hate here). It explores the grief of a family when Graham, the man they all love and the man that is the center of everyone's existence, dies suddenly.
Annie, his wife of 30 years, remembers how they met, how they built their life together, what was good and what wasn't so good (many, many more good memories though). Frieda, Graham's first wife and close friend of the family, remembers her time with Graham and what led to their ultimate divorce and subsequent friendship, with both him and Annie, together and separately. Lucas, Frieda and Graham's son, who resents his mother for taking him away from his father who he adored. Sarah, Annie and Graham's daughter, who resents her mother for not loving her the way her father did.
Everyone has always been seeing the best in Graham because he was so full of life and love, towards everyone he knew, so much so that it was impossible to hate him for the missteps that he made, even though he was a regular human being, just like all of us. And because of that or despite that it's so compelling to read about the life they all had with him, the happiness they shared and even the loss, the empty space, the ones that are left now share too.
I don't know if this is Sue Miller's masterpiece or if all of her books are like this but I intend to find out. Yet another author I discovered serendipitously and, boy, am I grateful for my luck.
3.5 rounded up. This is a story of a marriage but it is largely a story about the individuals involved in the marriage. Annie and Graham both previously involved in other relationships, meet, court and marry. Graham is part owner of a bookstore in the vicinity of Harvard, Anne is a photographer. The story revolves around not only their relationship to each other over the course of their long marriage but is also an in depth look at how they relate to the people who are close to them. There is Freida, Graham's first wife and their son, Lucas, also Sarah, the daughter Graham and Annie have together. Next door is Karen, an older neighbor who is beginning to be quite forgetful and a little addled. Other more minor players occasionally appear.
The entire novel is light in its unfolding. Even events that have great import unfold slowly and seem to flow into the story with ripples rather than waves. It is easy to dismiss this as a mere character study but on reflection the lack of overt drama gives the story a more true to life feel. This is not a story heavy on plot but more a study on how we love and hurt one another and I found moments of it quite beautiful and deeply enjoyable.
Where do I start? Having never read anything by Ms. Miller but hearing good things about her writing, and hey! that nice review in the NYT, I figured that I'd shell out the twenty bucks or so and see what her "...important and compelling writing" is all about.
It wasn't easy for me to slog through this mess. Since when does a baby's cry sound like an old door opening and closing, you know...all creaky...like a door? Most of her similes and metaphors were as bad as that one.
Then there was the abundant use of adverbs, so abundant that I thought perhaps I should start counting them, that's how much they distracted me. So when someone enters a room she not only enters it suddenly but also quickly? Wow...must have taken a very long time to come up with those two words ending in ly.
But the very worst bit of writing for me at least was on page 126 when Miller wrote: "Graham. Her breath seemed to stop." And then just three sentences later: "Her breath seemed to stop."
First of all, either your breath stops or it doesn't. You're either not breathing for a few seconds or you are. There isn't any "seeming" about it. Just awful writing, really. And second, the fact that no one caught it, that Miller got away with writing two such awkward sentences in close proximity says to me that once you've written a few NYT best-sellers, after a certain point in time, no one bothers to edit anything you write.
The writing overall was sloppy and insipid and by now you'd think that Miller would know that it is true that readers prefer to be "shown" rather than "told". There was a whole lotta telling going on in this novel, very little showing.
The only thing that makes me feel good about all of this is that...and get ready for it, I'm going to plug my own book now...my debut novel was released in mid-August, and it's far superior to Miller's. If anyone on Goodreads would like to read it, it's on Amazon and the publisher's website: adelaidebooks.org. It's titled "Letting Go."
I protagonisti di questa romanzo non sono le "persone" bensì l'amore, la vita di coppia, le bugie, i segreti e i tanti tradimenti. Un romanzo che narra l'amore tra Graham, un librario e Annie, una fotografa, sposati da quasi trent’anni con due figli ormai adulti: Sarah, figlia di entrambi e Lucas, il figlio che Graham ha avuto dalla sua prima moglie Frieda. Quest'ultima moglie che, nonostante sia stata lei a lasciarla e a scappare da casa, continua a pensarlo costantemente. Nella loro cerchia di amici e conoscenti, sono considerati una coppia d’oro. Ma in realtà anche loro hanno dei segreti nonostante l'amore che li lega. Mentre Annie è sempre stata fedele durante il loro matrimonio, Graham è no, è un uomo molto socievole con grandi appetiti: curioso, desideroso di compiacere, amante della vita e del cibo, conviviale organizzatore di feste vivaci. Graham l'ha tradita molte volte, e Annie lo scopre solo dopo la sua morte improvvisa. Sebbene Frieda sia una presenza costante nella loro vita, Annie è consapevole di essere il più grande amore del marito. Quando Graham muore, Annie è perduta, si sente sola e secondo lei non ha senso andare avanti senza di lui. Poi scopre dei segreti pungenti e inizia a pensare il marito defunto con altri occhi: occhi dell'invidia e del risentimento. Un libro super scorrevole, scritto con uno stile pazzesco e coinvolgente, Monogamia è un inno all'amore e ai problemi di coppia, problemi comuni in molte coppie, è una sorte di fotografia delle relazioni amorose di lunga data e dei segreti che spesso vi si nascondono. Un libro dai temi forti e potenti che mi ha coinvolto molto e mi è piaciuto molto, tra l'altro la copertina è un vero quadro... mi sono innamorata dei colori!
I had to think about this a lot before I wrote my review. If anyone wants to engage in a conversation, I'd be happy to talk about it!
I picked this up after someone either told me, or I read, that it was an "indulgent" book for the author. I am not against Sue Miller; I don't dislike her. I really have little or no experience with her. I remember when her book The Good Mother came out, although I never read it. I remember when the movie, starring Diane Keaton came out, but I never watched it. I was just not interested in reading a book on that subject matter or the movie.
This book is interesting. The book's description describes the main trajectory of the novel: a happy, middle aged couple is interrupted by death. Graham, the husband, dies. Annie, his second devoted wife, is left dealing with both her memories and missing him, and her discovery that he was unfaithful to her. Annie is also close with his first wife, Frieda, who left him because she could not deal with infidelities, even though she agreed to an "open" marriage." She also has relationships with both her daughter with Graham, now an adult woman who works in public radio in California, as well as Frieda and Graham's child, Lucas, who is a book editor in NYC, and is happily married to a French actress.
The plot is not so terrible. However, the execution, while I found did provide compelling reading, was often disturbing. Miller makes sure we know what everyone looks like: Annie is a tiny, attractive person; Graham is a large and jovial person--despite his size, he is still very appealing to women, sexually, and men, socially. He seems happy, but he reveals to Annie that he is maybe actually sad. He is popular. Frieda is like Olive Oil--large and gangly, ungraceful. The opposite of "graceful" Annie with her "dancer's body." Sarah, Graham and Annie's daughter, is also large and Annie thinks as a teenager, unattractive and overweight. She seems to have a hard time "liking" Sarah because of her "ungainly" appearance. This constant focus on the characters' appearances is somewhat distracting. I don't mind a descriptive moment or two, but the constant comparisons made me sad and tired. Larger women are described pejoratively, while Graham is a"ok" with his overweight body, and his "fat penis." Friends of the couple speculate about tiny Annie and large Graham's sex life (so freaking weird!). Much is made of Graham's size and matching "appetites" for everything in life. This grew tiresome, and was a ridiculously overused trope throughout the novel.
I also did not understand the author's constant avoidance of any contemporary technology. Hardly anyone uses a smart phone, cell phone, or computer! When Graham dies, Annie goes to his office, but never opens a laptop or boots up a PC--and nothing like that happens at his bookstore either. Towards the end of the book, after Graham's death, Annie is momentarily reunited with a male author she met many years earlier (when she is married to Graham) at an artists' retreat (Annie is a photographer). Her stepson Lucas mentions him and then that she is coming to speak and sign his latest books at the bookstore formerly owned by Graham (prior to his death). She goes to the reading and reunites, very briefly. with this man, now 30 years older. He misremembers her as someone he actually had sex with, when really all they did was make out like teenagers. This absurd meeting (she knew nothing else of this author's life or books despite her husband owning a bookstore?) is followed up with Annie having a bad fall on ice outside her Cambridge home, and even after breaking bones, she drags herself to her home and up the stairs to the "landline." The marriage began in the 1980s, and this is 30 years later. No one refers to a "landline" before the widespread use of cell and smartphones. But Annie doesn't seem to have a cell phone--not even a flip phone--and only has a "landline" upstairs in her dead husband's office. How does she communicate with her far flung family? Make plans? She never mentions emails or social media. Never opens the dead man's phone to check his messages, voice or text. This annoyed me, this very pointed ignorance of technology. Her daughter makes a private phone call to her California boyfriend after a Thanksgiving gathering a year or two following her father's death. SHe goes to her room and takes her phone out of her purse. It's utterly ridiculous to try this hard to ignore correspondence/communication of any kind. There aren't letters either!
Annie is a photographer--an artist--who admittedly does not have a super successful career. Much like Ms Miller, she indulges herself. She photographs what she wants, as Miller writes what she wants, oblivious to what people want. I understand that, but how does this "family" afford a home in Cambridge, Mass.--even a renovated carriage house? Taxes are high, and Graham is a small business owner of a locally owned bookstore. No mention (again) of social media or online ordering, etc. Independent bookstores in the the 2000s were not exactly known as million dollar businesses. And with Annie's semi-successful, amateurish photography career--she self publishes some books of her photos, or they are published by a small press owned by a friend of Graham's--I hardly believe she could suddenly survive when her husband dies. However, he had a small life insurance policy, and low and and behold, she has cared for her elderly, demented neighbor with relatives who want nothing to do with her. Now that the neighbor has died, she has taken in the neighbor's old cat, she has benefitted from a generous bequeathal to care for said old cat. She is set, to the relief and amazement of her family and her readers. Silly.
Anyway, my problems with this book are that I was so distracted by the things the author has chosen to ignore, or wrongly focus on, I ended up not liking any of the characters. I felt they were one dimensional: paper dolls placed there bend and to reflect Annie's feelings. I could never buy into the close friendship she has with her husband's ex-wife, or her son. It was all too weird and progressive, yet they were the most unrealistic and least progressive people I had ever read about. She never looked up the books written by the man she had a passionate pseudo-affair with, even though her husband owned a bookstore? Never looked up anyone's profile on Facebook or Twitter? Or even Googled their names? If the world she lived in and the people who were around her were more REAL to me, I may have believed she was someone who shunned all traces of contemporary modernity, but mostly, it just struck me as unrealistic and annoying. I didn't like Annie's self importance, and confidence, and even after she finds out about a secret but brief affair her husband had right before his death, she continues to behave so strangely. Doesn't ask the woman any questions, and there is no follow up there with that, either. Her relationship with her daughter is unrealistic and very strained--her child seems unimportant to her.
I don't need big things to happen in books, but I do prefer a realistic book, that I can imagine it happening. I didn't see the attraction to "fat" Graham, screwing every woman he meets. I was repulsed by her focus on physical appearance, and her superiority to EVERYONE. When her daughter finds the books of photographs featuring her heavyset husband and his bookstore and all the torn pages, that her mother has destroyed apparently in a fit of rage or sadness, but doesn't confront her, I was annoyed. It was annoying. This book annoyed me. It could have been so much better. But Sue wanted to please herself.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Kai reikia nuvažiuot iš Kauno į Vilnių, bet užsuki ir į Jonavą benzino, ir Alytuj papietauji, Varėnoj prisimeni kaip prieš dešimt metų su baba grybus rinkai, Šalčininkai beveik ne iš kelio, ten galima užsukt kavos, Kernavėj, sako, yra į ką pažiūrėt, piliakalniai tai tikrai, tada galima ir apie piliakalnius pagalvot – o kas jiem vardus sugalvojo? Prieš grįžtant į namus Vilniuj, dar užsuki į Mažvydo biblioteką, pasiskaitai apie kryžiuočius, nes tokia vat logiška seka, o tada, kai jau parkinge ruošies lipt iš automobilio, paskambina mama ir kalbatės dvi valandas. Maždaug taip skaitosi „Monogamija“. Ir gali atrodyt, kad čia vien priekaištai, bet nors proza labai graži, nors skaitosi ir taip žmogiškai, asmeniškai, tikrai kaip tikro žmogaus tikras pasakojimas, jaučiuosi kaip įmesta į šeimos balių. Šeimos, kuriai nepriklausau. Ir tik mandagiai šypsausi. Čia daug atidos detalėms, mažiems dalykams, kurie arba nepasakyti, arba jų poveikiui, jei ištarti garsiai. Persipynę santykių ir santykėlių voratinkliai, bet jie kaip dulkės, užėjus pas ką nors į svečius – pastebėsiu, jei šeimininkas labai jau dejuos, bet tik šeimininkui ir aktualiausi.
Todėl Sue Miller gali rašyti, bet čia tokia literatūra, kuri kažkokia nutolusi gal nuo manęs, o gal nuo tokių knygų, kurios man artimesnės širdžiai. Nors kalba sukasi apie dvi moteris, vis tiek labiausiai pasijaučia vyrų veikėjai. Ir vis tiek viskas apie jo neištikimybę, apie negalėjimą daikto kelnėse nulaikyt, apie sudievinimą ir išaukštinimą, nes tik jis toks įdomus, o kiti tik sukasi jo orbitoj. Knyga, jei būtų kokių 150 psl. apimties, būtų gal net išskirtinai gera. Dabar, kai beveik 400, į galvą šauna kitas žodis iš M raidės. Irgi romanui tinkamas. Monotonija.
I have always enjoyed Miller's books. I could not classify this as one of her better efforts. The Good Mother , written some time ago, was a novel which remains in my mind to this day. It was a deep, tragic study in human emotions. This offering moved along with very little degree of building tension .