A Big Bad Wolf's VILLAINLY Alphabet: An Alphabet for young Villains, Tricksters, and Junior Rogues

by Jeff Mach, Gahil Windu (Illustrator)

By now, you probably know that The Big Bad Wolf got a raw deal. The question is, how can YOUR aspiring villain, little monster, or generally weird kid learn the kinds of important lessons which will help them get through life and not grow up to be Normal? (ALSO, A MANY ADULTS ENJOY THIS BOOK AND FIND IT SIGNIFICANTLY MORE FUN TO READ THAN MOST ALPHABET BOOKS. DON'T TELL ANYONE.) Anyway, as we were You don't want YOUR young supervillain to get caught monologuing by the Heroes, do you? The Big Bad Wolf, an expert on taking monstrous paths, offers an appropriate alphabet for your adorable hellspawn. "I is for Impish. It’s not mysterious. Some of us ask the world, 'Hey! Why so serious?'" "O is for Opening – Of hearts, and of minds To all of the misfits, lost toys, left-behinds." "R's for Revenge, as always it's been. (Revenge is expected. What's never known? WHEN.)" If you've got a pint-sized possible Villain on your hands, you're going to want to read 'em this book. WE SHOULD PROBABLY MENTION THAT THIS BOOK * Dark humor. * Some big words. YOU may not know them. That's okay. Part of the joy of being villainous is stretching your mind and learning new things. And if you don't know a pronunciation, just make it up--erm, we mean, "look it up, like a responsible person". * Rebelliousness * Villainy * Bad guys. (duh.) Now, we don't actually recommend that you teach your children to plot revenge on their arch-nemesis. (WHY does your child have an arch-nemesis, for heaven's sake?). But we DO think that, if you're the sort of parent who believes it makes sense to talk to kids about some of the ways people might not be nice to each other, it's going to make a LOT more sense to say, "Okay, here's a book that'll teach you about being a Big Bad Creature", and then talking about it... ...than to do what most books do, and just say, "Never do bad things, never think bad things, and bad things never happen." We're Villains. We're ready to deal with reality. Plus, we are a LOT more fun than the Heroes. Written by the Big Bad Wolf and certified Dark Lord Jeff Mach, with adorable illustrations by Gahil Windu, this book is a must have, in the totally unbiased opinion of the person who will most benefit from the royalties.

29 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 20, 2019

About the author

Jeff writes a lot of peculiar, often villainous fantasy and science fiction. He speaks about himself in the third person rather a lot. He's mostly a satirist in both his novels and his short work. He writes more F&SF poetry than a healthy person ought. He knows a lot about pickup lines for Dwarves, Hobbits, Elves, and others.

Reviews

[Eric Arillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple, sweet , and powerful

Why can a simple alphabet stir so much emotion. Well, because the things I was told were wrong will never burden my children, and it feels good to see some truth! For once a book that cuts the soft pasty flesh off of the fairytale carcasses and leaves the gleaming pure white bone of truth revealed. Awesome.

[Letty Lem · Rating 5 out of 5]

My very strange child loved this book-

My daughter loved this book- we encourage independent thought in our offspring & having a good time with these funny but very pointed truisms is a great way to start a conversation with your intelligent child.

[Charles Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Fun Title to share with the Little Monsters!

A Cute ABC primer for the wee little monsters in our lives. Cute Devilish and Monstrously Fun. A Fun addition to any villains repertory of fiendish reads.

[Matthew Anderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

He's No Edward Gorey

I think this has promise, but it feels like a rough draft. It also was a better book when Edward Gorey wrote it.

[Jeff Mach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is it really okay for authors to review their own books?

I think that this is a deeply subversive alphabet book, with many words which are intentionally too large for adults, much less children, and I think those are good things. I think this book will turn you into a villain, and that's an AMAZING thing.

I think the author is terrible at formatting books, and it's charming.

I hope it's charming.

I really, really hope it's charming.

[Shad Freud · Rating 5 out of 5]

A cute picture book for villainlings

Adorably evil, I recommend this Abecedarian Evil for children of all ages, whether crawling out of the womb, or crawling into the grave, pick up this book, should a chuckle you crave.