The one star is for fleshing out the characters of Ali and Tom well. The rest are lost because of the appalling tone the author used to demonise Ali.
I lost a baby in similar circumstances to Ali. Tom has to be one of the most selfish characters I’ve read about for a while but the author just repeatedly smashes the reader over the head with rose coloured glasses when it comes to him.
First up, what he said to her at the hospital about not saying something was diabolical. He was stressed which makes it excusable, but only with a very significant, insightful and meaningful apology. The second he said that he ceased being a safe person for Ali in this tragedy. And yet he never brought it up again. Even after the midwife appointment when her self blame was clear, he STILL didn’t say anything. There is no way in hell Ali could have found comfort in him after that plus no proper apology or demonstrated insight. So her not sharing her grief with him is on Tom, not Ali.
Then, the dinner he cooked for her where he took away the wine bottles, was incredibly manipulative. Taking the bottles to his mum’s house, meaning he told his mum about this, was a betrayal and humiliated her. THEN he reveals his true intentions for making her stop drinking, which is that he wants another baby. Just to be clear, this would have been about 3 months after Ali gave birth to their dead child. Talking about another pregnancy would immediately trigger a massive flashback. The one time someone tried forcing me to have a conversation about that in the first few months, it made me as close to suicide as I have ever been in my life, the trauma was so much. But Tom didn’t think about that. He didn’t care about the fact that she had said she couldn’t try again (not ‘won’t’, but ‘couldn’t’). He just cared about what he wanted and the author of this book painted him as the good guy.
Third, he never ever once tried to help Ali in the way that she needed. The author has written this book in a way that made Tom’s style of grief ‘good’ and Ali’s ‘bad’. Ali’s grief style is all about escape. Yet he continually demanded attention and wanted her to support him in the way that he wanted. To the point that when Ali had a few hours respite from the torment she was in by talking about a political scandal, he was repulsed and immediately turned the conversation back to the one that HE wanted.
In fact, everyone around her was trying to dictate to her how to grieve instead of talking their cues from her. What I would have done is, from day one, watch her, see she’s looking for an escape and then find a healthy one with her. Like taking the car, turning the music up loud and driving somewhere, anywhere. Anything at all really, just not dictating to her how to grieve. Fact is that she initially turned to alcohol because no one she knew was offering any escape other than drinking.
And why didn’t Tom get forced to see a psychologist? Maybe it would have helped him not treat his grieving wife like a breeding sow.
This book is deeply misogynistic and perpetuates gender stereotypes by demonising the main female character for not ‘doing grief right’.