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Comedy Sex God
Part autobiography, part philosophical inquiry, and part spiritual quest, Comedy Sex God is a hilarious, profound, and enlightening romp around the fertile mind of stand-up stand-out, podcast king, and HBO superstar Pete Holmes.
Pete Holmes is the host of the hugely successful podcast, You Made It Weird; a sold-out-every-night stand-up comedian with two HBO specials, and the creator/star of the hit HBO show “Crashing.” But it wasn’t always roses for Pete. Raised an evangelical Christian, Pete’s religion taught him that being “bad” – smoking, drinking, having doubts or pre-marital sex – would get him sent to an eternity in Hell, so, terrified of the God he loved, Pete devoted his life to being “good,” even marrying his first girlfriend at the age of twenty-two only to discover a few years later he was being cheated on. Thanks for nothing, God.
Pete’s failed attempt at a picture-perfect life forced him to re-examine his beliefs, but neither atheism, Christianity, nor copious bottles of Yellow Tail led him to enlightenment. Pete longed for a model of faith that served him and his newfound uncertainties about the universe, so he embarked on a soul-seeking journey that continues to this day. Through encounters with mind-altering substances; honing his craft in front of thousands of his comedy fans; and spending time with spiritual savants like Ram Dass, Pete forged a new life—both spiritually and personally.
Beautifully written, spiritually profound, and often completely hilarious – imagine Ram Dass’ Be Here Now if written by one of the funniest men alive – Comedy Sex God reveals a man at the top of his game, and a seeker in search of the deeper meanings of life, love, and comedy.
Pete Holmes is the host of the hugely successful podcast, You Made It Weird; a sold-out-every-night stand-up comedian with two HBO specials, and the creator/star of the hit HBO show “Crashing.” But it wasn’t always roses for Pete. Raised an evangelical Christian, Pete’s religion taught him that being “bad” – smoking, drinking, having doubts or pre-marital sex – would get him sent to an eternity in Hell, so, terrified of the God he loved, Pete devoted his life to being “good,” even marrying his first girlfriend at the age of twenty-two only to discover a few years later he was being cheated on. Thanks for nothing, God.
Pete’s failed attempt at a picture-perfect life forced him to re-examine his beliefs, but neither atheism, Christianity, nor copious bottles of Yellow Tail led him to enlightenment. Pete longed for a model of faith that served him and his newfound uncertainties about the universe, so he embarked on a soul-seeking journey that continues to this day. Through encounters with mind-altering substances; honing his craft in front of thousands of his comedy fans; and spending time with spiritual savants like Ram Dass, Pete forged a new life—both spiritually and personally.
Beautifully written, spiritually profound, and often completely hilarious – imagine Ram Dass’ Be Here Now if written by one of the funniest men alive – Comedy Sex God reveals a man at the top of his game, and a seeker in search of the deeper meanings of life, love, and comedy.
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First published May 14, 2019
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April 30, 2019I love memoirs by comedians, and I love spiritual memoirs, and here is two in one.
June 2, 2019
There is something deeply strange about the sensation of starting a book and having the experience of "oh my, I identify with that feeling and remember when life was like that." Then you proceed and eventually have the experience of "oh my, that is exactly how my life feels right now." Then you look down and realize you aren't quite finished with the book, and as you proceed you cannot help but feel like the author is a strange county fair fortune teller predicting your future. You're not quite sure how accurate they are, but it certainly has the ring of truth and possibility about it. I don't think Holmes is prescribing a story ending for other young men like he was and I am. People who feel like they've escaped the damaging influence of evangelical Christian masculinity, but are still thankful for some of the lessons it taught us. I'm not sure what to do next, but Holmes does the loving thing of explaining what's worked for him, and giving you permission to try what works for you, knowing all the while that Pete will still love you.
August 13, 2019
I think Pete Holmes is hilarious! However, the second half of the book was hard to get through. I think I heard the words "Ram Dass" and "Maharaji " enough to last me a lifetime (even multiple reincarnated lifetimes)
June 7, 2019
Pete Holmes has been one of favorite podcasters for awhile, and a favorite guest on other podcasts. So I was excited to see him publish a book. While not much of this is new to anyone who has listened to pete regularly, it's a fun and funny summary of his upbringing in the church, marriage and divorce, deconstruction and finding peace with his spirituality. Fun to listen to on audiobook as he narrates it himself. But not with kids around...
May 28, 2019
Pete Holmes is a gift.
April 11, 2019
Read full review here: https://iancmclaren.com/2019/03/27/co...
My journey to Comedy Sex God began with Rob Bell, which is fitting because he’s the author of Sex God.
Similar themes, but less funny.
Rob is the former pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, MI (not to be confused with Mars Hill Church in Seattle). I used to religiously download his weekly sermons, and was feeling a Bell-shaped void after he decided to take off for Los Angeles to pursue other ventures.
It was 2013 and were planning a trip to Ottawa at the time, so I did a search for Rob Bell in my podcast app to help keep me entertained on the long drive. I came across his name listed beside this funny little logo and was interested to see how the author of Love Wins could make it even weirder. As it turned out, that book was the impetus for this podcast host to reach out to Rob, and I quickly learned that I actually had a lot in common with Pete Holmes.
Our stories aren’t quite the same (my wife didn’t leave me for a small Italian man, thank God), but I weave in and out of phases of deconstruction and reconstruction as a result of life circumstances, having my eyes opened to new ways of thinking while shelving old, harmful beliefs about faith and God’s role in the world in which we live.
I can’t say I’ve gone so far as to have my mind opened by psychedelics, and likely never will. Pete’s deep dive into Ram Dass is kind of where our paths veer most obviously. I’m interested in him and will check out his teachings, but I won’t be humping on a plane to Hawaii anytime soon. At the same time, I’ve kind of found a guru in absentia in Richard Rohr – another previous YMIW guest and a fave of Pete’s – and often think about planning a retreat to New Mexico to meet him.
That’s kind of the point of Comedy Sex God, really. We’re all on different paths, but we all come from the same Oneness, and the more in tune we become with it and each other, the better off we all will be.
Pete referenced Bell in this book, and I know he has a relationship with others I admire, namely The Liturgists, David Bazan, and Rohr himself. Again, different streams, but all flowing from the same grand river.
The sections on meditation and breathing and Awareness were particularly meaningful for me, and I know these are practices I need incorporate into my life. Thanks for another kick in the ass, Pete.
I should add Pete is a really great writer, and both his comedy and his warmth come off the pages in droves. This book is hilarious, and I laughed out loud on several occasions; it’s also deeply moving, and I teared up more than once.
It will come as no surprise that I can’t recommend this book highly enough. I hope you all read it, love it, and come to admire Pete as much as I do.
My journey to Comedy Sex God began with Rob Bell, which is fitting because he’s the author of Sex God.
Similar themes, but less funny.
Rob is the former pastor of Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, MI (not to be confused with Mars Hill Church in Seattle). I used to religiously download his weekly sermons, and was feeling a Bell-shaped void after he decided to take off for Los Angeles to pursue other ventures.
It was 2013 and were planning a trip to Ottawa at the time, so I did a search for Rob Bell in my podcast app to help keep me entertained on the long drive. I came across his name listed beside this funny little logo and was interested to see how the author of Love Wins could make it even weirder. As it turned out, that book was the impetus for this podcast host to reach out to Rob, and I quickly learned that I actually had a lot in common with Pete Holmes.
Our stories aren’t quite the same (my wife didn’t leave me for a small Italian man, thank God), but I weave in and out of phases of deconstruction and reconstruction as a result of life circumstances, having my eyes opened to new ways of thinking while shelving old, harmful beliefs about faith and God’s role in the world in which we live.
I can’t say I’ve gone so far as to have my mind opened by psychedelics, and likely never will. Pete’s deep dive into Ram Dass is kind of where our paths veer most obviously. I’m interested in him and will check out his teachings, but I won’t be humping on a plane to Hawaii anytime soon. At the same time, I’ve kind of found a guru in absentia in Richard Rohr – another previous YMIW guest and a fave of Pete’s – and often think about planning a retreat to New Mexico to meet him.
That’s kind of the point of Comedy Sex God, really. We’re all on different paths, but we all come from the same Oneness, and the more in tune we become with it and each other, the better off we all will be.
Pete referenced Bell in this book, and I know he has a relationship with others I admire, namely The Liturgists, David Bazan, and Rohr himself. Again, different streams, but all flowing from the same grand river.
The sections on meditation and breathing and Awareness were particularly meaningful for me, and I know these are practices I need incorporate into my life. Thanks for another kick in the ass, Pete.
I should add Pete is a really great writer, and both his comedy and his warmth come off the pages in droves. This book is hilarious, and I laughed out loud on several occasions; it’s also deeply moving, and I teared up more than once.
It will come as no surprise that I can’t recommend this book highly enough. I hope you all read it, love it, and come to admire Pete as much as I do.
July 9, 2019
This is a very good book. We don’t agree about the way he sees God, but I identified with many of his experiences about spiritual development and development as an individual. Like, down to song lyrics.
It’s also the closest I’ve ever come to thinking I should try psychedelic drugs. But my mom might read this review, so DON’T WORRY: I decided against it. 🤣😂
It’s also the closest I’ve ever come to thinking I should try psychedelic drugs. But my mom might read this review, so DON’T WORRY: I decided against it. 🤣😂
June 26, 2019
I laughed so hard listening to this audiobook. In the end I didn’t exactly follow his spiritual journey, but I appreciated his candor.
December 19, 2021
This was a winning book, by a funny and earnest guy. I enjoyed his story about, mostly, his move from an evangelical childhood to a more forgiving and open spirituality in his adulthood. I feel like he retained a tendency to proselytize, though, despite his stories about hating that part of Christianity. He's extremely likable, and I wish his book had been more about his comedy, but I'm delighted he's so happy. I would be interested to hear his thoughts on how his seemingly self-focused spirituality squares with our duty to help others and serve our community.
May 26, 2019
This was a super easy read that was also incredibly deep. Perhaps it's because Pete Holmes and I had such similar upbringings for our formative years, but I don't know that I've ever found something so relevant. Pete Holmes is basically a braver version of me.
It has encouraged me to continue further reading about spirituality and the nature of the Divine, and I don't know that a lot of comedians' books can say that. Did "Leading With My Chin" do that? (No.)
In any event, I loved it.
It has encouraged me to continue further reading about spirituality and the nature of the Divine, and I don't know that a lot of comedians' books can say that. Did "Leading With My Chin" do that? (No.)
In any event, I loved it.
December 27, 2019
Pete at his best. Moments of insight, humor, and honesty. Loved it.
Here are some of my favorite excerpts:
Up the street, people were literally protesting at my high school because some of the teachers didn't have masters degrees, yet all the while the mysteries of existence and the complexities of spiritual ethics were being taught to children by guilt ridden volunteers, and no one gave a shit.
So much anxiety in my life comes from not knowing what to do or how to behave, but everyone knows how to be sad. Mingling at a party is hard; drawing the blinds and drunkenly having a fake conversation with your ex-wife is surprisingly natural.
It's not "no one's watching, who cares!" It's "no one's watching, let's watch each other."
God and life and sex were complicated, and that exploring those ideas in humorous ways often felt beautiful, and unifying, and sometimes reminded me of Jesus having dinner with the sinners and the tax collectors, loving and breaking bread with them instead of offering judgment.
God is the name of the blanket we throw over the mystery to give it shape. Come on - shouldn't I have heard this in church? Why am I hearing this from the road manager for AC/DC?
The new perspective of God as metaphor is about unlocking the deeper meaning and applying it to yourself. And that deeper meaning is "go and do likewise."
The story isn't about fact-checking what happened then, it's to assist in your inner transformation now.
Stop debating burial sites or looking for DNA on the shroud of Turin. This story is continuing, and the next chapter is about you. You, dying to your lower self, leaving behind your base humanity, and rising to your highest self, awakening to your own interconnectedness with the pulse of the world.
But so many of us are still standing around talking about how well He did it instead of getting a move on. Don't just celebrate His ascension, get to ascending yourself.
There's nothing I can do to bring me closer to or farther from the infinite love of God, I thought. There are only things I can do that can increase or decrease my awareness of that love. 'Sin' wasn't the 'bad thing,' it was unconsciousness.
She was smart, and kind, and funny, and just the safest, warmest hiding spot I had ever found in which to shield myself from the stresses and fears of life.
My whole life, talking to God was prayer, and prayer was asking for things - guidance, or money, or a new nickname to replace "Biter Shaft." But repeating a mantra was different. It wasn't about getting something, it was about losing something; namely the never-ending stream of unsolicited horseshit our brains pump out effortlessly every second of every single fucking day.
The only method for getting out of your own way, then, is to give your brain a task. Something monotonous and hypnotic, so you can sneak past your mind like around a napping security guard.
Because let's be honest - sometimes meditation feels great, and sometimes you sit there with your legs crossed for half an hour just replaying an episode of ALF in your head, and you don't feel any better than you did when you started.
Maybe we're not just here to satiate our sense desires. Maybe we are something more than just our personalities and our drives toward pleasure and our hopes to avoid pain, and maybe when that elemental part of us sees us chasing the wrong carrot or the wrong stick it sends up signals to nudge us back onto the right track.
My whole adult life, whenever I was depressed, I had a hard time seeing the meaning in anything. People would ask me if I wanted to go to the park, say, and my despair would respond, "Why? What are we gonna do? See things? Smell things? Touch, taste, and hear things? What was the point? If that's all we can do, why leave your bed? My depression made me feel trapped, like I was stuck in one of these ridiculous hungry, bored, horny bodies, forced to play the meaningless game of killing time - shooting pool, eating sandwiches, fucking - until one day I die. But...if everything - going to the park, feeling low, eating a burrito - was another opportunity for you to awaken, to play hide and seek with the truth of who you really are, suddenly life could be charged with endless meaning and electric vitality, snapping you into the moment because it's all we have, and you don't want to miss a thing - one clue, one opportunity to snap out of it and reclaim your true Self.
He teaches that instead of saying, "I'm depressed," you could say, "There is depression." Like, I'm over here, looking at it. Wow. That's a heavy one. I don't know if people get out o depressions like that one. But he asks,"Is the part of you that's noticing the depression depressed?" In other words, is your Awareness depressed? If not, part of spiritual practice is to slide into that part of yourself, identify with it, and relax.
God is the part of you behind your thoughts and your personality that's watching all of it.
I wanted to love Christ so badly, and I did, but the Gospel he asked us to spread as it had been told to me was, frankly, shameful. I was ashamed to have to tell all my gay, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, and Muslim friends they were going to hell. I was ashamed to tell people that their grandparents and loved ones who had died didn't believe were in hell, right now, and there was nothing we could do about it. On one hand, I was told to tell everyone I could the Good News, to save them, and on the other, there was nothing I wanted more than to keep it to myself.
Here are some of my favorite excerpts:
Up the street, people were literally protesting at my high school because some of the teachers didn't have masters degrees, yet all the while the mysteries of existence and the complexities of spiritual ethics were being taught to children by guilt ridden volunteers, and no one gave a shit.
So much anxiety in my life comes from not knowing what to do or how to behave, but everyone knows how to be sad. Mingling at a party is hard; drawing the blinds and drunkenly having a fake conversation with your ex-wife is surprisingly natural.
It's not "no one's watching, who cares!" It's "no one's watching, let's watch each other."
God and life and sex were complicated, and that exploring those ideas in humorous ways often felt beautiful, and unifying, and sometimes reminded me of Jesus having dinner with the sinners and the tax collectors, loving and breaking bread with them instead of offering judgment.
God is the name of the blanket we throw over the mystery to give it shape. Come on - shouldn't I have heard this in church? Why am I hearing this from the road manager for AC/DC?
The new perspective of God as metaphor is about unlocking the deeper meaning and applying it to yourself. And that deeper meaning is "go and do likewise."
The story isn't about fact-checking what happened then, it's to assist in your inner transformation now.
Stop debating burial sites or looking for DNA on the shroud of Turin. This story is continuing, and the next chapter is about you. You, dying to your lower self, leaving behind your base humanity, and rising to your highest self, awakening to your own interconnectedness with the pulse of the world.
But so many of us are still standing around talking about how well He did it instead of getting a move on. Don't just celebrate His ascension, get to ascending yourself.
There's nothing I can do to bring me closer to or farther from the infinite love of God, I thought. There are only things I can do that can increase or decrease my awareness of that love. 'Sin' wasn't the 'bad thing,' it was unconsciousness.
She was smart, and kind, and funny, and just the safest, warmest hiding spot I had ever found in which to shield myself from the stresses and fears of life.
My whole life, talking to God was prayer, and prayer was asking for things - guidance, or money, or a new nickname to replace "Biter Shaft." But repeating a mantra was different. It wasn't about getting something, it was about losing something; namely the never-ending stream of unsolicited horseshit our brains pump out effortlessly every second of every single fucking day.
The only method for getting out of your own way, then, is to give your brain a task. Something monotonous and hypnotic, so you can sneak past your mind like around a napping security guard.
Because let's be honest - sometimes meditation feels great, and sometimes you sit there with your legs crossed for half an hour just replaying an episode of ALF in your head, and you don't feel any better than you did when you started.
Maybe we're not just here to satiate our sense desires. Maybe we are something more than just our personalities and our drives toward pleasure and our hopes to avoid pain, and maybe when that elemental part of us sees us chasing the wrong carrot or the wrong stick it sends up signals to nudge us back onto the right track.
My whole adult life, whenever I was depressed, I had a hard time seeing the meaning in anything. People would ask me if I wanted to go to the park, say, and my despair would respond, "Why? What are we gonna do? See things? Smell things? Touch, taste, and hear things? What was the point? If that's all we can do, why leave your bed? My depression made me feel trapped, like I was stuck in one of these ridiculous hungry, bored, horny bodies, forced to play the meaningless game of killing time - shooting pool, eating sandwiches, fucking - until one day I die. But...if everything - going to the park, feeling low, eating a burrito - was another opportunity for you to awaken, to play hide and seek with the truth of who you really are, suddenly life could be charged with endless meaning and electric vitality, snapping you into the moment because it's all we have, and you don't want to miss a thing - one clue, one opportunity to snap out of it and reclaim your true Self.
He teaches that instead of saying, "I'm depressed," you could say, "There is depression." Like, I'm over here, looking at it. Wow. That's a heavy one. I don't know if people get out o depressions like that one. But he asks,"Is the part of you that's noticing the depression depressed?" In other words, is your Awareness depressed? If not, part of spiritual practice is to slide into that part of yourself, identify with it, and relax.
God is the part of you behind your thoughts and your personality that's watching all of it.
I wanted to love Christ so badly, and I did, but the Gospel he asked us to spread as it had been told to me was, frankly, shameful. I was ashamed to have to tell all my gay, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, and Muslim friends they were going to hell. I was ashamed to tell people that their grandparents and loved ones who had died didn't believe were in hell, right now, and there was nothing we could do about it. On one hand, I was told to tell everyone I could the Good News, to save them, and on the other, there was nothing I wanted more than to keep it to myself.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 27, 2019
I love Pete Holmes, and back when he first started to blow up I used to obsessively ask everyone if they’d heard of him and if they hadn’t I’d do his “DYLAN, YOU JUST HAD A BANANA” routine about how it sucks to be a kid and tell them to google him.
THE SECOND I found out this book existed I dropped everything and started reading it. I didn’t even bother to read the description first.
What I missed is that this book is pretty much entirely about religion. Of course, Pete has been openly Christian since always so I wasn’t that shocked, but I was expecting more of a memoir and less of a weird Bible lesson with a side of...hinduism? But whatever, I am clearly obsessed with people’s tales of personal growth, as evidenced by 90% of what I read, so sure, I’ll read about your spiritual journey.
About half way through I started to feel like this was just like every other “I did hallucinogens and FOUND GOD FOR REAL. WE’RE ALL ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE” story and things started taking a real Jimmy Carrey-esque turn. (See this link if you don't know what I'm talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQMvZ...)
I seriously considered not finishing the book because it felt like he had moved from, “Here is my story” into “Let me tell you the secrets of the universe” territory. Uhh. I love tales of personal growth, but I hate listening to people pontificate about the meaning of life. I started to get bored because it was a really messy and convoluted way to describe what I already know. (I mean, I don’t believe THIS, but I think we basically think the same thing. Isn’t this really just woo-woo nihilism?) I’m one of those people he describes who doesn’t need to meditate or do acid to “get it.” I get it, and I’m over it. XD
So listening to him recount how he figured out the nature of existence and then proceeded to try to cram it into a Christian framework was...both interesting and annoying. On the one hand, I was like okay, this is my new favorite interpretation of the Bible. But also...why? So much mental work to make his new worldview fit inside his old worldview. It started to feel like every other, “GUYS, *I* figured out what the Bible is REALLY trying to tell us! You wont believe it!” story. But he was clearly trying to exercise his childhood demons so I stuck with him.
He recovers at the end. He moves back to describing his journey through personal growth and I thought he ended strong even if the whole thing is still pretty weird. I legit thought for a second this might end with Pete joining a cult.
But he’s figuring himself out and it’s working for him. He seems like he’s in a dramatically better place after all this.
THE SECOND I found out this book existed I dropped everything and started reading it. I didn’t even bother to read the description first.
What I missed is that this book is pretty much entirely about religion. Of course, Pete has been openly Christian since always so I wasn’t that shocked, but I was expecting more of a memoir and less of a weird Bible lesson with a side of...hinduism? But whatever, I am clearly obsessed with people’s tales of personal growth, as evidenced by 90% of what I read, so sure, I’ll read about your spiritual journey.
About half way through I started to feel like this was just like every other “I did hallucinogens and FOUND GOD FOR REAL. WE’RE ALL ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE” story and things started taking a real Jimmy Carrey-esque turn. (See this link if you don't know what I'm talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQMvZ...)
I seriously considered not finishing the book because it felt like he had moved from, “Here is my story” into “Let me tell you the secrets of the universe” territory. Uhh. I love tales of personal growth, but I hate listening to people pontificate about the meaning of life. I started to get bored because it was a really messy and convoluted way to describe what I already know. (I mean, I don’t believe THIS, but I think we basically think the same thing. Isn’t this really just woo-woo nihilism?) I’m one of those people he describes who doesn’t need to meditate or do acid to “get it.” I get it, and I’m over it. XD
So listening to him recount how he figured out the nature of existence and then proceeded to try to cram it into a Christian framework was...both interesting and annoying. On the one hand, I was like okay, this is my new favorite interpretation of the Bible. But also...why? So much mental work to make his new worldview fit inside his old worldview. It started to feel like every other, “GUYS, *I* figured out what the Bible is REALLY trying to tell us! You wont believe it!” story. But he was clearly trying to exercise his childhood demons so I stuck with him.
He recovers at the end. He moves back to describing his journey through personal growth and I thought he ended strong even if the whole thing is still pretty weird. I legit thought for a second this might end with Pete joining a cult.
But he’s figuring himself out and it’s working for him. He seems like he’s in a dramatically better place after all this.
May 30, 2019
Fan of Pete Holmes's podcast and Crashing and true to my podcast experience I really liked the comedy and sex parts of the book and much less interested in the God bits.
That is to say, was interested in his backstory of being super churchy growing up (esp in Boston, which is so heavily Catholic - unusual that they were evangelical), but not so much his spiritual seeking (Ram Das etc.) in present - which was quite detailed. You can't blame him, it's right there in the title. And it's pretty consistent with him to want to share that information and experience and talk about it with people.
Anyhow, he not surprisingly is a good reader of his own stuff and I am here for him talking about his dad all day. I think his dad and my dad went to the same school of jokes and Boston accents. "Tits, Petah. Tits."
That is to say, was interested in his backstory of being super churchy growing up (esp in Boston, which is so heavily Catholic - unusual that they were evangelical), but not so much his spiritual seeking (Ram Das etc.) in present - which was quite detailed. You can't blame him, it's right there in the title. And it's pretty consistent with him to want to share that information and experience and talk about it with people.
Anyhow, he not surprisingly is a good reader of his own stuff and I am here for him talking about his dad all day. I think his dad and my dad went to the same school of jokes and Boston accents. "Tits, Petah. Tits."
May 24, 2019
I don’t have favorite anythings, but this is my favorite book written by my favorite comedian. Such a lovely, infectious person with an equally beautiful family. Coming from a fallen Christian background and having searched for the what-is-this, knowing there was something more we weren’t being taught, i was so thankful to find another not-so-crunchy (and tbh a more trustworthy because of that) person (and a very public person at that) spreading the real truth — that we are all the “god” thing that people have been fighting about for a millennia. It’s in us and around us and we need to just stop what we are doing and soak it in!! As with everything, I read this at the perfect time. And it has been a transformative read, which i recommend to literally every single person I know
December 7, 2019
Beautiful, nostalgic, and kooky—but it left a bad taste in my mouth. And I generally love Pete Holmes! Read to see how a white guy succeeds as a professional comedian and then goes to Hawaii to study eastern religion—without once mentioning white male privilege or cultural appropriation. I know that sounds harsh, but I was blown away by how extensively he discusses Hindu philosophy without really discussing history or, like, Southeast Asia.
October 19, 2019
While this book started off funny and as an interesting walk through Pete Holmes' early life, by the halfway point, it's become all about how amazing his newfound new age pan-religion beliefs are. The rest of the book is him proselytizing for his new religion, as if he's trying to convert all of us. While I have no problem with the religion itself, it's strange, given that he spends a lot time explaining how he hated the pressure to sell Christianity when he was young. If he searched his mind a bit, I think he'd find that his need to sell his new beliefs is a vestige of his Christian upbringing, still deeply ingrained. Ultimately, his new beliefs are interesting to consider, he's just trying to sell them way too hard.
That being said, I would recommend the first half of this book to my secular friends as a way to understand what it's like to grow up in a conservative religion. Pete had insights into how easily we can be herded around like sheep when young, how we can be motivated by wanting approval and wanting to be good and wanting to belong. Having been raised as a Christian as well, I identified with his initial naive, sheltered, by-the-book sense of morality, and his inability to see the world beyond it. That was me once too. And that is a lot of grown-ups still, useful to remember when interacting with people who have stuck to their religious mores (most major religions advocate no sex before marriage and generally no alcohol/drugs). They are generally good-hearted people, for sure, but a lot of things in the world they've just never had to think about.
I would also recommend this book to Christians who have left the church, but are finding it hard to work their way through having a self-defined meaning and purpose in life. For that, Pete explains how atheism can be moral - if we're all we've got, all just together in this "confusing, frightening bullshit" of a world, we might as well watch out for each other. Help each other out instead of making it harder for other people. Pete also reinterprets Jesus's own words to say that the ultimate goal is not trying to avoid heaven or hell, but to be one with God now. This kind of interpretation is one that allows anyone anywhere in the world to find joy, so I support it.
The story of Richard Alpert, the American psychologist who went to India and gave LSD to holy men, ultimately finding one who had reached a level of meditation where it had zero effect on him, is told well. It's true that it's an American thing to go to India and find your religion. People have to remember that this is not unique.
Throughout the book, Pete seems to feel an abnormally large amount of shame and anxiety, which, while it can be helpful to us as readers, probably would be diagnosed as a psychological disorder now.
Various quotes:
p. 209 A commentary on how people go to a rose garden but aren't really present there.
p. 214 Discovering the commonality of organized religion -- When he goes on his first Ram Dass retreat and realizes it feels like church, just with a vocabulary switch. Also a bunch of white people who had taken on Hindu names.
"It's a different book and different songs, but I sort of feel like we just traded Jesus for Maharaj-ji. ...As much as Ram Dass called this path a "pathless path", once we were on it, it felt very much like a path. ... This feels like Burning Man. These people look like they make their own soap."
p.222 The spiritual definition of identity, of how to answer the question "who are you?" As expected, different from the standard definition. That's what makes it "spiritual". It doesn't explain why we have these bodies in the first place. It just helps you feel at peace, if you don't question it. It's one explanation that can apply to all of humanity (as opposed to the heaven/hell religions, where most of humanity will burn).
"That's how I would summarize all of spirituality: you are not your thoughts, you are not your personality, you are the elemental, pure, eternal consciousness residing behind those thoughts. Lay down your ego, stop collecting meaningless shit, wake up, and rest in that Awareness. It's who you really are."
p.236 "I had spent so much of my life trying to become somebody special, and here I was, sitting with someone who had spent his life trying to become nobody special." You go certain places with certain goals. Ultimately we all die, so ... you do you! But yes, we all need some peace and times when we stop competing.
p.246 "Maybe we're not just here to satiate our sense desires. Maybe we are something more than just our personalities and our drives towards pleasure and our hopes to avoid pain..." No duh kiddo. Every established religion teaches this. This is not news. But reminders are good.
p. 248 In which he claims that suffering and malaise is all motivation to point you to your "real home". Sounds an awful lot like Christianity! What about all that no heaven stuff? You still believe there's still somewhere better than here, sounds like. But if trying to find the "truth" motivates you to get up in the morning, then go for it. If searching for a reality that doesn't change based on your mood helps you step out of your moods, then go for it.
p.268 "He looked at me, and with the warmth of his smile my nervousness dissolved and instantly we were just two pals hanging out." <-- Could I achieve this? But would it be helpful or hurtful for me? So far, having people feel too comfortable with me has been more of a burden than a boon.
p.281 "Loving the simple awareness, the piece of consciousness that for both of us was just working with the foibles of being stuck in one of these ridiculous meat puppets." We're still us, in the end. But yes. We are also giant meat bags. That is a thing.
p. 286 "I wanted to love Christ so badly, and I did, but the Gospel he asked us to spread as it had been told to me was, frankly, shameful. I was ashamed to have to tell all my gay, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, and Muslim friends they were going to hell. I was ashamed to tell people that their grandparents and loved ones who had died who didn't believe were in hell, right now, and there was nothing we could do about it. [...] I wanted something not just called "Good News" but something that would actually be good news."
In reference to the quote from Alan Watts on p.291, this sounds like every other sermon I've ever heard in my life. It uses analogies to draw conclusions about disparate things, which is NOT a logically correct method. Just because a chicken needs its eggshell for protection but then breaks out of it, doesn't mean we need religious symbols for protection but then to break out of them. One does not follow the other. One can be true without the other being true at all.
That being said, I would recommend the first half of this book to my secular friends as a way to understand what it's like to grow up in a conservative religion. Pete had insights into how easily we can be herded around like sheep when young, how we can be motivated by wanting approval and wanting to be good and wanting to belong. Having been raised as a Christian as well, I identified with his initial naive, sheltered, by-the-book sense of morality, and his inability to see the world beyond it. That was me once too. And that is a lot of grown-ups still, useful to remember when interacting with people who have stuck to their religious mores (most major religions advocate no sex before marriage and generally no alcohol/drugs). They are generally good-hearted people, for sure, but a lot of things in the world they've just never had to think about.
I would also recommend this book to Christians who have left the church, but are finding it hard to work their way through having a self-defined meaning and purpose in life. For that, Pete explains how atheism can be moral - if we're all we've got, all just together in this "confusing, frightening bullshit" of a world, we might as well watch out for each other. Help each other out instead of making it harder for other people. Pete also reinterprets Jesus's own words to say that the ultimate goal is not trying to avoid heaven or hell, but to be one with God now. This kind of interpretation is one that allows anyone anywhere in the world to find joy, so I support it.
The story of Richard Alpert, the American psychologist who went to India and gave LSD to holy men, ultimately finding one who had reached a level of meditation where it had zero effect on him, is told well. It's true that it's an American thing to go to India and find your religion. People have to remember that this is not unique.
Throughout the book, Pete seems to feel an abnormally large amount of shame and anxiety, which, while it can be helpful to us as readers, probably would be diagnosed as a psychological disorder now.
Various quotes:
p. 209 A commentary on how people go to a rose garden but aren't really present there.
p. 214 Discovering the commonality of organized religion -- When he goes on his first Ram Dass retreat and realizes it feels like church, just with a vocabulary switch. Also a bunch of white people who had taken on Hindu names.
"It's a different book and different songs, but I sort of feel like we just traded Jesus for Maharaj-ji. ...As much as Ram Dass called this path a "pathless path", once we were on it, it felt very much like a path. ... This feels like Burning Man. These people look like they make their own soap."
p.222 The spiritual definition of identity, of how to answer the question "who are you?" As expected, different from the standard definition. That's what makes it "spiritual". It doesn't explain why we have these bodies in the first place. It just helps you feel at peace, if you don't question it. It's one explanation that can apply to all of humanity (as opposed to the heaven/hell religions, where most of humanity will burn).
"That's how I would summarize all of spirituality: you are not your thoughts, you are not your personality, you are the elemental, pure, eternal consciousness residing behind those thoughts. Lay down your ego, stop collecting meaningless shit, wake up, and rest in that Awareness. It's who you really are."
p.236 "I had spent so much of my life trying to become somebody special, and here I was, sitting with someone who had spent his life trying to become nobody special." You go certain places with certain goals. Ultimately we all die, so ... you do you! But yes, we all need some peace and times when we stop competing.
p.246 "Maybe we're not just here to satiate our sense desires. Maybe we are something more than just our personalities and our drives towards pleasure and our hopes to avoid pain..." No duh kiddo. Every established religion teaches this. This is not news. But reminders are good.
p. 248 In which he claims that suffering and malaise is all motivation to point you to your "real home". Sounds an awful lot like Christianity! What about all that no heaven stuff? You still believe there's still somewhere better than here, sounds like. But if trying to find the "truth" motivates you to get up in the morning, then go for it. If searching for a reality that doesn't change based on your mood helps you step out of your moods, then go for it.
p.268 "He looked at me, and with the warmth of his smile my nervousness dissolved and instantly we were just two pals hanging out." <-- Could I achieve this? But would it be helpful or hurtful for me? So far, having people feel too comfortable with me has been more of a burden than a boon.
p.281 "Loving the simple awareness, the piece of consciousness that for both of us was just working with the foibles of being stuck in one of these ridiculous meat puppets." We're still us, in the end. But yes. We are also giant meat bags. That is a thing.
p. 286 "I wanted to love Christ so badly, and I did, but the Gospel he asked us to spread as it had been told to me was, frankly, shameful. I was ashamed to have to tell all my gay, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, and Muslim friends they were going to hell. I was ashamed to tell people that their grandparents and loved ones who had died who didn't believe were in hell, right now, and there was nothing we could do about it. [...] I wanted something not just called "Good News" but something that would actually be good news."
In reference to the quote from Alan Watts on p.291, this sounds like every other sermon I've ever heard in my life. It uses analogies to draw conclusions about disparate things, which is NOT a logically correct method. Just because a chicken needs its eggshell for protection but then breaks out of it, doesn't mean we need religious symbols for protection but then to break out of them. One does not follow the other. One can be true without the other being true at all.
March 9, 2021
Really enjoyed this! I think Pete Holmes is stupid funny, but it also helps that we have had some similar life experiences regarding religion. This book has some interesting musings on god, shame, and learning that it’s okay to change your mind. I would recommend the audiobook because I think his delivery is an important part of the stories. Also, I appreciated getting to hear his John Mulaney impression a good 3 or 4 times.
My only real issue with this is that he regurgitated Ram Dass a little too much toward the end for me. I could just pick up a Ram Dass book if I wanted to hear all of his thoughts, but he was a massive part of Pete’s ~awakening~ so I get it.
Overall, I really enjoyed this. If you’re someone who grew up religious and are less-so now, you’d probably get a lot from this. Regardless, you’ll at least get a couple good snort laughs.
My only real issue with this is that he regurgitated Ram Dass a little too much toward the end for me. I could just pick up a Ram Dass book if I wanted to hear all of his thoughts, but he was a massive part of Pete’s ~awakening~ so I get it.
Overall, I really enjoyed this. If you’re someone who grew up religious and are less-so now, you’d probably get a lot from this. Regardless, you’ll at least get a couple good snort laughs.
February 22, 2024
Thoroughly enjoyed this, a refreshing perspective on deconstructing religion without losing curiosity and hope and spirituality. As a child who grew up evangelical his story was very familiar. And funny. And poignant. I was drawn in right away by the honesty and humor, and stayed for the philosophy and metaphysics and ache for something more.
October 14, 2024
There were all three of those things in this book
June 24, 2019
WOW, can I relate to Pete Holmes? Right down to the Christian fundamentalist upbringing, youth group, private college, etc. And a whole ton of messed up body shame with sex.
I also relate to finding more "Christlike" peace outside of religion than in. Rob Bell, Richard Rohr, sans Ram Das, check, check.
I'm not quite aligned with Pete as regards psychedelics, but hey there's time I guess.
I also relate to finding more "Christlike" peace outside of religion than in. Rob Bell, Richard Rohr, sans Ram Das, check, check.
I'm not quite aligned with Pete as regards psychedelics, but hey there's time I guess.
July 29, 2025
11/10. As close as it gets to mandatory reading for anyone who grew up Christian.
June 1, 2019
This book was everything I wanted it to be. I love Pete, love Crashing, love You Made It Weird, love his standup. Growing up evangelical, I had a very similar first few chapters to Pete and everything he referenced really resonated with me and made me laugh and feel nostalgic and roll my eyes right along with him. Listening to Pete read this book was a lot like sitting down to gab about all life’s juiciest, best stuff with a good gal pal. And I think Pete will know that is VERY high praise. I already knew all the main points of the book, from Pete’s divorce, comedy career, meeting Val, being a new dad, and a lot about his spiritual journey from listening to his podcast, but just getting it told in this nice, linear, clean package was really enjoyable. Honestly the best thing about this book was learning all the finer points and personal stuff that contributed to Pete’s spirituality. He seems like a really wise, zen, goofy, kind, adjusted, chill, smart, funny, curious, happy person and it’s totally infectious. The recommended reading at the end is adding to my goodreads list ASAP! This review is definitely not going to be super helpful to others 😅 but this book meant a lot to me and was great and I wanted to log that. Read it! Listen to his podcast! Watch his shows and stand up!
October 18, 2019
I'm sitting on a packed train headed for Melbourne.
I cover the heading with a piece of paper, glancing around to check if I have been caught.
Yet I couldn't stifle my gigtling, nor my concentrating philosophical encounter face as I commuted in the overcrowded carriage. Nor could I leave this memior at home, because its profound, engaging, comedic style makes it a breeze to read. For those of us who grew up in the church and in and around purity culture, this is highly recommended.
I cover the heading with a piece of paper, glancing around to check if I have been caught.
Yet I couldn't stifle my gigtling, nor my concentrating philosophical encounter face as I commuted in the overcrowded carriage. Nor could I leave this memior at home, because its profound, engaging, comedic style makes it a breeze to read. For those of us who grew up in the church and in and around purity culture, this is highly recommended.
June 12, 2019
3.5 stars. Never heard of Pete Holmes before, but the description of his book sounded interesting and reviews are great. It’s an interesting mix of light-hearted yet offensive comedy and very deep thoughts. I enjoyed it but don’t think I’ll remember much about it.
May 22, 2019
Couldn’t put it down. I love Pete’s podcasts for the humor but also for the deep, meaningful conversations he brings every episode. This book was no different. Loved every second of it.
September 11, 2019
In the running for my favorite book of 2019. A beautiful juxtaposition of comedy and spirituality combined into a fun (but potentially tear-filled) read.
January 23, 2020
" Whenever I make a blasphemous joke, I always say that I believe in a God big enough to know that I'm just kidding. How can God not know that I'm kidding? And also, how could God be offended at a thing that he made not believing in him? " Pete Holmes
I have special reverence for comedians because it's their job to poke holes in our world and help us see its absurdities and laugh at them. Pete Holmes has made a name for himself as a religious, clean comedian who is unafraid to look at his past as a evangelical christian and how his beliefs changed after being divorced, working in comedy, and hanging out with Ram Dass.
I first came to know of Pete from his HBO series, Crashing, about a struggling comic whose wife cheats on him, leaving him alone and having to crash on the couches of other comedians. Now I realize that this show was in a lot of ways autobiographical and taken from Pete's real life. Unlike other comedians, Pete doesn't rely on cussing and filthy jokes for laughs, looking for more metaphysical angles instead.
This book was a pleasant surprise, as its title, Comedy Sex God led me to believe it was a tongue in cheek description of himself. In reality these three words describe the book itself- comedy, a bit of sex, and a lot of talk about God. Comedians tend to not take themselves too seriously, and this is a breezy stroll through Pete's life and how he engaged the three topics at hand.
I felt for the author when he described his struggles with his evangelical Christian past. It left him with serious sexual hangups and a rigid theological structure that he couldn't quite reconcile with the world as it is. Having his wife cheat on him and leave him caused him to doubt his entire belief system as he'd done everything the right way his entire life. He left the church after they started using 9/11 to scare people into believing them, and turned to atheism for a while.
The second half of the book is all about his journey from that point- finding new homes for his comedy, new women to have sex with, and most importantly, a new belief system to satisfy his struggling soul. Holmes mentions three people that made the most impact- author Joseph Campbell, podcaster Duncan Trussell, and spiritual leader Ram Dass. These sources alone are helpful and worth checking out, and the author goes into great detail of how each helped him find his way.
One of my bigger struggles is with how to shut up my mind so that I can get in touch with more important things, (God, higher consciousness, my true self, whatever you want to call it.) Fore some meditation accomplishes this, for others like me moving meditation keeps my mind busy enough to distract it. In any case, I appreciated how this book goes into such depth about the process and content of seeking wisdom and enlightenment. Not exactly what I was expecting from a comedian, and much more beneficial than the other spiritual book I read recently, Gabby Bernstein's Super Attractors.
There's not a lot of comedy here, but if you watch some of Pete's standup routines you can see where he's coming from. His adventures with sex are honest and relatable. The God stuff is where he spends most of his time, and it's worth the read.
September 10, 2019
My son loves the book. Loves it so much he rereads certain chapters. So, at his request, I read the book (audio/read).
It’s a really interesting story. Pete’s done his homework, having lived through a paradigm shift of his God-self vision, and not just drugged himself out to escape the sorrow of it; rather, he dug deep, kept searching. In the end, he’s found a good deal of peace. He also looked at his life and wrote about it with enough clarity that he’s helping others find their way to peace also.
We have children who have grown up in a word wholly unlike our own. As parents, though we “managed” it as well as possible (we think? Despite the missteps?) now with grown children the work continues, especially with the anxiety and questions these young generations must, inevitably, face.
Thanks, Pete for giving me some insight, some wisdom, so that I can better understand. Really glad I read.
It’s a really interesting story. Pete’s done his homework, having lived through a paradigm shift of his God-self vision, and not just drugged himself out to escape the sorrow of it; rather, he dug deep, kept searching. In the end, he’s found a good deal of peace. He also looked at his life and wrote about it with enough clarity that he’s helping others find their way to peace also.
We have children who have grown up in a word wholly unlike our own. As parents, though we “managed” it as well as possible (we think? Despite the missteps?) now with grown children the work continues, especially with the anxiety and questions these young generations must, inevitably, face.
Thanks, Pete for giving me some insight, some wisdom, so that I can better understand. Really glad I read.
February 11, 2025
I loved this book. I laughed out loud on so many occasions. This was my first introduction to Pete Holmes, he is hilarious! The self-deprecating humour and sincerity, the lens of a comedian on his own evangelical Christian journey towards secular spirituality, and the explicit as well as casual philosophical contemplation as you follow his changing consciousness - were a blend of domains I clearly needed to consume in a book. I also really enjoyed the language/metaphors he uses to convey complex concepts he learned on his spiritual journey in palatable and entertaining ways.
This book was fun and thoughtful, and both tones were hit super well.
One of my favourite quotes of Pete learning why people are driven towards doing "good" in the absence of God -
"Don't be a dick. We're all we've got."
This book was fun and thoughtful, and both tones were hit super well.
One of my favourite quotes of Pete learning why people are driven towards doing "good" in the absence of God -
"Don't be a dick. We're all we've got."
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 28, 2023
I read this because a friend said it was really good. I disagree. I did enjoy parts of it and even laughed out loud a couple times, but the rest was not anything close to what I expected. The author is very eloquent at expressing his experiences and thoughts, but this is not for anyone doubting Christianity or struggling with their faith at all, as he will have very logical arguments for his way of thinking. The drugs, spirituality, and search for higher meaning were the least enjoyable things about this book. Not as much light-hearted comedy memoir as I was expecting.
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