Confessions of a Rogue TV Comedy Writer: Forty Years of Fame, Fear and Combat Inside The Writers Room.

by Ted Bergman

An uncensored, brutally honest look at my forty years of writing comedy for television. It is a fun, funny, but often stormy ride. So, hang on! It will get bumpy. We’re about to get up close with the likes of Tommy Smothers, Jonathan Winters, Steve Martin, Nell Carter, Redd Fox, Garry Shandling, Don Rickles and several more from the top of my F-list. Writing on staff for Full House was a nightmare, one of the worst experiences of my life... Now there should be no doubt what the “F” stands for. I’m also going to get squeamishly personal. You’ll be there when I meet Goldie Hawn’s stunt double and wind up in a marriage about as peaceful as the Middle East. On the sunny side, you’ll hang with us as we buy a beachfront villa in the Bahamas, cavort with and offend some of the richest people in the world. Ah, and then there’s Redd Foxx giving me a present which keeps me out of prison only because a cop happens to look the wrong way I wrote my first television script, The Munsters, while still in college, yet girls continued to ignore me. A short time later I became the youngest staff writer for The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, earning an Emmy nomination which I’ve never quite lived up to. After The Jonathan Winters Show and two seasons as head writer for Sanford and Son, I was perceived as a comedy writing genius that everybody wanted to throw money at. They were wrong, but I took the money anyway. Okay, so why “Rogue” comedy writer? Way back when I knew everything about everything, it was my naïve belief that as a writer I could avoid the bullshit obligatory in other professions and just speak my mind. I was wrong. But, I took the money anyway. But, there’s this other thing gets me into the most trouble. I have an almost incurable problem with Mean People. You know who they Jerks, Jerk Offs, Pricks, Assholes, Dickheads and Shit Heads. I’ve never been able to ignore these people. Conversely, I confront them. Many say they admire me for this trait. But, just as many tell me to look for a new job. I hope this book will dazzle you with my talent. No doubt it will sometimes astound you with my impulsiveness and lack of good decisions. My father was fond of There are three kinds of people. One percent learn from other peoples mistakes. Two percent learn from their own mistakes. Ninety-seven percent never learn. Maybe you’ll be the one percent that learns from mine. I’m going to try to make this an insightful book about my life; How I got to write jokes for a living, what’s inside my bent brain, the things I care about, the stuff I rant over and the incurable propensity I have for getting in other peoples’ face. However, all that being said, this is a book about a comedy writer who loves to make people laugh. Buy this book. If you don’t laugh, I’ll take the money anyway.

293 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 21, 2019

About the author

I sold my first television script, The Munsters, while still in college, yet girls continued to ignore me. A short time later I became the youngest staff writer for The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, earning an Emmy nomination which I’ve never quite lived up to. My producing and writing credits range from The Hollywood Squares to All in the Family, Sanford and Son, What's Happening, Gimme a Break, The Garry Shandling Show and way too many unsold pilots like, Who Needs Friends?! and The al-Qaida Comedy Hour. I am now retired and writing books from an island in the Caribbean. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it. All book profits go to support aspiring North Korean comedy writers, Blind Ping Pong Players and for a new typewriter.

Reviews

[Melinda Thomas]

This is a fun read, to be sure. I met the author in Roatan, Honduras, in early 2020, and we shared conversations and the occasional beer at sunset on the pier in front of the group of residences where we lived. The pandemic hit while we were there, stranding us for far longer than intended, so we were really fortunate to be able to get to know Ted for awhile. He’s a charming, intelligent, and interesting fellow, pretty much exactly as he presents himself in this book. Great stories, anecdotes about famous people we all know and (perhaps) love, and some interesting insights into what a career as a television comedy writer really looks like. I quite enjoyed all those aspects.

For me, the only drawback to the book was the desperate need for a competent copy editor and proofreader. Thanks to my personal acquaintance with Ted, I know him to be “the real deal.” The myriad spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors don’t illustrate that as well as I would have hoped. I don’t blame him, he’s the idea guy, LOL. But if he writes more (and I hope he will), I think he’d benefit immeasurably from the services of a professional to tidy things up for publication.

I will likely go back and read this book again, or at least parts of it, because it was that engaging. Had it had the benefit of proper attention to the nitty-gritty details (for which some might have less than complimentary adjectives like “anal retentive” and the like), I think it really could have been something pretty fabulous.

Ted is someone I’m very glad to know, and I’m so glad I got to read this story of his really interesting life. I think lots of folks with an interest in television (especially those of us from a certain “vintage”) will enjoy this story very much, as I did.

[Jimmie]

I absolutely loved this book. The author put his heart into this book and I really took this book to heart. I knew Hollywood was not kind, but seeing how the author struggled to keep his footing in a political driven Hollywood was a bit of a gut punch. I appreciate his heartfelt approach to writing this book. It is a must read for any Hollywood fan, especially if you want to see how Hollywood truly works.

[Jami]

Liked it overall, but wonder why it's not paged (533 total)? Also some glaring typos, including celebrity names. I get it that it's a memoir, but probably could've shaved off 100 pages by leaving out all the vacation details.