My Wild and Sleepless Nights: A Mother's Story

by Clover Stroud

'The best evocation of the all-consuming, self-eroding reality of motherhood, while also being luminous with love.' - Sunday Times

Mother to five children, Clover Stroud has navigated family life across two decades, both losing and finding herself. In her touching, provocative and profoundly insightful book, she captures a sense of what motherhood really feels like – how intense, sensuous, joyful, boring, profound and dark it can be.

My Wild and Sleepless Nights examines what it means to be a mother, and reveals with unflinching honesty the many conflicting emotions that this entails: the joy and the wonder, the loneliness and despair.

PRAISE FOR CLOVER STROUD:
'Generous, tender, resonant' Sophie Dahl
'A wonderful book' Julie Myerson
'Bravo brave Clover Stroud' Amy Liptrot
'A masterpiece' Esther Coren
'Visceral and brilliant' India Knight
'Joyous and exhilarating' Cathy Rentzenbrink
'This book is fantastic' Polly Samson
'A remarkable woman, and an incredible writer' Bryony Gordon
'Every time a woman tells the truth like this, it sets another woman free' Elizabeth Gilbert

Charting the course of one year, the first in her youngest child’s life, Clover searches for answers to questions that many of us would be too afraid to admit to – not only about motherhood, but also about female sexuality and identity. Her story will speak to all mothers, and anyone about to embark on that journey.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Parenting, Biography, Biography Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

Published February 20, 2020

Reviews

[Lindsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the writing style but think it was spoilt a bit by the unnecessary sexual references. I’m far from a prude but I don’t think it added anything to the story. Was just crude. Also I didn’t relate to the teenage and baby parenting happening at the same time. But I gave it 3 stars because I did enjoy the writing about the teenage years and in some parts it was poignant enough to bring a tear to my eye. Had it been a book solely about teenage parenting and had it left more to the imagination/own experience relationship wise, I’d probably be giving it 5 stars.

[Faith · Rating 5 out of 5]

The only reason why I did not finish this in one sitting was due to the fact that I was being the very mother that seeps from the pages of this book. Stroud has hit the nail on the head in describing what life can be like with children, and the quiet struggles we have to swallow as a mother, for the sake of keeping the train moving.

I felt so uncomfortable reading this because it resonated with me so much. I felt guilty for the same things Stroud felt guilty for, including her relationship with her teenage son despite the fact that I do not have one! There is so much precedent set when you become a parent and although we try not to, we do adhere to the social norms and suffer in silence. We all go through the motions, but we don't talk about them. Why?

A bit of a timely read for me and it has renewed my sense of worth as not only a mother, but as a woman. It reminded me that they are two separate parts of me - and that is OK.

[Suzannah Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Someone described reading this book as an whole body experience, and they are totally right. I feel like the author awakened emotions in me I never knew that I had, or hadn’t felt for many many years. This is really a very different book from the usual ‘motherhood is hard, but worth it’ theme, but Wild and Sleepless is a genre in its own right.
If you read one book in your life, make it this one!

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gorgeous book! Searingly honest, beautiful language, themes of maternal love, female sexuality, yearning and searching, self-doubt and self-identity. This is an engrossing read about women’s bodies and birth, the mothering of babies and teenagers, that will make mothers feel seen and allow anyone with a mother to empathise in myriad ways with what women give of themselves to their children, even when they don’t always get it ‘right’. I loved it!

[Hayley Mac · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some beautiful writing and captures moments in motherhood so well, but overall I don’t relate to the author and I find some of it a bit needlessly melodramatic. Labour is “Medusa ripping out” and early days of breastfeeding are “nipples bleeding, like being stabbed with hot pokers” (I’m paraphrasing but you get my point). Worth a read though.

[Harriet · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t get the hype.

[Pii Metsavas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest is all I can say.
"Sometimes I think that a lot of parenthood is like that morning, trying to create an impression that you know what you are doing and are in control. Adult life is like this. The teachers have an authority and control over their class, but at the weekends, they want to relax and eat Chinese takeaway in their leisurewear. Sometimes it all feels like and illusion. The angry headmistress exercising zero tolerance really wants to get stoned too."

[Grace Leonard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, honest memoir exploring the authors experience of motherhood and mothering five children including a baby and a teenager all at once.
I’ve not enjoyed a book about motherhood more, it was beautiful and brilliant and I would recommend to all mothers. One I’ll buy for friends as gifts for sure.

[Ellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was in tears from the first chapter, so many pages succinctly described my exact feelings in various moments - the fury of waiting after due date and batting off those "any sign??" questions.

The discord between relationship with self and relationships as mother which I'm still growing into.

Tailed off at the end for me but that could be because I could relate less to the experience.

At times I felt it a touch melodramatic and exaggerating in a chaotic negative fashion, but for a lot of it that worked and probably wasn't too far off the reality.

However, now I feel like I need to read a book that tells me just how wonderful motherhood is or when it isn't how to regain a sense of self !

Sacred Motherhood is next on the list..

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really 9781473578685, though definitely an audiobook
I couldn’t quite decide if her 5th baby was planned or not; if the former, given the problems she had especially with her eldest son, I wonder why she did so. She does come across as a bit whiny and, as another reviewer said, ‘ I couldn’t help but see this book as another privileged woman complaining about her privileged life…’. She acts as though she’s the first person ever to have a baby. I should stop reading her books now.
N.b. She read her book very expressionlessly, and with mistakes still included.

[Ophelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an honest book. I feel this book contained so many of the conversations I would like to have with my mother girlfriends but yet never seem to have the time for and perhaps I lack the ability to admit some truths.

[Rebecca]

I DNFed Stroud’s last book, too; I should have known better that I don’t get on with her style.

[Rosie Thomson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book. A raw, emotional and very real memoir about motherhood that resonated with me on so many levels.

[Ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands down the best book I have read about what motherhood feels like. God I loved this - it made me feel so seen, so not alone. And what a wonderful thing for a writer to do. Thank you Clover.

(Edit: how fitting that in the middle of writing this review I had to go and deal with a major code brown situation from one of my children.)

[Clare · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book evokes motherhood powerfully and realistically and I enjoyed reading it but I didn’t think it was a great novel. I read it because my friend recommended it to me and I’m glad she did because I did identify with various aspects of the main character. However, the storyline was not strong or particularly interesting. The fact that the mother in the book and I have had a shared experience of raising children (in a way that I have rarely seen depicted in other books) was the main thing that kept me reading until the end.

[Chloe Dunkley · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone with a huge maternal instinct, passion for working with children and life long aim of being a mother, I find anything about motherhood to be really interesting. Stroud's book was definitely interesting but it was so much more than that.

Stroud was incredibly raw, honest and emotional with the reader throughout her book where sometimes it was to the point of being uncomfortable. She doesn't shy away from any subject matter and just shares everything. I always appreciate honesty in a person and it made me love my time listening to Stroud reading her book to me (as I had the audiobook).

Stroud has recently welcomed a new baby into her family so she now has five children... Not a choice that everyone would make! She takes us through her life from when she found out she was pregnant with her fifth child, her pregnancy and the beginning of his life.

We hear about Stroud's own complex relationship with motherhood, the challenges facing her other children, her relationship with her partner, her sex life, how she is trying to balance work and family plus so many more things.

At seven hours long, the audiobook was on the shorter side and I could happily have listened to another two hours at least.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend it to anyone else who loves reading about motherhood or who is already mother and wants to read about someone else's journey!

[Therese · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this book as a gift from a good mum friend of mine so I had no idea what to expect. I'd never heard of Clover Stroud and assumed this book would be like so many other parenting books that describe the funny and/or difficult bits of parenthood. However, as I started in on reading the book I was almost immediately taken in by Stroud's ability to describe everything so viscerally. She has this very raw, but relatable way of describing everything. Some of it I don't really recognise in my own like, but other bits feel like she's got inside my head and can read my darkest thoughts. I love how she isn't afraid to lay it all bare and admit she's making it up as she goes along, like so many of do.

The only thing that annoyed me was her sense of privilege. She has a live in nanny and was able to just go off in a weekend away with her husband to rejuvenate her marriage. Yes, it would be very beneficial for any married couple with children, but not all of us have the means to make it happen. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this book and definitely would recommend it to all mothers.

[Flora Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not a mother, and at 33 it's not clear whether that's part of my future. So I was somewhat nervous of reading the intensity of motherhood in this memoir: would I be further swayed one way or the other? Would I find myself missing a life I don't know if I'll have?

This is the kind of book that sweeps you inside another person's mind. I'd be hard pushed to explain the actual plot, but it's more about Clover's way with words - and, more pressingly, her ability to convey the real, raw, bodily sensations that regularly claim her. Reading this is like repeatedly gulping down the bright orange smoothies her children love: sharp, refreshing, sloshing, delicious, and entirely without pause.

In short I adored this book, and it'll stay with me a long time. And you don't have to be a mother to feel compelled by it.

[Cesca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Devoured this visceral, humorous account of one woman's experience of motherhood. I find myself hungry for any writing about being a mother. Ironic because the women best placed to write such books are, like me, too done in at the end of the day to pick up a pen. And as soon as they do, the baby probably cries. I am nosy about how other women 'do' motherhood, but mainly I feel a need to share, to be seen, to speak uninhibited about the extraordinary experiences, challenges, changes being a mother brings. I can see how this book might not be for everyone, but by writing this brave, open memoir Clover Stroud gives a gift to other women, and lays a path for more of us to do the same. Crying babies willing.

[Abbie Luck · Rating 4 out of 5]

A completely candid and open account of motherhood. Upon expecting my second baby I enjoyed reading this nothing held back, honest opinions on motherhood you often don't hear. I strongly related to hearing how lonely being a mother can be whilst also feeling astronomical amounts of love for your child. It is so confusing and conflicting and extremely important to read and know you aren't alone. I picked this up on the back of listening to Clover on the Happy Place podcast and I'm glad I did. I will be eagerly reading her other books.

[Becky Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful.

[Mauricia Lewis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t really relate to the author; it was interesting to hear her view on motherhood, however couldn’t help but see this book as another privileged woman complaining about her privileged life…

[Laura Boakes · Rating 4 out of 5]

8/10 : Fitting perhaps, that I started {& finished} this book on the eve of my sons 10th birthday! Clover writes about her experience as a mother to five, without any airy fairy whimsy, instead with grit, honesty & realism. Having only one child, I can’t compare my experience to that of mothers with multiple children, however, the way in which Clover captures & encapsulates the overwhelming, often bewildering emotions accompanying motherhood, left me feeling seen, & understood. From the newborn haze, through toddlerhood, school days & beyond, Clover exposes the juxtaposition between the fierce, all encompassing love for her children, and the unrelenting sense of suffocation, not knowing her identity, loneliness {despite never being alone} & the brutal way that can make a mother feel. I found her reflection upon her marriage fascinating, the way in which it was often only sex that could bring her & her partner back together, & allow her to recall who she was more clearly, how often her feelings toward him could swing wildly, oftentimes showing envy, yet always deep love & respect. I found this so easy to read, I didn’t want to put it down, & am frankly in awe that Clover managed to write so succinctly with 5 children, a dog & rabbits running around!

[Jenny Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were many things I loved about this fascinating book, which from the blurb I’d thought was about a mum of a newborn and a teenager - I didn’t realise she had three children in between too, and I admire anyone who can manage 5 kids! She has an amazing way with words, and she is right that many parenting books deal with pregnancy and the early years and don’t look at what happens after that, what you might honestly feel as a mum, and how extreme the highs and lows of parenting can be. She talks of loss as your children grow up, but how you carry all your memories together. I loved her honesty in that sense.

The only thing I didn’t like, and which seems to be a trend in books I’ve read recently, is her references to drug taking in the past and intimate details of her relationships. I don’t think it added to the book, it wasn’t what I was reading the book for, and I felt it would be fairly awful for her kids when one day they and their friends read it. I almost stopped reading it early on for that reason, but am glad I persevered, and have just bought her first book (the second sounds too emotional for me!).

[V · Rating 2 out of 5]

Asi půjdu s tímhle názorem proti proudu, ale mně My wild and sleepless nights vůbec nesedlo. Možná proto, že nejsem matka a že mateřství je pro mě zatím dost abstraktní pojem. Ale prostě mi to přišlo hodně rozpolcené, nezdravé. Autorka měla první dítě v 16 a až když se dostala na počet pět dětí, řekla si "stačí a teď se budu věnovat sobě". Já nevím, přijde mi to prostě jako špatné pořadí - proč si dělat děti, když miluje jen šestinedělí a pak je to pro ni peklo? Co těm dětem chce předat, když jediné, co v životě dělala, bylo bytí matkou (a ještě asi ne úplně dobrou). Ale možná jsem jen zbytečně kritická, určitě jsou tam i světlé momenty (aneb třeba se k tomu vrátím, až sama někdy budu mít děti). Hodně mě ovlivňuje skutečnost, že u audioknihy čekám trochu procítěný přednes, a ne monotónní, skoro až strojové čtení bez špetky emocí, zvlášť když se jedná o takhle emotivní knihu.

[Ieva Lākute · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a first time mum, I got this as a gift from a friend and overall enjoyed reading this, although I felt like some points were laboured or repeated a few times. It also felt like there was more emphasis on negative feelings about losing oneself as a mother than on positive ones of what you gain as a mum, and I think it would have made me understand the mother's desire to have 5 kids better if there was more emphasis on the positive moments which I'm sure there are plenty of! I also don't know if this is an objective reflection of motherhood - looking after 5 kids is surely messy - but there was a stark abscense of the father figure who was away Monday to Friday working, so naturally the protagonist would feel huge overwhelm, although these feelings were never attributed to this - it was always about motherhood making it hard rather than the spouse being away.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an easy and enjoyable read, and Stroud captures a lot of the contradictory feelings of motherhood well (e.g. feeling completely overwhelmed by the kids you have whilst also feeling like another baby is exactly what you want). Her perspective on parenting teenagers whilst also having toddlers was interesting.

However, as others have noted, her descriptions of her sexual preferences felt jarring and unnecessary. I also found a lot of the quoted dialogue to be unconvincing.

I have recommended it to a couple of friends who are mothers of young children, but with the caveat that it’s more that it’s validating to read about familiar feelings and experiences than that it’s a great piece of writing.

[Kitty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Charting a year in her life as a mother from late pregnancy to the birth and babyhood of her fifth child, Lester - while also dealing with the problems of her teenage eldest son - Clover Stroud describes motherhood in all its messiness and chaos. I really valued her brutal honesty, found her writing frequently very funny but also very very moving. Though I did not recognise myself in every aspect there were so many descriptions where I wanted to exclaim - 'YES! That's just what it's like!' It is a book full of love too, but never sentimental. Ultimately this book helped me to feel less alone and less of a failure as a mother - motherhood just is hard work.

[Jessica Stock · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5

This is a book that I'm going to keep and reread again and again to remind myself of those feelings about motherhood at each different stage. This book made me cry because it was as close to someone asking me what motherhood feels like (despite the parts about having an older child because I am yet to experience this). It was vulnerable, honest and raw, and resonated with me given that just the other day, someone tried to empathise with me when one of my children was having a tantrum and said how motherhood is one of the most difficult hidden experiences a woman can go through and that having children is a "terrible joy" that splits us apart emotionally and physically.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mum of six I’m deeply grateful to read Clover’s book, putting into words the vast roller coaster of emotions that mothering can bring. Almost uncomfortably honest at times, Clover doesn’t hesitate to share the darkest and brightest moments, the impact on one’s self, one’s relationships, and one’s heart that birthing to let go can bring, and the deep heartbreaking joy that a love like no other allows those of us who are privileged to bear it. A beautiful book. (Listened on Audible, made more powerful by Clover’s own voice.)