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With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life
Every couple knows they need to talk with each other. Every couple knows they need to pay attention to how they can communicate better.
This practical marriage resource by Christian pastor and author Rob Flood not only explores why couples should grow in communication, but it addresses the how of communication.
With These Words offers in-depth, theologically rich tools that will also help flourish relationships outside of your marriage your relationship with your kids, your friendships, and your coworkers.
In this Christian Scripture-based marriage book, you will learn that God is for you and on your side as you press toward helpful, biblical communication based on Christian values. In the face of many emotions and obstacles, there is a clear purpose and a clear method for words.
But in the midst of this shift toward communication and biblical change, Flood shares how you can retain your unique personality, remaining as God made you while honoring him with your words.
This practical marriage resource by Christian pastor and author Rob Flood not only explores why couples should grow in communication, but it addresses the how of communication.
With These Words offers in-depth, theologically rich tools that will also help flourish relationships outside of your marriage your relationship with your kids, your friendships, and your coworkers.
In this Christian Scripture-based marriage book, you will learn that God is for you and on your side as you press toward helpful, biblical communication based on Christian values. In the face of many emotions and obstacles, there is a clear purpose and a clear method for words.
But in the midst of this shift toward communication and biblical change, Flood shares how you can retain your unique personality, remaining as God made you while honoring him with your words.
208 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 3, 2020
32 people are currently reading
158 people want to read
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March 18, 2020
The middle section covers the five communication tools:
The tool of first response
The tool of prayer
The tool of physical touch
The tool of mirroring
The tool of proper timing
Chapter 1 looks to 1 Peter 4:11 and Ephesians 4:29 to lay down four principles that function as user instructions for our communication. The four principles are as follows:
1) We should speak so people encounter God.
2) We should build up with our words and not tear down.
3) We should speak in a way that fits the occasion.
4) We should give grace to others through our words.
He reminds us that corrupting words are words that tear down. We should instead use our words to build up. They must be used to serve others, not ourselves.
Chapter 2 looks to the outcome of folly from Proverbs 10 and 18 (which is ruin). A spouse who continues in folly brings ruin to the marriage. It also shows us that our words reveal something deeper within us - our heart motivations. Four categories of folly from Proverbs 18 that provides a lens through which to look at our marriage and ourselves:
1) Fools do not seek understanding (vs. 2)
2) Fools rush to judgment (vs. 13)
3) Fools look for a fight (vs. 6-7)
4) Fools sow discord (vs. 8)
It reminds us that hope for the fool is found in Jesus (see Romans 8). Realizing our folly is often the beginning of grace. The real danger is in staying a fool.
Chapter 3 points to our fruitless efforts to tame the tongue. Our tongues are a problem (and we must embrace that fact) - we use it to both bless and curse, we use it for good as well as evil, to encourage as well as manipulate, to build up as well as tear down. It boasts of great control and influence over us. And there is no taming it. But when God conquers a husband and wife, he conquers their hearts, minds and tongues. Our only hope is Christ. We stand and fight in the great power of our divine advocate (Ephesians 2:4-7).
Four kinds of work to deal with the problem of the tongue:
1) Devotional work
2) Proactive work
3) Repenting work
4) Community work
Chapter 4 brings into focus the first tool – the tool of first response.
"The course of a conflict is determined by the person who responds, not the one who initiates." Shows us that those who schemed against Jesus failed time and again because the power to decide the direction of each conflict rested with Jesus. We are to respond redemptively (restore something in a decline), even when the initial reaction taken toward us is ungodly – that’s difficult. The other person's sin does not give us license to sin in return. We respond redemptively because that is how God has acted toward us - in grace.
Chapter 5 reminds us of the tool of prayer and how it must be an ongoing lifestyle for every believing couple. He also reminds us to pray as a couple, for our daily communication, at all times and especially when it gets tough.
Chapter 6 focuses on the tool of physical touch with the thoughtful question, "Have you ever noticed how hard it is to grow in anger toward someone whom you are touching affectionately?" This tool especially helps in 3 different situations:
1) When you are preparing for challenging conversations
2) When communication suddenly becomes tense
3) When you are recovering from a failed attempt at healthy conversation
Chapter 7 looks at the helpful tool of mirroring. "Mirroring means one person repeats in their own words what they understand the other to be saying." The surprising result of the tool is that it will help better understand the intention behind our spouse's words.
Chapter 8 looks at the final and important tool of proper timing. He urges us to study the rhythms and normal routines of our lives, especially these four occasions:
1) Times of chaos
2) Times of fatigue
3) Times of charged emotion
4) Times of vulnerability
The concluding chapters look at key passages from Scripture on forgiveness, grace and compassion.
“How do you now trust someone whose words have been so harsh and unloving?”
Forgiveness is the remedy for brokenness in our marriages. Why should we forgive? Because Jesus calls us to do it and because Jesus forgave. He points to Matthew 18, especially the story of the unmerciful servant in verses 23-35. Jesus is making the point that how we forgive others flows out of how we've been forgiven by God. We are supposed to forgive others because God has forgiven us.
The final chapter looks at the anatomy of mercy from Colossians 3. In order for mercy to exist, there must be the offender (the one who sins against someone) and the offended (the one who is sinned against). The offended can then either bring the final ingredient of anger, self-pity or compassion. Here are the three equations he concludes with:
1) Offender + Offended + Anger = Revenge
2) Offender + Offended + Self-pity = Victim
3) Offender + Offended + Compassion = Mercy
The fundamental problem with both anger and self-pity, he suggests, is that they reflect a self-focus rather than a Christ-focus (we look to the mirror instead of the cross). If we look rather to Christ instead, we see that we have received so much mercy and so we are willing to give it to others, especially our spouse. Colossians 3:12 teaches us that we (as God's chosen and dearly loved ones) are called to compassionate hearts. This means that we see each offense and each weakness as “an opportunity for compassion.”
It will take intention and focus to put these tools to use every day.
You can't change your partner. You can only be responsible for yourself. But as you cooperate with the Holy Spirit and begin to communicate and respond differently to your spouse, your spouse will likely respond differently to you and change will happen.
With these words- A Communication Vow
With these words - I will seek to build you up rather than tear you down.
With these words - I will do all I can to reiterate what you mean on a way that honors and respects you.
With these hands - I will touch you caringly, seeking unity even through the hardest conversations.
With these eyes-I will look on you tenderly, avoiding judgment and scorn.
With these ears - I will listen intently to understand what you're trying to say.
I will seek to love the Lord first and foremost, loving you all the while.
With these words - I will share grace, mercy, and forgiveness as it has abundantly been shared with me by our Savior.
And with God's help, our communication will draw us more closely together, for the good of our home and the glory of God.
The tool of first response
The tool of prayer
The tool of physical touch
The tool of mirroring
The tool of proper timing
Chapter 1 looks to 1 Peter 4:11 and Ephesians 4:29 to lay down four principles that function as user instructions for our communication. The four principles are as follows:
1) We should speak so people encounter God.
2) We should build up with our words and not tear down.
3) We should speak in a way that fits the occasion.
4) We should give grace to others through our words.
He reminds us that corrupting words are words that tear down. We should instead use our words to build up. They must be used to serve others, not ourselves.
Chapter 2 looks to the outcome of folly from Proverbs 10 and 18 (which is ruin). A spouse who continues in folly brings ruin to the marriage. It also shows us that our words reveal something deeper within us - our heart motivations. Four categories of folly from Proverbs 18 that provides a lens through which to look at our marriage and ourselves:
1) Fools do not seek understanding (vs. 2)
2) Fools rush to judgment (vs. 13)
3) Fools look for a fight (vs. 6-7)
4) Fools sow discord (vs. 8)
It reminds us that hope for the fool is found in Jesus (see Romans 8). Realizing our folly is often the beginning of grace. The real danger is in staying a fool.
Chapter 3 points to our fruitless efforts to tame the tongue. Our tongues are a problem (and we must embrace that fact) - we use it to both bless and curse, we use it for good as well as evil, to encourage as well as manipulate, to build up as well as tear down. It boasts of great control and influence over us. And there is no taming it. But when God conquers a husband and wife, he conquers their hearts, minds and tongues. Our only hope is Christ. We stand and fight in the great power of our divine advocate (Ephesians 2:4-7).
Four kinds of work to deal with the problem of the tongue:
1) Devotional work
2) Proactive work
3) Repenting work
4) Community work
Chapter 4 brings into focus the first tool – the tool of first response.
"The course of a conflict is determined by the person who responds, not the one who initiates." Shows us that those who schemed against Jesus failed time and again because the power to decide the direction of each conflict rested with Jesus. We are to respond redemptively (restore something in a decline), even when the initial reaction taken toward us is ungodly – that’s difficult. The other person's sin does not give us license to sin in return. We respond redemptively because that is how God has acted toward us - in grace.
Chapter 5 reminds us of the tool of prayer and how it must be an ongoing lifestyle for every believing couple. He also reminds us to pray as a couple, for our daily communication, at all times and especially when it gets tough.
Chapter 6 focuses on the tool of physical touch with the thoughtful question, "Have you ever noticed how hard it is to grow in anger toward someone whom you are touching affectionately?" This tool especially helps in 3 different situations:
1) When you are preparing for challenging conversations
2) When communication suddenly becomes tense
3) When you are recovering from a failed attempt at healthy conversation
Chapter 7 looks at the helpful tool of mirroring. "Mirroring means one person repeats in their own words what they understand the other to be saying." The surprising result of the tool is that it will help better understand the intention behind our spouse's words.
Chapter 8 looks at the final and important tool of proper timing. He urges us to study the rhythms and normal routines of our lives, especially these four occasions:
1) Times of chaos
2) Times of fatigue
3) Times of charged emotion
4) Times of vulnerability
The concluding chapters look at key passages from Scripture on forgiveness, grace and compassion.
“How do you now trust someone whose words have been so harsh and unloving?”
Forgiveness is the remedy for brokenness in our marriages. Why should we forgive? Because Jesus calls us to do it and because Jesus forgave. He points to Matthew 18, especially the story of the unmerciful servant in verses 23-35. Jesus is making the point that how we forgive others flows out of how we've been forgiven by God. We are supposed to forgive others because God has forgiven us.
The final chapter looks at the anatomy of mercy from Colossians 3. In order for mercy to exist, there must be the offender (the one who sins against someone) and the offended (the one who is sinned against). The offended can then either bring the final ingredient of anger, self-pity or compassion. Here are the three equations he concludes with:
1) Offender + Offended + Anger = Revenge
2) Offender + Offended + Self-pity = Victim
3) Offender + Offended + Compassion = Mercy
The fundamental problem with both anger and self-pity, he suggests, is that they reflect a self-focus rather than a Christ-focus (we look to the mirror instead of the cross). If we look rather to Christ instead, we see that we have received so much mercy and so we are willing to give it to others, especially our spouse. Colossians 3:12 teaches us that we (as God's chosen and dearly loved ones) are called to compassionate hearts. This means that we see each offense and each weakness as “an opportunity for compassion.”
It will take intention and focus to put these tools to use every day.
You can't change your partner. You can only be responsible for yourself. But as you cooperate with the Holy Spirit and begin to communicate and respond differently to your spouse, your spouse will likely respond differently to you and change will happen.
With these words- A Communication Vow
With these words - I will seek to build you up rather than tear you down.
With these words - I will do all I can to reiterate what you mean on a way that honors and respects you.
With these hands - I will touch you caringly, seeking unity even through the hardest conversations.
With these eyes-I will look on you tenderly, avoiding judgment and scorn.
With these ears - I will listen intently to understand what you're trying to say.
I will seek to love the Lord first and foremost, loving you all the while.
With these words - I will share grace, mercy, and forgiveness as it has abundantly been shared with me by our Savior.
And with God's help, our communication will draw us more closely together, for the good of our home and the glory of God.
March 6, 2020
“With These Words: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life” by Rob Flood is a great resource not only for marriages but for any relationship. I often find marriage books redundant, but this one is great because it talks about one of the most important (in my opinion) aspects of marriage—communication. Now that I am a mom of a teenager as well as a wife, I am always eager to improve my communication in my different relationships. There are a lot of relatable stories that the author shares. I love that he uses Scripture to back up his points. There are some great takeaways and practical ways to implement his knowledge. At the end of each chapter, there’s a “Bottom Line” and “Discussion/Reflection Questions.” The questions are great if you want to do this with a spouse, small group, or just reflect on it by yourself.
One chapter I especially like is called “The Tool of Prayer.” It talks about how to practically make prayer a regular part of your marriage and how important prayer is in our relationships. I’m excited to implement some of these wonderful truths!
Content: This is a clean read.
Rating: I give this book 5 stars.
I want to thank Rob Flood, New Growth Press and Read with Audra for the complimentary copy of this book for review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I express in this review are my own. This is in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s CFR 16, Part 255.
One chapter I especially like is called “The Tool of Prayer.” It talks about how to practically make prayer a regular part of your marriage and how important prayer is in our relationships. I’m excited to implement some of these wonderful truths!
Content: This is a clean read.
Rating: I give this book 5 stars.
I want to thank Rob Flood, New Growth Press and Read with Audra for the complimentary copy of this book for review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I express in this review are my own. This is in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s CFR 16, Part 255.
January 20, 2020
Whether you see your marriage as healthy or struggling, you'll find a balance of biblical wisdom and practical tools for better communication in Rob Flood's book, With These Words. Can I just say that I found this book extremely hopeful, encouraging, and exciting! Honestly, the tools are simple, but that doesn't mean they're easy. We're talking things like the tool of first response and the tool of mirroring. You'll read about these tools and think, "Duh, I should have thought about that." But while the principles themselves are not overly complication, that doesn't mean these tools are easy to use. It will take intention and focus to put these tools to use every day. But that's part of the beauty of With These Words. Flood doesn't just give you the biblical background. He doensn't just give you tools. He actually takes time to show you HOW these might play out in some typcial marital conflicts or situations.
Practical, helpful, useful. tha'ts how I'd describe With These Words by Rob Flood. You'll learn how to take resonsiblity for your words and how to use them wisely. You won't regret buying a copy of this book. Read it prayerfully, take it seriously, and practice it intentionally. You WILL see results. Honestly, you can't change your partner. You an only be responsible for yourself. But as you cooperate with the Holy Spirit and begin to communicate and respond differently to your spouse, your spouse will likely respond differently to you and change will be effected.
For those of you who want to know a little more about the book, Section 1, Truth for Communication, leads readers to dig into God's Word to learn more about communication. Flood discusses the fact that what comes out of our mouths is simply a reflection of our hearts, and he also addresses the purpose of communication, principles of communication, wise and foolish words, and taming the tonegue.
From there, Flood moves on to Section 2, Tools for Communication where it gets practical. He offers five specific tools that, practiced faithfully, will make a difference in their marital relationship--including the tools of first response and mirroring. Just in caser readers are left thinking, "that's a great tool, but how does it work in the real world," Flood provides some scenarios to show how these tools might play out in various types of marital conflicts or situations. That's in Section 3, Working It Out.
Again, I can't recommend this book highly enough. And, while Flood specifically targets communication in marriage, it's true that these are principles that can be applied in most relationships. With These Words is one book I'll be referencing over and over again as I try to become a better communicator. And, it's a book I'll probably be giving as a gift to others.
Note: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for this honest review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.
Practical, helpful, useful. tha'ts how I'd describe With These Words by Rob Flood. You'll learn how to take resonsiblity for your words and how to use them wisely. You won't regret buying a copy of this book. Read it prayerfully, take it seriously, and practice it intentionally. You WILL see results. Honestly, you can't change your partner. You an only be responsible for yourself. But as you cooperate with the Holy Spirit and begin to communicate and respond differently to your spouse, your spouse will likely respond differently to you and change will be effected.
For those of you who want to know a little more about the book, Section 1, Truth for Communication, leads readers to dig into God's Word to learn more about communication. Flood discusses the fact that what comes out of our mouths is simply a reflection of our hearts, and he also addresses the purpose of communication, principles of communication, wise and foolish words, and taming the tonegue.
From there, Flood moves on to Section 2, Tools for Communication where it gets practical. He offers five specific tools that, practiced faithfully, will make a difference in their marital relationship--including the tools of first response and mirroring. Just in caser readers are left thinking, "that's a great tool, but how does it work in the real world," Flood provides some scenarios to show how these tools might play out in various types of marital conflicts or situations. That's in Section 3, Working It Out.
Again, I can't recommend this book highly enough. And, while Flood specifically targets communication in marriage, it's true that these are principles that can be applied in most relationships. With These Words is one book I'll be referencing over and over again as I try to become a better communicator. And, it's a book I'll probably be giving as a gift to others.
Note: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for this honest review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.
March 18, 2020
3 1/2 stars
The subtitle really sums up this book: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. This book is a good tool to have for building up your marriage. It starts by giving you the issues involved in communication between husband and wife, then gives five specific things you can work on to make communication more efficient. The last section gives examples of these five things in play. Having written a self-help book for marriage, I appreciate the effort and advice that went into this book. The tools are practical and backed up by biblical teachings. I think this is a good resource for married couples and can also be used in general communication with those we love. All too often we are better at communicating with strangers than we are with those we are closest too. This book shines a light on it and gently moves us to change. Full review is at my website: lorainenunley(dot)com
Note: I received this book complimentary from the publisher. I was not required to give a positive review. All of the opinions I have expressed are my own.
The subtitle really sums up this book: Five Communication Tools for Marriage and Life. This book is a good tool to have for building up your marriage. It starts by giving you the issues involved in communication between husband and wife, then gives five specific things you can work on to make communication more efficient. The last section gives examples of these five things in play. Having written a self-help book for marriage, I appreciate the effort and advice that went into this book. The tools are practical and backed up by biblical teachings. I think this is a good resource for married couples and can also be used in general communication with those we love. All too often we are better at communicating with strangers than we are with those we are closest too. This book shines a light on it and gently moves us to change. Full review is at my website: lorainenunley(dot)com
Note: I received this book complimentary from the publisher. I was not required to give a positive review. All of the opinions I have expressed are my own.
February 13, 2020
This book has its roots in experience. The Flood marriage got off to a very rocky start, with conflict, misunderstanding and anger. It was not until a breakthrough of repentance that the couple found grace in communication.
Flood provides a biblical foundation for marriage, practical tools for communication, and various ways of moving forward with what he has provided. He uses biblical illustrations as well as examples from his own marriage and marriages of others.
For me, the most thought provoking part of the book was when Flood wrote of the foolishness of saying “There is no God.” (Loc 501/1987) The foolishness is not in saying God does not exist, but rather, in this situation, at this time, I am going to act and talk as if God does not exist. What foolishness to live any part of life without acknowledging God and His design for my life, my conversation, my actions.
I really appreciate this book. Flood has a good method of communicating truth. He notes we must be willing to recognize our own weaknesses and be willing to change. He gives great principles for communication and insightful strategies for living them out. Questions for discussion or reflection are included at the end of each chapter.
Food for thought: “Words were designed to give life.” (Loc 336/1987)
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher My comments are an independent and honest review.
Flood provides a biblical foundation for marriage, practical tools for communication, and various ways of moving forward with what he has provided. He uses biblical illustrations as well as examples from his own marriage and marriages of others.
For me, the most thought provoking part of the book was when Flood wrote of the foolishness of saying “There is no God.” (Loc 501/1987) The foolishness is not in saying God does not exist, but rather, in this situation, at this time, I am going to act and talk as if God does not exist. What foolishness to live any part of life without acknowledging God and His design for my life, my conversation, my actions.
I really appreciate this book. Flood has a good method of communicating truth. He notes we must be willing to recognize our own weaknesses and be willing to change. He gives great principles for communication and insightful strategies for living them out. Questions for discussion or reflection are included at the end of each chapter.
Food for thought: “Words were designed to give life.” (Loc 336/1987)
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher My comments are an independent and honest review.
November 1, 2024
The author gives practical communication tools for marriage, but doesn’t neglect the gospel by presenting the tools like a magic formula.
January 30, 2020
With these words- A Communication Vow
With these words - I will seek to build you up rather than tear you down.
With these words - I will do all I can to reiterate what you mean on a way that honors and respects you.
With these hands - I will touch you caringly, seeking unity even through the hardest conversations.
With these eyes-I will look on you tenderly, avoiding judgment and scorn.
With these ears - I will listen intently to understand what you're trying to say.
I will seek to love the Lord first and foremost, loving you all the while.
With these words - I will share grace, mercy, and forgiveness as it has abundantly been shared with me by our Savior.
And with God's help, our communication will draw us more closely together, for the good of our home and the glory of God.
Communication can be broken in so many different ways in a marriage and in any relationship. If we think it is the other person, it may do you better to think how you are responding in your communication. Maybe you shut down others. Maybe you don't listen well. Maybe your words hurt rather than heal. Communication is not just about what is being said, but also what we hear and how we hear. Seeking to be right and win the battle is not how marriage is won but is the way for a marriage to be lost. There is hope.
Flood brings marriage communication scenarios for us to see. Maybe you will see yourself. I know I did. The text starts with 3 parts. Part one - Truth for Communication.- There are rules to follow. Part two - Tools for Communication- the practical application to the rules and Part three- Working it Out- If you will, I took this to mean the same way as we work out our salvation. Let me explain. Communication is about the gospel. How we treat others with our words- do they give life or death and how we listen to the other, how we respond. The gospel is about the response to those words . This is what makes this a fantastic text on communication, because it is not well for just our marriage but any relationship we have. Is it God glorifying or is it about elevation of self.
Highly recommend.
A Special Thank you to New Growth Press and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
With these words - I will seek to build you up rather than tear you down.
With these words - I will do all I can to reiterate what you mean on a way that honors and respects you.
With these hands - I will touch you caringly, seeking unity even through the hardest conversations.
With these eyes-I will look on you tenderly, avoiding judgment and scorn.
With these ears - I will listen intently to understand what you're trying to say.
I will seek to love the Lord first and foremost, loving you all the while.
With these words - I will share grace, mercy, and forgiveness as it has abundantly been shared with me by our Savior.
And with God's help, our communication will draw us more closely together, for the good of our home and the glory of God.
Communication can be broken in so many different ways in a marriage and in any relationship. If we think it is the other person, it may do you better to think how you are responding in your communication. Maybe you shut down others. Maybe you don't listen well. Maybe your words hurt rather than heal. Communication is not just about what is being said, but also what we hear and how we hear. Seeking to be right and win the battle is not how marriage is won but is the way for a marriage to be lost. There is hope.
Flood brings marriage communication scenarios for us to see. Maybe you will see yourself. I know I did. The text starts with 3 parts. Part one - Truth for Communication.- There are rules to follow. Part two - Tools for Communication- the practical application to the rules and Part three- Working it Out- If you will, I took this to mean the same way as we work out our salvation. Let me explain. Communication is about the gospel. How we treat others with our words- do they give life or death and how we listen to the other, how we respond. The gospel is about the response to those words . This is what makes this a fantastic text on communication, because it is not well for just our marriage but any relationship we have. Is it God glorifying or is it about elevation of self.
Highly recommend.
A Special Thank you to New Growth Press and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
February 22, 2020
Rob Flood has made a valuable addition to marriage books collection with this focussed look at communication. He starts with his own honest story of bad communication in the early years of marriage, and how God saved their marriage through his grace and the application of communication tools.
Section 1 covers the biblical foundation over three shortish chapters.
Section 2 gets more practical with 5 tools for communication: first response, prayer, physical touch, mirroring (reflective listening) and proper timing. All are well explained and contain good, solid advice.
Section 3 puts it all together- so that couples can “learn how to move forward safely, successfully, and soundly in the will of God”, noting there is never a one-size fits all solution. He returns to the truths of the gospel, and how we are called to live in light of that, challenging spouses to be forgiving and compassionate and have that define their marriage, despite the sin we each bring to the relationship.
There are insightful questions to work through at the end of each chapter, which will really help couples apply it and consider their own strengths and weaknesses. Couples who read it together will benefit greatly. Even one spouse who reads it and tries to apply it will find positive change can be enacted.
Overall, this is an excellent book, strongly grounding marriage communication in the truths of the gospel and how we are called to use our speech in ways that honour Christ.
Section 1 covers the biblical foundation over three shortish chapters.
Section 2 gets more practical with 5 tools for communication: first response, prayer, physical touch, mirroring (reflective listening) and proper timing. All are well explained and contain good, solid advice.
Section 3 puts it all together- so that couples can “learn how to move forward safely, successfully, and soundly in the will of God”, noting there is never a one-size fits all solution. He returns to the truths of the gospel, and how we are called to live in light of that, challenging spouses to be forgiving and compassionate and have that define their marriage, despite the sin we each bring to the relationship.
There are insightful questions to work through at the end of each chapter, which will really help couples apply it and consider their own strengths and weaknesses. Couples who read it together will benefit greatly. Even one spouse who reads it and tries to apply it will find positive change can be enacted.
Overall, this is an excellent book, strongly grounding marriage communication in the truths of the gospel and how we are called to use our speech in ways that honour Christ.
March 5, 2024
I picked this up at a marriage conference a few weeks ago. As a communicator, I was interested to see if tips for marriage communication could be applied to other areas of life.
The book is short, which could make it a quick read, but I didn't want to rush through. One chapter a day seemed to be a good pace for reading and reflecting on the different ideas.
I really appreciated the practicality of this book. The principles of good communication are rooted in Scripture, then demonstrated in practical terms that spouses can apply to their marriage. He also provided three examples to show what bad communication might look like and how it could be fixed. Flood also considers the possibility that only one spouse might be interested in working on their communication, which could be the reality for many couples.
If you're looking for biblically based tips on how to improve the communication in your marriage (whether it's avoiding certain topics or drifting apart), I highly recommend this book.
The book is short, which could make it a quick read, but I didn't want to rush through. One chapter a day seemed to be a good pace for reading and reflecting on the different ideas.
I really appreciated the practicality of this book. The principles of good communication are rooted in Scripture, then demonstrated in practical terms that spouses can apply to their marriage. He also provided three examples to show what bad communication might look like and how it could be fixed. Flood also considers the possibility that only one spouse might be interested in working on their communication, which could be the reality for many couples.
If you're looking for biblically based tips on how to improve the communication in your marriage (whether it's avoiding certain topics or drifting apart), I highly recommend this book.
June 1, 2024
This book is printed on very thick and quality paper. It is divided into three sections the first section is pretty much a Bible study or sermon.The second section gives the tools,which are basic counseling tools for communication including the speaker-listener (which he calls mirroring) and timing. The third section is some final words.
There are questions for study and reflection at the end of each chapter. he does give case examples but many of them to me seem to be weak. I was disappointed in this book. I had high expectations when I heard reviewed on the radio.
There are questions for study and reflection at the end of each chapter. he does give case examples but many of them to me seem to be weak. I was disappointed in this book. I had high expectations when I heard reviewed on the radio.
March 14, 2020
What an incredible tool for marriages! Rob Flood has shared deep insights to the early years of his marriage, which were rocky at best, and backs up his reflections and experience with scripture. The tips for communication between couples are valuable whether your marriage is strong or struggling. Practical and thought provoking.
March 31, 2020
The book starts off with the author sharing how troubled his marriage was and how fast it started. Like so many marriages, their problems began with communication. From there he introduces a few couples who are also struggling with specific communication issues, and they are easily relatable.
With These Words is a marriage book with stories to identify with, practical tools to use, and Biblical wisdom to apply. From forgiveness to mirroring, there is a lot to digest and utilize. There is also a section at the end of each chapter to reflect and discuss.
I think any couple would benefit from With These Words. Like the author, their issues started on the honeymoon. Some, it’s when kids come. Or after a few years and you hide the conflict and let everything fall into complacency. Whatever the situation, I think you’ll find it in this book, and great wisdom to emerge from it stronger. I definitely recommend!
I received an advanced reader copy for review.
With These Words is a marriage book with stories to identify with, practical tools to use, and Biblical wisdom to apply. From forgiveness to mirroring, there is a lot to digest and utilize. There is also a section at the end of each chapter to reflect and discuss.
I think any couple would benefit from With These Words. Like the author, their issues started on the honeymoon. Some, it’s when kids come. Or after a few years and you hide the conflict and let everything fall into complacency. Whatever the situation, I think you’ll find it in this book, and great wisdom to emerge from it stronger. I definitely recommend!
I received an advanced reader copy for review.
May 16, 2023
Easy to read, but readily convicting of failures and sins we often commit against each other, even in Christian marriages. Provides alternative ways of examining your spouse and your communication with each other, tools to improve the communication, and encouragement to persist in love. I would suggest reading it with your spouse, but it certainly can be read as an individual.
March 18, 2020
The author is winsome and very honest about his own failures as he walks the reader through principles and practices that can strengthen and repair any marriage. This book is essential for couples with struggles in their communication. However, even mature and healthy marriages will find help to remain strong.
April 16, 2023
A great book outlining tips for married couples or anyone in a committed relationship on how to better communicate and strengthen their marriage. A lot of great verses and quotes to help understand how to apply and how it helps us as Christians.
June 22, 2021
This is the best marriage book I have read. Both challenging and encouraging. Highly recommended.
August 1, 2021
Anyone who is married, hopes to get married, or ever has any occasion to interact with any human being can greatly benefit from the principles this book draws from Scripture on communication.
May 9, 2024
Very, very helpful and practical tools - not abstract concepts of improving communication like other books.
March 16, 2025
short book packed with biblical wisdom & practical tools for better communication in marriage
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