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The Kindness of Strangers: How a Selfish Ape Invented a New Moral Code
"A fine achievement."--Peter Singer, author of The Life You Can Save and The Most Good You Can DoA sweeping psychological history of human goodness -- from the foundations of evolution to the modern political and social challenges humanity is now facing.How did humans, a species of self-centered apes, come to care about others? Since Darwin, scientists have tried to answer this question using evolutionary theory. In The Kindness of Strangers, psychologist Michael E. McCullough shows why they have failed and offers a new explanation instead. From the moment nomadic humans first settled down until the aftermath of the Second World War, our species has confronted repeated crises that we could only survive by changing our behavior. As McCullough argues, these choices weren't enabled by an evolved moral sense, but with moral invention -- driven not by evolution's dictates but by reason. Today's challenges -- climate change, mass migration, nationalism -- are some of humanity's greatest yet. In revealing how past crises shaped the foundations of human concern, The Kindness of Strangers offers clues for how we can adapt our moral thinking to survive these challenges as well.
320 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 21, 2020
31 people are currently reading
1168 people want to read
About the author
Michael E. McCullough
8 books7 followersMichael McCullough is a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Florida. He directs The Laboratory for Social and Clinical Psychology and holds a secondary appointment in UM's Department of Religious Studies.
McCullough conducts research on the psychology and evolution of moral sentiments, including forgiveness, the desire for revenge, and gratitude. He is also interested in several aspects of religion, including how it evolved, how it develops over the life course, and its links to health, well-being, and social behavior. He has received several national awards for his research, including the early career award and the mentoring award from the Psychology of Religion Division of the American Psychological Association and a Templeton Positive Psychology Prize. His work has been covered in the New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, and many other outlets.
McCullough conducts research on the psychology and evolution of moral sentiments, including forgiveness, the desire for revenge, and gratitude. He is also interested in several aspects of religion, including how it evolved, how it develops over the life course, and its links to health, well-being, and social behavior. He has received several national awards for his research, including the early career award and the mentoring award from the Psychology of Religion Division of the American Psychological Association and a Templeton Positive Psychology Prize. His work has been covered in the New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, and many other outlets.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
August 2, 2020
How many times have you heard some variation of the phrase, advanced by David Hume in the 18th century, that “reason is the slave of the passions”? According to this doctrine, reason is used simply as justification for the pursuit of goals dictated by our emotions. If you want to understand human behavior, therefore, you don’t have to look much further than to what we are biologically programmed to want and pursue.
The problem with this doctrine is that it can’t possibly be the whole, or even the most significant, part of the story. While our passions undoubtedly influence our behavior, our ideas, driven by reason, have altered human behavior more drastically over the last 10,000 years—and especially over the last 300 to 400 years—than can be accounted for by any changes in our biological makeup.
Evolution works its magic over hundreds of thousands and millions of years, so humanity has essentially the same biological makeup as our distant ancestors. The fact that we live nothing like them tells us that we have altered our behavior, not because of a change in our biology, nature, or emotional profile, but through the use of reason and ideas that modulate those tendencies.
This, essentially, is the argument of the book, applied to the specific tendency of humans to be increasingly kind to strangers. McCullough convincingly demonstrates that biological explanations for increasing human generosity—such as kin and group selection—cannot possibly account for our increasing levels of concern and material support for strangers that in some cases we will never meet—and therefore could not expect any kind of direct reciprocal benefits from.
As McCullough explains, the explanation lies in our evolving ideas and justifications, guided by reason, for why we should consider the needs of others on par with our own, and with those of our closest kith and kin. Humans have learned, through various historical confrontations with mass human suffering, to expand their own circle of empathy by advancing arguments that break down arbitrary distinctions and divisions that prevent us from caring about the needs of others.
If you’re tired of hearing that we are all slaves to our biology, this book will be a breath of fresh air for you, as it places reason back in its rightful position. We must continually defend and reaffirm the propositions that tell us that we are part of one larger human community and that there is nothing special about ourselves, or the groups to which we belong, that can rationally place our needs above the needs of others based on arbitrary physical or geographical distinctions.
The problem with this doctrine is that it can’t possibly be the whole, or even the most significant, part of the story. While our passions undoubtedly influence our behavior, our ideas, driven by reason, have altered human behavior more drastically over the last 10,000 years—and especially over the last 300 to 400 years—than can be accounted for by any changes in our biological makeup.
Evolution works its magic over hundreds of thousands and millions of years, so humanity has essentially the same biological makeup as our distant ancestors. The fact that we live nothing like them tells us that we have altered our behavior, not because of a change in our biology, nature, or emotional profile, but through the use of reason and ideas that modulate those tendencies.
This, essentially, is the argument of the book, applied to the specific tendency of humans to be increasingly kind to strangers. McCullough convincingly demonstrates that biological explanations for increasing human generosity—such as kin and group selection—cannot possibly account for our increasing levels of concern and material support for strangers that in some cases we will never meet—and therefore could not expect any kind of direct reciprocal benefits from.
As McCullough explains, the explanation lies in our evolving ideas and justifications, guided by reason, for why we should consider the needs of others on par with our own, and with those of our closest kith and kin. Humans have learned, through various historical confrontations with mass human suffering, to expand their own circle of empathy by advancing arguments that break down arbitrary distinctions and divisions that prevent us from caring about the needs of others.
If you’re tired of hearing that we are all slaves to our biology, this book will be a breath of fresh air for you, as it places reason back in its rightful position. We must continually defend and reaffirm the propositions that tell us that we are part of one larger human community and that there is nothing special about ourselves, or the groups to which we belong, that can rationally place our needs above the needs of others based on arbitrary physical or geographical distinctions.
October 18, 2020
A welcome contrast to the last book I read (The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich), the Kindness of Strangers lays out a history of humanity’s gradual cultural movement towards kindness and towards altruism. Without beating you over the head with it, the overall sentiment is that kindness works because it benefits individuals and society and ultimately makes for the things we all want in the world: peace and prosperity. McCullough seems to lay out an argument that modern globalism is an extension of understanding your neighbors, that since we are so much more aware of each other it is incumbent upon all people to show global compassion as an inevitable next step in our “kindness evolution”.
This book is an entertainingly written historical, evolutionary discussion, that complements many of the most pressing topics in today’s news and society. I see some ways this book is an optimistic view of some of the topics in the book “Sapiens”, where Harari points out the trade-offs we make by giving up individualism for society, McCullough shows the large leaps forward in the way we consider others has been beneficial for both.
McCullough also digs into the challenges with being kind, around determining what the actual value is of kindness when sometimes good intentions can have disastrous consequences. I found this book not only thought provoking but also one that has direct real world application. I look forward to spending more time evaluating charities and engaging with organizations that hold charities accountable. I highly recommend this book for anyone with a conscience and an interest in knowing more about why you have one!
This book is an entertainingly written historical, evolutionary discussion, that complements many of the most pressing topics in today’s news and society. I see some ways this book is an optimistic view of some of the topics in the book “Sapiens”, where Harari points out the trade-offs we make by giving up individualism for society, McCullough shows the large leaps forward in the way we consider others has been beneficial for both.
McCullough also digs into the challenges with being kind, around determining what the actual value is of kindness when sometimes good intentions can have disastrous consequences. I found this book not only thought provoking but also one that has direct real world application. I look forward to spending more time evaluating charities and engaging with organizations that hold charities accountable. I highly recommend this book for anyone with a conscience and an interest in knowing more about why you have one!
November 24, 2020
There is not much new here. The first part of this book is a slightly updated version of Richard Dawkins's The Selfish Gene. The second part of the book is a watered down (both theoretically and empirically), but more historical and more philosophical, version of Steven Pinker's two recent books: The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined and Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress. Unfortunately, the connections between the two different parts of McCullough's book are very weak. Essentially, the author’s argument is that our evolved instincts for reciprocity, reputation, and reason make the civilizing process and humanitarian revolution possible. However, the author never makes more than a superficial case for this argument.
November 14, 2021
Finally finished my advisor’s book…. It certainly was not what I was expecting but an interesting read nonetheless.
January 31, 2025
A difficult task to write a review of this one. Gifted by a dear friend with a personal note and hope that I'd love and gain much from it and indeed a topic close to my heart and being 💜
The author starts with proposing theories starting from Darwin's natural selection to then kin and group selection theories to explain the possible reason for human kindness to strangers and then counters each and disregards them. This is one third of the book.
Then the book moves to different phases of human evolution - the ages of orphans, compassion, prevention which seems a lot like reading The Sapiens. This is the next one third of the book.
The last one third is about the first and second poverty enlightenment, humanitarian big bang, and the age of impact.
The book is packed with loads of data, instances, research findings, graphs, examples, events, philosophy references etc. - but somehow they all don't really come together well.
It was a long, slow, and kind of boring read for me with loads of information that I kept underlining. After every chapter I tried to understand what the point really is? And kept waiting for it to unfold in the next chapter.
I did gain a lot of knowledge (which I might not retain) and also now have an overall view that kindness to strangers isn't a biological concept but an evolutionary one which involves reasoning and learning from past events (calamities, wars etc).
Primarily humans help each other either with the hope of reciprocity some day, or altruistically to live up to own moral values, or for their image or the principal that helping others eventually helps the larger scheme of existence
I liked the last chapter the best "Good reasons" that summarises the book and also talks about future on how poverty and climate change will have an impact on our kindness to strangers and how compassion can and must be taught.
The author starts with proposing theories starting from Darwin's natural selection to then kin and group selection theories to explain the possible reason for human kindness to strangers and then counters each and disregards them. This is one third of the book.
Then the book moves to different phases of human evolution - the ages of orphans, compassion, prevention which seems a lot like reading The Sapiens. This is the next one third of the book.
The last one third is about the first and second poverty enlightenment, humanitarian big bang, and the age of impact.
The book is packed with loads of data, instances, research findings, graphs, examples, events, philosophy references etc. - but somehow they all don't really come together well.
It was a long, slow, and kind of boring read for me with loads of information that I kept underlining. After every chapter I tried to understand what the point really is? And kept waiting for it to unfold in the next chapter.
I did gain a lot of knowledge (which I might not retain) and also now have an overall view that kindness to strangers isn't a biological concept but an evolutionary one which involves reasoning and learning from past events (calamities, wars etc).
Primarily humans help each other either with the hope of reciprocity some day, or altruistically to live up to own moral values, or for their image or the principal that helping others eventually helps the larger scheme of existence
I liked the last chapter the best "Good reasons" that summarises the book and also talks about future on how poverty and climate change will have an impact on our kindness to strangers and how compassion can and must be taught.
November 28, 2021
Easy to read, McCullough sounds both realistic and upbeat about our chances of, as Peter Singer puts it, "expanding the moral circle." Indeed, McCullough tells a very progressivist story, with various "eras" moving us from the selfish ape of the title to people who more and more help those totally foreign to them.
I suspect there are highly critical reviews of McCullough out there, because he reads a lot like Steven Pinker - sweeping historical narrative, evocative examples, and a relatively continuous narrative of improvement. Indeed, the last several "eras" of McCullough's timeline rely on human rationality - the topic of Rationality: What It Is, Why It Seems Scarce, Why It MattersPinker's latest book. Given that the usual critique of Pinker is that he cherry picks data and stories to reverse engineer his response, I could see this attack on McCullough as well.
That said, I want to believe, and McCullough makes it easy to believe. He concedes points, acknowledges setbacks but still points to what seems to me to be an enormous amount of evidence that humanity as a whole is becoming more willing and able to help those less fortunate.
I suspect there are highly critical reviews of McCullough out there, because he reads a lot like Steven Pinker - sweeping historical narrative, evocative examples, and a relatively continuous narrative of improvement. Indeed, the last several "eras" of McCullough's timeline rely on human rationality - the topic of Rationality: What It Is, Why It Seems Scarce, Why It MattersPinker's latest book. Given that the usual critique of Pinker is that he cherry picks data and stories to reverse engineer his response, I could see this attack on McCullough as well.
That said, I want to believe, and McCullough makes it easy to believe. He concedes points, acknowledges setbacks but still points to what seems to me to be an enormous amount of evidence that humanity as a whole is becoming more willing and able to help those less fortunate.
September 18, 2025
Okay so I liked this book. I found the initial chapters insightful, since I have read very little of Darwin and the whole evolution topic. I was really hooked. I didn't feel like putting the book down. Then came the part after the Lisbon floods of 1755. After this point the history gets western world centric. And it keeps getting into that zone only. The global south is discussed only in terms of being a recipient of the 'generous' west. I get it why it had to be written that way, because this book is about tracing kindness so the author needs to have some examples to support his line of research. I understand that, but then I couldn't help but think how the west has exploited the global south and then just to feel good about themselves start these charity programs. This whole idea that the world problems can be solved by putting together minds of the developed world is problamatic. Honestly, as someone from global south i felt left out from the narrative. I feel this book needs an updated edition. Its actually a pretty good book in terms of its arguments but leaves a lot out. To be honest the author does discuss in a line or two the criticism of colonialism and exploitation by the west. But thats that. All in all a good read.
March 2, 2021
call that a 3.5.
if you've read a bit of ev-psych stuff, you'll know the material in the beginning section of this book.
if you've read singer & will macaskill, you'll know a lot of the material in the last third or so.
i found a lot of the material in the middle of the book, dealing with the growth of government in dealing with poverty, not very interesting.
i also was ready to scream at this book for its complete disregard for the role of capitalism and free trade in eradicating poverty. but at least the author gave that its due in the last few pages of the book. why he gave so little when that has been the most important, effective force in improving lives escapes me. it probably speaks to how much he loves government. boo.
there's good stuff in here. if you don't know the things he goes through, then it's worth reading. but i'd suggest reading about price or dawkins or hamilton elsewhere. and i'd suggest reading singer's the life you can save or macaskill's book rather than this.
it's ok, the ideas are there, but the writing isn't very graceful and some sections in the middle are flat out dull and a chore to get through.
if you've read a bit of ev-psych stuff, you'll know the material in the beginning section of this book.
if you've read singer & will macaskill, you'll know a lot of the material in the last third or so.
i found a lot of the material in the middle of the book, dealing with the growth of government in dealing with poverty, not very interesting.
i also was ready to scream at this book for its complete disregard for the role of capitalism and free trade in eradicating poverty. but at least the author gave that its due in the last few pages of the book. why he gave so little when that has been the most important, effective force in improving lives escapes me. it probably speaks to how much he loves government. boo.
there's good stuff in here. if you don't know the things he goes through, then it's worth reading. but i'd suggest reading about price or dawkins or hamilton elsewhere. and i'd suggest reading singer's the life you can save or macaskill's book rather than this.
it's ok, the ideas are there, but the writing isn't very graceful and some sections in the middle are flat out dull and a chore to get through.
September 7, 2020
How is it that a particular primate species became capable of caring so much for others? While largely a repackaging of evolutionary and ethical theories, McCullough does a bang up job of crafting a credible answer to that question. His answer starts with the well-established capacity for reciprocity built into our evolutionary history which is then fortified with an ever-expanding capacity for reason which is itself a result of scientific and technological progress. While his critics could say he’s built a nice story far too reliant on hindsight and carefully-selected history, he does make an effort to test his theories with predictions about how we’ll meet moral challenges to come. In short, there are no new moral theories here, but there is a competent attempt to argue that moral progress is real and that the conditions for it continuation are there if reason can remain central. A good introduction to a number of foundational moral theories and a quick read offering credible perspectives for those already familiar with the basics.
November 11, 2020
After reading quite a few books about inequality, racism, and other issues that plague the world, this book was a bright light that was much needed in my reading rotation. I've been waiting for this book for months from Michael McCullough, and it was phenomenal. The Kindness of Stranger is a perfect blend of evolutionary psychology along with effective altruism, and I learned a ton by reading this book.
I've read many books about group selection and why cooperation developed via altruism within tribes, but this book shed new light on the topics. McCullough also details the interesting history of social work and social services, which I was unaware of prior to reading the book.
I was hoping to learn a little bit more about human selfishness and ingroup vs outgroup problems that we see today, but the author chose not to dive into it in this book. I actually think it was a good decision to leave some of those things out because there are plenty of books on those topics, and his focus on kindness and altruism helped keep the book positive, and I appreciate that.
I've read many books about group selection and why cooperation developed via altruism within tribes, but this book shed new light on the topics. McCullough also details the interesting history of social work and social services, which I was unaware of prior to reading the book.
I was hoping to learn a little bit more about human selfishness and ingroup vs outgroup problems that we see today, but the author chose not to dive into it in this book. I actually think it was a good decision to leave some of those things out because there are plenty of books on those topics, and his focus on kindness and altruism helped keep the book positive, and I appreciate that.
December 29, 2020
Interesante ensayo sobre el origen evolutivo y la evolución histórica del altruismo y la generosidad. El libro está dividido en dos partes. La primera profundiza en las causas últimas de la conducta altruista. Según el autor, el fitness inclusivo, la reciprocidad y la reputación permiten explicar la conducta altruista. Niega las ideas de la hipótesis de la selección de grupo. También, a mi parecer de modo simplista y poco justificado, la posibilidad de la generosidad/altruismo motivado por la empatía.
La segunda parte del libro repasa algunos avances históricos que, motivados por el humanismo y la racionalidad, permitieron ampliar socialmente la generosidad y la preocupación por los desfavorecidos.
Está bien escrito y su lectura es interesante. Resulta algo irregular como ensayo.
La segunda parte del libro repasa algunos avances históricos que, motivados por el humanismo y la racionalidad, permitieron ampliar socialmente la generosidad y la preocupación por los desfavorecidos.
Está bien escrito y su lectura es interesante. Resulta algo irregular como ensayo.
February 3, 2021
The book provides a nice story from our history explaining why we humans help strangers. From my perspective, this book is not at all about history or reciprocity, or moral codes. So don't expect to learn anything surprising. What is valuable about it is that it connects all pieces together. The author definitely made me think about it a bit differently and gave me some inspiration on what to think about.
June 27, 2021
The book is divided into two parts. First part explains our evolutionary instincts to help others. But it doesn't include strangers. Second part explains how our recent "empathy for strangers" has developed through practical reasoning as well our growth in technology, science and trade, which has reduced the cost of helping others.
The book is excellent, mainly the first part, but I still think it doesn't explain the whole story of our kindness to strangers.
The book is excellent, mainly the first part, but I still think it doesn't explain the whole story of our kindness to strangers.
September 17, 2020
This book is really great. If you ever took an evolutionary psychology class and thought the explanations for altruism seemed weak, this is for you. It’s part evolutionary biology, part psychology, and part history. It’s exceedingly well written. Very engaging and easy to follow even if you’re not an expert. I highly recommend.
October 26, 2020
Why do we care about strangers? In his book, Michael E. McCullough explains.
Basically, "the book covers 4 evolved human instincts related to empathy; why "natural selection is a penny-pincher; and seven hinges of history that explain the historical progression of empathy - Culminating in today's Age of Impact."
Basically, "the book covers 4 evolved human instincts related to empathy; why "natural selection is a penny-pincher; and seven hinges of history that explain the historical progression of empathy - Culminating in today's Age of Impact."
December 6, 2020
A really compelling quick history of altruism and charity, with a lot of debunking of alternative theories. McCullough believes that it is greater awareness that leads to more altruistic activity--those adopt-a-sub-Saharan-child TV spots really worked. But that means altruism isn't innate, so manipulative media can turn people against their better angels.
March 10, 2025
The Kindness of Strangers serves as a practical reminder that we must take care of one another.
-Grace Graham-Taylor
Read the full review at: https://www.bookbrowse.com/mag/review...
-Grace Graham-Taylor
Read the full review at: https://www.bookbrowse.com/mag/review...
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August 17, 2020I unfortunately skimmed through the majority of this book...so I haven’t read it entirely but the three last chapters are really good.
December 27, 2020
2.5 stars. Full disclosure, I could only get about 2/3 through this book. It just couldn't keep my attention. Good information, but told in a rather boring way.
January 15, 2021
2.5*?
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews